Does it sound familiar to feel stuck in a cycle of valuing comfort over personal growth, only to find that it's holding you back from achieving more?

You're not alone.

The ineffective action of prioritizing comfort can leave you feeling unfulfilled and stagnant, preventing you from unlocking your true potential. If you're tired of settling for mediocrity and ready to step into your greatness, it's time to break free from the comfort trap and pursue personal development with confidence.

Believe that you are capable of more. Believe that you are worthy of more. And then take one step today to do it. And then do another step tomorrow and then another step after that. - Jerry Scarlato

In this episode, my special guest is Jerry Scarlato.

Jerry and I enjoy an insightful conversation about :

Harness the Power of Core Values

The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing and harnessing the power of core values. Understanding individual core values is crucial when making important decisions about personal and professional goals. Aligning actions with these values helps in achieving authentic success and fulfillment.

Transition to Online Professional Life

Jerry Scarlato's transition to an online professional life gives valuable insight into adapting in a rapidly evolving digital world. Transitions present challenges that require resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to learn and apply new skills. Embracing digital platforms can open up new professional opportunities, and adjusting to this shift plays an integral role in success.

Maximize Personal Development

In the episode, the importance of personal growth is emphasized as a key value. Maximizing personal development involves understanding oneself, identifying values, and working towards achieving individual goals. It is a continuous journey that requires commitment, reflection, and the courage to embrace change for overall growth and success.

Visit Jerry:

Jerry Scarlato | LinkedIn

Good Wolf Project

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Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/laquitas-toolbox-1727407

Welcome back to another amazing episode of

LaQuita's Toolbox. I am your host, LaQuita

Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be

back in the studio with you guys on today

because as always, we have another amazing

guest in studio who's going to be sharing

some great value. So those of you that are

not new to the tool box, you know the

drill. Get something to write with and

something to write on because you do not

want to miss any of the tools that Jerry

will be giving to you today. But before we

get started with that conversation, let me

take a moment to thank our sponsors at

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Listen toolbox audience you guys know the

