📝 Episode Description:

Alcohol-free living can transform your life. In this episode, sobriety coach Jen Hirst opens up about her 12-year journey from secret addiction to recovery, coaching, and empowerment. She shares six essential daily habits for sobriety, how to build resilience without alcohol, and why labels like “alcoholic” don’t define your worth.

If you're sober-curious, in recovery, or simply re-evaluating your relationship with alcohol, this episode is your roadmap to healing, freedom, and joy.

🌟 Packed with sobriety tools, metabolic health tips, and emotional healing strategies, this is a must-listen for women navigating midlife, anxiety, perfectionism, or recovery.

⏱️ Timestamps:

• 
  
• 
  
• (00:00) Welcome & Jen’s Sobriety Story
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (08:52) Hiding Addiction Behind Perfectionism
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (12:45) When Alcohol Becomes Self-Medication
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (19:10) Lisa’s Journey with Alcohol & Breast Cancer
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (26:15) Letting Go of Labels: Sober vs. Alcohol-Free
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (33:44) Six Daily Habits That Support Sobriety
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (50:08) Healing Through Community
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (56:25) What Actually Made Sobriety Stick for Jen
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (1:04:15) Advice for Families of Loved Ones Struggling
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (1:09:03) Final Thoughts & Where to Find Jen
• 
  
• 
  

✅ Key Takeaways:

• 
  
• 
  
• Sobriety is freedom, not limitation—it offers mental clarity, physical health, and emotional healing.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• You don’t need to hit rock bottom to rethink your relationship with alcohol.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• Six daily habits—hydration, movement, gratitude, protein intake, reading, and community—can shift your mindset and support lasting recovery.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• You can define sobriety on your own terms: alcohol-free, sober, or none at all.
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• Recovery is possible, even after relapse, and honest community is a game changer.
• 
  
• 
  

👩‍💼 Guest Bio:

Jen Hirst is a certified sobriety coach and the founder of Lighthouse Sobriety, a community for women who want to stop drinking and start living fully. With over 12 years of sobriety, Jen helps women boost their confidence, rebuild self-trust, and embrace alcohol-free living with clarity and joy. Her programs combine neuroscience-backed habits, community connection, and compassionate accountability.

🔗 Resource Links:

• 
  
• 
  
• 💡 Lighthouse Sobriety Membership: https://joinlighthousesobriety.com/
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 📸 Follow Jen on Instagram: @lighthouse.sobriety

Other links!

• 
  
• 
  
• 📚 Book Mentioned: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 📖 Jen’s 6 Daily Habits Worksheet: Available inside her membership
• 
  
• 
  

🔍 Tags/Keywords:

sobriety, alcohol-free living, women and alcohol, quit drinking, sobriety for women, recovery journey, midlife sobriety, perimenopause and alcohol, emotional healing, sobriety coach, sobriety podcast, lighthousesobriety, Jen Hurst, Lisa Koski, doing life different, sober curious, breast cancer recovery, AA alternative, quitting wine, sober habits, habits for recovery, mindfulness, alcohol and anxiety

Welcome listeners.

2

I am so thankful that you're here.

3

I have a new friend, Jen Hurst,

and I'm, she's my friend.

4

We've been sitting here chatting about

chickens a little bit, which is so fun,

5

but that's not what the podcast is about.

6

Maybe we can do another one, Jen.

7

Speaker 2: There's so much to learn about

chickens, you guys, so much I've learned

8

Speaker: they're awesome.

9

Chickens are awesome.

10

But what Jen is, is a sobriety

coach and you can find her.

11

Um, I looked at your website, it's

beautiful lighthouse sobriety,

12

and we're gonna talk about this.

13

And my listeners know I've talked

about alcohol, um, probably in the

14

past year more than I ever have.

15

So.

16

What we wanna do is we wanna

hear, you've got a pretty gut

17

wrenching story that I read.

18

Um, so if you wouldn't mind sharing

that with the listeners and then we'll

19

just jump in and kind of talk through

some, some of the issues and then some

20

of the amazing things about being sober.

21

Speaker 3: Yeah.

22

Absolutely.

23

Well, thank you so much

for having me here.

24

Uh, of course.

25

I'm Jen Hurst.

26

I've been alcohol free for over 12

and a half years, uh, which is kind

27

of crazy now that I think about

it, but I now coach women on how to

28

boost their confidence in sobriety.

29

It's really, it's so crazy

how your life can change.

30

Based on this one thing and

what you're kind of led to.

31

And so I've been doing that by

implementing, and I'll talk about

32

that later if we want, but these

six daily habits to help bring some

33

structure and help women approach

this with a get to mentality to

34

feel your best in this journey.

35

Because I think that's what we want.

36

If you choose to take a break.

37

By going alcohol free.

38

If this is a forever thing, we wanna

feel our best, we wanna feel better.

39

And definitely going alcohol free, taking

a break definitely can help you do that.

40

Mm-hmm.

41

Now my story is very different,

probably from many other story.

42

Um, but of course look for the, for

the similarities, not the differences.

43

And I think just what can

hap what could happen.

44

Um, now I always like to say,

and if you go to my page.

45

That no one is off limits

when it comes to to drinking.

46

Is that over?

47

The course of the years, I was kind of,

and if we look at drinking on a spectrum,

48

I was one of the more severe cases.

49

Uh, my drinking brought me very, very low.

50

But you wouldn't know that

because if you go to my page,

51

you'll see me in a wedding dress.

52

If you go to like before and

after pictures, because I share

53

that because I didn't have a lot

of pictures of myself drinking.

54

I did a lot of my drinking.

55

In the closet.

56

I hid it from many, many people.

57

Even my husband didn't know what was going

on, so it was really good at hiding it.

