This podcast episode delves into the concept of the mental load, exploring its impacts on our lives and well-being.

Sara defines the mental load as the invisible tasks and thoughts that accumulate and can overwhelm us, leading to feelings of exhaustion, indecisiveness, and even burnout. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing when the mental load becomes too heavy and offers practical steps to lighten it. By breaking down the process of decision-making into seven manageable steps, Sara provides listeners with tools to regain control and clarity in their lives. Ultimately, the episode encourages embracing self-care and setting boundaries to foster a more balanced and fulfilling existence.

A heavy mental load often lurks beneath the surface of daily life, silently influencing our capacity to function and thrive. In this engaging episode, Sara delves into the intricacies of the mental load, shedding light on how it can accumulate and weigh us down over time. She invites listeners to visualize their thoughts and responsibilities as boxes, illustrating the burden that comes with carrying too many. This metaphor resonates as she discusses the emotional toll of indecisiveness, exhaustion, and low mood that often accompany an overloaded mind. Sara’s candid approach connects deeply with those who have felt the strain of balancing multiple responsibilities while neglecting their own needs.

Sara provides a comprehensive look at how to navigate and reduce the mental load through a structured seven-step process. Each step—from identifying tasks to assessing outcomes—offers a clear path for listeners to follow, empowering them to take charge of their mental well-being. She enriches the conversation with relatable anecdotes about common scenarios, such as organizing family dinners or planning vacations, making the concepts accessible and practical. This framework not only helps listeners understand the dynamics of their mental load but also equips them with the tools necessary to manage it effectively.

To further empower her listeners, Sara shares invaluable strategies for lightening the mental load, advocating for delegation of tasks, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. She emphasizes the importance of questioning and challenging the beliefs that contribute to our mental burdens, urging listeners to distinguish between their own needs and external expectations. With a focus on infusing joy and purpose into daily routines, this episode becomes a rallying call for listeners to reclaim their lives from the clutches of an overwhelming mental load, ultimately inspiring them to start over and rise to new heights of personal fulfillment.

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Are you finding that after decades of pouring yourself into everyone and everything else around you, you can now put yourself first, only to realize that you've lost sight of who you are and what you want and you can't even remember what it was like to be able to focus just on you.

If life has evolved and changed and you feel it's time to step into a new identity and redefine your everyday purpose so that you can make the most, most of this new freedom and the opportunity it brings, then you're in the right place.

Now is not the time to be settling for less, drifting aimlessly and waiting for someone to need you.

Now is your time to start over and rise into your next exciting chapter.

If this sounds good, hit subscribe and let's make shift happen.

I'm Sara, your coach, mentor and host.

I see you.

I've been you.

I've got you.

Welcome to start over and rise.

Hey, gorgeous, thanks for joining me again.

I'm Sara, your host of Startover and Rise.

And welcome to the episode.

So today we're going to be talking about the mental load.

I'm going to take you through the definition of what the mental load is, how to know when it is too much, what affects it is having on you by being too much, and what you can do about it.

So let's dive straight on in.

What is my definition of the mental load?

Well, this is something that I know very, very well and I've spent a lot of time paying personal attention to this particular area.

And in summary, it's the invisible tasks, the thoughts, the processes that help us get stuff done.

And that's whether it's on a big scale or a small scale, it's what allows us to make good decisions, that we can move forward with our life, that we can function within our life, and that we can have fun within our life as well.

So what I want you to do is start to imagine that each thought that goes on in your head is in a box.

And the reason I say that is because the minute we can start to visualize what our thoughts are actually doing within our head, how much space they're actually taking, it can really start to understand this concept of the mental load.

For example, if this was a physical thing that you were able to carry around with you, as your number of boxes increased, you'd start to get a little bit overloaded.

You're going to start to feel the burden of it.

You're going to start to drop things.

You might not be able to see where you're going, clearly it's the same thing, except rather than it being physical, it's what's actually going on in your head.

So I want you to be conscious of that as we go through this.

So before I go any further with this, I want to tell you there is a worksheet that goes with today's episode.

So what I want you to do is actually listen to the episode and see what comes up for you.

And then at the end of it, just download the workbook.

And then you can use this as a tool however you want to.

But you can use this as a tool to help you understand some of the things that maybe are weighing you down that you've got going on with your mental load.

So you have got that at the end.

The link to it is in the show notes.

I don't really want you to do it yet.

I want you to listen to the episode and then go and do that, because I think there's power in just having your full attention on this.

And anything, you know, maybe make a note that anything that comes up today, you're like, okay, yeah, that's something.

