This podcast episode elucidates the multifaceted experiences of modern life as we navigate through personal challenges and societal expectations. Central to our discussion is the exploration of mental health, particularly the quest for understanding potential ADHD and the trials associated with seeking professional assistance. I share my reflections on the often-overlooked nuances of daily routines and the impact of external factors such as weather and seasonal changes on our mental well-being. As we delve into my personal journey, we recognize the significance of small victories, such as approaching the one-year milestone at my workplace and embracing newfound coping mechanisms, including the therapeutic joys of cycling. Ultimately, this episode serves as a poignant reminder of the resilience inherent in our shared human experience and the importance of fostering connections, even in a digitally saturated landscape. Listeners are invited to join a reflective exploration of personal growth and the intricacies of modern life as I recount my experiences leading up to my one-year anniversary at the Abacus Lounge. The episode begins with a vivid description of the current weather in New York, characterized by fluctuating temperatures that serve as a metaphor for the unpredictability of life itself. As I delve into the challenges faced over the past year, I candidly share my journey of seeking professional assistance to address concerns about potential ADHD, only to encounter the disheartening reality of being told I do not meet the criteria for such a diagnosis. This moment of rejection, likened to a childhood game of 'hot and cold,' underscores the often frustrating quest for self-understanding and acceptance. I emphasize the importance of self-care and adaptability, noting the introduction of a new supplement aimed at enhancing cognitive function, reflecting my ongoing pursuit of well-being amidst life's uncertainties. The narrative progresses as I navigate the complexities of balancing work, personal health, and social interactions in an increasingly isolating world. My discussions extend to the experiences of remote work and the diminishing opportunities for meaningful social engagement, which have become prevalent in the post-COVID landscape. I articulate the emotional toll of feeling disconnected from a community that once thrived on interaction and camaraderie, lamenting the shift in podcasting dynamics where listener engagement appears to have waned. Through this lens, I examine the broader implications of societal changes on individual well-being, concluding with a hopeful note about embracing the journey ahead, regardless of the obstacles encountered along the way. The episode culminates in reflections on personal milestones, including the recent anniversary of my relationship, juxtaposed with my husband’s health challenges that necessitated urgent medical attention. This intertwining of personal life and health concerns serves as a poignant reminder of the fragility of existence and the necessity of vigilance in caring for oneself and loved ones. I conclude by inviting listeners to engage with the podcast, reminding them of the importance of community and shared experiences in navigating the trials and tribulations of life. The episode is not merely a recounting of events but an exploration of the emotional landscape that accompanies personal and professional challenges, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own journeys and the support systems they cultivate along the way.

Takeaways:

• The speaker reflects on the challenges of adapting to changing job conditions and economic realities.
• They discuss their personal journey with mental health and the pursuit of professional help.
• The importance of maintaining social connections and the impact of isolation on mental well-being is emphasized.
• The speaker shares insights about their routine and how they find solace in nature through biking.
• A critical view of healthcare accessibility and the shortcomings of insurance systems is presented.
• The episode concludes with an appeal for listener engagement and feedback to foster a sense of community.

Links referenced in this episode:

• matinemanutia.com
• djstarsagemail.com

Well, hello there, listeners.

It's your boy dj, and I'm coming to you once again from the Mistress Jackie.

It is my Friday and I am heading on in to Oslo to pay my dues.

To clock in at the Abacus Lounge.

Sit back, relax, grab a drink in your favorite snack.

You're in store for the next edition of Surely youy, the Day to Day Life of a Modern Day Jester.

So how are you and what have you been up to?

As I mentioned, I'm just about to end my work week and it's a little dreary outside.

The dashboard is reading 55 degrees and it's a little overcast outside.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, it looks like it's gonna rain anytime now, but is there rain in the forecast?

No, not necessarily.

But that is life in New York State.

Warm one day, cold the next.

Is it spring?

Is it fall?

Who know?

Summer is supposedly going to be here in a few short weeks.

But whether or not it's actually summer, well, let's just say the other week I was glad that I put the air conditioner in in my office.

Yes, I have to do things manually because I live in an older house.

We don't have those conveniences others call central air.

We don't have ductwork.

It's an old colonial style revival, which means we have pipes for heat.

