Shownotes
In a world where teenage angst meets parental anxiety, we sit down with Isla Reddin, a powerhouse in the realm of family coaching. This episode is chock-full of insights that will have you nodding along, laughing, and maybe shedding a tear or two. Isla opens up about her personal experiences with her own sons and the challenges she faced navigating the murky waters of adolescence and education. With humor and humility, she recounts her attempts to transform her frustrations into actionable strategies that empower families. The crux of her philosophy? It’s not about being the perfect parent; it’s about being present and adaptable. We tackle the tough topics—why so many parents feel isolated and overwhelmed, and how societal expectations can create a chasm between families and the support they need. You’ll walk away with practical tips on how to bridge that gap, foster connection, and ultimately, create an environment where your kids can thrive. So grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and get ready for a lively discussion that’s as enlightening as it is entertaining—this is one you won’t want to miss!
A gift from our guest: https://islareddin.com/real-conversations/
This short video training and 1-page cheat sheet give you 3 ways to start real conversations again – without nagging, pressure, or power struggles.
Download it now, so you know what to do & say, and your teen knows you’re still there and always will be.
Bio - Professional Certified Coach & Parent–Teen Mentor Teen and parent mental health is at a breaking point — and Isla Reddin has spent nearly two decades helping families, educators, and leaders bridge the gap. With 20+ years of international experience, Isla has worked with thousands of young people from grade school through college and into the workplace. Along the way, she has equipped parents, teachers, and professionals with tools to turn conflict into connection and uncertainty into growth. Her work is grounded in adolescent brain science, stress psychology, and two decades of hands-on experience with learners and leaders at every stage of development. As both a professional coach and a parent who has walked the rocky road of adolescence at home, Isla brings empathy alongside expertise. Her philosophy is simple: “It’s not about perfection. You just need to show up — and learn how to show up differently.”
Bringing Education Home is an educational podcast brought to you by Kristina and Herb Heagh-Avritt.
If you enjoy the show, we'd love for you to leave a rating or review on your favorite podcast app!
Please let your friends know they can listen for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or their preferred podcast app or online at Bringing Education Home.
Sponsored by Vibrant Family Education - creating Happy, Healthy and Successful kids
Follow us on these socials:
Facebook Group - The Family Learning Circle
Facebook Business Page: Vibrant Family Education
Support Bringing Education Home
Copyright 2025 Kristina & Herb Heagh-Avritt
This podcast is hosted by Captivate, try it yourself for free.
Transcripts
I now have the pleasure of introducing professional certified coach and parent teen mentor Isla Reddin. I think I said that right. Yes, Aila. Teen and parent mental health is at a breaking point.
And Isla has spent nearly two decades helping families, educators and leaders bridge the gap.
With 20 plus years of international experience, Isla has worked with thousands of young people from grade school through college and into the workplace. Along the way, she's equipped parents, teachers and professionals with tools to turn conflict into connection and uncertainty into growth.
Her work is grounded in adolescent brain sciences, stress psychology, and two decades of hands on experience with learners and leaders at every stage of development. As both a professional coach and a parent who has walked the rocky road of adolescents at home, Isla brings empathy alongside expertise.
Her philosophy is simple. It's not about perfection. You just need to show up and learn how to show up differently. Isla, it is a pleasure to have you here.
Thank you today for joining us.
Isla Reddin:Thank you very much for the invitation. I'm so happy to be here.
Kristina:We are excited to have you here as well. You know, we have lots of different people come on our podcast because we're trying to help families up level in lots of different ways.
And, and this teen parent connection is one of those that is constantly needing a little bit of a different perspective or a different view because each of our families are different. Right. And so that one expert that might come on there might be the total complete fix that helps them.
And if that doesn't work, then they want somebody else who can really help them kind of dive in and figure out what's going on.
So we appreciate your different perspective and your unique perspective and everything that you're doing to help out with families up leveling and growing together. So let's start in with kind of the passion, kind of. What was that pivot point that sent you down this road?
What do you remember is like this is going on. I can't stand this anymore. I really need to talk about this to families and parents.
Herb:Yeah. How did you want to get into teen and family conflict resolution?
Isla Reddin:So there are two points here, two pivot points.
Kristina:Yes.
Isla Reddin:First was when my oldest was in third grade and bored at school and he and I were arguing over homework and I one day just went, I'm an adult, this is an 8 year old. What the heck am I doing arguing over homework with an 8 year old? And that then took me to volunteering in the classroom, which then took me to hang.
He is one of 70% of the class that's fundamentally pretty disengaged and how can I, British citizen now in the United States change the American education system and make it more friendly to all students? So that was point number one.
