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At just 20 years old, Katrina's life took a dramatic turn when she became a mother. Fast forward to 2022, and she embarked on another life-changing journey: sobriety. In this episode, we sit down with Katrina as she candidly shares her evolution from young motherhood to becoming a beacon of hope in the recovery community. Her story is not just one of personal transformation but also of social impact, as she has launched an online coaching business and hosted events like non-alcoholic mocktail happy hours. Katrina's experiences are a testament to the power of turning personal struggles into opportunities for growth and community support.

Balancing the demands of parenthood and entrepreneurship is no small feat. Katrina opens up about the constant juggling act that comes with being a mom and a businesswoman. We discuss the importance of setting boundaries, outsourcing tasks, and maintaining mental health through therapy and coaching. Her honesty about the emotional toll of missing moments with her children while working is both relatable and eye-opening. Katrina also sheds light on the often misleading perceptions of social media success, emphasizing the value of being truthful about the highs and lows of her journey.

This episode also tackles the broader themes of overcoming addiction, self-discovery, and breaking societal stigmas. Katrina recounts her battle with unhealthy habits and relationships, and how she found solace and strength in sobriety and spirituality. We explore how positive affirmations and self-love played crucial roles in her recovery. For those supporting loved ones in recovery, Katrina provides invaluable insights into offering meaningful support without judgment. With a vibrant community on Instagram under the handle @theretiredpartygirl, Katrina's story serves as a source of inspiration and encouragement for anyone feeling alone in their journey toward sobriety.

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Welcome back.

And we're on.

Katrina, a while ago, I came across your account and I lost it.

Like, I was like, I don't.

I think that was her.

But I couldn't remember the Instagram name.

It was on a for you page.

And then I saw it again recently.

I was like, I have to have her on my podcast.

I absolutely have to.

And when you said yes, I was.

Like, is this real life?

So I'm so excited to have you on.

I think you have such a awesome story to tell and such a powerful one too, and so I think everyone needs to hear it.

So please tell me a little bit about you and how you came into motherhood and the journey that you're on now in entrepreneurship.

Yeah.

So I'm excited to be here too.

I think we've been like, I call it like my Internet friends for a long time, so I love that.

So I have two kids.

I got pregnant when I was like 20.

So pretty much my whole adult life, I've been a mother.

They're like 8 and 9 now.

So it's like, cool going back and seeing.

I was so used to them being babies and then being toddlers, and now I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is like the next step.

So, yeah, yeah, it's fun.

It's exciting.

I do speaking events and we host non alcoholic mocktail, happier hours and just all kinds of things.

So that's been really exciting, transitioning from like just a mom to like a mom with a little gig.

And it's so amazing that you turned something that could have held someone back.

Your sobriety could have just ended there, but you took it in a way that now helps more than just you and the people that surround you.

It is helping people on the masses.

And I think that is so incredible because not a lot of people think that they can take it that far, but you never know unless you try.

Exactly.

You started to sort of your sobriety journey.

What was the decision that you're like, oh, I'm going to make this into something.

Did you help someone?

What was the leading point to this?

Being more so when I got sober, I.

It was like accidentally sober, had the mental health crisis, and I was just like, didn't know who I was anymore.

I was just like, full of anxiety.

So I just started like, taking care of myself.

And instead of listening to the Internet or like watching shows, I like, just isolated Myself and got to know who I am and, like, do all these things.

And, like, I went an unconventional way to get sober, realized I was staying sober, and it worked.

And it felt selfish to keep it to myself.

And I just put so much work into creating this, like, beautiful person.

And I just got to thinking, there's gotta be, like, so many people out there who are like me and who, like, felt the things I felt and were not bad people.

They just were, like, doing the best they could with the resources they had.

So imagine how much better the world would be if even 0.5% of them.

I gave them this advice, and it worked for them.

And then they get to do this, and then it's just.

I love how you're glowing as you talk about this, too, because it's not just something that you're like.

I think some people could benefit from hearing this.

It's.

No, I love what I've found and what it's turning into and who I get to help and talk to.

And I'm sure you've made some incredible connections and had some crazy opportunities that you never thought would have happened had you not decided to share.

Oh, yeah.

It's amazing because I, like, thought my life was good when I decided to start this.

And then after starting, I've met some of my best friends through Instagram or podcasts, and I just really broke out of my shell, started reaching out to people, made these connections.

We traveled the country.

Like, we just did an event in Cleveland.

We had one in New York in April and then Seattle in February.

Going to, like, Florida and Texas are on the horizon.

So I'm like, I can't believe I get to, like, travel and talk about being sober and people listen and people, like, care.

It's just.

It's so surreal.

I can't explain it.

Oh, my gosh.

So you are doing all of this now.

What was, like, the hardest part?

Transitioning from sobriety for yourself to helping others go through sobriety.

