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45. (S2E9) Complacency is a Disease with Tony Jalan
Episode 453rd March 2022 • FINE is a 4-Letter Word • Lori Saitz
00:00:00 00:42:52

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Today's episode is a real treat. I’m talking with Tony Jalan about motivation, problem solving, owning where you are in life, and practicing intentional gratitude. Tony really got me thinking about the whole concept around intentionality. And as soon as he said complacency is a disease, I knew that was the title of this one.

Tony is an award-Winning Executive Sales Leader (8x) and a Certified John Maxwell Leadership coach, trainer, and speaker.

He's learned from and been coached by Olympic coaches and high-level CEOs, and read hundreds of books on leadership, mindset, business building and team building. so that he can be of service to others.

When he's not training and developing sales leaders or teaching John Maxwell philosophies, you can find him spending time with family, writing, coaching youth sports, fishing, or playing racquetball.

Here's one of the key takeaways from our conversation:

There’s not a point in anyone’s life where you’re above asking for help. Even the highest level coaches and leaders have coaches and mentors. Everyone needs someone to pull them up.

Tony's hype song is All I do is WIN by DJ Khaled feat. Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain & Snoop Dogg

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonyjalan/                   

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonyjalan_leadership_mindset/

Are you enjoying this show? Please tell three other people about it. Let’s get these stories get in front of more people who can benefit from hearing them, so they can know they're not alone and there's nothing wrong with them. And so they, too, can realize it’s possible to say F*ck Being Fine.

Another way to help spread the word, is to hit that plus button at the top of your screen in Apple podcasts, if you haven’t already. And click on the follow button on the other platforms.

If after listening to this episode, you would like some more personal attention on adding peace and gratitude and groundedness to your life, I can help you with that. Pop over to the Zen Rabbit.com web page and sign up for my VIP list. That way, you'll be the first to get all the tools and tips on finding calm amidst the chaos of life.

Transcripts

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[00:00:18] Tony Jalan: thank you for having me there, Lori. Glad to be here.

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[00:00:35] Tony Jalan: No. Great question. Um, I grew up in a family of nine children and I'm the oldest and nine, seven girls, two boys,

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[00:00:47] Tony Jalan: one bathroom. And I wouldn't call that much of a bathroom.

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[00:00:53] Tony Jalan: one bathroom. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was one of those things. When mom said it was time to eat. You didn't hesitate, you went to the table,

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[00:01:05] Tony Jalan: correct? Correct. But somehow she'd always find ways to still make me pancakes or beans and rice. I don't know, wanting to, to,

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[00:01:13] Tony Jalan: uh, so I would say, you know, values is, you know, be kind of. You know, I saw that consistently with my parents, even though quote unquote, they didn't have a lot in their checking account, their give account, their kindness account was overfilled. And so they made, they would get the shirt off the back of people. Um, hard work, like excuses are off the table. You know, you, you can figure out a way if you want the way. And of course, you know, faith and family was a big thing too.

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[00:02:05] Tony Jalan: Oh, 100%. I mean, I remember when I was like, I don't know, um, let's say eight, nine years old. I mean, I was working since I was seven years.

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[00:02:19] Tony Jalan: So my dad was a manual labor and we did field work. So imagine getting up at 4:30 in the morning, putting on long pants, uh, jeans, tucking your jeans into your socks, having a sweater ready cause you tuck your jeans in your socks. So mice don't run up your legs.

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[00:02:41] Tony Jalan: field work and we'd be, we'd start, you know, early, early morning and we'd walk miles and miles and miles and, you know, hoeing weeds away from the sugar beets.

Um, yeah, it was it's. My dad said, if you want some, you gotta just gotta go get it. And it wasn't like handouts. It was, you really got to go out there and get it. And I saw that with them, you know, they always would figure out a way.

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[00:03:18] Tony Jalan: I did eventually, um, you know, I, it was like one of those things. Like I had a job when I was 14 years old and I can see this now because of many years ago, but you're supposed to be 16 to get the job. They didn't ask me my age and I'm like, all right. You know, and it was refinishing floors and in an apartment complex.

And, um, on there, forget, I gotten paid on a Friday and. I was all excited. Like I got a paycheck, right. I was going to go to the mall, get some clothes, spend some money. And all of a sudden, the boss rose up in his convertible goals. Hey, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm going to go shopping. He goes, well, we got work to do yet tonight. All right. What do you mean? He goes, oh, we gotta re rip out some carpets and I'll never forget. I was working two to three o'clock in the morning. She's just like shoveling off the rubber backing of carpet off of wood floors.