It's called the conduction heat, you know, the radiators.

And I'm not talking about the kind that go, you know, up to your knee or higher.

These are the kinds that are baseball board height and.

Well, it's been a while since I've talked about that, so just putting things into perspective.

Speaking of perspective, my glasses are a little bit dirty.

So in a momentito while I grab some cotton fabric and try to get these bearable.

There we go.

Okay, so what is new?

Well, not much, honestly.

I'm just glad to have figured out my routines to rest assured that anytime now we will be coming up on my one year with the Abacus Lounge.

It's still about a month away, but you know, it's on the horizon, so there is hope.

It wasn't all that long ago that it felt like it would never be here.

And there were certainly doubts in my mind on whether I'd be celebrating celebrating my one year or having another trip through the looking glass, you know what I mean?

I don't like to talk about last year all the time.

And I will do my best to make this the briefest.

But I'm glad that shortly the worst Year in recent memory will shortly be behind me.

It has certainly been a journey.

I recently, I recently attempted to get some professional help by means of seeing a psychiatrist.

Needless to say, hubby and I shelled out a pretty penny to have some testing done.

And this was all in the hopes that I would be able to say if I had adhd, attention deficit or whatever it's being called these days.

And while there was hope for a while that I would get some answers, that I might actually get some help.

After undergoing the testing and waiting the two weeks it took them to prepare their professional report, the day came and I was told yet again because I did have a attempt with therapist through virtual means.

So again I was told, you don't have it.

Well, you know, silly me, looking for answers, thought I might have figured something out and I was told no, no.

It's like when you were a child and you might have played hide and seek with your friends and you maybe use terms to let people know if they were close to finding you, you know, hot or cold.

Well, I thought I was hot.

Apparently I was cold.

And boy, is it cold.

When you feel that you have been turned down at an opportunity.

Figure things out for yourself.

Now, I'm fine.

I'm okay.

As you, you know, might tell.

Sure.

It's probably a classic example of what they call masking meaning.

I put on a happy face and I continue on through my day.

I have managed to.

Find other means.

I guess when you can't have more people join the boat and take an ore, maybe you just put more into what you've got.

The short version of it is I had a talk with my doctor and well, back during the holidays I changed my medication because I felt that I was experiencing some side effects that included weight retention.

But we increased my medication and maybe I'm driving more with both hands on the so to speak.

But I'm also taking a supplement and that's, that's a fancy way of saying that I'm taking a vitamin.

Although I honestly hope that it's a little more serious than just a vitamin.

It is.

It, it's.

I'm taking a supplement called CET C I T O C O L I N. There are different names that companies sell it by just so they can have a trademark really.

But it's essentially supposed to be the things that nutritionists and doctors say are good and beneficial for promoting healthy brain function.

And they, they put this under a bucket term of focus.

So, you know, that means that you're supposed to be Able to pay attention to detail more, although I'm not sure how it manages to do that.

When one of the problem that folks who feel that they have ADHD experience is a difficulty with focusing when there are too many stimuli.

That's the term for multiple stimuluses, stimulants, distractions.

Yes, here I am driving on the road to work, talking to you and playing music at the same time.

I am not distressed.

I can tell you I have this route memorized.

But when you have to go about your day juggling multiple balls, metaphorically, you know, you've got your, your workload of orders that you are supposed to be going through.

You've got to check your documentation, make sure that you're carrying out your the way you're supposed to and you are selecting everything that has been requested.

And then on top of that, at any time you could be getting a phone call or you could be getting a chat and all the while you're supposed to be keep doing what you're doing.

It's a heavy price we pay when we try to keep ourselves in the workforce as the march of time crosses our face, our hearts, our minds, as we have another birthday.

Like a tree growing another ring and revealing its age.

So I'm okay.

I'm managing as best as anyone might, perhaps, and maybe, maybe a little better than someone else might because, you know, I've made an effort, I've tried, I've asked, and I am doing something about things.

Do I have all the answers?

No.

But do any of us really?

The best that I can do is the best that I can do.

And if at the end of the day my best isn't good enough, well, I guess it's just not meant to be.

And so far, since I am within a stone's throw of celebrating my one year, I choose to believe that maybe my good enough might just be good enough.

