Most people think laughter is just a nice bonus in a relationship - something that happens when things are going well. But genuine laughter releases oxytocin, the same bonding hormone tied to closeness and trust. It's not a sign your relationship is healthy. It's one of the things that keeps it that way. And almost without exception, laughter is one of the first things couples lose when they start to drift.
The couples who stay closest aren't the funniest people - they're the ones who deliberately create chances to laugh, in small ordinary moments rather than big planned ones. You'll learn why waiting for humour to happen doesn't work as well as looking for it, and today's simple challenge: find one thing - a joke, a meme, something a bit silly - that's specifically funny to your partner, and share it.
Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.
Transcripts
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Most people think laughter in a relationship is just a nice bonus, the icing on the cake, something that happens when things are going well.
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But the research tells a different story.
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And after 30 years of working with couples, so does my experience.
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Laughter isn't just a sign that your relationship is healthy.
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It's one of the things that keeps it healthy.
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So today I want to show you why and how to bring more of it in deliberately.
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Hi, I'm Alastair Dues, and welcome to the Daily Relationship Tips podcast where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and in love again, one small habit at a time.
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Now here.
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Here's what most people don't realize.
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When you and your partner laugh together, genuinely laugh, not politely chuckle, your brains release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, the same hormone that creates feelings of closeness, trust and love.
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Laughter is not a byproduct of connection.
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In many cases, it's a pathway to it.
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And in long term relationships, where the early chemistry has settled, laughter is one of the most accessible ways to recreate that feeling of warmth and closeness.
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Now, you may be thinking that laughter either happens or it doesn't, that it's spontaneous, not something you can intentionally bring about.
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But the couples with the most laughter in their relationships aren't just lucky.
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They're actively playful with each other.
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They look for opportunities to be funny.
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They share things they find amusing.
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They create the conditions for humor rather than waiting for it to appear.
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In 30 years of doing this work, I've noticed something that holds across almost every couple I've worked with.
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The ones who stay close to laughter don't just communicate more.
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They laugh more.
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Not at big planned occasions, but in the small, ordinary moments.
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A silly comment on the way to the car.
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A funny video shared without explanation.
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A terrible joke told with complete deadpan.
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The couples with the most laughter in their relationships aren't necessarily the most witty or entertaining people.
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They're the ones who've stayed deliberately playful with each other, who've kept giving each other reasons to smile, even when life got heavy.
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And in the couples who drift, almost without exception, one of the first things to go is the laughter.
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Not the big blow ups, not the major ruptures, just a gradual seriousness creeping in.
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Until one day someone notices they can't quite remember the last time they really laughed together.
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So here's today's look for things that make you laugh and share them.
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A funny video, a ridiculous meme, a joke, even a bad one.
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Be willing to be a bit silly.
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Make a parody of something you both know.
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Bring humour into ordinary moments rather than waiting for the mood to call for it and make it about your partner.
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Find what makes them laugh specifically.
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I've seen this habit transform couples who had become heavy with seriousness.
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Laughter doesn't fix the difficult stuff, but it relieves reminds both people that this relationship is also a source of joy and that reminder given regularly changes how the relationship feels.
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So do one thing to make your partner laugh today.
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Find something funny to share.
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Tell a joke, even a terrible one.
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Be a little ridiculous.
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Give your partner the gift of a genuine laugh.
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Because couples who laugh together regularly build a relationship with real lightness to it, they can handle hard things better because they have a deep well of warmth and joy to draw from.
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The laughter becomes part of their shared language, their history, their love for each other.
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You don't have to be a comedian, just find something funny, do something silly or share a joke and let the laughter in and notice how it changes the whole feel of your day together.
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Now, if today's tip landed for you, there's a lot more where it came from.
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Head to dailyrelationshiptips.com and take the free two minute quiz to see how connected you and your partner are right now.
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And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.
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Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.
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Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
