Bil Gardiner and Deana talk about his work with domestic violence as a police officer, the important advocacy around the documentary film, “Walking While Black, Love is the Answer”, and the incredible photography project Bil has developed around the MIKSANG method. Of course, we also talk about his love of riding his Harley!

Mentioned Resources:

https://trylovenow.com/

https://www.miksang.com/miksang/

https://www.facebook.com/williamgardinerphotography/ 

About the Guest: 

William ‘Bil’ Gardiner is a retired police officer, a photographer, a writer, a Harley Davidson fan and an advocate for many.

About Deana:

Deana Brown Mitchell is a driven, optimistic, and compassionate leader in all areas of her life.

As a bestselling author, speaker and award-winning entrepreneur, Deana vulnerably shares her experiences for the benefit of others. As a consultant/coach, she has a unique perspective on customizing a path forward for any situation. 

Currently President of Genius & Sanity, and known as “The Shower Genius”, she teaches her proprietary framework created from her own experiences of burnout and always putting herself last...  for entrepreneurs and leaders who want to continue or expand their business while taking better care of themselves and achieving the life of their dreams.

In 2022 Deana released the book, The Shower Genius, How Self-Care, Creativity & Sanity will Change Your Life Personally & Professionally.

Also, Deana is the Founder & Executive Director of The Realize Foundation. She is a suicide survivor herself, and vulnerably uses her own mental health journey to let others know there is hope. The Realize Foundation produces events and publishes books that let people know there are not alone.

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” Jeremiah 30:17

https://www.realizefoundation.org/

https://www.facebook.com/RealizeFoundation

https://www.instagram.com/realizefoundation/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-realize-foundation/

https://www.youtube.com/@realizefoundation5598

https://twitter.com/ScarstoStarsTM

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Deana Brown Mitchell: Hi, friends, it's Deana with the Realize Foundation. And I'm here today with Bil Gardner. And Bill wrote in our second book, and he has a great story for you to read if you want to get one of our books on Amazon. But I also want to catch up with Bill today because he's have been having a lot of cool stuff going on in his life. And I want to first talk about the Movie or Documentary you've been involved in and the cause, because it's a really awesome cause. And I would love for you to tell us about it.