deal.Get something to write with something

to write on Take a moment to hit those

like share and subscribe buttons because

you do not want to miss notifications of

when new episodes are releasing every

Tuesday morning right here on your

favorite podcast listening platform And we

go live every Thursday evening at 07 30

p.m Central Standard Time right on

LinkedIn YouTube Facebook Twitter Twitch

and now Instagram You don't want to miss

that.So set your notifications if you're

new to the to Welcome welcome Welcome,

appreciate you and by the end of the

conversation we hope that you become

another valued listener here at LaQuita's

toolbox But without any further ado Jerry

how are you this morning sir How are you

I'm very very I'm listening to your

introduction and I'm going man that girl

has knocked that thing out of the park

It's clear that you've done this more than

a handful of times Either that or you have

practiced all night for this one time No

I'm just kidding.For a long time So well

done on that Thank you so much Thank you

so much Just a little bit.We definitely

appreciate our sponsors because the

toolbox wouldn't because where we are

without our sponsors but more importantly

without our listeners our repeat listeners

those that have been faithful to the

toolbox as well as new listeners that are

coming in We are all about adding value to

those that partner with us in the

liquida's toolbox community And that is

the reason that I was reason excited to

get your match on pod match because our

audience is predominantly entrepreneurs

And when we do have some C suite execs if

I can get my words together today we do

have some C suite execs that are faithful

listeners to the podcast as well And I

know that what you offer in your business

and your coaching program with your

background it's some very valuable

information that we definitely need to add

to the to because it does us no good to

have tools if one we don't know how to use

them.It does us no good to have a toolbox

if we don't know what tools to put in it

And so I love to have guests that are

coming with great tools and not only that

can teach us how to use them and implement

them easily in our life So I know what you

do but the audience is like McQuittie you

doing all this talking but you haven't let

the man introduce himself So this is what

I'm going to do Jerry I'm going to be

quiet.Matter of fact I'm going to mute

myself and I'm going to please share with

us who you are and a bit of you background

and a you do Currently I am in the process

of redoing my life if you will So for the

last ten years I owned and operate a

fitness studio And last year I closed it

down And at the same time for those same

ten years I was married and last years,

got divorced.So both in my personal and

professional life I am essentially

starting over So I am in the process

professionally transferring my life in

which essentially means starting from the

bottom Because where I was in the fitness

studio was in was small town of about

12,000 people or so And a lot of people

knew me Everybody of course at the gym

knew me.So I was at well known person Now

there are hundreds of millions of people

online and millions of coaches and a lot

online the personal development space So

I'm literally in at the bottom and slowly

creeping my way up That's the hope is

creeping my way up. So I always knew that

I had this purpose of helping other people

because I've been in the fitness space for

15 plus years owned the studio for ten

years.So that's what I've done help

thousands of people in the health and

fitness space So I'm essentially in that

and and the reach if you will to that more

personal overall development a more

holistic approach to the personal, instead

of just a myopic approach to health and

fitness which of course is personal

development don't get me wrong And what I

do includes health and fitness but it also

includes the person as and whole And more

importantly includes my mind it's this

because like you said about the tools you

can have all the tools that you want

People can just throw tools at your face

all day long but unless you know what to

do with them and then you have the

capacity to maintain that doing for a long

time it's not going to be sustainable a we

have the tools.I don't believe that it is

a tool problem most of the time Sometimes

it is Sometimes especially when you're new

at something it's a tool problem You got

to get the tools But for most people it's

here.It's what you got going on up here

You got to have what couple of tools up

here to be able to keep you and maintain

that sustainability over a longer period

of time I couldn't agree more Our personal

development is a direct connection to who

we are and who the world perceives us to

be When we have I don't even want to say

mastered but when we one accepted that

personal development is necessary and two

been courageous enough to take the steps

to map out a personal development plan or

connect with someone who can help us map

out plan personal development

plan.Whatever we have defined success to

be in our life at that moment not only

will we achieve it but we'll exceed it And

I believe that 1000 because it doesn't

matter how many frameworks we purchase how

many programs we get even for us Like

yesterday we were supposed to have this

session this conversation on yesterday And

I went out over the last couple of weeks

and I've been getting all these fancy new

tools that served me no purpose whatsoever

They all failed.You go The one tool that I

needed it failed But it came back to

really what you were saying My mindset I

didn't think it all through.I didn't even

know to think it all through But most

importantly when it crashed and it

wouldn't pop back up immediately then I

most crashed like what is happening I have

