Penny is delighted to introduce her very first cryptid, the Ozark Howler! They tell her all about their morning routine of laughter yoga, where the name "the Ozark Howler" comes from, and what barbecue sauce goes best with human flesh.

The Ozark Howler's voice sounds unsettlingly like Xan Wyngraf, whose tweets you can read at @inXanityTTRPG!

Penny Cephalonia sounds a lot like Rebecca Hicks, on Twitter at @RHicks.

Sibyl Corvin's voice bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Jaci Szilagyi, who twitters at @jekyllyn.

Music is by TJ, the empathic vampire! Learn more or get your own awesome music at https://linktr.ee/afkai.

Sound editing by Sibyl's doppelganger Jaci.

Check out the art of Penny's vocal doppelganger at lunaseastudios.storenvy.com!

Follow THE GORGON SHOW on Twitter at @GorgonShow, or email us at gorgonshow@faustiannonsense.com. See transcripts at faustiannonsense.com/gorgon-show.

THE GORGON SHOW is a proud member of the Faustian Nonsense network. Check out other projects by FN at faustiannonsense.com.

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Mentioned in this episode:

Finding Monster Right is a hilarious podcast in which Adam and Allie answer questions you've never asked about monsters from folklore, pop culture, and our own world. Find them wherever you get your podcasts, and on twitter at @MonsterRightPod!

The Ozark Howler 0:00

One could consider me an elected official. I am elected by the general conscienceness and consensiousness of those around me that hey, that spooky thing in the woods. I think that's the the Ozark Howler!

Penny 0:27

Hi, you're listening to the Gorgon show a podcast about being a monster in a human world. I'm your host Penny cephalonia. And I'm a Gorgon. We have another question from a human listener. Spud chucker82 asks, What do Gorgons eat? I like scrambled egg whites with hot sauce

Duncan 0:48

Doughnuts!

Penny 0:50

No Duncan we don't eat only donuts. What Gorgons eat is well as varied as what humans eat. I can't say what all of us eat in the same way. You couldn't say all humans eat scrambled egg whites with hot sauce spudchucker

Forbes 1:05

I think egg whites are an insult to chickens, but everybody likes what they like, you know?

Penny 1:10

I don't know any chickens. And neither do you forbes but thank you for caring about their little chicken feelings. Now I know that some humans think we Gorgons have snake tongues in our mouths. But we have the same kind of tongues that humans do. Which means we have the same kinds of tastebuds. And our digestive systems are the same so we can do eat what you eat.

Zappa 1:33

I know you like sushi penny and it's like so cute when you wrinkle your nose when you've eaten a piece of capa maki with too much wasabi on it.

Penny 1:42

I like a lot of different foods, even the ones that burn my sinuses, but my cousin Theo eats the same exact thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.

Forbes 1:51

That the cousin that eats oatmeal every morning?

Penny 1:54

Yes, it's really inexpensive to buy him brunch. I'll give him that. Now my friend Iris is vegetarian because she locked eyes with a cow once and turned it to stone. And she felt so bad about that that she could never eat another hamburger. So as you can see spud chucker 82 Gorgons eat all kinds of things. Now our snakes on the other hand, do have a more specialized diet. Some Gorgons let their snakes hunt and eat whole live mice. But my snakes are too small for that. We did try it once though.

Johann 2:27

zappa kept telling the mice to run.

Zappa 2:30

They were just so cute. How can we eat them?

Penny 2:34

But you all like the fancy things Roden meals, don't you? I just opened the can and let y'all go to town.

Duncan 2:41

Donuts.

Penny 2:43

And yes, after the podcast I treat us all to a nice glazed chocolate cake donut. I pinch off little bites and feed them to you.

Zappa 2:52

I like when you feed us donut with chopsticks. It's so classy. I'm going to totally learn how to use chopsticks one day.

Penny 3:01

Well, it's good to have goals Zappa, even impossible ones. Thank you for your questions, spudchucker82, I think you might enjoy what our guest today has to say about food. Oh, or maybe not since you're a human and our guest is a human eating cryptid Hmm. I guess I should warn my human listeners that today's podcast contains descriptions of how delicious humans can taste with barbecue sauce. That might be a bit upsetting to you now that I think about it. Listen at your discretion. But don't skip this word from one of our wonderful sponsors.

Penny 3:38

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Penny 4:38

Please welcome our guest, the Ozark Howler. Welcome to the Gorgon show thank you for being here.

The Ozark Howler 4:45

Oh well. We will thank you so much for for having me. It is an absolute delight. I have been a fan of yours for quite a while and it is a powerful flattering.

Penny 4:57

Oh, oh my goodness. So, are you a fan?

