In Episode 4, Part 3 of 3 of Finding Your Balance: A Mental Health Podcast presented by Peace River Center and Southeastern University, Kirk and Tiffani share tools and resources to build resilience when facing trauma. Tune in to learn more!

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Thank you for joining us today for part three of our three part series on trauma.

I worked

tornadoes, I forget what year it was, Groundhog Day tornadoes just north of Polk

County in Lee County where the tornadoes swept through a particular area.

And I remember doing some canvassing work and reaching out to people and talking to

them about their experiences and helping them to start to process some of this

stuff. I remember the one neighborhood in particular,

I had asked, "So, what are your plans from here?" And one right after that,

"Oh, we're coming back because my neighbor's coming back." And they had the support

of each other. They all had a shared experience with this particular tornado too.

So they were able to say we're coming back together and that is a huge protective

factor and that goes way back to a lot of research,

bears it out that the social support, the social network that we create for

ourselves is a huge, huge protective factor for many things.

And since we're talking about trauma in particular, definitely around trauma. That

support system being there. For some folks, what I mean by being there doesn't

necessarily mean you have to sit there and talk to them about it, but just saying

I'm here. And just being present. - One of the things that you mentioned with the

law enforcement officers, that vicarious trauma is so real, right and I think there's

this like weird kind of like imbalance and like like teetering balance that you have

to maintain because you have to have that hyper vigilance to a degree with roles

like law enforcement and even with like crisis response counselors I know now I'm

more office -based but in early in my career the majority of my work was in the

community so when I was going to a home, you know, I don't know the people in

that house. And so I was trained, you walk in, you notice every door, you notice

every exit, you canvass, you know, your brain is constantly going because you're

constantly assessing for risk. Correct. And that is necessary, right?

Because it's your job to come home at the end of the day. It's your job to be

safe. It's your job. If you've got an intern with you or a co -worker that you're

responsible for, you know, you want to maintain the safety of all around you. And

that's not always the easiest job when there are variables outside of your control.

And so I think that you have to have that level of hypervigilance because you're

constantly aware and constantly reassessing. And that level of hypervigilance is not,

I think, as necessary in typical day day -to -day life, but it is necessary when you

were on the job and some of these first responder type roles. And I think the

difficulty sometimes is, well, how do I turn that off? When do I turn it off?

And also, balancing that emotional decompression that needs to happen,

I know as a provider, your head gets very, very full. My head gets very,

very full because all day long from the start of my day to the end of my day,

I'm dealing with trauma and I'm dealing with crisis and Kirk, this is my dream job,

right? Every day I wake up and I'm so grateful and I'm so blessed abundantly to do

what I do. Literally, I have secretly convinced my supervisors to let me do

something I would do for free, right? So There are no complaints here when you get

to do your dream. Now that said, there is also the acknowledgement that sometimes

dreams are hard and sometimes jobs are hard. And even me, I have to create

safeguards to have that decompression time because my world doesn't end at five o

'clock or at six or seven or eight or nine because I go home to a family. I go

home to children who count on me to be their support system. And if at the end of

the day I've given all that I have and there's none left, what am I doing Kirk,

right? - Right, right. - And so I can vividly remember early in my career when I

had like young, young kids, I would give everything, right, at work,

everything. And I would maximize my productivity. I'm talking about even on for work

on, you know, getting those calls in because it's up to me to save the galaxy,

right? You know, no one can do it like I can do it. And then I remember thinking,

you know, I would pull into the driveway and I would think, oh my gosh, I do not

have the energy to get out of this car. I do not have the energy to open my door

and go inside my house and solve one more problem or have one more conversation Or

have one more redundant, you know Problem that I have to deal with and then I

thought to myself. What am I doing? All right, because you know every day starts

again, and if this is going to be my routine I am NOT going to be capable of

Staying in this job, right? So you have to have safeguards, so I think it would be

helpful for our listeners and for of viewers, you know, just how do you create

these safeguards because life is hard and some of our life is absolutely under our

control and most of it is not. So if you are someone listening and you're

experiencing some of these trauma symptoms, you know, obviously there's always support,

you know, there's always, you know, our Peace River Center crisis line number, 8 -6 -3