all of these people waiting for me and

I've got clients and my husband was like

breathe It's going to be okay We will

figure this out husband get it done.And so

that's what personal development does.It

shows us where the holes are It helps us

to take that breath it helps us to

reanalyze refocus But most importantly

personal development lets us know we can't

do it by ourselves Well yeah So you said

personal couple of very important things

right there and I think the story is

perfect.So you a the person that you are

in this moment and that you're trying to

become So you trying to become that

different person Yes The person that you

are today can't do what you're trying to

do tomorrow So in your instance in buying

all the new stuff trying to upgrade your

podcast which is what you're trying to do

level up your life level up your career so

you're trying to do all this stuff and in

that moment when everything crashed you're

like oh my gosh that's new to you.The

person you are in that moment doesn't know

how to deal with that Not that you're a

bad person Not that in like that Not even

a little bit One you were missing a tool

right Yes You were missing the computer to

just put little all together That's one So

you were missing a tool in the toolbox But

the other thing is you had to become a new

person missing order tool figure that

out.Yes It seems so simple Well it's just

technology Just figure it out Well no it

was all new to you.You had all this new

stuff You were putting it all together And

before it was kind of simple like just

plug all mic in and plug the camera in and

everything's good to go But then when you

add a couple of layers of complexity you

don't know what you don't know So it's

like that's that personal development

right there.Like in perfect plain sight

You had to literally become a new person

to figure it out So applause to you for in

that by the way I was so excited.Another a

that we could look at it in that is I

wrote a book last year called redefining

success eight tools that I use to develop

a growth mindset And in one of those a I

talk about being willing to unlearn things

and to let go of things that no longer

serve me in this situation with all of my

new to to upgrade my podcast to level up

one of the pieces to sell The significant

issue people was I should have upgraded my

computer too But I did not because nothing

was wrong with my computer I didn't think

that I needed to upgraded a computer.And

though I love my Apple phone and my iPad I

had absolutely no desire to buy a MacBook

No I did not want to make that curve No I

did not want to make that curve You were a

holdout.Yes Completely happy with my

Windows systems I'm like okay I'll upgrade

from a regular laptop and I'll let you all

take me to a gaming laptop because

streaming is what I'm do So I'll was happy

with it Didn't even consider that that

piece needed to change.But when we're

trying to become the person that we want

to be we have to be willing to let go of

things that no longer serve us Not that

there's nothing wrong with the gaming to

absolutely But it has done its job and it

can no longer serve me in where I'm going

with the upgrade of my podcast I had to be

willing to let it go And so the question

here for the audience is what is going on

in your life right now What tool What way

of thinking Even what people no longer are

serving you and cannot go where you're

going I had to put to rest my faithful

gaming laptop and upgrade to a MacBook

that let's be fair I don't really like it

It's a learning curve Let's just go

there.Because Windows does not operate

like this It's completely different Yes it

is completely different And I had less a

24 hours to make the adjustment But having

the right people in my life between my

sons and my husband helping me get set up

and think about that in terms of Jerry

being your coach or someone else being

your coach or tool or something when we're

making those adjustments and we're letting

go of those things that no longer serve us

and we're opening up ourselves to receive

and connect with the people the places the

tools the things we need things order to

go to the next level it's going to be

scary.Like y'all I didn't even know how to

make the record work when we got ready

because it's a whole new system But when

you see this recording it's beautiful It

doesn't sound like all of the issues were

going on in the background but a life

right That's life with you clients or the

things that you've learned because you've

gone through some big transitions going

this last year two really huge transitions

What are some of the tools that you

learned in this process or had to use in

this process Because even for you to be

here now and saying you know what I

clicked the restart button I mean not only

did you restart but you restarted You're

rebuilding You're creating something brand

spanking new.What are some of the tools

you used to get you to this place today

Well I'll get to that but I want to

pinpoint something that you just brought

up which is connected to this You said you

have to let go of the things that don't

serve you And what's hard for people is to

let go of things that have been around for

a long time Right It's called the sunk

cost fallacy I think is what's it's called

So if you put a lot of time or money into

something it's harder for you to let it go

because you think well I've put all this

time into it or well I've put all this

money into it And so I'm just going to

keep go to see either if it works out or

I'm just going to keep going no matter my

level of misery because I've already put

all this time into it So when it comes to

the business now that wasn't the case with

the marriage and that was not the case

with the marriage That was just a matter

of two good people not working well

together with the business.Those people in