And that became my first startup, my first company and I wrote curriculum and trained teachers in project and problem based learning.
I was very much on the forefront of all that we're talking a long time ago but the whole idea was how do we reach every child in their own to their strengths so that we've got a model where the teachers are able to facilitate learning instead of front of the classroom delivering it.
So that started things and, and then when I have two boys, when the second one was going through his teenage years, I had all this background therefore and I had already raised one. So I'm thinking in the teenage years I should be, I should have a PhD in this.
I should be so darn good because I've got all of this knowledge only to discover that it was totally worthless because this child was a very different learner, but also a very sensitive kid. And the his experience of high school was very painful. Middle school and high school was very painful. As a result, I worried sick about him.
I spent two years basically on my 2ams. Oh my God, what am I going to do? How is he going to survive all of this? This is not good at all.
So that was kind of the second point of we absolutely need as a society to be doing something different because our kids in the teenage years are first of all not okay. And secondly, we're not talking about it. Excuse me one moment. Me and my camera are trying to part ways here, get me back on track. There we go.
Kristina:Beautiful.
Isla Reddin:So that, but that became kind of the second point. And when he went off to college, I then basically took myself back to school.
I knew that what people were telling me, boys will be, boys expect risky behavior, they're going to grow out of it, everything's going to be fine. Ignore it. I knew it was law, but I didn't know what was wrong.
So going back and taking courses and discovering that what I had not understood was the developmental process that the brain goes through. We understand puberty, but we have, or at least I certainly didn't.
And it's relatively new information in terms of what's actually happening in the adolescent brain and how that informs so much of how kids are struggling. So that that then was the cue to okay, I have some value that I can bring to other moms that don't have to be awake at 2am how can I do that?
What can I do? Next.
Kristina:Absolutely amazing. Yeah. And you know, that is something that we struggled with.
Even with me as a teacher, we knew that boys and girls learn differently, but in the classroom, lots of times we have to do it the same way for everybody because we're trying to work with 26, 27 kids at a time. You know, you can do whatever you can as far as like reaching the different learning styles, but even then, sometimes that's not enough.
So I love that you were finding that and figuring out a way to do things a little bit differently and helping teachers see that.
Herb:Yeah.
And what I heard in there, watching Christina, over her 27 year career, she got into teaching because she wanted to make the changes and she was, she was an exceptional teacher. She really got through to the kids. It really was, she really is really good at it.
But over the 27 years, watching her go from trying to change the system to struggling to basically being beat down by the system because she was good in trying to reach the children instead of just teaching to the test or to the next page. And so, you know, even the good teachers who fought the battle were taken out. And again, it's, every child is individual.
And when you have 30 children and you're trying to teach 30 children individually, it gets overwhelming. And, and so the administrative, there's the, our unions.
So there's so many aspects of it that went into making it so the teachers couldn't reach the children effectively as well. So yeah, what you, is that, what. Well, that's our. From the inside.
You said you saw problems with the, with the American education system and you wanted to change it. Where, what are you seeing or how, how did what we just say describe? Just wow, I'm just so tongue tied today. What did I just describe?
How did, how was your experience of that?
Isla Reddin:So I, I think my, my experience was much more. Well, Christina, yours is totally boots on the ground as well. But I didn't come from a teaching background.
My background actually is corporate, very large event management. I work for companies like Toyota, Honda, Mitsubishi and I ran their big dealer meetings, I did their new car launches, I did all of that.
That was my corporate background. So it was very much project management. And I, I also struggled terribly at school.
It school was not a good fit for me and I basically grew up thinking I was really dumb.
And so when I then was in the classroom, not a teacher and a volunteer, but watching everything go on and then deciding to get super, super involved and the school district that my kids went to, we were In Southern California, 75,000 kids in our school district. And I became the parent advocate K12. And that gave me a lens into a more holistic perspective of what was really going on.
And what I believed, because I also came from this corporate aspect of things was we've, we've got to be teaching all of these life skills, these communication skills. We've got to figure out how to help kids survive the world and then we can go that they're smart, they're always smart.
We can teach them the geometry, the algebra, the history, we can teach them all of that in a week and a half. What we need is them to figure out how to adapt to the world.
Herb:We need them to be human beings. We need to have them learn that they're in a body and all of that other stuff might be something that they do, but this is what they are.
Isla Reddin:Exactly. Exactly. So I came. I think that I didn't know it at the time.
You know, hindsight's wonderful, but having come from a world where in my day to day functioning, I'm working at a very high level in different companies and I'm responsible for maybe a budget of 2 or 3 million to put on an event that happens on Friday at 5 o'. Clock. And we've been planning for this for a year and a half.
