In this powerful episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction, Tammy Vincent sits down with David La Torre, author of the upcoming memoir Soda, to explore what it was really like growing up in a household shaped by addiction, secrecy, and survival.

David shares raw and deeply personal stories from his childhood in suburban America, where cocaine use and chaos hid behind what looked like a “normal” life. From being a parentified child to navigating fear, shame, and isolation, his experiences highlight the emotional toll addiction takes on families—especially children.

Together, Tammy and David unpack the long-term effects of childhood trauma, including PTSD, emotional triggers, and generational patterns. They talk about what it really means to heal, how forgiveness plays a role, and why sharing your story is one of the most powerful ways to release what’s been held inside for so long.

If you’ve ever felt like no one understands what you went through, this conversation will remind you that you’re not alone—and that healing, growth, and a beautiful life are possible.

Connect with David LaTorre:

Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/David_LaTorre

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidlatorre

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/david_la_torre

Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you.

Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call

If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout

If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching

Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout

As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

🔑 Start Your Healing Journey

Find ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here

✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!

Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save.

👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check

📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel

👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube

🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event

👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat

🫶 Let’s Connect

📩 Email: tammy@tammyvincent.com

📱 Text: 513-280-3555

🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

Welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

Today we have with us David Latour, and he is an upcoming Gen X memoir.

He is writing a book called Soda, which will be released soon.

And he reveals the hidden cocaine culture of suburban America, told through a child's eyes.

His eyes, actually.

His childhood helped him develop a skill set for handling crisis, which he used during some of America's most high profile events, including the Penn State Jerry Sandusky scandal.

You had two addicted parents?

I had one.

My father was not a drug addict, but he was an alcoholic.

So same, you know, same thing, same environment.

But welcome.

David, how are you?

I'm great, Tammy.

Thank you so much for having me on and thank you for doing this podcast.

I just have to say the service you provide to people is invaluable.

Well, that's the goal here because everybody that is going through, that went through trauma is sitting at home and what they're thinking until they can start to hear these things is nobody understands.

Nobody's ever been there.

This has only happened to me.

They think they're alone, this bad out on this island.

Like nobody's ever had two addicted parents before.

And.

And until you tell your story, it stays with you as a ugly secret.

And it doesn't start to get out of your body until you start to talk about it honestly.

And it's so true.

When you're going through it, you think you're the only person in the world, especially as a kid, because you don't know any better.

And quite frankly, you still wonder whether it's a bad thing, what's taking place.

Because when you're so young, you don't know the difference.

So you only know what you know.

And for me, it wasn't until probably like the fifth or sixth grade when I started realizing, like, things have gone, things have gone really wrong in my house.

So you talk about your first memory of, like, big stuff.

What would talk about that?

Because that just blew me away.

I mean, well, look, I call the book Soda and I think that's a great place to start with people who are wondering, why would you call a book about two drug addicted parents soda?

Well, I was about 8 years old and it was New Year's Eve and I grew up in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and they were taking me out for New Year's Eve and it was the first time I got to go out on New Year's Eve and not get shuffled over to my grandparents for a quick night, quick New Year's Eve night in bed, by 9 o' clock.

I got to stay up with my parents, and I thought that was so cool.

And they took me to a fantastic steakhouse in downtown Harrisburg that I talk about in my book.

Like, you know, the best way to equate it is, like, it's like your first night ever in Manhattan.

And that's how I felt that night with the big lights.

And I got to eat my first filet mignon and drink sparkling grape juice.

And I just felt so special.

And we were out, my parents and another couple who were friends of theirs, who I would come to realize that the man, his name was Jimmy, was funding my father's cocaine dealing.

And I didn't really understand cocaine at the time.

I just saw my parents doing it.

And like I said, when you're a kid, you don't know any different.

And the.

My mother and Jimmy's girlfriend got up to go to the restroom, and.

And they pulled me aside quickly, and Jimmy did all the talking, and he said, david, you see us at the house.

You see us doing coke.

And then he asked me a question I'll never forget.

He goes, do you ever talk about it with your friends?

And that just immediately, like, I got.

It made me nervous right away, and it started a lifetime of anxiety whenever I would think about moments like that in my life.

