In this episode, I answer a listener question about processing repressed memories of childhood sexual trauma and how we can learn to trust ourselves. Throughout this episode, I discuss my own experiences with repressed memories of sexual trauma. I discuss how self-doubt is common when processing repressed memories of trauma, how to listen to your body, the importance of acceptance, and how to practice gentleness with yourself throughout this process. My intention is to offer you some solace if you too find yourself navigating the stormy waters of repressed memories and to help you to trust yourself and your own process for navigating this trauma response.
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Thanks so much for listening! Sending you so much love
Welcome to New View Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Durocher, and I invite you to
Speaker:join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever
Speaker:problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get
Speaker:started. Hi there,
Speaker:beautiful soul. My name is Amanda Durocher, and welcome to New View Advice. If you're
Speaker:new here, this is a healing centered advice podcast where I offer guidance for the
Speaker:healing journey. I do not believe I have all the answers you seek. I believe
Speaker:you have all the answers. You just may need a new view and a little
Speaker:help along the way. Thank you for joining me for today's episode. In today's
Speaker:episode, I am answering a listener question about processing repressed
Speaker:memories and how this process often creates self doubt and confusion.
Speaker:Processing repressed and forgotten memories in my own life has been one of the most
Speaker:confusing and painful experiences I have been through, So I very much
Speaker:related to the feelings of this question. And in this episode, I
Speaker:talk about my own experience processing repressed memories because, truthfully, as I
Speaker:mentioned, it was an extremely confusing time for me, but I also
Speaker:found it to be extremely liberating and helped me to trust myself on a deep,
Speaker:deep level. So though this process is not a fun one to go
Speaker:through, it's extremely hard. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's
Speaker:also very freeing because the memories that have been
Speaker:repressed have always lived within us. So if you are someone
Speaker:navigating this experience, though it is so painful and it can be
Speaker:so hard to navigate, I want you to remember that the information that is
Speaker:coming forward for you to look at, to process, to witness, to
Speaker:feel, and to heal has always lived within you. And when our
Speaker:bodies do bring this information forward for us to process, it is extremely
Speaker:painful, but that pain has been in our bodies the entire time. And that's
Speaker:why it is liberating to process this information. Because
Speaker:what I have found is that when we process it, it's like burdens are
Speaker:lifted out of our body. These rocks we have been carrying, we
Speaker:no longer need to carry, but it takes time to
Speaker:navigate this process. So in this episode, we discuss how though it's
Speaker:a very confusing process and often creates self doubt, it teaches us
Speaker:to trust our bodies and to trust ourselves. I also talk
Speaker:about why acceptance is important for healing repressed memories and the
Speaker:importance of gentleness throughout this process. My intention for
Speaker:this episode is to offer you some solace if you too find yourself navigating the
Speaker:stormy waters of repressed memories and to help you to trust yourself in your
Speaker:own process for navigating this trauma response. If you haven't
Speaker:already, I invite you to check out my website after this episode. This question
Speaker:discusses childhood sexual trauma. And on my website, I do have a
Speaker:resource hub for healing from sexual trauma, and you can find that at newviewadvice.
Speaker:Com, and you can find today's episode show notes at newviewadvice.com/113.
Speaker:So with that, let's jump on into today's listener question.
Speaker:Dear Amanda, for the last couple of years, I've been processing early childhood
Speaker:sexual traumas around my dad. I have a few memories of him showering
Speaker:with me and trying on pantyhose. But about a year ago, I did a brainspotting
Speaker:session with my therapist that pulled up a suppressed memory of my dad
Speaker:taking me to a movie and him pleasuring himself during the film. I was
Speaker:probably around 6 or 7. I'm currently 49 years old.
