Season 2, Episode 9 | "Without some version of these six words, the change you seek is going to be determined by something other than you." 

In this episode of Strong & Awake, Dane and Mitch challenge listeners to confront the drift of life and the allure of comfort that keeps us asleep. They introduce a powerful six-word mantra: "Up until now, from now on," as a tool for personal transformation. This episode invites you to draw a line in the sand (or mud), acknowledge past patterns, and consciously choose a new path forward. Through personal anecdotes and practical insights, they explore the discomfort of change and the agency required to live a life of intention. Whether you're stuck in a rut or ready to break free, this conversation is a call to action to embrace voluntary discomfort and redefine your reality. Join the journey from passive existence to active participation in the life you truly desire.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction
• 01:42 The Drift and Comfort
• 02:39 Six Words That Change Everything
• 11:30 Understanding the Drift
• 15:40 Anchors and Correcting Course
• 20:44 Taking Responsibility for Solutions
• 24:05 The Fulcrum Moment: Honest to Hopeful
• 29:33 The Nature of Change: Embracing Discomfort
• 34:49 Invitation to Participate: Join the Journey
• 40:56 Final Thoughts and Next Steps

Mentions:

• M. Scott Peck: Mentioned in the context of people either taking too much responsibility or not enough responsibility. Known for his books "The Road Less Traveled" and "People of the Lie."
• Dan Tocchini: Credited with introducing the six-word phrase "up until now, from now on."
• Nassim Taleb: Referenced for his concept of "antifragility," which suggests that systems can become stronger through stress and adversity. Known for his book "Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder."
• Psalm 40: Mentioned metaphorically in reference to being stuck in the mire and needing to draw a line in the mud.
• Jerzy Gregorek: Referenced for his saying, "Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life."

Anchor Actions:

1. Reflect on Your Default State: Identify whether you tend to take too much responsibility or not enough in your life situations. Use this awareness to expand your perspective. If you usually blame yourself for everything, consider what solutions you could uniquely offer. If you often see yourself as a victim, explore ways you might take responsibility for your actions and outcomes.

2. Practice the Six-Word Pivot: Implement the "Up until now, from now on" exercise in your daily life. When you encounter a situation where you feel stuck or dissatisfied, acknowledge it honestly by saying, "Up until now," and then create a hopeful vision for change with "From now on." This practice helps shift your mindset from being reactive to proactive.

3. Engage in Community and Hold Account: If you're feeling ready to take a step towards change but need support, consider joining a community that aligns with your goals. Engage in conversations that challenge you and hold you accountable. This could be through MWOD or another group that encourages growth through discomfort and intentional living.

Listen to the end of the episode for a bonus!

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The information shared on this podcast and any related materials from Men & Women Of Discomfort (MWOD) or Flying S Incorporated are for general informational purposes only. You should not use this information as a basis for making decisions without consulting your own medical and legal professionals. We aim to provide accurate and up-to-date information, but we make no guarantees about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability, or comprehensiveness of the content.

At Men & Women Of Discomfort, we promote agency and encourage you to carefully consider the input we offer. If you find it helpful, we invite you to take advantage of it, but do so with the understanding that you bear the responsibility of due diligence. By using our content, you acknowledge that you are taking opportunities at your own risk. Thank you for understanding.

*Transcript Note: The transcript of our podcast is AI-generated and may contain errors. We aim for accuracy but appreciate your understanding and feedback on any discrepancies.

Copyright 2024 Men & Women Of Discomfort (MWOD.io)

Dane: 00:00

Without some version of these six words, the change you seek is going to be determined by something other than you.

Dane: 00:07

It's going to be determined by the drift. It's going to be determined by circumstances and whirlwinds that hit you in life. It's going to be determined by a world that's selling you frickin' comfort as a solution to things that comfort can't solve for. The drift has never led to greatness. Ever.

[: 00:00:26

Dane: 00:33

You want to change? This is how it works. Define a historical reality, and then define a future.

Dane: 00:39

You have two plot points on the map now. Up until now, from now on, you have no idea how to get from point A to point B, and you're now leading yourself forward to this plot point B in sputters and starts and failures and successes, you get to go again. And there are no linear paths. It's, it's all jagged. Always, but it's shocking when you look back over the course of not just weeks or even months or quarters, but years, you start to see, Oh, wait, I, I'm making progress.

Dane: 01:13

As humans we prefer the path of least resistance. We crave convenience, the payoff without the price. But when our lives revolve around comfort, it doesn't deliver. Living in perpetual comfort leaves us weak and asleep. This podcast is an invitation to flip that script, to choose the unlikely path, to get the life you really want through voluntary discomfort.

