Corinne Foxx - @corinnefoxx

Natalie McMillan - @nataliemcm and @shopnataliemcmillan 

What we're drinking: Corazon del Sol Malbec 

TOPIC: 

Valentine’s Day is almost here and the most important person that you should shower with love is yourself! Today, we’re talking about how to cultivate self love and compassion. We share the research-backed exercises that can get you into a kinder and more loving headspace. We also talk about the benefits of spending time getting to know yourself and doing meaningful things that bring you joy. So don’t worry if you don’t have anyone sending you a box of chocolates this year, cause we’ve got you covered! 

In this episode, we discuss:

• How women in particular are far more compassionate towards others than themselves 
• Self talk exercises and mantras to foster self love 
• How meditation can help rewire your brain to think more compassionately towards yourself 
• Ideas for taking yourself out on a date 
• How going on a digital detox can help boost your self esteem 
• The link between self efficacy and self worth 
• Having a Treat Yo’ Self mindset in 2022 

END OF THE SHOW: 

Corinne and Natalie introduce Hottie of the Week: Lizzo 

WINE RATING:

Corazon del Sol Malbec  = 8.75/ Lizzo

WRAP UP:

To wrap up the episode, we take personality tests! In the spirit of today’s episode, we answer questions about our habits and preferences. The quiz determines that Corinne is inquisitive, honest, reserved, impatient, and resourceful. Natalie takes a test to find out if she’s Type A or Type B, and apparently she’s “seriously Type B” with a touch of “Type A-ish.” 

We have a brand new newsletter for our Am I community. You can sign up for the newsletter on our website: amidoingthisrightpod.com

You can email us for episode ideas or Random Advice: amidoingthisrightpod@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @amidoingthisrightpod 

Don't forget to rate and review the podcast! It really helps us grow!

[00:00:08] Natalie McMillan: And I'm Natalie McMillan.

[00:00:20] Natalie McMillan: And each week we cover a new topic and we pop open a new bottle of wine.

Treat goes

[00:00:54] Corinne Foxx: Have you guys know that reference?

[00:01:10] Corinne Foxx: it. It's one of those days now it's just happens to be one of those days.

Well, let's get into the wine that we're drinking.

[00:01:24] Corinne Foxx: the heart of the.

[00:01:34] Corinne Foxx: weird. I was weird. Okay. So cortisone does soul.

Yes.

[00:01:44] Corinne Foxx: You know, I love when I start seeing all the Valentine's day decorations going up, because I know my birthday is coming up next week. Do you associate when the Christmas decorations start going up? Like your birthday's coming up? No. Oh,

Cause your birthday is December 20th. I know, but I, I guess I just think it's Christmas.

[00:02:13] Natalie McMillan: love those candies. Those are so good. Yeah.

I did. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. I just wanted to tell everyone here. I have been telling Natalie for years now, she is a psychic medium, some type of clairvoyant person. She does not believe me, but then. Predicted the birth of a human being on earth. Almost exactly. Yeah. And there's no denying it now. Well, okay.

[00:03:06] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. So my manager, James and his wife, Megan just had a baby girl. Yeah. And so I've been for months begging Jay and with James just told me that.

Yeah, he was very tight-lipped about it. And so we, I was guessing I sent random guesses, but then Natalie. Should we just say your name. Okay. So her name ended up being George, George Georgina. Yeah, but they call her Georgie Natalie guest. She was like, I think it's going to be a feminine name with masculine nickname.

Yeah. Like Francesca or Frankie.

[00:03:44] Corinne Foxx: her name's Georgie.

[00:03:55] Corinne Foxx: hear a voice coming a psychic, I guess, but beyond just the name, if you guys are like what I wrote her name, she also predicted almost the birthday and yeah.

And she was like, sure. So I just did one. I don't know what I'm doing when I do those,

[00:04:37] Natalie McMillan: grabbed the cards, you know, I'll cleanse the energy around me and then I just start pulling the cards out.

And then what's your spread?

[00:04:52] Natalie McMillan: No, I just pull, so like for that one, I pulled two and then I was like, kind of getting the vibe of what was happening. And then I was like, okay, I need two more to let Clara.

And then yeah. So yeah, so then I texted her and I was like, okay, this is going to happen. This is going to happen. And I think she's going to be born within three days and that ended it. But I said, but I also have no idea.

[00:05:19] Natalie McMillan: yeah.

Which I just wish I knew how to like control it, but

[00:05:29] Natalie McMillan: But I also, like, I want to trust myself more. Cause I do Terra ratings for myself all the fucking time. I did one this morning

[00:05:38] Natalie McMillan: never believed myself.

