Feedback in veterinary medicine can feel emotionally exhausting, especially for perfectionists, people pleasers, and emerging leaders.

In this episode of The Evolved Vets Podcast, Dr. Bethany Weinheimer breaks down how to give and receive feedback in a way that strengthens trust, improves communication, and supports healthier veterinary teams. She introduces the SBI model for delivering clear, specific feedback and the HEAR model for receiving feedback without spiraling into defensiveness or shame. Through real-world veterinary leadership stories, emotional intelligence strategies, and mindset shifts around perfectionism, Dr. Bethany Weinheimer shares practical tools to help veterinary professionals communicate with confidence, regulate their nervous systems, and create more sustainable careers in vet med.

Want to learn how to use your voice to give and receive feedback in a thoughtful way?

Join The Evolved Vets Membership now to learn and master Dr. Weinheimer’s feedback process and plus much more!

The Evolved Vets Membership is a roadmap to building confidence, managing energy, improving communication, and stepping into leadership on your own terms. We go beyond professional skills to help you become the veterinarian you’ve always wanted to be.

In This Episode You Will Learn

How to use the SBI model to give clear, effective feedback

Why perfectionism makes feedback conversations so difficult in veterinary medicine

The HEAR model for receiving feedback without defensiveness

How emotional intelligence improves leadership, team culture, and retention

Timestamps

• 00:40 – Introduction to why feedback feels uncomfortable and why many veterinary professionals avoid it.
• 02:30 – Understanding feedback trauma and how vague or judgmental feedback damages trust.
• 08:50 – Introduction to the SBI Model (Situation, Behavior, Impact).
• 09:25 – The Situation component: why specificity matters in feedback conversations.
• 10:00 – The Behavior component: focusing on observable actions instead of assumptions.
• 11:10 – The Impact component: helping people understand the ripple effects of their behavior.
• 13:20 – Using the SBI model to deliver meaningful positive feedback and recognition.
• 18:10 – Why receiving feedback is often harder than giving it, especially for perfectionists.
• 20:30 – Introduction to the HEAR Model (Halt, Empathize, Ask, Reflect) for receiving feedback.
• 24:20 – The "mango" safe-word example: building self-awareness through real-time team feedback.
• 38:40 – Practical feedback tips: timing, privacy, curiosity, and preparing for difficult conversations.
• 52:35 – Closing leadership lesson: helping team members grow through supportive, future-focused feedback.

Key Takeaways

Specific, behavior-based feedback creates safer and more productive conversations

Emotional regulation is critical for both giving and receiving feedback effectively

Feedback is not about criticism — it is about growth, awareness, and connection

Strong veterinary leadership requires curiosity, empathy, and psychological safety

About Dr. Bethany Weinheimer

Dr. Bethany Weinheimer is a veterinary leader, coach, consultant, and host of The Evolved Vets Podcast. She specializes in burnout recovery, authentic leadership, emotional resilience, and alignment-based coaching for veterinarians and medical professionals. Through Code Blue Coaching and The Evolved Vets Community, she helps veterinarians navigate challenges from burnout to career growth, including areas like veterinary leadership, practice ownership, and long-term sustainability.

📸 Instagram: @drbeththevet

💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bethany-weinheimer-a9047558

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeththevet

Resources Mentioned

Perfectionism in Veterinary Medicine, Nervous System Regulation, and Vet Burnout (Ep 25)

Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI)™

HEAR Model

The Evolved Vets Membership: https://app-evolved-vets.mykajabi.com/membership

📸 Instagram: @EvolvedVets

📺 YouTube: Evolved Vets

🎵 TikTok: @evolvedvets

🌐 Website: www.evolvedvets.com

📸 Instagram: @drbeththevet

💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bethany-weinheimer-a9047558

🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeththevet

Hello, and welcome to the [00:00:25] EvolveVets Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Bethany Weinheimer.[00:00:30] [00:00:35]

And I know when I say that word, it makes most of us want to crawl out of [00:01:00] our skin because it can feel icky, it can feel judgy, it can [00:01:05] feel really, really unsafe. I wanna dive deep into how to give it, how to receive [00:01:10] it, how to stop avoiding it, and truly accept feedback as a [00:01:15] gift. If you've ever typed out a message to a coworker, maybe deleted it, retyped it, deleted it [00:01:20] again, and ultimately ended up not saying anything, this episode might just be [00:01:25] for you.