So it takes a whole different mindset to be able to one, think that through and two, be able to manage everything that goes wrong in the moment. So I'm seeing that in the school space there's none of that going on and the kids are failing and the kids are feeling badly about themselves.
So my first pass at it was well, I think we can do it differently. And actually my program, I wasn't the only one.
There were three of us that designed this, but we won an award and we went to the state of California because, to the Department of Ed to present because our results were so phenomenally good.
But the Department of Ed said we don't care because it's Tuesday, it's page 333 in the biology book and every sixth grader is going to do exactly the same thing.
Kristina:Yes, that's what I, yeah, that's what I was doing near the end of my career and it was driving me nuts.
Herb:That's why that, that is one of the main reasons why one of our main focuses is to help people get their children out of public schools.
Because, because again, you said that you didn't do well in school and you thought you were dumb and yet here you are running corporate events and doing project Management that many people don't have that capacity to. So school let you down. So why would you send your children to a school that let you down?
You can, obviously, you can't possibly do a worse job than the school did with you. And if your parents cared about you even just a little bit, they, they would not have left you feeling dumb. So again, that's.
So, again, that's what we saw with the school system. And again, so we're starting. Hey, let's. People need to step out of that because children's education is individual.
Some learn better in the morning, some learn better in the evening. Some are better with numbers and have to have more help with math. Some are great with math and have to have more help with reading.
And so whatever it is, it's like the child needs that help individually. And, and boys are different.
Boys, you can actually start like two or three years teaching them later in life, let them play harder, let them work and get, get that out, and they will catch up so fast once they're ready. It'll just amaze you.
Isla Reddin:Yeah. 100. And, you know, because I've, I have been on the journey for such a long time, and my boys are today 31 and 35.
What I learned was that absolutely nothing is fixed. My older son went to a great university. He went to UC Berkeley. So yay, he got in. I thought we'd all won. I thought that was it. Oh, we got it.
He then failed at the end of his sophomore year, got kicked out, as one does when you fail, and. And then had to figure out what next. Very smart kid.
Got himself organized, went to community college, got the classes he needed, went back to Cal and graduated in four and a half years. Right. So nothing. I mean, things like that. What I learned was you just have to figure out how you're walking alongside your child.
The only thing that counts is your relationship. Everything else can be moved in 150 different directions to get to the goal that the kid wants. The only thing that matters is the relationship.
And what I learned was that you just keep doing that, walking alongside and you navigate with. And that's it. It's. It's. It's not easy, but it's simple. Yes.
Kristina:Yeah, that's one of.
Herb:That's the name of my future podcast because I'm eventually going to have one of my own.
And, and, and the podcast name is going to be simple, not easy, because all the stuff that's really simple to do and it's easy to do, it's also very easy not to do. So.
Isla Reddin:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. It's, you know, in the work that I do now, because as I.
When Christine and I were talking earlier, I'm still coaching in corporate, so I. I still coach managers at companies like PepsiCo and GE and Ernst and Young.
I still coach there, which is incredibly valuable to me because I'm seeing what's going on in that world as I'm also coaching and working with families, with teenagers that are going to go into that world and with parents who are probably in that world.
So I have a very unique advantage in my view of being able to literally meet everybody in whatever situation they're finding themselves, whether it be the parent or the child. What I'm seeing from the parents that I'm coaching is a real lack of, well, one trust. Lack of trust in the system.
And you certainly can speak to that. But more than that, a lack of a sense of isolation that they can't even talk about what's going on for them.
There's this guilt and shame and sense of failure as a parent because we're not, as a society talking about this. We're not understanding that everybody's really, really in pain, doing the best they can, but hurting really badly.
And that's the piece of it that I really want to change. I want us to be able to talk about this. I want it to be out in the open, because it's.
The worst years for lack of support are when your kids are teenagers. You are expected to figure out how to do it by yourself.
Herb:We talk about our three big myths about homeschooling. And so it's. I don't have time. I'm not qualified to be a teacher, and my kids are going to be weird.
Okay, One of those three, usually two of those three. And in probably half of the people we talk to, all three of those things come up. So those are our big three.
Now, what you're talking about is a step before us. So it's like, because. Because there's a lot of times where we have trouble getting parents to come talk to us about. About this step.
So it's like they're stuck in that sense of, I'm. My kid is failing and I'm embarrassed and I can't talk to anybody. That hurts. That. That's. That's even tough for me to say. I've been there.
It's like we were a teacher. Our oldest son is autistic. He was on IEPs. The school system let him down bad.