I'm like, Hmm, no, you know, I'm like, this is too good. There's no way.

[00:05:54] Natalie McMillan: We for sure should do

[00:06:01] Natalie McMillan: yourself? Yes. As we said, Valentine's day is here.

Love is in the air. And the most important person that you should love is really

[00:06:13] Natalie McMillan: an empty glass. You can not, we wanted to focus the whole episode on how to cultivate self-love during this time, because I think everybody, this is the season of coupling and all this, but we forgot.

[00:06:54] Natalie McMillan: Isn't that crazy? How, like, we can give so much love to other people, but then when it's ourselves, we're like, oh, we don't deserve it.

[00:07:08] Natalie McMillan: us a hundred percent. So, you know, we'd love some facts and some

[00:07:15] Natalie McMillan: so we've got some interesting ones.

So more than one thirds, a 36% of Americans say that. Always liked themselves and close to half say they like themselves. Most of the time, only 12% say they don't like themselves. Most of the time. And very few, 2% say they don't like themselves at all. There are

Oh, that is crazy. It makes me sad too,

[00:07:48] Corinne Foxx: Right. Cause if they want to be alone with yourself.

[00:07:53] Corinne Foxx: that. Not after this episode.

Oh. And it was a groundbreaking study. It was conducted by, I think it's YP sauce or Ipsos, which is a multinational market research com. And it was significant because of its sheer size. They surveyed over 22,000 people living across 21 different countries. And for context, most research papers, they study around eight to 25 participants at a time.

[00:08:28] Natalie McMillan: accurate. So they surveyed 22,000 and its main aim was to explore the different dimensions of self-love including perception. Self frequency of experiencing emotions, such as nervousness or anxiety, personal confidence, resilience, and reported drivers of self esteem. Oh,

And so some of the findings from that study said that one in two women feel more self doubt than self-love with 60% wishing they had more respect for themselves. Right. Ah, yeah. It's like that self doubt. That self love really like you go back and forth between it. I mean,

I wish I had more respect for myself too.

Deem than married and non-minority women, 37% of single women and 38% of minority women suffer compared to 21% of married women and 25% of non minority women. Interesting. Yeah. Obviously you can understand the minority in living in a society that is literally does not work for you. Right. And then just like the whole, like mindset of being single and married and how that's supposed to be.

So yeah. Or

[00:10:04] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. Yeah. Another interesting finding says unsurprisingly social media users, which we will get to later in word that pin in that have lower levels of self-love 72% of women in the UK wish their bodies were different.

African persons on social media. I'm not surprised that that is serious. And we have we're to talking about that later in the episode. It's not great for the, well, the crazy

Yeah.

[00:10:57] Natalie McMillan: She must have so much free time. And I was like, she probably gets so much done.

I know, but not, should we get into one of our pillars of self-love, which is.

So if we quote unquote, fail at something, although we do not believe in it, We have

[00:11:39] Natalie McMillan: 56. But if you perceive that you have failed at something, we become highly self-critical. And interestingly enough, self-critical overachievers are not the only ones that lack self-compassion some of the kindest people do as well, which was confirmed by her work.

There is no correlation between the trait. Compassion and feelings of compassion towards

[00:12:12] Natalie McMillan: And many people, women in particular are far more compassionate and kinder towards others than to themselves, but fourth, there is an upside.

Okay. Which is that self-compassion can be learned.

That's a really

[00:12:50] Corinne Foxx: exercise. What was it the other day? I was like, I can not delegate. I said that I was so stupid. Like I was just doing all of that in my head. And I literally thought that I was like, what have your friends said, oh, I am. I said this weird thing. It'd be like, so no one's thinking about it.

Right, right. You do have to look at yourself through the eyes of somebody else. I used to have a little post-it in my bathroom. It was like, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who admires you. Wow. Another thing you can do to develop more self-compassion is to develop a self-compassion mantra. I suggest developing something that is easily memorized so that when something difficult happens, you can go to your phrases.

They are not positive affirmations, but reminder. So an example of a self-compassion mantra is this is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment may give myself the compassion that I need. I love that realistic. Also. I love that because sometimes when you're like in a rut, you can't just be like, I am confident.

Yes I am. This is life. This is what happens. This is hard, but I can still love myself. Yes. And lastly, another way to practice more self compassion is meditation. You know, we love meditation here at the podcast. So when we access a meditative state through contemplation and relaxation, we can begin to loosen the grip of self-critical thoughts and emotions and rewire our brains to think more compassionately towards ourselves.