You're not crazy if these things have happened to you. So instead of quietly [00:01:50] smiling through and pretending like everything's okay, I wanna teach you how to [00:01:55] use your voice in a thoughtful way because feedback is truly one of the most important [00:02:00] leadership gifts we never really learned. And in vet med where [00:02:05] emotions run high and everyone is exhausted from the emotional toll [00:02:10] that it takes to be at work, it can feel impossible to get right.

Maybe you've been on the receiving end of vague or unhelpful or straight-up [00:02:40] cruel feedback. Not even passive-aggressive feedback, just aggressive feedback. The [00:02:45] kind that maybe sounds something like, "You need to be more of a team [00:02:50] player" Not really helpful feedback, but direct. [00:02:55] Or maybe something along the lines of, "Your attitude has been a huge problem lately."[00:03:00]

Like, what are you supposed to do with that? So what does feedback even [00:03:25] mean? Who said it? When did they say it? What specifically did you do [00:03:30] to receive that feedback? And really, those types of feedback [00:03:35] aren't true feedback because it doesn't help anyone, and it ultimately can just make you [00:03:40] spiral. I know I've been on the other side of re- receiving feedback that sounded just like [00:03:45] that, and the truth is, it didn't make a lot of progress because, one, it [00:03:50] was easy to...

So instead, we zip it, we say nothing, we throw away the [00:04:20] key, and the behavior continues. And unfortunately, that builds [00:04:25] resentment, and eventually it explodes or we quit. Sound familiar? Here's [00:04:30] what I want you to know. Feedback doesn't have to feel like an attack. There's a way to do [00:04:35] it that's clear, kind, specific, and actually helpful.

And then we go through the elevation process where we start to envision, what would it [00:05:05] look like if I gave this feedback really confidently, really well? And what would it look like [00:05:10] if my teammate received it with love and compassion? And what would it look like [00:05:15] for this person as I gave feedback to them?

[00:05:40] So for me, this journey looks like embodying confidence, embodying [00:05:45] the ability to use my voice. And I'll tell you a story. As I started developing this [00:05:50] process, there were moments in my young leadership journey where [00:05:55] I was just silent. People would say mean things, criticize me, call me names, and I would just [00:06:00] sit there silently.

If you start [00:06:20] calling me names again, we are no longer going to be able to have this conversation. We'll have to pick up [00:06:25] at another time." And that turned into, "Hey, only [00:06:30] meet with me when you can meet with a place of love and compassion, and we're in a [00:06:35] place where we can collaborate." And I think as we deep dive each of these moments [00:06:40] and really invest in ourselves, in our own development, in the things that make [00:06:45] us great and special and confident, and we start to use this framework, the EVOLVE [00:06:50] method, to make ourselves better, we'll just make small progress over time.

Like, I deserve to have this place to step up for myself because I'm deserving and [00:07:20] I'm loving and I'm compassionate, and I also deserve to receive feedback too, right? Like, [00:07:25] I deserve the gift of understanding how, how I show up in the world impacts the [00:07:30] people around me, and I have the option to say, "Is there at least 10% of this is [00:07:35] true?"

Feedback is [00:08:05] momentary. You are still safe. You are still confident and kind, no matter who you are. When we're [00:08:10] not allowing negative behavior, when we're standing up for ourselves, when we're receiving feedback and [00:08:15] making small changes over time, that actually makes the biggest impact. If you wanna go deeper on [00:08:20] this, I made a feedback master class inside the Evolve Vets membership.

It is such a blessing to understand if you're [00:08:45] aligned and regulated throughout the feedback process. I wanna talk you through a very [00:08:50] specific model that I've outlined in my course that actually works, [00:08:55] and it's something that's called the SBI model And this stands [00:09:00] for situation, behavior, and impact.

[00:09:25] It doesn't sound like, "Hey, you're always late to meetings." But it might sound like, [00:09:30] "In our last meeting Tuesday morning." Why does this matter? Well, specificity [00:09:35] removes ambiguity, and when you anchor feedback to a real moment, that [00:09:40] person can actually recall what happened. They're not defending themselves against a [00:09:45] sweeping accusation or a judgment or a [00:09:50] generalization.

Facts only. No interpretations, assumptions, judgment [00:10:15] about intention or how they showed up. So an example of what not to do would [00:10:20] be saying something like, "You were just being so disrespectful." Instead, you could [00:10:25] try, "You were on your phone during the case discussion." Again, factual as if [00:10:30] you're painting a movie.