Dane: 01:37

This is Strong & Awake. I'm Dane Sanders.

Dane: 01:42

Mitch, I know we were supposed to be done with this season, I know, but I, I can't, I have something that we got to talk about. Let's talk about it. Okay. Well, the good news is it's brief. It's well, I don't think the conversation is going to be brief, but I do think the idea people will get very, very quickly.

Dane: 02:01

And if they sit in it, it might just change their life.

Mitch: 02:05

I think that's probably true of. A lot of these anchors,

Dane: 02:09

maybe, maybe this one is so like, like razor sharp. Good luck. In fact, I kind of dare the listeners. If the listeners can get through this episode and not have a radical shift, I'd encourage you, unlike everyone else on YouTube, unsubscribe, just unsubscribe.

Dane: 02:24

If this one doesn't get you, it's okay. We get it. We're not for you. But, um, this might, I think, be resourceful. I actually believe it will be resourceful for every single listener. And what's great again is it's, it's, it's not a complicated one. It's actually six little words, six little words. That I think will be helpful.

Dane: 02:46

So, so for folks who are listening, I want to invite you to think about some moment in your history. Could be today. Could be this morning. Uh, could have been last week. Doesn't matter when, whatever it was, it was where you royally screwed up. Like you just missed it. Um, so it could be that scenario. Um, or, uh, maybe you're not showing up the way that you wish you would show up.

Dane: 03:16

That could be another. category for you or someone else in your life screwed up or isn't showing up the way you'd prefer. Any of those categories work. So it could be about you messing, missing the mark, could be about you just like not presenting the way that you, you wish you would. Or, um, it could be about the other, the, the other one in your life, uh, doing the same thing.

Dane: 03:44

And the reason I'm leading with this as opposed to sharing this for these magical words is because it's only. Potent when you have an example in mind, and I just want every listener who's tuned in to have that example in your mind. So I'm curious, Mitch, do you have one of those in mind for you?

Mitch: 04:01

You want a moment or do you want a pattern of behavior?

Dane: 04:05

You know, it depends if you want, if it, I, patterns are so painful for me. Chronic is harder than acute, but they're, they're both, uh, It's not mutually exclusive for me. I've, I've, I've both, but whatever works for you, uh, for the moment, what's great about, about the magic here is it's, um, it doesn't really matter.

Dane: 04:28

It doesn't matter if it's chronic, it doesn't matter if it's acute, what matters is it's specific and material. So have some things, I have something specific in my mind. Um, it was a conversation I had yesterday with my son who I love so much. And, um, It's interesting how we have, you know, he, he's from me, he's my son.

Dane: 04:52

Uh, that's no doubt. That's true. And, and it's amazing how, how we're created, how we're made. I think we're perfectly suited to have moments where we just, like, Clash and, uh, it's perfect. It's so perfect. Uh, we're made for each other and, um, it's not a problem. It's just a reality. And he experienced his life so distinctly from how I experienced it.

Dane: 05:19

There's just moments where I feel like I, I screw up or I'm really look back on those moments. Like I just did not show up the way I want to show up as a dad. Um, or even if I'm perceiving him. To miss the mark. That's still about me. That's still an opportunity for me to have a conversation with myself about it, which is really what these six words are about.

Dane: 05:39

It's a conversation, but that's my that's my example for the day that I'll be working with. I'm curious if you have one for yourself.

Mitch: 05:47

Yeah, I've got, I mean, it. Like most of these kinds of things, it's one conversation that I'm holding in my head, but it represents a number of conversations similar to it, uh, with my wife, um, the, the, the classic, we were talking right before this call about like pride a little bit, um, and it's that she's helping me.

Mitch: 06:13

Or she's asking a question and it triggers that thing in me that's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This challenge is like my core or I know that I'm missing the mark here. And I meet it with like, kind of lashing out in a, in a very like, gentle and so cutting way. Um, I see that, I see that pattern and I'm, I've got that conversation in my head for sure.

Mitch: 06:40

Perfect.

Dane: 06:41

So, uh, trusting friends at home, uh, have their version of these things in mind and we'll just jump right in. So, uh, the invitation for you is to be as, um, visceral with yourself as possible right now, even if it feels judgy or harsh or you're, you're your worst critic right now, And you're like, no, I'm going to be gentle with myself in this moment.

Dane: 07:03

Trust me. It's okay. It doesn't matter how mean you want to be to yourself, how, uh, justified you want to be, how prideful you want to be all of that's fair game on the front end of what I'm going to share because of the first. Three words of this six word, um, manifesto. So whatever your reality is, I screwed up.