Speaker:The brain spotting session was very intense, and it felt like I was back in
Speaker:that event including physical sensations and smells. My question is
Speaker:this, how reliable are memories we bring up during a brain spotting
Speaker:session or EMDR session? I ask because I'm still conflicted in
Speaker:knowing if this memory is truly real or something that I made up. For the
Speaker:most part, I believe it happened, but I always have this thought that I may
Speaker:have just made it up, probably because I'm having a hard time believing my dad
Speaker:did this. Thank you so much for this question. I am so
Speaker:sorry that you are currently navigating the experience of processing
Speaker:childhood sexual abuse and repressed memories. As you know from the podcast,
Speaker:I too went through this process, and it can be very confusing, overwhelming,
Speaker:and truly heartbreaking. First, I wanna say that the process here you
Speaker:described sounds very similar to my own, so I do wanna
Speaker:validate that I believe this is part of the process of processing repressed
Speaker:memories. And how I saw my own experience in your question is
Speaker:that you mentioned that before this memory came up, you
Speaker:were processing 2 other memories. That reminds me a lot of my
Speaker:experience personally. What I have found throughout the process
Speaker:of repressed memories is that we only get one
Speaker:memory or one piece of the memory at a time. So from what
Speaker:I'm personally hearing in your question is that your body gave
Speaker:you the showering and the pantyhose first to process. And then
Speaker:when you accepted those because in your question, it sounds like you accept those as
Speaker:truth. Then you were given this next memory that sounds a little bit
Speaker:more graphic, a little bit more traumatic for you likely. There were
Speaker:likely new beliefs taken on in that moment in the movie theater. And I mentioned
Speaker:that because I found that through my process is that as we're processing repressed memories,
Speaker:we're only given what we can handle at a time. It's a very common trauma
Speaker:response when we cannot handle something in the moment, especially as
Speaker:children. I think this is very common in childhood experiences.
Speaker:We repress it. We forget it. It's a way our mind and body
Speaker:can continue to move forward. So as a child, you're experiencing
Speaker:trauma and abuse, and you did not have the choice
Speaker:to leave that home. You were a child. You were 6 or 7, you mentioned
Speaker:in your question. And so your body did what it had to do in
Speaker:order to protect you at the time. And then we repress that
Speaker:memory. We forget those memories. And then when we are ready, when
Speaker:we have created enough safety within ourselves, those memories are able to
Speaker:come up to the surface to be processed. I mention this all
Speaker:because the concept of repressed memories is honestly sort of a crazy
Speaker:concept when you first learn about it because it often is about
Speaker:things that happened years or even decades ago, and it's
Speaker:mind boggling. It's mind boggling that we could forget such traumatic
Speaker:things. You know, when I was first coming to terms
Speaker:with my own repressed memories, I couldn't believe that I could quote,
Speaker:unquote forget these experiences. Wouldn't
Speaker:I remember these in great detail because they're the most painful things
Speaker:I've ever experienced? No. Actually,
Speaker:the body and the mind are wired for survival,
Speaker:and they do what they have to do to survive. And for some of us,
Speaker:that includes repressing this trauma. And so,
Speaker:unfortunately, today, if you Google repress memories,
Speaker:it's still debated by researchers because memory isn't something we can
Speaker:exactly prove scientifically. Memory is personal.
Speaker:It's within our minds. Right? We can't exactly prove a memory.