-5 -1 -9 -3 -7 -4 -4, there's always, you know, access to care, you can reach out and

get supports. But what are some things that we can do ourselves to create some

safeguards? So going off of what you said before, Tiffani, yeah, there is a,

I tell people when I talk about trauma is we're all walking around with our

emotional trash cans. And we have an experience and we can crumple that up and

throw it into our trash can. And most people continue to do that and we'll address

it later, we'll empty it later. Some people do empty it out and have a support

system so they can empty their emotional trash can or they stuff it down, you know,

you stuff it down with your foot and then it kind of lingers there more but you

got a little more room and you take on some more stuff. Well eventually what's

going to happen, that trash can is going to get full and it may even start to

overflow and it does start to permeate in other areas of your life. And so,

yeah, we talked about vicarious trauma, listening for those in the counseling field,

listening to other people's experience with trauma, time and time and time again, we

become impacted by that because our emotional trash can starts to get full. Well,

their trauma becomes our trauma, right? Exactly, exactly. And again, our trash can is

full. So you've got to have some mechanism to empty it out. And what I like to

tell people who aren't in the field is that, okay, ever clean out a really dirty

trash can and you've kept stuff down at the bottom and it's like, right? As you

clean it out. I said, that's therapy. That's what therapy does. It helps clean up

that emotional trash can so you can have room to live life again.

So what are those things that you can do? Well, first of all, having an excellent

support system.

I can't do crisis work for a long period of time if you don't have some sort of

support system. And like you, I had that experience, I was going to save the world

and I worked long hours, go home exhausted, and so exhausted that my poor wife,

I've been married to my wife 34 years and she's been a support through the entire

thing. She's a champ.

So she's experienced the loss of some of that connectedness through the early parts

of my career where I wasn't, didn't have the energy. You get home and I can't do

anything. Can't do dishes, can't Taking can't take out the trash trash, you know

that kind of thing so

So yeah, you've got to have other other areas for which you can start to release

some of that other colleagues that you talked to you and I talked to each other

constantly So we were helping each other out and in that process because we can

talk about the field itself because you're in it, I'm in it. My wife is not in

it. She's an accountant, so that's completely different from the work. So and

sometimes I do release and talk with her about some stuff, gotta be careful, can

get into too much detail, but emotional impact on me, we can talk about.

I've got other colleagues out there that I touch base with, I've got a network, a

social support network, which people need to develop,

and as you are breaking into your college life, that's what you want to do is

start to look for those individuals you trust to share some things with,

you know, and be open with it. A really good friend can help that process along.

And of course, if you don't have that friend, there's professional help out there.

You mentioned our crisis line, 519 -3744 here locally. There's the 988,

which is a national hotline that folks can use. But those things and those other

mechanisms are out there as well. Because people worry about overburdening their

friends. Well, you have multiple friends that you try to connect with. Taking

moments, it's okay to take moments for yourself. I think people feel that it's got

to do, do, do for others and it's really selfish to do something for myself. No,

not really, it's you've got to be able to do something for yourself to empty out

that emotional trash can. Do something different when I do talk with law might as

well do something outside of the cop world, you know, which is a challenge because

they really have some constraints and the kinds of relationships they can have.

But don't go out with, because if you go out with other counselors or other people

that work in your profession, you end up talking about work and work -related stuff.

So try to get into other hobbies and things that, you know, it isn't really

connected to the work you do. I love to read. That's one of the things that I do.

The other big thing that I do is I'm a gamer. Hey gamers, I am a gamer.

I get out there and play with various video games and things like that. It's a

different world. I can escape and I enjoy going to the movies and movies that are

a big thing in my life as a way to escape. And I also love the art of cinema

and all of that too. That's a conversation for another day. So don't laugh at this.