Sure, sure. And thanks for having me here today. This is really cool. It's been a minute. So the name of the film is walking, while black Love is the answer. And it was spawned from an incident that happened in June of 2012, where the writer, director, producer of the film, AJ Lee was stopped in his neighborhood, which is a predominantly white neighborhood. He's a black man, and couldn't get the officer to articulate why he was being stopped. And after questioning him several times, he finally got the officer to say, well, we're stopping anyone who looks like they're not from this neighborhood. And that right there is racial profiling. So long story short, he ended up leaving that scene got confronted by other officers who backed away when he told them that he has lawyer on the phone that this was racial profiling. And for the next year and a half, he and his wife are harassed, pulled over stopped followed everywhere around town. So that was the impetus for him creating a immediate peace, which turned into the 90 minute film, walking while black love was the answer. And the organization just to give you an idea of what it's all about, love L O V E is an acronym for learn about the people in the community you serve, open your hearts, to their needs, volunteer to help them achieve those needs, and then empower other people to do the same. So in a nutshell, what that means is, we create events that the public and the local law enforcement agency can come to, especially the black and brown communities, because those are usually the ones with the most stress and strife between them the police department, but we set up events like you know, going to meet for coffee, building a garden together a community garden, painting a mural, we call a love mural, playing sports together. And it could be anything like let your imagination run wild. I mean, maybe there's a group out there that want to play Dungeons Dragons, who knows. But the idea is that if we do these events over and over and over again, and invite people just to get together and talk, and drink, and eat, and whatever else. And hopefully, at the end of these conversations, the police start to realize that, well, this person really is a human being, and I should treat them with a little more respect. And hopefully, that's the community person will say, Well, you know, this officer really isn't that big of ogre that I thought they were, maybe I'll give them a little bit of a break the next time they roll into my neighborhood. So it's designed to do that at the same time. And the film was created as a catalyst to get these conversations started. It's basically made up of Black Law Enforcement on and off the job versus say active or retired. We're using lingo here to convey some people might not understand that. Some clergy, social workers, and a few of the civilians, the majority of them black, talking about their experiences with law enforcement, on and off the job in public. And you know, when in the in the department, and some of the stories are really horrendous. And so the beginning of the film is a little difficult to watch, because if you know you're a person of color, it just conjures up all the different things that have happened to you, you've heard about have happened to your family, through generations that, you know, those stories are just passed down and ultimately leading to distrust of law enforcement. And which, by the way, if you really want to go back and look at this issue, it goes back 405 years back to the first time that slaves were brought, or I should say Africans were bought, brought on to this, this country, and were used as slaves. There were slave patrols that were created to protect the property of rich white landowners and business owners. And they are also used to go out and catch runaway slaves. And that was the impetus for law enforcement in this country. And unfortunately, because those Africans were vilified when they got here, you know, all kinds of stories about you know, they're evil, they'll rape your white daughter, they'll do this that and the other thing and And they're just not good people. And that has just lasted for 400 plus years. So you know, it's something that's been inbred in that culture. Oh, and by the way, I feel very comfortable saying this because I was a police officer for 10 years here in the city of Worcester. And I experienced just that 10 years, I was bullied. I was blackballed. I was passed over, I was named called up and just, every day, something going, just being in a hostile work environment. And it started in the police academy. Having, you know, getting into small arguments with classmates who said, you know, we can do this when No, You can't do that you have to