Kristina:And I was the teacher. I Was supposed to understand all of this stuff. And there were still times and places where I couldn't push the right button.
Herb:We are ashamed that we were ashamed too ashamed to get the help he needed and to push.
So one of the things we also do is if your kid is instilled in the school system, we help you navigate that so that you don't have to do it on your own. So again that, that helped. But, but how do we get parents to start talking, to open up? So what are your big hitters? So we have our three.
Those, those are our three. When you, what are your big three hitters with parents when they come to you? Or one or two?
Well, you just gave us the one that, that there's that shame around.
Isla Reddin:Yeah, the.
So what, what I'm struggling with, what I struggle with is getting parents to trust the fact that there are other people out there other than therapists. So what happens? What I see happening a lot is a parent has a challenge with their teenager. They send the teenager to therapy.
Well, most kids absolutely refuse to go to therapy. And if they do, they're. They're not telling the truth. They're. I mean it's a waste of time and money and energy. But therapy is, is one piece.
But the therapy, the you. The problem is not the child. The problem is the, the parents. And I don't mean that in any negative way at all. I mean we're all doing the best we can.
But the problem is that we have not as parents understood what's actually going on in our own mental emotional world. And then what's going on for our kids and what they're trying to navigate in a way in which we can actually talk to each other.
Our communication is zero, unfortunately, when it comes to trying to move from conflict to connection. And so when I'm able to get parents attention, it's really because they have ident. Self identified as knowing that there's a. They've got a problem.
That part of the problem is them as well. When the problem is all a kid. I'm hopeless. I'm really hopeless.
Herb:I'm a coach too. And we get that.
So sometimes we'll, we'll get kids coming to us and, and it's like the parents are pushing the kids into it because it's like my kid is broken. He's not doing what I want. He's not doing. He's not participating like I think he should. So my kid's broken, so you fix him.
And once he is all that I need him to be then we're good. And so that, that's kind of what I'm seeing because you know, I also do it. I, I work with entheogens so like ketamine and psychedelic treatments.
So parents are even pushing their kids into psychedelic treatments trying to fix them, but never actually trying to understand them.
Kristina:Or grow dynamics and the growing with them.
Isla Reddin:But I will tell you, you know, not us. Yeah. And I spent years coaching kids. You know, I've so, so in my, in this journey.
Kristina:Yeah.
Isla Reddin: I had to close my business in:She was working with them on their, on the emotional side of things. And I was getting them back into school, getting their grades up, teaching them how they learn how to be successful.
So we, we collaborated there for a few years and then that's the difference.
Herb:Between coaching and therapy. Therapy tries to make you better. Coaching helps you deal with life and move forward.
No matter where you're at, therapy is going to try and make you feel better about it. I'm going to help you take the next step 100%.
Isla Reddin:So. So she and I basically teamed up with, with her kid, with the kids that were. She was seeing. But. And then I have also.
I coached a university in France. When I was living in France, I was coaching at university. So what? I have worked for years with the kids. I have no problem working with the kids.
But I know because I've worked with the kids that that's not the problem.
Kristina:Yeah.
Isla Reddin:The problem's the family. And that's why I choose this time around. And how many times have I been around this and said I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. I can't make a difference.
I'm done. And this time around it's got to be the families because that's where the change can actually happen. Yeah.
Kristina:And that's where we jump in as well. We look at it from an education lens, but it's a whole family education.
It's like how do we help the academics through the family growth, the family connection, everything that goes around that because the child can't feel supported if the whole family isn't learning and growing together.
Herb:I love that you quit. I love, I love that you quit because there have been so many times like I quit. I'm Done. I'm just. And then it's like, I'm. I'm done.
And then it's like, okay, well, now what? Well, I got to do something. I was like, well, I might as well just keep doing this stack in the trenches.
But so it's like, yeah, you get done, you quit. And then it's like you look around like, well, okay, I, I'm. I'm done quitting. I got to do something now. And you just get right.
Isla Reddin:You can't.
Herb:I mean, honestly, where live. That's where the, that's where the growth happens.
Isla Reddin:It's. And, and it's. You can't walk away from something that is. Is a soul design journey.
And that's what I believe this is because I have tried to walk away, honestly, so many times. I've got so frustrated. I got so fed up. I'm like, I, I, I should not be doing this anymore. I should have woken up and grown up, and here we are again.
Herb:I don't even care about you guys anymore. It's like, it's like, oh, man. Yes, I do.
Kristina:Exactly.
Herb:And, you know, we have no idea what you're talking about.