But we don't actually know that. We don't know what's happening in their [00:10:55] head. Maybe they were looking up a drug dose. Maybe they were verifying something that we were talking about within the case [00:11:00] that we were actually studying during the team meeting. Maybe their kid's school called, or maybe they're [00:11:05] just exhausted and zoned out for a second.

The impact is where the person understands why their behaviors [00:11:40] matter and how their perception is from the team around them. This isn't about guilt. [00:11:45] It's about helping them see the ripple effect of how they show up. My boss has always [00:11:50] said that it's intent versus impact. So how they intended to show up [00:11:55] might not be the way it impacted the people around them.

It made me feel like my input wasn't very valued, [00:12:20] and I noticed after you were on your phone, I noticed other team members started to check their phones, too. [00:12:25] And that left me feeling insecure and struggling to move forward with [00:12:30] the content, 'cause I was feeling distracted. Now, compare that to you're [00:12:35] always on your phone, and that's disrespectful.

You're being rude, right? All those accusations land poorly on you as the deliverer of the [00:13:00] feedback. But in the SBI model, you come from a place that's grounded, [00:13:05] thoughtful, really organized, and non-emotional. Your [00:13:10] wavelength is a very high vibration, really centered around abundance and change [00:13:15] instead of from an energy of lack and really force energy.

Did it land? Probably not. You probably thought, "Oh, [00:13:45] that was nice," and then you kind of moved on and forgot about the thank you itself. [00:13:50] You don't really know what you did well. You can't really repeat it intentionally. [00:13:55] Maybe you just think, "Oh, my manager likes me, and that's good," or, "Yeah, that [00:14:00] teammate's pretty cool.

It really set the tone for everyone on the floor, and the [00:14:30] team felt confident, clear, [00:14:35] focused, and the patient was the one who got the best possible care. Your leadership [00:14:40] made a huge difference yesterday." Now, let's think about it. The SBI [00:14:45] model in this positive feedback situation, wow, that painted a very clear [00:14:50] picture.

So think [00:15:15] about it. Which would you rather hear? "Hey, good job yesterday," or that? For [00:15:20] me, I would pick the more in-depth version, 'cause it's gonna make my heart sing. [00:15:25] I'm all about positive affirmations and amazing feedback, so for me, that would [00:15:30] really impact my reward and success at work. There was a Gallup research [00:15:35] study that took employees who received regular, specific recognition, [00:15:40] and it showed that they're four times more likely to be engaged at work.

The more we celebrate the things people do well, the more [00:16:10] they're gonna show up and do them. Let's continue to positively train and encourage the [00:16:15] people on our teams, and really celebrate their zone of genius in the areas that they [00:16:20] have their focus on. Let me speak directly to the woman who feels like she's barely [00:16:25] holding it all together.

You've [00:16:50] already invested a quarter million dollars or more in your education, and there's [00:16:55] also been time, energy, love, and compassion given to vet med [00:17:00] too. This is about reclaiming yourself inside of vet med instead of giving up on it. [00:17:05] Over six months, I partner with you and hold your hand as we identify [00:17:10] patterns keeping you in survival mode.

So what you get is accountability, nervous system tools, and [00:17:40] a true hand-holding pattern that will help you through with a white glove experience. And [00:17:45] if you've been waiting for permission to choose yourself, now is the time. [00:17:50] Make that extra moment to prioritize you so that way you can sustain your career in vet [00:17:55] med.

Because no matter how well someone delivers it, your brain still hears, [00:18:20] "Hey, you're not good enough." And I've been there too in my young leadership journey. [00:18:25] When someone gave me feedback, my first instinct is to explain, justify, defend [00:18:30] myself. And honestly, as a recovering perfectionist, and I'm [00:18:35] sure many of you who are listening also qualify as that, we did a recent, [00:18:40] uh, episode on perfectionism, so scroll down and listen to that one if you're interested.[00:18:45]

[00:19:10] Like, I built this feedback process as a ask from some of the people in [00:19:15] our Ball Bets membership podcast. Why? Why is this coming up for people in [00:19:20] veterinary medicine, especially our ladies? The short answer is feedback giving and [00:19:25] receiving is so hard. The people in the membership are stressed. They are losing [00:19:30] sleep at night around these conversations.