I think it's the expectations of the world, like, when you first start a business in general, because, like, I used to do, like, hair and makeup for weddings.

So, like, I've been in the entrepreneur world for a while, and I think you have to be so vulnerable when it's, like, a recovery space or you're coaching other people.

You have to make sure you're educated.

You have to make sure you're being safe.

You're, like, giving practical advice that'll work.

You can't really afford to mess up sometimes because, like, especially in Recovery.

Like, these are people's lives and livelihood.

And, like, for some people, sobriety is not like, a choice.

It's like a life or death situation.

So I think that was really, like, it was fun at first, and then it just got so, so, like, heavy.

And I was like, I need to take a step back so that I do this the right way and help everyone.

But you gotta fill up your own cup first.

Oh, my gosh.

I bet it was difficult when you were in those moments of low crap, like, how do I help this person get here?

Because you felt like maybe, oh, this is a lot more than I thought this would be, I'm sure.

Yeah, it's terrifying.

Just like deer on the headlights moment where you're like, you know, let me get back to your life.

Yeah, it is.

And it's.

I think that's why you gotta be so careful, like, and anyone in the coaching business, because it's like, it's un.

It's like little, like, smaller, regulated, I guess.

So, like, there you have to trust your coach and you have to, like, research what they do and, like, their background and stuff.

And then on top of that, like, you as a coach who has lived through these hard times, it's like reliving some of your own trauma when you relate through it.

So it's.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Like, I've done that to you.

And then you, like, go home and you're in bed, you're like, oh, my gosh, I did that.

What were the things that you did that helped you the most when you were, like, maybe getting triggered again or things were, like, coming up that you needed to, like, okay, I need to take a deep breath.

Take a step back.

So I discovered this thing called boundaries.

And I decided that I was going to, like, when I first started, I was just so excited to have a business that I was so passionate about and that helped people.

So I was, like, on call 24 7.

So I really just started scheduling, like, hours for this, you know, getting back to people.

I started utilizing, like, resources and outsourcing some tasks that were busy work so that I could, instead of do, like, busy work, I could get my head in the right space.

I made sure to hire someone for myself.

So, like, I go to therapy.

I have a coach also for business that is, like, probably the best thing I've invested in as an entrepreneur, because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just, like, trying with this.

All those things really helped me just level out and continue to enjoy it.

But be successful.

Yeah.

And I love that you said in such an honest way, like, truthfully, who even really knows what we're doing?

Right.

With us doing things and hoping it sticks.

Right.

It's a common misconception because you have a large following following on Instagram, I would say.

And it's easy to look at your following, like, oh, she got this and she got a podcast and she's been a guest here and she's speaking here.

It's easy to think, oh, she's figured everything out when we're all just, like, trying our best in putting things out there because we hope it works.

Yeah.

And it's.

It's crazy because I.

I have a really good friend from Seattle that just came to stay with me and we do things that like speaking events and all these things.

And then she came to stay with me and got to see me, like, as a mom and as a stressed out, trying to get ready in the morning woman.

And she's, oh, wow, you know her, a real person.

I'm like, yeah, not.

Not as cool as I look online.

It's funny, this Instagram feels glamorous, doesn't it?

Like, we share the things that we're excited to share.

We're not going to share the giant bowl of cereal that spill off the counter this morning or the fact that our child's crying because they can't find a certain shoe or whatever it may be.

Those aren't the parts that are fun to.

But those are the parts that I very much have.

Oh, yeah.

Every day.

Yeah, we have a lot of that here.

And you have two kids, right?

Yeah, I have two kids, four dogs.

There's always a few extra kids around.

We did foster care for a few years, and now we're at the stage where just like, I have nieces and nephews, and I have just all these extra kids that I'm just like, yeah, send them over.

It's fine.

Yeah, I love kids.

I'm a baby person.

So anytime I get to see any of them, I'm just like, yes.

Was it difficult starting this business with your children or how was that?

It was scary because a lot of, like, my business, I have to share, like, really hard things.

And I really pride myself on being honest about, like, my journey.

And so it's scary thinking that my kids are going to see that stuff on the Internet someday and how I'm going to talk to them about it.

I think that was the hardest part.

But then with every project, it's just the balancing.

If I'm putting this time into work.

Like, I don't get to play with my kids.

And then I get in my head, is this worth it?

And I know it is, but I think it's just as a parent, you're always questioning what you're doing, and is this worth it?

Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?

Yeah.

And it's such a.

I say this every single podcast because this is exactly what this podcast is about.

But the balance is different every day.

It's the way we feel about it is different every day.

Some days you're like, that was fine.

I worked a lot today.

But it's fine.

Some days you're like, I worked a lot today, and that sucked because I missed my kids or I felt like they didn't get enough of me, or is it worth spending this much time away from them?