Because I can't go through life wondering if the metaphorical temple of Doom is going to start crashing down around me just because I've taken the statue from the altar.

You know, I've put in my 40 hours, the week and I've collected my pay.

I just can't let those demons be lurking in the shadows telling me that there's something I've overlooked, something is going to catch up with me.

Like I'm a person who's on the run from some sort of a pursuit or, you know, an assassin who's out to get me.

I think that if you think about it for a moment, that assassin could be you.

You know, you sabotage yourself when you think that your best isn't good enough.

And sure, maybe you could devote a little bit more attention to what you're doing, but are you going to get paid anymore to do it?

I say this because I've had the privilege of working a union job job.

And of course, that was some of the most rewarding pay that I have received.

And.

In perspective with the economy, this is my old man.

And you know, you kids get off of my lawn speech.

In my working years, in my experience, I have rarely experienced.

Well, I guess that would be just too negative.

We'll move on.

So it's overcast out, but the sun is trying to peek its way through.

I'm seeing a little bit more blue sky and fewer clouds as I'm on my way to work.

Is that a metaphor?

Maybe.

I mean, I only get out of the house a couple of times a week.

It's the day that I report information to the office.

And when I leave the house to do grocery shopping, I know I could order things to be delivered or I could, you know, just have them ready for me to pick up when I get there.

But my wandering around the store and encountering other people is my human contact experience for the week.

Yeah, you know, it's sad to say most of my adult years were spent working in offices where you went in.

And sometimes somebody had a birthday or an anniversary with the company or maybe the company was celebrating an award or something and, you know, there'd be a paid lunch.

Well, those days are pretty much all gone, so you have to invent your own occasions for parties.

And mine is treating myself to a coffee and breakfast on the way into the office.

I only do it once a week, so it's not like I've ordered a dozen donuts and eaten them all by myself.

I mean, come on.

Although I will say my favorite of late is a carrot cake muffin at my local coffee shop.

It has a pudding center.

I thoroughly enjoy that.

And I leave that until after my coffee.

And lately I have been enjoying bike ride.

Bicycle.

Yes, I know I have a three wheeler, but I'm not the 80s comedian Gallagher, not a toddler, so I don't call it my tricycle, but my bike.

I've been taking advantage of the nice weather and I enjoy a morning bike ride several days a week.

It's my own form of therapy.

And if I haven't said it before, I really do feel that my part of the country feels like a.

A little sliver of Europe.

New York State.

Has the finger lakes region.

Hello, toppy, smelly.

And we have some of the nicest nature hiking and biking and trails.

And I've lived right next to them for over a decade.

Until I got my bike last year, I was not fully versed, Fully aware of the power of nature in that, as they say, some of the best things in life are free.

And so rather than just walking with music like I've done for so many years, I get on my helmet.

Yes, I wear a helmet and a reflective vest.

I have one of those bright orange vests that folks wear when they're doing construction work or, you know, are a crossing guard.

And I get on my bike, take my phone and my earbuds with me, listen to music while I'm out on the trail.

And there are just a combination of different paths that I take.

One goes through a wooded lane, which means it's a path that has trees on both sides.

Very picturesque.

And the canal, the erie canal is to one side.

But the Erie canal was built as a means to allow new Yorkers to travel from one place to the next, and it was actually a means of promoting commerce.

Back in those days, people used to send their grain to the city to be ground into flour.

And, you know, sometimes they would.

They just sold whatever they made.

There's.

There's a whole cottage industry in New York state In the heyday of the railroad.

And I live right next to.

So I get on my bike, and for half an hour or so before work, I disappear into nature and try to forget all that troubles me.

I do eventually have to return to the house, so there is that.

But it's just a few steps away, and I can return to it on my day off, I would say after work, but these days I work until sunset.

So I'm not going to be riding my bike at night, that's for sure, because that's a.

No.

No.

You can buy lights to wear on there.

But the parks, the canals, the trails, they are closed at night.

You know, you've heard that expression from dusk till dawn.

Well, that's when the public parks are closed.

So I guess in reality, it's just really no secret that many of us who have been doing the same kind of work for any amount of time because of the economy really aren't making what we may be used to during better times.

You probably certainly know that if you been searching for employment opportunities or maybe you just got tired of being in the same organization that you've been.

