Why choosing an unconventional life often means finding the courage to belong anyway

There comes a moment when you realize that "normal" isn't actually the same thing as "right." Maybe it's reading ingredient labels for the first time. Maybe it's questioning a habit you've never thought twice about. Or maybe it's making a small decision that slowly changes the way you live your entire life.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with Alicia Shidler to talk about what happens after you stop chasing normal. From food and homesteading to parenting, community, and personal conviction, Alicia shares how one simple question—"What if there's a better way?"—led to a life that looks very different from the one she expected.

Their conversation isn't really about tallow, sourdough, or raising chickens. It's about what it feels like to make choices that don't fit neatly into other people's expectations. It's about navigating the tension between staying true to your values and wanting to belong in the communities around you. And it's about discovering that living intentionally will almost always look a little strange to someone else.

Whether you've questioned what's in your food, chosen a path your friends don't understand, or simply wondered if you're the only one doing life differently, this episode is a reminder that belonging doesn't require becoming more "normal." Sometimes it means becoming more yourself.

You'll hear how:

• One small question can completely reshape the way you live
• Intentional living happens one decision at a time, not all at once
• Curiosity is more sustainable than fear when making lifestyle changes
• Community becomes more complicated when your values look different
• Online communities can be places to quietly learn before speaking up
• You don't have to convince everyone else to validate your choices
• Modeling your values is often more powerful than arguing for them
• Living differently doesn't have to mean living defensively
• Belonging is possible even when your life looks unconventional

Episode Highlights

[00:00] The marshmallow moment that started questioning "normal"

[04:30] Building a family that spans very different seasons of life

[11:45] Why intentional living happens one choice at a time

[19:10] What online communities taught Alicia before she ever spoke up

[26:00] Behind the scenes of moderating large Facebook communities

[35:35] Belonging when your version of "normal" looks different

[39:50] Why you can't force people to change—you can only show them

Resources & Mentions

• Shidler Goods
• Hope & Stay by Sonya Tucker

Meet Your Guest

Alicia Shidler is the founder of Shidler Goods, a Michigan-based small business specializing in handcrafted tallow body care products. Passionate about intentional living, Alicia enjoys baking gluten-free sourdough, caring for livestock, reading ingredient labels, and continually learning how small, thoughtful choices can lead to a healthier and more purposeful life. Through her business and everyday life, she encourages others to question what "normal" means and embrace the practices that align with their values.

Meet Your Host

Tonya Kubo is a community strategist, writer, and rebel with a cause: helping people find the place where they truly belong. She's spent nearly two decades building online spaces that feel more like chosen family than comment sections, and she's not afraid to call out the fluff in favor of real connection. As the founder of Find Your Freaks, Tonya brings together unconventional thinkers, builders, and bridge-makers who believe that "normal" was never the point. When she's not hosting the show, she's raising two daughters, leading client communities, and making meaning out of the mess.

Support the Show

If Find Your Freaks matters to you, help us keep it ad-free by buying us a coffee (or two!). Every dollar goes to production so more weirdos can find their people.

You can purchase Find Your Freaks merchandise online through Abilities and Attitudes.

Let's Stay Freaky

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What's Next

Next time, Tonya explores why communities often mistake "the right way" for "the only way"—and how belonging begins when we make room for people whose paths look different from our own.

[Speaker 1]

Did you know there's food dyes in marshmallows? And of course, that makes you start looking into the food industry. Why are all these things in our foods?

Why are these chemicals being put into our foods? Do we really need these preservatives? Do we really need these crops, this wheat, all these things that are treated with all of these harmful chemicals that are hurting our bodies?

And so that made me start looking into products, and what is in these products that I'm putting on my body? What is in this lip balm that I'm putting on my lips? What is in this cream that I'm putting on my face?

One thing at a time, don't try to eliminate everything at once. Don't question everything at once. Question, look into, research one thing at a time.

Because anything else is going to overwhelm you, it's going to make your head spin, it's going to make you feel like you can't eat anything at all because everything is poison and everything is going to kill you and everything is going to make your family sick. When I tell them, no, I don't eat canola oil, I'd rather use beef fat or butter, they think I'm crazy. But I'm not going to convince them, they're going to have to see the difference in me over time.

[Speaker 2]

We're wired for connection, but most of us are faking it to fit in. I'm Tanya Kubo, and this is Find Your Freaks, the podcast that flips the script and spotlights the quirks you thought you had to keep quiet. Subscribe now and head to findyourfreaks.com for show notes and extras. Because around here, what makes you weird, makes you wonderful. Normal was never the point. We love to talk about community around here, how to build it, grow it, and sustain it.

But today, we're talking about what it means to live with intention, even if your version of intentional living is a lot different than the rest of the world's and maybe even quite inconvenient, if we're being honest. Today, I am here with Alicia Scheidler, a wife, mom, and small business owner who is just likely to be moving chickens as she is to be rendering tallow or reading package labels with the kind of intensity that some of us actually don't read anything, to be perfectly honest. We just don't read with that level of intensity.

So Alicia, I just want to get us started today by you telling us who are your freaks and why do you love them?