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[00:04:18] Tony Jalan: I know I was sleeping, I was sleeping. I was sleeping. Uh, you know, I think, you know, I had some good mentors growing up. I still have good mentors today. And I really believe that I'm a product of mentorship. And my parents always encouraged me to take risks to go out there and, and, and try things. And, um, eventually I learned that I get paid more from my brain than my hands.

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[00:04:49] Tony Jalan: Um, I felt they did And I felt like, you know, it was one of those things growing up, teachers would say, oh, you're Tony's brother you're Tony's sister you're Jalan. So we had a little reputation that regard, and I felt that because I felt that I could be the difference maker in my family. Like if I can show what was possible. It did inspire my family to do the same.

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[00:05:18] Tony Jalan: I believe it did. I believe it.

M at night. My mom would work:

Why do you work so hard? I go, if I don't work so hard, it's like, I'm slapping my parents in the face for the sacrifices that they made. And you know, my brother's an MD. Um, my sister has masters in teaching. Um, they own the semi-pro football team. Like all of them do something in terms of contributing back to society, which is awesome.

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[00:06:12] Tony Jalan: You know, it's interesting when, when you, when you and I talked about Fine is a 4-Letter Word, I was having a conversation with someone and they go, they said back to me. It's fine. And right away, I thought, okay, it's surely not fine. Like you might as well say the F word. If you're going to say fine and fine is a, a clean version of the F-word, Um,

I think it was as it was, it's a lot of different periods of my life where I said I was fine, but I wasn't.

I think part of it because I felt I had to show up,

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[00:06:43] Tony Jalan: I had to show up for others. I had to be consistent regardless of the stuff that was going on in my life. had to show up. I think a lot of times you see that happen as a leader. And you don't have someone to you. You think you don't have someone to go in and share with, even though there's a lot of people that do want to share with you?

hink probably back to the say:

[00:07:52] Lori Saitz: Yeah, it's a slow.

[:

I didn't push myself as hard. And, um, because I just had learned so much, I experienced so much, I made, had so many failures. I learned so much, but then, um, I realized prior to 2016, 17, I had probably close to 17. Um, like I said, it was a incremental period of time that, um, I was more likely in a depression. I would come home. I'd work my tail off in a day. Everything we pretty nice on the front end, but on Saturdays, I would literally go with my bedroom and be in bedroom all day long.

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[00:09:07] Tony Jalan: still show up.

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[00:09:12] Tony Jalan: 100 percent for other people. And, um, cause that was what you did. There was not a choice in that at least. So that's what I thought

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[00:09:25] Tony Jalan: oh yeah. I mean I saw my

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[00:09:28] Tony Jalan: up show up and I didn't start to realize that things started slipping until my life starts slipping. And a lot of different areas, you know, um, complacency is a disease that creeps in and I believe that creeped in for me in different places, because I sometimes would ask myself, well, now what, right.

You know, I achieved this, you know, got all this and savings to be able to do this and that. And I realized that my life was more focused on, it was a goal oriented life. We're like five, six years versus a growth oriented, like.

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[00:10:28] Tony Jalan: Yeah. Yeah.

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Those are the end goals. The ultimate thing that you're working.

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[00:11:17] Lori Saitz: Yeah, those are important questions and important. The questions to answer questions, to feel, um, I'm thinking about how you want to feel.

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[00:12:15] Lori Saitz: ego is like eating this up, right?

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worthy,

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[00:12:47] Tony Jalan: of that because I still felt like I hadn't even done anything yet.

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[00:12:51] Tony Jalan: Cause in my mind I had a certain expectation for myself and I think then what happened? Is when I got to that fine period of time is I wasn't as open to feedback, you know? Um, I wasn't seeking feedback as much.

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[00:13:20] Tony Jalan: I think it was part of it during that period of time was. I felt people thought that I already knew.

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[00:13:31] Tony Jalan: I felt in sometimes I didn't know yet. At the same times I felt scared to say, Hey, you know, I'm really struggling in this part right now. Um, I need some help, you know, here's how I've gone through it. Here's where I didn't like he needs some help on, um, cause there's there's protection in that covenant with others. You know, to be able to be vulnerable, to be able to be yourself in it. And during that fine period of my life, I, I felt, I told the story to myself that, oh, I can't ask because then, you know, they look up to you for certain things, but the realize that, and it was, uh, going through the depression, going into the hospital. Um, tell him, he asked me, who do I have with my living? Will it was a wake up call, like holy crap.

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[00:14:31] Tony Jalan: So what happened was, this is like around, I was like two, 7,017, I believe is when that happened. Um, maybe 18. I'm going to go see my massage therapist and also I'm going up the stairs to see, see her. I couldn't breathe. And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, I'm going to be fine. I'm gonna be fine like that.