Kristina:And we keep going back to, you know, if we can. If we can just make a little bit of change for our kids now.
Our future is going to be brighter because they won't be dealing with the junk that their parents are dealing with if they're handled and changed and fixed, worked out, supported when they're young.
Herb:And then you do make that difference. And then there is that family and then that smile and then that kid's lie. Eyes lighten up and it's like.
And you see them actually inhabit their body and come to life. It's like, okay, that one. You know what? That's worth, like, five more years of trouble if I can see that one more time.
And if you can get that everywhere, it's like, yeah, no, that's. That's not worth it at all.
Isla Reddin:Yeah, it's true. It's true. You, you know, you have, you have those glimmers. You have those glimpses of. I, I know that I can make a difference, and it makes it.
It makes it all worthwhile. I'm actually, I'm on the, on the, the board of the association for Talent Development and the, The Austin chapter, and I do a lot of speaking there.
And I was thinking, as I was thinking about this conversation we're going to have today about the fact that I did a speech almost probably this time last year, where I was looking at the Data of what kind of CEOs and top leaders globally were saying was missing in their organizations and the top four critical thinking, creative problem solving, decision making and communication.
Kristina:Wow.
Herb:Those are the, those are the four biggest things that parents have to work on when they start educating their children at home.
Isla Reddin:100%. And if you, if you know one of my. Because I'm still, I'm coaching corporate still. So I actually interested.
I've been pushing the company that I work for to be more proactive in offering parent, not parent coaching, but more make this connection for people that their whole life is what needs help with. You can't silo work and home. It does affect everything. So I've been really pushing the company to be doing more of that.
So we're starting to advertise it now and I now in this week alone I have two parents who have come to me for coaching that includes their parenting piece.
And I'm excited because one that I'm meeting on Monday, a new client on Monday is He has a 14 year old son and in his intake form he said I need to figure out this child has completely changed. I need to figure out how to meet him where he is. Like yes.
Kristina:Yay, a parent who's ready for that step. Right? Oh, what a celebration.
Herb:Well now my first thought is oh, you guys have got to give them a personality test. The MBTI has a kid version of the mbti. If the dad wants to learn how to talk to his kid, get a simple personality profile.
Again, I tell people that that's, that that's like your default mode.
Isla Reddin:I use the 16 personalities.
Herb:Yeah.
I'm an INFJ, so I'm like, I'm like messed up from the start but I love it because it also because especially the mbti, if you go into the second level it starts going into the brain stack functions that you use preferably. And how in certain brain stacks it's like the way this person thinks.
It's like I, I don't even have the mental capacity to understand that kind of a brain style because it is so foreign from the way I think and to understand that and then be able to talk to that. So if your child is that way too, it's like these, these tools are absolutely incredibly valuable.
Isla Reddin:Yeah. Yeah. They're very, very valuable. I agree with you. 100. I use, I use them all the time.
Kristina:Yeah. A lot of people are like, oh well you know, you're just labeling. It's like no, no, no, that's not what this is for. This is Starting point.
This is your. What I can understand to start and grow further. Right? So that's what I want to say.
Herb:Personality types that are introverted. If you don't, if you want to be on stages, then you have to learn how to develop introverted tools to allow you to be on stage. That's all that means.
It doesn't mean that I'm introverted. I can't be on stage. Just means you have to find the tools that work for you to get to you to where you need to be.
Isla Reddin:But don't you think I mean something like the mbti?
I've never thought of that as a labeling device in any way at all compared to, you know, I have kids come or families come to me with this list of diagnoses that just, just blows my mind. Absolutely blows my mind. And, and it's, it's indecipherable.
And you can't figure out what does that label, if the child has been given it, what does it look like? What is the behavior that allowed for that diagnosis or that label?
Obviously I completely ignore it, but things like the MBTI and some of those types of tools are so helpful because it's another way of meeting the individual where they are because you suddenly have the opportunity. I used it all the time with my kids. When I was getting them with, I was working with Alexis, my clinical psychologist friend.
I always used, I used the Kircy, which is another version of mbti and was more kid friendly in my view, but the kids were just fascinated. Oh my gosh, now I can identify my father, my mother, my sibling, my best friend, my enemy, my nemesis, my teacher.
And then what I did with the kids was if we had to get them back on track academically, I was having them identify their teacher, what their teacher needed for the A, and then make a decision. Am I prepared to do what it takes to get an A in this class? Because now I know what the teacher expects of me.
Kristina:Oh, I love that. Yes.
Herb:I hurt my head. Brain damage, Life fell apart, got real dark. I'm so a whole nother story.