[Speaker 1]

Well, my husband, he's right up there with me. I have a couple of friends who are just incredible. It's spread throughout the country.

They're definitely my freaks. I've only lived here in Michigan for a couple of years, but I've started to collect some freaks here too. And I have a couple of friends who are already just priceless in my life.

And then the support of my parents and my kids too. Freaks turn out freaks. My kids are freaks too.

[Speaker 2]

Well, it sounds to me, just based on how you answered that question, personal relationships are important to you.

[Speaker 1]

Very. Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

And you didn't always live in Michigan, right? You lived in a different state.

[Speaker 1]

[Speaker 2]

So what's that been like? Because I, native Californian over here, lived my whole life up and down highway 99 for the most part. I happen to know it's a little bit different culture in other places.

What was that culture clash like for you or was there one?

[Speaker 1]

I think we were pretty well prepared for it because we were just, we were ready for the different lifestyle. We wanted to do the things that we didn't really have the availability to do in California. We wanted to have a bigger garden than we could have on our 8,000 square foot property.

We wanted to be able to raise chickens and we raised chickens for eggs and for meat. I've always wanted goats and that was like a lifelong dream of mine. And I have goats.

I couldn't have goats in California where I lived. And I did live in a much different part of California than you. I lived down south of LA.

[Speaker 2]

Right. There's a lot more open space where I'm at than there is south of LA.

[Speaker 1]

There is not down there. Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

So Alicia, it sounds to me like you left California and you started a homestead. And I'm really curious because first of all, coming from a very urban part of our state into a much more rural area. I know just because we talked before we started recording that the homestead life was already a dream.

Yes. But talk us through how that evolved because there is a big, big leap one must make from I kind of sort of would like to do that one thing one day and actually having chickens not just for eggs but for meat and goats and a garden that's much larger than you would fit on an 8,000 square foot property.

[Speaker 1]

But my 19-year-old was just out of control hyper all the time. It was like his ears were stopped up. He couldn't listen, had his hearing tested.

It worked. But I just couldn't figure out what was going on. And I'm like, there's got to be something.

This is not normal. And somebody that I know had told me, oh, well, you know, I just read an article recently for work. She worked in the science industry that, you know, food dyes can cause hyperactivity in kids.

And I was like, okay, well, you know, I found some articles. I found some things. And it's like, well, let's try this.

So I started reading package labels, which I had never done before. And I started eliminating food dyes from his diet. Did you know there's food dyes in marshmallows?

[Speaker 2]

Actually, no. I want to tell you I did because I know a lot of things.

[Speaker 1]

But no, I did not know there is food dye in marshmallows and in most pickles. So I had to read.

[Speaker 2]

That makes sense because pickles are a very unnatural color.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah. So I started reading every label. I started just being really careful with what he ate.

It meant we weren't, you know, we didn't eat out a lot, but it meant we weren't, we were eating out even less because I was trying to be so careful of what he took in. And over the course of about four weeks, he was a different kid, completely different kid, so much more mellow, listened better, just incredible difference. And then we had a busy day one day, somebody offered him a bag of Skittles, not thinking.

I said, yes, my crazy child was back. So this food dyes has been a thing for me for that long. And then about probably 12 years ago now, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which for those who don't know, is an autoimmune disorder, where when you eat gluten, your own body attacks itself, and it kills off parts of your small intestine causing malabs, you know, you're not absorbing nutrients.

And I lost 40 pounds in two months, and it was terrifying. And then I had to read labels even more diligently. And of course, that makes you start looking into the food industry.

Why are all these things in our foods? Why are these chemicals being put into our foods? Do we really need these preservatives?

Do we really need these crops, this wheat, all these things that are treated with all of these harmful chemicals that are hurting our bodies? When I married my husband almost five years ago, we're like, well, let's see if we can start a little garden in our backyard. And we started raising whatever food we could.

And just being really different and really intentional with how we ate. And we noticed the difference in how we felt. What was that difference like?

I didn't feel bloated all the time anymore. More clarity in my mind, able to focus easier. One of the big things we've cut out is seed oils.

So like your canola oil, sunflower oil, vegetable oil, all of that. And we don't sunburn very easily anymore. And I had heard that that was a thing.

But I was like, I don't know. We'll see. I used to have to put on sunblock if I went outside for 15 minutes, and I don't sunburn anymore.

[Speaker 2]

That's fascinating because I have seen that too, because I was doing a lot of Googling about avoiding sunburns in Hawaii and summer months, because I have a redheaded daughter. But I've never been able to talk to somebody firsthand who said, yeah, no, we eliminated seed oils, and now we don't sunburn as much.

[Speaker 1]

Most of the time, you mention stuff like that to somebody, and they look at you like you're from outer space.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, well, see, this is the beauty of talking with me because, yeah, nothing shocks me these days, just not much. And also, I think I just have a natural curiosity. And, you know, and I think for the purpose of this show, in particular, what I am enjoying is the ability to just pull back the curtain on all these different experiences and versions of community or efforts to escape isolation that people might see a 45-second clip on social media that presents one very specific picture.

