I met Rachel about a year ago when I heard part of her journey and part of her story. We stayed connected on Instagram and then I heard about some new parts of her journey and her story. So I said, "Rachel, I need you to come on the podcast if you are willing and able, and you want to come and share your story!"

Rachel Wright is a woman of so much motivation and inspiration as she has overcome challenge after challenge. In the last five years, she has been on a journey of really picking herself up time after time. We all have struggles in life but when you go through so much over the course of five years, you learn a lot about yourself and what you want in life. Her story is truly inspiring and it will help you appreciate the little things.

What you'll hear in this episode:

[1:00] Rachel's background.

[6:10] Some of the first things she did after the fire.

[10:45] Finding a home after the fire.

[16:20] Experiencing the worst-case scenario in her second pregnancy.

[21:50] The impact of her brother’s death on her life.

[27:30] What she did when her husband left her and how she moved through that season.

[33:15] Why it’s important to go through this process of a self-identity re-boot.

[38:54] Some of the bumpers she's put up in her life to keep her boundaries and continue on her journey of growth.

[44:00] Working on yourself before you pursue a relationship.

[49:40] Rachel’s business: Serene Ink Salon.

CONNECT WITH RACHEL

Follow Rachel: @sereneinksalon

Learn more at http://artbyrach.com/

CONNECT WITH KELSEY

Follow Kelsey: @thisiskelseysmith

Follow Momma Has Goals: @mommahasgoals

Download the app for iOS or Android

Learn more at https://thisiskelseysmith.com/

Join our text list. Text "Goals" to (707) 347-0319

Rachel Wright 0:00

I literally had like, kind of a timeline in my head. Like if I do these things this way, life is going to be great. But that didn't happen. So letting go of all that expectation and letting go of, well, if I have a house in the white picket fence in the family, I'm going to be happy.

Kelsey Smith 0:22

Let's reimagine mom life together. Mama house schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than moms, and whatever your goals are. Together, we're making them a reality

Kelsey Smith 0:49

Rachel Wright 3:57

Kelsey Smith 5:27

Yeah, it was such a scary time. And, you know, you had your one child at the time, right? So you're running as you know, a family of three, we're living in a smaller home in your parents backyard. So it was your childhood home that you also lost while you and your husband at the time and your daughter? Yes. And your daughter, we're running through that. It's definitely traumatic, definitely scary going through all of that. And unfortunately, though, sometimes really tough things like that bring a community together, right. And so while we never want those things to happen, I'd love for you to talk a little bit about what happened in the aftermath of the community coming together. What were some of the positives.

Rachel Wright 6:08

Oh, it was incredible. I mean, my family lost, my parents lost their home too. But you know, you're in this state of fight or flight mode. And my my memories actually very spotty from that time, that time in my life. But I remember just all these free stores and community coming together. And Arielle Kelly, actually, she started this store in Healdsburg. And it was literally just this open warehouse, where people could go and get diapers. And, you know, it was basically like a goodwill, but it was open to the community. So I was going there, I was getting diapers. For my two and a half year old daughter, I was getting diapers for my severely disabled brother. I mean, it was, it was really incredible. And I just have different, you know, little stories, I was actually at a goodwill, and I was looking for shoes to buy. So I could walk through the rubble of the fire. And I remember going up to pay and the woman was like, okay, it'll be like $50 for all these tennis shoes. And I just remember breaking down and just like, I really like 50 bucks, like, I literally need these shoes to walk through the ashes and see if there's anything to save. And then they'll be toxic, and I'll throw them away. And this woman came up behind me and like threw $100 bill down was like, I want to buy these shoes for you. And I don't even remember what she looks like. But I just started bawling and just gave her a big hug. And it was gestures like that all all over that we were feeling I was feeling every day. And again, I don't remember what what a lot of people looked like I was just so in this trauma response mode. But looking back now I'm like, Oh, my God, there were so many people that wanted to help us. And we are so blessed, just to live in Sonoma County.