58

Um, but over the course of the years,

it was about a 10 year progression and

59

I just did a reel about it on Instagram

where Yes, I started drinking at 15.

60

I realized I had a problem at 25.

61

I started actively seeking

sobriety in when I was 29, and I

62

didn't get sober until I was 31.

63

43 and a lot has changed even in

my sobriety, but it was really

64

like a 10 year progression.

65

And this is why I think it

can make it so difficult.

66

And it's tricky is that it can kind of

sneak up on you until you can't stop.

67

And that was my case and I

would do anything that I could.

68

To not feel.

69

Um, but for me, even growing

up, I came from a great home.

70

My parents rarely drank.

71

They were like high school sweethearts.

72

They met in the band,

like all of these things.

73

And I never saw them drink.

74

And so that's why I like to think

and say it can happen to anybody.

75

I didn't choose this for my life.

76

It kind of chose me on what I didn't

wanna feel, but it was raised in.

77

Kind of perfectionist home where I

earned love by what I could achieve.

78

If I could get good grades, get

awards, I would get a lot of love.

79

And if I didn't, then they would ask

me, okay, well why did you get this B?

80

Like, what's going on here?

81

And so I started putting these

really high expectations on myself.

82

I wasn't your typical, if I would

say it, alcoholic, even though

83

I don't use that term today.

84

I used it back then.

85

I wasn't.

86

The stereotypical person who

was homeless, living under the

87

street with a brown paper bag.

88

I was someone who had it all together.

89

I got good grades.

90

I was very high functional until it

really kept getting deeper and deeper.

91

But like I was saying, I had my

first drink at 15, did quote unquote

92

normal drinking for many years.

93

Um, and.

94

Even into college.

95

But it was really a turning point.

96

And I like to say this when my

second boyfriend wanted to go on a

97

break, and I think for many people

we can turn from drinking as fun to

98

viewing it to self-medicate, to take

us away from what we wanna feel.

99

'cause a lot of us drink

to change how we feel.

100

Whether that's, you wanna heighten

an experience, you wanna take

101

something away, you wanna relax.

102

You don't wanna feel you.

103

Maybe you're sad, maybe you're happy.

104

You're using it as a reward.

105

You're doing something

to change how you feel.

106

But it was a turning point because

at this moment, I didn't wanna have

107

to go through the heartbreak of my

first boyfriend, and that was awful.

108

I, I don't think anybody loves

heartbreak, but I didn't know what to do.

109

I didn't know what to do with my time.

110

It was all I could think about.

111

And the guys that I was living with

at the time, now this was in college.

112

They were doing Adderall, and if you

don't know what Adderall is, it's kind

113

of like an upper for used for A DHD, and

so it makes you feel amazing, and I loved

114

that because I could get a lot done.

115

However, I had never taken it

before because I didn't do drugs.

116

Little did I know alcohol is a drug.

117

I didn't even know that until 20 18, 20

19, 4 years, five years into my sobriety.

118

I had no idea.

119

That alcohol was a drug and they

took, came to me when I was on this

120

break and I didn't know what to do

and they say, Hey, just take this.

121

You're gonna feel amazing.

122

You're not even gonna think about him.

123

At that point, I was at a crossroads.

124

I'm like, you know what?

125

Screw it.

126

I'm just gonna do it.

127

And I took it.

128

I felt amazing.

129

I stayed up all night because

that's what uppers do.

130

And then I dyed my hair.

131

I said, this is the best

thing that ever happened.

132

And then the crash came

where my anxiety peaked.

133

I didn't know what to do.

134

All my problems were still there.

135

The heartbreak was still there.

136

And so then it got.

137

This seed planted in my brain of, okay,

well I'm not gonna do Adderall, but I

138

could do the same thing with alcohol.

139

'cause alcohol changes how I feel.

140

I don't have to feel.

141

So over time I started to

self-medicate that anytime that

142

life got hard, I would drink.

143

Speaker: I would.

144

So did you actually, I'm

sorry, I have to jump in.

145

Did you actually have that thought?

146

Because did you actually have that

thought that I'm going to do this so I

147

can feel better instead of taking this.

148

Yeah.

149

It is so crazy because for me, and like

I said, my story is very different.

150

It like snuck up on me.

151

Speaker 4: Hmm.

152

Speaker: You know, I, I didn't like,

I didn't realize after a stressful day

153

that I wanted a glass of wine and I

was different than you where I only.

154

Drank with my husband, but it was

like every night a glass of wine.

155

Yeah.

156

And it was because I was stressed out and

back in the day, Jen, they talked about

157

it is good for you, you know, to relax.

158

So I was like, it's gonna help your heart.

159

Yeah.

160

It's healthy.

161

Yeah.

162

And do you know.

163

It causes breast cancer, which I

went through and that was when.

164

But the thing about that for me in

my journey, and I wanna get back to

165

your story, but I just had to jump in

because I think that's so interesting

166

that you actually thought that through.

167

Because for me it was a sneaky

thing where all of a sudden I went.

168

I don't think I can stop.

169

And even before, like before the

breast cancer, I knew like, I'm

170

like, this kind of has a hold on me.

171

And like we'd be on vacation, be like,

and I'd wake up in the morning and I'd

172

think, I don't wanna have a drink today.

173

'cause I never felt great even

after just one glass of wine.

174

And then the night would come and my

husband would be having a beer and I'd

175

be like, well, I'll just have one glass

of wine and it snuck up on me like that.

176

And so, um.

177

That's why I had to jump in because

your story is so different that

178

you actually thought through

it, but it's kind of the same.

179

You know, we're using it in the same way.

180

Speaker 3: Yeah.

181

Whether it's stress, whether it's habit.

182

Mm-hmm.

183

Like after this, and I do this,

whether it's we're seeking connection.

184

Mm-hmm.

185

Because what do we see?