But in the context of a half-hour, 45-minute conversation, we can add so much more context to it.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, definitely.

[Speaker 2]

So what you're saying is, so really, your journey started with noticing that you had a child who was affected by food dye and then doing the whole thing of making that choice and then, out of convenience, making a different choice and then seeing the cause and effect of that. Yeah. Then your own health issue, and I know a lot of women with autoimmune disorders that sometimes they creep up overnight, and sometimes it's one of those things where it's like, oh, that's why I felt like this for the last 25 years of my life, no idea that wasn't normal.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

And then that sort of has just put you on a path where other things have come your way, right?

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

Avoiding seed oils. How does all of that, because that's kind of been the path, very incremental, how has all of that led to the choices that you're making today? What does life look like in the Scheibler house right now?

[Speaker 1]

So you did mention I'm a small business owner. I render tallow. I render suet into tallow.

And from that, I make body butters and lip balms. And that started even before I met my husband, really, so probably like seven years ago. And I just was tired of finding things.

Like I was using a popular mall store that sells products for bath and body. I was using their hand sanitizers, which are really popular. And then one day, because I never thought to look at a label on a hand sanitizer.

It had weed in it. I'm like, if I'm using this at an amusement park to clean my hands before eating a snack while I'm waiting in line for a ride, I'm glutening myself. You know, there's gluten in this.

And so that made me start looking into products. And what is in these products that I'm putting on my body? What is in this lip balm that I'm putting on my lips?

What is in this cream that I'm putting on my face? And it's been a gradual thing with us looking at things like, oh, you know what? Well, we've learned that this thing doesn't work well with how our bodies are meant to function.

So let's take this out. Grocery shopping, we don't get a lot from the middle aisles of the store. You know, they say shop the perimeter of the store.

We don't even buy milk at the grocery store. I drive to a dairy once a week and pick up four half-gallon mason jars with raw milk in it that was milked from the cows the day before. I have shelves lining my laundry room that are filled with foods that I've canned, that I've grown.

And my goal ultimately is to do more of that every year. You know, I don't want to buy store-bought salsa anymore. I can grow all the ingredients to make it myself.

You know, dinner time tends to be either chicken we've raised, beef or pork that we've bought that's been pasture raised locally, and we aim for certain vegetables and fruits have to be organic. We won't eat conventionally grown of certain fruits and vegetables, just knowing the pesticides and things that are on those and how they make us feel over time.

[Speaker 2]

I mean, there's a couple of questions that I have, but before we kind of go to the community aspect, because even though we have the internet, I know some of the things that you're doing are best learned and adopted when you can talk to other people who have learned them and are adopting them and getting those best practices. So we'll definitely talk about that, but I think we have to talk about the elephant in the room, because as you know, right, we're a dual income household over here. You know, I spent many of my kids' years working outside the home.

I think the elephant in the room is there's going to be people listening who are like, oh yeah, must be nice, because we're all so judgy-judgy when we listen to other people's lives, especially when those people can't see us, right? We can be super judgy. You know, oh, must be nice, or somebody just might say, you know, that sounds so inconvenient.

[Speaker 1]

It is inconvenient. It's inconvenient making three meals a day and cleaning up after three meals a day, but when I look at the alternative and what it can do to the health of my family, I push through that heaping secret dishes and then I dirty more dishes and make another meal, because to me and to my husband, the alternative isn't worth it. And my husband does work.

He works a full-time job outside of the home, and without that, we couldn't just do all of this. We have days where literally from sun up to sun down, we're both going all day, all day, all day, just to get everything done around here. We don't sit and watch tv in the evening, because we don't have time.

[Speaker 2]

Well, and how big's the property you're on?

[Speaker 1]

We have 7.49 acres, so almost seven and a half acres, which coming from an 8,000 square foot property is a lot, and we do have a small barn. We have a pretty sizable garden, and we have a couple of other fields that part of our community is going to help us come plow them over and use these big mowers called a brush hog. I've never actually seen one in action, so I'm excited to see this.

[Speaker 2]

We'll google it and figure out what it looks like.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, well, and he's going to drive it over here, because they live around the corner. So we're going to brush hog that field, and we're going to see about growing a cut flower garden. Why not?

[Speaker 2]

Why not?

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, we have the property for it, so why not?

[Speaker 2]

Okay, so husband works outside the home. I'm assuming gone all day, right? Yep.

You have the, is it a bath and body company at this point?

[Speaker 1]

I would say more just body, because the only things I make is body butters, lip balms, and then I do have another balm that we kind of use as an all-purpose balm. Like, we use it in place of neosporin, burn cream, you name it.

[Speaker 2]

Okay, so tallow-based body care, all of it.

[Speaker 1]

Yep.

[Speaker 2]

And then you've got this property. I'm guessing a lot of that property care, the chickens, the goats, the garden, that falls to you, because you're the one who's not gone.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, we have morning chores and we have evening chores, and most days the morning chores are on me, which is fine. It takes me 20-30 minutes. It's not hard.

And then in the evening, my husband and I work it together, and we try to do the harder things, the things that are a little more laborious, in the evening when we can do it together.

