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The "D" Word
Episode 275th July 2022 • Deconstructing Gaslighting™ • Sarah Morales
00:00:00 00:58:47

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Divorce… an experience that most often involves mediation, attorneys, judges… potentially court… and the whole process can be filled with gaslighting! In today’s episode, Sarah talks with Kim Hansen Petroni, who specializes in helping women through this very specific journey that some of us have to go through. Listen in as she shares her story, and we discuss how to navigate this difficult process.

Sarah wants you.. yes, YOU, to be a guest on her podcast. Please reach out and get on her calendar here

Bio: The guest today is Kim Hansen Petroni, a betrayal trauma specialist who is a board-certified coach that is APSATS and Ercem certified. Her passion is supporting women as they walk through the isolating divorce process. To this end, she offers groups and has created a popular blog, called “not a casserole widow” which offers support for women going through high conflict divorces.

Word of the day: Brave – Oxford languages defines brave as: ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. Sarah reads an excerpt from Glennon’s book, Untamed, because to Sarah, going through the divorce process requires that kind of bravery.

Story Time: Sarah and Kim talk about the ways Kim experienced gaslighting through her divorce process, and how others going through this can relate and learn from her experience.  

Deconstruction Zone: Sarah mentions some general gaslighting behaviors to look out for when it comes to the people and circumstances often involved in the divorce process. She also sets the alarm here, too, by naming what we can do.

  • Anyone – your attorney, mediator, judge – family – even yourself… ANY ONE who tries to convince you that your thoughts/feelings/needs aren’t valid – Doesn’t matter if you may not be able to “win” them! The starting point needs to be validation.
  • From the opposing side (your soon to be ex, the other party’s attorney, etc): things that create conflict, confusion, and ESPECIALLY chaos – this is often a ploy to get people to “give up and give in”.
  • Let that be your huge red flag to stop, ground yourself, and check in with your truth, and your support TEAM.
  •  A few things to be mindful of that you have more control over:
  • Know that it’s normal to be in a vulnerable position due to the nature of the “professionals” involved in this process: know that you don’t have to betray yourself and just listen to what they’re saying – you get to ask all the questions and try to fight for what you (and your kids, if you have any) need to feel safe and secure.
  • Be aware of the urge to fight for your “reputation”, or to be “understood”. 

Snooze button: Kim shares her top three tips:

  1. Divorce does not feel good (for most people)- Having someone (therapist, divorce coach) who specializes in trauma or high conflict divorce is immeasurable.
  2. Get clear on what you are fighting for! Find that TOP item, and make that your goal. 
  3. You need support! 

If you want to join Sarah  in a discussion around today’s topic, I invite you to get on TikTok and follow me – I need 1,000 followers before I can do a live stream.

And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!  And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today…