follow this law, that law on the other law, you don't know what you're talking about. And then, of course, when the tests came back, I was always in the right. So by the time I got out in the street, I was labeled, and there were officers who already didn't want to work with me or treated me like crap, because I wouldn't bend the law, or I wouldn't step on people's civil rights. Yeah, so if when you get to the beginning of the film, and you watch these stories, it then transitions into, you know, opening your heart and later, admitting that there's a problem admitting that there's an issue. And then it transitions into apologizing for the behavior. And then from there reconciling with the apology, and then hopefully, going on together, as a team, as a family as a community that in the movie very, very well goes through those four different steps. And it's absolutely brilliant. There's also an accompanying book called titled Love is the answer. And it was initially, just like the film, predominantly black folks, some other white folks in and out of law enforcement, to tell their stories. And then there's a whole section on things you can do tomorrow, things you could do today for that matter, and the 25 things that you can do like going and sitting down and having coffee with a police officer or arranging to have an athletic event with a group of police officers, all kinds of things like that, that you could literally do tomorrow, or outlined in the book, and then it from there goes into really in depth into the love principles. And yeah, it's just an amazing book. And it's almost 400 pages. I literally read it in two and a half days. And I used to read a lot. And that fallen out over the years. And usually can't sit around sit long enough to read a book, certainly not, you know, 400 pages and two and a half days. And this book was so on point. Every other line I was reading was like I said that I thought that I could have written that, or would have written that. I just resonate, the book resonated with me, like you wouldn't believe and what I realized at the end of the book, after reading it, I saw immediately that the blueprint of love could be picked up off of law enforcement in black and brown communities and put on anything. So for example, I'm working with the city of Gardner, different spelling Qi, AR D ner. And Gardner Massachusetts, and I'm a member of their domestic violence task force. And the idea I thought about immediately when I was introduced to these folks and invited to become a member of their task force, because I was a domestic violence investigator when I was with the Worcester Police Department, was that victims or survivors of domestic violence are often very much misunderstood. You know, for when I was on the job, there were officers who would always say, why are we coming back here, again, we have to come back again, both of you are getting arrested, you know, which is one of the last things you want to say to a victim, because they'll never want to try to find help with law enforcement ever again. And all kinds of other things like that. They don't want to write a full report, they don't want to write an information filled report. You know, it's just like we came, we saw we left. And that's it. And that just won't help a victim or a survivor of domestic violence when they have to go to court. So there are all kinds of cool things that revolve around the victims, survivors of domestic violence not being listened to. And I thought immediately this would be a great opportunity for us to get survivors of domestic violence in a room with dispatchers, police officers, paramedics and firefighters who are always the first people on the scene to deal with a domestic incident depending on the I don't want to say leave out depending on the level of that particular incident. And you know that people get very jaded in those departments and you hear it all the time and you know, a little under the breath comments. And so, these survivors are definitely misunderstood. So it would be an amazing opportunity to get survivors in the room with these first responders and be able to talk about, you know, what is it like when you come to a domestic violence call? And you know, the other side can ask, well, what is it like when I arrive at your home or residence or whatever, as a police officer. So again, it's just it's made to have multiple activities that people could come to over and over again. And hopefully, in the end, people understand that, you know, there is something bigger than what I saw initially. And maybe we can take a better look at it. So that's pretty much the the organization in a nutshell, yeah. What questions might you have about what I've said so far? Well,