I immediately said yes, because this is one of the most important areas we [00:20:00] need to develop safety within our nervous system around how we [00:20:05] actually show up and how we actually give and receive feedback. It can be easy to shut [00:20:10] down in a moment of feedback. Maybe you smile and nod, and you're internally [00:20:15] composing a 47-point rebuttal, but that's not actually helpful for you.

Now, the HEAR model is H-E-A-R, and we're gonna talk through the first [00:20:45] one, which is halt. So pause, take a breath, hold on the thought that [00:20:50] you need to respond immediately. You don't. Your first reaction is usually your [00:20:55] amygdala talking, not your evolved self. So it's that reptilian brain jumping [00:21:00] on. It's the part of your brain that's designed to protect you from the thing that is threatening your [00:21:05] livelihood, just like we talked about.

In this phase, you can practice something like grounding if that's helpful for you. Grounding [00:21:35] is a principle that really helps take your brain from that amygdala response into a [00:21:40] prefrontal cortex response. It can be something as simple as, like, patting your leg. [00:21:45] Um, sometimes I, like, squeeze my hand and, like, kinda squeeze like this.

I'm safe [00:22:15] to receive this feedback today. I'm not threatened. I can grow, [00:22:20] change, and learn at any time and I am so capable." The E in [00:22:25] the HEAR model is gonna be empathize Now that your prefrontal [00:22:30] cortex is back online, try to see it from their perspective. This person [00:22:35] cared enough to say something. Think about how nervous you are when you give someone feedback.

So ask yourself, [00:23:05] "What might be true about this? What are they seeing that I'm not? Is there an area that I'm not [00:23:10] self-aware and maybe my perfectionism is covering this up?" Self-awareness is such an [00:23:15] important part of feedback. As they're delivering the feedback, think about, "Is it [00:23:20] possible that this could be true?"

And as the [00:24:00] feedback was delivered, she had no idea. She was like, "What do you mean I get sharp [00:24:05] or you think I'm mad at you? That's not the case at all. I'm actually a little bit stressed," because [00:24:10] working in a busy hospital can do that to you sometimes. Your nervous system can become a little bit [00:24:15] more bullet-pointed and fast.

And then these two people on her team started saying the word [00:24:40] mango. And this doctor slowly but surely started to notice, like, "Oh, maybe that tone did land [00:24:45] a little sharp," or, "Eek, I could have maybe lowered my voice or slowed down a little bit, or maybe [00:24:50] I could have just asked my team, 'Hey, what do you need help with from me before I give you another task?'"

Now, as she began to explore different [00:25:25] options, she actually got to the point where she felt comfortable wearing a brooch or a cute [00:25:30] little pin of the mango. So then eventually the whole team felt comfortable [00:25:35] giving and receiving feedback to this vet, and it actually became a team [00:25:40] journey because she would go up to them, and she used this to actually not [00:25:45] only be more aware of how her team was affected, but really use it to help [00:25:50] understand and better her relationships with her team.

You are not alone in this journey of development. And when you have a team cheering you on [00:26:15] or being excited when they can call mango on you, a very safe, kind [00:26:20] word that everybody knows is for the benefit of helping someone develop, it becomes a team [00:26:25] sport. People wanted her to succeed, and because of that, it was this whole team [00:26:30] bond that brought them together.

Or maybe, [00:27:00] uh... Oh, the other thing I've had, you know those little guys that, like, hang off the cups or animals that hang off the [00:27:05] cups, like monkeys? I've had them put the monkey on the cup when they maybe have a little bit more of a sharp [00:27:10] tone or negative nature come out. H of the H.E.A.R model was halt. [00:27:15] E was empathize and really try to understand the other person's [00:27:20] perspective.

Do you have other [00:27:45] examples? Is there someone else on our team that you think does this really well that I could learn from?" This [00:27:50] shows maturity. It helps you manage that relationship piece that we just talked [00:27:55] about, and it helps you understand the feedback instead of just reacting to it or rejecting [00:28:00] it.

You can't just say it. Now go sit with it, journal about it, talk to a [00:28:25] trusted friend, talk to a coach, your therapist. Make sure you're meditating on it [00:28:30] and really processing how you feel, and doing the self-evaluation to [00:28:35] see where this might be true. And decide what, if anything, you wanna [00:28:40] change. Now, while reflecting, it is important to continue to remind yourself that you're [00:28:45] safe, that your nervous system is safe, that nothing changes.