And I said, no.

I mean, immediately I knew if I had said yes, that would be a problem.

I was like, no.

And he goes, well, listen, we appreciate that.

My dad's not saying anything.

He's just nodding along.

And he said, listen, if you ever do talk about it, he goes, we want you to call it Soda.

And that is the basis for the book.

That's the basis of the name of the book.

And I was like, fine.

Yeah, that's good.

It sort of unnerved me the rest of the night and ruined what could have been a perfect night for a young K kid who got to finally stay up till midnight on New Year's Eve.

But it really kind of set the tone for the rest of my life.

And as, you know, things spiral out of control as addictions worsen among parents.

My father was.

He started out selling marijuana.

He was a successful businessman, probably the smartest man I ever knew, but was determined to be his own boss.

No matter what I talk about in the.

In the book, how he was always trying to do a side job in addition to a sales job, which he would win awards doing, selling business forms back in the days before computer design.

He always wanted to make more money.

He always wanted to hit it big.

So he started selling marijuana on the side, which I talk about in the book.

And then it grew into cocaine.

And all along the way he did as much of it as he possibly could.

And so did my mother.

My mother already, I really believe had a, had an addiction to painkillers.

Because back in the day I talk about like everybody had a Valium, everybody had Quaaludes, you know, just didn't matter.

And then she slowly became an alcoholic and was addicted to, who was certainly addicted to cocaine for a time as well.

So.

And then into the 80s, my father started selling crack and became addicted to that as well.

So really the book is about when you hear about cocaine dealers and crack dealers, you, you know, the way Hollywood tells it, you know, it's a big story like Scarface or the crack epidemic in urban America in the 80s.

You see a lot of those movies like New Jack City, things like that.

Well, this is happening in suburban America.

It was happening in my house.

And it's really stories that were never really told.

Like people think it's bizarre that a middle aged white man from central Pennsylvania was a crack addict.

And that's what my father was.

I mean, he was strung out on crack.

One day he's mowing the grass because we have the nicest lawnmower, because he's selling drugs.

We have the nicest lawnmower in the community.

And for three straight days he's in the bedroom right next to me smoking crack and not coming out of the room.

I remember being in fifth grade at one point, sitting there, I had just finished a test and I'd gotten it done faster than anybody else.

And I just sat there and I started looking around the room at all the other little kids.

And I just remember thinking, boy, if I really just wish I had a normal family like them, I just wish I was them.

Now, of course, all those kids probably had their issues and their families as well, as we've all sort of found out in life.

But at that time I didn't know any different now.

And did you spend a lot of time at friends houses?

Did you have a lot of friends or were you kind of isolated because of the embarrassment of bringing them home and all that?

Well, that's the thing.

I would go to other kids homes, but I would never have kids at my house.

I would go to sleepovers, but never host sleepovers.

I mean, Look, I wrote 130,000 words for the book and I had to trim it to 90, about 93,000.

But I remember wanting to have a friend over for A sleepover.

And I begged my parents, can I have a sleepover and can you please be normal?

That's what I asked them.

And they promised me that they would.

I don't remember at all, so to speak, but I just remember being so excited that I could have a friend sleep over at my house.

It was the only time it ever happened in my entire life.

It was one night.

You know, the rest of the time it's, you know, we were, I was a, you know, the term is parentified child.

I mean, I really was.

As their addictions got worse, I became more the adult.

I have a younger sister, she's three and a half years younger than me.

And I've always said so much more tough, so much more tough than, than I was.

My sister's pretty special and that we really grew close through those years.

But I, I have to tell you, you know, I was able to have my friend over.

But really from that point on, I started really taking over more of an adult role over my mother because my father was out.

He was a drug dealer.

He quit his business forms job and decided, you know, I'm going to be my own boss.

And he decided to open an antique store again.

A brilliant guy, very well read, knew everything about antiques.

There's just one problem with antiques.

It's the 80s, it's central Pennsylvania.

He opens an antique store in the middle of the city of Harrisburg about five years after retail started moving out of cities and into malls.

So you open a business that nobody really needs in a place that nobody visits.

So automatically you, you're into money issues and you've got two mortgages.

Now you've got two of everything because you have a business.