I've realized over the years, the things that you're good at and your coping skills,

they don't necessarily have to be something that you're excellent in, just things you

enjoy to do.

But going back, in previous podcasts, We've talked about the connection between mental

health and mental illness and you know physical health and physical illness and how

that kind of like You know crosses over and a lot of it is intertwined You know a

lot of how we take care of our physical body affects how our mental health is

right and so not skipping lunch You're right eating eating lunch.

I'm the worst about eating breakfast because I feel like coffee should be considered,

you know, every meal, but I definitely know I feel better whenever I take a lunch

break. And I think that, you know, we're in such a productivity driven society where

like, no, you know, work through it or, you know, do a working lunch or do this

or that and you have to carve out time to reset. And my brain is clearer and my

emotions are more balanced, I'm less reactive and more responsive whenever I eat

lunch, which sounds like, well, why would I even have to say this out loud? But

how many of us are guilty of like, oh, no, let me just do one more thing, one

more thing. And then before you know it, it's the end of the day and you haven't

stopped. You know, going to the restroom, getting up and moving, sometimes if I'm

feeling especially like, you know, And I've got to respond to an email or I've got

to deal with an issue, I'll press pause and I'll get up and I'll walk around.

Maybe I'll step outside for a moment, maybe I'll go downstairs. And I think just

the act of moving your body creates endorphins. It does.

Right? And what's interesting to me is that And that moment, if I was going to be

reactive, even if I'm like justified in all the things, the end of that situation

would not be pleasant, right? You know, someone, you know, a bridge is going to be

burnt or a relationship is going to be detrimentally affected just because of my

approach. And if I just take a moment and go have a snack or go walk around and

then come back I'm in a better headspace and I can be responsive and when you

think about what is the difference in being reactive versus being responsive or these

just semantics or these just more buzzwords in my opinion I think the difference is

when there's a situation or you know an obstacle if I'm reactive to it I'm making

what you did about how it affects me how I'm inconvenienced or how you messed up

my day and if I'm being responsive I'm making whatever the situation is like about

how I can help you solve it and so what I what I hope and what I try to do as

a mother as a supervisor when when my staff or when my children come to me with a

problem I hope that my response is never what did you do because any time that is

the response Immediately there's a fight -fighter freeze and the defensiveness and

nothing, right? But then if my response is tell me what happened How could I help

now sometimes, you know, there has to be accountability, right? You know, we want to

equip without enabling but also My hope is that we would always be solution focused

and I think that is just a small way that I can help, you know Come to a

situation and rather than maybe push trauma triggers in someone where I might not

even know they've experienced trauma because you don't know what other people have

experienced, I can create an atmosphere and an opportunity that brings peace and

brings restoration by even my approach. You know what I mean? Right. And I think

you're spot on with saying the difference between responding and reacting.

Reacting you're not really thinking through, it's more of an emotional kind of thing

as opposed to responding it's thought through and it still can be emotionally charged

but but it's you know there's a little more substance to a response than there is

to a reaction if that makes sense.

So yeah that's pretty key on how we stress certain things.

And you were talking about hypervigilance before. I know that I've experienced this

myself, you know, when you do have that emotionally charged state, that

hypervigilance, if you will, sometimes only the negative seems to stand out,

right? Right. You know, if you're in a situation and someone, you know, gets on

your nerves or someone's done something to you, and sometimes, you know,

it's that all or nothing thinking, "You always do this. You're never going to

change. It's never going to get better." And I think sometimes that all or nothing

thinking, that catastrophic thinking, can really fuel a very unhealthy cognitive

triangle to where we say things we don't mean, or we do actions and behaviors that

we would never have done or said, you know, if We were in a state of regulation

and if we do have a trauma history, if we have had unhealthy relationships or not

the best role model, it just fuels it. And there has to be a point where we

decide, okay, I'm going to break this toxic cycle. I'm not going to allow myself to

live in a state to where I'm constantly at the mercy of whatever the next crisis

is. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And you mentioned something earlier too,

one of the buzzwords that a lot of people say is trauma -informed.