Some people project, people might misread [00:29:10] the situation, or they have their own stuff going on, and that's all [00:29:15] okay. I used to have a mentor that told me feedback is a gift, which means you have the [00:29:20] choice to receive it or to maybe pay it forward and re-gift it [00:29:25] another time. Now, you can see feedback as a gift, meaning maybe it's [00:29:30] your favorite gift you love and it totally changes everything, or maybe it's just a, like a [00:29:35] little one-off, a little nice to have, right?

Really, feedback, what it does, it's a gift that tells you how you're being perceived. [00:30:00] Maybe it's how you're perceived by your team, your family, the people around you, and it doesn't make it [00:30:05] accurate. It just lets you know, how do people see you? And it doesn't mean that perception is [00:30:10] accurate or not accurate.

My authentic [00:30:35] values center around adventure, community, luxury, [00:30:40] and integrity, and these are really q- four core pillars for me. So maybe [00:30:45] somebody else who values, like, constant connection is [00:30:50] going to need more touch bases than maybe I would need. Some of my b- best friends in the [00:30:55] world, we talk, you know, maybe every three months, and that's okay because we pick up [00:31:00] exactly where we left off.

Maybe they really crave that quality time, and when they give [00:31:25] that to you, it is that gift for you to say, "Okay, hey, this isn't necessarily my style, but this is [00:31:30] important and a value of somebody that I love and care about and that is on my team, and I wanna [00:31:35] provide that to them." And it's a great way to kind of give them that gift back.

Is there any world from any perspective in the [00:32:05] room that I could have seen that that be the case?" And one of the best ways [00:32:10] to really relay that is say, like, "Is there a world where y- they might be right?" [00:32:15] And if yes, say that in the conversation, "Hey, there's a world where you might be right." [00:32:20] And if not, it's okay to let that feedback go and, uh, [00:32:25] move on with your story.

But when we sat with it together and I asked her to meditate on it [00:32:50] journal about it. They realized, "Okay, [00:32:55] maybe sometimes it's possible that I do come in hot. Maybe there's a 10% chance [00:33:00] that I come in a little hot when I get stressed. Maybe my words and my [00:33:05] tone change. Maybe my direct feels hard on people that maybe [00:33:10] use a softer language or are not as used to direct communication."

Can you really understand and let the other person know, "Hey, [00:33:40] there's a world where that might be true"? And you know what? Her relationships [00:33:45] with her whole team got better. Her relationships at home got better. The team trusted [00:33:50] her more, not because she was a pushover or she was no longer clear or direct, [00:33:55] but just because she's willing to say, "Hey, that's part of me, too."

I'm amazing [00:34:20] at consulting. I'm amazing at coaching people, 'cause I can find solutions quickly and I [00:34:25] get the right results. And sometimes my perfectionism can come out and [00:34:30] make the environment stressful. I can make myself stressed. It can put pressure [00:34:35] on people to perform, right? It can, it can make my world feel really [00:34:40] busy at times."

So it's taking high performance [00:35:05] and perfectionism and really saying, like, "How do I live in the balance?" Like, there are times where [00:35:10] perfectionism kicks in and it's a really great thing. So for example, when I'm coaching someone that needs [00:35:15] more structure, me showing up with deadlines and structure in a very [00:35:20] solid framework actually helps the person that I'm coaching.

[00:35:45] And so what that looks like is there's a version of me that doesn't speak up for [00:35:50] myself. I'm a people pleaser. In some ways I can be very [00:35:55] focused on the outcome and be very positive, but then sometimes that [00:36:00] lack of speaking up for myself- leads to a discomfort [00:36:05] and people kind of running over me. So as I start to integrate, okay, there are [00:36:10] times where, yeah, is this a hill I'm willing to die on?

One side of [00:36:40] this theory is saying, "Okay, well, is this a hill I wanna die on? No, I'm gonna let it [00:36:45] go, and that's fine." And then there's other times where it is important to use my voice, like maybe [00:36:50] contract negotiation, when you know you deserve something or you deserve higher [00:36:55] pay or you deserve a better benefit, and it's okay to speak up for that, and that's a good [00:37:00] thing.

And that's really the gift that feedback can do when we let it. It helps [00:37:25] us balance between one version of us and the other. It helps us understand [00:37:30] when to use specific skills that we have that might be tough. Like maybe there's times where [00:37:35] getting angry can actually help you advocate for the pet. I just mentioned an example of this on my [00:37:40] euthanasia episode, so scroll back down if you're interested in hearing about that.