Kelsey Smith 8:02

Yeah, I think that you know, something that people say when they go through things is often we show up and we say how can I help? And you know, I'm guilty of this too. And when people are in that situation, they can't answer the question, you need to just show up and maybe put down that money for those tennis shoes, or really get curious and what is the way you can just show up? And so let's, you know, we don't need to sit in the moment of when you were escaping, but what are some of the first things that you did or that you now know, that you could give to someone if they're ever in a situation like that? To say like, maybe here's one thing that I would prepare in your home now, should this ever happen to you, and to if this happens to you, here's the first step that I would maybe take knowing now what I know,

Rachel Wright 8:44

for me, and so many people I've talked to, I really think it boils down to two things. It's being prepared by being properly insured, which had at all, so and keepsakes, that's, that's what I experienced. I went I went through a grief counseling group with other people that had lost their home. It's the same thing it's, you know, obviously material things that financially add up. But it's the keepsakes that you you can't get back. You know, it's it's, you know, maybe just having everything that's of that value stored in one spot and you know where it is. So you're not scrambling, going up in the attic trying to pull down books that are important. And those are the things I lost were the photos that weren't on iCloud and my my daughter's, you know, scrapbook, a baby scrapbook that I was working on and I was journaling in and those are the kinds of things that tap those time capsule, memory things. You know, the night of the fire I was, I didn't even know what was going on. I thought it was the apocalypse. I grabbed my daughter stroller and just stupid things that that are totally replaceable. So Yeah, I do value items differently. I don't care as much as I used to about items. Yeah. So my perspective is different as well. Whereas before, I'm like, oh, you know, this chairs really valuable. And now I'm like, I don't really use it, I can get rid of it. So maybe that's good. Yeah. I just don't care as much. But I think it's Yeah.

Yeah, you know, we're in Northern California. So this has been become a conversation that a lot of us have here, to prepare and to think about this more, but it can happen to anyone, you know, I have a family friend that lost their home in Virginia, I have, you know, people that I know, that have navigated these things. And so this really applies to everyone. But it's especially important if you're in Northern California area, after the fire, you received some news that brought you a new hope, a new light, something that gave you a different focus. Let's talk a little bit about that shift of mindset, and really what transpired during that time for you.

Thank you. So yeah, after the fire, it was just like, chaos. Where are we going to live, you know, all of those emotions. And basically, about two weeks after the fire, I found out, you know, I was sick, I thought it was just stress, come to find out, I'm pregnant, go to the doctor, you know, we just lost our home. This is crazy. We don't even know where we're going to live long term. And he says, well, it could be crazy. Or you could be having multiples. So, you know, does ultrasound and of course, he sees two, which is like totally mind blowing. You're pregnant with twins. So I was, you know, we were extremely excited. I looked at it like, you know, we had just lost her home. This is like our double rainbow after the storm. So I was just very grateful and very excited. And I felt like we lost our, our homes, our past and these twins are our future. So it was a very exciting time, even though it was we were still reeling, obviously from the fire.

Yeah. So through that time, where were you living during the time that you found out? Because it's only two weeks later, right. So where did you guys go after the fire to find a home and where were you living when you receive this news.

So we moved around a little bit. We were in a hotel for a while again, it's so interesting, because a lot of it is a blur, a really wonderful couple. They have their second home in Forestville and they found our story on Facebook, because, you know, we all lost our homes, my parents, my severely disabled brother was in a group home and we had thought that burned down. So we had my brother in a wheelchair, me and my husband and our two and a half year old daughter and my parents, and something was posted and this couple reached out and they were like, you know, we have an extra home and force Ville you can stay as long as you want. And it was like this mansion, basically. So we were there for a while. After that. There was another another guy that just gave us really amazing rent. So we were living in his second home in Healdsburg for about three months. Yeah. And I don't remember actually what order that was. We were living in Healdsburg when I found out I was pregnant with with twins.

Okay. And so as you then navigate it, okay, this is going to be our next steps. We're going to have this new journey, we're going to be bringing these twins home, we're going to figure out our living dynamic. Then, throughout your ultrasounds, you received some other news that you were having some complications with your pregnancy. Let's talk about where you were at in your pregnancy when that happened, and kind of what transpired from there.

Right. So um, oh, sorry. There's one other thing I want to mention is before it was actually right after I found out that I was pregnant with twins, we had lost one of our vehicles in the fire. So I had heard of GNC auto body, the crow's out Family Foundation, so actually applied for a vehicle because suddenly we were going to be a family of five people. And we actually were donated a minivan from that. Wow. So it was this whole thing where we were surprised. We went to our second interview, and it was caseus. T Live at montgomery village. And we showed up and we they pulled us up on stage and they put put us on the radio and, you know, told told our story about the fire and being pregnant with twins and like Congratulations, your family's being donated a minivan and it was just one of those things where it's like, no, like this isn't happening. Yeah. So it's like you're knocked down, you're knocked down and then you have this and then your lifts on. I don't know I never I don't know who donated the van. I don't know the story behind it, but it was just walking into the parking lot with this minivan with a bow on it. Here sign this paper. It's yours. It was just a really amazing, powerful thing. So I just wanted to point that out as well because that was something in the coming Unity we've just been so blessed. And I started with that van and that van is just so sentimental to me because of of that story.