Dane: 07:26

I missed it. I, I, I can't stand that person. I, they're wrong. They're bad. They're broken. Oh, wait, no, I'm wrong. I'm bad. I'm broken. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Whatever your take is on the nature of things in your heart and mind, say those things out loud. Don't worry, we're not going to stop there.

Dane: 07:45

Then say these three little words to yourself. And here they are. Up until now. Up until now. Up until now. I screwed up. Up until now, I didn't show up. Up until now, I have a judgment of someone. Up until now, there's a kind of heels in mud, status quo seeker in me that is stuck. And just by saying those three little words, what I'm doing is I'm drawing a line in that mud, uh, not just sand, but mud, you know, the, uh, uh, Psalm 40 kind of mud, uh, you know, stuck in the mire and, um, and that's true up until now.

Dane: 08:35

And then you say the next three words, which are the three, maybe most hopeful words. I, I know, uh, at least in this context, and that's "from now on." From now on so you have your previous experience which is so to you up until now you draw the line and then you begin a new sentence within the new sentences from now on and this is where we get to jump back into the story we get to consider a reinvention of reality and a new path that isn't status quo seeking it's actually a creative act where we have a chance to redeem and renew.

Dane: 09:16

And go again, and it's one of the most miraculous phenomenons in the world that that's even possible. And by the way, credit where credit's due, as I often credit, my dear friend, Dan Tocchini, who first introduced me to these six words, I never want to take false credit. I actually do want to take false credit, but up until now, I don't want to take false credit from now on.

Dane: 09:36

I want to give credit away, but you get the point here and, um, and I want to make sure that. You and I have talked about this so often and so kind of prevalent in the ethos of what we do at Men and Women of Discomfort. I want to make sure that I'm, I'm presenting this in a way that makes sense. So you tell me, does this land in a way that if you've never heard this before, we're covering the base and we can kind of jump into the conversation from here?

Dane: 10:03

Or do you, um, is there more that needs to be said about, about this bonus anchor?

Mitch: 10:08

That's a great question. I think when we're so close to it, we can kind of sometimes lose the bigger picture or lose that beginner's mind, uh, even though that's exactly where we're at. We're still beginners. We're still uncovering and peeling back the layers of these things, um, for me, you know, it comes back to kind of the, I think a lot of this starts with like the language.

Mitch: 10:30

Going back to get to, it's a simple phrase that when we shift, even just our language in viewing things and saying things as a get to, I get to, you know, do the laundry, I get to go to work today, et cetera, versus I have to, uh, one, it kind of shines a light on the present reality, how it, what is actually so, and it can also help kind of shift how you're relating with that thing.

Mitch: 10:56

And obviously this is true for this manifesto or this, uh, This phrase as well. And I'd love to hear like, maybe just some examples. I think that would also help ground people in like, what does this look like, even just in the language? What we'll unpack what each of these means, uh, and the impact of them.

Mitch: 11:15

Uh, but what would this look like in, in practice?

Dane: 11:17

Yeah. Well, like, It's probably worth pausing, especially folks are listening to this episode in isolation from the other episodes of the season. Like, what is an anchor? What are we doing? How does this all fit in the equation? And where we started this conversation was really around this, this trifecta phenomenon of being a human being.

Dane: 11:37

And the first part of that, of course, is the drift or the, the, uh, Yeah. The currents of life that take us places accidentally, we don't, we don't have a lot of intention or agency with it. And whether it's, um, you know, you're at the beach and you're in the water and the current takes you to, like, further down the beach and you didn't intend on going there, um, As a metaphor, that's fine, but oftentimes it's, it's more grave in real life.

Dane: 12:04

So, um, my example with my son, you know, left to my unconscious devices, there's going to be conflict. There's going to be the sense of, um, a need for a different way of relating if I want a different kind of outcome, because the drift is going to take us to a certain place. Another example would be, you know, people who, um, used to be.

Dane: 12:28

Athletic in their lives, and they think that because they were athletic, they are athletic, but they They're not living in reality. Current reality is something has drifted and they, their lack of athleticism at like engaging in that as a practice has led to a place of they're more, um, sedentary and they're not, they don't actually move when they try to stretch right now.

Dane: 12:51

Like, when I woke up this morning and stretched, even from last night to this morning, I had the sense of, like, the drift happened overnight. My ankles hurt. My, um. Uh, my lats hurt when I'm stretching this kind of way and so on. And, uh, that's, that's good news to come up against that and realize like, uh, the drift is taking us places even ultimately, uh, to death, you know, people are dying.