[Speaker 2]

Okay.

[Speaker 1]

So things like hauling water out to the meat chickens that are out in the field, that takes a little more time and it's a little more work, so that gets done in the evening.

[Speaker 2]

Got it. And then how do the kids, like, do they factor into the homesteading life? Do they not?

Because I know you've got older ones, but I don't know who's inside the house and who's not inside the house at this point.

[Speaker 1]

My daughter does work full-time, and my son started a new job where he's currently working full-time, and they're going to work, or part-time, and they're going to work him up to full-time. When they're here, if I need their help, they're super willing to help. My daughter does get up to be available for my three-year-old every morning when I go out for chores, because I don't want him to just wake up and wander the house alone, and a lot of times he's not awake when I go outside.

But yeah, they're helpful when we need help. They didn't choose the chickens and the goats in the garden, so we don't put a lot of that on them, but we're not afraid to ask them for help if we need it, and most of the time they'll step up and help, especially if it's keeping an eye on their little brother while we're doing something that he can't be involved in.

[Speaker 2]

Oh my gosh, that's lovely. That is probably the best review and endorsement of having a large age gap that I have ever heard.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, they adore their baby brother, and he adores them, and they all work together, and I love it.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, gosh, that's like a mom's dream right there. So it sounds like you've lived a lot of life, right? So, you know, you've started over in a new state, and you, let's just say, in a world maybe obsessed with convenience, you've chosen to live, like you said, a fairly inconvenient life, but that is very on purpose.

What is choosing what's best not necessarily easy? What does that look like day to day? Like what is sort of a choice that maybe it was hard to make initially because the convenient route was so much more programmed in, but now you can't think of doing a different way?

[Speaker 1]

So the cooking three meals a day has been hard because, again, it's a lot of dishes. We don't have a microwave, just personal choice, so, you know, heating up food is a little more complicated than throwing something on a paper plate and nuking it for two minutes. You know, I generally have to take something and put it in a baking dish and put it in the oven on low or heat it in a pan on the stove, which, again, creates more dishes.

The dishes, the dishes are always there for you.

[Speaker 2]

Oh my gosh. Dishes, your constant companion.

[Speaker 1]

And laundry. Oh, the laundry. Oh, yes.

So yeah, there's that. I think that's been a big, big challenge, and then I think the other thing that's hard too is the time I have to take to research and look into products and their ingredients and what's in them and, well, what is this big, long, complicated word that I can't say? What is this stuff and what does it do and where does its purpose and where does it come from?

And a lot of times, like, I get partway into reading about it. I'm like, yeah, I don't want to use that. So then I have to search for and find things that I am okay with using.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, and that's hard. And I've had people in my life, my best friend is gluten free. She's gluten sensitive.

And I remember, you know, seeing her work so hard to clear her diet because she was somebody who initially was like, if I had to give up pasta, you know, I'd rather just die than ever give up pasta or give up bread. And then you get to a point where you're like, oh, well, me feeling this poorly was caused by that thing. I guess it's not that important.

But I think she was probably gluten free for about 18 months before somebody brought up her shampoo and conditioner. Nobody, you know, no doctor had ever said, oh, by the way, look at your beauty products. Oh, by the way, look at this.

Oh, by the way, look at that. It was her hairstyle. She was just offhandedly mentioning to her hairstylist that as clean as her diet was, something was still bothering her.

And the stylist was like, oh, well, you know, that line has gluten in it. Yeah. And so that vigilance, I think there's some people out there who would say, well, you're just being paranoid.

A little bit won't hurt you. I'm sure you've heard that.

[Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Speaker 2]

I've heard people say that to my best friend so often. Oh, a little bit won't hurt you. So there's that component of it.

And then there is the fact that you're operating under a level of vigilance that other people aren't, whether by choice or simply just by ignorance. Right. Like there's a lot of people who don't know that there are choices to make.

They just don't. They don't think that deeply into it. Right.

And then there is sort of this in-between space trying to go from one place to the other, because I have never met anybody who was able to completely wipe allergens, contaminants, whatever you want to call them, from their lives all in one day. And I think most people kind of are able to make that transition because they find other people who have walked that path before. So how has community played into your journey?

[Speaker 1]

Well, I know you're familiar with Facebook groups, so that's mostly where I've learned things. Yeah. So, you know, I was like, I'll be in I think the Facebook group that really started all me finding this is a birth class Facebook group that I joined when I was pregnant with my third.

And it came with access to the Facebook group. So I joined that group. And that was good for learning a lot of things that have changed since I've since I had had kids before.

And it's also a more naturally minded group. So it's like, okay, well, you know, I'm looking for cleaner, safer products for my baby. And I'm like, wait, you mean that J&J brand that everybody uses to wash their babies is toxic?

What do you? Oh my gosh, yeah. You know, you read about these chemicals and things that are in them.

And you're like, Oh, okay. So that, you know, leads you to make different choices. And then of course, in those groups, people are always sharing about other groups for related to other topics.