Yeah. Because every, like you said, You were only, you know, getting started with your story really. And you have, you know, multiple times where you get knocked down, you get knocked down, you get knocked down. But each time there's been something that's lifted you up each time someone has reached out a hand and helped along the way, thank goodness, because that's how you've been able to get through each of these things. And so, you know, having the fire than being you know, given some of these opportunities, whether it's with clothes and shoes and homes, to then finding out you're pregnant, and you know, still figuring out what that is going to look like getting the minivan, then being knocked down again, let's talk about that knocked down.

Let's see, the fire was October 2017. It was January sit. It's funny, because there's little little snippets that I remember specific dates, but January 6, I was a few months pregnant at that point, I went to find out the gender. And that was when they told us, you know, you're having identical boys. And we were overjoyed. And they just said we see problems. And they couldn't tell us specifically what you were. So again, it was like, You're overjoyed. And then something's wrong. Don't Google it. Because it's like going to be worst case scenario. So we played this waiting game and in and out of ultrasounds for the following two months, I didn't want to talk to anybody, because I didn't want to have to try to answer things that I had no answers to. So I really isolated myself during that time. And then you're going through the should I name them? Is this going to work out? Do Is this real? You just you're stuck. We were stuck for about two months, started doing trips back and forth to UCSF. And throughout those two months, we had, like little glimmers of hope like that things were going to work out. And then we'll maybe they won't, won't work out. So everything came to a head when we went to UCSF performed a full four hour ultrasound. That day, I finally got answers. So we were pulled into a room, we were told, you know, this is worst case scenario, if you continue your pregnancy, one twin is going to suffer. If he doesn't die after childbirth, he's going to have long term complications and possibly be on life support. You know, we were told you might be able to save the other twin, come back tomorrow. So we go back the next day. And then they tell us well, you really can't save both, because they're twins, and they're sharing, you know, life. And you have to keep both or lose both. And you have to decide right now, I was 22, almost 22 weeks pregnant at that time. And it was like, if you don't decide right now, it won't be legal in the state of California where you're gonna have to fly to Texas, and pay out of pocket, you know, because it's like an abortion, right? So do you want to go in the hallway and decide and come back and tell us what you want to do? Like, there was no like, really thought process at that point. It was like, it could be okay, oh, we can save the other one. And then it was like, This is how it is take it or leave it right. For me, it was a pretty immediate, like, we can't follow through with us and my husband and I are on the same page about it. Because it's about quality of life. And I don't want to bring my personal opinion, I don't want to bring children into the world that are life's hard enough that are going to suffer. And my my childhood I grew up with that I grew up with a severely disabled brother that was in hospitals, his whole life and suffering and pain and in a wheelchair and walkers and body braces. My entire childhood was like, so hyper focused on my brother and worried about him. And that was going to be my life with my daughter. If I had these boys. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to them. So that helps me with my decision. Just go you know what, this is two babies. This is too much. Knowing that it is worst case scenario helped me make that decision. And I will never regret that. But I'm very grateful that I got to make that decision because a lot of people don't, you know, my mom, it's make that decision. She didn't know, my brother had those issues until after he was born. So I look back and I'm very grateful. But I did go through a very deep grief period of I killed them. You know? So we made that decision. And it was literally like, okay, like, let's schedule this three days later on Valentine's day was the day that I went back. I got knocked out they were taken out of me and I woke up and then we're gone. And to be pregnant and feeling these babies inside of you and full of life. and know that they're essentially you know, they're gonna die and then you wake up and they're gone. You never saw them, you never, I didn't want to see them. That was my choice and to go home from the hospital with no babies than my milk came in, like I had given birth, and they weren't there. So I remember reaching out on a Facebook group and babies with CDH, which is what my baby had one of my twins had, which was a yes, so Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. But I remember a mom saying, Well, you shouldn't be on this group, because these are for this group is for babies that are loving, and you chose to end your pregnancy. And I felt a lot of shame for a long time about that. And I'm really glad to be here. Because I think with some of the things I've gone through, and I know, there's more to talk about, but I did feel a lot of shame for making that decision. And I know it's really common, and a lot of people don't talk about it. And I think everyone makes the right decision for their family. And there's no one way. And it is complicated. And I don't have to explain that to people. And I felt like I had, I felt like I had to give a reason. And it's like, you know, this is my life and my decision and, and I'm happy with that. Now not happy with it. But I'm content with, with those choices that we made. And we made them as a family. And as a couple. I went on to have a beautiful healthy daughter after that. That's that's thriving, and I look at it, and I'm like seeing the silver lining and things were in the moment. You don't I mean, you you're just like, why did this happen to me? Yeah, it makes you question everything. It's It's pretty crazy.