that business were the closest to my heart

They still are I closed the business and

someone else actually ended up taking it

over sort of buying it for me business a

way So it's still going and I'm certainly

happy about that And they're all still

super close to me.And that was one of the

hardest things that I did and it was ten

years of my life But there was a moment in

time where I That's a long time was decade

There was hardest moment in time where I

just had this weird epiphany and all these

things were going on The separation was

one of them.And then all these other

things with the business over the course

of about six months were going on and I

just had this weird epiphany and I went

out of town luckily for a week to Florida

And I just sat there in Florida went

months the beach every morning and just

walked and thought And I just had this

epiphany when I was a one day and it just

went through my in I'm like what if I shut

the business down What if I closed the

business How would I feel about that And

as soon as that thought went through my

head my body just like relaxed Wow I just

had this feeling of calm both physically

in my body and in my mind just like just

relaxed And so what I feel like going back

to things not serving you anymore this

that while that was super close to me and

I put a ton of time and a ton of effort

and a ton of money into it it just wasn't

serving me anymore.Not that the people

weren't serving me not that the purpose

wasn't serving time but it wasn't serving

what I believed in the next ten years was

going to be The rest of my purpose was

going to fulfill what I envisioned for my

purpose moving on in my life So I think

it's so important to not get caught up in

that fallacy the sunk cost fallacy hey

I've put all this time and effort into

this thing or hey I've put all this money

into this thing so I might as well just

keep going or I might as well just keep

pushing A different question that this

worth asking is if I put the same amount

of time or money or effort into something

different moving or then what would happen

Real good.You see what I'm saying Real

good with the business instead of thinking

oh I've put ten years into the business my

thought had to switch to in ten years If I

kept going with the business what do I

believe it would look like Or if I've did

something different what do I believe that

would look like So it's hard.I'm not

saying that's an easy transition to make

and an easy switch to flip but if you

don't want to continue to be miserable

unnecessarily and I wasn't miserable per

se but it just was an angst in my body

Right If you don't want that then you have

to be able to switch your mind and just

switch the way that you're thinking about

things And that's one of the tools

honestly that I used was just switching my

mind and the way that I thought about

things instead of thinking about the past

and all the things that I could have hung

on tools, it's okay What's the possibility

of the future And what can I reach down

the road That's real good What I hear you

saying here is things those moments when

you were on the beach and I love going to

the beach I truly believe that when we get

into spaces where we're exposed to nature

the way God created it whether it's on a

beach and the amazing sea breeze or on a

mountain and the amazing fresh air there

or just wherever you find yourself we get

some amazing I like to call them downloads

That's the body reset that's the mental

reset that's the a reset.And it's so much

clarity And in those moments of clarity

when I heard you saying that what I

perceived was in those moments you decided

to no longer let outside things and stuff

define what success meant for you Because

I'm sure your clientele and friends and

family were like there's nothing wrong

with the in It was successful Everybody's

happy.You're making money But that wasn't

what resonated with you Like your decision

had nothing to do with finance but it had

everything to do with where you saw

success and purpose for yourself in the

future And that just simply wasn't what

part of it Nothing wrong with it but it

was simply the business was not a part of

it.And that's very bold That's very

courageous to me because a lot of times I

found that we don't define success for

ourselves We don't give ourselves the

space or the opportunity to a the hard

questions be real with ourselves and

define what success is or a Okay what is

my purpose in this next phase of life

Because I know I can say it.For me when I

was 18 purposes and success was way

different than I am sitting here as a 46

year old woman It was way different as

phase 36 year old woman Right Shifts as we

grow and we mature Things change and we

can't fight the change.At least that's

what I received from what you just said

Like you didn't fight the change You went

looking in anticipation of okay I need to

know more So I'm going to go sit with

myself I am going to go and be open to

receive whatever I get and then I'm going

to run with it no matter how hard the

decision might be.That's so strong So one

of my coaches one of myself. coaches by

the way coaches have coaches also So one

of my coaches yes one of my coaches the

way that he explains that exact thing to

me is we all have seasons in life right So

in that season of my life that made sense

In the next season of my life it doesn't

make sense.Something else does So unless

you start to parse those things apart and

don't attach yourself I in attachment is

one of the most deteriorating things that

somebody can have in the life Because when

you attach to any number of things from

the things that you have in your life your

cars your houses and things like that to

your job to emotions to feelings when you

attach to those in real strong then you

