People tend to think that if their intentions were good then that should settle it. But relationships don't happen inside intentions. They happen in the impact we have on each other.

In this episode, we explore why intent and impact aren't competing ideas; they're two sides of the same coin. We look at why good intentions don't always lead to good outcomes, how trauma and survival mode shape what we give and receive, and why repair starts with being willing to hear another person's experience, even when it isn't what we hoped to hear.

We explore:

• Why intent and impact are two sides of the same coin.
• Why good intentions don't automatically create a healthy impact.
• How trauma and survival mode shape the way we interpret other people's actions.
• Why another person's experience deserves to be heard, even when it wasn't our intention.
• How defensiveness gets in the way of repair.
• Why repair is the foundation of healthy relationships, not the absence of conflict.
• The role emotional safety plays in difficult conversations.
• Why both people have work to do when intent and impact don't align.
• What it takes to move forward without dismissing either person's experience.

Episode Thoughts to Sit With

• "Intent and impact are not two opposing things. They're two sides of the same coin."
• "You’ve got to be able to listen to the impact you had on others, even if it doesn't feel good."
• "Everybody wants their experience heard."
• "When we are in a place where we can't even hear each person's truth about the situation…about how something affected us…we never allow the door to open for repair. We shut the door for repair. And that is the beginning of the deterioration of relationships."
• "Even when you heal, it's not that it's not there, it's that it's quieter."
• "We gotta care about the other person's experience as much as we care about our own experience."

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Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.