Trauma -informed is kind of, we're sharing information with you about what trauma is,

how people kind of react and we're not getting into the finer details. But being

aware of somebody's reaction or their behavior in front of you at that moment in

time might be a result of trauma and how do we tactfully and sensitively approach

that? Is there something that I'm doing that might be sparking off a memory that is

traumatic for that person and therefore this is a behavior I'm getting? So when we

say trauma-informed, it's Being aware of how all of that impacts us,

all of us, and how we respond to each other in kind.

So being aware of, "Hey, this person might have gone through something really bad

and this is why they're reacting in a particular way. How can I help solve that

for them? How can I help soften that blow?" What we mean by trauma -informed,

because I've heard it in our industry, people say, "Oh, we provide trauma -informed

services," often questions, "What exactly do you mean by that? Do you mean what it

really is and everybody's aware?"

Even at Peace River Center, we've got some things that we have to do in some of

the program's crisis stabilization unit being one of them, that's, yeah, that's there

to be helpful, but there are things that happen there that, you know, can cause

more reactions based on trauma because of the work that needs to be done,

unfortunately, in those settings. And one of my roles at Peace River is I actually

train all of our new hire staff and interns on trauma -informed care from a training

that you actually developed. So thanks for that. Oh, you're It's not training, by

the way. And one of the big takeaways is because, you know, there's so many,

as you're doing the training, you could take copious amounts of notes, but, you

know, the takeaway, I think, from that training is we all come to the table, you

know, who we are with trauma. And if we're coming to the table as professionals

with, you know, like you said, the trash can of trauma, if you will, how can we

expect that people we serve have not also walked through similar things, if not more

severe things. And so coming to work, coming to the table, understanding, we've all

gone through things. We all, we all have things, right? And so how can I, how can

I create a space for you where you can heal? And I'm not going to be part of the

problem. I'm going to be part of the solution. And that's by being consistent and

competent and compassionate. And I think that's the big takeaway of understanding

trauma influences who we are, but it doesn't have to control who we are. Right,

exactly, exactly. And that's the hope with any therapy that we do,

you know, that it doesn't control you, you control it. Right. Cool.

And so, you know, as you're breaking off from your family,

your safe bubble, if you will, and going into adulthood, going into college,

going forward with life, there's going to be many, many things,

many obstacles that get in your way. There will be some things that will help you

to grow and be a better person. And sometimes that stuff stings,

it hurts. And just know that there are folks out there that can be a support to

you that are there to help, whether it's a close friend or whether it's the

professional agencies that are out there to assist you. Reach out and find your

resources in your college community, your local community,

whatever might be available. Check on the college campus check and see if there is

a counseling center that and what their availability is and how they can Assist you

in your times of need just to spout off on something, you know, how available are

they? What are the the the community resources the larger community that the the

campus is in? What is the resources that are available like here, southeastern and

other colleges in the area, have access to our crisis line at Peace River Center,

21:46

Then let's go even bigger now and for those listeners who are from other areas,

there's 988, which is a national hotline number that folks can tap into and speak

to somebody who can help guide them and maybe even guide them back to some local

resources that you're not aware of. Most people don't understand what Peace River

Center does locally because they don't have, they've never had a gateway opportunity

to come in here. Good, you know, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but people

only view Peace River Center based on the gates that they come through. Some people

only see it as a crisis stabilization unit. some people only see it as our victim

services program, some people only see it as our outpatient services, but there's a

whole bunch of services that are available and getting to know those services through

reaching out and calling folks on the hotline. So hopefully this information was

useful, give you some, at the very least, give you some food for thought and think

through how things are going for you in your life and we appreciate you joining us.

Thank you. Thank you for joining us today. If you like the show please like and

subscribe and if you or somebody you know is struggling with issues regarding trauma,

here in Central Florida you can call us at 863 -519 -3744 or on a national level

you can dial 988.