One of the things that really helped me is, is when I actually started studying the mbti because I, you know, when I was a teenager, like, oh, yeah, that's cool, I'm a, I got a label, blah, blah, blah.
When I hurt myself and went back through it and looked at it more, it explained so many of my behaviors and the way I defaulted and how I could sometimes be slightly different. And then I was like, oh. And then, like I said, I was able to start modifying my behaviors.
It's like, oh, I want to do this because that makes my brain more comfortable. But I know that this would be better for me. So I'm going to change my decision making in this moment.
Even though it's more comfortable to do that, to do what I know is better for me over here. I'm an infj. We are very much in that patterns and habits.
I go to the restaurant, I order the same thing every time for years and years and years figured that out. So for the last three years, whenever I go to a restaurant, I intentionally try and order something I haven't had before. It's super uncomfortable.
I've had amazing meals.
So, you know, it's like you learn these things and then you can like put little interrupts in place to, to give yourself an experience outside of what your personality. So it gave me tools to expand my, my experiences.
Isla Reddin:Well, I, I am an infp. Infp, so.
Herb:So you're perceptive instead of judgment. Yep. So you don't have the INFJ door slam that, oh, you get out of my life.
Isla Reddin:So. No, not at all. I have the. What's the next possibility? What could be, I look at change the American education system. Oh my gosh.
Wouldn't that be exciting?
Herb:It would be, it would be incredible.
Isla Reddin:And if we had a magic wand, that's the infp.
Kristina:Though maybe I tend more towards that then.
Isla Reddin:Anyway.
Kristina:Yeah, no, I mean, then this is, you know, the message I think parents need to hear out of this portion that we were just talking about that is that if you have a label, if you have a diagnosis, it's not the end, it's actually the beginning. What can you do with you, your family, your child to help them be the most successful using that information? Right. If they labeled autistic, awesome.
They're not in a box. Now you're going to figure out how to help them be the best that they can be and move forward from that spot. Right.
If they're adhd, how are you going to give them the tools and the whatever it is that helps them move forward from that spot and be successful. Right. And that's such a key thing.
So if the parents want to feel shame, they should be feel shame for giving their kid a diagnosis and then just sticking with that diagnosis and not trying to move forward. Yeah, that's where the shame comes.
Herb:The diagnosis is to the page in the book, in the human manual, like adhd. Okay. That means you now have to start bringing these behaviors in to Balance your life. That's what that means.
It doesn't mean you're crippled or, or broken.
Isla Reddin:Oh my gosh.
Herb:You have to bring in different tools.
Isla Reddin:But you know, I, I coach. Well, inevitably I coach a lot of ADHD managers. A lot.
Kristina:Yep.
Isla Reddin:Brilliant people. Massively disorganized.
So all it, it really is in my view is just taking what are the areas in your world that are a challenge to you, that you don't like, that you don't feel successful? And how are we going to give you the tools and the strategies to manage them? Because there's genius everywhere.
But you don't need to be doing things that are absolutely miserable and painful for you. That's stupid.
Kristina:Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. Wow. This has been such a great conversation.
So thinking about back to whenever you're starting to work with parents and try to get them to, you know, take that jump, right? Oh, I am ashamed of not having the great relationship. My kids being, you know, obnoxious, whatever. I can't get them to be successful.
What's one other tip that maybe you can give our parents to kind of think about and like, what's a step they can take to re. Fix that relationship or bring that communication back in play?
Herb:Well, yeah. Where's the starting point?
Isla Reddin:So for me, the, the starting point in, in all the work that I do with, with parents and when I, and I do a lot of free workshops and things like that, what the, the big aha for parents is understanding the brain, understanding the adolescent brain and the fact that it does not complete growth until 25 to 30 years old.
So there is no way that a 15 year old is going to be capable of delivering the kind of expectation that you put on them for a whole bunch of things that we think that they're just young, young adults.
They're, I mean, we say, we even use the terminology young adults, they're not, they're in an adolescent time of brain development that of course it's got hormones with it as well. But it's not the hormonal development that is the big challenge. It is what's going on in the brain. And it's.
That point of changing from child to adult is the same as changing from caterpillar to butterfly. A complete and utter metamorphosis. The brain changes completely when parents have that piece.
It's gold because it's what allows parents generally to step back and go, oh, I don't know what I'm doing, because I couldn't possibly know what I'm doing. It's not. I couldn't possibly know. Nobody ever explained this to me. We're left to parent without any tools or understanding whatsoever.
So getting that, just getting that piece is, is opens the door or opens a window at least into. There's so much more going on than I ever, ever imagined.