Inside the membership, you're gonna find race-approved [00:38:10] masterclasses, vet reset meditations, live monthly coaching [00:38:15] with yours truly, and a community of women who actually get it. It's not toxic [00:38:20] positivity. It's not just another membership you sign up for. It's learning how to manage your [00:38:25] energy, protect your boundaries, and build a sustainable career in veterinary [00:38:30] medicine.

They're less likely to remember that Tuesday morning early doctor's [00:39:00] meeting call that you had. Always give your feedback privately. No one wants to be called out [00:39:05] in front of a team, right? It's a very sensitive topic. It can be amygdala [00:39:10] triggering. It can be embarrassing. And always start with curiosity.[00:39:15]

It just triggers a str- a stress [00:39:35] response. It's threatening, and it feels really tough. It's also better [00:39:40] to not surprise someone with the feedback. Um, just showing up on a phone call and being like, [00:39:45] "Hey, here's the 16 things I'm mad about you for," isn't really an appropriate way to give [00:39:50] feedback Instead, use the SBI model to create a framework in a [00:39:55] thoughtful way of really being intentional, having that curiosity, [00:40:00] and really preparing for these conversations before.

And the other thing I'd say is, like, if you do better with [00:40:25] rehearsals or role play, like, reach out to a mentor or coach to help guide you through that. That's very [00:40:30] important. What I've found from my time in coaching in veterinary medicine, it is usually [00:40:35] two camps of people. One camp is they're afraid to give the feedback.

Another feedback tip I'd give is don't pile [00:41:05] multiple things on all at once. For example, if there's one main [00:41:10] theme or one main challenge, I would really focus and lean onto that, and I would [00:41:15] focus with the feedback on, like, what support that person needs to get better. [00:41:20] So if it's a self-awareness issue, then how can you partner with that person on your [00:41:25] team to make them more self-aware?

And then if it's relational management where they don't know how they're [00:41:55] landing to other people and they're not aware with that management, or if it's relationship [00:42:00] awareness, right, where they don't understand how it's impacting the people around them, [00:42:05] then you can start with like a 360 feedback process, better [00:42:10] understanding who on the team feels what and is impacted by what from this person [00:42:15] or relationship management.

How can I help you show up better for your team?" Because that's ultimately gonna help. [00:42:40] Feedback is never about making someone feel small or just giving the feedback to [00:42:45] give the feedback. It should always be focused on what needs aren't being met and possible [00:42:50] solutions on how to make it better. Now, it doesn't mean you have to have this whole [00:42:55] conversation all in one setting, right?

Ask, "Hey, what do you need from me? My goal-- I love and support you. [00:43:25] My goal is to help you be so successful here, and [00:43:30] what do we need to do to get you there? Like where in these four buckets are you needing [00:43:35] additional help, and how can I help hold you accountable to those things and partner with [00:43:40] you in brainstorming different ideas?"

Like, you are [00:44:05] starting on A team, and you're on JV. I want to help get you to [00:44:10] varsity, and what does that look like? These are some small themes and patterns that I'm seeing over [00:44:15] time that we can make small changes in to really help you level up. Like, you're an [00:44:20] all-star, you're on A team, and I see you being starting line of the championship team, and I want to help [00:44:25] get you there.

Or maybe they [00:44:55] wanna date more, like I was a few, a f- a year ago, right? Like, I wanted to go on [00:45:00] more dates and have more time to myself, and my leader did a really great job of making sure that I [00:45:05] had the time and space to be able to do that in this new role, and that means so much to [00:45:10] me. I've also commonly heard a tip of asking, like, "Hey, are you open to some [00:45:15] feedback?

[00:45:35] So as a leader or as a team member who's really stepping up into a leadership place, how do you say, "Hey, [00:45:40] your job's not on the line. I'm not trying to threaten you here. Our partnership is [00:45:45] safe. Our relationship is safe. The things that I need you to work on are [00:45:50] really a team approach to making change"?

There was some themes that we needed to work [00:46:15] through. But as much as I loved and cared about this person, if they weren't willing to [00:46:20] make those changes on their own, I cannot do that for them. Of course, I wanted it for [00:46:25] them, and all my conversations and the heartbreak and the, the change management and everything [00:46:30] that came through that process was a journey for me as a young leader, too.