186

A lot of what we experience and what we're

using alcohol for is what we experience

187

and saw in childhood as we grow up.

188

We see that in movies of, oh my gosh,

they're connecting on date night.

189

Speaker: Yes.

190

Disney

191

Speaker 3: movies.

192

I'm like blowing my mind

watching these with my kids.

193

I'm like, oh my gosh.

194

Having champagne.

195

Mm-hmm.

196

So it's fancy.

197

This is what you do on date night,

you know, and a lot of times

198

when we start drinking, it's a,

I mean, not for everyone, for

199

a lot of us it's like 15 to 18.

200

What's happening in that time is you're

starting to learn how to socialize.

201

You starting to develop your social

circles, figure out who you are.

202

Like so much is changing.

203

You're maybe starting to date

and alcohol enters the picture.

204

And so when we take that away.

205

It's like I don't even

know how to go on a date.

206

Like I don't know how to socialize.

207

And we get nervous about all of

these things 'cause it's so ingrained

208

social hour, you go to a work party,

happy hour, like all of these things.

209

It's so ingrained in our society

that when we take that away, we

210

don't know how to act because it was

like our coping mechanism mm-hmm.

211

For so many years.

212

And that's how it can kind of

just sneak up on you where.

213

You don't know how to stop or else

you feel so uncomfortable that

214

you're going to seek that out to

quiet or to calm any discomfort

215

that you're feeling from doing so.

216

Right.

217

Speaker: And, and like you perfectionist,

same kind of upbringing and just was

218

always working so hard to be perfect.

219

Mm-hmm.

220

And so then you just needed

something to kinda take the edge off.

221

Calm you down.

222

But Jen, this is what's so interesting.

223

I don't know.

224

Quite honestly, I'm very thankful for

the breast cancer because I don't know

225

if I would have stopped without that.

226

Total change of life total.

227

Like I just surrendered.

228

I went, holy cats.

229

I don't have control over anything.

230

You know, it was just really

a bizarre, amazing experience.

231

But, but as I'm saying that, because

I'm thinking of the woman out

232

there who's like me, and I really,

I didn't really even get drunk.

233

I didn't blackout, I didn't,

I know you, you know, we, we

234

have different stories, but.

235

How would I have gotten there

without the breast cancer?

236

I don't want you to

have to go through that.

237

Um, or something horrible to

get to this point where now,

238

I mean, let's talk about it.

239

I can get up at seven 30 on a

Saturday morning and go work

240

out super hard in the class.

241

So freeing.

242

I don't ever feel crappy

in the morning from that.

243

Yes.

244

Yeah.

245

So amazing, right?

246

Speaker 3: Like the things we get to do

and sometimes it gives us a wake up call.

247

Sometimes we have to have

something like our health come up.

248

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

249

Speaker 3: For it to be

like, what am I doing?

250

What and why am I using it?

251

And all of these things.

252

And then switching it to all

of the things I get to do.

253

And um, and I'm so happy you

were able to get through it.

254

Right.

255

And where we can see the good in

something that's been super hard

256

and that we've had to go through

is that it got me to this place.

257

And thank goodness it did, because

otherwise I wouldn't have known or you

258

wouldn't have known a different way.

259

Where would my life be?

260

Where would your life be if

you didn't have that diagnosis?

261

Speaker: I know.

262

Yeah.

263

Um, I know it's funny because when

I think about it, and it was very

264

early detection stage one, but I

think I'm gonna live longer because

265

of that, because I've changed my life

and it's affected my husband and.

266

It's amazing, but I am so excited to

get into, you had, you said you have

267

seven daily habits because I'm thinking

of that woman who's where I was.

268

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

269

Speaker: Right.

270

Who's not, not really like,

they don't feel like they're

271

an alcoholic, or maybe they do.

272

I don't know.

273

Yeah.

274

I do have one question for you, though.

275

I heard you say that you

don't use that word anymore.

276

Mm-hmm.

277

Tell me about that.

278

Speaker 3: Yeah, and I love to have

women, so I only coach women, but

279

women define what to call themselves

and what to label themselves.

280

Now, 13 to 15 years ago when I was

seeking this out and I didn't know

281

what to do, I don't know where to turn.

282

There was not the options out

there that there are today.

283

It's so cool that you get to choose

your recovery in a way that works

284

for you, but when I was there, it

was just this way and that's it.

285

And then.

286

Even before I even knew what was

going on with me, nothing against aa.

287

Alright.

288

I did it for many years, but I went

there and then you say, hi Jen, I'm

289

an alcoholic, but I'm like, am I?

290

You know, like, I don't know.

291

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

292

Speaker 3: And so I used it for

many years, but then I'm like,

293

I dunno if I like that anymore.

294

Because to me it just seemed

kind of negative and everyone is

295

entitled to their own opinion.

296

There is no right opinion.

297

It's only a personal choice.

298

And then I'm like, you know what?

299

I'm sober.

300

I like, and then I started calling

301

And then I'm like, I don't

even like that anymore.

302

And then the past couple years, what

sounds really good for me is alcohol free

303

because it's, it's so, it's the free part.

304

And I think that's what

sobriety offers us is freedom.

305

Oh god, freedom from staying

stuck in the same cycle.

306

From being tired and anxious and all

of this, it offers freedom of time, you

307

know, all of this freedom from anxiety.

308

Like even though I still have

anxiety, it's not to that extent.

309

Like so much is available to us.

310

So much opportunity and it's such a,

in a positive light, and I think it's

311

more accepting and easy for people

to say that they're alcohol free.

312

Mm-hmm.

313

Rather than put me in a label

if I don't have a problem.

314

Of alcoholic, it's it, I think

it really helps to tear people,

315

or not even to tear, but it.

316

Encourage people to try it even if

they don't have a problem, right?