Sometimes it's a nice change of pace to put feelers out there and sort of see what your.

Your value is, what you're worth is.

And it's definitely a humbling experience to realize there are fewer in some cases, or at least in mine, fewer opportunities for the types of jobs that I used to do.

So it's bittersweet because I do enjoy where I.

And I wish that there were opportunities for better compensation, but that is just not a reality.

You know, I could take a chance and look elsewhere, but I really honestly don't think that's realistic until the current administration is out of the nation's capital, if you catch my drift.

Climates come and go and attitudes change and, well, oftentimes it's up to the people who are steering the ship to realize that somebody has jumped off a while back there, you know, man overboard.

And, well, I'd rather just stick it out where I am and should things change someday, with any luck, maybe look at things then.

And speaking of looking at things and then, it recently occurred to me that I've been doing this thing called podcasting for.

For at least a decade between my old show and my other shows that I do.

Surely you just.

The one you're listening to right now has had nine seasons.

And while in the beginning I got into podcasting because it's offered a.

An outlet, it seems that that climate has changed.

The we understand the unique pressures lgbtq and we offer free responses.

The expectations are different.

You know, we have free services out there where you can, with an Internet connection, watch any number of programs from days gone by, you know, all those sitcoms and all those golden oldies not have to pay a cent for it.

Well, in that same sense, it feels like there is.

There are so many people who have taken a microphone and have basically tried to market their own brand, and it causes me to look, to think back at what am I offering that's different than anyone else?

I mean, sure, there may be some individuals that I made the acquaintance of and some people who I consider friends, but unlike the early days of podcasting, the level of interaction just is not there anymore.

And so I can't help but feel that I'm simply talking to myself most of the time I'm doing this.

So I guess where I'm going with this is if you don't hear from me again anytime soon, at least on Shirley, you Jest.

You can go over and listen to my dulcet tones on matinee minutia.

It's just, it used to feel more rewarding when people, when people would interact, when people would comment on posts, when people would email and say things like, I know how you feel.

I had that same experience.

And these days, with the amount of people who have taken upon themselves to do a show, I'll be it.

You know, a lot of them will just do a few episodes and sayonara.

But with the, the amount of shows that are out there, it's just dropping pennies in the.

Well, nobody interacts anymore.

And that is part of, of why some of us got into this hobby, to have interaction with others.

You know, in more recent years since COVID I have mostly worked remotely.

So my daily life does not include interacting with people for more than the time that I'm on a phone call for my employees.

And as I said, I only get out of the house a couple of times a week.

I go grocery shopping or I go to fulfill my day in the office requirement.

And sure, I suppose that's on me.

You know, I could make an effort.

And I feel that I do.

You know, I, I do go into the out of doors and I do ride my bike places and anybody who wants to can say hello.

I'm the sort of weird country kid that as I'm passing you on the bike trail will wave and say good morning.

Because that's just polite, that's just good manners.

But of course, we live in an era when too many people have nothing nice to say.

So of course the old saying is if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.

And I suppose maybe we've earned that.

You know, people have been so rotten to each other that rather than raise the bar and expect to be treated like a decent human being, it's easier for people to keep their mouth shut and not even raise their head to acknowledge somebody who might be in the aisle at the grocery store and maybe having problems reaching something on an upper shelf.

Oh no.

Hydrogen forbidden.

Did somebody actually be a human being and offer assistance?

I'm just tired of expecting more and not getting more.

And you know, it's a double edged sword really.

You can really only get what you give.

And I, I feel sometimes that just talking to myself is not its own reward.

Mind you, maybe I would feel differently about things if I could afford a therapist.

Heaven forbid that someone in the Americas would actually have a full time job and pay for benefits and actually have insurance that is useful.

Am I a little bitter right now?

Maybe.

But you know, just to put things into perspective, I asked my doctor for help locating a therapist that accepts my insurance.

And of course they had their own social worker for their practice whose responsibility is to help out with requests like that.

And when I was contacted by said social worker, they actually had the nerve to tell me, I don't know of anyone who takes your insurance.

Now, I'm not talking about some, you know, backwater operation with three people and not even a rubber stamp to their name.

I have fairly major insurance.