We have a very unique set of skills, and how can we work together to [00:47:10] find as many solutions as possible to keep these people on our team? Now, the reality is [00:47:15] there will be turnover at times, and people fit in different places with different [00:47:20] teams, and that's okay. But when you're giving feedback, how do you take the approach of, [00:47:25] "My goal is to get you here.

One huge tip that I'd like to add here is don't have these [00:47:50] conversations without an emotional bank account. And there's a book that talks about this [00:47:55] where it essentially says every time you make an investment or a deposit on [00:48:00] someone's emotional bank account, they feel a connection to you. Maybe it's giving them an [00:48:05] SBI compliment feedback, or maybe it's bringing them a coffee to work, or maybe it's [00:48:10] giving them that weekend off that they really needed, or maybe picking up a shift for this team member, right?

So it's not that I don't want it for everyone on my team, [00:48:40] but it's does the other person believe when you give them the feedback that you actually want [00:48:45] them to be great and that you see a version of them that is already there living in the [00:48:50] success? And I think that's part of our job as leaders on the floor, right?

And so being able to catch on to the things that make people special and unique and being able [00:49:25] to hold that vision for them and tell them, like, "Hey, you're going here," that means so much. I remember when I [00:49:30] opened my very first hospital on my own, and I had [00:49:35] a young nurse, veterinary nurse, that was working on our team, [00:49:40] and she was just a delight.

We said, "Hey, [00:50:00] wherever you wanna go, let's take an hour. We wanna make sure we're a leadership team that gives our time [00:50:05] to the people that are doing great. We wanna give our time to the people that need a lot of coaching and development, but we don't wanna be a [00:50:10] leadership team that forgets about the people that are crushing it.

[00:50:35] You have integrity that I don't see in a lot of people. And so in order for us to [00:50:40] help you get to this place, we need to start developing your voice. How do you speak up in those [00:50:45] moments where people are being negative on the floor or maybe, um, gossiping, right? When [00:50:50] these moments happen, how do you show up?"

And so I'm very [00:51:20] proud of her, and she means a lot to me. But there's stories like this all over the place, where sometimes [00:51:25] you just need someone to be a vision holder for you, and that it can be the place [00:51:30] of, of how you should coach and show up to these feedback conversation. It's not to come in and [00:51:35] give the feedback, you know, to squash someone's integrity, to squash their spirit, to make them feel [00:51:40] bad.

[00:52:00] So I want you to know that feedback is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier [00:52:05] with practice. You're not magically just gonna be better and perfect [00:52:10] at feedback. It takes years. I'm still learning and growing in the process of [00:52:15] feedback because it's hard and it's complicated, and every individual [00:52:20] needs to receive feedback in a different way.

I have this medical director that I had been coaching, and I'd been [00:52:45] asking this person to deliver a product for several months in a row. I think we [00:52:50] were about three months behind the deadline, and I sent a text at the beginning of the week, "Hey, make sure [00:52:55] when I get to your hospital this week, can we have this project done?"

And this medical director broke out into [00:53:25] tears. "No, please don't do this to me. I don't deserve this." And I, my [00:53:30] eyes started filling up with tears, too, and I was like, "I don't want to do this. And at the [00:53:35] same time, I need to hold you accountable for the fact that we haven't gotten this project done, [00:53:40] and, and I need to be able to, to have the same accountability for you as I do for everyone [00:53:45] else on the team."

Started getting things done on time, recognized the importance, and th- something really [00:54:15] special happened a few months ago. This leader came up to me and just said, [00:54:20] "Hey, Bethany, I just want you to know that that moment defined me as a leader." [00:54:25] And in that moment, this medical director knew [00:54:30] that my accountability for, for them meant showing up with accountability [00:54:35] for their team.

And to have my team member come back to me and [00:55:00] say, "Bethany, thank you so much for your leadership, and thank you for that feedback conversation. It changed the [00:55:05] way I lead my team, and it changed the way I show up as a leader," those moments [00:55:10] are what make coaching and this feedback process completely worth it.

Thanks so much for being here. [00:55:40] Together, let's stop revolving and start evolving. Thanks. [00:55:45] Thank you so much for listening to the Evolve Vets podcast. It truly means the world to [00:55:50] me. If this episode supported you or sparked something new in you, [00:55:55] please go to evolvevets.com to become a member or join our [00:56:00] coaching program and truly continue this work beyond the podcast.