You

[00:14:27] Corinne Foxx: They also have like a self love self, what is it called? Compassion like meditation. Yeah. Even on like

Some love letter. So write yourself some juicy, beautiful love letters, congratulate yourself on, you know, your promotion or starting your own business or whatever you've done recently. You should tell yourself how proud you are. Maybe you ended a relationship. Maybe you bought a house. You should just gush about all your incredible qualities, same sort of thing as if you're as if your friend.

I was writing it, you know? Yeah. And you can wait for a partner to come along and worship you like the goddess you are, or you can just start doing it yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so if you really want to boost this one, write yourself some emails and schedule them to send later. So you can be surprised by an unexpected, probably forgotten love letter, just like a partner might do.

Can you schedule

[00:15:41] Natalie McMillan: I need to do that. I know. Cause I'm definitely gonna forget.

You're that? You're this. Oh my God. That could

[00:16:00] Corinne Foxx: oh my God, we can't get into it. We have to have, do an episode on it, Natalie and I have been cracking the code on the universe, literally cracked. We can't talk about it at this time, because we will get completely off topic, but just hold a pin in that.

And if you guys want us to circle back on our theories, we

[00:16:21] Corinne Foxx: like scared to reveal. I just fear that we're going to be hospitalized because

[00:16:30] Corinne Foxx: love with yourself.

A really great thing to do, which we've done a full episode on before is taking a digital detox. Social media is now an embedded part of our society. Everyone from your mom to random Instagram influencers, use it to stay connected with their friends or to get noticed. However, researchers and psychologists have noted that social media can have a corrosive effect on mental health studies show that your Facebook and Instagram scrolling is actually depressing.

It's all too common to compare ourselves to the filter. Perfect pictures. We see, we spend almost 11 hours a day staring at a screen, and it's not making us any happier. And think about your computer work computer, just all the screens, TVs, all screens, 60% of people using social media reported that it impacted their self-esteem in a negative.

You know. Yeah. So getting out from behind a screen might inspire you to get out a little more, maybe out for a walk or a little exercise, which is associated with so many great things, including decreased anxiety, according to the anxiety and depression association of America. Which

You've been hiking recently been getting into

Yeah. Because sometimes I, and I learned this because I have this YouTube girl, how to ADH. She's amazing. And she was saying that a lot of us will. I have ADHD guys. A lot of us will just keep scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, because we're trying to stimulate our brains, but it's not stimulating. But we think it is.

Yeah, but it actually, like when I do that, I noticed I'm like exhausted and like, I don't feel good and

[00:19:04] Natalie McMillan: something about it where it's like, I don't like this. So her suggestion was like, do things that, you know, will stimulate your brain.

And I think this goes for ADHD people, but also just normal people. Yeah. Like go on dual lingo, like do something that, you know, your brain is going to be like, Oh, wait, this is more interesting than just scrolling around on these random rates, you know? Yes. Another hot tip, hot with a capital H go on a date with yourself.

The super scenic park nearby with your favorite cheeses and some hallmates in Korea. Like you can come up with these cute little dates, especially right now, like February. Yeah. Like take yourself out on a little date when I was doing the artist's way you had to do these dates with your creativity. Oh yeah.

And it was so fun. Like every week I would think, okay, where am I going to take my creativity? What's gonna inspire me. Where will I go? I went to the beach alone, like things like that. It's like nice. And here's

So treat yourself to a little day, get a little popcorn, sit down, enjoy it, you know, get a coffee and a book and just kind of. You know, walk around a bookstore.

[00:20:50] Natalie McMillan: that store. Oh my God. Do Barnes and noble still exists. They do. Okay. But they're in like, they're dying off aren't they

[00:21:03] Natalie McMillan: that is the starting point for getting a coffee and wandering a bookstore.

It's so good. Also you can just like be a tourist in your own town. Yeah. There's so many parts of LA that I'm like. What's over here. Yeah. Drive around, put on some good music. Oh, I love a dry,

And you can just, before going to the museum, visit their website, choose an area of the museum that interests you the most. And once you're there, you can just like, get a little audio. Plug up and you can just be in your own little

[00:21:43] Corinne Foxx: to museums. I know I do too. And something I thought was really, really cool.

You can do is to go on a, getting to know you date. What is that? I know. So just as one of the main purposes of going on a date with someone else is getting to know them better. You can use a solo date to get to know yourself better. So you can take like personality. You can ask yourself questions. You could take out a journal and like ask questions.