Deana Brown Mitchell: I really appreciate you sharing that bill, because I got to see the movie. And it is amazing. And I hope everyone will watch it because it is, it is eye opening for people who have never experienced what you're talking about. It's also just a really good, it's put together very well, I'm so excited, you're involved in that, because it's, it's such a good cause. And I think, you know, you and I, and James, and you and Keith have all talked about. And those of you listening, James and Keith have also written books, written in our books. And, um, Bill is the one who brought Keith to our skarsten stars books. So thank you. But I think all of us have talked about a little bit about this about, you know, when we did our last podcast, or one of the podcasts you and James and I did about the circle, like if you want to explain that this circle after there's a call, and how you all process it and talk, talk through it. As a team, you know, when you when you are called to something traumatic, you want to just touch on that briefly about what that what that is, you're there the me?

Sure, so in the case of domestic violence calls, and I was one of four officers, and a sergeant who actually created the Western Police Department's first domestic violence unit back in 9697. And what we would do, we have four quadrants in the city. So each one of us had a quadrant. And then on the half of the city, there are two quadrants. So we'd have two officers right together, we cover both quadrants, together, what would happen is, let's say we show up on duty at eight o'clock in the morning. So doing eight to four, we would run reports from 4pm, or actually from 8am, until 7:59am, the next day, capturing all of the domestic reports that are coded that way, and then be able to print them up and take a look at them. And we split them up amongst ourselves depending on the quadrants in the city. And then we would go out in pairs and literally reach out to these survivors of domestic abuse, and be able to, you know, advise them of their rights to oh nine a laws what the the case, not case law is the chapter and verse in the Mass General Laws that covers domestic violence, you know, tell them what their rights are, how they can obtain a restraining order. Now, the first restraining orders, usually a temporary, which can then be turned into a permanent, which will last up to a year, you know, they can have a domestic violence advocate from the district attorney's office accompany them, the minute they walk into the courthouse, so the minute they leave, and all kinds of other things, we actually created all kinds of little kinds of devices for to do the work. So if we had a victim who was in a very traumatic, very dangerous situation in the city of Worcester, we would reach out to the areas in Springfield or North Worcester County, and say, Do you guys have a bed? Do you folks have a bid that this person can stay at until they go to court, and then we would drive them out there, and then the other side would actually drive them back, so that we could get this person out of the community and they don't have to worry about facing their abuser, all kinds of things like that were created by the domestic violence unit. And it was, I tell you, it was just the most amazing unit, we had a really good supervisor, who was very laid back and just let us do our work. Let them know if you know when and if we needed help or support port from him. And we it was just a well oiled machine and we helped a lot of survivors of domestic violence. And I'm very proud of that work, probably more so than any other work I did in the department. Yeah, unfortunately that supervisor left and was replaced by a supervisor who didn't like me and I literally lasted another two months and he got me kicked out of the unit. Because I was allegedly insubordinate, and all these other things. When I was just doing the things that mark the original sergeant had let us do on a regular basis anyway. So, heaven forbid I question. So that ended of that career, but it was it was the most amazing six to nine months. And I'm just really proud of that work.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, I'm thankful that there are people like you in the world who can help with those things. Because you're right, that the victims of domestic violence, specifically have unique challenges that, you know, maybe other crimes don't see. Because they're, they're living in that atmosphere there. It's not just this one time occurrence, usually. So thank you for, for what you have done in that arena, as well.