Dane: 13:16

I'm dying. You're dying. We're all actively dying. And if that's so we don't forget a bad news from the doctor to recognize that the drift is taking us to that out outcome. And yet. We can live, we can swim against the current. We can live in the midst of this drift happening, but only when it's taken consciously and actively.

Dane: 13:37

Well, how do you do that? How do you engage consciously and actively, especially when not only is a drift happening, but whirlwinds are happening, storms, circumstances, you do get bad news from the doctor or get a fender bender or, uh, someone cut you off in traffic or, you know, bad, bad, Bad news from a client or you're under some cash flow constraints, or, um, you're in a serious upset with your spouse or partner or neighbor.

Dane: 14:06

And in all these contexts, um, these whirlwinds that are happening while the drift is happening, this temptation internally is like, I just want relief. I just want the easy way. Give me the cocktail. Give me the donut. Give me the, um, I'm just gonna go dark. I'm gonna ghost the person. That'll be the way that I'll navigate this thing by just not attending to it, pretending it's not there.

Dane: 14:33

La head in sand. Uh, and, uh, or, or whatever your. Avoidance mechanism. Your comfort of choices. Um, and comfort is so multifaceted. It's so clever. It's a, it's a chameleon. It, it, it comfort, um, cheap comfort, not true, authentic comfort that only comes in the back end. But the front end stuff where we just are looking for the easy way out, that is a perpetual temptation and the way we navigate with the way we swim against the current is, first of all, we tether ourselves to something that's more real.

Dane: 15:07

And these anchors are meant to be that exercise. So. Over the course of the series, we've talked about get to best versus have to choosing our role. Like, it's interesting how even the, the, the idea of being a victim to circumstance and going, Oh, it's just happening to me. I'm just throw your hands up. And like, this is just the way it is.

Dane: 15:27

Um, quick nod up until now. But anyways, you throw your hands up in the air. And, and that's a role you're picking and , it's comfortable cause then you're not on the hook to take responsibility for it. And of course, we went on from there. So, you know, get to choose your role, fueling first, as opposed to feeling last, uh, uh, what's the 4th 1, uh, fuel first travel light, uh, Prioritizing profit, uh, correcting course, playing infinite and standing now.

Dane: 15:56

These are our core anchors within our community. And this bonus of up until now, from now on, they're pithy little ideas that set the table for us to wake up and do something about it, to go against the natural drift, to go again, to walk into the storm. That seems like the thing you want to avoid to choose as Jerzy Gregorek says, the hard way to get the better way.

Dane: 16:17

Um, and that's what we're going for, uh, and, and this is the secret, the unlikely, um, path to the life we want. I think that humans want, but often humans don't choose because we're asleep and don't get after it. So that is the setup. This is what it is. And this notion of up until now and from now on is meant to, again, create significant contrast to whatever path you're on.

Dane: 16:46

You want to interrupt it somehow. And in a sense, it's a way to correct course. It's a, it's an instant way to correct course. And it's, I'm going the wrong direction. You stop, you draw a line in the sand, you say, well, regardless of my perceptions, how judgmental I am, how evil I am, let's just get extreme.

Dane: 17:03

Like just, you just really messed it up, up until now. Is there any hope of redemption? Well, what if there was? Would you want to know about it? And if there was, it probably begins with stopping what you're doing and drawing a line and saying, from now on, and then this is where the magic happens because it asks something of you.

Dane: 17:26

What do you want? What do you want that isn't so that could be so? And would you be willing to put words to it? So, which is why your question of, like, the examples and the words are so helpful, because what you're inviting the listeners into, this is no longer us talking to them, friends, as you're listening.

Dane: 17:45

This is you talking to yourself. We're just the narrators. And the conversation you're having with yourself about the things that are not right, and you know it, they're just in the wrong direction. And It's time to draw a line and consider something new. Even if that new feels unbearable, it feels horrible.

Dane: 18:07

It feels so uncomfortable. We want to stand with you and say, you actually have what it takes. If you can envision it and you can find that, that hinge virtue of courage, and just say the words out loud. What if like from now on, from now on, let's get curious from now on. Could I reach out to my son at 11:30 last night?

Dane: 18:31

And write him a text and say, hey, I missed the mark. I want to go again. Oh, and by the way, I could use some advice on something, which I hope is a setup for me to confess and also say, like, I actually need to listen more than I need to talk in our relationship. There's probably so much more for me to understand.

Dane: 18:48

That I think I know, but I probably don't, and even though it's, it's hard work for me to do that because of how I'm wired in the same way that it's hard work for him to put up with me, uh, that's the invitation. Could we still find a way to move forward? So that that's the example that comes to mind that I'm living with and playing with today.

