The Hidden Cost of Professionalism: Embracing Authenticity as a Professional Speaker

Summary

In this episode of Present Influence, John Ball explores how some concepts of professionalism can hinder the effectiveness of professional speakers. He delves into the importance of authenticity and individuality, explaining how holding back personal stories and characteristics can limit one's impact. Drawing on recent experiences, including a storytelling event and interviews with guests like Judy Carter and Danny Brassell, John shares a personal revelation about embracing his identity and the importance of being unapologetic for who you are. He encourages listeners to step away from commonly accepted professional archetypes and engage more deeply and authentically with their audiences.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: The Hidden Pitfalls of Professionalism

00:56 Breaking the Mould: Embracing Individuality in Corporate Settings

02:48 Personal Revelations: The Power of Vulnerability

08:07 Owning Your Story: The Importance of Authenticity

18:17 Conclusion: Embrace Your Full Self

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In this episode, I want to share with you how professionalism

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is getting in the way sometimes

for professional speakers.

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You might be wondering how

that could even be possible.

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Surely we should all aim to be

professional and have lots of

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professionalism, but there are

times when it's working against you.

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And this episode, I'm gonna explain

why that is and how it's affecting you.

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Also, we're gonna have a little bit of a

dive deeper into some of the themes that

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have been coming up on recent episodes

that's the storytelling episode last week.

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And our previous episode

with Danny Brassell.

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So stay tuned.

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If you are a professional

speaker or communicator, you

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will not want to miss this.

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Welcome to Present Influence, the

show for professional communicators

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who want to impact, influence,

and inspire with their talks.

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My name's John Ball, and I'm your

guide on this journey to mastery

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level communication skills.

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one of the things that I end up

very often working with clients on

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is helping them step out of this

professional speaking, standard style

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type, or PSSST for short if you like.

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And one of the reasons for that is we

think we're supposed to be a certain way.

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We feel like in corporate

environments particularly, we

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should look and sound a certain way.

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We probably want to bury certain

aspects of our individualism

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and character so that we fit.

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In or look like a corporate

speaker and presenter, and that's

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not just in those environments.

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It can happen in numerous places as well.

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In fact, it can happen in various

different parts of your life and it's

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gonna keep you small and it's gonna

hold you back from progressing to a

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level that you really want to get to.

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So if you're attached to beliefs that

in the corporate world, you have to show

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up with a particular style, you're not

supposed to be too charismatic or funny.

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You have to temper the

emotion of your talks.

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You need to deliver lots of

information and you need to

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look a particular way as well.

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You may be heading yourself on a track

that's gonna be hard to get off, and

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it's gonna be one that causes you to

blend in with pretty much everyone else

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out there who's doing the same thing.

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You are never really

gonna stand out unless.

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You lean into the more individual

elements of who you are as a person.

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And I think there's, a part of us that

generally believes we are not supposed

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to do that in the business world.

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In fact, there are times where we

leave parts of ourselves behind because

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we feel it might be inappropriate.

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We're afraid of what other people might

think of us, or we think we might actually

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make other people uncomfortable even.

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Now, something that's interesting

to me is when I recorded my episode

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with the amazing Judy Carter, she's

the comedy coach when it comes to

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teaching people how to be funnier.

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She said something about how people.

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And I don't remember if this is in the

episode or if this is in our private

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conversation, but she said something

about how people tend to coach or

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teach what they most need to learn.

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And I agreed and thought, well, I

think some of the stuff that I'm

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doing, particularly around helping

people step out of that professionalism

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style that is often holding them

back as a speaker is not really

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something I need to learn for myself.

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And then I did this storytelling

event recently, and again, if

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you watch the episode a few weeks

back, you'll have seen the story.

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You'll have seen the breakdown.

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One of the things that came from that,

which I didn't expect has been, it's

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been a great revelation of awareness

and potentially a breakthrough I

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think as well for me, that I didn't

even know that I needed to have.

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Which was that I have generally avoided

talking publicly about my personal life.

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Now.

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I'm not the kind of person who's ever

going to start get on the stage and

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discuss intimate details of my sex life.

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That's just never going to happen.

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I wouldn't even do that with my

friends, let alone with the public.

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And even when I'm doing

standup, I would never do that.

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It 'cause that makes me too uncomfortable.

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But there are aspects of my life

that I've tended to leave out or

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lessen or brush past and maybe even

be neutral about because I've been

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overly concerned that it might,

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piss people off.

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It might make some people uncomfortable.

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It might reduce opportunities

for me in the future.

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And I have been in situations where

people who haven't realised that

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I'm gay have made inappropriate

comments or jokes around me.

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And them being very surprised

to find out that I was gay.