Like, you have all of those thoughts, and I'm like, should I be doing this?

And, you know, and it's just the balancing act of it all.

It is.

And, like, you know, you're balancing life as a mom, and then in your business, when you have a business, it's like balancing all these things.

I have to market.

I have to share my daily life.

I've edit all these podcast episodes.

I have to, like, book this ticket.

I'm like, what am I doing?

Like, how did I do this?

Do you have a large support system that really helps you out?

Who supports?

Yeah, I am grateful.

I did lose, like, a lot of friends within the last few years, but it's not like I wish them bad or, like, we got in fight or whatever.

I think they're just not aligning with where I'm at right now, which is fine.

But I think losing filler people really pushed my support group.

So, like, my family is great.

My sister's one of my best friends, so she's always, like, cheering me on.

I have these friends I met online in the sober space, Specifically my friend Alex Shout Out.

She does Sober City movement and has, like, reps in every single, like, big city.

And she just does so much.

And it's cool knowing someone that has a business is sober, in recovery and thriving just to lean on.

Yeah.

So they're all great.

And then my kids, they just love it.

They, like, think I'm so cool sometimes.

And I'm like, thank you, please.

Always simpler.

My kids over here shoving her fingers in her diaper and be like, mom, I put you, like, yay.

I'd love this.

Motherhood.

Awesome.

And it's such a cool thing.

Seeing your kids see you do things, like they're seeing you on stages in, like, you're home with them a lot, I'm sure.

Oh, yeah.

Just being able to be with them more is so beautiful that we have the opportunity to try that out.

Oh, yeah.

It's super special.

I don't take it for granted at all.

I'm so grateful that I get to be home with them.

And I don't miss parties or anything like that.

It's just so fun, like, seeing how they, like, interpret what I'm doing.

Sometimes.

Like, they're like, were you playing on your phone?

And I'm like, no.

Yeah, it's cool.

The only bad thing is that, like, we came out with merchants like a year ago.

So it says, like, retired party girl.

And, like, my daughter, like, steals that hoodie and wears it to, like, her.

And I'm like, I don't know, marketing, but, like, maybe not in third grade.

Yeah, not target audience.

Hey, she seems like she's proud to represent.

It seems like, for sure.

Oh, for sure.

Should I get just like a sparkly shirt for her?

Just all pink, sparkly and leave it at.

Yeah, I need to make her own for sure.

A child march job.

I don't know if that's the market, but whatever.

We'll see what happens.

We'll test it out.

I would love to hear more about your past a little bit because I feel like, of course, that is such a large part of how you are gone into this entrepreneur space that you're in currently.

And I would love to know what your life used to look like and then what you did and what was like the turning point that led you into sobriety.

Okay, I'd love to share it.

It's like one of my favorite stories.

So not my proudest, but my favorite.

So I have two kids.

My daughter has a different biological father who came into her life when she was like 4ish and is already out.

So it was very.

A brief moment.

But when that happened, I was married and we separated and it was just like a really messy time.

And after we separated, I dated someone else and was just like.

It also ended and I was just like, so heartbroken.

And it's a very common thing.

You can look, I just went down a TikTok hole.

I can't remember what it's called, but it's like, super common.

And I was like, so dramatic and sad.

So I turned to booze and I was like, hooking up with people and just like, really messy and it.

I didn't want to drink.

I didn't want to hook up with people, but I just found myself doing that.

I was just like, I have to do this because I'm drinking and I already gave them the wrong idea or whatever.

And then I would wake up hungover, anxiety, feel grossed out because it was, like, icky.

I was like, I don't love this.

And I would, like, crawl my way home.

And then I would have my kids for the week.

They'd go back to their dads, and I would just repeat the process.

And it got to the point where I was just feeling like, I cannot believe I let a man make me feel so bad about myself.

Like, I could not believe it.

Like, I can't believe this is how I'm responding to these behaviors.

And it just.

I don't know, it just kept sitting with me, and it was on my mind so much that I was letting this person, like, affect my life and affect my health and everything.

And I got no closure.

So I was just, like, repeating all these, like, very bad things.

And I decided that I was going to be celibate for a year.

And two days after I decided that, I had a huge, like, anxiety attack, panic attack.

I was on this, like, blood pressure medicine that I didn't need.

So I stopped taking it and it caused this panic attack.

So it was like a detrimental.

I was in the hospital.

It was so scary, and I.

It was like.

I can't even explain, like, how scary it was because it sounds like, not a big deal, but, like, I couldn't go to the dollar store by myself.

I was scared I was going to have this panic attack again and be by myself and not know how to act.

So I deleted all my social media.

I didn't watch reality TV shows.

I didn't do anything but pray, go to therapy, and eat food that didn't have salt in it because I was randomly afraid of salt.

But I'm also.

Don't know how that's connected, but it was.