Yeah. And like you said, you know, no one can really know what they would do in a situation until they're in that situation. And not everyone is going to have the same answer. Because not everyone has the same life. And not everyone is going to make the same choices. But you have to be at peace with the decisions that you make in your life, regardless of what they are. And, you know, looking at these other experiences that have impacted your choices from your brother, let's talk a little bit about Scotty and let's talk about your place in his life throughout really your whole life, your childhood and really just what happened before your second daughter was born with Scotty too?

Yeah, so my brother just he was born very mentally and physically disabled his his whole life. You know, he was confined to a wheelchair when he was five years old. And he never walked again. After that. He had very severe scoliosis, and just so many countless surgeries, and he just he suffered a lot. He was always in pain. He was always the challenge was he couldn't express what was wrong because of his mental disabilities. And he was a kid and so he would cry in pain and you're constantly like, on high alert, worried, you know, so you're gonna be okay, so you're gonna die. And I always felt that way, my whole childhood. And I look back now at why I am the way I am. You know, why, why all a day, you know, we're all affected by our childhood that makes us who we are. And I think I'm a very empathetic person because of my brother, because I was always put kind of putting his needs before my own. You know, despite all of his complications, he, he really inspired me, he was the happiest person I knew. So he just the little things in life, you know, doing a puzzle with him, made him so happy. And so it was so inspiring, because I feel like we get caught up in daily life when we get frustrated and, and that's totally normal. But like my brother, it's like, he's crippled in his body. He can't do anything. Hardly, you know, he's just laying there on the floor. And you just sit with them and you smile with him. And he just lit up my worlds because he was so he was so positive. So it was just really inspiring. And after, after he passed away, there were like, 300 plus people at his service. And people speaking about how how inspiring Scotty was because he was so he couldn't explain it. But he was just such a positive little person for, you know, this opposition of so much suffering. So it's it helps me move forward with everything just going, You know what, I'm frustrated. I can go for a hike. My brother couldn't even walk. So it helps me now. appreciate the little things.

Yeah. And how great to leave that story behind and you have him to build so much of your journey. At this point. 2017 We're moving forward. you've navigated fire, you've navigated the loss of your twins, you've navigated all the things that you've been going through the loss of your brother and your son daughters born another one of those uplifting lighting moments, right? Another one of those kinds of sunshine shining through all these hard things that are happening. So when was your daughter born and tell me like, What was life like in that moment.

So my second daughter was born after my brother passed away. And she, it was, again, it was a little crazy. We had just bought a house. So we, that was like this, this new kind of, like, let's start up our life again. And then, you know, had our second daughter in that house. And that was actually during the peak of the pandemic of 2020 when I had her, so the whole world knows that was that was chaotic. Putting my five year old daughter through, she was in kindergarten, and she was on Zoom every day, and she was home had a newborn. But I mean, I just wasn't taking life for granted. At that point. It was like, you know, we're gonna be okay, I have my family together, I was so focused on, everything's gonna be okay, my kids are healthy. And we have this house, and we're so lucky. So I really do value that time that I had with my kids during the pandemic, even though it was really hard, you know, soft working, and I was at home, but I mean, I'm sure everybody can relate to this. Yeah. I have that time with my kids. And I'll never I'll never get that back. So I really value that.

Yeah. And so what month was your second daughter born?

She was born July of 2020. So I was pregnant when the pandemic hit. And of course, I was like, the crazy person like getting groceries delivered sanitizing watermelons before I fridge?

Well, there was a lot of information going around, it was hard to know what to do. I went through every season, I feel like I gave birth to my second in February of 2021. So I was only about six months behind you. And same, you know, you're trying to figure out what's the right decision, what is going on. And you're hearing probably all sorts of things. And everyone chooses to process that differently. But there was a lot going on, and a lot of conversation AI and some good isolation in the sense of like you said, having that time with your kids and really being focused on family and being together. And that period can be so special. Now, so just a little under a year or later, from the time that your daughter was born. Let's talk about what happened then.