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And obviously say I don't really

feel that's very appropriate.

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I don't really make a big deal of it.

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I don't think that helps.

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But I do want to create a learning moment

in those situations where I can, without

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trying to make the people feel too bad

about it, I don't want 'em to crawl

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under a rock, but I do want them to have

an awareness of how inappropriate that

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is it is probably not a good idea to

assume that everybody is the same as you.

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So I always hope that I can lead

those situations a bit better, but

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it does also indicate that I'm very

low key about my own sexuality and my

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relationship and those sorts of things,

that I don't bring them up very much.

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I'm not, not keeping secrets, but I don't,

I think there is something inside me

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that feels, I don't wanna be too public.

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I don't wanna be too exposed or too

in your face about these things.

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Even just mentioning that you are

gay or married to a man or whatever.

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Some people are, oh, you're in my face.

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You're forcing, you are forcing

your gayness down my throat.

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Like I'm not gonna force

anything down your throat.

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'cause that would be highly inappropriate.

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But there are people who are like that.

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And that often ends up because some

people have such aggressive responses

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sometimes to who other people are or

to people even showing up as being so

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different to them that people can have

very strong reactions and responses

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that can be sometimes intimidating.

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And certainly can end up creating a

hostile environment where you don't

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feel comfortable, where you don't have

psychological safety to that degree, to

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feel that you can fully be who you are.

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And I'd say a lot of my life, even though

I've worked in jobs that traditionally

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have been very welcoming and accepting

of gay and queer people generally.

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Still, sometimes you find yourself

in environments, especially

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where you don't know how people

are gonna react and respond.

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That where you end up treading

carefully, you have to be a little

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bit extra aware of yourself.

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And you do want to feel a level of

safety before you allow yourself to

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be completely open about who you are.

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An example of this would be a company

that I worked with recently and when

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I joined the company I knew that

probably most if not all of the people

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in that company were very religious.

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They were all, not all necessarily

evangelical Christians, but they were all.

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Christians, and they were all very public

about that there were some exceptions as

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it turned out, but even then, those people

felt a little uncomfortable talking about

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themselves not being that because of that

religious environment in that company.

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And as such, I didn't know if it

was gonna be received, not just

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as someone who doesn't have.

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Religious or particularly spiritual

beliefs, but also as someone who has a

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different sexuality to what they might

consider the norm or the biblical.

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Right.

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Sexuality, it ended up that it

wasn't really an issue at all.

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In fact, I would probably say

my lack of religion was probably

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a bigger issue in that company.

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I feel, I don't know for sure,

but I think it was a bit of an

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issue with certain people there.

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But it just goes to show you that

there were gonna be times where you

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may end up being discriminated against

in some way because of who you are.

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You may end up getting hostile reactions

because you own who you are and because

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you're honest about that and not

sharing those talks and experiences

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is diminishing yourself for starters,

making yourself feel like you can't

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be fully open and honest because,

everything in your life and everything

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about who you are goes towards part

of your character and your charisma.

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It's the things that make

you who you are today.

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And if we diminish those, we are saying

that we were essentially making ourselves

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less important or less valid than the

people who perhaps fit the norms and feel

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more comfortable to be fully upfront.

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And yet, everybody has secrets.

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Everybody has secret shames

and all these kinds of things.

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Many of which we'll probably never

find out, but everybody has something.

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To, to me, there was a lesson in the

storytelling about what I actually

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got up on stage and talked about.

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I was talking about coming out as gay.

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I was talking about some of the

reactions I had from that were

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bad experiences as well as some of

the good and the relationship with

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my family and things like that.

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And it felt really good

to own that and to be.

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Public with it and definitely felt good

to have that well received as well and

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not be concerned with whether it was

making people around me uncomfortable

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or whether some people may have

thought less of me because of it.

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It was much more unapologetic, like

I'm refusing to apologize for who I am.

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I'm not trying to be professional.

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And I'm not gonna I'm not trying

to cut off a part of my life from

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my speaking and from my podcasting

and from my coaching work because

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some people might not like it.

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Some people might be uncomfortable,

some people may not approve.

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So what?

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Those are not my people.

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That's the reality of it.

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And maybe there are some learnable

moments that could come up with them.

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Maybe not.

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Maybe it is something that's gonna

cut me off from certain opportunities.

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But do I want those opportunities

if I'm having to limit myself and

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who I can be in those environments.

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I'm starting to find that more and more

unacceptable and I didn't realize how

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much I needed to learn that lesson for

myself to step outta the trying to portray

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this public image of professionalism

, realizing that this thing that I am, I.

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Teaching other people.

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I hadn't, fully learned

that lesson myself.

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I'm still learning it.