It was like every single day I just got to know myself and I was alone.

Yeah, my kids were there, but, like, in my free time, I was just alone.

And that used to be so scary to me, but it wasn't.

And I was getting to know myself.

And then I realized I wasn't drinking.

So I continued to go to therapy and I got a life coach, and I was just, like, working through all these things, and I was like, I think drinking is, like, affecting my ocd, affecting my, like, perception of relationships and my body and how I wanted to get attention in any way I could.

I still want to get attention.

I love it.

But it's in a positive way now.

But back then it was just negative attention.

So I just spent a year.

I was sober from everything.

I was celibate.

I was just getting to know myself.

I got a relationship with God, a relationship with myself.

I really became obsessed with myself.

I looked at like pictures of myself as a child, talked to her every day.

I did like the gritty work.

I didn't get social media back for six months.

And then the retired party girl came and I just started sharing that and I started sharing the really bad, icky stuff.

And I think part of me wanted to share it so that like, exes or people from my past would know, like, how sorry I was or like, know my method of thinking.

Because I never was a bad person.

I just didn't know how to cope.

And people were responding to it and I was like, this can be a thing.

And then it was a thing, it became a thing.

Like, there's so much to impact there because that was.

You took me on quite the ride then.

To me, it doesn't sound like the alcohol was something that you used to cope.

It sounds like you just got into the habit of it.

Is that correct?

Like, yeah, like every weekend you were just going into that cycle.

Yeah.

So like in high school when I drank, I never liked drinking, but I liked everyone thinking I was drinking.

Gotcha.

So I had like third drinks behind my back.

That was like my notorious move.

But then I just got in the habit of drinking and my like addiction wasn't isn't because I drank every day, because I didn't.

I was.

I had my kids full time except for weekends.

My addiction was when I started to drink.

I wouldn't stop drinking until 5am it was.

I could not moderate, like, it was dangerous drinking and I hated it.

And here's the thing, I hear that often too.

Like, I hear that some people, it's just when they start, they can't stop.

Yeah.

Well, who have experienced that and go through that.

And it's just like you said, you're not alone.

And that's.

You started sharing that and you realize how you weren't alone in that and how many people related to so many things that you've been through, so many things you felt and experienced.

And that's just.

That is exactly why people put their scary, vulnerable stories on social media, is so that others know that they're not alone and you're just brave enough.

You're Just the one that is.

I'm just going to share it because I want to share it.

I don't care.

Yeah.

And it's just.

Wow.

And did you start sharing that as part of a recovery process, or did you start sharing it because you were like, I just really want to connect.

I just want to, like, you said you wanted to, like, in a way, apologize or tell people.

Like, hey, I think I just started sharing it because I was used as, like, a villain or this bad guy for so long, and that has never been me.

Even when I was making these really giant mistakes, it was.

It truly was just a coping mechanism or me not thinking or me being in the height of my addiction and not functioning right.

And I think sharing it online, it was me bringing that power back to myself.

Especially thinking I've studied a lot the relationship between alcohol and promiscuity.

I guess that's the word.

And it's still stigmatized.

And I just feel like you are allowed to do something and regret it and feel gross about it and feel like you were, like, taken advantage of and at the same time not make it.

I don't know.

I'd not make it.

Like, you're not, like, putting down, like, your partner.

Your partner who, like, you were, like, consensual with, but you can still regret that.

And I think a lot of people just don't realize it.

And I met so many women and so many moms who had made similar, like, mistakes, and they just think, I'm ruined.

Like, people are going to judge my children for this, or people are going to judge my business because I, like, hooked up with this person.

And it's just.

It's so sad.

It's like, almost as sad as, like, the alcoholic pandemic right now.

While we sometimes feel like we can't say or.

Yes, we feel like we can't do this one solo thing without something else being assumed.

And people assume, oh, she's having a good time.

She's gonna go do this with that person.

Or.

And it's.

No.

She can just be wanting to hang out with her friends and that be it.

Yeah.

And it's people pleasing, like, we.

That's really, like, the thing that I think we all need to, like, heal from in some form.

Because I was definitely the friend that was like, I'll take one for the team so that we can have fun.

I didn't have to take one for the team.

I didn't have people saying, go do this.

It was just my want to, like, make everyone happy who did this to us.

Who means.

I like to have a conversation about.

Like, it does through this to us.

And that's crazy, because that seemed like the root of it.

Right?

Like, the people pleasing spirals into so many different things.

And it can get scary because we aren't brave enough to say no.

There's so many scenarios where I wish I had been taught how to say no.

Mm.

And that's what, like, I am not scared to talk to my daughter about these things.

Like, I teach her to say no if, like, someone is mean to her.

If I say something that she doesn't want to do that because she's uncomfortable.

Like, she knows to tell me she's uncomfortable.