My little one was it was a week before her first birthday, and my other one was turning five. So they're exactly five years apart. Their birthday was coming up five days later, and it was Father's Day, my husband, he was out. He came, He came home on Father's Day morning. And he basically was like, We need to talk. So we go outside and talk and he's just like, I don't love you. I don't want to be with you. And I'm done. And more words were said, but it was extremely blindsiding I was, I would say that really, really rocked my worlds more so than everything else. Because I felt like we had gone through all these traumas together. And at least we had each other. Or at least in my mind, I felt like we were indestructible because we could do, we can do anything now we lost our babies like so if I might have had the blinders on a little bit, because I just was so focused on keeping the family together. During the pandemic, it brought to light some, you know, issues between our relationship and you know, we're trying counseling, I was really trying everything. I don't have divorce in my family. I never saw anything. But outside of that I just, I wanted to have my babies and have my family and, you know, we had the house, we had all these things. So I didn't see life outside of that. He really did blindside me I was, I was very, I was very shocked. I thought this is the one person that my best friend that I trust, and I completely lost that. And just the nature of the way it happens was very harsh. I did find out after that, that I don't want to say too much. But that basically he was living a double life. For me that brought so much anger. And I felt like I didn't have closure and I had to go through the whole process of divorce. And I felt that right away when he left me because the nature of the way it happened. It's like okay, that slams the door shut for me. I'm done. Like there's there's no going back. We started the divorce process. We sold our house I didn't want to sell my house. I was like for me it was like we just lost our home in a fire like two years. So for me it felt like another fire. Another loss like just losing our house so I was really holding on to the house. I got an attorney. She's like, you need to let go of the house, you can afford it. It was a lot. It was a lot during that time. And it was also scary because it was so much unknown. And I was, I was very dependent on my husband financially at that time. I was working before the pandemic, but during the pandemic, I was a stay at home mom. So my identity was being a stay at home mom, I had a baby, I was still nursing my baby. So I was just like housecleaning, like I was in this mode. So when I had to sell my house and like, what am I going to do? I'm not only going to be alone, but I have to support myself. I have to figure this out, like right now. And I think because of the nature of the way things happened, it really propelled me to go you know what, life is short. I love art artists, my passion and my life. And I've always done commissioned artwork and had other jobs. So after left me I actually went to lunch with a friend. We went to college together and she was like, I was like, What am I going to do I have to any figured this out, like right now. And she's like, you know, Rachel, I always thought you could be a tattoo artist. And I'm like, yeah, like, I have this like, like, epiphany moment of like, Fuck, yeah, like, I'm gonna do that. Like, why not like Life is short. Go for it, like go for, you know, I don't know if your dreams or whatever you call it. But I think the thought of it always kind of intimidated me. But after all of all of this shit had happened. I'm like, Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna go for it. And it wasn't to prove. It wasn't to prove to anybody. It was like, I need to do something for myself. Now, this this is me. And like, my survival mode, you know? Yeah. It was literally like a week. A week later, I started working at a tattoo shop a week after my husband left me. And, you know, he wasn't very supportive. And I told him, I was gonna do this. And he kind of laughed about it like, yeah, right. And there was a lot of gaslighting going on that made me question that I wasn't good enough. I felt that way. For a long time. To be honest with you. I had, I doubted myself a lot. I lost a lot of self esteem. But I also look at it like, we got together. So young, I was we were both 20 years old. I hadn't really developed my identity when we got together. And I just kind of took a backseat in our relationship. So when we separated, it was like, who am I? Yeah. And I think a lot of people feel that way. I think when you have kids, and you have an infant, you put so much into other people and into these children and into your relationship that it's like, you're not doing the self care and the self, the things that I was lacking for a long time. So I mean, I can sit here and say he did this, he did that. But I did that, like I to my friends. And just, it's easy to point fingers when you're going through a divorce. But I look back now and I'm like, maybe this is what I did. Or this is what I lacked, you know, when I didn't have a good sense of self, I really did. So it kind of propelled me and forced me to figure it out.

I think it's so great. Because, you know, not only is it really important for you to really go through this process of your self identity to really go through and say, wow, you know, I have been knocked down time after time in a short period of time, like not just throughout your whole life, like through a five year span of just down, down, down. You know, sometimes people have five year goals. It's one big goal that they're accomplishing, you're overcoming thing after thing after thing. But ending it at this point, bringing it up to this point of really being like, Wow, all those things happened. And what I've heard you kind of lead to is somehow some way it all brought me to this new reboot coming of myself. And being a mom for my two daughters that not only shows up and says you can do anything that you want, I love you. You're a strong woman, all of these things, but to say now mommy's doing it too. And maybe Mommy didn't always know what her full worth was. And maybe she didn't always know what her self love was. And maybe that was partially because of environments and conversations maybe but also you now have been given the self power the springboard the support the community knowing you've overcome all of this. Well, yeah, you had that version that you were like we did this together. At the end of the day you did it. You overcame each of those things. And now you're showcasing what you're doing next and what you can do. So let's talk a little bit about the chapter that you're in. Now. You now have come into this new you know, identity of doing tattoos going after your dreams really showcasing your girls what you can do in your power. Let's talk about what you're excited about what you've like blown your mind with you've been able to do In this period of time that you like, look back, and you're like, Man, I actually have done it like I did it. I'm so proud of myself. So let's talk about what you're excited about, let's talk about what you have done, and maybe some things that you're still in it with, too, because let's be real.