The Ozark Howler 5:02

I, you know, I? I have been called a little bit of a fanatic before, but I would say that I have simply a healthy interest in you in your show. It's fascinating. Really.

Penny 5:17

I am so honored by that. And and well, I know this is a podcast, but I'm blushing and oh, goodness, all of my snakes are blushing, too. I didn't even know they were capable of doing that. Anyway, thank you. Oh, so much. Oh, goodness. Okay, I'm going to try to keep being professional. But I also want to giggle. Hey, so, Ozark Howler, what do you want humans and other monsters to know about? Your kind?

The Ozark Howler 5:46

Well, I think the big takeaway from this should be always be courteous of what you leave in your campsites. That is the kindest thing that you can do to your to your local cryptid. You know, you we always encourage you to pick up after yourself and you should most certainly make sure your fires are extinguished. But if you were to leave a few more packages of say, some, some nice sausages, or perhaps maybe a half dozen oysters on the half shell that would certainly not go amiss, and would certainly get you the favor of some of the creatures in the night.

Penny 6:29

Oh, well, well, okay. We share a love of sausages. That's that's good to know. So you mentioned campsite. So are you a Oh, and of course, you're a cryptid, which some humans see as being very different from monster, but we can get into that in a moment. But you mentioned campsite. So do you live in the woods? Like Where where are you located?

The Ozark Howler 6:56

Well, I tend to roam about in the Ozarks area. I know quite surprising. The name is actually not a misnomer at all. It is in fact, the truth of the matter. At the moment, I'm living somewhere in the northwest Arkansas region I have found I have found myself strolling around the the Newton County area but it is not where my My domicile currently presides. I would like to be a little more forthcoming with you, but I'm sure you understand a healthy degree of privacy.

Penny 7:35

Oh, absolutely. You please only share what you are comfortable with sharing on the gorgon show. But thank you so much for being so specific. For any international listeners. Arkansas is a state here in the United States. Look it up on a map. It's in the South and the Ozark Mountains. I'm I'm familiar with some mountain ranges in the United States, like the Rockies, but the Ozarks Where where are they exactly how far do they stretch across these United States?

The Ozark Howler 8:08

Oh, well, they do stretch for quite a ways they run the breadth of pretty much the the eastern half of the nation. You know, they do start and reach their pinnacle and so to speak, I do tickle myself. It is it starts in around the Arkansas area and does go pretty far north. We can even reach pretty close to the eastern seaboard with it now and I note that we maybe do not have the prestige, the name brand recognition that you might find with the say the Smokies or the Appalachians but we do have a quiet and a sophisticated beauty a natural peace around us and well just a delightful grub and so yes, well that is a little bit detracted from your question. Yes, we are we are in the century ish of these these states.

Penny 9:10

Oh, they sound absolutely delightful and beautiful. I hope I get to visit someday I have been in that general area, but I've never really been to the Ozark Mountains. I must fix that. Oh, I think my snakes are excited to go as well. I bet there are many awesome snakes in the Ozark Mountains too

The Ozark Howler 9:29

Oh well there are in fact I will it it is a certain definition of an interesting snake that we've got a cottonmouths and copperheads. Personally, I like to call it the copperhead the oops, I didn't see you down there. And it'll sometimes give me a powerful fright. But it is those those little ones. They liked it. They do like to hide but unfortunately, I am a little bit on the heavy side. So it's bad for both of us.

Penny: 10:00

Oh, I'm definitely going to have to visit this place. Now. I don't think my snakes will forgive me if I don't. Now you mentioned you're on the heavy side. Um, could you for listeners just describe what you look like in general if you feel comfortable in doing so?

The Ozark Howler: 10:16

Well, those those inknowledgeable rubes might say that I resemble a bear, one of the Ursa Ursa if you if you will pardon on my Latin, and however, I think I have a little bit more of the grace and the the poise and the dexterity of one of our great mountain lions. I am slightly larger, and I do I suppose, share a bear's broad shoulder and particular disposition around the teeth region. But an interesting thing I do happen to sport these wonderful pair of curved horns, which seems to throw people for a loop. They think, oh, it's a bear. Oh, it's so fast. It's not a bear at all. It's a mountain lion. Oh, oh, goodness. Heavens to Betsy. It's got horns. Let's run.