We are the people that are going to break the cycle.

Yes, that's us.

I think it's because stories I'm being told that weren't told before, and I think when you, like, fluff it and you make it, like, put a pink bow on it and you act like it was better than it was then, you aren't doing any one service.

They're not doing your children the service of understanding what it was really like and how scary, hard, difficult, whatever it is that it actually might have been.

Yeah, I agree a hundred percent.

Yes.

It might be hard for them to hear, understand, and digest all that at first, but then that means you open up the conversation from them to ask questions, to feel safe enough to say no, to ask you more, to dive into it more.

I remember one specific thing that happened to me where I felt like I couldn't say no.

And I absolutely did have the right to say no.

I absolutely had the time and opportunity and space to say no.

No one was forcing me to do anything.

But yet no didn't come out of my mouth.

And isn't that.

Lyle.

Why couldn't I just say it?

Yeah.

It's like this invisible, I don't know, principle standing over us as women.

And it's scary.

I just.

It can be with alcohol, it can be with drugs.

It can be with people.

It can be with driving after midnight.

It can be anything.

So simple.

And you're allowed to be like, I don't feel comfortable doing that.

Yeah.

Well, why?

I think there's sometimes a stigma around being the Debbie Downer of the conversation, being like, oh, you're gonna kill the mood.

No, I also.

I've also had experiences where I've said no, where people are like, that's cool.

I respect it.

Yeah.

Those both ways.

It does.

And we get so scared that everyone's gonna hate us and we're gonna be boring.

But wouldn't you rather be boring and true to yourself or be boring and safe and feel okay and confident?

Like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with sticking to your gun.

And my husband is so much better at telling people how he feels and tell them people the way it is, that it's like, I'm working on it, but he's already got it.

And the other day someone like accidentally ran my child over and she got up, pointed at them and yelled at them.

And I absolutely.

She did not inherit that from me.

So cool seeing my 2 year old already standing up for herself.

And I was like, good for you, girl.

Yeah, I love that for her face.

Her finger was so angry.

Oh, kids, I love that.

I think we have to be our own advocates and best friends.

Raising our kids too is great.

Yes.

And they see us do things and they are just our sponge.

So it's you.

And that's the thing too.

Like, I need.

I get the confidence if my kids are watching, I feel like sometimes too the confidence to stand up for myself or do certain things that may feel brave or scary because they're watching and I'm like, I would rather them see me do it this way than if I were to be quiet.

So like you sharing your story, I think that's going to definitely come full circle one day where like your daughter has a conversation or even you have a daughter and a son, right?

Yeah.

Either of them could come to you and have a conversation and felt comfortable doing so because you shared your story and you were comfortable doing so.

Yeah.

Like my son, he does it to this.

Like he, he does not like swear words at all.

And if I swear, he'll be like, mom, can you please stop saying that?

And I'm like, yes, you're right, I will.

So I love seeing stuff like that.

So funny because my oldest always holds us accountable.

Don't say that.

That was a bad word.

And we're like, you're right.

Says it too sometimes.

And we're like, cool.

You said that you had gone through this.

What is something you wish people knew about recovery?

So we're talking about this and I am talking to you from a point of view that doesn't really understand the journey too well.

And I would love to know what you wish people.

So I think there's no right way to recover.

I think we have to be really gentle to people in recovery because every step that is taken towards less self harm is an dub and I think so this is going to be Vic's if someone's being promiscuous and cooking up a lot, they can.

If they, like, don't hook up one time, I think that's a win.

If you're drinking a lot and you decide not to have.

If you order a water instead of a beer, that's a win.

And I think those little steps deserve to be, like, applauded and not just, oh, I knew you were going to drink because you had a beer.

Or like, for my.

For example, I wanted to get sober for a long time because I just don't like drinking, and I would get 200 days and fail.

And get 200 days and fail.

If I didn't view it as a failure and just a step, like a little hurdle, I think I would have gotten sober a long time ago and saved myself a lot of trouble.

So I think recovery is just.

It's so important.

It's an epidemic.

The drugs are insane right now.

There's people.

We buried five people in one year.

But it's so relevant.

And it's not just, like, your party friends.

It's like, your coworkers, your things like that.

Same with alcohol.

You don't.

No one.

There's no avatar of what an alcoholic looks like because it's changing.

The old guys at the bar are dying, so they're targeting moms and women, and then they're.

Once we're all killed off, who's gonna be next?

I think it just.

It has to be talked about in a gentle way and not as, like, a stigma.

Like, it's always a stigma.

Like, oh, you.

Like when we did foster care, they were like, don't tell people you're sober.

I was like, what?

Like, they, like, were like, yeah, don't tell people you're sober, because then they'll know that you, like, had a drinking problem.

I'm, like, gay.

They're like, yeah, don't say that.