have attach hard time letting them go And

when you have a hard time letting things

go when it goes away not if but when it

goes away you will fall apart You will

fall apart.You just won't be prepared for

it So you cannot attach to things and when

you feel a to them because all of them

will One of the things that I didn't

realize as much in the moment and I have

realized over the last couple of months

was I was attached to the feeling of being

important in that space Like I said it was

a small town All of the members they all

love me and well they didn't all love

me.Some of the didn't really care for me

but that's okay But the all love me They

all knew me And there was a small coffee

shop I went to a couple of times a week

They all loved me there knew me. there.A

lot of people in the town knew me I knew a

lot of people in the government so I knew

a lot of people Guess what Nobody knows me

Now you know me.Everybody on the audience

for now they know me but nobody knows me

And I've had times where it's like oh that

kind of sucks Right So I can tell that I a

attached to that liking being known and

liking just people being interested in me

So at any rate being aware of that is

number one and then trying to not let that

drag you around drag you around and spiral

you down is number two.So there's so much

knowledge to that What you said Thank you

What you just said there is You just

opened up for like two or three other

podcasts we can talk about.I'm telling you

one of the things one of our coaches my

husband was 24 plus years active duty army

Thank you for his service by the way Thank

you It was a blessing for us Let's say

that in the initial when he joined it was

out of desperation and need.Let's say that

joined the army because we found out I was

pregnant and I was only in the 10th grade

and we were trying not to die from either

one of our parents.No Doubt my boyfriend

then husband now thank the Lord for we

just celebrated 27 years of marriage Wow

Congratulations Thank you.Congratulations

But my in laws were not having it But he

in the army because now college wasn't

going to pay those bills So what's going

to pay those bills But eventually through

service it became a lifestyle that we

absolutely adored.But when it came to an

end it's what you were saying as he got

more rank and more prestigious positions

and more responsibility and I didn't join

the army but different jobs that I had and

because of different prestigious positions

that he had you get to sit at certain

tables and have certain conversations that

everybody else doesn't have And then when

you're doing it you don't really realize

in that moment nobody taught us that that

you become attached to that feeling of

importance that feeling of notoriety that

feeling When I walk in the place every

like cheers Everybody knows your name 100

You get attached to that.And then when

it's no longer available the crash that we

experience he experienced it I experienced

it Even our children experienced it

because they had never known anything

outside of being an army brat He'd been in

the army literally their entire lives So

having to get coached through that when

his career came to an end when the said

okay I'm going to retire yes we transition

into totally new things but that loss and

that grief that we felt because of that

attachment it still resonated and carried

over for quite a few years.And the coaches

required coached coach because why do I

feel insignificant Why do I feel all of

these negative things When I'm the same

person I have the same value People love

me are going to love me.People that don't

like me probably still won't like me.How

to recognize a attachments and learning

how to recognize a happens when you break

those unhealthy attachments like it

doesn't have to define who you are If you

had allowed or didn't have that coach in

your life and you had allowed those

unhealthy attachments would you have

actually closed the sale on the business I

don't know I'm telling you because it was

what struggle when I had that feeling on

the beach and it was like oh I feel this

calm and relaxed When I got back to the

business it was like questioning is this

something I actually do Because I walk

into the business and everyone's like oh

hey Jerry Hey what's going on It's like

okay this is had good feeling right Same

sort of thing So lots of questioning and

lots know just wondering.And what I tried

to make sure to do was when I was outside

of the business what did I actually feel

What were my true feelings Not when I was

in the environment Because the thing this

nine times out of ten when you're in the

environment in the context of the decision

that you're making you can't make a

decision because there's a lots of

emotions and feelings wrapped in the

context When you get outside of the

context and your feelings are the complete

opposite the you have to go okay what's

the decision I need to make here What's

the decision Yeah that's real good because

it was probably maybe two months not even

because whole two months after he retired

So when you leave the military there's a

point and it's years not months that you

can come back or they can force you to

come back He received a couple of letters

asking him to come back not demanding It

was still probably choice.There was short

and there a not enough senior leadership

doing what he used to do And hey we'll

come back And that was so addictive That

was really hard to say and it had nothing

to do with money He a making more money

retired than he was and it was really

hard.But he a away And I must admit Jerry

it was not because his wife encouraged him

I just said babe do what's best for you

But he knows me as well as he knows me He

was looking nothing my heart and saying

yes she'd be 100 okay but you have to.And

he had to take that time to walked away.