Speaker:I googled repressed memories before answering this question, and the Internet has
Speaker:improved since I first googled repressed memories in 2018 when my
Speaker:memories began returning. But it's still not the most helpful
Speaker:Google results, so I do hope to offer you a new point of view on
Speaker:this through my own experience. It's a process that I don't think
Speaker:I've dived super deep into before on the podcast
Speaker:because, as you know from your experience, it's
Speaker:not really an explainable process. It's very,
Speaker:very difficult to articulate. I will try my best here to
Speaker:articulate it, but it's a process where you learn to
Speaker:trust yourself because you know what your body
Speaker:is communicating to you. And when we begin healing, it can
Speaker:feel like a rabbit hole that we've fallen down and we wonder
Speaker:when will this ever end? Will this ever end? Trust me. It does end. The
Speaker:rabbit hole, there is a bottom to it, but it takes time and it often
Speaker:takes years as you mentioned. I mention this because you said you've been
Speaker:processing sexual trauma for years, and it took me years as
Speaker:well. Think about how long you repressed this trauma. Truthfully, if you
Speaker:heal this in 10 years, that's still so much shorter than the
Speaker:30, 40 years you were living with this repress. So be
Speaker:patient with yourself. It's a big part of the process. But in today's world, we
Speaker:want everything to move fast, fast, fast, and we can't even fathom something
Speaker:taking years. For me, it took 6 years to process my
Speaker:repressed memories, and it's the process is going to take as long as it's going
Speaker:to take because your body is not going to give you any information
Speaker:or any more pieces of the puzzle or any more of the trauma that needs
Speaker:to be processed until you are ready. I truly believe
Speaker:that we do not get more than we are ready for. And it can be
Speaker:very frustrating, but I just wanna reassure you to trust yourself
Speaker:throughout this process. And for you, this trauma involves your father, so
Speaker:that adds a very complicated layer. And so there's likely a lot of
Speaker:beliefs around your father. As you mentioned, you're actually struggling to believe this
Speaker:happened because you're struggling to believe what it means about your father, not what
Speaker:it means about your life and your experience. My guess is when this came
Speaker:up, you felt truth in your body, but you are grappling
Speaker:with having to rewrite a truth about your
Speaker:father. Because we have stories that we live throughout our life, beliefs that we
Speaker:live by, ways we see the world, And processing repressed
Speaker:memories involves you unraveling all the beliefs you had about the
Speaker:world. That's what makes it so freaking confusing. So for
Speaker:me, when my memories came back of being sexually assaulted in my childhood, the
Speaker:most mind boggling part of it was that my entire
Speaker:worldview shattered, and I had to rewrite the way I saw the
Speaker:world, the way I saw myself, the way I saw life, the way I saw
Speaker:everyone who was a part of my childhood, the way I saw my relationships in
Speaker:the present. Everything was from a new lens.
Speaker:And so not only are you grappling with trauma that
Speaker:deserves its time to be processed, to be felt, to be grieved, you
Speaker:are also seeing the world in an entirely new
Speaker:way. And you're seeing yourself in an entirely new way. And for you, you're seeing
Speaker:father in an entirely new way, and that is a lot to go through
Speaker:at one time. And before I dive into a few
Speaker:suggestions for you in how to trust yourself, I just wanna say that at the
Speaker:end of the day, people can and maybe will call you crazy or they won't
Speaker:believe you. I know that's been true in my life. But this process is
Speaker:gonna be about you trusting yourself and trusting your body.
Speaker:Sadly, knowing the truth of what happened isn't going to take away
Speaker:the pain, and it's not gonna take away what happened. As pain has been living
Speaker:in your body. It has always been there. Even though
Speaker:it feels like you just learned this information, it truly has
Speaker:always been there, and a part of you always did know this. A
Speaker:deep, deep part of you that has been suppressed and repressed for
Speaker:a very long time. An example I wanna use for how
Speaker:I see processing repressed memories is that, say you have a car
Speaker:and this car has a warning light on, and you can't figure out
Speaker:why this warning light is on, But it's pointing you that something's wrong.
Speaker:The car still functions. You're still able to drive it. You're still able to move
Speaker:about your day, but there's something off, and you can't identify what
Speaker:it is. You may even bring it into mechanics. You may ask other
Speaker:people. No one can tell you why this warning light is on.
Speaker:And then one day, you figure it out. You figure out what the problem with
Speaker:your car is, and shoot, it is so much bigger than you
Speaker:expected, and it is gonna take a lot of time and resources for you
Speaker:to fix this problem. But the problem was always there,
Speaker:and it was getting worse and worse until you knew what it
Speaker:was. And once you know what it is, though it's gonna take time and
Speaker:resources to fix this car, you are able to fix it, or in a human
Speaker:example, you're able to heal it. And when you do, your car will be running
Speaker:brand new. You'll have a brand new car, and this car will move
Speaker:better than ever before. And so processing repressed memories is
Speaker:like having a warning light on. You didn't know what the problem was, and now
Speaker:you do know what that problem is. So I also wanna say here that I
Speaker:don't know if it helps in any way, but I wanna say that I believe
Speaker:you. I know this process, and I believe that you went through some horrible and
Speaker:traumatic experiences in your childhood. I do believe that you are
Speaker:processing repressed memories, and I do believe it's a very confusing
Speaker:process and that this too shall pass, and you will
Speaker:know your truth at the end of this. I do wanna mention to anybody
Speaker:listening, if you're like, what is brain spotting? What is EMDR? These are 2
Speaker:psychotherapy techniques that are used to help
Speaker:individuals process trauma, emotional distress, and other psychological
Speaker:issues. I'm not gonna talk too much about what those are today, but I do
Speaker:invite you to do your own research and to Google brain spotting and EMDR if
Speaker:you have experienced trauma and you think maybe something like this could be helpful for
Speaker:you. But today, I'm really gonna focus on the repressed memories part of this question.