And I had a racquetball tournament coming up, so I needed to make sure I was loosened up and she goes, you don't look good. You need to go to the doctor. I'm like, I am going to be fine. Fine. Right.

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[00:15:05] Tony Jalan: And, um, she goes, no, you're going doctor. Now you're calling the doctor. Now I got on the phone with them and they said, come to the ER, I'm like, what are you guys talking about?

I'm fine. And I get to the ER, they had a wheelchair waiting for me. They rolled me into the room, give me these nitrile tablets, something like that, hookup, all the EKGs, the whole nine yards. And the doctor comes in. The heart surgeon comes in and he says I'm 99% positive that you have blockage. And I'm like, no way, this is not happening to me.

And of course I'm going through this complete period of beating myself up because I'm like, I made these choices. I made these decisions I know better. And the worst part was when my family walked into the hospital room and the look on their face told me that, oh my gosh, like Superman is dead.

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[00:16:12] Tony Jalan: Oh 100%. And then that night the, you know, the sirens goes off. Cause my heart rate got too low and I'm like, oh my gosh. And I just had a good discussion with my maker and said, you know.

I. I made mistakes. I'm sorry for those mistakes. Forgive me. I'm going to do better. I'm going to go ahead and fulfill the gift that you've given me and that when the surgery doctor came back to me after surgery, he goes, I don't know how to tell you this.

He goes, I've done thousands of these surgeries, but you have zero blockage. We didn't put any stints in.

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[00:17:00] Tony Jalan: Not at all. Um, and so that really started making me change things in terms of, to have an attitude of gratitude

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[00:17:12] Tony Jalan: and to, you know, I think it's so easy to focus on what's wrong. Cause what's wrong is always going to be pressed.

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[00:17:23] Tony Jalan: Yeah.

You know, and, um, I realized that I wasn't probably as appreciative, I may had a positive attitude, but I wasn't appreciative. I wasn't really thankful. And people go, well, sure. You're thankful. I go, no, I wasn't practicing intentional gratitude.

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[00:17:45] Tony Jalan: I wasn't an, You know, literally since that time I've had 1,237 days straight of gratitude journaling with 8,000 moments of gratitudes.

And I read back through there, I'm like, man, it made me realize I'm pretty blessed. I I've been given a great life with great people that surround me and. Just to be continuing mindful of being that growth oriented mindset versus just the goal oriented mindset.

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[00:18:44] Tony Jalan: Absolutely. Absolutely because I was letting the world rule me. Right. I was, I was always to coming to all the world's demands and I think sometimes the best way to show love to others is showing your own self.

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[00:19:01] Tony Jalan: Yeah. And, um, yeah, I mean, just, it was matter of a year. I got my life insurance done and my advisor comes to me. He goes, Tony, this is crazy. But you rank in the top 1% of people who did the test, like, I can give you more coverage. He goes 18 year olds. Don't get this because they got more intentional again with my life.

I got intentional. Well, how I show up and why I do what I do and, you know, have the journaling, the writing, the goals, getting together with different mastermind groups. And just going back to that childlike, curiosity and faith.

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[00:19:48] Tony Jalan: I think the first, I just wrote it down.

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[00:19:52] Tony Jalan: I want to find?

them and I truly believe, you know, what you write down is what you give life to. And if you constantly looking at it, like people came into my life, Lori, that I am so thankful for today. Like I have one of my mentors is a CEO of, of former CEO of a fortune 500 company. And I hopped on a call, a leadership call and there was tons of people on this call and out of nowhere. He asked me to stay on the call, to talk with me later and says to me, You know, who's your mentor Right. now, who you tapping into. That's willing to go ahead and get in your face and call your bullshit.

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[00:20:42] Tony Jalan: I really don't have anyone, man. I tell you Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM, I'd go on my garage, be on the phone call with them. I get done. I come back inside them. It's like what happened? Cause he like carved me up, slice me up and he just knew things. He said, Tony, I've been in your shoes before I see my former self starting to come out of you. He goes, he goes, we got to own our stuff.

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[00:21:15] Tony Jalan: got to own it. And it sucks to own where you're at sometimes. But if you want to grow, like the first step to growth is awareness.

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[00:21:26] Tony Jalan: And those are the hardest things to admit. It was hard for me to admit that I was taking the easy route in my meal planning. It wasn't, it was, it was hard for me to admit. I was taking the easy path in terms of my relationships. I mean, I think part of me too, was thinking I worked so hard to get to this point.

I know it's going to take even more effort to get that next point. So I was going to that an internal battle.