So he starts ramping up his drug dealing and so he's out at all hours, gone for days at a time.

And my sister and I are stuck at home with my mother who's strung out and one night drunk, another threatening to kill herself.

I mean, that's kind of how it was in our house.

And here I am almost 56 years old and it finally, you know, I finally decided to write about it.

It's a book that's been in me for, for a real long time.

But I didn't want to go there.

Right, well, and that's natural tendency is to not want to go there.

And like you said, I mean, how many.

I wrote a little short book, a guide for teenagers, but it was called Surviving Alcoholic Parents.

And just in pulling up, trying to pull up and be very gentle because it was for, you know, Preteen kind of thing, just as a reference for them, but just in pulling up, like, oh, my gosh.

Yeah, I should tell them this because of this.

I mean, you had to go through it all.

And what I didn't realize when I was writing this book, and I was curious to see if you did, there was months, even years, that I don't remember anything.

I have zero memories of.

And that's what was great about having my sister involved, who was fully supportive of the effort to tell this story.

She lives in the Chicago area now, and we were able to piece a lot of it together.

Where I would go, hey, this happened here.

She goes, do you remember this?

Oh, no, I didn't remember that.

Thank you for telling me that.

There's a big scene in the book and the chapters called Cut, where I describe my father cutting cocaine.

The process whereby he would add some sort of powder to add to the weight of the cocaine, which would mess up the purification and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Bottom line is, I watch him cutting cocaine.

I describe how he does it.

He asked my mother to try the cocaine.

She does.

My sister and I are sitting right there like it's just another normal day watching cartoons.

And she says, it's like.

It's like it's really chocolate milk.

Is this the perfect mix, really?

And you know something's wrong, and you know it's not normal, but you're just trying to exist day to day.

You're trying to get by every single day.

And she says, it's fine he tries it.

It's not fine.

He flips out on her.

It's all her fault.

He's the one that did the cutting.

That's another thing about my f. Is he never said he was sorry.

Nothing was ever his fault until the day he died.

And I will tell you that I made my peace with my parents a long time before they passed.

That was very important to me.

It took me a long time to get there.

I did a lot of therapy.

I had a lot of anger issues.

You know, when I finally left my parents, and that was when I went off to college, I swore I would never treat my.

My future wife like he treated my mother.

And I. I found out pretty quickly I had some anger issues.

Yeah, I was never physical.

Never physical ever.

Because I.

You know, because my father was physical with us and with my mother.

And so I've never, ever would ever think of crossing that line.

But I had anger issues.

And it manifested itself in really just.

Just nasty verbal attacks that I would launch at My college girlfriend, who really didn't deserve that.

And, you know, I kind of.

That kind of woke me up to the fact that I needed therapy.

It was several years before I did it, though, Tammy.

But for several years, I was locked hard in therapy to really address anger issues that I have.

And quite frankly, I think I always have them to a certain extent.

I still have a short fuse.

I'd like to think it almost 56.

I'm better at handling it.

My wife would probably argue I'm not always.

But, you know, it's.

Yeah, nobody's perfect.

But, you know, we're constantly trying to evolve, and I know, I know I am.

I was just going to say that progression, not perfection, like we got to get.

You know, and it's just.

Just the fact of the awareness, because how many children grow up like that, that don't go get help, that they could just follow right into the path?

I mean, that's why addiction is so generational, because it's what you saw, it's what you know.

You know, there's so many things in your.

In your subconscious mind that you don't even know why you are.

A lot of the parentification, like you were never got to be a kid.

I can remember being late to school because I was holding my mom's hair back so she wouldn't throw up as I was calling into her job to tell her she was going to be late.

And she was a child psychiatrist.

You wouldn't think there's this doctor sitting at home trying to clean up her own vomit before she goes in and treats children.

I feel like you and I could be brother and sister.

Just so many things I write about and talk about in the book and what you just said there is just something I did so many times, so many times just trying to keep my mother in many ways, alive.

My parents thought it'd be really good to have a.38 revolver in the house.

And I write about the night where my mother's just like, I want the gun.

I want to kill myself.

I want the gun.

And my sister and I are trying to hold her down.