317

Even if they drink on occasion of

asking better questions of the fear

318

of, oh my gosh, I'm an alcoholic.

319

Oh, the fear that I had of that label

kept me from getting sober for many years.

320

Because it scared me.

321

Mm-hmm.

322

Because my vision was this,

that meant I was weak.

323

I mean, just saying what I thought.

324

Mm-hmm.

325

I was weak.

326

I couldn't handle it.

327

Like, what would that do to my image?

328

People were gonna think

I couldn't do this.

329

But then, and I, I accepted it, I

said it, and I was great with it.

330

And then I, I wasn't, and

then I started something else.

331

I tried that on and then

now I'm trying this on.

332

But then I also ask, why do we

even need to label ourselves?

333

Do we even need a label

to say, I'm alcohol free.

334

I've been sober for 12 and a half years.

335

I don't.

336

I never say I am a non-smoker.

337

Speaker: Right.

338

Speaker 3: Or I, I'm a non-sugar

person, or, you know, it's just like,

339

why do I have to say I'm alcohol

free unless that feels good for you?

340

I don't know.

341

I, I start to just question things,

and this is, why do we even have

342

Speaker: to label it?

343

Speaker 3: Why do I have to label it?

344

I, if I don't eat gluten, I don't

say, Hey guys, I'm gluten free.

345

Or, or unless I'm like, I, I had

surgery like over a month ago

346

and I'm like, I'm gluten free.

347

I can't eat that, but.

348

That's only instance.

349

Um, so why do we have to say

that, right, with alcohol?

350

Because again, it's so ingrained

and we can have fear that

351

people might take offense to it.

352

But I always say, what do

you wanna call yourself?

353

Do you wanna call yourself anything?

354

And so many things other than the label.

355

I'm a mom, I am a sober coach,

like chicken farmer, just like you.

356

I have all these other things.

357

And yeah, alcohol free

is one of 'em, but, um.

358

You get to decide what that is, and

that can change over time as well.

359

Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise

that you have to be labeled this or

360

do that or put into a category that,

listen to yourself, listen to your gut.

361

Do what feels right, and if it doesn't

work anymore, try on something else.

362

Speaker: Right.

363

Speaker 3: So that was kind

of my experience with it.

364

Speaker: Yeah, I like that.

365

I like that.

366

And what you're saying about labels

hits home with me even through cancer.

367

I didn't want to be in that club.

368

I didn't want to wear pink, I didn't

want to, you know, it was just, it was

369

really a very different, so I totally

understand and hear what you're saying.

370

And it's funny because as I'm talking

the little like honest, Lisa, I feel

371

like I wanna tell you, I probably

once a month, like if I go to a

372

vineyard or if there's something, a

wedding, I might have a glass of wine.

373

And I am going to tell you,

it is so different now.

374

Because I don't, and a lot of times

I won't even finish the glass.

375

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

376

Speaker: It's not like it used to be.

377

It's like it doesn't have its hold on me.

378

And I think that's so interesting and

maybe you can speak more to that and

379

maybe you don't even need to, but I

just thought, isn't that interesting?

380

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

381

Because you've grown

in this process, right?

382

Mm-hmm.

383

I think even when you take a period away.

384

And if you do choose to go back

out, um, your, your reasons

385

for using it are different.

386

Speaker: Yes.

387

Speaker 3: So, um, I think it's, and

again, it's different for everybody

388

whether you want to, it's for the taste,

whether it's just, uh, an occasion that

389

you wanna have it, whether you wanna go

NA and do an NA wine or things like that.

390

Um, your reason, again, your

reasons and your why is different.

391

Speaker: Yeah.

392

Speaker 3: That's awesome.

393

Speaker: I love that.

394

I love that so much.

395

Can you share those six daily

habits that you mentioned?

396

Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely.

397

So in my programs, I love to

do things together and so.

398

Because of my extensive history

with inpatient, I've been

399

to inpatient three times.

400

I've been to outpatient eight times.

401

I've done two gwis.

402

I've gotten to detox.

403

I've done a lot of things, and so I wanted

to do this together because community

404

doing things in numbers is so important.

405

And so what we do is we

do these habits together.

406

I get them prepped and ready to go.

407

We have a day one of what this is the

things that you can experience, and then.

408

This is what you might feel like those

first few days, those first few weeks.

409

Here's how we are gonna get through it.

410

Now, the habits really help you to get

through what's called, I like to call,

411

like the dip in sobriety is where once

you have a high dopamine hit, like

412

alcohol, like drugs is, anytime you have

a high, you're gonna experience a crash.

413

And if you've been doing it

for a while, you're gonna feel

414

kind of crappy for a while.

415

Which again, for anybody who's doing 30

days, it's great, but it's not enough time

416

because you're still in the early stages.

417

But.

418

The withdrawal, which can

last, you know, up to 10 days.

419

Really around that three to five days

is that's where the habits come in.

420

They can help bring structure,

they can help fill the time.

421

'cause one thing that you can get when

you stop drinking is a lot of time

422

Speaker 4: back.

423

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

424

'cause it's really wasteful of that.

425

And it also helps boost your confidence.

426

What I like to do is I like to give

women trackers, Hey, here's your habit.

427

Cross it off when you're

done and in turn that's gonna

428

produce a little dopamine hit.

429

And what helps boost confidence

is showing up for the things

430

that you say you're going to do.

431

And all of these habits help to produce

dopamine and help to help you feel

432

your best during kind of that dip.

433

And so one of the first things

that I love to do that I always,

434

um, recommend is to drink water.

435

And if you brought your water,

you can go ahead and take a sip.

436

But I think one of the

hard, it's hard thing to do.

437

It's a hard thing to not do.

438

And one of the best things that it

helps us do, number one, it's gonna

439

help with your energy, it's gonna

help with any brain fog that you

440

might experience if you're feeling

sleepy, it's going to again, just.