And it's crazy because these are the same companies that are, like, taking children away from their mothers because of alcoholism and then celebrating with alcohol for fundraisers and, like, things like that.

And it's just.

It's.

Don't you see that irony?

You should be celebrating that I'm sober.

Like, this is real life.

And that's just one example.

I've run into that quite a few times.

I used to be so scared to tell people I was sober and not drinking.

And what a shame that alcohol is the only drug we can tell people we don't do.

And they, like, judge you for it.

Because it's the one that's killing people just as much as, like, a deadly alcohol can harm you just as much.

But, yeah, you're right.

What.

Why is that the only one that we say, oh, no, I'm good.

And people are like, oh, don't be.

Come on, just have one.

Yeah, it's sick.

I can be fun without alcohol.

I am fun.

My wedding night was so fun.

I was pregnant.

I was drinking water, but every week I was on something.

Cause I was hungry, and I was like, no, I'm just having fun.

Like, yeah, that was fun.

And I was literally pregnant, so there's no way that was happening.

But gosh.

Yeah.

I think that's such a great way to look at it.

Just because you didn't go cold turkey doesn't mean you're failing.

If that means.

So I feel like that goes with anything.

Like, you're not going to go run a marathon the day after you decide you want to run a marathon.

Yeah.

To train.

You're going to take baby steps.

You're going to start somewhere and continue to work your way towards that goal.

And that's the same.

Right.

Like, you would take steps.

And some people do the cold turkey and it works.

I'm sure.

And some people don't.

And that's okay.

Yeah, it's so customizable.

It's a.

It's a huge spectrum.

Some people just mindfully drink and they have success with that.

I can't.

I'm.

By drinking, it's not gonna go well.

Um, but I think it's important to know those things, because then people in your life, when they reach out to you or if you notice people only want to go out and they only want to do this.

Like, those are red flags that we need to keep an eye on because we love our friends.

Well, you're right.

That's a red flag.

And are you saying that for someone to keep an eye out on someone around them or as a sober person?

Like, I think in general, because I think it's not our job to be like, you're drinking too much.

You're an alcoholic.

But I think if we notice someone having developing habits.

Like, for me, I was hooking up with people a lot.

I was drinking a lot.

Those are two, like, red flag habits that maybe my mental health isn't doing well.

Because at the bottom of it, it's all our health.

Right.

We want to be like, healthy people.

I think if people would have came up and talked to me instead of talking behind my back or gossiping or whatever, I think it would have hit me more to take better care of myself.

And I think just noticing when people are doing things like that they're like going out and spending like a bunch of money that they probably don't really want to, or if they're like over exercising, whatever it could be, you just want to listen to cues from your friends because you don't know what they're going through.

Even your family, you don't really know all the way.

So I think those listening actively to people, it will save lives in the long term.

Absolutely.

What would you suggest that someone who wants to support a friend that maybe or family member, whoever's close to them, who they might be seeing some red flags?

Like, how would you suggest that they approach or not approach the situation?

Like, how would you.

I always think a good loving, intentional text goes a long way.

I would start there for sure.

Um, I do this still if I'll just be honest and be like, hey, I know you haven't been feeling well.

Like, I have friends that come up to me and like, you know, just vent about their mental health.

And I always follow up with a text or like a check in.

I think if you're going through it, you want to be checked in, you know, especially if they're going through major life change, like a breakup.

Even if it's silly to you.

Like I said, mine was like two weeks devastated me.

So even if it's silly to you, it might not be for them.

You don't know, like their mental strength at that point.

Break up, lose a job.

I don't know if they get divorced or if they're like significant other.

I don't know, whatever it is.

And yeah, you just want to check up on them, maybe be like, hey, let's go see a movie or go to lunch or just show up at their house.

Like, I had my friend drop off no Bakes the other day and it was, it like meant the world to me because I'm like, I love no Bakes.

And it was just like such a kind gesture.

She didn't stay, she didn't hang out.

She just dropped him off and like that.

Imagine if you were like at your worst day and someone did that.

Like you would feel on top of the world.

So I just really think we need to just be nice and go overly nice there.

You cannot go wrong being overly nice.

No.

And I think the.

There's such power in being thought of and even just like saying, hey, thought of you today.

Hope you're doing good.

That would make my day too.

I'M sure if someone was feeling really down, like I remember being in breakups and just little silly things.

Not that silly.

But at the time they really.

Your feelings are just in some type of big emotion.

And if you're down in the dumps and you get told like, hey, I'm thinking of you or want to get out of the house, that would change someone's day around.

Oh yeah, I absolutely.

I agree.

Especially as women, like we have to be mindful also we don't know what's.

What part of their cycle we are in.

And that like hormones play a huge part in like how we're feeling and dealing with things.

And that's from a scientific health perspective.

Not me saying like women are crazy.

But I think.

Yeah.