And if you have that, then that's the time to go down and download the, the PDF for today.

So what happens to us when the mental load is too much?

Well, when we've got our head full of too many things, too many responsibilities, too many worries, too many concerns, too many tasks, too many things that we need to do, then it starts to take its toll.

And as I said, with that carrying of the boxes, how that manifests itself in us mentally is we start to become indecisive, we might become resentful, we become low in mood, we feel exhausted.

The amount of energy that we need when you've got a really busy head is huge.

And all of that can contribute to you really losing your confidence, starting to doubt yourself.

You know, it's actually possible for you to sit in a chair for hours on end and just be exhausted through thinking as someone with ADHD who is now very aware that this is a real thing, rather than putting it down to, well, it must be some other reason I'm exhausted.

But whether you've got ADHD or not, it doesn't matter if you've got too much on your plate.

It's.

It's tiring, it's draining, it feels negative, it feels heavy.

And of course, when you feel like that, you're not in a good place to make decisions, to develop great relationships, to really focus on and, and, you know, give your work your best to be the best person you can be with all of those that you want to be around you.

So this is a really important episode.

So what I want to do is I'm going to break down the seven steps that I believe are the processes that we go through when we are solving problems or dealing with tasks that have got to be completed.

So I'm going to take you through those seven steps, because we don't want you to feel overwhelmed.

A lot of the things that we carry around with us are not necessary.

They just weigh us down.

They're taking up space.

And I promise you, I can probably say this is one of the things that has contributed to massively changing my life.

You know, that seems like a really big statement, but it's true.

If you've ever experienced burnout, it's this kind of stuff that, for me personally, all contributed to burnout.

Now, what is burnout?

Now?

Burnout is when, you know, stuff is going on in your head and it starts to impact on you physically.

We store emotions that we hold are stored in our body.

I think a lot of the time, we think it's all in our head.

You know, it's all.

It's not something we can physically touch.

But I am definitely somebody who will hold my hand up here and say, listen, the things that we feel, the things that we think can totally manifest themselves in our body, and it can make us really ill.

It's already been proven that it can make you.

Making you ill to the point of having a heart attack or a stroke or something, you know, really dangerous and bad for us that can, you know, end up in not a very good place.

So we don't want that.

We want you to start over and rise.

If you are in a place where you feel you've just got too much on, where the hell do you start?

Where you feel that if you stop spinning any of those plates at any moment, the lot is going to come crashing down and it's going to be horrible.

And we don't want that.

We want to be thriving, don't we?

We want to be doing all the things we want to do and enjoying it as we go.

All right, so let's take a look at the seven steps.

These are the seven steps that I think we generally take when we're trying to make a decision or we're planning on how to complete a task.

So this, essentially is how the mental load should be, right?

I think this is when we strip it down to the basics.

First of all, we've got the identification of the task or the problem.

So that's swimming around in our heads in one of those little boxes that we talked about earlier.

The second one is we've got to make a decision.

We've got to make a decision to do something about it, to take action.

So the third process is we then need to gather the data in terms of, well, what do we want to do?

How are we going to go about it then?

The fourth step is we're going to make the choice.

So this is where you're going to decide how out of all of that data, how you're going to do it when and all of those decisions.

The next step is the actual execution.

So going through that process to complete the task or to solve the problem, and then after that, I think we've got two more.

We've sort of like got the completion it, so sort of like the aftermath of that execution.

And then the final stage is the assessment.

So how did it go?

So let's just chuck something into that equation so that you can see.

Let's say, let's pick a nice mental load one, which is you need a holiday.

Okay?

So it swimming around there.

I need a holiday.

I really want a holiday.

That's step one.

You've identified that.

The second one is when you make that decision, you go, okay, no more messing about.

Now I am going to make the decision of that.

I'm going to sort this holiday out.

So that's step two.

The third one is you start gathering all the information where, you know, like maybe you're picking places that you've always wanted to go.

You're looking at the budget that you've got, how much to spend, how much time you're going to take, all of those things so that you can then make the next step, which is the choice, okay?

And what I love about this is this is that very definite thing you're gonna say, okay?

So on November the 10th, I am going away for two weeks.

I'm going to South Africa, I'm going to go whale watching and I'm going to visit friends.

I'm going to fly there and I'm going to stay in a hotel while I'm there.

That's all making those proper decisions.

The execution bit is now, okay?

Now those decisions have been made, you're going to start to think about what are you going to take with you.

Have you got suitcases?

All the tasks and thoughts and the processes that are going to allow you to actually complete that holiday to do it.

The completion bit in this example, would be all right.