Dane: 19:09

Um, but there's so many more examples. There's so many more. Um, and I, I'll pause there to make sure this is still making sense.

Mitch: 19:19

It certainly is, and I like that review too of, of all the anchors because they are so So integrated in integral and deepen each other. One of my favorite parts about this expression, you know, cause up and up until now comma from now on is like that.

Mitch: 19:38

This this expression itself almost creates that kind of fulcrum that that pivot point, you know, that acknowledging. Yes, this is reality. This is where I've come from. It's not suppressing or ignoring or, um, making up a new story about the past. It's like, yeah, this is current reality. And I do have an opportunity.

Mitch: 20:02

I have agency to influence, like, what, what is next? And specifically, you know, I was thinking about in our community, there can be a temptation with our, ourselves to focus on Especially those who found it very easy to be very self critical and harsh with ourselves in that first exercise to simply dwell on that.

Mitch: 20:22

And even in our path forward, instead of setting our eyes on the prize and seeing like, what is this end goal? What do I really want? It's so much easier and almost more comfortable and convenient because that's how we're, that's the patterns that we have up to this point of just focusing on like, where did I miss the mark?

Mitch: 20:42

Where did I miss the mark? Where am I? Where am I missing? And, and that's. There's no there's no hope in that there's there's utility in that to a certain point like you don't want to completely ignore reality But I think this this has that just beautiful tension like we we strive to have with ourselves and in the community of of Support and challenge and it's kind of captured in this this phrase, which I really appreciate. We've got people that maybe are prone to completely ignoring, dismissing.

Mitch: 21:14

I don't want to think about the past. I don't want to think about the future. I'm just supposed to be here in this moment. And then you have the people that are dwelling solely on the past or future tripping. How can this kind of like help to shift some of that and appropriately anchor us in the moment, but also.

Mitch: 21:33

Paint that picture for that preferred future.

Dane: 21:38

Yeah. I mean, I think you're right. There really are 2 kinds of people. Um, M. Scott Peck talks about this, uh, and a number of his works, uh, I think both in The Road Less Traveled and The People That Lie. People either take too much responsibility.

Dane: 21:54

Or not enough responsibility by default, um, and, uh, that's not the end of the story, right? That's the beginning of the story, but it's probably helpful for folks at home to recognize. They're probably in one of those 2 buckets where they, they're, they have a bias towards. It's all my fault all the time.

Dane: 22:11

Every time every where, um, or it's never my fault. It's always somebody else's fault. Uh, and, and the good news in this is like, again, it's not the end of the story. It's just the, it's the default start. And what if this pretend like humor us for a second, what if that was just, a default state that invites an expansion of perspective where you could still take a hundred percent responsibility for your reality, even though that's a default.

Dane: 22:41

Beginning first step. So if you have a bias towards taking too much responsibility, it's always everything is all on you. Um, the invitation is for you to expand your perspective and the from now on creative part that you're going to go up toward is, um, or go to move toward could be an exercise and going, well, what else could there be if there was something else besides my being the only person who's responsible here and everything is my fault. What else could there be? It could be that, there's a solution that is uniquely accessed by you because you have such a remarkable vantage point. Apparently you're responsible for everything. What if you were responsible for the solution? Uh, there could be some gold in those hills.

Dane: 23:20

And then on the other side, if you're responsible for nothing and everything's happening to you, um, I get that too as a default state. I think it's a very difficult state to start from, uh, because it, it, It kind of invites others to be fully responsible as opposed to you being responsible, but in the same way that it could be expansive from now on could be well, if there was something that I was responsible for, what I want to know about what I want to get curious about and, um, and to finish that sentence too.

Dane: 23:50

So, I think you're really wise to kind of begin that conversation there. Like, what is your default state? And view this is a creative, expansive exercise to see more than you're currently seeing. Especially if you feel really, really stuck in many ways. You use the word fulcrum. I love that word in this context of up until now and from now on, because it is a fulcrum moment.

Dane: 24:12

There's, there's this on the one side before you say up until now, it's just an exercise in honesty. It's subjective perspective on the nature of things. This is how you're experiencing life. Not right. Not wrong. Not good. Not bad. Just this is how you're experiencing it. Whether you feel a victim to it. Or you, uh, you feel like you've done everything you're, you're the reason everything's gone sideways.

Dane: 24:38

And, and then from now on, from, uh, from up until now, and then from now on, now you're moving from honest to hopeful and hopeful is this, this air in a stale room. It's this, you're, you're creating, you're opening a window to a bigger reality. Uh, literally, as I'm saying these words, I'm hearing like birds chirping outdoors and.