Penny: 11:13

Yes, I found that humans are. Well, in addition to being sometimes freaked out by snakes on your head, they are often freaked out by horns. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Okay, well, thank you so much for describing yourself. Um, I have no idea. So So I must ask. I have no idea how you got the name. The Ozark Howler to do you actually how

The Ozark Howler: 11:39

well see that is that is a powerful coincidence that you would have give me such an inquisition. I do not know know for certain why they have chosen to call me the Ozark Howler. I have an inkling or three. We see in the mornings I like to start my day with a little bit of laughter yoga, which I know has gained a little bit of suspicion in some circles. However, I found it greatly sets my mind and mood for the day ahead. So I will walk out first thing and let the sun warm, my luxurious fur and start to heat the horns and I'll take a deep breath and I might permit myself to have a little chuckle. And some could say that is that is why I'm called the Ozark Howler. I do also as we mentioned before, with the campfires, I do love to to hang around and be a bit of a wallflower if you will on some of these human gatherings by the by the rivers and sometimes the humans are just so they just so Oh, it was so I don't even know the word they just say the darndest things.

Penny: 13:02

They're so human they're very human

The Ozark Howler: 13:04

exactly that that really is it that just is the thing they are just human and and you know we can't really think any less of them for making that kind of mistake but they'll be doing something goofy and I'll I might make a little comment from the from the peanut gallery as it were. And that could be why they why they call me the Ozark Howler. I am also a little bit on the clumsy side I would be remiss not to mention and I do sometimes do me a little bit of a stumble down the mountain not great usually after I've had a few too many cordials but I was cordially invited and it is it is about the time of the tumble that I could understand why they would call me the the Ozark Hello there's a few reasons

Penny: 13:58

well is Are you okay with that name I've talked with several monsters who you know have difficulties with being called monsters to start and and who really don't appreciate the name that humans have given them but but do you embrace the name or is there something you'd rather go by?

The Ozark Howler: 14:16

Well it's interesting that you should ask such a question for it is my my side did not did not bequeath to me the name of the the Ozark howler it is. It is really more of a more of a title a distinguishment you might say oh, it is yeah, it is it is actually quite quite fascinating. Is that not the not been the case with any of your your other guests have they not been duly elected? cryptotic officials?

Penny: 14:47

Um, you are actually my first cryptid guest Yeah, you are the first to be classified as a cryptid by by humans. I hope that's okay.

The Ozark Howler: 15:00

Oh that it is that it is a great treat to my ego. I do declare. No I am actually one could consider me an elected official. I'm elected by the general conscienceness and consensiousness of those around me that hey. That spooky thing in the woods. I think that's the the Ozark Howler. And enough people said, Yeah, I do concur. That is, in fact, the Ozark Howler. I do. I agree. So that is that is how I became known as the as the Ozark Howler. Personally, I think of myself as Gregory that's fine with me. I you know, I know who I am and I know what I am. So I don't really feel the need to question the other interpretations of what I am.

Penny: 15:55

Oh, that's fascinating. And also very nice to meet you, Gregory. I'm Penny.

The Ozark Howler: 16:01

The pleasure is all mine, Penny.

Penny: 16:03

So is there just one cryptid that is designated the Ozark Howler at a time then or are there multiple Ozark howlers?

The Ozark Howler: 16:14

Oh, well, well, I'm actually from a quite a quite a diverse family. We tend to be a little loud in the personality area. So we tend not to stay grouped up that closely but we do see each other on you know, on holidays, we will send a postcard on Easter on Christmas on Leif Erickson day, one of the one of the kids had been telling me about that lately, I'm not fully sure of the repercussions. Or the implications of such a holiday but I do digress. We do talk to each other on occasion, but they do not necessarily all resemble my continence. They some of them are a little bit more a little bit more ictheological. One could say a little a little flounder resemblance in there some could say of older old Bernice and well there is there is also you may be aware of one of my cousins as well they are a little bit a little bit north of the Mason Dixon and they're a little bit about New Englanders. So we'd like to give them a good razzin at family gatherings. I will I know them as as Robert. However, you might know them as the The Jersey Devil

Penny: 17:35

Oh,

The Ozark Howler: 17:36

they they've actually uh yeah, it is it's quite fast they have done incredibly well for themselves. We are all incredibly proud of how they have moved on and advanced themselves in the world and gotten their fancy corporate ties with sports teams and and the locket is it is certainly noted and appreciated. And in case you ever have them on your show, or you would be be well regarded to ask them why they only brought potato salad to the last gathering.

Penny: 18:11

Oh, it didn't have raisins in it did it? Oh,

The Ozark Howler: 18:14

it did not have raisins at all.

Penny: 18:15

Oh, good. Good, because I know I'm a Gorgon, but even I know that's just wrong. So The Jersey Devil named Robert oh my goodness, I I've been wanting to have The Jersey Devil as a guest. So since you are a fan, perhaps you could put in a good word for me with Robert

The Ozark Howler: 18:37

Of course. That is assuming he'll pick up the phone this time.

Penny: 18:43

Oh, you have you have those family members too, who just never ever respond to your texts. We all are burdened with those people.