Sure, sure.

Deana Brown Mitchell: So Bill, I want to talk about some positive stuff that's been happening in your life. And I'm just excited for you about I think it was, I think it was called an art installation that you got a scholarship or or you have to explain it, because I don't know how the right the right terms. But I know you did something that was really cool. And I want you to talk about it. Sure,

sure. Well, unfortunately, the arts in solution never came to fruition. So from there, and let me start by saying, I'm a photographer and a photographer my entire life. And when I opened up my first studio, it was really all about high end, senior and family portraits. So instead of just photographing a senior in front of a sky blue background with a six foot tall crown that says 2024, we would literally go to the senior and you know, go to their home, or go to their favorite spot, or go to their family farm or whatever, and be able to incorporate their uniforms, their instruments, their art supplies, their projects, they worked on with their parents, whatever it is that makes them them and incorporate that into the photography. So it was a really high end photography. And that was around 2002, that I started that officially and by 2012 2013, business wasn't really doing great. Around here, you have to be a name. Otherwise, people don't really want to spend the money on you if you're, you know, relatively unknown. And so and I'm not a business person, I'm a true artist, I don't like chasing money. And that's the last thing I want to do. So between the two, the business just never really took off. So in 2012, I was at a meeting actually, and I had my camera with me. And I saw on the floor, kind of like the sun is coming across me right now. It was coming through the windows of this old church and the windows and this church, I need to go look and find out exactly when it was. But I'm willing to bet that this church has been around since the early 1900s. So the glass that was made back then isn't like glass today. And over time, it starts to literally melt. And so there are ripples in the in the windows. And you could see that on the floor, the ripples in the light just showing. And I saw it and I'm like, that's a really cool photograph. And I took a picture of it, and decided on that day that you know what, I'm going to do this for a year, I called the project picture a day. And I would go out and photograph I had my camera with me 24 hours a day, wherever I went, I had my camera. So you know going out to meet somebody for lunch, going to a job, Kevin coffee, anything, I had my cameras with me or would just go someplace and just park the car walk and just keep shooting until I you know, figured I had what I needed. And I would post those on Facebook every day and did it for a full year. That was April 19 2012 to April 18 2013. And like a third of the way through the process. An artist friend reached out to me and she said, Have you ever heard of mixin? And I'm like mixing No, what is that? And so she said look it up. And I looked it up and mixing is a Tibetan word for contemplative i. And what that means as far as photography is concerned is that you don't go and look for the hole of an object. But you look for a detail within that hole within the within the hole of that object. And then photograph of that, and do it in a different way. Like do it you know, low in the ground or from high up as we all see from this vantage point. So do it from a different vantage point. Do it from the side, you know, which ordinarily people wouldn't necessarily look at and so it creates an object, a piece of art that you can't readily identify. So for the photographer, it's kind of a common thing where you now have to just take your time looking and looking and oh, there it is. Okay, let's modify it. And it takes a lot more time than the step shot shooter who just looks Oh, look at that click and then walks away. Conversely, when you have these images displayed, it now causes the viewer to also slow down because they can't immediately identify what it is. And so now they take a little more time standing and looking into an image. Something about it is familiar, but we're not quite Oh, I, and they all of a sudden realized what it is. And that's just really exciting. And now for the rest of the displays they're going through because they want to see what the next one is, and see if they can try to figure it out. And it just makes the experience so much better for the photographer, and the viewer. And so I shoot like that a lot now. And last year, I started a project where I would walk around the town. In fact, it happened to be Webster, Massachusetts, about 20 minutes south of here, where there's a Bookstore Cafe bookstore, that I hang out in quite frequently, and the owner has local artists display their work every 12 times a year, actually 11 times a year, a single artist gets to display their work. And then in February, it's right, it's happening right now. It's like a group show. So after being going to this place for 567 years, I finally said to Deb on the owner of booklovers gourmet that you know what I think I'm ready to have my own show. And she said certainly, and we picked a month and I started last spring into the summer, walking around the town of Webster with my camera everywhere I could think of where I could find some unique photography, and I would photograph these little pieces of holes. And long story short, I ended up with about 12 prints to hang up on the wall. And what we did was, we created a competition out of it to see if folks from the area could figure out where all these photos were taken. And it was just amazing the the positive reception to that and the people that were, you know, grabbed the list, and often would take pictures of each picture and then go out and then try to find them. And then they got to write down on a slip where they thought these were and we gave away a print to whoever had the most right guesses. And this one couple actually found pretty much all 12 of them. And there was and one their own their print, it was just really exciting. So just down the road from there, and actually was one of the subjects of my photo shoot was the Webster Public Library. And I knew that they had a rec room there and would do shows there. So I immediately went down there. And now that I had images that I could show, and say, hey, you know, I'd be interested in doing a show here. And we make that happen. And you know, after a few phone calls and emails, I have a show that is going to open up March 26. Going through April 29, starting next month, and I'll have few more images included with the original set. And they will be on display in the library and will again do the same kind of scavenger hunt that we did before. I'm just looking really looking forward to it because people really resonated with the work. And it was something that you know, was from their town, their home, and they could, you know, readily identify with things. So it's just got to be really exciting.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That is so cool. I knew I saw a post and some stuff about what you were doing. But I didn't understand the whole picture until you just said that. And I think the is it, it's mixing. Can you spell that for me?