441

Help you feel more awake.

442

Um, it's also gonna help carry

nutrients to your cells and

443

also help flush the liver.

444

We're gonna flush those

toxins from our body.

445

And if you know, not just even with

alcohol, but with other things,

446

it helps just flush everything

out and keeps you hydrated.

447

And if you think that your

body is over 60% and your

448

brain is almost over 70% water.

449

One thing to help it function best is to

drink more water and keep it hydrated.

450

And I'm not talking about sparkling

water or anything that's added

451

in like powders or liquids.

452

You can add in lemon and things like that.

453

But I'm talking plain, pure water and

what I recommend is half your body weight.

454

Now if that's too much, say for instance,

you weigh 300 pounds and half of that is

455

150 pounds, that's a lot of water, right?

456

So, and oh, I like to

see you taking a sip.

457

You know what?

458

You

459

Speaker: made me so thirsty.

460

I'm like, I don't

461

Speaker 3: guys take a drink.

462

This is what I do in my calls.

463

I'm like, guys, take a drink.

464

So if that's too much, you wanna

increase as you go along, start with 64.

465

And then ideally, women should be getting

about 92 ounces, at least in water every

466

single day to feel nourished, to feel,

um, energized and things like that.

467

So have body weight.

468

Now.

469

The second one is one that's

helped me a lot in my sobriety

470

is reading personal development.

471

So read 10 pages of Personal

Development or Quit Lit in my program.

472

So Quit Lit is really just

sober books, and this offered

473

me a lot of clarity on my past.

474

Um, clarity over why I did the things

I did, why my parents did the things

475

they did, other people's stories, other

people's tips on how to do life better.

476

It helped with motivation

when I didn't know what to do.

477

It helped bring clarity over why some

women that I was working with didn't like

478

me, that I had nothing to do with me, and

it was such an eyeopener when I started

479

doing this, and it's changed my life.

480

'cause as Maya Angelou says, when

you know better, you can do better.

481

I'm like, it is so true.

482

When I know better, I can show up better.

483

And I've learned so much

from incorporating books.

484

I like to say my new addiction is

books, but that's a different story.

485

Um, the next one is gratitude.

486

So writing five things that

you're grateful for from the

487

past 24 hours every single day,

because it's easy for us to say.

488

General things like I'm grateful

for my health, I'm grateful

489

for my house, and that's great.

490

However, I noticed the big difference,

which is something that was so new

491

to me when I started this in 2018.

492

I didn't know what I

could be grateful for.

493

I'm just like.

494

I don't know the light.

495

So I had to Google, what are some

things you can be grateful for?

496

I had no idea.

497

I'm like, oh.

498

So it was hard at first, but

it got me to get specific.

499

And I really think when you get

specific, and I learned this.

500

Rachel Holli.

501

So she wrote, girl, wash Your Face as

she had this five things that you're

502

grateful for from the past 24 hours.

503

That's how I started doing it.

504

Mm-hmm.

505

And then I would look through

and scan my day prior.

506

I'm like, what were some

things that made me smile?

507

Like it could be, oh my gosh, Walmart had

one bag left of Skinny Pop when I thought

508

they were out, and that was something

I was really looking forward to because

509

if they didn't, it would've been bad.

510

Right?

511

I've been like, dang it,

they're outta this stuff again.

512

But I'm like, oh

513

Speaker 4: my God, there was one left.

514

Speaker 3: Or it could be I went

to Starbucks and got a Starbucks

515

coffee or you know, playing

basketball with my son yesterday.

516

I'm super grateful for that, and so it got

to me to see these little moments that.

517

Of things going right instead of

focusing on things going wrong.

518

Because as a species, we're programmed

to think negatively 80% of the time.

519

Now, 95% of our thoughts

are nega or repetitive.

520

If you know that you actively have

to seek out gratitude and look for

521

it, and by developing a gratitude

practice is going to over time.

522

Help you to become happier

and more fulfilled in life

523

and be like, you know what?

524

Life is pretty good.

525

And I think this is especially

important in sobriety because

526

we can think like, this sucks.

527

Like I can't do this, I can't do this.

528

But it's like, you know what?

529

What went well?

530

Gosh, I was so happy.

531

Like you, I got up at seven

30, crushed a workout.

532

God, I love my mornings.

533

I love the peace and quiet.

534

I love going to bed

and having great sleep.

535

Like all of these things that we

can look for of why we love what we

536

do, what we get to do in sobriety.

537

So five things that you're grateful

for from the past 24 hours.

538

Now, a big one for me, the

next habit is movement.

539

So movement, exercise.

540

I'm very big on this.

541

I have been almost my whole life with

getting movement into your day every day.

542

Now for this program, I decreased

it from 30 minutes to 20 minutes

543

'cause I wanna make this doable.

544

Movement is so important for your brain.

545

Of course, we're gonna have the added

benefits of, you know, maybe you

546

wanna lose weight or build muscle,

but the best thing that movement can

547

help you with is stress reduction.

548

Why do most people drink?

549

Like you said in the

beginning, I was stressed.

550

Stressed at work, so

it's gonna reduce stress.

551

It's also gonna help you process

emotions, which is something new

552

we might not have done in a while.

553

It's gonna help boost your confidence

if you can complete a workout,

554

whether it's hard, whether it's

easy, you're like, I did that.

555

I showed up for myself.

556

It's also one of the biggest

things if you've been drinking

557

and even as you age, it's gonna

increase blood flow to your brain.

558

This is really important because

low blood flow is a precursor

559

to Alzheimer's and dementia.

560

So one way that we can repair our brain.

561

Is to move our body.

562

That's one of the fastest

ways we can do that.

563

It's going to increase that blood flow.