The Ozark Howler: 18:53

Such we but that's okay. There's so much joy to be had and in a daily life and why? Why reach across the world to find to find some extra this. There's so much light and laughter to be found. Just in the backyard.

Penny: 19:08

Exactly. That's wonderful. As long as our fellow monsters bring more than just potato salad to the potluck he so Gregory in addition to starting your day with laughing yoga, what what is a day in the life of the Ozark Howler like your average day

The Ozark Howler: 19:27

more than my average day? Well you did mention my my little my little stretching that I do in the morning I've found that that yoga is the one that sits with me the most there was a unfortunate period where I told myself that I would be okay and I will it just turns out I don't have that much willpower because I thought that goat yoga would be just a fantastic idea and and it was a but then I was a little too bloated to to want to stretch it oh yeah, it was just as full as a tick On a lab

Penny: 20:00

who I don't think the humans who do goat yoga, eat the goats but you know you be you You're not human He

The Ozark Howler: 20:11

Ain't that the truth or that they can they can do whatever they like however they want to squander their opportunity is their own business but back to your question I will do my morning wake ups and warm ups have a have a cup of coffee maybe catch up on on some some of the good programs and those network comedies that I have I've maybe missed out on it over the the recent events I tell you I am a fan of that you know that that show with him folks across the pond with the panel and the questions and you even though the one without their real smart person asking the questions and when they when they get it wrong it's oh it tickles me every time a oh and I mean after after I've had myself little enjoyment out I'll have a stroll introduce myself to the to the locals were to have myself and a chuckle while they run away as though well yes it is and howdy do to you as well. And oh say around them around dusk so I will I will come back into cook myself a healthy and hearty dinner. And before I do retire for the night. Oh, go out and have another stroll maybe leave some fun some a couple of hair strands on an unsuspecting car just to make them question what exactly reality was in the morning maybe if I find someone someone has has come into the the area that I'm in that I'm in and they have some kind of a political statement on the bumper sticker. Say that that is that that might be something that could cause me to play a little. a little playful little prank. I do love a little prank a little three tire slash can't cut the fourth one because the insurance a catch if you do that. That is that's what my cousin told me at least. Oh, but uh, you know, I'm sure those cops have been some way to get out of town. I guess I suppose probably I will. I will be completely candid with you.

Penny: 22:35

Please.

The Ozark Howler: 22:35

Some nights I do allow myself a little little chocolate chip cookie around the three am hour. It's just my little treat to me and I do deserve it. I've been so good lately.

Penny: 22:47

Oh, that that sounds delightfully naughty. He

The Ozark Howler: 22:50

it's decadent if nothing else. Oh,

Penny: 22:53

yes. cookies taste better at three in the morning as do donuts.

Duncan: 22:59

Doughnuts!

Penny: 23:00

Duncan that's after after the interview. After the podcast. We will have doughnuts, I promise. And who knows? Maybe we can have them at three in the morning our time he so So you mentioned playing pranks on humans and you've talked about humans camping. So and you walk around human towns? How much interaction do you have with humans normally?

The Ozark Howler: 23:24

Oh, well, I tend to avoid the face to face interactions as it were, as much of a conversationalist as I am some people will take a little gander at my chompers and say oh no. And just assume that I will will eat them. The thing about assuming though, is you will make an ass out of you and me but to be entirely Frank, I have eaten a few not enough for the reputation that I have. I'm first to say. However, I would I would be exaggerating. if I said there was no issue of concern. But you know, I do get a little little peckish sometimes or Oh, I guess a little bite ish as it were. But um, you know, I do in all seriousness, though, I do try to avoid some of the more heavy handed interactions I I've seen so many people on the internet and it just always seems like the they they tend to get you when you when you're looking your worst when you've got you know, Briars in your in your hair and, and, you know, fish hanging out of your mouth and just just looking unkempt as the day you were born in your birthday suit, no less so I just I try to avoid that kind of stuff. But I do love speculating on people's rumors and they're a percolation on on what might be. But yes, I suppose the short answer to the to the question that you've been asking is well, I a moderate amount, I would say I do try to avoid them if I can, but you know, sometimes I am a little bit chatty.

Penny: 25:08

That's it's all very, very understandable. Oh, I just thought of something funny. If you prefer your humans to be crunchy, perhaps you should befriend a Gorgon, he sorry, human friends, I am not advocating eating you or turning you to stone

The Ozark Howler: 25:25

oh well that is quite a coincidence. I tell you the the last few that I had myself a little snacking on did seem to be a little bit of the crunchy variety in another way. I sat and I looked at my hand, kinda breathing back and forth. And I just giggled for over an hour. So that is probably why they called me the Arkansas they Ozark Howler that day. You know, so they were a little bit stony too one could say.