Dane: 25:03

Or a dog my dog luna barking like yes there's there's something else available and you actually participate in its creation it's not just discovery it's discovery and activity on your part even if it's feels fiction like make something up what could it be from now on if it could be anything if you could wave any magic wand what do you want what do you wish the best of the best could be.

Dane: 25:34

Right? And you might default to, again, your personality, where you're like, the best of the best would be, they would say I'm sorry, and they would come back to me, and they would tell me all the things, but resist the temptation to put it on others. Resist it. Consider the possibility that from now on, you get to do that.

Dane: 25:54

You get to be the one who does the thing that changes everything. And if you have that perspective, It's, it's kind of magical. It, it's, it's, it just flows very naturally. It actually doesn't even feel like effort. You just have to stop, start talking, start writing, whatever your mode of curious creativity is.

Dane: 26:20

Finish the sentence. This was so up until now, period. New sentence. From now on, keep that pencil on the paper until you can finish that sentence. Um, or say that out loud and tell me if you aren't on a road and by the way, if from now on includes things that make you want to, uh, throw up, that's probably the direction you want to go.

Dane: 26:47

Welcome to men and women of discomfort, because that is the exercise, because that is the way to the good life. That is the big surprise, this shocking revelation that the uncomfortable path is the path.

Mitch: 27:02

I'm so glad that we get to have these conversations because, you know, I've been doing M1 for a while now.

Mitch: 27:08

I don't know.

Mitch: 27:14

It's like just now striking me just how rich this is. And a lot of what we come back to is we do these things to want to acknowledge, but also to kind of cultivate this agency to recognize, like, we are the only ones that can do these things. And this just encapsulates it so well. Um, you've got the honesty component, the acknowledging reality, you have that fulcrum and then the, the kind of correcting course that, that moving forward.

Mitch: 27:42

But it, it's a charge, it's a, it's a call, call to like imagination and action and actually thinking through what you actually want. Like you, like you've been saying this whole time. Um, but I think not enough people do that. We think we do, but we're not, we don't spend enough time to actually think about what we What it is that we actually deeply truly want and not just as like a victim like oh It would be so nice if I had that but boohoo I can't or I'll wait till it happens to me, but acknowledge is like no we can affect this only we can really affect this.

Mitch: 28:24

Um, and so it's so empowering in that way. And I think this is the first time that, that, that kind of connection has really struck me. It's just like such a, such an appropriate bonus kind of like grounding anchor. Cause it's, it encapsulates pretty much everything that we're about. Um, and, and encapsulates that kind of fulcrum moment.

Mitch: 28:51

That like a lot of people find themselves in when they end up opting in to join MWOD or decide even outside of MWOD that no, okay, it's time to make some kind of change. Uh, and I think this offers that really helpful paradigm within these six words of how to begin to make that change and, and what it's going to take. Um, going beyond just the, the words themselves.

Mitch: 29:20

I mean, like, we've been doing this whole time. Why is this such an effective exercise or, or phrase when starting to plot a new course or starting to implement change?

Dane: 29:33

Well, it's a, it's the right question. There's a kind of a recognition in human kind that we know that change is inevitable.

Dane: 29:40

Some people resist change. Some people are change addicts. They're constantly changing. Uh, and after it, I'm probably more of the latter than the former. Although sometimes I can be passive and just want to change, but

Mitch: 29:50

your Spotify is default on shuffle and you never make it through 30 seconds of a song.

Dane: 29:54

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should see me try to pick a movie on, on Netflix, just trailer all day night. You know, it's ridiculous. Um, but yes, uh, I think on some level, really what we're talking about is the nature of change. Change can't happen without a fulcrum. Change can't happen without a pivot from and toward.

Dane: 30:16

And the reason this phrase is so elegant. It just, it does so much in such few words. I mean, it's locating a, a current, but soon to be historical reality juxtaposed against a future possibility that might not work. That you might find yourself right back into these six words again down the line, but here's what I know without question, and I don't think anyone can debate me on this, you without some version of these six words, the change you seek is going to be determined by something other than you.

Dane: 30:58

It's going to be determined by the drift. It's going to be determined by circumstances and whirlwinds that hit you in life. It's going to be determined by a world that's selling you frickin comfort as a solution to things that comfort can't solve for. The drift has never led to greatness. Ever.

Dane: 31:17

Sometimes storms Put you in a position where you do extraordinary things in response, but the storm forced the issue.

Dane: 31:24

Friends, this is agency defined. This is you deciding you're going to participate in this life and take action with it and do it in a way that's so uncommon. Everyone's going to look at you and think you're weird.