And so that gosh, that sent me on just quite a tailspin ride of finding different groups and different things. I had, you know, friends will share about groups of another friend who eats gluten free, and she shared with me a gluten free sourdough group. So, you know, I've found these groups.

And I'm, I guess you would call it a hoverer. Like I'll join a group and I don't say anything. I don't post anything.

I don't comment. I just kind of hover and watch the group for a few weeks. And I'm like, what can I learn here?

Am I going to be comfortable in this group? Because some of the groups have all their featured things across the top where they'll have like the gluten free sourdough group has all their recipes pinned to the top that you can find for easy access and everything. And some of the groups I've still never commented in, I've still never made a post in or anything.

I'll just go use the group and search it like a library. Because it's just such a fantastic resource. And I'll find what I'm looking for.

You know, there's a non-toxic group that I'm in that's all about non-toxic products. I'm not gonna lie, I snooze them from my newsfeed because their posts stress me out like crazy.

[Speaker 2]

Oh, yeah.

[Speaker 1]

So I just snooze them all the time. I'll see a post. I'm like, oh, it must have been 30 days and I re-snooze them.

And then if I'm wondering about something, like I want to know about a certain product, I just go search the group, see if anybody mentions that product, do my looking, and then I go back on my happy life where they're not in my newsfeed.

[Speaker 2]

Oh my gosh. So there's a few things I want to pull out of what you just said. So first of all, I think what you mean is it's like just being constantly confronted with all the toxins that are out there is overwhelming in and of itself.

And there's only so much you can allow yourself to be exposed to for your own mental health.

[Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Speaker 2]

I remember feeling that way as a brand new mom with like parenting and baby groups. Like there was one group that would tell you like all the different things that were recalled all the time. And I was just like, you know what?

I just can't. Like I don't care if it makes me a bad mom, but I cannot be confronted with everything that I want within five feet of my child is somehow going to kill my child. Like, right.

No way to live. So from there though, some other things you said that I just really love. So first of all, you know, you call yourself a hoverer, which I love so much more than what we call in the community spaces as a lurker, right?

Because, and it's funny as when I talk about lurkers, because lurkers are actually one of the six archetypes of a healthy community. Like they are considered a healthy part of a group. And in most groups, you have at least 45% of your community are lurkers.

A lot of groups are more than that, like 85%. And because a good 15% of your community will never, ever let you know they're there. No matter what your group is about paid or unpaid, a good 15% will never make themselves known.

And you know, in the spaces I run and a lot of people like, I need to activate my lurkers. I need to get my lurkers out there. And the thing is, is if you didn't have lurkers, if you had zero lurkers in your group, you would actually not have a healthy group.

That's just, that's what research says.

[Speaker 1]

I help make groups healthy.

[Speaker 2]

You do. You help make groups healthy. And here's, here's the thing that people don't realize is because I think most people think, well, it's not a community unless everybody's talking.

And then I always have to say, but does any of us have the time, energy, or just emotional space for everybody to be talking all at the same time? No, right? Like, I mean, I don't, and I do this sort of thing for a living.

Like part of what makes me able to be in so many communities and work in so many communities is knowing that on average, only 25% of the group is active at any given time. But what I love about lurkers in particular is lurkers give you the data that you need, right? Clicking on things like you described, clicking on stuff, you're reading stuff, you are actively consuming the information and that can all be tracked, especially if we're talking specifically about Facebook groups.

So the data is there, but quite honestly, you're not asking me 25 million questions that I have to answer every day.

[Speaker 1]

No.

[Speaker 2]

And I just want to say on behalf of all the admins out there, Alicia, thank you. Well, and that's, thank you. You're welcome.

[Speaker 1]

And that's one thing that I will say that irritates me about a group. Like I will be in a group and people will come in and be like, like, let's say a chicken group. Somebody will come into a chicken group and be like, hi, I'm new here.

I'm a first time chicken keeper. These are my two week old chickens. Can you tell me, is this one a hen or a rooster?

You know what? Give it like six more weeks and you'll know. Like they grow really fast and, and honestly, like if you would have just joined the group and done some searches, you would see that all the experienced chicken keepers are going to tell you, you can't really tell at this age.

You're just hoping for the best. So.

[Speaker 2]

Well, so, okay. So first I want to like unpack a little bit about what you said about your experience with Facebook groups specifically. And then before we started recording, you had referenced that you searched high and low and you really couldn't find a good online chicken group.

And so what I want to do is I just want to know from your perspective, what makes a good group and a bad group, right? Or a good, let's, maybe say a useful community and a not so useful community. But before that, so, you know, the things that I think that are important for anybody who's listening, who's in communities, especially online or hosts them, is your tendency to come in and get a lay of the land, like observe, access the information in order to, first of all, get answers to the questions that you have, right?

Because I don't know anybody who needs another community in their life. Nobody wakes up at 2am going, golly gee darn, if I could just have one more Facebook group. Oh my, if I could just have another online membership, that would just totally complete my life.

People join communities to solve problems, whatever they are.

[Speaker 1]

Exactly.

[Speaker 2]

And you go in, you look for the solutions. You've already said some of them you choose to only participate in when you have a problem that you know that they can solve. Others, you probably just need to stay more current with them because of the lifestyle.