Penny: 25:58

It's a little known fact that if you are already stoned, that Gorgons have more trouble turning you to stone so So humans, go ahead and toke up, it's one of the ways you can protect yourselves from us, even those of us who don't want to harm you. Of course, there are many monsters who do want to harm you, but only if you're being an asshole. So if you could be a human for a day, preferably one that wasn't about to be eaten hehe would you take that opportunity, would you be human? And and what would you do on that day?

The Ozark Howler: 26:35

Oh, well, I think that my answer that question would be highly detrimental on the date. You see, I I would know if you would ask me like on a on a pleasant Sunday or something like that. Have you in in say July? I would say Well, no, thank you. It is entirely too warm. I am too Shaggy. And I just do not need to have the experience of wearing those. Those clothes that they go so that they do go so on and on about. I do apologize for that noise. There is a poor little raccoon that I've taken in who was a who was hurt by some mean folks who tasted wonderful with some barbecue sauce. I will add, and I've been trying to nurse him back to health and, and well it turns out he's a little unholy terror they say that I'm the monster. Well, I tell you he does play a plays hell on my drapes, if nothing else. But where was I was? Yes, I on that. That warm day. No, I'm fine. I would pass on that. In fact, I would say that I would pass on almost any day of the year. However, there is one time that I I would very much like to experience a tailgating party for for one of them. The Razorback football games I do loves me a football game, especially in a pleasant little day. I would say I would enjoy the opportunity to be surrounded with my fellow sports enthusiast. And partake in their arousing cry of a whoop pig Suez. Woof. And now I think that would be a wonderfully pleasant afternoon. I know it sounds a little odd, but there's just such a such a camaraderie, right rateryship they add that that I feel like it would it would be very beneficial and perhaps some could even say an enlightening experience.

Penny: 28:40

I think you'd be a lot of fun at a tailgate party. I went to one once with some human friends from Kentucky for for the University of Kentucky Wildcats. And they were so loud. It was really a lot of fun. And I think you would have fit right in Go Cats.

The Ozark Howler: 28:58

Huh? I see what your allegiances lie.

Penny: 29:02

Oh, it's good.

The Ozark Howler: 29:04

That's fine. We we all have our flaws. It's perfectly fine.

Penny: 29:09

We'll talk later, I may or may not have my sunglasses on. Oh, well, at least at least we can all agree that Duke sucks.

The Ozark Howler: 29:20

Indeed. bless their heart.

Penny: 29:22

Now you mentioned barbecue and I'm curious. I am a fan of like North Carolina barbecue sauce myself, despite the fact that Duke is in North Carolina hehe but I'm wondering what is the best kind of barbecue sauce to put on a human if you are the kind of monster cryptid that you know likes to partake of human?

The Ozark Howler: 29:46

Oh, well I most certainly do partake. It's my you know, I do try to watch my diet but sometimes I'm just so naughty. I can't help myself. Personally, I must say despite being so close to the the general Texas region I do find myself a little bit more in line with the Memphis style barbecues. I'm I'm a big fan of a good savory, a little sweet sauce, a little bit of brown sugar base in there. And it is. It is such a shame that humans have so few cause those ribs are good eatin' I'll tell you right there. A little stringy on some of them but uh, I do I do enjoy a little little nibble on the old ribcage.

Penny: 30:32

Okay, so that's a tip to my human listeners. Maybe avoid, you know, covering yourselves in barbecue sauce. If you're ever in the northern Arkansas area, just to be safe. Okay.

The Ozark Howler: 30:45

Or, don't that's also a perfectly reasonable option.

Penny: 30:48

Oh, so, okay, what? What is something that scares you? What is your worst fear?

The Ozark Howler: 30:56

Oh, well, I you this is the point in the interview where you ask the tough questions I see. Well, I'm I'm actually to be a little bit vulnerable. I'm powerfully afraid of Lyme disease. You see I do spend most of my time outdoors and with those little, little little, little little chompers in their little little blood sucky bits where they do itch something powerful I tell you and I just it's hard to imagine one being worse than just that that that fierce itching but I it might be said that I think Lyme disease would would probably probably upset my contenance just just a little bit of my to touch of the the dysentery as you might say,

Penny: 31:43

Oh yeah, it's awful for both humans and monsters. I once had a vampire friend who told me that vampires are afraid of ticks because ticks are just fuckers

The Ozark Howler: 31:55

Oh, well that you know what? That checks out. I have a according to what my my cousin down down closer to the, to the Utah side of things told me that is in fact what they what they are.