You got to make sure that you've got all your documents, that you can catch the flight.

How are you going to get from the hotel to getting your flight back and then all the way back to getting home, unpacking your stuff?

And then the final bit, which is the assessment, is when your head is full of, you know, how brilliant it was, whether you would do it again, what would you do on your next holiday?

And so on.

So in that, in those seven steps, there are, do you know what, potentially millions of different thoughts and decisions and all the little bits that.

That help you go from, yeah, I want a holiday to, oh, my gosh, that was amazing.

This is what I do next time.

And when you think of it like that, even that is quite a heavy mental load.

And we can, can't we.

We can get super excited about these things, and it can be really distracting because you're thinking about it when you should be, like, concentrating on your work or when you're driving the kids to school or whatever it is that.

That you've got going on, that is just one of the things that is contributing.

And as I said earlier, that's a nice thing, right?

That's contributing to your mental load.

So let's take another example, making dinner for your family in the evening.

Everybody's in different places.

The kids are coming back from school or maybe from their activities.

Maybe you've got a partner coming in from work.

Maybe you've been working on your business, or you've come in from work.

And so what do you got to do?

All you got to do is you make the decision.

We're going to have tea you like.

Well, what are we gonna have?

Where are we gonna.

Are we gonna eat it at the table?

We're gonna have a tv dinner tonight.

Nope.

Then you make the decision.

Nope.

Then there's all the decisions about the execution, which might involve you going out and getting the shopping, actually.

Are you gonna cook it?

You know, you can decide to cook it together or you're just gonna do it.

Tables got to be laid, all of those things.

Then there's completion, clearing it away, you know, loading the dishwasher and all of those sort of processes.

And then there's the assessment.

That whole, actually, that was lovely.

We had really good chat.

Definitely going to make that again, because that was a, you know, banging recipe that I picked.

When you're doing that over and over again, that's one of those tasks that you are, isn't it?

You're doing it over and over again.

You'll find ways to make this more streamlined and so on.

And so where is the problem, Sara?

Where is the problem when it comes to the mental load?

You can just be busy.

But I've identified there are two other things that make any of these tasks so much harder and really, really contribute to the mental load.

And I want to talk about those for a second before we go on to how do we make it all easier?

So even if you're just busy, you're going to find some solutions.

But if you're busy and you have and you're struggling with these two extra contributing factors, then you're going to love this particular episode.

So what are those two factors?

Conditioning and overthinking.

And this is the stuff.

This is the stuff that really, really contributes those extra ten ton weights to your mental load.

So when I'm talking about conditioning, these are the things that have, and in many cases, subconsciously, we're not even aware of them until we start to give it some attention and try to evoke that awareness that we need in order to relieve some of the heaviness.

Right?

So conditioning are those beliefs, the influences, the things that we've been subliminally trained in, and they are very often not necessarily our own thing.

So what I mean by that is, let's take the going on holiday thing.

Now, if you grew up and you didn't ever go abroad, because maybe, you know, you'd been being brought up in an environment where getting on an airplane and flying to another country was not only dangerous, but it was, you know, the flight was dangerous, it was horribly expensive, and, you know, you'd go somewhere and maybe you can't speak the language and it caused loads of problems.

If there's lots of fear around something like that, that's a good example of conditioning.

But when you actually come to think about it, you know, what can happen is you might think, well, that's how I grew up.

But is that actually true?

Is that true for me?

People get on airplanes all the time.

Is that something that I've just been that's based on other people's opinions and other people's experiences and so on, what would it be for me?

Sometimes we don't even question these things.

We don't even question some of these influences and beliefs and so on.

We just take them on board.

And some of them we've been absorbing, we've taken on board since we were small children.

So it's only when we start to question these things that we can start to make different decisions.

So you might be, I want to plan a holiday, but you might be struggling with old beliefs that are actually restricting you, or you're finding you've got this push pull thing.

I want to do that, but I can't for whatever reason.

Same with the making of tea.

You know, I used to make that way more complicated based on some beliefs that I realized I had.

And one was I felt that in order for us to be the perfect family, you know, for me to be the perfect wife, that involved having dinner on the table every single day so that we had the opportunity to eat together.

Now, do I think that's a great value?

Yeah, actually, I do.

I personally really believe families, that's a great quality.

Do I think I'm failing?

In my heart of hearts, if I really thought about it, would I be failing if we did that four times a week, three times a week, as opposed to every single day?

And here's an interesting example of conditioning.

What was it that made me think it was my sole job?

What was it that made me believe I was the only one who could do that?