564

And what's great about it is that

you are not stuck with the brain.

565

You have.

566

You can change it in a, this

phenomenon called neuroplasticity,

567

uh, but also movement is also going

to boost dopamine in a natural way.

568

You're gonna feel the benefits.

569

Much longer than a glass of

wine if you move your body.

570

Uh, now one that I incorporated for

this challenge, 'cause I've been saying

571

it again and again and again, and

it's something that I'm really, really

572

passionate about, is eating protein.

573

Speaker 4: Hmm.

574

Speaker 3: And not only just throughout

the day, I think it's fantastic to

575

eat throughout the day, every three

hours at least eating good quality

576

protein, but especially tween.

577

Work if you have a job and home, so

around two to 3:00 PM making sure your

578

blood sugar is stable by having a high

protein snack as in cottage cheese, Greek

579

yogurt, you can do chomps sticks, you can

do Turkey sausage, anything like that is

580

going to help stabilize your blood sugar.

581

Now, why is this important

is 'cause low blood sugar can

582

manifest as sugar cravings.

583

Alcohol cravings, and we don't

wanna get too low because that's

584

when our willpower also goes off.

585

So we don't wanna go into this

transition of shutting off one

586

thing, turning on another, wearing

two different hats, hungry.

587

'cause there's this, this acronym, and

you may have heard of it, called halt.

588

It's kind of like a check

engine night for how you feel so

589

hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

590

If you feel dysregulated.

591

Go back and ask yourself,

when was the last time I ate?

592

Am I angry at something or someone?

593

Am I feeling lonely or bored?

594

And am I tired?

595

Do I need to take a nap?

596

I'm really freaking tired.

597

I know when I'm tired.

598

I'm all dysregulated.

599

I'm irritable, I'm angry.

600

And so.

601

When was the last time I ate?

602

Make sure you're eating every at least

kind of two to three hours and make sure

603

pro you're having that protein 'cause

that's going to stabilize blood sugar.

604

As someone who's in perimenopause

right now, I've learned so much

605

about blood sugar and as someone

who has struggled with her sleep

606

for three years, I'm like, I think

it's all coming down to blood sugar.

607

Like it's crazy and how we can

help our blood sugar over time.

608

But again, just having that two to

3:00 PM protein snack, Greek yogurt,

609

cottage cheese, uh, chomps, uh,

sausages, anything like that is gonna

610

be some good quality protein for.

611

And then the last one, have a

group that you can check into.

612

Do you have, you know, of

course, minus sobriety.

613

So I have the women in my group check

in every evening with us, or they also

614

have Marco Polo groups, which is like a

video chat app with small group of women.

615

Um, is there a group of friends

that you can check into?

616

I know this can be different,

but especially for sobriety.

617

To have a sober community that you can

connect with, whether it's you're checking

618

in, you're checking out the site, you're

going to a meeting, you're connecting

619

with a therapist, just something where

you can check in on how you're doing.

620

Um, so those are the six.

621

So I believe I've cut around water,

gratitude, reading, exercise,

622

protein, and, uh, community.

623

Whether that's a community, a

sober community, whether that's

624

a mom's community, a breast

cancer survivor community.

625

Um.

626

Whatever you are into having

that community is key.

627

Speaker: So agree.

628

And I mean, bravo.

629

Those are, and it's, it's interesting

because I'm writing a book right

630

now and a lot of what you're talking

about it, it's about living better.

631

Um, it's not all about cancer.

632

It's a little bit about that.

633

It's lots of stories.

634

Um.

635

But a big section of it is on how

to live better and feel better.

636

And you just nailed, you know everything

that I will be talking about in that book.

637

So when it's done, I'll get you a copy

so you can read it as one of your habits.

638

I would love it.

639

So this is so helpful.

640

And so I just, there was one question

I, before we go, I know we're getting

641

a little late on time and I wanna make

sure that we let women know how they

642

can get in touch with you, but can you

share, you were telling me, and I kind

643

of interrupted your story, you were

telling me that you did some inpatient.

644

You did aa, what actually stuck with

you and what was it that made it stick?

645

Speaker 3: Such a great question

and I get so many people that

646

ask me like, what was it?

647

And I don't think it was one thing I

thought, I think it was many things.

648

I think it was me.

649

Trying and failing and losing things.

650

'cause I always thought, okay, well I

still have my job and then I lost my job.

651

Okay, well I still have this, and

then I lost my car because of my DWI.

652

Okay.

653

And then I still, and then I was losing

things and my family and husband, now

654

husband, so I broke down a day and

a half after, or a couple days after

655

my wedding, and I started drinking

around the clock and didn't hide it.

656

And that began my year and a half

journey of figuring out what was going

657

on to seeking help that didn't work.

658

Going again, going again, going again.

659

I'm not saying treatment didn't work.

660

I am just saying I really

wanted to get sober.

661

I just wasn't ready.

662

And as someone who's a

perfectionist, I'm very tenacious.

663

And if you say I can't

do something, mm-hmm.

664

I'm gonna find every

single way that I could.

665

And I was trying to make it

work and I don't think I wanted

666

to drink in the later stages.

667

I just didn't know how to stop.

668

Um, and I wasn't honest to my

husband as well and what helped me.

669

Was again, I think it just takes a

point of time where I came to and

670

made the cl, the click happened

for me when I was in detox.

671

For the second time, I was homeless.

672

Uh, I was staying at my parents

and they caught me drinking,

673

so they took me to detox.

674

They didn't want me back.

675

My husband didn't want me there.

676

I had $200 to my name and

I didn't know where to go.

677

And I had court the next day.

678

I had lost my job.

679

I had lost my car, I had lost everything.

680

And I, it was like I had an out of

body experience and I blew like a 0.34

681

when I went in, and that scared me because

I had been drinking like that for so long.