And then, you know, finally I just kind of wrap my hands around her waist and sort of leverage her over onto the couch, and she's just completely insane.

And at that point, like, I was just so emotional, I just lost it.

And I just told her, I said, if you get up off that couch, I'll go get you the gun.

Like, I just lost it.

Like, I just.

I didn't have anything left at that point.

Like, what the hell are we doing?

Right.

And it really kind of is a miracle.

I made peace with my parents before they passed.

Do you mind if I ask how old you were when they passed?

When my mother passed, I'd finally got to that point where I'm like, I need to write this book.

And, and like I said, my sister was really supportive of it and I think the process of remembering everything has been helpful for her too.

Yeah.

Throughout this whole process though, I don't want to speak for her, but it's actually drawn us closer together too.

We remember more about what we went through because like you, because like you said, you tend to block things out.

And I'm glad I wrote it though, Tammy.

I'm glad I wrote it.

You know that old saying, if you can help one person, if somebody reads soda and they realize the whole book for me is about forgiveness and not having to be like your parents, which you brought up earlier.

You know, as far as people tend to just think they just grow up and become like their parents.

Another interesting part of the book is I found the police officers who arrested my parents.

They execute a search warrant in our house.

And I was actually playing in a high school football game that night, believe it or not, and I found them that obviously long retired and I had coffee with them and I write about it in the book.

And, and they were really concerned about me and my sister and I thought that was so cool.

Well, first of all, they tried to explain my parents behavior, which I thought was really neat.

Like they did.

The one was a state trooper and he said, you know, they didn't start out trying to be addicts.

It wasn't part of the plan.

It happens.

And you just need to understand that they didn't mean to do that, which I thought was incredibly humane, compassionate.

I mean, yes, it blew me away.

And then they asked me about my sister and, and they're like, you know what?

To your point, they said, we've seen so many bad situations and kids rarely make it out.

And he goes, you two are the exception to the rule.

And, and we know it.

Yeah.

And that, who knows, that could have changed the whole trajectory of your life.

I mean, you don't know.

You never know what it was.

You're right.

You don't know what's in you.

I mean, some people take what happens to them and they just, I don't want to say play the victim, but they do.

They're just, this is my destiny.

This is, you know, and I kind of, I kind of.

One of my sayings, and I say it all the time to my clients and I work with a lot of people that are, have very similar past is I said, you know, what happened to me might have designed me, but it didn't define me.

So only you can define yourself.

But yeah, it made me.

It made my patterns, it made my belief systems, it made my lack of everything because I had absolutely zero role model growing up.

Right.

Like, I had to figure it out.

So, yeah, it might have made those.

All those little parts made of.

Made me who was standing here the day I realized that I needed to fix it.

But then everything going forward is up to me.

It's so funny, I say in the book, in my introduction, the past doesn't define our future.

It's just so similar to what you say.

And we've never talked.

We've had a couple emails together.

This is literally our first conversation as two people who had parents with addiction.

Addiction issues.

It's just amazing how similar it is.

It's remarkable and really why your show is so important to illustrate the people that we're not alone in this whole thing.

Because you think you are.

Yes.

And for the listeners out there, and I'm going to keep going back to your book because I think it's so vitally important, get your story out of your body, do a lot of nervous system healing.

And you know, when you talk about PTSD and people think, oh, it's people that went to war, you, my friend Dave, were at war every day as a child.

I was at war every day when my sister, who was the highest ranking officer on her military base, went through some stuff and she got treatment.

They didn't treat her for the experience of putting bodies in body bags and sending them home in the war.

They treated her for her childhood.

Amazing.

So that tells you something.

And it is, is it amazing that if you do make it out like your sister's a great example, you're obviously a great example, helping so many people.

And that's why, again, I'm going to keep saying that the show is so important you can make it out.

I've owned a public relations firm for over 20 years now.

I've worked for two governors here in Pennsylvania as their head comms person.

I've been involved, as you said at the outset, in some real crisis communication situations.

And I really think, and my Sister feels the same way.

And we never really put this together, but we're both very accustomed to being in high pressure, professional situations because nothing will ever be as hard as our childhood.

Nothing.

I'm sorry.

Like, you know, you talked about the Jerry Sandusky situation.