So I think us just coming together and knowing all of that is beautiful and powerful.

Yeah.

And I love that you shared it like that because it doesn't go.

It's.

There's no wrong in being nice.

And at the end of the day, if someone's mean back somehow some way, at least you can say I projected niceness.

I gave them nice and they gave me mean.

Someone decides to like take it the wrong way or something, then you know that you did a nice.

I love it.

And then I want you to touch in a little bit about this because I heard you say.

And I just want to hear you tell me a little bit more about it.

You said you became obsessed with yourself.

Oh yeah.

I used to love the way you say it because at first I was like, what do you mean?

I get where you go, please tell me about that.

What do you mean by that?

I just have no shame.

Like I used to lie about everything.

Like little things.

Like I.

If someone was like the cup's blue, I'd be like, no, it's not.

And like, it's just I was so like weird because I wanted to people pleaser, get attention or be dramatic.

And now I'm just like, I don't have to do that.

I don't have to be that way.

I can just be me.

And I like I said when I first festober, I spent a lot of time by myself.

And I like me.

I like who I am.

I like what I stand for.

I know my values and my goals and what's important to me.

I know that I am genuinely a kind person.

I look out for the best in everyone.

I don't.

There's not a single person on this planet that I hate.

I know I'm not a dirty person.

I know even standing face to face with the worst things I've done, that I was doing the best I could.

And I'm not a malicious person for trying to survive.

And I just really like me.

I think I'm really interesting.

I have a lot going for me.

And yeah, I just.

I support myself.

I create healthy boundaries because I love myself and I want her to thrive.

This energy.

Love it.

Funny because I started journaling earlier this year, and it's because we were going through it a little bit with our house.

Was it selling?

The journaling was huge.

And it allowed me to change my thoughts and start speaking about myself in the way that you just spoke about yourself.

That is so beautiful.

Most people really tough down on themselves and feel like they need to insult themselves to be funny or to get attention.

Maybe it's not attention, but just so that if anyone else was thinking it, we said it first.

Yeah.

So I think that's so beautiful that you talk about yourself that way.

And I know that's not an overnight thing and it's easier said than done to start doing it.

But, like, I know it feels weird, I'm sure, to say the first few times that you, like, said it out loud.

I'm sure you're like, whoa, did I just.

Do I feel that?

Or do I just say it?

And I truly believe you steal it when you're saying it.

What would you say to someone that's maybe constantly saying negative things about themselves?

I think I just, like, reframed my whole perspective and I literally had a picture of myself by the wall.

And every single day I would look at that picture of myself when I was younger and be like, I love you and I forgive you.

And it was so weird saying it out loud because I'm like, this is a wall.

But then I really believed it.

And once I started believing it, I wanted to advocate for myself.

I wanted to, like, go through the list in my head of every single bad thing I was telling myself and debate.

And the positives always won, like, the positive side of me.

And it.

It really was work.

Every day, like, it was work.

It was me saying these things out loud and practicing these things.

And even when I didn't want to and I felt gross or, like, sweaty or, like, icky, I still said these things and I still told myself that I was the best person in the world.

And I just am.

And it's not me being, like, I don't know, like, self absorbed or anything.

I'm just an advocate for myself.

I'm the only person that has to be with myself every single day.

Why would I choose to fight with her?

I love the way you reframe that you're with yourself every day.

Be nice to yourself.

Yeah, it's funner this way.

It's more fun that way for sure.

And you wrote a book, you said.

I think that's how you wrote a book, right?

Yeah.

It's a journal.

So it's a 30, 45 day sobriety reset.

My baby.

It is so good.

Is that something people can buy or is it a freebie?

What?

Tell me about it.

Yeah, so it's on Amazon.

It's like low cost.

I want to say it's like $17, but it's like always on sale because Amazon does sales consistently.

But it's.

I really put.

It's a work of love and I put my heart and soul into it.

It's broken down into 15 day sections.

Even if you're not getting sober, it's so gentle.

It's sober curious.

So if you want to take a break from drinking or if you just want to record how you're drinking, you can use it.

I incorporated a lot of shadow work and the questions I was asking myself.

So there's like a journaling entry with each thing.

But it's not like, why do you want to get sober?

It's like, how do you feel about this?

Or picture yourself as this and why?

So I just really tried to incorporate, like getting my brain to work so that people that buy the journal, they're getting more than they paid for and it's going to work for them and they can reuse it and they can look back at their answers and have all of these, like, great resources without shelling out thousands of dollars.

Beautiful.

Oh, I think that is such a great thing that you've created and you have so many ways that people can tap into your world.

And what would you say?

Just because I am so oblivious to the world of recovery and I want to know things so that I am a good supporter.

If someone in my life is going through recovery, what are things that you suggest that I don't do?

Ooh, that's a great question.