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I'm still figuring stuff out and yes, I am

someone who is helping to coach people on

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something that I need to work on as well,

that I'm getting better at gradually.

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And about owning the fullness of who

I am and being unapologetic of it.

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So this doesn't mean that I need to ram

content about myself and my sexuality

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into every single talk or anything that

I do, but being unafraid to mention

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that I have a husband as casually

as a straight person might mention

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that they have a husband or wife.

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Why should I be afraid to mention that?

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Just because some people

might go, Ooh or who cares?

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Who cares?

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If people are shocked, let them be.

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Because we may convince ourselves

that those aspects of us are

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unimportant, but they're not.

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They are a part of you.

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They inform who you are.

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They inform the decisions you make.

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And we are also potentially

cutting people off from the

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ability to really know who we are.

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And I think many people do this.

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This isn't just something that

exists for LGBT+ plus people.

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This is something that is very common of

keeping significant aspects of ourselves

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back for fear of negative judgment.

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Because none of us really

want to be negatively judged.

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And so we tell ourselves that those

aspects of ourselves aren't so important.

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We focus on our professional image,

we focus on the thing we want to put

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out there into the world, but we lose

part of our authenticity in doing that.

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We become that little bit more generic.

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We deny something that is

actually a really core aspect of

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our character that, if we were.

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Doing standup, you would want to

talk about those things because it's

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important to who you are and it's

part of your lens as a comedian.

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And we all have a lens in life and we

all have a lens that we look our lives

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through, and that is the lens of our

personality as it is at the moment.

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Personality can change

over time, for sure.

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And we change and develop

over time and so does the lens

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with which we view the world.

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But.

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When we are limiting how we show up

in particular situations, there is a

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part of us that's telling ourselves

we're not good enough or we're not

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acceptable enough to be able to be

fully open and honest about who we are.

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And yes, there may not be the

full psychological safety that we

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would hope to have in all of those

situations, but there comes a time

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where we really have to decide,

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am I gonna be fully myself or am I just

gonna be partly myself and hide the

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bits of myself that I've determined

as being worthy of being hidden away?

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For whatever reason.

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And that sometimes that

can be a sense of humor.

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Maybe you have a bit of a

dark, sarcastic sense of humor.

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But when it's worked and honed in the

right way, it could be a real asset for

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you for making some dry, witty comments

in a talk or a presentation that may

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not hit with everybody, but it could get

you a few laughs or chuckles or maybe

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it would be end up being a big hit.

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This idea that we can't really be humorous

in professional presentations is crazy

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because it's such an important thing.

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This is a thing that's come up again

and again recently on the show.

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And for me with Judy Carter, with Danny

Brassell and in the storytelling work

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I've been doing as well, the world

is already full of sad stories now.

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The, a lot, so much horrible stuff is

going on in the world right now, that

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if we can be someone who's putting a bit

of lightness into that and making things

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engaging and entertaining, people are

really gonna remember that for starters.

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They're also gonna respect it to some

degree, and they're gonna feel like they

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know you a bit better because of it.

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Because we tend to trust

people who can make us laugh.

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We tend to trust people when we know

a bit more about them personally.

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So this is one of the reasons why.

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Telling as Danny Brassell was talking

about in the last episode, telling your

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more vulnerable stories, telling a story

about a time when you failed at something,

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but you learned from it and you developed

and grew from, it can be really powerful,

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but people can connect to that much more

than they could ever connect to a story

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of you winning five Olympic medals.

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Or scaling the Matterhorn or Mount

Everest, something like that.

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Most of us have never done those

things and we can't relate to that.

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And that therefore makes your stories to

some degree, if those are your stories.

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They're very still valuable, but they

are less relatable than the stuff that

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is more commonplace, that we can more

relate to an argument with a family

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member that ended up being resolved

and lessons learned from it is much

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more relatable or those kinds of more

mundane stories, which is where most of

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our life lessons tend to happen anyway.

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More commonly shared experiences

and often more valuable for the

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stories that we tell from stage.

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A big lesson for me recently from

so many episodes I've been doing and

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from so many experiences that I've

been having has been about being

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fully unapologetic for who I am.

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Not being embarrassed about my story,

not lessening my own history, my

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life experiences, my sexuality, my

relationship, or any aspect of my life

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for fear that some other people may think

less of me for it, for some opportunities

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may not come my way because of it.

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And some people might feel uncomfortable.

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I have to say, I'm not setting out to

try and make anybody feel uncomfortable.

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I'm not trying to cause pain or anguish

or confrontation in any situation, but.

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That isn't best created by keeping

myself small and hiding my life and

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my light away from other people.

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It is time to shine brightly as

a person and as a professional.