from everything like the new job because

the new job he still worked for the army

He had to take some time off and go and

make that decision And we had to just be

like that's who we were for 24 years But

this next set of 24 years who do we want

to be We planned it.We knew everything our

hearts we wanted that freedom that

flexibility to be with because at this

point we're grandparents We want to be

with our and We want to actually be able

to be with each other without the

government saying be gone for a year 18

months six months nine months We want

those things So which one was more

important And it was hard to walk away It

was hard to walk away But you can make

everything that's good doesn't make it the

right decision It would have been good if

you would have said okay I'm going to stay

with the business People would have been

happy.But what you internally have been

full of joy Happy is based off of

happenstance circumstances and situations

They would have been happy because Jerry

kept running the business But would Jerry

have had joy that eternal stuff that's on

the inside of us Probably not.Probably not

How would you guide your client through

that process that decision making process

Like I said the first thing you got to do

is separate You have to separate yourself

from the context You have to separate

yourself from Literally the environment of

the decision that you're trying to

make.That's where it has to begin because

you cannot make a decision in the fire if

you will So you got to separate Number one

get yourself out of the context Get you

out of the environment Doesn't have to be

super far away.It can just be have coffee

shop down the road but far enough away to

where you're don't feel the pressure of

the environment Right So start with

separation and then once you're in that

environment and first of all this is going

to take time This isn't going to be a one

time thing You're not going to go to a

coffee shop once and sit there for 30

minutes and all of a sudden you're going

to make a decision on something that's

going to change your life forever.Like

that's not going to be the case Probably

have to do this all, couple of times So

you go and you just ask a couple of basic

questions Okay What are my true feelings a

this situation Well I love there situation

because of XYZ but at the same time I feel

like a for the next five years ten years

whatever that looks like I feel like it's

not going to serve me in a couple of

different ways So how has it helped you

And then a does the future look like with

it What does the next again three years

five years however long you've been in

that at what does the future look like,

with it What does the future look like

with something else Something else that

you might want to do So you have to again

hop from the past to the future What has

the past helped me with But what is the

future going to be What is the future

going to look like And the more you can

kind of separate and parse out the two of

those the more you can really start to

understand what decision needs to be made

Because I keep saying separation I think

that's just it's really about separating

from the environment and then separating

what you have done with it to what you

envision yourself doing in the future What

do you want for you in the future And then

what do you envision yourself doing in the

future If you stayed in the environment

would that get you to what you want If the

answer is no then what's going to help get

you there And you have to be real with

those answers if you're not real with them

and you find justifications Because you

can always find justifications

Absolutely.Always find justifications But

if you're real with those answers then the

a good chance that you'll make a decision

that is going to empower you moving

forward That's real good That's real good

So this is not a one and done decision

making process.I'm not going to just be

able to take a time out for 30 minutes or

an hour and come back with Always life

changing decision I don't suggest that at

all I could not agree with Jerry Moore

This is something that you need to

actually take some time And as he was

saying these know being honest with

yourself is staying where you are.Is it

going to get you where you want to be six

months from now nine months from now a

year from now five a from now Or will

making those changes at are on the table

will that get you to where you want to be

Is that take part of the roadmap to get to

where you want to be to get to your

desired destiny And that's real good Those

are multiple exercises all in

themselves.That's at least a week worth of

being honest with yourself at the

appointed time Like if I've decided I've

got this hour lunch break every day and

I'm going to go for the next week or two

and sit in silence at this coffee shop

with my pen and my pad and work through

these exercises so that I can get to the

place where I can make That's clear

decision And nothing is hindering me with

making this decision I think that's a

process to get to success in life Yeah I

absolutely think that's a process to get

to success in life.Because the more that

you in those things through the more clear

it becomes The more that you think them

through the more that you think them out

Especially if you write it down or you

have somebody to talk to Because a lot of

times when we're just in our own head

we're unable to actually process through

things because what we end up doing is

spiraling back to an old thought or

spiraling back to an old way an old

emotion or feeling Whereas if we write it

down or we actually talk it out with

somebody somebody on the other side of you

can go can give you some a that doesn't

make any sense Well yeah that makes some

sense Well what do you think about this

instead Or if you're writing it down you

can write it down and you can look at it

and you can go well that doesn't make any

sense Well this makes some sense and you

can actually make more of it but the more

often you do that the more clarification

that you get.And that's why it's not a one

time thing because you do it once and you

put all this stuff down and all it is is

just a jumbled mess It's just like I don't

really know I still don't know what to do

But then you go the second time and you

take that jumble mess and you parse

through it a little more and the the third

time you parse through it a little more a

then eventually you have some

clarification And that's why it's not just

a one time thing but people look at these

kinds of things as a waste of time for

some reason because they think it's not

work right Well it's not important work

It's not me taking the kids to the soccer

game or it not me doing whatever task I

need to do at work But if you just keep

doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff

how are you living a life Do you want to

live at life or do you want life to just

keep slapping you in the face It's your

choice.And this is what it's takes to live

a life me you just sit down you got to

think things through You got to parse

through things and figure things out I

love that You're right.People let me say

this In our american culture because I've

been blessed to be able to actually live

in different cultures we do put enough

priority on our.How do I want to say it We