Like you would ask somebody on a date, like, what are your core values? Who is the most important person in your life? If you were told you will die in a week, what would you most regret not having done? What would the perfect day look like? Like all those first date questions. Ask yourself. Cause sometimes like, I don't, again, I'm so indecisive.

Like I don't know my preferences on

So if you're looking to increase self-confidence experts say it's important to fill your calendar with activities. A you enjoy and B that you're

[00:22:56] Natalie McMillan: So pleasure for pleasure. Sake is great, but it's unlikely to bolster your confidence. And that's a quote from a meta Kate Patel. She is a licensed clinical social worker and a psychotherapist specializing in trauma and resilience.

And as she puts it. This is the reason candy crush might feel like very good in the moment, but doesn't exactly give you a self-esteem lift when you put your phone down. So she says the key to building confidence is to engage in an activity that combines both pleasure and mastered.

So it doesn't matter what they are and it doesn't have to be in like a professional space. So if you're good at like yoga, you can pull up a flow on YouTube. If you're a good driver, then like go on more drives research shows that self efficacy, which is the belief that you are good at something and self worth are linked.

And the more you do things big or small, that you're good at the better you're going to feel about yourself. That makes sense. Even the like everyday tasks and still boost your self-confidence. I'm trying to think of like what I'm good at. That's like an everyday task. Well, not an

And I really love going to Pilates classes cause like we're

[00:24:23] Natalie McMillan: It's like, obviously if you're going to go to a dance class and you're not good at it.

You're not going to feel that good coming out.

[00:24:33] Natalie McMillan: Another really fun thing you could do is to book a solo trip. It's pretty trendy right now. And for good reason, the benefits of solo travel are huge. Not only do you get to do exactly what you want to do without negotiating with the travel.

Um, but you also get to take the trip at your own pace. A solo trip may be just what you need to get outside of your comfort zone. And it also gives you a space to explore the world and your self. And you never know what you might discover, whether you can manage one night away or three months abroad by yourself.

You're definitely gonna have. An amazing

Eating in a foreign country by yourself in a restaurant it's like so scary, but it's so empowering, invigorating, freeing, and you really learn to trust yourself. Yeah. I can take care of myself. Yes. In a foreign country by myself.

[00:25:40] Corinne Foxx: self efficacy. The last thing we're gonna. To help you cultivate more self-love is to splurge a little, you know, that perfect pair of jeans you've been dreaming about peace yourself, drink plenty.

Yes. Irresponsible spending won't help you love yourself, but it is okay to occasionally remind yourself that you deserve to give gifts to you. I think we've been leaning into that a little bit more.

Yes.

It's like, you know, everybody has your eye on

[00:26:25] Natalie McMillan: And let me tell you, you're not going to regret it in the end. I have a wallet that I really, I was like, oh my God, I love it so much. And I splurged on it and I've had it for like four years now.

And the happiest people in the study seemed to be the ones who spent more on things or services that were in sync with their personality type. For example, an outgoing person would love to blow his cash like at a bar or. Friends, but a more introverted person is likely to be happier spending their money on like books or, you know, things where they can like cozy up your home.

So spending money is also a practice of self love. If you do it in coordinates with your. Yes.

[00:27:50] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. So it's like acknowledging your needs and then also fulfilling your own needs. Yes. Cause you love yourself. You love yourself. You deserve to have your needs met. Yes. And you can meet them. Yes he can. So we hope that you guys learn more about how to cultivate. Self-love how to change yourself. Talk how to date yourself.

If you guys go on a little date, let us know about it. We would love to hear about your cell phone.

[00:28:16] Corinne Foxx: them to us and how to indulge in, treat yourself, treat in alignment with your personality and what feels good to you. So net, should we circle back on this? Cornerstone,

[00:28:32] Corinne Foxx: We've been drinking. Yes. Oh, we got to introduce

[00:28:36] Corinne Foxx: We can have self-love. Do you want to introduce her? It's Ms. Lizzo? I honestly thought we had already put her on the podcast. How do we made it this far without having Lizzo episode?

Oh, we saw Lizzo Lizzo at the palladium packed. That

[00:29:08] Natalie McMillan: I usually don't like mailbox. I like this one. I like it. Eight

[00:29:13] Natalie McMillan: 9.75 out of Ms. Lizzo.

[00:29:46] Natalie McMillan: We don't. Okay. When we do these personality tests, we never really were just like, what, what are we even searching? What are we even do? We don't know what we're doing. Send us more games, guys. Do you want to go or do you want me to now? I want you to go because I am curious, you can just take my

[00:30:03] Natalie McMillan: fuck you doing.