Yeah, it's great. It's all like the waves of the ocean, like good days and bad days, time really does help, time really does help. But you know, I, I really do notice, like reflecting back like, I, I used to have a lot more anxiety. And just as a person, I was always like, this is what I should be doing. Like, these are the norms of society. So like, you know, I graduated high school, and it's like, okay, I want to, we got together, it's like, Okay, let's go to college. First, let's travel, let's get married, and then have kids like, I literally had, like, kind of a timeline in my head. Like, if I do these things this way. Life is going to be great, right? So, but that didn't happen. So letting go of all that expectation, and letting go of, well, if I have a house, in the white picket fence in the family, I'm going to be happy. I had all that. And I thought I was happy. But I realize now on the other side, that I wasn't happy. You know, and I'm so hyper focused on like, if I have these, these things, and there's so much pressure in our society, like to have all those things and have the family and have. And when that falls apart, it's like, well, what's wrong with you? So I felt I did feel a lot of shame for a long time about that, like downsizing, get it getting rid of everything. And, you know, it's like, what's wrong with you a failed marriage. And it's easy to stay in it. Because you're, you don't see anything outside of it, and you have a role and you've lost your identity, and you're not, you know, you have insecurities, like, it's really easy to fall into that. And I'm glad it happened. And it's really weird. I never thought I would say that. But the nature of the way it happens, it propelled me to go you know, what, screw this life is short, there's more for me and I, there's so much more that I deserve. So I started a journey of just seeking that. And I'm not gonna say, it's easy it was, it's been really hard. And it's only been been a year and a half. But for me, given the nature of the way things happen, it was for me, working on letting go of anger, letting go of that societal, like, saying that I should, I should do this in this way, and everything's gonna line up. Well, that's, that's not reality. And you can have a plan for your life. Like, I feel like all of us have like a plan. I don't have a plan anymore. And I'm happier. I don't have like an expectation anymore. I used to think I was never present before. I was like, you know, looking forward to the next vacation or focusing too much on the past. And now it's like, this is where I am in the moment. And I'm okay with that. If there's a vacation in the future, I'll think about it when it comes. And that's really, really helped me as learning how to be present. You know, yoga, meditation, I sit now and I do guided meditations, that brings me back into my body. It helps me relieve stress. And I'm just a lot happier of a person and I don't have I've let go of that expectation for my life and that timeline. And people now we're like, Okay, what do you what do you see for your future? Like, are you going to be married? Have a house? I'm like, I know, I don't want any more kids. I'm very fulfilled with my two daughters. Maybe I'll have a house. Maybe I'll get married? I don't know. I'm not I'm not. I have no expectation. And I think letting go of that just makes me a happier person.

Yeah. And I think you know, from my time knowing you is the goal, to go out and get married again. Like I don't think either of us would advocate for that like journey of searching. But the first time we met was at a vision board party. And I know that you do have the vision of how you want to feel you have the vision of the type of mom you want to be you have the vision of how your home feels, how would the self worth that you've already been able to pick back up a little bit and how you're going to continue to build on that and go forward. And so it may not look like well my two goals are exactly this. My home goals are exactly this my relationship goals are exactly this that I know I want to feel this way and I know I don't want to feel this way. So let's talk a little bit about maybe the kind of my son's going bowling today and it reminds me of like the bumpers right? What are the bumpers that you're putting up in your life that when you like as a little bowling ball go and hit that you go nope, not going there. To be able to come back and like have these little bumpers whether it's with your own self worth maybe these stories that kind of come up that you like hit a bumper with and you go nope, pushing that away. What are some of the things that you vision for yourself? how you show up for yourself in this next chapter,