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[00:22:12] Tony Jalan: It is now I think I would say it's simpler versus. 'cause I got clarity, you know, and the more you do things, the more clarity you get.

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[00:22:31] Tony Jalan: Well, that goes back to one of your first questions you asked me in the beginning, what are your values? And I think, unless you define what your values are, you will succumb easier to other people's values.

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[00:22:51] Tony Jalan: Yep.

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[00:23:04] Tony Jalan: Yeah. I mean, I had a situation where I was at a networking event and sometimes at these different events, I like to sit in the back and just gig a gathering of the room a little bit. And you may think this was a smart ass comment that I said, this person today here, him and I are friends. I didn't introduce myself in this networking event.

I didn't get up and introduce myself. I just stood, sat down and just took it all in. And he said to me, hint, this is him and I had not met yet. he said to me, he goes, um, you didn't introduce yourself. I go, no, I did yours. Well, I don't know if I like that. I go, well, it's your thought on it? It's okay. Everyone laugh. Uh, and he laughed too, but I had to start realizing that, and this is still something I'm working on is that I care what others think. Yeah. Then they also, I don't care what others think and that's a fine line, Right.

Um, no pun intended fine, but you know, I care the fact that you and I have a good interaction. You know? Um, Yeah. if we disagree on something, I don't care. It's, okay. Like it's okay to it's okay to agree to disagree.

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[00:24:56] Tony Jalan: And growing up, that was a big challenge for me. And it still to this day, I have my challenges with it. Um, you know, I grew up with very little means. You know, um, we, we had food stamps and your listeners don't know if food stamps is, is like today, they give you a little card back then it was funny play money.

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[00:25:17] Tony Jalan: And I remember like when I realized what it was, I felt so embarrassed.

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[00:25:26] Tony Jalan: Oh, I was when I started being aware of it, probably at 12, 13 years old, I would, I would wait in the. For other people that go to a cash register before I would, you know, and then when I moved schools and all of a sudden, the popular kids all want me to come hang out at their houses.

I wouldn't do it because my mind was thinking though, they're going to want to come to my house,

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[00:25:51] Tony Jalan: you know? And, um, it was a big thing for me to be liked and I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be part of those groups. And then, you know, I, I look now to some of the words that my father taught me. He's like Tony, the wealthiest person.

Isn't the one who has the most, it's the one who needs to least.

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[00:26:46] Tony Jalan: I think when he was talking about some material thing, it's like, he goes, I want you to do well. I want you to do your best. right. But he goes, your car. Doesn't make you, your, the shoes you wear, doesn't make you, you know, who you are, what is, what makes you. And, you know, be you like, my dad was a five foot, four funny guy.

He'd always kid around with people, joke around with people. They probably couldn't understand what he was saying sometimes because of his, um, um, accent and, uh, you know, just be you. And I think that's why so many people revered him and my mom and respect them because they are. And, you know, then they're not afraid to share their opinions.

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[00:27:45] Tony Jalan: Well, I think change doesn't happen until we're tired of where we're at,

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[00:27:51] Tony Jalan: you know? And then, you know, there's a saying that says pain brings change.

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[00:28:19] Tony Jalan: Yeah.

And like you put me in the corner, I'm going to, I'm going to fight. I'm going to come at you with guns, a blazing. See that I can't do it. Okay. Watch I'll do it. Um, w I know we're all wired a little bit differently, but looking at the times in which I've made massive change in my life is when it hurt. When I was, when I was in the valley, not in the mountain top when I was in the valley.

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[00:28:55] Tony Jalan: Seeing people when seeing people like realize, Hey, here's my obstacle in front of me Right.

now. And helping them remove that, like that gets me so jazzed when I, when I get a chance to see people say, okay, Tony, I feel like. Life is unorganized. I feel like I'm all over the place. I'm tired of being tired and all of a sudden we can sit down and say, okay, listen, let's, let's assess where you're at. And then helping them develop a simple plan to get out of that rut. And they come back to me later, like, oh my gosh, Tony, like, this is so simple. Why didn't I figure that out? I go, cause you're in the thick of it,

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[00:29:37] Tony Jalan: you know? And the thing is. When we ask better questions of ourself is how we improve our lives.

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[00:30:10] Tony Jalan: What a love at times is, is that there's so much things today demanding our attention and our time

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[00:30:19] Tony Jalan: that I feel based on my experiences and talking to people that people simply just don't have the time to talk to think and creating that space for people just to sit there and let's listen to them is probably one of the best gifts I can give you.