Speaker:So the next thing I wanna discuss is I really wanna dive into this self
Speaker:doubt, because I believe self doubt will always arise when processing repressed
Speaker:memories, and you are not alone in believing what happened to you and also
Speaker:doubting yourself. I think self doubt is very common for many reasons. It's
Speaker:so hard to articulate the process of repressed memories. The only way
Speaker:I have ever been able to say it is that it's a process of feeling
Speaker:the most sane and the most insane at the same time.
Speaker:Maybe that resonates for you or maybe it doesn't. But for me, when new memories
Speaker:arise that I've repressed or new layers of trauma, it's so
Speaker:affirming when they first arise. It's also so painful.
Speaker:Because as I mentioned with that car example, there were red flags and signs and
Speaker:feelings in my body that I could not explain for so long, and
Speaker:these are validated and affirmed by the
Speaker:repressed memory coming to the surface. And I mention this because
Speaker:with my experience processing repressed memories, I have this
Speaker:affirming moment, and then quickly after that affirming moment, I usually
Speaker:begin doubting myself. I start having thoughts of, is this true?
Speaker:How do I know this for sure? Am I crazy? Maybe I made this
Speaker:whole thing up. Am I being overdramatic? Am I sure?
Speaker:And I find that many of these thoughts arise because I think the mind is
Speaker:trying to keep us safe, but I also think we live in a world
Speaker:that has solidified in our minds the importance of facts
Speaker:and hard evidence. And when processing repressed memories,
Speaker:it's something we have to accept is that our body is
Speaker:the only hard evidence we're going to have that these
Speaker:experiences happened. And with this, there's a quote I
Speaker:heard that I wanted to share. I watched the documentary On the
Speaker:Record, and it's about sexual assault allegations against
Speaker:Russell Simmons, who was a hip hop mogul. And
Speaker:this documentary mostly features the story of Drew Dixon, who is a
Speaker:survivor of sexual assault. And she had this amazing quote that I've thought
Speaker:about over and over again. And she says in the documentary, my
Speaker:body is a crime scene. And this has stuck with me
Speaker:for so long because all the proof and all the evidence of what we
Speaker:experience throughout our lives lives in our bodies.
Speaker:And when we are processing sexual assault, repressed memories,
Speaker:childhood sexual trauma, our body is the crime
Speaker:scene. Our body knows what happened. Our body
Speaker:remembers. And with this, I wanna say here that I always
Speaker:recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score, for people processing
Speaker:sexual trauma, but specifically repressed memories. This book is
Speaker:very dense, and it has a lot of information in it. But for
Speaker:me, when I read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk,
Speaker:he talks about repressed memories in it, and it was the first time I
Speaker:felt so validated in my experience. I was reading why my
Speaker:body responded the way it did. Because repressed memories is our trauma
Speaker:response. It is a way our body and our minds know how
Speaker:to process trauma in the moment. Most people don't
Speaker:experience experiences like you and I where we feel like our
Speaker:life is threatened, like our world is being shattered,
Speaker:and our bodies and minds have to respond within the moment.