Dane: 31:36

Who does that? Who does the hard thing? Well, people who flourish do the hard thing, and that's the grand surprise. That's the, the shocker. Um, and, and why, uh, to your question, like, how did, this is how change works. You want to change? This is how it works. Define a historical reality or something that's about to be so, and then define a future plot point.

Dane: 32:02

You have two plot points on the map now. Up until now, from now on, you have no idea. How to get from point A to point B, and here we go. And you're now leading yourself forward to this plot point B in sputters and starts and failures and successes, hopefully not just alone, but in community. And when you do that, even in the fails, even in this like the go agains, there's progress.

Dane: 32:31

You're, you're, you've had the rep, you're moving closer, you get to go again. And there are no linear paths. It's, it's all jagged. Always, but it's shocking when you look back over the course of not just weeks or even months or quarters, but years, you start to see, Oh, wait, I, I'm making progress. I'm actually moving in a direction.

Dane: 32:54

That's still me still carrying me through this whole journey. Yet. I'm, I'm an active participant and I would, I would say to, and this is increasingly important to me to recognize. I'm an active participant, but I'm not the only participant. Like, this isn't just, like, rugged individualism, uh, and I'm gonna find my way above it.

Dane: 33:19

I, I'm living in a context that's much bigger than me. That is set the table for this to be even possible. And for me, that's my Lord. That's God. That's, that's a world that's been created by an almighty, all knowing, all powerful reality that, candidly, I, I know very little about, but I, I'm tuned in with increasingly as I have find the courage to participate.

Dane: 33:48

And what's shocking is this reality has been set up in such a way where I've been invited to participate. And that is, I'm like, like, what is this phenomenon that we're a part of? I get why it's so daunting. I get why people want to fall asleep and throw up their hands and plug into comfort, but they're missing life.

Dane: 34:11

They're, they're missing the very fabric of it because the fabric is so uncomfortable. It's like, it's, uh, it hurts to invent and to change. It's painful, but we can be strong in the midst of these things. This is why Nassim Tlaib. I think one of the reasons why he points to the phenomenon of anti fragility that, that is, that's actually available to us.

Dane: 34:37

We can't, we don't have to just be fragile. We don't even have to just be resistant. We can actually get stronger. We can actually wake up. And we can actually do it for things that are bigger than just us.

Mitch: 34:49

I was gonna ask As, as we wrap up this, this episode in the series, is there anything that you want to leave the listener with? Uh, and honestly, I think that was, that was more than I could have asked for, but I do still want to have that as a, as a question, like, do you have anything as they're considering?

Mitch: 35:13

Not just these anchors, but, but this, this conversation that they might be having with themselves of, I want to change, maybe even saying I need to change. I don't, I don't know if it's going to be worth the cost. Um, or I don't know if I have what it takes. Do you have any kind of final words as we wrap up this, this series and look towards, uh, this next Season.

Dane: 35:40

Well, I will say this. I'm really looking forward to the next season. Uh, and seasons there's

Mitch: 35:45

yes.

Dane: 35:46

Well, we have lined up. I, I am so genuinely excited by the different frames and approaches that we're going to bring to the show. To this conversation, and I think really fresh and unique ways that are going to speak to people very uniquely.

Dane: 36:02

So I really, I'm so grateful to have anyone who's with us to be along for this and be active participants to communicate with us on this stuff. I hope it's helpful. It's certainly helpful for me and it's, I'm grateful for it, but I want to be able to further. So please keep letting us know on that front.

Dane: 36:23

And, uh, you But I want to go to your question, and I, I didn't have this as an agenda item before we started today's conversation, but, and something that you raised that I think might be helpful,

Dane: 36:34

Way back at the beginning when me and my friend, Tim, this, what I'm going to discover, it wasn't even a thing, but we were just experimenting with ideas and, uh, Tim had this kind of bias that was very different from my bias. Tim's bias was if people don't like break the door down, begging to be a part of what we're doing, they shouldn't participate. They shouldn't participate. And, um, cause they, they actually won't want it bad enough and they, to get the goal, they need to want it bad enough. They need to be really dissatisfied with the status quo. And I think Tim is totally right. And Tim has a certain personality, uh, that for the Tim's of the world, And if you're a Tim of the world, and you know, you, you're just, you're just sick and tired and you, you're ready to fricking break a door down, break the door down, do whatever it takes.

Dane: 37:39

Um, but there's also another personality that you pointed to, which is more me than Tim. And that's the one where it's like, I kind of need a little help. Uh, I, I, I need an invitation. I need someone to say, um, Even though we, you know, we, we always say things like, it's probably not for you. Tim came up with that line.