That if I asked for help or delegated some of those tasks, I'd be failing as a mum and wife?

Now, when I think about it, it seems ludicrous, but I really wasn't properly conscious that that was actually what I believed about it all.

It's incredible because I truly didn't really ever think about it.

I just accepted that that's how it was.

You know, when we start to add in all those conditionings, those beliefs, other people's stuff and sometimes even our own, then making decisions and feeling good about them and not doubting yourself and all of those things, you know, it really.

It really does start to pile on.

So if you combine that with the overthinking, which is, you can see is going to go hand in hand with this, in my mind, healthy overthinking is in that gathering, the data gathering section, right.

It's sort of.

Okay, so what are all the options?

What do I need to know?

Have I covered everything?

Yep, yep, yep.

Okay, so now I'm able to make a strong decision based on all of the information I've got.

When the overthinking becomes, I'm going to use the word destructive, when it becomes harmful, when it becomes menacing and heavy, is when we add in, in rumination, right?

When we add in those things where, you know, maybe something from the past, we're now bringing that into the equation when really we don't need to, you know, we're making a decision about moving forward, but we might look at that and say, okay, you know what, we did go abroad once and it was awful.

And the overthinking might then lead you to, we're only ever going to go on holiday in the UK after this.

And of course there's a time to learn lessons.

And if it helps you move forward in a better way, then of course there are lessons.

But what's the difference between the lessons and the stuff we need to let go?

And that's what we've got to question.

And so you can see how it can cloud, it can cloud your future decisions and just unnecessarily add a.

To the mental load.

All right, so those two things can make things so much heavier because you are fighting with your, your own decision making process with your own.

What do I really want?

And when I say I, you know, when you think about your family, what's best for our family, as well as when you're making decisions for yourself, when we cloud it with these other people's judgments, other people's opinions that we've adopted and we think are our own, but actually, are they, are these things true?

Is this true?

You see, the thing with the mental load is it can be things that you've got going on that are busy in your life, but the majority of where the mental load goes wrong is when one person is taking on way too much.

That involves sort of the general running of other people's lives.

And I say it like that, but nine out of ten times this is a female problem or a single parent problem when it's all of those tasks, all of those things that have to be done, from the laundry to the shopping to the cooking, cleaning and so on.

And we don't want you to be bogged down with those things.

It's not necessary for you to take on all of those things, especially if you are in a partnership.

But whether you're in a partnership or not, the mental load is real and it's very much there and needs to be dealt with because it can be so destructive.

And if you are used to being the one who has been carrying the mental load, it can be really, really hard to have, you know, to change these habits, to change your way of thinking, to look at things in a different way, to let things go that maybe you have been carrying around with you for so long, they've just become so embedded in who you are now.

And maybe you've even forgotten what it felt like not to be carrying such a heavy weight around with you.

And we don't want that.

So let's look at what you can do to lighten the mental load so that you can be doing, having and being everything you want to be in your life.

So this you're going to find on the workbook.

You can find the link to download it in the show notes.

So the first thing we've got to do is, I suggest very much that you do this on a regular basis.

When you start to feel that everything is getting on top of you, I want you to do a brainstorm, a brain dump.

It's.

Yeah, it's just the most wonderful thing to do, to take everything out of your head and just splatter it onto the paper.

Because.

Because when it's there on paper, you can just reveal exactly what is important right now and what isn't.

It just presents itself in a different light.

So do a brain dump and then I want you to identify where the mental load is particularly heavy.

And you can do that by just channeling into how it makes you feel.

So if you've written down things like the washing and cleaning and, you know, certain things are making you go, you know, then that's a good clue, right?

That's a good clue as to where to start.

So once you've done that bit and you've identified where the problems are, start to have a look at what can be delegated, what needs to be done by you, but actually what needs to be delegated?

And my gorgeous one, I have to say, this can be really, really hard because you might think, listen, I'm so used to doing it.

I do it in the most efficient way.

I know what I'm doing with this.

Anybody else is going to mess it up.

But I implore you to let that go, really let it go, because the advantages are immense.

And I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying that it can be done.

So what can be delegated?

Are there some tasks that you can give to the children?

You know, look to your partner.

And one of the things I'm going to say here is talk to your partner about this.

You talk to them about how real this is for you, because I'm pretty sure a lot of the time, they just don't get it.

They don't understand if they've always had a partner that has taken on everything, it's going to come as a bit of a surprise because they've probably got in their head that, like, you do it so well, you've just got.

You are on it.

And they might not know just how big this is to you.