Speaker:It is not until years later that most trauma
Speaker:survivors are able to process that trauma. Most people are not
Speaker:given a safe space within the moment, so the body and the mind have to
Speaker:find a way to cope, especially as children and for you especially
Speaker:that this was abuse done by your father. Your body and your mind
Speaker:did the best it could when you were 6 or 7. I want you to
Speaker:reassure yourself that. That though right now, you are
Speaker:processing some really painful things, That this happened to you
Speaker:when you were 6 or 7. Picture how young you
Speaker:were. I have tears coming to my eyes right now. No child
Speaker:deserves to be treated that way, and no child would ever
Speaker:know how to process that in the moment.
Speaker:And the fact that there are people in this world who look at childhood
Speaker:trauma and just don't get what it would be like to be a child,
Speaker:that's unfortunate for them. That's unfortunate for them. Anybody who judges
Speaker:this process, that's unfortunate that they don't understand what it
Speaker:would be like for a 6 or a 7 year old. Unfortunately, we live in
Speaker:a world that really isn't that empathetic or understanding in a lot of different
Speaker:ways. So when navigating this process, it's important for you
Speaker:to be empathetic towards yourself and very,
Speaker:very empathetic and gentle with that young child
Speaker:self. So when you are asking yourself how reliable these
Speaker:memories are, I obviously can't say for certain. Only you
Speaker:can. But I can say that to me from your question, it makes sense
Speaker:that this next memory arose. And as I've mentioned, I
Speaker:see my process and your process. I think they sound very similar with how
Speaker:more memories tend to come back as we process 1. The next one can
Speaker:come forward, and oftentimes, the next one can be a little bit more painful than
Speaker:the first one. It's almost like our body's like, here's the lightest one. Can you
Speaker:handle that? Here's a darker truth. Here's an even
Speaker:darker truth. Wow. You were able to process that? I'm gonna give you a
Speaker:darker truth. That's what I found with mine is that they tended
Speaker:to become a little darker, a little more painful, but I also had
Speaker:the tools. I was able to process them, and my
Speaker:body never gave it to me until I had those tools in place, until
Speaker:it knew, okay. You were able to process that. Now you can process this. I
Speaker:think our bodies are so intelligent. And
Speaker:navigating repressed memories connects us to our bodies, which is something we
Speaker:were disconnected from. Because when we live with repressed
Speaker:trauma, it disconnects us from ourselves. And so connecting
Speaker:back to ourselves is one of the gifts of going through this extremely painful
Speaker:process. And I don't call it painful to scare anybody
Speaker:off. I'm just assuming and maybe I'm making a bad assumption here, but
Speaker:I'm assuming that everybody who's going through this process understands how
Speaker:painful it is because you're navigating it yourself. And so this leads me
Speaker:into wanting to talk a bit more about the body and your relationship with your
Speaker:body. In your question, you said, the brain spotting session was
Speaker:very intense, and it felt like I was back at the event, including
Speaker:physical sensations and smells. So here you
Speaker:describe a very detailed and visceral reaction to your brain spotting
Speaker:session, and I find this very interesting. I've also found that when
Speaker:processing these experiences that it could be very visceral,
Speaker:and it's like you're back there. And I believe that's because
Speaker:the body has held on to this trauma for a very long time. It has
Speaker:held on to this experience. You disconnected from
Speaker:it in that moment, and so it's so visceral because none of it has been
Speaker:processed yet, and you are processing that now, and it takes time to
Speaker:process that. I think that part of healing
Speaker:repressed memories is, as I've said multiple times, it's learning how to trust your
Speaker:body. When I was grappling with self doubt throughout the process
Speaker:of repressed memories, I would go back to over and over again how
Speaker:the information landed in my body. So for me, truth feels
Speaker:grounding. These truths would elicit a lot of hard emotions, but
Speaker:I would feel grounded in my body when I received this information.
Speaker:And for me, when repressed memories come in, I have, like, a flash of insight.