And if somebody can help me understand that better, I can get my connection back with my kid.
Kristina:Oh, I love that. Yeah. And that, that's right there, like you said, is just huge. If they can just have that understanding.
Because once they have that understanding, then they're looking at things differently. It's not that they're choosing to maybe behave badly. It's not that they're choosing to be irresponsible.
There's something going on in the brain and the development that isn't connected yet. And then they can help make that connection for them and maybe help them move out of it. Right?
Isla Reddin:Yeah. I mean, what, what I always teach is, you are your child.
So the prefrontal cortex front of the brain is where planning, emotional control, organization, future, future thinking, all of that consequence is all in the front of the brain. If that's not online until they're 25 or 30, we've got some challenges. So the parent has to be that brain guide. What, what am I seeing, hearing?
What is my, my kid talking about? How can I then be the guide to help them make more understanding of that and use it to move forward with.
Instead of saying that the kid, it's broken, the child is broken. They're making stupid choices. They could be making stupid choices, but it's called adolescence. It's a period.
Herb:That's how they learn.
Isla Reddin:It's hard. It's, it's, it's normal.
Herb:I'm 55. I still make stupid choices. I learned from all of them, like yesterday.
Isla Reddin:We do and we do, no matter what age we are. I mean, that's the process of being human.
Kristina:Yeah, but part. Okay, so part of what you just said, then. So should we be keeping our kids around until they're 25 then if their brain isn't developed?
That's a little scary because we do need to have our kids out there and living.
Herb:Oh, see, I'm even more radical. I think children shouldn't even be able to vote until they're 25. I think eight voting age. Because it's like there are so many.
The, the difference in mentality between 20 and 25 is, like, vast.
Isla Reddin:Yeah. But you know, I have again, several. Failure to launch kids that, that I'm working with.
Kristina:Yeah.
Herb:And in the school system, they would figure out the system. And no matter how your best efforts, they could just kind of wheedle and push and just.
Isla Reddin:Well. But failure to launch is. They're still home. They're 22 years old. They haven't completed their degrees. They're.
They don't have the critical thinking ability, they don't have. They're. They've. They don't have the confidence. They don't have the skill set to go out and face the world right now.
Herb:That's a really big problem with a lot. A lot of people.
Isla Reddin:It's a ton. It's a huge problem. And.
And I will say, because I coach several kids that are like that, that when I look at their history, it makes perfect sense to me why they've ended up terrified of making decisions, completely brainwashed by the way their parents were giving them their information, the way that they were being led or guided.
It's not surprising to me that with the kids that I am working with, why they are the way they are, my job is to give them back the confidence and the competencies that have them feel capable of taking a step forward. But this failure to launch piece, it's huge. It's. It's epidemic with boys especially.
Herb:Yeah.
Kristina:Yeah. Wow. And that, that takes me back to, you know, when we're working with the younger parent, the parents of younger children. Right.
You know, we used to label them helicopter parents.
Is like, you've got to let your children grow and fail within those younger years so that they can gain that confidence, so they can understand without these big consequences like not being able to get a job or not being able to move out of the house.
Herb:And our young men.
I wasn't going to necessarily go in there, but the media, the television has been making fun of fathers and young men and toxic masculinity and all of this stuff. So they've been emasculating a whole generation of young, young men and making them look like stupid monsters.
And then people wonder why a generation of young men is. Is having trouble getting out there. So again, like you said, if you really look at what's going on, it's obvious why.
Why this generation is just so battered right now.
Isla Reddin:Yeah, very. I mean, it. The. The level of pain is. Is excruciating. And, you know, one of the things, when I start my talks, I always start with the data.
48% of parents report being so totally stressed that they're almost incapable of functioning several days a week. 42% of kids, high school Kids report feeling lonely, isolated, and have no. Or a sense of hopelessness and helplessness.
And our suicide rates are the second leading cause of death of kids 14 to 25.
Kristina:Wow, that's. That's worse than I thought.
Isla Reddin:And it's primarily boys. Boys four times more likely to die by suicide than girls. Girls attempt more. Boys carry through, follow through.
Kristina:Yeah. Wow, that's even worse than I thought. More of an imperative for us to continue these conversations, right?
Us out there talking more about it, sharing more about it. This podcast, the summits that we do every single time that we're able to talk with parents and let them know, you're not alone, you're not alone.
There are other families, other, you know, parents in your shoes, and there's people like us out here hoping to help you just reach out. We are here for you. No shame, no blame. Let's just work on moving forward.
Herb:You know, I'm. I used to be called a conspiracy theorist, but now it's just kind of realism.