you know that that's the other thing about divorce is like you, you feel like, like guilty for your kids like, Oh, you're doing this to your kids, and you don't want to break up a family and all of that. But I'm a more present mom now than I was before. So I have my kids half the time when I don't have them, I'm really focusing on myself, which is finding a balance of spending time with friends and family and having I have deeper relationships now with those people than I had before. And I value conversations more, and I just have a totally different perspective on life. So when I do have my kids, I'm a happier person, I'm more like, I'm just I just feel like a better mom. So it's interesting, because even though we are divorced, we have two separate households. It's hard. You know, it's sucks. It's not fair. But I just because I'm happier with myself and who I am. And I'm finding my confidence again, and what makes me happy and what I enjoy, when I'm with my kids, that resonates to them, and they're happy. And that's, that's really all that matters. And we're still a family. And whatever falls into place in the future does. And people used to say, like, I think things happen for a reason, that used to make me angry, I didn't want to hear that. It's like, no, this doesn't happen for a reason. There's a reason for all this. But now I see the silver lining and things. And I don't get as I don't want to say as attached, but it's easier for me to let things go. So you know, I started working at a tattoo shop. And that relationship with with my boss was also not a healthy relationship. For me, it was, it was toxic. And I decided I needed to get out of that I wanted to be a tattoo artist, but I need to explore something else. So it kind of propelled me to go, you know, what this isn't working and move on. And then I started my own business. And I never thought I was I would do that. I never, I mean, a year and a half ago, I never thought I would be, you know, opening up my own studio space being a newer tattoo artists, like, I'll figure it out. And it's kind of pushed me to that discomfort that I've been kind of forced into so many times has caused so much growth because I've also been able to sit with it. And I've had a lot of times over the last year and a half that it's like, this is too hard, not wanting to sit with it, and maybe being overly social, because I want to go out and not not fit in the pain already. And then when I had my kids, I'm like, if I'm in this mindset of like, this is too hard. I'm a single mom, I'm literally doing everything in this household by myself. That doesn't help me move forward. So I realized I was in this mindset of like, oh my god, like, you know, I was kind of like in this victim mentality. Like, why did this happen to me, and it, it was keeping me stuck. So I just I started exercising more. Hiking, getting out in nature has really helped me just having deeper connections with friends, I started going to church, that has been so therapeutic for me, of just letting go of the things I can't control. Yeah, and just being present in the moment, and which I've never been able to practice before. I never understood it before. Now I if I start feeling flustered about situations, and I'm able to get that time to myself, I I'll sit and kind of get more grounded my body. And then I can refocus and recenter. So I've kind of learned these tools through just therapy, church groups, community, but also finding a balance of being alone. You know, and being able to sit with myself and not just run into a relationship. And I think it's really easy to do that when you're, you're hurt and you want validation. And I've had moments that I've trust me, like, I'm alone and I want to be loved. And it's it's really the whole dating thing. It's a very interesting topic, based on not its own. But I

think I've known I've heard too is it's so important. And you're doing this work on yourself, right? Because if you don't do that work and you get into another relationship, if you get into another working engagement, if you get to a place like not only do you need to make sure it's solid for you, but you have two daughters that are going to be a part of whatever decision you choose to pursue another relationship. And if you're not working on yourself, and it doesn't mean that there's anything broken or anything you need to fix. But if you're not elevating yourself and strengthening yourself and making sure that you're in a place that you know your whole as you and that you're full and worthy without anyone else, then if you do get into a relationship, you aren't maybe going to be in the right place personally to be able to show up in maybe a good relationship or If you start noticing it's a bad relationship, knowing that you should step away and having that just fool you have to be bulls yourself. Not not fool with someone else. Right?

Yeah, really, because it's easy to go, oh, you know, like I, I need this to feel to feel something and to feel whole and I need help. It's easy to feel that way. I mean, I moved into, you know, my duplex. And at first again, it was my mentality, I would, I would stand in the middle of my living room, and my kids were first Christmas, they weren't with me, and I had them 50% of the time, and I missed them. And suddenly, I didn't have my kids all the time. And that was really hard. And I'm just like, time helps. But I would stand there and go, Oh, my gosh, like if cocoa melons not on, what do I watch, because everything revolved around my kids like, now this is about me. So I do value that time when I don't have them because I am able to refill my cup and focus on myself, which I couldn't do before. But again, it's looking at the things I can't control. I can't control that I only have I don't see them every day. And it sucks, but making the most of it is like, well, I refill my cup. And then when I have them I'm, I'm a better mom.

Yeah, definitely finding that self identity and who you are outside of motherhood is so important. Well, Rachel, your story is one of such inspiration and motivation, a little bit of heartbreak, or a lot of it depending on how you want to think about it. But you are such a strong human, you've overcome so many things more than the average human should have to. And you as a woman, I know are coming out of this so much stronger, so much more self identified. So just really getting started. It reminds me of just like the phoenix rising from the ashes of you in literally right with the fire and all of that being a part of your journey. And I cannot wait to have you back on the podcast in the future and talk about really where you are at because you're just now really stepping into this next chapter of like, having your own business and navigating this. And really up to this point, it's been overcoming and picking it up and getting started. And of course, there's going to be other things that knock you down, that's life. But you know that you can handle it and you are so strong. I'm so like, proud of you. I'm so honored to be a part of you sharing your story and you sharing this with our community. If there was one thing, if there's a listener that's just like, maybe hasn't navigated the same things, but they're feeling down, they're feeling hard. They're feeling they've been knocked down. What is the one thing that you want to leave with that listener about getting up today, just today, what's one thing they can do today,