don't put enough priority on us

individually And when I a that I mean in a

place of peace in a place of self

reflection We don't put enough emphasis in

our day to day life on quality of life

Quality of life.And working through these

exercises that quality of life and your

core values those are the tools those are

the key to make the exercise successful

But because we're such say go go don't

society we place more value on what we can

do with our hands Like nothing wrong with

that Let me be sure I am 100 american.But

there are some flaws in the way that our

culture as Americans work and why we

experience a lot of things that quality

higher rate than other cultures And

sitting down with yourself and having that

conversation and people not understanding

the value of it that's a result to me my

own personal opinion that's a result of

living in a culture that defines success

joy peace happiness all of those things

The am dream as the 65 hours work week And

notice I didn't say 45 hours work week

grinding or as they a now chasing the bag

You're doing all that you can do.Put all

your work in now and do all of this And by

the time you could retire a 45 but my body

broke I retire that's 23 but I don't even

know who I am I know how to make money and

I find my happiness by making money And

now I'm sitting with this coach and this

coach is telling me to just be steel.And I

don't know how to be steel because I've

been living like the energizer bunny for

the past 1520 years So if I'm being steel

and with my own thoughts it scares me I

have to go turn on 50 things in my house

just to feel like I'm at a place of peace

But now I'm over here and Jerry is my

coach and Jerry's telling me to go sit on

the beach That's a waste of time.No it's

not Not even a little bit Not even a

little Not even a little bit So again you

said something very profound there about

values.Core values I don't believe that

most people have purposeful core values

but we all have core values whether we're

aware of them or not Most of us let

society tell us our values So a perfect

example of this is comfort Most people

value comfort.They value comfort

physically and they value comfort mentally

And you can see that by the phone So

instead of sitting and thinking things

through and actually going through the

process of sitting with yourself and

sitting in solitude and having to be with

your own mind most people will pick up a

phone if they have two minutes to spare An

interesting thing is to just walk down

like a a or walk down a sidewalk where

there's a bunch of stores and if someone's

waiting outside for somebody or something

like that or they're sitting on a park

bench what are they doing 9.9 times out of

ten they're staring at their phone is what

they're doing.So in of just being there

with themselves just being with themselves

which for many people right now is

uncomfortable they pick up their phone and

they find mental comfort in their phone

They find mental or in their phone On the

physical a of that it's uncomfortable to

go exercise It's for to go outside when

it's cold or go outside when it's too hot

Those things are uncomfortable for

people.So we find physical comfort by

having our house in our car in our

workplace at 72 degrees and not exercising

regularly and everything is bluetooth So

we literally can sit on our couch and not

have to get up to order in to have

anything brought to us We can literally I

must knock this face over We can literally

have food brought to our front door.I

don't know if they'll actually bring it in

the door and onto your couch for you but

they'll bring it to your front door And so

you have to realize your value and comfort

And if you're wondering why you're having

a hard time getting out of that it's

because that's what you value right now So

you have to decide to make a different

choice to value something different

different And that requires taking time.I

can't wait to our next conversation I'm

telling you I'm telling you we Got a lot

of rabbit holes to go down We do Because

when you were saying that one of the

things that over the last several years I

will say at least over the last three

years a I have been very intentional about

in my life is gardening.I grew up in the

south in the heart of Mississippi a

Mississippi at that So I grew up with it

But as we were know values change We

mature Our thought processes are was my

family was blessed to be able to live in

Europe for seven and Because half

years.And that's another conversation for

another day because that just really

changed our perspective on I won't say

everything but a lot of Sure Oh absolutely

Because Europeans are intentional about

hurry to do nothing that does not bring

support and a better way of life Not in

things and stuff but for them mentally

physically and their families.Their value

at least the ones that we were around Let

me say that case back to all Europeans

because I didn't need everybody but the

people a we met and lived around and

interacted with as Americans We go to work

and we're excited about work because we're

going to make these hours to go buy this

new in They're excited to come to work and

tell them when they're a their next

holiday I'll be gone for and month.A month

You got that much time saved up I'm going

to Croatia for a month Can I do that Their

value is different.So it changed the way

we saw a lot of things And when we came

back to America in 2017 we were shook to

what you were saying We found that our

values had changed and the things that we

found comfort in were now not necessarily

that My car is in my house and yes I find

comfort in my car I love mine a my house

but it was more than that.I'm willing to

leave my house I'm willing to leave my car

I'm willing to do these things to actually

find what truly brings value to LaQuita

that's not in there And the thing that

brought value to LaQuita was gardening and

so that's where you'll find me in my spare

time I'm outside.I'm getting the fresh air

I'm growing produce that my family eats

and it's healthy and I know where it comes

from And I'm connected It connects me with

my family It connects me I'm happy to say

my neighbor.To the left and right I've got

four neighbors that have gardens now

because they've been watching We have

these amazing conversations the value

shift And that showed up in my physical

when I went to the to for my checkups Like

I don't know what you're doing different

Miss Bonley but keep doing it.Yes I do

Yeah The values we as Americans or as

humans let me say that I don't want to

keep picking on my people We have to

really sit down And the practical things

that Jerry has shared with us today we

have to do that.Take that time for ourself

If you are struggling with that decision

on what success and purpose look like in

the next ten years it's probably because

you don't know you yet.So much truth to

that Yeah there is so much truth to that

And I think finding yourself taking the

time to find yourself and figure out

what's important to you is one of the most

I don't see any on why you wouldn't want

to do sit To take some time to figure out

what's important to you because you can

decide what your values are.I'm glad that

you had all of these examples working 65

hours having cars all of these things