But America's been under attack, and, you know, they've been talking about the New World Order and the One world government for 30 or 40 years now. And there can be no One World Government if there's a United States.
So part of this dumbing down of America and the destruction of our education system is kind of planned to break up the families and to destroy this country. And so that. That really does kind of seem to be what's going on. And so a lot of. A lot of what we're doing as well is to strengthen the family.
Because if we can strengthen the family, if we can get the education, if we can get people understanding really what's happening, then. Then we feel it'll really make a difference and can. Can bring unity back.
Isla Reddin:Yeah, I think the unit is. Is the family, and it's worth the. Is worth the fight. Absolutely.
Kristina:Is there anything that we haven't gotten to. That you were really hoping to touch on today?
Herb:Because we went all over the place. We kind of. We kind of just blew. What. What did you want to talk about today? Did we actually ever get there?
Isla Reddin:Well, yeah, I think so. I mean, I think maybe. Maybe the. The. The biggest takeaway that parents can have from this is. Is this topic is very big, and it's complex.
It's like a complex web of all these different aspects that are parenting, that are taking care of our kids, that are education. And the best thing that a parent can do is to really understand that it is complex.
And there's so many different things don't be afraid of asking for help for the one thing that shows up today that's on your mind, of who could help me come up with an answer to this. So recently, it's interesting, recently I've been writing scripts for my parents. So, you know, parents, I'm dealing with this. How should I say that?
Because they're so anxious in the moment. Parents are walking on eggshells. I don't want to trigger another argument, but I need to deal with this.
So I'm, you know, I've been coaching for 25 or 28 years.
I, I produce little scripts for them, of using the form, formulating the words in a way in which it's non confrontational, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And it really, really helps because here's the thing. Parents aren't trained for this. I mean they really aren't.
People like me go to school to learn what I learned and then I have all the experience because I've been doing it for so many years. So I just hope that parents can come away going, oh, there's more to this. It's not just about academics or about arguing. It's, it's complex.
But there are people out there that want to talk about this and want to help us.
Kristina:Yeah, exactly. Beautiful. Awesome. And also right now, go ahead and drop your information. How can parents get a hold of you if this conversation has resonated?
If you're like, oh my gosh, this is the person that's going to help me with my family. How did they get a hold of you?
Isla Reddin:I'm going to drop my, my website in here and my email address.
Kristina:Okay. Make sure you say it out loud as well because it's on the recording. And then we'll make sure it's, we'll.
Herb:Make sure it's also in the show.
Kristina:In the show notes.
Herb:Yeah, so all, all of your information will already be down below.
Kristina:Yeah, but just say that. Yes.
Isla Reddin:So, so my, my, my website is islareden.com pretty simple. And my email address is Isla C R A C K T-H-E-T-E-E-N C-O-E.com and I welcome everybody into my community.
The more people we have that are thinking about this, are talking about this, are sharing their own strategies, the things they did well, the things that they didn't do as well as they would like to, we're all learning. So I really hope that people will reach out and connect.
Kristina:Beautiful. Thank you so very, very much. Audience. You know, this is why we do this show. Every single week, we drop a new episode.
Talking with someone like Isla, who has that heart, who has that soul for helping families do the next best thing right? Don't worry about the shame. Don't worry about, oh, I messed up. Don't worry about, oh, my gosh, I can't get out of this.
Because you can when you take that courageous step to ask for help and seek another person to talk about ideas and help your family grow and move forward. So please take all of this information, do the encourage and the empowered thing, and take the next step.
Herb:And, Ila, I would like to thank you for being here today. There are so many people in this world who see problems and just talk about it, who try and do something and run up against the wall and just quit.
And you went out and you fought your dragon and it kicked your butt, and you quit and you got up and you fought another dragon and. And it kicked your butt and you figured out how to get around it.
And then once you did, you came home and you're helping other families, you're helping other people so that they don't have to fight those same dragons. And that is the hero's journey. And so you are a hero. You are making the world a better place.
And when you do reach that child and their eyes shine, that that is your gold. And so thank you for being here today. Thank you for making the world a better place. And thank you for sharing your story on our podcast today.
Isla Reddin:Oh, thank you both very much for the opportunity.
This is what keeps me doing what I'm doing, that I can talk about this stuff to people who get it as well and we can make a change and difference together.
Herb:Yes.
Kristina:And that is a plan. So you know what to do. Audience like, review, comment, share all those things to help us get this message out to parents and families who need it.
Until next week, thank you so much for being with us and make sure that you are clicking into bringing education home@educationathome.com oh, my goodness. And we will talk to you later. Bye for now.
Herb:Bye for now.