And it's just perplexing how in this day and age, any company can consider something a benefit if it can't be used for anything.

I for one, am tired of paying into a system that just doesn't work.

And my experience has told me that, for example, vision insurance, insurance, mind you, it's just an oxymoron by nature.

You pay into a system to ensure that you have a need taken care of.

And vision insurance, it's just a joke.

I decided to pay into it with my new employer thinking that I could use this towards a new pair of glasses and you know, maybe get some savings for my time because I may not be making as much as I used to, but I can feel better about it by using my benefits.

Well, to quote Elaine Stretch wrong.

I went and got a new pair of glasses from my favorite eyeglass shop.

And of course, what did they have to tell me when I went to ring up my purchase?

Well, the reason why you didn't get your discount is because we're not in network with your provider.

Okay, I'm sorry, excuse me, but did I not just drive by your establishment and pull through the driveway through and place an order?

Okay, I wasn't told that I'm not going to get anything with this.

So yes, I. I have been paying into the system for nothing.

And I'm sorry, I don't consider it a benefit if your discount only applies towards purchasing things online through said insurance.

Because shocker, you know, reality flash, my spouse works in the world of retail.

And what does that mean?

Well, I'm a little bit slow, I'm a little bit old fashioned because you see, my other half works in a brick and mortar establishment.

I believe in patronage of in person stores where there are people who have kids in school who make maybe working more than one job to make ends meet.

And where does that put them if my money can only be spent online?

So when it comes to this fall and open enrollment, I am going to be shifting my gears and taking my money out of said worthless vision insurance and probably channeling that towards retirement savings because it is just pointless to fritter that money away for something that does not benefit me.

And that's my 2 cents on the subject.

So I, I don't know how much longer I'll keep doing this because again, if I don't get any interaction, it, it really does not feel like it there's a reward to this anymore.

I'll still be around, you know, if you know anything else that I do.

And who knows, maybe I'll have one of those old fashioned, you know, blogs where I'll occasionally post something.

I, I haven't decided to, you know, disappear off the grid just yet, but any words of encouragement would be appreciated, especially since I seem to be a freaking unicorn.

And you know, that actually reminds me, while I'm on the subject, if you, if you don't follow me on social media, maybe you're not aware, but recently my husband and I achieved a milestone.

It was the 17th anniversary of our first date.

Now I know you're going to ask what did you do that was special?

Well, he worked that day and we did eventually have a nice meal out to mark the occasion.

But moreover, perhaps, maybe this is apropos of, you know, being both at our almost mid centuries, but we spent a night, at least my husband did a night in the hospital because after having a colonoscopy recently, it was discovered that my husband had a nasty infection, something called intestinal spirocatosis.

Basically a parasite was detected in his cold colon and this was only as a result of the colonoscopy.

So you know folks, get yourself checked out, it's important.

And thereafter he was on two solid and that's the only thing that was solid, I think solid weeks of strong antibiotics to, for lack of a better term for flush the sucker out.

And after that he finished out a work day and was feeling quite dizzy and decided he would take it easy.

And the next day he awoke with a headache and the dizziness continued.

So we took hubby to urgent care to have him checked out.

And because of an existing condition that he has, this is something called thoracic, meaning the middle of your body, your thorax.

I know it sounds like we're talking about biology class and bugs, but humans have thoraxes too, or their middle section, thoracic island outlet, which basically means he has a pinched nerve that certain activities, certain routines of physical behavior can aggravate.

Now it probably doesn't help that he works in retail management and he often usually has to do things like unloading a truck and stocking shelves and.

Well, it's what he's done most of his adult life.

So it's not like he can, you know, switch gears and turn over a new leaf and decide, I'm gonna do something different because it's what he gets paid for.

He's.

He knows how to do that anyways.

So one of the.

One of the.

One of the.

Something that happens as a result of activity for him is if he sleeps in an awkward position, if he, he awakens with his arm under the pillow, maybe he's turned on his side and rolled over.

This thoracic outlet will actually call him, will actually cause him nerve pain in his neck, in his arm, in his shoulder.

And he has had surgery before involving his immune system.

Years ago, he had a lymph node removed as a result of another infection, Bartonella, which is nicknamed cat scratch.

But I'm not going to go into that.