682

That was just another day.

683

And by that point I had switched

to other forms of alcohol.

684

So my drink of choice in the last

year was mouthwash because I had so

685

much shame over what I was doing.

686

I hated rotating my liquor stores,

but I didn't feel that bad going into

687

Target and buying mouthwash, which

has the same amount of alcohol as

688

vodka, and I could get drunk off it.

689

And so at that point I'm like, how?

690

How many times did I get away with it?

691

And it was like an autobody

experience where I'm like,

692

oh my gosh, what am I doing?

693

And I look down and I'm

just like, I am so done.

694

And I'm like, I've lost this.

695

I'm lost this.

696

Where I wasn't even trying to stay sober.

697

I didn't want to drink anymore.

698

I was done a hundred percent.

699

I didn't know what was gonna happen.

700

I had so much stuff to clean up.

701

I didn't know if I was gonna stay married.

702

I didn't know how to

repair my relationships.

703

I didn't even know how I was gonna get

back my license, but I said, as long as I

704

don't drink, I can't make this any worse.

705

And so I gave up what was gonna happen.

706

I just kept doing the next right thing.

707

Like I knew I was gonna have to go

to inpatient again for court, even

708

though I had already made up my mind.

709

So that was my third time.

710

I went to a different place.

711

I let the people in my life have their

space and I kept showing up for myself,

712

and I can say it was so much easier.

713

Once you stop trying to fight it, even

though I had so many things to do, I

714

had toxilyzer in my car, I had to do

house arrest, I had to do a day in jail,

715

like all this stuff, it was so much

easier 'cause I didn't have to lie.

716

I didn't have to, you know, cover my

tracks or like sneak it or even want that.

717

It was all left from me.

718

And I, so I think it's just

a matter of time for people.

719

When you're sick and tired,

there's this quote, sick and

720

tired of being sick and tired.

721

I'm done.

722

And I stopped fighting and I

started living because by that

723

point in my drinking, I did

not have that much time left.

724

I was experiencing

symptoms of cardiac arrest.

725

I was mixing Adderall with alcohol,

and I felt my body shutting down.

726

But at that point, you know,

at that point, I didn't care.

727

It took what it needed to take for me to

wake up and I needed to lose things in the

728

way that I had for me to really get this.

729

And I'm so happy I did because

if I didn't go through that, I

730

wouldn't have had my two kids.

731

And it's amazing what can

happen when you get sober.

732

I wanted kids for so

long, they're my greatest.

733

Why is that?

734

A few months into my sobriety.

735

We learned I was pregnant.

736

I'm like, oh my gosh, I thought I

was gonna be infertile 'cause I was

737

feeding myself poison for so many years.

738

I'm like, oh my gosh.

739

And then four months I got

a job back in my field.

740

I, because before I was driving or I

was, uh, riding my bike to a printing

741

shop 'cause I didn't have a car.

742

Uh, within six months I was promoted.

743

Within less than a year, we had my son.

744

Which is the greatest gift.

745

Like I just look at them and if you

need a y of what has come from my

746

sobriety, it's my two children and

we bought a house and it's like, and

747

the other thing I did, and I know I'm

taking some time, you're fine, fine.

748

But the other thing I did before I went

into my last inpatient was I knew I

749

needed to get honest with my husband.

750

'cause I had been.

751

Kind of tee totaling

into Adderall as well.

752

I wasn't addicted, but I liked it 'cause

it helped cure my hangover and helped

753

me get things done when I was drinking.

754

And so I knew I couldn't get sober

and stay sober unless he knew this.

755

So I had a conversation with

him and in my mind he was gonna.

756

Tear up the entire house, even though

he's the most levelheaded person

757

in the world, he was gonna ask for

a divorce, and I'm just like, I

758

just need to tell you something.

759

And so I told him, he's

like, okay, are you done?

760

I'm like, yeah.

761

He's like, alright, then we're good.

762

I'm like, oh my God.

763

I was ruminating over this.

764

In my mind.

765

I'm like, oh my gosh.

766

And then at that point

I'm like, okay, good.

767

I have no more secrets.

768

Mm-hmm.

769

That's it.

770

I'm like, now I can do this.

771

And uh, and slowly but surely

it took him a while to rebuild

772

that trust as I just learned.

773

It was like two years to

kind of fully trust me again.

774

And, um, and.

775

I can't say life is perfect,

but my gosh, it's so worth it.

776

And I wouldn't be 12 and a half

years sober if it wasn't, if this

777

sucked, if it wasn't worth it.

778

Right.

779

I would definitely go back.

780

But I know what my drinking

was and it wasn't fun.

781

Mm-hmm.

782

Even though in the beginning it

was, and then it became a fun with

783

problems and then it became a problem,

and that's kind of what I just saw.

784

Dennis Qua, uh, say in a, in a reel.

785

I'm like, that's so true.

786

Mm-hmm.

787

And then I couldn't stop.

788

But I used it for anxiety.

789

It started with heartbreak.

790

It turned into anxiety.

791

Since alcohol increases anxiety, it

increases cortisol, Lord knows, if I

792

would've known that before I was using

it to calm my anxiety, in turn, it

793

was making my anxiety so much worse.

794

What the heck

795

Speaker: I know.

796

Speaker 3: And then it turned

into where I couldn't stop.

797

So.

798

Again, a long answer.

799

It was many things and all of them

are, were working, even if I thought

800

they didn't, and even if my family

didn't think it was working, it was,

801

and I just had to get to a point, I

had to get to the point where I didn't,

802

or I really wanted sobriety and.

803

I was ready, I was ready to do this.

804

Speaker: Well, I, I want to commend

you because it takes a courageous woman

805

to go through what you went through

and then to turn your life around and

806

help other people going through it.

807

Mm-hmm.