Speaker:It's a full body knowing that, yes, this was true, and then my
Speaker:mind would come in and fight me. And the truth is I've been through this
Speaker:process enough. I've had enough layers come back over time,
Speaker:so many, that the process is the same every time. That now I just
Speaker:know the process, but it took time for me to understand that for me,
Speaker:it's often a flash of insight, a full body knowing, super hard feelings, and
Speaker:then the mind's going to attack me. The mind is then gonna attack me with
Speaker:self doubt. It's gonna call me crazy. It's gonna try to keep me from
Speaker:going deeper into this because it's trying to keep me safe. It's really such
Speaker:a inherent part of our body is survival. And so processing
Speaker:trauma often puts us into that survival mode, right, that fight or
Speaker:flight. And so we have to learn to connect back to our
Speaker:body, slow down, take care of ourselves in order to
Speaker:process this. Because with for you with your question, I believe
Speaker:that if you take the time to slow down and to
Speaker:be with yourself and to ask yourself in that quiet place,
Speaker:in meditation, in journaling, in nature, is this true about
Speaker:my dad? Your body will communicate to you what is true.
Speaker:But my guess is, as many trauma survivors are, you're often in that fight or
Speaker:flight place. When we're in fight or flight, the mind is often going
Speaker:crazy. So I just invite you when you're reflecting on this to also ask
Speaker:yourself, am I in fight or flight right now? Am I feeling stressed? Am I
Speaker:feeling overwhelmed? Or am I in a peaceful place and still doubting
Speaker:myself? Because I find that doubt is much more common when we're stressed
Speaker:and when we're stressing ourselves out and when we're judging ourself and we're in that
Speaker:fight or flight. It's when we're in that peaceful place where the truth
Speaker:arises, but we often run away from that place because what also lives
Speaker:there are really hard feelings. We often
Speaker:don't allow ourselves to slow down enough because we're avoiding
Speaker:the immense grief that needs to be felt. The
Speaker:heartbreak, the devastation, the despair,
Speaker:the fear that we won't survive how hard of an experience
Speaker:this is. I assure you, you will. You already survived
Speaker:it. These memories are only coming up because your body knows
Speaker:you are ready to be with these really hard feelings. And this
Speaker:leads me into the importance of acceptance when
Speaker:healing from repressed memories. I have found that a key part
Speaker:of processing repressed memories is believing yourself and accepting the
Speaker:truth. Now I also find that that means you have to accept the
Speaker:feelings and the body sensations and not attach to
Speaker:details and information that you haven't gotten yet or you
Speaker:may never get. When processing repressed memories, I have found
Speaker:that the mind, when I'm in that stress place, can become obsessed with details
Speaker:and getting information I hadn't received yet, and that would keep me
Speaker:stuck and from moving forward and from fully
Speaker:processing this, the obsession with details. When I was first processing
Speaker:being sexually assaulted in my childhood, I was obsessed with what was I
Speaker:wearing? Did this happen to me in the bedroom or the basement? I couldn't
Speaker:figure out if it was the bedroom or the basement. And for some reason that
Speaker:detail was so important to me. I actually didn't receive the answer to
Speaker:that question until I accepted this horrible thing happened to me.
Speaker:I know it happened to me. And I don't need to know what I was
Speaker:wearing, how I got there, or where exactly it happened,
Speaker:but I know this happened to me. And I accepted it
Speaker:fully, that I may not get any other information about that experience. But I
Speaker:accepted what my body had communicated. And once I accepted
Speaker:what my body had communicated, and then it gave me more information about
Speaker:that experience. And it was the same thing with my gang rape in my teen
Speaker:years. I also repressed and forgot that experience as well.
Speaker:And each time, I had to accept the information I had been given. At
Speaker:first, I had to accept, something really bad happened to me in the woods. I
Speaker:may never know exactly what it was. Then I got more pieces of the puzzle.
Speaker:Then I had to accept, I was sexually assaulted in the woods. Then I had
Speaker:to accept, I was sexually assaulted by multiple people in the woods.
Speaker:Oof. That was a hard one. Then I had to accept,
Speaker:oh, it was violent. I was pinned down and strangled.