Penn State, obviously very painful for a lot of people and very high profile and lots of pressure.

Working at Penn State at that time, I felt no pressure.

I felt no pressure.

You know, I mean, I, I've dealt with it all before.

My personal life, nothing will ever be worse than that.

And so if you can make it out of that, you can do some really incredible things with your life and help others as you are clearly doing.

Yeah.

I always say, take your pain and make it your superpower.

Wow, that's a great line.

True.

That's what you did.

You took your pain and you make it your superpower.

Because like you said, how many people could walk into those situations and with a straight face, like, people tell me stories and they're like, you didn't even flinch when I told you that story.

I'm like, it just happened.

It's just something that happened.

And worse things have happened to people.

Like, and worse things could possibly happen to you.

Like, it's just some, you know, just things that happen and you, it doesn't.

So you can go to someone with compassion and understand and not be like, oh my God.

It's all our perspective that we have on life.

And when you come from family backgrounds like ours, you learn pretty quickly that you can, if you make it out, you can do some pretty incredible things.

And I'd like to think that you can also have a good family life too, with your next generation.

I'm close with both of my children.

I have a 26 year old son who's flown the coop, as they say.

He's an engineer now, doing great.

And I've got a 14 year old, precocious daughter who is so much smarter than I am.

I just love our exchanges because she's so whip smart and we have a good life.

And we'll sit at the dinner table, me and my wife and my daughter, and talk about the day.

And those are things I never did.

All I ever wanted to do when I was a kid, all I ever wanted to do was to sit at the dinner table with my parents.

Because that's what I saw on TV on like Happy Days.

Remember Happy Days?

The Cunninghams, the Brady Bunch.

That and be like, right?

Yeah.

What is like, we used to, they, if we, if we were lucky to have Dinner that night.

And it was usually like a TV dinner.

Remember the old TV dinners like the Hungry Mans and the tin you put in the oven and the dessert would be 7,000 degrees.

I'd inevitably take it back to my room and just sit there and eat by myself.

Or my sister would come in and we'd sit there and eat and watch TV on a little black and white tv.

But we were never with our parents.

Like all I wanted to do was one dinner seated at a table together.

Actually right about.

That was 10 miles from our house.

Oh wow.

And yeah.

And two miles from my grandparents.

And my grandparents were my world.

They were my mother's parents and they were as straight laced as it got.

Depression era kids who worked hard their whole lives, saved every dime.

They had raised my mother in a wonderful middle class home.

Well, they had to come live with us during TMI because they were too close to the accident area so they had to evacuate.

And that lasted about like 10 days.

14 Days.

Those are the best 10 to 14 days I ever had in my family house growing up.

Because my parents could not misbehave.

Because I was going to ask you, did they put everything on hold for that?

As far as I can tell.

As far as I can tell, they put everything on hold.

My grandparents lived with us and it was amazing.

It was amazing.

Every night we ate dinner.

That was the lone exception.

We ate dinner at the table together with our grandparents because they were there and that's what they wanted.

That's what my nanny and Poppy wanted.

And so I remember being so sad when, when I remember being sad when TMI was over.

When there wasn't going to be a nuclear accident.

Think about that first.

I mean, and that's what I'm saying.

Like what a.

And you got like a glimpse, a tiny little glimpse.

Normalcy and the not addiction which is.

It's almost like that alone, my friend, will cause a lifetime of.

Of rage issues.

Honestly, you just totally nailed it because you're like so close to what it's really like.

It's right there and you're living it and then it's just ripped away from you.

I mean I swear to you, the moment they left the house, my dad was back on a couch with it.

With, with a metal tray, a metal, metal Coca Cola tray.

Rolling joints.

And I talk about that in my book.

Like I.

But I watch my dad roll hundreds of them.

Like I could do it in my sleep, but I, out of principle, like I've never done it, but he's there.

And I talk about him having the tray and having it on his belly and, you know, separating the seeds from the.

From the.

From the marijuana leaf.

And I can still hear those seeds rolling down that tray.

And literally the moment my grandparents left, literally the moment they left, I can.

The trey was gone again.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I could talk to you forever.

Like, literally, I'm like, oh, my gosh.

Like, so many things are coming through my head.