And what's the outcome. That's what I said. I have no idea. Oh, okay. So which of these amazes you most? It's pictures. Pictures. I'm going to, that's an Aurora Borealis. Okay. Within that, how do you create fun in your life? Spontaneity or careful planning? The spontaneous is so fun. How would you make the most of a morning off?

Oh,

[00:30:28] Natalie McMillan: it's our pictures. Okay. This girl's, she's reading a book with a little cup of tea, like that. Most likely to be my desk messy or organized. I can't really go either way. Oh, Corrine. This quiz, I think might be 7,000 questions long. How do you know that?

Because every time I click one, this little yellow thing

[00:30:59] Natalie McMillan: God. Okay. Okay. Should I do yours while you're finding one? Cause it's like, yeah, pretty easy. What time of the days are absolute favorite morning? Noon. That's between

[00:31:12] Natalie McMillan: actually on a scale. Oh, so perfect. Can I just,

[00:31:20] Natalie McMillan: You did all of them. Oh, I see.

Do you want to just read them all and do it all yourself? Oh, okay.

Over an hour or a couple minutes? Under an hour, about 45. If you're getting a gift, what do you want it to be experiences or things? Exactly in the middle. Okay. Are you more of an outdoors person or indoors person? That's tough. I love nature, but I also love being in my house. I probably lean a little bit more outdoors.

Okay. In general, do you prefer hot or cold drinks? Colt, which of these elements do you relate to more fire water?

[00:32:24] Corinne Foxx: I have a fireman. So I'm going to say, or how do you prefer your music soft and calming or loud and angry? Ooh. I love

I probably

[00:32:35] Natalie McMillan: car, mom, many as loud as it can.

[00:32:56] Natalie McMillan: Now you do a lot of bright colors. I would say you're actually like dead center,

[00:33:18] Natalie McMillan: I don't give a shit.

Well, it's I do

[00:33:38] Natalie McMillan: words.

Don't click on gun yet. Oh, I want to see it. Okay. Okay. So based on this quiz, it was, I can sum up your whole personality in five words with only 15 random questions. So here are the words, inquisitive, honest, reserved impatient resourceful. Sure.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me quiz you now. Okay. Do you see yourself in a hurry more often than not? Yes. Do you grind your teeth when you're awake or asleep? Yes. Do you find it difficult to fully focus on someone when they are talking? Yes. Do you believe that people are basically untrustworthy and only out for themselves?

Do you usually read mail or sort papers while talking on the phone or read while eating. Do you normally like go through things while you're on the phone? Or do you like read while you

[00:34:43] Corinne Foxx: Oh, it's just a yes to, I like either of those. Oh, do you usually do that? Are you normally like, no. Okay. Do you find it difficult and frustrating to wait in line or sit in traffic?

No. Do you talk faster than most people? I don't know. No. No, you don't. Okay. Do you find your facial muscles to be tense most of the time? Yes. Do you find yourself interrupting others when they speak? Yes. Do you focus on personal achievement sometimes putting it ahead of relationships? Oh yeah.

Literally the questionnaire my psychiatrist gave me, is that okay?

[00:35:39] Natalie McMillan: right now? No slowest eater, literally on the planet. It's embarrassing.

All right. Ooh, you are officially a type B person. Oh wait, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, wait, wait. You got seriously type B and then you got type a. Hold on. Okay. So this was a, are you type a quiz and you got seriously question mark. Your type B says, did you take this quiz to gloat? Seriously? You seem to have very few type a features, so good for you.

Give yourself a pat on the back and you can still learn about how to deal with type a people from this, the rest of this article. But you're tight. You're not type a person.

[00:36:54] Corinne Foxx: Oh, well, because the quiz was, are you type a, I don't think it has anywhere

Good to know.

[00:37:09] Natalie McMillan: yes. You know, I think of type a, as like my friend Alice. Who's definitely listening to this. I wonder,

[00:37:21] Natalie McMillan: Mm. I think you're you're right in between an a and a, B

I would say, yeah.

[00:37:35] Corinne Foxx: like fairly flexible, relaxed, laid back patient creative.

[00:37:54] Corinne Foxx: personality quiz.

You guys, we're not doing it ever again. Don't forget guys. We have a newsletter though. If you never want to miss an episode, you can go to, am I doing this right? pod.com and sign up for our mailing list where we send you a fun email once a week. That's just to remind you, we have an episode out and some, we send some fun gifts, some little fun things, a send links to these personality

Also, you know what? You should text a friend. This. Oh,