Speaker:Okay. Then I had to accept there were bystanders. And
Speaker:there were more layers as well. But I mention that because I had to
Speaker:accept each layer before I was given more
Speaker:information. We often keep ourselves from the next step of our healing
Speaker:journey by living in that self doubt and not
Speaker:accepting what happened. And the reason, again, we don't accept
Speaker:what happened is because accepting what happened involves the hardest
Speaker:part. It involves feeling all the really hard
Speaker:feelings that you have been avoiding for a very long time or that you
Speaker:also repressed. So we repress the information, and with that information, it's like
Speaker:we're given this package at our door. And on the package, it says,
Speaker:repress memory. And you're like, ugh. I don't wanna open this. I don't wanna
Speaker:open this. I know what's in there. And you open the card, and it tells
Speaker:you what's in the box. And you're like, oh, when I open that box, I'm
Speaker:gonna have to, like, fully dive into that box. Maybe this box isn't for
Speaker:me. Maybe this present isn't mine. Does anybody else want this present? But it's when
Speaker:you take that box inside and you open it and you
Speaker:feel all the feelings in that box that you will begin to feel free.
Speaker:You'll begin to trust yourself. Pieces of your life that didn't make sense will
Speaker:begin to make sense, and you will learn to love yourself
Speaker:in a new way is what's coming to mind. Because this process of
Speaker:processing repressed memories is an act of self love.
Speaker:The more you sit with it, the more you process those hard feelings, the more
Speaker:you allow your truth to be mind bending for yourself,
Speaker:the more you allow that truth to come forward and rewrite that life
Speaker:narrative that was never true, the freer you will feel and the more
Speaker:connected back to yourself and your heart you will feel, and the more you will
Speaker:love yourself, and the more empathy you'll have for yourself and others. And
Speaker:so with all that, it's going to require an immense amount of
Speaker:gentleness with yourself in order to process these
Speaker:repressed memories. Processing repressed memories is when I personally
Speaker:began meditating daily. I talk about that a lot on the podcast, and I've
Speaker:had people say things to me like, oh, it must be nice, or I don't
Speaker:have time to meditate, or I can't believe you meditate for an hour. What a
Speaker:luxury. Yes. It is a luxury at this point, but it also was a
Speaker:lifeline. It was also necessary for me
Speaker:to begin quieting my mind, getting out of fight or
Speaker:flight, and feeling those feelings daily. It was
Speaker:important for my own sanity and my own survival
Speaker:because I couldn't live in the crazy thoughts of am I sane
Speaker:or am I insane every day. And oftentimes, when my
Speaker:memory comes back, I live there for a while. I live in the self doubt
Speaker:until I can no longer doubt myself anymore, and then I begin feeling those
Speaker:hard feelings. And I live in the self doubt place less and less now. I'm
Speaker:personally hoping I've hit the end of my barrel and that there's no more repressed
Speaker:memories, but I've also accepted the process and that there may be more that needs
Speaker:to come forward, and that's okay with me. I know I've
Speaker:got my back. I know I have my own. I know I'm strong. I know
Speaker:I'm resilient. And I know that my body will not give
Speaker:me anything I can't handle, and it will only give it to me when I'm
Speaker:ready. And so for you, I think it's important for you to prioritize time
Speaker:for yourself. Meditating, journaling, therapy. Maybe you need
Speaker:to go to therapy more than once a week. I know I go through times
Speaker:in my life where I go to therapy twice a week. Maybe you need to
Speaker:spend some more time in nature. Maybe you need a vacation that might not
Speaker:feel so much like a vacation. It just might be space for you to process
Speaker:some of this really difficult stuff. But for me with repressed memories,
Speaker:I had to do it for a full time job for a long time,
Speaker:and I had to do it on my own. It's a process that only
Speaker:you can really do that work. You know? Each of us has our
Speaker:own inner work. And processing repressed memories, there are people who can support you through
Speaker:that. Like I said, I'm glad you work with a professional. Maybe you wanna invite
Speaker:in a trauma professional or another day a week of therapy. I don't know what's
Speaker:best for you. But at the end of the day, it's gonna be you who
Speaker:has to feel those hard feelings, and it's gonna have to be you who begins
Speaker:grieving the childhood you thought you had and accepting the one
Speaker:you did have. And that's one of the hardest parts. So throughout this process,
Speaker:it's also really important to dive into inner child work and to
Speaker:be with that 6 or 7 year old. I'll link some inner child resources on
Speaker:my website at newgoodadvice.com/113. I have a
Speaker:meditation and a dialoguing with your inner child, but I also always
Speaker:recommend letter writing exercise. So maybe writing a letter to that 6 or 7
Speaker:year old who is likely terrified in that movie theater,
Speaker:telling them that you believe them. Because when we don't believe
Speaker:ourselves, it's that we're really not believing those young children within us,
Speaker:the ones who were young and who needed an adult to believe
Speaker:them. And so through processing repressed memories, we become the
Speaker:adult who believes that child who did not have the safety
Speaker:or the trust they needed at that time. And so it's
Speaker:so important and so healing to connect to that inner child.