But what I want you to do.

Well, first of all, we're gonna have you back on.

I'm not even gonna just re air this episode.

When the book comes out, we're gonna have you back on, and we're gonna focus on.

We're gonna pick one thing and we're gonna teach people and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna.

This was absolutely amazing.

I.

So do you take calls?

Do you work with people?

Do you do any of that?

Or, like, in your.

What you're doing now, are you open to people asking you questions or how.

What does that look like?

Well, see, here's the thing.

Nobody really knows about my past beyond people that I grew up with in high school.

By the way, imagine your parents being arrested and they're in the newspapers while you're a sophomore in high school.

That was as bad as it got.

Having to go to school on Monday.

My father not apologizing for it, not even caring.

But.

So when I left for college, I sort of left that behind.

And people that I grew up with know my past, but people in college, people who I went to college with, and people who I've known professionally, are going to be really surprised by this book when it comes out, because I've never talked about it.

Why would you.

Why would you if you wanted to forget it?

So, you know, it's interesting, when I see somebody I know, somebody who's having problems like that, sort of.

It sort of kicks in where I'm one of the first people to step up and try and help somebody.

But I know once I was gonna.

Say, we can do this.

We can put it on YouTube.

And if people want to comment and you want to respond personally to.

And I would do that.

Yeah, I would do that.

And I.

And I know that with releasing Soda comes a bigger responsibility.

So I'm never going to turn my back on somebody who reaches out and says, can you help me with this?

Because I will.

I mean, it's the least I could do.

And sometimes, like you said, sometimes all.

All people need Sometimes is to feel like they're not alone.

To be able to, to hear a podcast, to hear you say, I went through this and then go, wow.

And look at him.

He's happy, smiling, he's got kids, he's got, you know, I mean, like there.

People need hope, right?

Especially when they're in the throes of it.

And some people honestly don't they realize they got out.

I mean, Obviously you turn 18, whatever, whatever age, you get out and you get out, it doesn't end there.

That's really where it begins.

So, yeah, a lot of people are kind of in that, stuck like, or they hear those cliches or people go, you know, you're out of the house.

It should be better now.

No, that is where all the damage starts, culminating.

And you have time to sit and think and you have time to realize what you missed.

And you have time to realize that I. I tell the story all the time of when it hit me.

I was 26, getting ready to have my first kid, and I was reading a kid's book about unconditional love between a mother and her son.

And I freaking had a meltdown because I was like, I don't even remember hugging my parents.

Like, amazing.

I was like, how the hell do I do that?

And that's what triggered.

Oh my God, what else don't I know?

What else?

So, but there are people that come to me that are, that hear a podcast and they're 50 years old.

I think you and I are the same age.

You said you were 56.

I'll be 56 in April.

Yeah, I'll be, I'll be 58.

So close.

Same.

Yeah, yeah.

At the same time.

But people, yeah, they just, they don't understand the culminating effects that it has and that they could be 50, 60 years old walking around and they're just freaking miserable and they don't know why.

When I did research on my book, I was really trying to remember things that were like in my parents bedroom, right.

And my dad had these, this collection of colognes that came in the vert and they were glass bottles of cars.

And like one of them was a Jaguar.

So you.

And it would have cologne in it, right.

So I was, I was buying things on ebay to really help me remember.

And like I have it in the cabinet directly behind me.

I had the Jaguar in there.

And I tell you, I opened the box and I.

And I opened the container, the took the cap off and smelled it and I was six again.

Just like that.

I was six Years old.

Just like that, in my mom and dad's bedroom.

Literally looking in their bedroom at everything, remembering all of it and feeling all of it again.

And that's what you're talking about when you say all of a sudden, all of a sudden, it all comes up for me.

That was a moment.

Yeah.

That, my friend, is ptsd, by the way, right?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I'm like, oh my God.

For people listening, that is a perfect example of ptsd.

And I remember the smell.

Like that smell like it wasn't new to me.

I hadn't seen that bottle in almost a half century.

Think about that.

Yeah, I laugh because I have a very similar.

And I use it all the time.

So people, I'm sorry if I'm repeating this, if you've heard this already, but I have a story where I.

There was some abuse going on when I was like four or five, preschool.