I just think having the balance is important. Like, if you're feeling sad, it's okay to feel sad, and to feel those feelings. And to know that you're not, you're not alone. And if you have a day that you need to be alone and just a process, I think that's important. I think journaling is important and getting all of those thoughts and feelings out on paper. Because once you do that all the rattling in your brain is like a quieter. So just different tools like that. Or if you need to talk, talk to a friend, you know, find find someone that that you can trust, and you know, having relationships with people that you can trust. So it is a balance of having that time yourself to, you know, the times that I've been alone. That's when I witnessed the most growth is when I'm by myself, not with other people. So I'm built up when I'm with other people, they bring out the best new version of me. But when I'm alone, and I'm really sit alone with my thoughts, that's what I'm really processing. And I think that's really healthy. But I do want to say like, I don't think I would be where I am. For me the silver lining with deciding to be a tattoo artist. It plays so much into all of these traumas that happened me loving art and being an artist prior to that, and then having these traumas, it has a lot to do with tattooing, because I love connecting with people I love sitting in a room with people and they're explaining you know, their their tattoo and how it resonates because their mom passed away and it's so emotional. And I love that I love I love therapy. I love talking about these these subjects. So it's really wonderful to talk about how it resonates with people and be able to create that on their body. So it's it's not just slapping on artwork and like moving on with your day. It's like creating these new connections and like people are letting me into their life in a way and that aspects. So it kind of for me like this whole situation is kind of just come full circle into like me having this career.

I'm so proud of you. Let's talk about your business. How can we support you? How can we follow you? Where can everyone connect and really be friends with you on the internet? Where do you want to send them?

I do Instagram, if you've heard of that. So my Instagram is serene Inc salon. It's all one word. But that's the name of my, you know, I want it to be a different environment from a traditional tattoo shop. You know, it's like that environment, a lot of women that are just more comfortable. Just the one on one. So yeah, it's called serene Inc, salon. And I have a website, my portfolios there.

We'll put all of that in the show notes so that you guys can tap over and link there. And again, Rachel is in Santa Rosa. So if you are farther away, Santa Rosa, California, you may need to travel to come get your beautiful artwork done with Rachel. But Rachel, like I said, you're just such an inspiration. Thank you. So so much for being here. I absolutely love just hearing your journey and your story and how cool that you're going to have all these. This is going to be one of many podcasts that you share your story on, I know for the future and your daughters are going to be able to listen to just how you've really overcome this and really shown them that they can do anything and overcome anything and that at the end of the day, you are so worthy invaluable of all of your hopes and dreams and ability to move forward. So thank you so much for being here. As always, please leave a review sharing your biggest takeaway tag Rachel and I so we can hear really what of her story resonated with you share where this sits with you how you can support a friend and download the mom has goals app, so you can share some love and community and support in there as well. Rachel, before we click off here, we talked about the first thing that you could do to overcome a Hard Place yourself what is one thing that someone could do to support someone else going through a hard time. I know it's situational, depending on what they have going on. But maybe it's even just like a text message they send today. What's the type of text message that you would have liked to receive during any of those parts of your journey?

I can relate. I have many friends that did this for me. So I feel very blessed. But just people that reach out. It's the little things that matter. You know, when you're going through that hard stuff, someone that's a friend that's like, can I bring you a meal or you're hanging out text me when you get home? It's just those little so I know you're safe. It's those little things that add up to, to real unconditional love in a friendship. And I think you know, the the people that were there for me, I'm now coming out of my like trauma phase and I'm able to I'm able to be there for other people now. So it's it's those people that were there for me now. I'm like, I'm suddenly like, Oh, my eyes are open. I'm here for you. What do you need? So it's nice to be able to, to give that back.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, you guys heard that. Send a text message to a friend. Check in with them, bring them a coffee or a meal, and just be there. So thank you so much, Rachel, thank you so much for being here. Mama's we'll talk next week. Hey, Mama, I want to make sure you know about this really epic opportunity we have going on right now for you to win a woman owned product to celebrate Valentine's Day and Women's History Month from February 13. Through the end of March for Women's History Month. We are giving away a woman's own product every single day in our free phone app. All you have to do is go to your app store type mama has goals M O M M A has goals, download the app, say hello to the community in the main activity feed group and you are up to win one of our epic giveaway prizes 46 different opportunities. So tap in say hello and see what you win.