For instance, 24-7, you need to be free of gluten.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

So it makes sense that you would be actively plugged into a community that talks about gluten-containing areas and also ways to stay safe from gluten. Yeah. I'm curious, though, the chicken thing with Facebook groups.

What made them not useful, more useful? Like what does that look like?

[Speaker 1]

So I was in three chicken groups. I was in one that was ginormous, like absolutely ginormous. And then I was in one that's run by a gal I found on Instagram when I started learning about chickens.

And her Facebook community is great. It's not huge. It's pretty small.

She has a really good moderator who helps her run the group. And you don't see a lot of spammy posts in there or anything. So it's good.

And then I'm also in one local to my state, because there are situations with raising chickens in Michigan that you may not, I wouldn't have had an issue with in California. I didn't have to worry about how to weatherproof my coop for snow and ice in California, but I do have to be concerned about that here. So I had those three groups.

And the one really huge group, the group owner asked me to be a moderator. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll give it a try. But then that group is so out of control.

And there are the rules are so loose. And there are hundreds of thousands of people in it. So many spammy posts, which, you know, spammy posts make people mad.

People get ticked off. And they're like, the admins and moderators aren't doing anything here.

[Speaker 2]

It's like, well, and they always blame you. They never blame the person who posts the spammy thing.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, like, we're trying. Okay, we're trying. Like, do you know how many like human, I'm a human, I only have two hands.

And I don't get paid for this. You know, this is just when I have five minutes to sit down and look at the posts, I will. But that group got pretty intense.

And one of the group members actually started personally coming after me and was searching my personal profile and like trying to grab any public pictures of my family and do things. And the group owner was like, Oh, just let it calm down for a couple weeks. And I'm like, No, this is this is too much.

You refuse to do anything about these people. And like, yeah, I can block the guy from the group. But there's going to be another one in two days.

And because the group owner I kind of saw and again, this person hides behind a fake name. So I have no idea if this is a man or a woman or what, you know, for all I know, it's a giant rooster.

[Speaker 2]

But um, you do live in Michigan.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, but and this and this person also didn't seem like English was their native language. And so I was like, you know what, I'm done. And I left the group.

And then this person kept messaging me like, well, you can come back, you can come back. And I'm like, block. Bye.

No. So I just have the two chicken groups now. But you know, and I have left groups, because it's obvious the groups don't have good rules set in place to keep things.

And I'm not saying like, there's other groups that are just too strict. It's like, you can't use the word pineapple in this group. Why did you say pineapple?

I'm like, excuse me. Okay, you know, and that's just a silly example.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah. But you're right. I mean, so what you're saying is, is in terms of for you personally, because this is the thing is there are certain things that are best practices for communities, especially online.

And then there are certain things that are individual, there are people who love supersized groups. They love the fact that it's like ping ponging all day long and their notifications that they can always go there and see new content that makes them happy. They love the fact that if they ask a question, they can get 52 responses, many of which tell them like 38 different answers.

Right? They love that that makes them really happy. And then there's other people who, you know, it seems like you're kind of in that category where you like midsize to smaller communities, you know, so those are personal things.

But then there's things that like, it's just a good practice, right? To me, it's not a community unless a person can come in, connect with whoever is the boss of the place, whoever's running the place, or the admin team, if there's multiple people, connect with the content, whatever the shared purpose or the intent is of the community, and then connect with each other.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

And what I think is, in some of these groups where there's, we'll say, weak moderation is in folks mind, the ability to connect with each other means that we just kind of let the inmates run the asylum, so to speak.

[Speaker 1]

Yes. And that's exactly how that chicken group felt. And it was insane.

[Speaker 2]

And right. And the reality is, you can't connect with anybody else. If there's all this chaos, and all this noise, all these spammy posts, as you mentioned, rules, and enforcing the rules are actually what keep everybody feeling safe.

[Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Speaker 2]

Both safe to participate, safe to honestly represent their lives. I mean, nobody wants to be in a community, if they know that there's a person in there that's going to go hunt down their personal profile and look for pictures of their kids. I mean, that's just creepy.

[Speaker 1]

Yes, very much so. And it was like, within hours of that happening, I was like, Nope, I'm done. I'm out of here.

Like you can take your crazy group that you were used to tighten up the ship on and you can go sail away because I'm not doing this.

[Speaker 2]

And I find a lot of times faith based groups that I've worked in almost do this the worst because they're trying so hard to be inclusive of everybody that they realize that they're actually making their place unsafe for others.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

What else do you value when you go to online community, specifically, since that seems to be where you look for a lot of these homesteady sort of scenarios and solutions?

[Speaker 1]

I do value, like I said, where they have the things pinned at the top, and the groups are searchable. I value in that the moderators and admin teams are responsive. Now, I know they're human, and they can't be there all the time.

But I forgot about there's another chicken group I'm in. I'm in one specifically for like when you have a sick chicken, and how to and how to help them. And that group, the admins and moderators do run a pretty tight ship there.