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And this is why I want you also,

if you find yourself relating

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to any of this on any level.

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I want you also to step out

of professionalism and focus

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on being a person, be you.

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Be fully you.

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Own yourself.

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Own your flaws.

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Own the stuff about yourself that people

will like and accept yourself for it.

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And don't be embarrassed about it.

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We may all have aspects of our

lives or things we've done that we

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would never want to share publicly,

and I'm not talking about that.

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I'm talking about the aspects of you

that make you who you are, your unique

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lens on the world, your personality,

your life history that has led you

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to becoming the person that you

are today should never be lessened

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because some people might not like it.

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Own it.

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Be unapologetic for who you are.

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Own your full character and charisma

as it is, and if there are aspects

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of that you don't like, work on them.

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Improve them, make them

better for yourself.

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'cause it may be that there are

things still to work on and develop.

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I have them, and I do my best to recognize

them, but I don't always fully get them.

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It's only really in this last week

working with one of my coaches and in

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conversations with some of the amazing

people I have on the podcast or the people

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who I do the storytelling events with.

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Have led me to a realization of, alright,

this is something I also need to work on.

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The thing that I really want to help a lot

of other people to do is something that I

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still need to develop and work on myself

and have been owning that and accepting

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it and will continue to work on it.

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And my hope is that you will

also want to do the same.

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We can only really be authentic

as speakers if we own and value

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our life, our lens, and our

history for who we really are.

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This does not mean you have to air

your dirty laundry from the platform,

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or you have to share every aspect

of your life with your audience.

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But the stuff that's important to you, the

stuff that matters about who you are and

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how you got to become who you are today,

the lessons that you learned, some of them

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can be difficult to talk about or to own.

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A good friend of mine is doing a

storytelling event, where she's

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gonna be talking about some of

her issues with mental health.

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That's such a vulnerable and difficult

thing to talk about, but owning that

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is going to be empowering for her and

also is going to send a message to other

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people who've been struggling with those

kind of things of you are not alone.

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You will have something

to learn from this story.

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And for those who maybe haven't had

those kinds of issues, they're gonna

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have a deeper level of understanding and

compassion, hopefully for her and others

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who may have those kind of conditions.

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But we only get to these points by

doing the difficult stuff, which is

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being honest and open about who we are.

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And.

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Our lives and our stories and

then sharing them with the

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people who it's gonna matter to.

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So, look I hope.

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I hope beyond anything that there

is something for you in what

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I've been talking about here.

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And if there is, I would love to

hear from you because some of it

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is gonna be a little bit deep, some

of it may be a little sensitive

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and maybe bring some stuff out for

you if you want to talk about that,

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if you wanna work on some

of this stuff, get in touch.

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I'd love to chat with you and let's

see if we can help you step outta

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professionalism and into being a human, so

you can have human to human interactions

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with people rather than diminishing

parts of yourself for what you feel is

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gonna be acceptable for everyone else.

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I dunno about you, but I always look

at people who are fully unapologetic

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for who they are and admire them.

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I always think, wow, I want to be more

like that, more unapologetic for who I

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am and for how I show up in the world

and really just own it and not feel

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like I have to hold myself back or bite

my tongue or switch words so that I

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can be more vague and unspecific in my

language, so as I don't upset or offend

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anybody, let's leave that stuff behind.

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It's a challenge.

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It's gonna rub some people up

the wrong way, but it's time.

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It's time for connection.

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It's time for relationship.

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It is time for authenticity.

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When we talk about authenticity, I'm just

talking about being genuinely you, fully

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yourself, and highlighting the wonderful

parts of your character and yeah, okay.

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We're not gonna shine a spotlight

too much on less wonderful aspects of

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that, but we're also not going to deny

those things either and own ourselves

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fully and not apologize for it.

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It's our life, it's our experience.

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It's who we are.

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We all have room to be more fully

realized as human beings and

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as professional communicators.

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And vulnerability really is

a door that when you open it

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invites people in for connection.

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And when we don't do it.

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We end up keeping people at

a distance, whether that's

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intentional or unintentional.

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We'll take ourselves outta the

situation sometimes because we don't

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want to risk people getting too

close or finding out the reality

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because we don't feel completely

comfortable or confident around them.

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It may take a bit of work to get

there, but let's start the journey.

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That's it for this episode.

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I hope there's something there for

you, and I'd love to hear from you.

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What are your thoughts?

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What are your feelings?

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00:22:25,130 --> 00:22:27,770

I don't think I've ever done an

episode quite like this before.

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It feels a bit emotional, and

I'd love to hear what you think.

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All right, wherever you're going, whatever

you're doing, have an amazing rest of

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your day and I'll see you next time.