Yes, it's MIKSANG. And it's, if people folks will look it up, there's actually a mixing organization foundation around photography, it's actually Oh, it's actually in Colorado. So um, they're probably the United States. Most. They're the most prevalent organization in the country for mixing. And they do courses and classes on it. And if you just go through their website, which will pop up as soon as you do a Google search on next thing, people can take a look at those images and see exactly what it is I'm talking about. And it's just amazing the things that you don't ordinarily think of all the time, that you look at one of these images and be like, Wow, I never would have thought of that. That's such a cool little detail.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That is cool. I've never heard that word but, you know, I would discover architecture. And so when you're reading books about architecture, there's similar things where they're they're giving you photos of D Hill parts of buildings and stuff that, in my mind is similar to what you're talking about. But I've seen some of your pictures and they're amazing. And so if you're watching this video, you guys need to go follow bill and see his photography. And he's also an incredible writer. He writes really cool stories. So, yeah, when you were when you were, and what you also might not know about him is he's a Harley fan. And so he rides his motorcycle, and he'll come back with all his pictures, and then he'll write a story about his trip he just went on. And it's just fascinating. So hopefully, other people are reading those posts and stories that you you put out in the world, because you're so good at that. Thank

You appreciate that. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, you know, jumping on the bike, maybe with a plan, maybe not. And just heading out from here West, because the western part of the state is so much less populated than the eastern side. And you just riding a motorcycle and heavy traffic all the time with crazy drivers is not fun. So always head out west, and then either end up in Connecticut, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire. Last year, no, two years ago, I actually did all six New England states plus New York in one day. And single one Yeah, and you know, stopping every once in a while taking a couple of photographs, making some notes on either hardcopy, or, you know, except in my head. And when I get back, I just sit down and I kind of start to begin a story of how the day started and what the weather was like, and the mood in the air was and the animals I saw along the way, and the people that stopped it actually said, Hi, when that doesn't usually happen in the city, you know, all just all kinds of things that happen when you're, when you're on in a motorcycle, and just, you know, you're that much closer to the world. The US motorcyclists like to say, not in a cage, which is a car, you know, you're you're more open to the world, and you're more open to the public. And it just makes for a really, really fun travels. And of course, the motorcycle community is absolutely brilliant, you know, for example, any motorcyclists that's riding down the road and sees a motorcycle off to the side of the road, will always slow down and stop and say, Hey, is everything okay? And then, uh, you either get one of these, or one of those. And if it's one of these, it's like, okay, cool, and take off. And if it's not, then you know, they always stop and see what they could do to help out. So it's a really, really beautiful community. And just the adventures you can have on a bike are just absolutely amazing. Because people will, if you pull up in a car, the average person won't stop and talk. But if you pull up on a motorcycle, you know, and sit, you know, go into Dunkin Donuts and get a coffee to come out and sit on the bike and people stop, you know, repeatedly and to start having conversations, and all of a sudden you start to meet real people who you ordinarily might not get to talk to. So it's just it's a really, really great adventure all the way around. Absolutely.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's awesome. Well, thank you for having this conversation with me today. Is there anything we didn't talk about that you want to share? No, not

That I can think of. Except maybe if you do a Google search on walking, while black Love is the answer. You can find access to the URL that explains the movie and gives you several options to view the film. If you go to try love now.com That is our website for Love is the answer. And they can actually look into getting the book and finding out what are all the things that love is the answer is doing throughout the United States, and maybe have this brought to their community. Although I'm based in Worcester, I reach out to people all across the country and work on getting this implemented in their communities. So anyone, anyone that sees this can actually check it out and see about having it brought to their community, especially if there are situations where their communities don't have the greatest relationship with their police departments. And that's the place to start. And after that, it's just up to our own imaginations of different things that we can support and bring to light

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, that's true. Thank you for the the link information. And I'll make sure that with this podcast, wherever it goes. I also want to just tell everybody, that we are starting our next scars to start book in July of 2024. And if you're interested in telling your story, you can go to our website, which is realized foundation.org and you can submit your information there and then I will reach out to you and we'll have conversation about it. But it's a really great way for us to get the stories out. Maybe bill might even want to write another chapter about this. Doc Monterey project he's been working on. But it's it's been really a great resource, not only for the people who are involved in it, but the people who get to read it. And the people who buy it and share it with other people who might need to know they're not alone. And I think it's it's just been a really awesome project. And on March 30, of 2024 is our fourth anniversary. Can you believe that? Wow. And so we're really excited. We're planning something. So look for something from us soon about what that's gonna look like, but we need to celebrate?

Sure. Yeah, no doubt. Now it's been, it's amazing because it started just after COVID hit. And so now that we're coming up on that four year anniversary, It's same with the book, which is absolutely brilliant. People should pick up one of the many different issues that we have right now and take a look and be able to read the stories of people who have had some kind of traumatic event. But they've rallied and come around the other side and are actually living much better lives when you know, that potentially, you know, broke down turn to drugs and alcohol, follow up committing suicide, things like that, and they didn't. So they're really, really inspirational stories, and everyone should check them out. Thanks, Phil.

Deana Brown Mitchell: I agree, I think, and I want to thank you, because you've been involved since our very first event. And those who showed up at our first virtual summit, I think it was a march of 2021. And he showed up, just jumped in and started helping me with tech stuff. So I really appreciate all your support and your involvement since the beginning, Bill.

Oh, you're very welcome. It was my pleasure. Well

Deana Brown Mitchell: Thanks again for having this conversation. And if you're watching, we hope to see you on the next edition. We put podcast out every Wednesday.