Speaker:It really is a beautiful union is how I see it. I think
Speaker:the repressed parts of us almost live outside of us for a long time,
Speaker:and processing repressed memories is bringing that part of us home to ourself. And that
Speaker:has been such a gift in my life to bring all these pieces of me
Speaker:home to myself that I labeled wrong, unworthy, not enough,
Speaker:liars, insane. By bringing those home and saying, I am
Speaker:so sorry. I love you. I'm here for you no matter what. I'm here for
Speaker:all your hard feelings. I have created a deep love of
Speaker:self that has taken time for me to cultivate, but it's pretty
Speaker:unshakable at this time. And so though, as I've said many
Speaker:times, this process is extremely difficult. I do believe there are gifts in
Speaker:healing, and those gifts often include getting to know ourselves,
Speaker:our own heart, and that love of self, which we all deserve. It becomes
Speaker:easier and we get to feel that deeper within ourselves.
Speaker:The last thing I wanna say before I wrap up this question is if you
Speaker:take anything from this episode, I want you to take that you can trust yourself.
Speaker:Something I also like to remember is that nobody wants to remember being sexually
Speaker:abused. Nobody wants to view their parent like an abuser when they hadn't remembered
Speaker:that. Nobody wants this to be their truth. I know that was true in my
Speaker:life. I don't want my story to be my story. I'm gonna be
Speaker:honest. There are days I look out the window as I write about my
Speaker:story that I'm like, can I have a different story? And
Speaker:I joke about that because the truth is this is my story. I accept
Speaker:it. But nobody wants to have to go through
Speaker:this process. So when you're doubting yourself, remember that you're not asking for
Speaker:this. You didn't want this. This isn't your fault. This is just part
Speaker:of healing, and it's okay. And you can trust yourself.
Speaker:And I found in my own life that the more I trust myself and choose
Speaker:to believe myself, the more these memories settle. Processing repressed
Speaker:memories often feels like a battle is waging within, and it
Speaker:stops waging when I trust myself. And I know my own
Speaker:truth. And that self trust is really developed throughout this process. And I
Speaker:just wanna reassure you that you can trust yourself. This process takes patience. You are
Speaker:doing the work. I hear it in your question. You wouldn't be asking this question
Speaker:if you weren't doing the work. And though it can be
Speaker:mind boggling and very disorienting, you are on the right
Speaker:path. You are always being guided, and you can trust yourself.
Speaker:So I hope something in this answer was helpful. I'm sending you so much love.
Speaker:Thank you for this question.
Speaker:Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of New View Advice. If
Speaker:you haven't already, I have bonus episodes on the podcast that I'm calling
Speaker:my reflection series, which is stories of me reflecting on my own
Speaker:healing journey. I mentioned that here because if you listen to reflection 2, this
Speaker:story took me a very long time to piece together. Some
Speaker:of these things I always remembered. Some of these things were repressed memories that came
Speaker:back later, and it took me years to be able to put together an
Speaker:articulate narrative. So I share that here because if you listen
Speaker:to reflections number 2, you can hear a story that wasn't always clear for me,
Speaker:that is clear now, but that is a gift I got through
Speaker:processing repressed memories. So if you give it a listen, please let me know.
Speaker:Or if you like this episode, I invite you to leave a rating or review
Speaker:or send me an email. I always love connecting with the new View Advice
Speaker:community. And thank you so much for joining me for this new View
Speaker:Advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you a new View on
Speaker:whatever you may be going through. Sending you all my love. See you next time.