But they're also extremely responsive. I believe that's one of the groups where when you submit a post, it has to be approved. And they do that because they don't want anybody giving bad advice that's going to hurt a chicken.

They don't want anybody giving advice that's going to harm rather than heal. And all of these people are professionals in some way, shape or form and have years and years and years of experience with these chickens. So that group, I do appreciate that a ton, the responsiveness of the admin team.

Because then there's another group that I left, where the admin, you could tag them by name, and they wouldn't allow any moderators or help. They were like, no, I've got it. I've got it.

But you need help, and they don't help you. You have a question, and they don't respond. And why are you going to have a community if you're not willing to be a part of your community?

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, that is a great question. I wish I had an answer for you. But I think there's a thing, it sounds like a great idea, right?

We should have a chicken group. And then the reality of what it means to be a community leader does not always match the assumption or the idea or the concept they had in their mind. Because humans, as you know, humans are predictably unpredictable.

And you just never quite know how things are going to turn out. So for you, you lean into online community, especially when it comes to solving problems that you experience. Well, how has the in-person community played in for you?

I don't know anybody who cans all by themselves. Maybe you do. But like, do you have community around canning?

Or you had mentioned you've got neighbors who are going to help you plow fields. What is that like?

[Speaker 1]

So my best friend in California actually helped teach me how to can. And my mom used to do some when I was a kid. But it was mostly like apricot preserves from the apricot tree we had in our backyard in California.

And so I don't remember us canning much else than that when I was a kid. But my best friend actually taught me how to do some canning and pointed me to some resources and things because her family does live on a little bit bigger property in California. And they have a huge garden and they grow and can stuff every year.

So she's actually the one who started me on that. And then I just kind of got into it a little more. And with the plowing those friends, it's friends we made at church.

You know, we connect with that community in person at our church. We were involved at our church in California, and it was important to us to find that community here. And we love our church family here in Michigan.

We love the people that we've connected with. And after we'd been here, oh gosh, about eight months, we joined a small group within our church. We're like, well, we can't really become a part of this community if we're not willing to step into this community.

So we did join a small group. And that has brought us some of the most incredible friends and people that we sit and talk with and share life with once a week in the evening. You know, and we have a group me thread, that texting app group me.

And we can shoot a quick message. Hey, guys, this is what's going on. This is a problem we have that we need a solution for.

Does anybody know of anybody who can help us with this? And there have been times where it's one of those people in that group who show up at our house and help us.

[Speaker 2]

So what I'm hearing is, is really a beautiful blend between modern community building, which for many of us is in the online space, but also old school, traditional eyeball to eyeball, gathering around faith, family, friends, and food. And food. Yes.

Yes. Food is my favorite. So speaking of food, I'm curious for you, to some degree, you're kind of swimming upstream, not necessarily in your community, but kind of in wider society.

You're raising your kids differently than a lot of people raise their kids. You're feeding your family way differently than the average American feeds their family. People would say you're just doing things the hard way.

I'm curious how this life that you have very intentionally chosen to live, what has it taught you about belonging?

[Speaker 1]

It's shown me too, that sometimes people don't see you for who you are. They see you for what you do. And because let's be real, I don't have like a huge, vast array of friends.

I have, I have a fairly small circle of friends and I'm okay with that because not everybody's going to be okay with coming to my house and eating homemade fries that I've cut up from organic potatoes and baked in my oven in beef tallow that I rendered from locally raised suet. Not everybody's going to be okay with that. They're going to think that that's weird and that's gross.

And why can't you just fry it in canola oil like they do at McDonald's? Well, because the canola oil that they fried in at McDonald's is disgusting. And McDonald's french fries have like 18 ingredients.

These have three. Right. So, you know, just people don't always accept it.

You know, you think, you would think that doing things a simpler way would be more acceptable, but it's not. And I've have had people who were like, okay, you're crazy. Bye.

And just kind of stepped away because they don't like the way we do things. You know, people hear that we're raising our own chickens and they're like, okay, I just don't ever want to see them because I can't see the face of something I'm going to eat. And I'm like, well, how do you think people did it centuries ago?

Like, you know, 150 years ago, you couldn't just walk into the grocery store and buy a whole chicken and cook it and its head was already gone. You know, somebody had to do that.

[Speaker 2]

Right. Right. Well, there is, I mean, we could talk about this another time, but you know, a whole population of people who are very far removed from how the food gets on their plate.

[Speaker 1]

Exactly.

[Speaker 2]

And I think part of what you're talking about is there are people who are blissfully ignorant, whether I think a lot of times it's like their brain is already full. They already have so much that they're worried about. They don't need one more thing.

And it is very inconvenient for you to force them to be aware of the thing that they've been very ignorant of. For the person who is listening and says, hi, you know, maybe I've seen some of, of what you're talking about online, but I haven't really had time to explore it. Or, you know, everybody around me thinks I'm a big weirdo.

What would you suggest? Like just a small step that they could take if they're starting to question the status quo, especially around just the food aspect, how they nourish themselves, how they nourish their families, what advice would you give?

[Speaker 1]

One thing at a time. So, you know, don't try to eliminate everything at once. Don't question everything at once.