808

Yeah.

809

And know you're, you're my kind of people.

810

The that's, I love that you've got

your calling and you're helping people,

811

and so if we have some listeners.

812

Want to, can they jump in any time?

813

Do you start as a group?

814

How does it work, Jen?

815

Speaker 3: I like to start as a

group 'cause there's momentum there.

816

Mm-hmm.

817

I don't want you to

watch a bunch of videos.

818

I want you to get in and get connected.

819

And so, um, I don't have 'em all the time.

820

I'm considering one in mid-November,

depending on when this podcast

821

comes out of doing a 31 day group.

822

And then of course, I'm gonna

have one in January as well.

823

However, in the meantime, you can

always join Lighthouse Sobriety,

824

which is my monthly membership.

825

Anytime 24 7 and get instant

access to over 150 women.

826

We have meetings every day.

827

It's fun.

828

We have book club, we work

out, we do all these things.

829

It's just a different way

to get sober and stay sober.

830

And so one of the best things that

you can have is that sober community.

831

Mm-hmm.

832

And I would start there, um, and then

be on the lookout for my next program.

833

Speaker: I love that.

834

And we'll have all your information in

the show notes so people can find you.

835

And we have gone way over time, so

I wanna thank you for being here

836

and I can't help, but I have one.

837

Do you have time?

838

Because I have one more question.

839

Speaker 3: Oh yeah, let's hear it.

840

Speaker: So as you were talking, I

thought of dear friends who have a son

841

who's got children, um, almost 40 and.

842

Kind of, um, has lost everything.

843

Right?

844

Many, I mean, I've, I've

watched this going on for years.

845

And is there, I mean, I think they kinda

keep coming in and bringing 'em home.

846

Is there any advice that you could

give to parents of these adult kiddos

847

or spouses or, you know, partners

or whatever that can help them?

848

Because.

849

I mean, I know in, in all the

things I've been through, we

850

can't control other people and how

they feel and we can't save 'em.

851

Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

852

Speaker: But it's pretty

dang hard, you know?

853

How did your parents do that?

854

How did you know you

couldn't go back there?

855

Speaker 3: They just

said I couldn't go back.

856

Right.

857

And I think honestly, boundaries.

858

I think if there's anything that I

can offer, advice is Melody Beatie

859

offers has a book called det.

860

No, the LA Letting

Codependent No More, sorry.

861

That's okay.

862

She also has a language of letting go.

863

Um, but she has this phrase where you

can, um, you can detach with love is

864

where like I needed to lose things

and I only lost things because my

865

husband and my parents set boundaries.

866

You can't stay here if you're drinking.

867

And as hard as it is, it's so needed.

868

And there's ways we can be compassionate

knowing that this isn't them.

869

This is, you could say they're

drinking or addiction, but you

870

can detach, but in a loving way.

871

And all I wanted someone to

say when I was struggling was,

872

everything's gonna be okay.

873

And not to berate them.

874

But to treat 'em with kindness,

just like you would treat

875

someone with breast cancer.

876

Mm-hmm.

877

Um, but the main thing I want

parents or spouses to know

878

is to take care of yourself.

879

Mm-hmm.

880

I think it's, when this happens, we lose

sight of eating, of doing the things

881

that we enjoy of getting support so.

882

Seeking those things of moving

your body, all of those things

883

that I mentioned, right?

884

And making sure you're eating, you're

getting your core needs met, and also

885

seeking support, whether that's online.

886

Support for families and partners with

spouses who are drinking, or, I know

887

there's Al-Anon too, if you wanna go

the AA way for how to find that support,

888

and that can be super, super helpful.

889

So detach with love, get

really read on boundaries.

890

Set those boundaries, follow through on

them and know that you're helping them.

891

Even if it hurts.

892

Yeah.

893

Even if you feel grief or not

grief, but shame about it.

894

Uh, take care of yourself.

895

Drink water, move your body.

896

Yeah.

897

All of those things.

898

Make sure you're eating and

sleeping as best as you can.

899

Take care of your children and get

in, get some support with other

900

people who are going through it.

901

Speaker: Great advice and thank

you for staying to answer that

902

one last question that I have.

903

But it's important though.

904

Yeah.

905

I've gotten

906

Speaker 3: a lot of questions and

I should do some advice on it.

907

Um, or maybe even a group.

908

'cause a lot of spouses and partners

are reaching out, what can I do?

909

How can I help?

910

And,

911

Speaker: or parents, you

know, I mean, I'm seeing that.

912

Yeah.

913

Speaker 3: Boundaries.

914

Yes.

915

Boundaries are

916

Speaker: so important

917

Speaker 3: and compassion for that person.

918

Mm-hmm.

919

Because they don't wanna do this.

920

They're doing it because

they don't know better.

921

Speaker: Exactly.

922

I had someone, um, talking to me

about that, about addiction in a past

923

episode, and, and that was the same

way he described it as, you know,

924

it's just like when someone's sick.

925

That you love, you're concerned.

926

Mm-hmm.

927

And it's the same thing with

alcohol or drugs, so, yeah.

928

Mm-hmm.

929

It's not an easy subject,

but thank you so much Yeah.

930

For taking it on, for helping people

and listeners, go find Jen Hurst at

931

Lighthouse Sobriety and we'll have, like

I said, everything in the show notes.

932

So Jen, thank you so much for being here.

933

Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

934

I appreciate it.

935

And if you guys have any questions,

please reach out on Instagram.

936

I'd love to.

937

I'd love to get those and help you.

938

You got

939

Speaker: a great Instagram page.

940

That's where I found you.

941

It's awesome.

942

Speaker 3: Thank you.

943

I appreciate it.

944

Yeah.

945

Speaker: Yes.

946

All right, honey, you take good care.

947

Speaker 3: All right, you too.