And it was while my mom was watching the soap opera as the World Turns.

Right.

Right.

So literally three decades later, I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I just vomited like out of the blue on a table.

Like, oh my God.

And I'm like, okay, Tammy, focus, focus.

Like, because now I know and I'm like, what is going on?

It had come on in the other room.

Oh my God.

And it was the sound of that soap opera coming on.

Now I could turn it on and watch it.

That was no big deal.

But it was that subconscious like that.

And that's why our senses.

I tell these smell smells of the same thing.

I. I tell the story about one time something really bad happened on a leather couch and, and my dad.

Then when I went back home and I was living at home for a few months and my dad had gone out and bought this brand new leather chair.

And I don't know what the hell possessed me, but I took a bite out of the arm of his brand new leather chair and I got beat so bad.

But I was like, what?

Why would I do that?

And then I started noticing.

Hm.

I go to the mall and I can't walk by Wilson's leather shop without gagging.

And it was leather.

Right?

So.

Right.

Those are the things.

And, and guys, if you're out there listening and you're like, oh my gosh, I get that.

Like that is.

I have that happen.

Those are the things that you can get.

Very simple.

You can get help for.

There's so many things.

There's eft tapping, there's therapy, you know, but there's.

There's exposure therapy.

Like there's all kinds of different things you can do to get rid of those triggers.

Because I'm sure, Dave, some of these stories that you told tell now, I'm sure at one point you were telling them and there was a knot in your stomach or you.

Your body was like, physically reacting at some.

You know, there's still a knot, that the knot still exists even talking to you.

The knot's always there.

It never leaves you.

The trick is, how do you deal with it so that you can live a happy, productive, and what I call a beautiful life.

Believe it or not, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a business as long as I have.

But more than that, to have a family, to have children who care about me, children that I've tried to do the best by.

Not always I've.

You know, certainly we all fail as parents.

You know, what I try and really focus on doing as a parent?

And don't get me wrong, it doesn't happen.

Happen a lot because, you know, I'm a firm believer in the parent child relationship is when I.

When I've made a mistake with my kids, I apologize.

Because my father.

Because my father never did.

I remember snapping at my daughter a little while ago.

I went into a room probably like 30 minutes after, and I said, you know what?

That was wrong.

Dad was wrong.

I am sorry for snapping at you.

If that helps her as a parent someday, then I've done my job.

But I want her to know that I love her.

I want her to understand that I'm not perfect.

And to apologize when you're wrong, especially.

To your children, there is no such thing as perfection.

Not going to always do the right thing.

But again, yes, if you can step up and be like, hey, I screwed up, like, that's the difference.

Because that's what they're seeing.

That's what they're growing from.

And that's.

That's the love, you know?

Yeah.

That's the accountability part of it.

Because go get that out of your body.

Once you get it out of your body, there's so many things.

Once you get it out of your body, you will not get that physiological response anymore to all those triggers.

I promise you.

That's so true.

I promise you.

That's great advice.

And you're the.

And you're the expert.

That's my job till we talk again.

There we go.

That's your goal.

Text me, I'll give you some tips.

So, anyway, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you, Tammy, for having me.

It's.

It's a real honor.

Your show's so important and I just.

I'm just very, very lucky to be on it.

So thank you.

Well, we're gonna.

You're very welcome.

And we're gonna have you back.

Yes.

When your book comes out.

Soda.

I can't wait to read it.

But when and for everybody else out there listening, reach out if you have any questions about this.

My goal is never, never, never, never.

And I promise you this with all of my heart to trigger you and leave you hanging if something struck a chord, if something gave you that knot in your stomach, if something made you cry.

Reach out to someone, anyone.

Every one needs one person in their life that they can trust, that they can talk to, that they can open up to, and it will make a world of difference.

So please know that we love you and we don't want to upset you about anything.

But this is so many people's lives, guys.

This is reality.

This happens.

There's millions of homes right now that this is happening in.

So if you can reach out to a friend, share with a child, see someone walking around, you know, if you see a six year old walking by themselves at 8 o' clock at night, that something's going on, be that friend for someone and the world would be a better place.

Thank you.

You all have a blessed day and we'll see you back next week.