Penny: 32:10

Yeah, they're all there. They're just nasty. In fact, what is even the point of ticks? No offense to ticks but really what is up with you? So okay, Lyme disease scares you? Um, well, what advice would you give to your fellow monsters and to humans just about navigating a world full of darkness and Lyme disease and and barbecue sauce? What advice would you give?

The Ozark Howler: 32:37

Well, to my my, my monsterous brethren. I would I would encourage you to look beyond the label that you have been given embrace who you are, you know and if you if you can't change the name that society has given you Well, why don't you just change the role that they've associated you with? And that is that has been been my my approach to it. I've certainly been trying as hard as I can to leave my my little wrapped wire sculptures around town however, folks still haven't haven't picked up on that as some of my handiwork yet but I'm sure they'll get there so some solid advice I'm given I'm powerfully sure. As for the other of the cryptozoological variety such as myself, I think I would say to to just you know, maybe find a find laughter in in what you can little little a little bit of joy here that that sweet sensation when you take a long drink out of a hot glass of sweet tea with just a few ice cubes in it that hot in that cold There is a little bit of sunshine it's pretty hard to take away even if it only if it only lasts for a moment and to those those those human folk who are out there listening to this podcast Hi human by the way it is it's a pleasure to meet you. i i would recommend you should carry something tasty in your pockets now that's not a threat that is a that is in no way shape or form a threat it is simply a piece of advice from one interested diner to another interested dinner if I do say so. Oh, but no for that in all seriousness, you should you should carry some some pretzels maybe maybe a six pack of buffalo wings, even even a few Diet Cokes on you if you need you know if you just are being chased through the woods. Maybe you drop that and maybe whatever's chasing you finds it a little bit more of a of a wonderful little snack. Oh, but that is that is I do jest but but only a little I will eat you.

Penny: 34:49

very good advice to our human listeners. He I'm so sorry. But you know, you can be tasty to some of us. So would it be okay if you perhaps have came across one of my listeners, and they said, hey, please don't eat me. I listened to the Gorgon show, would you? Perhaps let them go? Especially if they had pretzels?

The Ozark Howler: 35:11

Well, I think it would be a greatly determinent based on on what they would what they would have to say about your show if I'm being entirely honest with you, Penny. Now if they say well, I listen to the show when I was mad, I only left a four star review well, they got dinner with the side of the biscuit on the side, I can just go ahead and tell you that right now. And now I think leave a five star review though. They are good in my books, and you can quote me on that.

Penny: 35:41

Okay, that's, that's I'm okay with that. And I'm kind of surprised at how Okay, I am with that. But then again, I am a monster. So okay, listeners, be careful out there in the Ozarks, but especially if you're listening, but don't like the show. Maybe Maybe you should cover yourselves in some barbecue sauce. Hee hee. Oh, goodness. Well, you know, this is a really good time to introduce my roommate Sybil because I think some of my human listeners might want to know what's in their futures despite the fact that Sybil just makes all this up and it's all complete and utter bullshit. But now it's time for a horoscope. With my roommate, Sybil. Hi, Sibyl

Sibyl: 36:30

Hi, Penny.

Penny: 36:31

So simple. This is the Ozark Howler.

Sibyl: 36:33

Hi, I have a question for you. Ozark Howler, Mr. Howler? Is that what you would prefer to go by?

The Ozark Howler: 36:34

you know I mx Mx. Howler

Sibyl: 36:38

Mx Howler okay, perfect.

The Ozark Howler: 36:40

It is. Yeah, of course I Look, folks. I'm not too concerned with the I'm not really seeing any folks who my my gender really impacts too much if you will, if you will catch my drift. So it is it is by Mx. is wonderful

Sibyl: 37:02

Mx. is perfect. So I have a question for you Mx. Howler. What sign are you?

The Ozark Howler: 37:08

Oh, well, some have told me it is not just my devilish grin, but I am a Capricorn.

Sibyl: 37:15

Perfect. Okay, then I am going to start with Capricorn in honor of our lovely guest.

Penny: 37:20

Here we go.

Sibyl: 37:22

As our regular listeners know, in order to open my third eye to the vision sent to me by the gods, I need to ingest some sort of mind altering substance. And for today, I have chosen to vape four leaf clovers. So I've basically been vaping pure luck. So I had 50 4-leaf clovers, and I had to do some chemical processing to make them vapable but it seems to be kicking in right now. So the visions are gonna come any second.

Penny: 37:54

Ok that's what that smell was okay. I was wondering what you were cooking. Oh, goodness.

The Ozark Howler: 37:59

I'm so sorry. I'm a little confused about this segment. I've heard you do some some other some other ingredients before. But how did you find a 54? leaf clover?

Sibyl: 38:09

Oh no, it's 50 separate. clovers have four leaves each.