Dane: 37:58

We also want to say this is for you and we want to be really direct about it. If you're still hanging in this conversation, tell me how it's not for you. Do you really want to just keep listening to it and not participate with it? Not actually get in the game, but sit safely and comfortably in the stands, listening to the game.

Dane: 38:20

It's way more fun in the game. Even though the game's uncomfortable and, uh, I invite that, uh, and one way to invite it. And again, not planned, we have this little, uh, this little two week course that I offer and we charge a hundred bucks for people to participate and it's two weeks, 10, 10 days, 10 weekdays with weekend work, where I basically send you a video, personal video, and you respond back personally.

Dane: 38:46

And we have a one to one conversation over the course of two weeks. And it was really cool how we leveraged technology to be able to do this, but it's really me. Having a real conversation with you about how you're navigating change in the, in the, in the light of this modality that we use at men and women of discomfort.

Dane: 39:03

There's no expectation that you'd ever join our community, but if you want, you can do it. And the way we normally do it is we charge a hundred bucks for the course. And then if you join the community, you get that a hundred bucks back because you get a free month of the course. Well, What I want to offer is anyone who's listening to this point in the video and you're that second person, not the Tim break the door down person, but you're more than me.

Dane: 39:24

Like I need a little help friend kind of person. I want to just say, uh, you get to do that a hundred dollar course for $1. So if you want to do that a hundred dollar course, a two week course for $1, all you need to do is send an email to hello at mwod. io. Hello@mwod. io. We're not, we have no landing page, no magical, easy, convenient, three easy steps, way to do it.

Dane: 39:50

It's just, if you email and you say, Dane said, I can get this for a buck, the two week course for a buck, that counts. And, our team will respond to you and, uh, we'll get you sorted. Uh, but that's the only way you get it. And if, and the irony is if you get it, It sets the table for the community. If that's what you want at this moment, it's just an invitation to, to take a step, to participate, to get engaged.

Dane: 40:18

And I really want people to consider it for others who are like, you know what? I just need to be in the community. I'm ready. Great. Go to MWOD. io forward slash apply. Apply, you know, it's time. Um, especially if you feel like, again, you want to barf, uh, if that's you, then perfect. Um, but come join the party, get in the arena.

Dane: 40:39

Uh, that's what I want to say, cause I, we're not lying when we say there's something shocking about this living into this, that, uh, you can't get from talking about it. You only

Dane: 40:53

get when you get into it.

Mitch: 40:56

So, your homework, ask yourself the question, Do I want this? Do I, am I at a point where I really want change and am I willing to put in the work to do it? And we've given you a first step and a, and a path forward. Um, now if you've already committed and, or maybe you are already living into this life, uh, and you want to keep digging in with these ideas, um, I encourage you.

Mitch: 41:23

While we're in between seasons right now, go back, listen to at least this season, go back to the beginning, uh, reach out, uh, if you've got, you know, like, conversations or things like, I really want to explore that more, like, we listen, send that same email, shoot us an email saying, hey, I want the, uh, I want the two week course.

Mitch: 41:43

And here's an idea or here's something that I'm up against. Um, yeah, we'd love to hear it because we've got, like Dane said, a lot of really exciting things planned that, you know, I know both of us are very excited about in the team. Um, So we'll be, we'll be releasing that, uh, in the coming weeks. Um, but during this, this gap between seasons, I encourage you, uh, keep digging in.

Mitch: 42:05

Don't, don't just sit satisfied with, with listening.

Dane: 42:11

Well, friend season two up until now from now on season three, I cannot wait. It's going to be fun, man.

Mitch: 42:17

I love it. Thanks, Dane.

Dane: 42:19

Thanks, Mitch.

Dane: 42:20

Men & Women Of Discomfort is our membership community and we are open to everyone but keep in mind our tagline is it's probably not for you if we're wrong about that or if you want to find out for yourself you can find us at mwod.io. The information and material that we're sharing both of this podcast or anything connected to men or women of discomfort or flying s incorporated it's all for general information purposes only. You should not rely on this material or information on this podcast as a basis for making any kind of decision.

Dane: 42:45

We do our best to keep everything up to date and correct, and we do a lot of due diligence, but the responsibility is on you to make sure that you're in sync with your own medical professionals that you wouldn't see what we're offering here as somehow a warranty or representation in any kind expressed or implied about this being complete, accurate, reliable, suitable, or comprehensive in any kind of way.

Dane: 42:58

It's critical you own your agency, which is at the heart of everything we do at Men & Women Of Discomfort, we invite you to take the input that we're offering and consider it for yourself. And if it's helpful, please do take advantage of it. But if you do, it's you who is taking the opportunity and we're assuming that you've done your due diligence with it.

Dane: 43:10

Thanks.