Question, look into research one thing at a time, because anything else is going to overwhelm you. It's going to make your head spin. It's going to make you feel like you can't eat anything at all because everything is poison and everything is going to kill you and everything is going to make your family sick.

And so one thing at a time, you know, for me, that one thing at first was food dyes and it's slowly graduated to other things, you know, the seed oils and, you know, the gluten is absolutely necessary. And yeah, maybe all the other things are not necessary, but over time they've become necessary to us because we know we feel better without them. And, you know, find somebody who maybe knows something or knows some resources or can point you in the right direction.

You don't have to change everything all at once. You don't have to do it all today. You can say, okay, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and pay more attention to those food dyes and see, you know, does it make me feel better?

Does it not? And make a choice for yourself. What's right for one person isn't going to be right for everybody.

[Speaker 2]

Excellent advice. And that makes me think of the flip side. So the person who's listening, who thinks just like you, believes just like you, wants to live just like you, but this person does not have the same compassion you have.

This person is frustrated that they can't get their friends and family to see what they see. What advice would you give to them?

[Speaker 1]

Don't push it. Like, I can't push people into living life the way that we do. You know, I have family members who are in the medical field and they are trained on the way that the medical schools tell people to eat.

You know, they tell people that canola oil is heart healthy. And when I tell them, no, I don't eat canola oil. I'd rather use, you know, beef fat or butter.

They think I'm crazy, but I'm not going to convince them. They're going to have to see the difference in me over time. And some people have done that and seen things in me that are different over time, or they've seen something different in my three-year-old and be like, what do you do with this kid?

Why is he so different? Or like, wow, your kid eats, you know, ribs straight off the bone. My kid will only eat chicken nuggets.

That kid loves ribs. That kid loves a good steak because that's just how he's always eaten. You know, so you can't, you can't force somebody to change.

You can just show them.

[Speaker 2]

I love that. I love that. So it's not about forcing people to do anything that they want to do, don't want to do.

It's just about showing them what it's like and letting them love their life while they hopefully let you live yours. Yeah. So Alicia, we, we have all the information of where to find you.

So listeners can definitely check out Shidler Goods on Instagram, Shidler Goods on Facebook. You have a website, which is notmusic.com slash Shidler Goods, LLC. There is no C in Shidler.

I had to train myself on that as I wrote it out.

[Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Speaker 2]

Now though, I wanted to bring us to Freak Flags Fly, which is our rapid fire segment of the show. Are you game? It's five questions.

Okay. No wrong answers.

[Speaker 1]

Okay.

[Speaker 2]

Fill in the blank. You're my kind of freak if.

[Speaker 1]

You have chickens.

[Speaker 2]

Awesome. What is something you love that your friends just don't get?

[Speaker 1]

Oh gosh, my goats. A lot of people don't get my goats.

[Speaker 2]

Goats are an acquired taste. Oh, I love them so much. Okay.

So third question, what community would you infiltrate just to understand it better?

[Speaker 1]

What do I want to understand better? Probably the products I make. I want to understand why different things work the way they do a little bit better, but it's one of those things I haven't had time to delve into.

So.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah. Okay. So what tool, ritual, or practice helps you stay connected to your people?

[Speaker 1]

The stinking phone. Because, you know, I can text people. I can call people.

I can, my three-year-old, he likes to push the green button, which is FaceTime, to see Nana and Papa. So, you know, just it helps me stay connected with my people.

[Speaker 2]

Okay. And then who is someone doing freakishly good work who deserves a bigger stage? Can be anyone, anywhere.

[Speaker 1]

I think it's my best friend. She doesn't think she is, but I think it's her. What's her name?

Her name is Sonia Tucker and she runs a small business called Hope and Stay. She is a single mom and she makes reclaimed wood pallet signs and garden markers and stickers and just the things that she makes, I feel like inspire hope and just give little glimpses of sunshine in people's day. You know, I have one of her signs on my chicken coop that says the fluffy butthut.

Last one in is a rotten egg. You know, we have, we have some of her signs and garden markers in our garden. I have a sign of hers in my laundry room.

Like her work is all over my house. I have some of her stickers all over things. And she just puts so much thought into care and everything she does.

And she does this, you know, while raising a little one as a single mom and helping her parents with caring for her grandma and her aunt. And I just, I think she's an amazing person and I love her to bits.

[Speaker 2]

Oh my gosh, you are such a good friend. You're going to have to give us her information so we can put her shop in the show notes because that will be super fun for folks. And Alicia, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for giving us just like the whole picture of what your journey has been, the perspective that you have brought to it, but more than anything, your voice, because there's a lot of loud voices in this particular space, in this holistic living space.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

And you bring such a voice of reason. And to everybody listening, if you've ever been made to feel like you're too much or too different, or maybe too behind the times, I hope this episode reminds you that the life that's right for you won't necessarily look normal to others, but that's exactly the point. That's it for this episode of Find Your Freaks.

To help more weirdos find their way here, subscribe, rate, and leave a review. And if you're craving connection, join the freak show at findyourfreaks.com. What makes you weird, makes you wonderful.

Normal was never the point.