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Their own truth. Again, you know, this comes back to the whole thing of what I'm doing with corporate teams in terms of teaching them about how to use gratitude, which we've talked about a lot in our previous conversation, use gratitude, use meditation to tap into that inner knowing, and then use that to fuel success.

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[00:32:42] Lori Saitz: Absolutely

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[00:32:53] Lori Saitz: or gotten quiet enough to listen to him.

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I'm like, okay. And I'll go through it after asking that question. And it's one that usually will just stand up to. And I'll listen to it. I'm like, ah, that's what I needed to hear today.

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[00:33:31] Tony Jalan: it does, it may not always come in the form that you want it,

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[00:33:36] Tony Jalan: but don't mistake the form for the function. And Then sometimes I'll go, really? This is what you want me to do. All right.

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[00:33:53] Tony Jalan: It does. And you know, it's like you listened to one of the two voices. You're the one that's asking the questions or the one that's telling you things.

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[00:34:10] Tony Jalan: And just to get you gotta be the more time you take time to think for yourself and just creating a space with you. I'm talking emails down notifications on your phone. Like people think I'm nuts. You look at my phone, it's literally on silent, not vibrate silent. The only notification I have on there is my screen time notification that comes up and my calendar that comes up. Nothing else. People go, whoa, what have you missed? I go, I miss it.

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[00:34:44] Tony Jalan: No, like I would send a message on my, um, my vacation responder and I'll say, if this is a 911 situation, you can text me

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[00:34:56] Tony Jalan: and I've done that for years. You know how many text messages that I've ever gotten? One.

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We're plenty of distractions. So I used to shut my door and put a note on it that said, unless the building is on fire, do not disturb me right now.

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I say it, my son says it to me now, which somewhat makes me go, dang. It does have an impact. Doesn't it. I go, well, you know, I, I hear this. Um, but did anyone die or go to jail? and all, no. Okay. Then, you know, we're going to work through this. Like nothing lasts forever. It's going to be alright

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[00:36:12] Tony Jalan: It is. And you're going to keep doing things until you figure it out.

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[00:36:22] Tony Jalan: Oh, yeah.

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[00:36:27] Tony Jalan: I think too, like when things that would be my pet peeves is when I hear the word, I can't like that will freaking drive me up to the wall. And I go, like someone says, well, I can't do it. I go, okay, I hear what you're saying, but what I'm really saying is that you're not willing. Just tell me that. Just tell me that you're now.

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[00:36:51] Tony Jalan: Right, or I don't have time. Well, I hear ya. But what you're telling, what I'm hearing is that it's just not a priority for you and that's okay.

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[00:37:01] Tony Jalan: Just tell me that.

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[00:37:07] Tony Jalan: And that's hard. Like it takes practice,

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[00:37:10] Tony Jalan: you know, but you know what, while we have a colleague, he says, you know, you get to choose your heart.

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[00:37:39] Tony Jalan: Oh, yeah. I mean, when I look at situations, I have like, Okay. Four or five questions that I go through in terms of problem solving. Like what's, what's the problem. What's the cause of that problem? Like no BS was the cause of the problem. What's the cost of letting that problem keep on going on because he puts in perspective, right?

Like, is this actually something I need to ask you to invest time or not with? And then the next thing is case. So what are some possible solutions? And then what is the best? What's the best solution right now? This is let's make a decision because no decision is still a decision.

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[00:38:29] Tony Jalan: No, no. Cause we spend so much time. Ruminate Ruminating. I thank you on the problem when we spend more time on the solution. So I literally like, I'm all about, you got to have a system, you have a problem solving system. Great. What's the problem. What's the cause of it. What's the cost of it, you know, what are some possible solutions?

And what's the best one.

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[00:39:14] Tony Jalan: All I do is win-win.

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This.

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[00:39:50] Lori Saitz: Yeah, well,

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[00:39:53] Lori Saitz: yeah, yeah, yeah. We could get into a whole other part of a conversation, but have it just because we are here on this earth as humans in this time, that's winning. Like we won like the genetic law. But because

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[00:40:12] Lori Saitz: yeah. Yeah. So again, thank you so much. We could I'm sure continue this for another hour, but we'll, we'll leave it at this for now.

Thanks for joining me today on fine is a four letter word.

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[00:40:35] Lori Saitz: Oh, you know what, before we go, how can people, if they want to continue this conversation with you, how can they do that?

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Tony Jalan, LinkedIn. You'll find me there. You can text message me. There's a number of text messages to have a coffee meeting as well. Um, I just feel that the more we can go ahead and connect and collaborate with one another, we can make this world a better place and we just gotta do it together.

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[00:41:15] Tony Jalan: Thank you, Lori.

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