I think if you see any red flags or they playing out or like having this issue, I think it's always better to not confront them in front of anyone.

Any kind of group setting, I think might be a little bit too much.

I would not try to relate it.

People do this all the time, especially people who don't understand like you.

Like normal people who don't have addiction, experience addiction on Their resume.

They.

I feel like they're like, oh, I've gone through some things.

Like, someone.

One time, I was like, yeah.

Like, I, like, blacked out almost every day last week, which was, like, super unlike myself.

And they were like, yeah, I ate a lot of fast food last week.

And I'm like, damn, okay, it sounds good.

Like, they just always try to name something bad they did that's, like, irrelevant.

Like, it's not a sample.

Just be there.

Like, I don't know.

Don't.

It's not a competition.

Don't make it about yourself.

I'm not looking for relief or anything.

I'm just like 98% of the time.

We're just looking for someone to just be there and show that they care.

Yeah.

You know what?

That's so funny because I.

I had another Parkhurst episode, completely different topic.

But I was saying how people that haven't gone through it seem to have the most to say.

Yeah.

Like.

Cause I.

It's something.

I feel like for me, I would try to say stuff to try to make you feel better, but at the end of the day, all you want is someone just to listen and be like, I see you, I hear you.

And then maybe would it be helpful to ask the question, what can I do to help?

Yeah, I think that's also always helpful.

They might not always know what you can do to help, but I think that's a great question.

Yeah.

Because people who haven't lived it don't understand how uncontrollable it is.

So I think them getting their facts from stigmas and rumors is not the.

It's like the Wikipedia version of life.

So definitely just be there and don't confront in a large space, which I feel like that's all common sense in a way.

It should be.

Yeah.

But I think people get so uncomfortable when you bring up recovery that they're just immediately.

And freeze up.

And then just say the most off the wall thing and it's.

If you're uncomfortable, just be quiet.

Quiet.

But, yes, I appreciate this conversation with you because I think before this conversation, I might have wanted to say things, but in fear of saying the wrong things or offending or whatever it could be, I would say just.

Or leave me nothing.

And at the end of the day, maybe you just want to say stuff because you just want to vent.

Or I can just reword things in a different way and just sit back.

Because when someone's talking to you, it doesn't mean it's about you.

Exactly.

And I think as Humans, we just always want to bring it back to ourselves because that's how we relate.

It's not a bad thing.

And I don't.

I don't think.

I think any way you're trying to help is great, and most of the time, people will be appreciative of it.

I just mean those words of advice.

Just if you want maybe more of a response.

In my experience, those have been what's worked the best.

Yeah.

And anyone listening can use that.

And if they have someone near them that they can use that advice that you gave us for, to use for them.

Or maybe they just keep it in their back pocket in case they need it.

I mean, I feel like more people are struggling with something than we know.

And it's not always addiction like the typical addictions.

You know, it could be just simply like, they can't quit a bad, toxic person in their life, and that alone.

You have to go with gentleness because they've been addicted to this person.

But if you say one bad thing, they're gonna be like, you're out, not them.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that, because I would take that advice and use it.

You're welcome.

I'm glad you asked.

That was a good question.

I wish I had more really good questions because that made me feel good when you said, oh, that's a good question.

But I feel like we have such a great conversation and I.

I want to end it on a high note for sure.

So thank you so much for being here and I'm gonna, of course, share all your stuff in the show notes.

But please tell people, like, where would you like them to connect you?

Connect with you on.

So the best way to connect with me is definitely Instagram.

That's where I'm most active.

My handle is he retired party girl.

And you also have an amazing amount of resources and places where they can also, like, get a little support from you and either, like, directly from you or through things that you've offered or your speaking events.

Tell me about that real quick because I am so curious.

Do you speak in conferences or small settings?

So it's been both.

We did.

We shot like a PBS, like, thing.

So we had the whole conference around that.

We just had a summit all about sobriety.

I worked a lot with Sober City Movement.

So we're going to do.

There's like a retreat coming up.

It's really different each time.

But I think that's so beautiful because whether it's a summit, conference, retreat, like, it's something to put in your toolbox to help you connect with other people and don't for anyone listening.

If you do want to come to one of those events, I post about it when we have them.

Don't be scared to travel or go by yourself or reach out to me if you like, have questions about it because it's.

I've met some of my like favorite people just from traveling and just from going on the other side of anxiety to make these real life sober friends that live across the country now.

Oh, love it, love it, love it.

Yes.

So anyone that might be feeling a little bit alone and if you're in your sobriety journey or you're thinking about it or you're going through recovery right now, just know that you have your space to be in and it's not yours.

There's so many people out there, but I recommend there's a ton.

So.

Yeah.

I am so excited and thankful that you decided to be here today.

So thank you for being here.

Yeah.

Thank you for having me.

And this was some fun.