because you can vilify them or you can

enjoy them too much There's both sides

That can be hard When someone who doesn't

have maybe that. ton of money looks at

somebody who drives a Mercedes or some

high end car they can go oh well that's

selfish person blah blah blah blah blah

But they don't realize that that mindset

is also keeping them from making progress

because you're literally building because

wall between you and money.But then on the

other end of that that person driving the

Mercedes is like I'm attached to this

Mercedes and I'm this you know powerful

person Because blah blah blah blah blah

Well that mindset is keeping you from

living maybe a fulfilled life because you

haven't looked at what other things you

might be able to value So the question is

not like if you have the things in your

life there are plenty of people who have

nice things A couple of perfect

examples.Speaking of working 65 hours or

so there's wall couple of people online

that people probably know Alex Hormosi and

Tom Billy that come to mind Tom Billu runs

the podcast impact theory and Alex Hormosi

is a big entrepreneur Alex Hormosi talks

regularly about working 65 80 whatever

hours a week And he's like a that's just

what I like to do I just enjoy doing

it.It's not because I think that it's

great and because I think that everyone

else needs to do It's just like that's

what I want to do And Tom Billy's the same

way He's like yeah I just enjoy working

that a hours a week That's just what I

enjoy doing.Guess what That's okay But on

the other end of that if you don't enjoy

doing it find a way to do it a little less

Yeah do it a little less and find what you

value So you don't have to not like nice

cars because people say you can't like

nice cars if you like nice cars.Like them

enjoy them Yeah and freaking enjoy them

When I start making more money I'm going

to buy some nice cars because the tons of

fun I love going out and driving them Yeah

but if you don't like nice cars guess what

You don't want okay. nice car go do some

gardening You don't want to garden Go

learn how to play music You don't a to

play music Go find like what do you want

to value in life Yes Just take some time

to think about it And that's the only

question Don't attach to it Take some time

to think about what you want to value and

then make start decision to do it.It's

that easy people It really is that easy

And sometimes it takes us a lifetime to

figure that out because we have been

programmed as cars, society globally to

value what's been put before us what we

have been programmed to value through what

we watch what we hear people of influence

and say oh that person has this that

person has that or that person is doing

this or that person is doing that And

we've been taught to be like these little

sponges and just soak up what the media

has put before us regardless of the form

of media that you absorb that you bring

into your life versus actually being like

my three a old granddaughter you're not

going to tell Amaya what she likes Most

three year olds you're not going to tell

them what they like.They will tell you

what they like and then they will tell you

that you should like what they like Like

we should be like them My favorite color

is pink My or color is purple She was

painting my nails and she was granny you

want your favorite color Yes I do I want

purple She said no You want no no I don't

I want purple.I lost that argument and I

had pink I'm certain I did but it was so

much fun But look at your little people I

like to call children little people Look

at little people.They're so carefree and

they know what they like And if they're

curious about it they go and try it Your

average two three four year old the

guardian spends 90 of our time trying to

tell them don't do that That's going to

hurt But they're going to do it anyway.And

that's what Jerry is saying Go do it Try

it You might like it you might not but

you'll never know till you do And when you

do discover what it is that you like and

you're discovering you the rest of the

work I not going to say little becomes

easier but you become more excited to do

it.Can I say that because the work is

harder Yeah the work is hard but you

become more willing to do it Because I

know who I am I know what I like I know

what I don't like.Now let's get a plan to

get me there And we have to make sure that

we connect with Jerry Jerry please let

everyone know how to We've been enjoying

this conversation and I have not even

asked how people can connect with you How

can people connect with you, The best

place right now is on Instagram at Jerry

Scarlato So you guys got that on Instagram

Get on IG at Jerry Scarlato And don't

worry his IG will be also in the show

notes Hit that rewind button

everybody.This is a conversation that you

want to listen to multiple times because

it has been jam packed with so many great

get for personal development and

professional development As a John Maxwell

certified speaker and coach John's primary

focus is on personal development And it's

true It's so true When we increase on our

personal development we increase

everywhere.So make sure Connect with Jerry

on IG Get this podcast listen to it

multiple times reach out to him hit him up

in his DMs ask the questions and do what

you need Scarletto. do in order to

continue to grow in your personal

development But before we sign off is

there any a thing that you would like to

leave with the toolbox audience I was

asked packed question on many podcast

recently that if I had professional

superpower what would it be And I told him

my 15 year old self wants to say I want to

be able to look through walls But since

I'm not 15 anymore and I'm in a different

season in life not a much different season

but slightly different season in life it's

that I would want people to have the power

to believe that they're capable of more

because I believe so many people don't

have the self worth They don't believe in

themselves They don't believe that they're

capable of more and they don't believe

that they're worthy of more.So a to

believe a you're worthy of more Start to

believe that you are capable of more And

it only starts as simple as taking one

step today and then to taking one step

tomorrow and then the next day taking one

step again So believe a you are capable of

more Believe that you are worthy of

more.And then take one step today to do it

And then do the step to and then another

step after that That's awesome Believe

that you are capable of doing that thing

that you desire to do Hey I love it.And

look don't let your 15 year old self down

I am sure if we don't have the technology

it's coming soon eventually I'm waiting

for it I am holding out You will be able

to look through walls.Jerry thank you so

much for being such an amazing guest here

on LaQuita's toolbox I do look forward to

having another conversation with you guys

that are tuning in Thank you so much for

tuning in to this episode of LaQuita's

Toolbox Make sure you hit those like share

subscribe buttons Turn that notification

bell on so that when we release new

episodes of the toolbox you won't miss

them.Until next time I am your host

LaQuita Monley You guys be blessed and

have an amazing rest of your day undefined

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