The Ozark Howler: 38:14

Oh I, would you do excuse me? I'd pardon my interruption. I'm so sorry about that. I'll just be over here being quiet.

Sibyl: 38:20

Oh, no problem. I wasn't totally clear.

Penny: 38:22

She's friends with a banshee. And that helps the banshee got her the hookup.

Sibyl: 38:26

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to name names. But yes, I have. I have pretty good hookup. So Capricorn, Capricorn. I'm getting your vision now. Oh, and just to clarify, because we have so many listeners, and they're all so lovely and deserve to know about their future, I basically had to group them because I can't give a separate vision for each one of them or we would be here forever. So I group them by sign it isn't really about the stars. In my case, I just categorize people based on when they're born. So I am taking the visions of all of Capricorns futures of all of the Capricorn listeners of this show. And they're kind of combined. It's a little bit jumbled sometimes as a result, but there should be some nugget of metaphor and truth in there that people that are listening to this can use to make decisions about their future

Penny: 39:18

or not.

Sibyl: 39:19

So Capricorn, Capricorn I am seeing a vision of a pink tiger and the tiger is swimming through a lovely Lake under a rainbow. So I don't know if you are the tiger in this Capricorn or if you need to be on the lookout for Tigers that might attack you or befriend you could be good or bad but I don't know the rainbow is lovely. And I would guess something about this about your future is going to be pretty queer. That's the one thing I feel fairly competent about. Okay,

Penny: 39:54

are there any tigers in the Ozarks?

The Ozark Howler: 39:56

Oh, well there's there's certainly a cougar or two,

Sibyl: 40:01

And for some Capricorns and possibly for you Mx. Howler. I bet that's exactly what this means.

The Ozark Howler: 40:07

Oh, that would uh, that would be great.

Sibyl: 40:10

Okay, let's move on to Aquarius. Aquarius, I see a furnace in kind of a dank looking basement, but it's surrounded by crystals. So I'm really not sure what this means. Except that crystals tend to be pretty magical, at least in theory for some people, and the dank basement isn't the loveliest place to be. So maybe you're going to find some magic in an otherwise somewhat hopeless place.

Penny: 40:41

That's actually quite nice. Or maybe you just need to check you know your furnace before it blows up.

Sibyl: 40:47

Oh, yeah, I think that would probably be a good general rule for all of you Aquarius out there just in case that is what it means for you. Pisces is next Pisces. I am seeing a parent and a child going walking in a park. And it looks like they arrived at this park in a monster truck because it seems to be parked behind them. Again, I don't know if the people in this are you Pisces, or if these are people that you are going to encounter or some Pisces are going to drive monster truck to a park and go for a walk or some of you it's going to be metaphorical or you're going to meet someone like this. But that is what I am seeing.

Penny: 41:28

The first time a human friend told me about monster trucks. I wound up being very disappointed, because I thought they were trucks well, just for monsters. I was wrong. What's next Sibyl?

Sibyl: 41:40

next up is Aries. Aries. I see a figure that is looking at something I think it's like a potion in a vial. But this figure looks kind of like a ghost. It's it's very hazy. I can kind of see through it. And the edges are fuzzy like they're made of smoke or something. So a smoke person or a ghost or something like that. Looking at a potion in a vial. Actually, I'm kind of getting from the vial and the room that they're in. I'm kind of getting Dr. Jekyll vibes from this. I don't know, maybe aries This is telling you that you shouldn't experiment on yourself or that you should maybe it'll go better for you. Next up is Taurus. Taurus. It looks like you are going to be walking down a path through a blue forest. It looks like it is a lovely fall evening. The leaves are red. This is kind of odd, since it's not fall right now. But maybe this is a look farther in the future for you Taurus. Oh, maybe for some Taurus, this is a sign that something's going to be on fire. I know Penny doesn't like it when I have the fire visions. But sometimes that is what I see in the future

Sibyl: 42:53

Oh the fire visions. Tho they're better than the giant headed babies.

Sibyl: 42:58

Well, sometimes it looks like Taurus, you're going to go walking in nature and it's either going to be a beautiful fall day or you're going to catch on fire.

Penny: 43:07

Great. Those are two great choices. What's next Sibyl?

Sibyl: 43:10

Gemini? Gemini, I see a conductor of an orchestra in a giant bowl of spaghetti. Alright, cancer.

Penny: 43:18

Okay, this just there's Nope. Oh, goodness gracious. Nope. Nope. No comment. Okay, cancer.

Sibyl: 43:24

Yes, cancer is next cancer. I see. A very large Bumblebee made out of gold doing paperwork.

Penny: 43:33

These are getting progressively more bonkers. Okay, what's next?