Bartonella is a nasty infection and it can't claim parts of your immune system as it did with hubby.

But anyways, this alerted the urgent care doctor.

This put them on watch, I guess you might say, because the dizziness and the pain that he was experiencing led them to believe that my husband was experiencing warning signs of a stroke.

And if it were not for the fact that I had gone with him to urgent care, he was told that he was going to be put in an ambulance and sent to the hospital.

Now, mind you, I drove us to the hospital to the embarrassment emergency room.

And the symptoms that he was experiencing allowed us to bypass the line as if we had, you know, some sort of VIP membership.

Unlike when I had my retinal detachment.

I know had my, like I ordered it from a catalog, but my retinal detachment, that involved me sitting in an emergency room room for six hours last year.

But since hubby had signs of possible stroke, they.

They let him jump to the front of the line and he had a team of medical people checking on him regularly.

Now, mind you, he kept reminding them that he has this, this condition.

Thoracic out mimics some of the symptoms and, well, long story not so short.

My husband ended up spending the night in the hospital.

They did an ekg, they did an mri, they did a ct, all the abbreviations.

Because if you leave the hospital hospital and you come back later, that's a whole new ball of wax.

Suddenly you no longer have carte blanche from your insurance.

You are, you left the emergency room.

They have to consider it a separate incident if you leave and come back and it may not be covered by your insurance because you made the decision that you were going to leave under the duress, the protest of medical professionals.

So far be it for us to do that.

Hubby spent the night and well, all they can say was that every, everything seemed normal except he had elevated white blood cell count.

Now mind you, that is something that is considered typical normal of somebody who is fighting an infection.

However, it is also something that continues after a recent infection.

Two weeks to be exact, of strong antibiotics.

So where does that leave us now?

Well, Hobby is supposed to, and mind you, if you listen to my phrasing carefully here, you'll know that I'm not taking the responsibility for this because I've tried.

But Hobby is supposed to follow up with our doctor because in this day and age you cannot just assume that your doctor will come in and will have a notice that their patient spent a night in the hospital.

No, it's on you to check in with them and let them know that maybe you need some attention, maybe you need some aftercare, some follow up.

Has my husband done this?

Well let's see, I've asked her more than once and let's just say people who work in retail who don't have a regular set schedule, so that means they don't have the same days off every week, have a hell of a time making an appointment for some something.

Because you don't know what your day off is going to be, you probably have to cancel or reschedule and unless you are booking a vacation day, taking time out of your bank, you cannot plan on having a specific day off.

So I think you see where I'm going with that.

Just to add to my frustrations now I have somebody that needs care, some attention and is just going to be waiting in line to get it.

Oh, it's the other part of my day now by the way, way between recordings here.

I, I did my hours in the office and I'm heading home and that's mostly because I work until 8pm and my office building at the Abacus Lounge closes sharply right at 8 7.

They want me out of the park building.

I get to go home on my lunch.

But I have to make up the time that my drive takes.

So inevitably I work a good 40 minutes later on the last day of my week.

And boy, if that does not make your Friday drag, I don't know what else does.

So I am a few moments from the chateau.

I will need to feed the babies and head on upstairs to my office to finish out my work day.

And by the time I'm done, no other businesses are open except Ye Olde gas station.

So you know, that's probably where my dinner will be coming from.

Anyways, if you've been paying attention or maybe you have than that other show that I do about film and television trivia with my co host, my partner in crime, Mr. Matt Burlingame of Chubbs Gone Wild.

We recently discussed the late 70s George Burns dark comedy Going in Style and we'll short be releasing a discussion that we had on a late 80s comedy involving sitcom staples John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot.

We're discussing in our next episode Second Sight, a detective agency that is based upon having special insight into the beyond.

Telekinetic powers, telepathy, things from the beyond.

So go ahead and tune in matinemanutia.com and you know, if you want me to continue doing more of these, surely you jests, albeit may not be all that often, do send me an email djstarsagemail.com or maybe just, you know, for heaven's sakes, post a comment when you see this episode out there.

Alrighty.

Do me that favor, will you?

It's nice to hear from you every now and then.

Every once in a while while like the good old days.

All right folks, that is all for now.

Jackie sends her love.

Bye bye.