And, you know, let's hope when they do know that, that they are willing to share that mental load with you, when they understand what it is and what you're, you know, looking for, what you're needing, then I'm pretty sure the majority will actually do it.

And if they don't, well, there's a whole nother podcast on that one.

But if you are in a partnership, I know how hard it is to let it go, but it is really important that you.

That you do that.

Okay?

And it could be things like, you know, you might be cleaning, might be something that you both fight over, you know, that cause you.

Causes a lot of resentment between you and things like that.

And in all honesty, it could be as simple as, let's just get a cleaner.

You know, let's get a cleaner, and then it's not your job to do it or my job to do it.

Do you know what I mean?

It's like, it just makes life so much easier.

So what can be delegated, what can be shared, what can be systemized?

You know, is there.

Is there a way that actually, when you see it on paper, all the things that you've got to do, are there things that you can put in place that can, you know, maybe are automated?

You know, I love.

I love Alexa's shopping list, right?

Alexa put bread on the shopping list.

And then when it actually comes that I'm going past the shop rather than.

I haven't got the mental capacity to think, what was it that I needed?

I can just look on my phone, see on my list, Alexa.

And there it is.

Boom.

You know, mental load lightened.

So what can be systemized?

Set boundaries.

Now, when I say this, I say this with love.

Set boundaries for yourself.

Set boundaries for other people and stick with them.

Boundaries are only effective if you uphold them.

And.

And that is the.

The absolute truth.

And I think the biggest thing that I've learned about boundaries is the ones that I need to put in place for my own protection.

And I never did that.

I didn't have boundaries.

People could just, you know, get whatever they wanted, whatever they needed from me, because I was just the ultimate people pleaser.

And of course, yeah, let me tell you the.

The downside of people pleasing.

After many years is resentment can build up towards yourself and also to other people as well.

So set boundaries, you know, put into place.

What are the things that you are and you aren't prepared to, you know, do?

It's so important, for example, that you, you need time for yourself.

You need to be able to download, you need to be able to relax as well.

And sometimes we go, well, I haven't got time because this, this, and this needs doing.

But there was one client recently, and I said it with love, and she really appreciated it.

And I did warn her first, but I did say to her, when was the last time you said no?

And it's really hard because when you're used to saying yes to everything because you want people to think well of you, you know, it's a.

It's really hard to suddenly start doing that.

But once you understand that, actually, sometimes just saying simple things like, yeah, here's the thing.

It doesn't have to be, no, I'm not doing it, but it could be.

Can I come back to you on that?

Is it okay if we speak in the morning about that?

And that's one of the most powerful things that I go through with some of my clients sometimes, is when they go, well, I don't even know how to do that.

Nine times out of ten, you know, if you go back to them about it, they go, oh, yeah, no, it's okay, fine.

I sorted it.

I did it.

Well, goodness me.

Once I started doing things like that and I realized that just a little bit of delay it, you know, they solve their own problems.

You don't have to be mean, you don't have to be horrible, but that is a boundary.

That is a way of putting in a boundary.

And I've got a whole bunch more of those.

But that's for another episode.

So, yeah, put those boundaries in place and really evaluate what is important to you, what is important to you, because that is what you've got to live with, you know?

And the next one is sort of, what are you carrying?

That is, you know, that's other people's beliefs and conditioning that you can let go of.

What can you let go of as well?

And the final one is this.

I love it.

How can you inject more fun, more joy, more love into everything that you do?

Because that is a game changer, my friend.

Absolutely.

So let's just recap that.

What you've got to identify where the problem is.

Can you delegate it?

Can you systemize what you currently do?

Where are the boundaries?

Pop those boundaries in and that goes in very much hand in hand with the next one, which is really understand what is important to you?

What do you want out of this?

How do you want it to be?

What's important?

What can you let go of?

Question everything.

What is yours?

What is someone else's?

Is that something that you believe?

And finally, how can you inject more fun, love and joyous into everything, literally everything that you do?

Because just that one thing can change your life for the better.

Thanks for joining me.

I will see you next week and I'm going to leave you with these parting words.

If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and follow the podcast.

If you really loved it and you want to show your gratitude, then please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

It really helps grow the show show and put this content out to more people who would love this free resource.

And if you are ready to go deeper and accelerate your personal development, your start over and rise in whatever it may be, then go check out Sarahburton dot co dot Uk dot.

There you'll find resources and courses and ways that you can work with me should you be ready to do so.

And finally, remember, in order to start over and rise to winter, you must first start over and rise within.

It's cheesy, but I love it.

Thanks so much for joining me.

I'll see you soon.

Take care.

Bye.