Sibyl: 43:38

All right. It's Leo. Leo. I am seeing Oh, this one's a little dark. I suspect this is not going to be great news for you, Leo. Although maybe maybe I'm wrong. Maybe for some Leo at least. This is going to be your dinner. I am seeing a pile of bones. They have been picked completely clean. So that is something that is going to be related to your future in some way, Leo, but maybe you're gonna go out for a barbecue.

Penny: 44:04

Oh, yeah, barbecue sauce.

Sibyl: 44:07

Next up is Virgo. Virgo I am seeing I think this is this person is rollerskating. Or possibly they're engaged in some kind of athletic activity that has them moving very fast, so they're a little bit blurry in my vision. They're kind of glowing. It's very cool looking. So this is this is a very empowering seeming vision, Virgo. I feel like this is going to be something about your inner strength or your outer strength. But it feels positive to me.

Penny: 44:42

That's nice. And at least they're not standing in spaghetti. What's next

Sibyl: 44:46

Libras next Libra. I see a lovely valley that is full of fog. But there's a really cool looking city in there. I don't think this is a real city. I think this is a metaphor city, because I don't recognize the skyline and it just doesn't look quite real the way that I'm getting it in my vision, but it is it has a lot of blue rooftops including a big dome in the distance. And it's kind of pretty. So I don't know Libra, maybe you're being told by the gods that you should be looking to move to someplace a little more urban

Penny: 45:22

and preferably real. It's really best to live in real places. I've found

The Ozark Howler: 45:26

reality has a lot of good stuff to offer.

Penny: 45:28

Yeah, yeah. And delivery. Reality has delivery. That's kind of nice. What's next?

Sibyl: 45:34

Next up is Scorpio. Scorpio, I see a close up of a face. I'm not seeing a lot of really identifiable features, except that this face has at least three mouths that I can see. I don't see any teeth. Just like lips and tongues. It's a little unsettling honestly, I'm going to move on to a different sign. So Sagittarius

Penny: 45:57

Yeah that was a nightmare fuel. No,

The Ozark Howler: 46:00

that is I can't understand the benefit of have something around that's all chaw and no teeth that just seems unpleasant.

Sibyl: 46:06

Does seem pretty limiting for the person without the teeth.

Penny: 46:08

Hopefully they like bubblegum and nothing else. Okay, next

Sibyl: 46:12

Sagittarius. Sagittarius. You are well I again I don't know if it's you Sagittarius but someone is on a bridge wearing a hooded cloak. They are crossing a bridge toward it looks like a really elaborate tree house. I don't actually see a tree but it looks like it has a structure that reminds me of a tree house but it's kind of just stacked there. On the other end of the bridge,

Penny: 46:40

does it have chicken legs?

Sibyl: 46:41

Not that I can see but there could be out of sight because the bridge has you know my vision's got a specific angle to it so I can't see what's behind other parts of my vision.

Penny: 46:52

Okay, well just just in case be careful of Baba Yagas

Sibyl: 46:56

I mean that's just a general good rule of life. Right?

Penny: 47:00

Yeah, yeah.

Sibyl: 47:02

All right. Well, that is everyone we got through all of the signs.

Penny: 47:05

Thank the gods Okay. Well, thank you so much Sybil for for sharing

Sibyl: 47:10

No problem

Penny: 47:11

your bullshit horoscopes

Sibyl: 47:13

happy to share my gifts.

Penny: 47:15

Yeah, you're you you allow me to record in your closet and this is the price that we all have to pay for that

Sibyl: 47:23

and pay half the rent

Penny: 47:24

Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. Okay, keep on keep on going with the podcast. Get that advertising dollars. Get your own apartment? Yes. Yes, someday. Thank you, Sybil. And of course, thank you listeners and thank you to our wonderful guest. Gregory the Ozark Howler thank you so much Gregory.

The Ozark Howler: 47:48

Oh thank you it has been it has been entirely entirely My pleasure. It was was wonderful to get to see this whole experiencing seeing Sybil do the behind the scenes magic. It just tickled me pink oh, I was I was just this is this has been a completely surreal experience. I just cannot give enough of thankfulness to to both of you for giving me this. This. This is absolutely mind boggling. Experience. It's just It's been wonderful. Absolute pleasure. Thank you so much.

Sibyl: 48:21

You're so welcome, Gregory

Penny: 48:22

most welcome. So welcome. Thank you.

Penny: 48:26

The Gorgon show with me. Penny cephalonia is a proud member of the Faustian nonsense network. You can find us on Twitter at @Gorgon show, or email us with questions and comments at Gorgon show @Faustiannonsense.com all music in the Gorgon show is by TJ The Empathic vampire. You can find more of his work linked in the show notes. Thank you for listening to the Gorgon show

Transcribed by https://otter.ai