In this episode we share how to recognise wellbeing overwhelm and how to take the necessary first steps to shift it.

We discuss the different emotional roots that we see people move through when they are going into wellbeing overwhelm, sharing our own experiences and warning signs.

We discuss giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. Even if you wish your health, weight or emotional state could be better immediately, you cannot miss this step and still heal.

We reflect on our personal experiences with breathing exercises and how it relates to other aspects of our lives.

We finish the episode by going through a short breathing technique which you can use anytime to help bring you back from a stress response to a more grounded and relaxed state. We invite you to apply it through your week and see what shifts you see in any overwhelming, messy or uncontrolable situations you are experiencing in your life currently. It really is that powerful.

We want to hear from you about your wellbeing and what you want to learn throughout this season of Outside the Square. Reach out through out Instagram @OutsideTheSquarePodcast.

Links:

If you would like personal coaching with Josephine or Fiona, reach out to us via email: fiona@mindbodyandeating.com or josephine@nutritionandlife.co.nz, or send us a DM via Instagram @OutsideTheSquarePodcast.

You can support us and our podcast by sending us a tip here. Follow season 1 of Outside the Square by subscribing wherever you get your podcasts.

We can't wait to see you again next week.

Intro and outro music is by AudioCoffee, and meditation music is by RelaxingTime from Pixabay.

We often think of wellbeing as one-dimensional. What if we look at it from a different perspective?

The possibilities are endless. All we have to do is step outside the square.

Let's walk this walk together and hold on tight for the ride.

My name is Fiona. I'm a corporate wellness facilitator, body image and eating psychology coach and a lover of joyful experiences.

And I'm Josephine, a dietitian, somatic release therapist and a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist.

Welcome to Outside the Square.

Welcome back. Week 2, we're here again.

We are back. Welcome back everyone.

How's your week been?

Atrocious, hahaha. I feel like my body responded to the supermoon in a strong way, I had a gastro bug, and I’m back at work for the first day today, having let go of a lot, haha, these last five days. So I'm very pleased to be back.

Illness has a way of doing that to us doesn't it? There's lots of lessons I think in that.

Yeah, there was some emotional purging for sure.

I really excited, I wanted to share with you what happened as you saw, I went and did your ginger foot bath and I did it on the Supermoon day as well.

So it was like I aligned it all, you know, as much as I could. And it was really, really interesting because I got up early to do it before I went into my office and I realised when I went to put my feet in the water that it wasn't as hot as I had thought it was going to be, but the ginger really made it feel warm.

Mmmmmmm

Even though the actual water temperature was not like boiling hot, I still felt a warmth. And then I dried my feet off and I put my shoes and socks on and it really was just like a little radiating warmth in my feet.

And it was really cold, I walk about 15 minutes up from where I pack my car into my office, and my fingers were freezing. Like, it, and my nose was cold, everything was cold, but the whole walk up, my feet felt so warm.

And the rest of the day, whenever I checked in with myself, I was like, am I too cold? Am I too hot? I just immediately felt warm from my feet. It was, I was not expecting to feel it for the rest of the day in that, in that way. So it lasted all day, it was wonderful.

Yeah, it has a way of drawing up to your core, doesn't it? Little witch trick.

Yeah, I was absolutely surprised. And for any of you listening, if you have no idea what we're talking about, go back and listen to episode one, where Josephine tells us a little bit about one of her rituals and why she does it.

So, yeah, it was a great, great little experience.

I’m glad you got to try it. Well done.

I think that’s one of the things that’s really valuable, that we both do in terms of our coaching as well is that we walk the talk. You know, we're never going to ask you to do something that we haven't done ourselves.

So trying each other's techniques, I think, is going to be a bit of a theme throughout this season, absolutely.

It keeps it real too, because no journey is linear. You know, sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't. So, I'd never, ever tell someone to do something strictly.

There's no black and white in this world, and it's all grey. And, yeah, that allows us to be real humans who can actually succeed, and yeah there’s a magic in there.

Love it. So this week we are talking all about wellbeing overwhelm. And when we shared that on our Instagram page, we had quite a bit of a response from people who related with that.

So much that sense of trying to do too many things for myself at the same time or close together, or feeling like there's so much information out there and needing to simplify it or understand how to do some simple things to kind of bring us out of wellbeing overwhelm, and I think it's going to be a really valuable conversation today.

We've got lots to share with you about, how you know whether you're in wellbeing overwhelmed and a couple of simple techniques that you can implement at any time to help you to sort of come back and move out of that overwhelm or that sort of stress response.

So I would love to get your take first off Josephine around wellbeing overwhelm.

Yeah, overwhelm is one of those things that we tend to pick up when we're already there. It's really hard to see the warning signs, like overwhelm is the complete meltdown. So once you're there, you know it. Like, bugger I'm here, you know, but there will be patterns coming into it and it's different for everyone.

For some people, they might feel really frustrated. So, if you're trying to rewind back, look for signs of yourself starting to get frustrated, so you've tried one approach, you've tried someone's advice, you've tried working with someone, you've tried something on your own accord and you're getting more and more frustrated - at some point, you're going to hit overwhelm with that if it's not working for you.

For other people, it might be bitterness. This is my one, so I will try lots of things, like heaps of things I'm busy, busy, busy. And then I hit the point each time getting a little bit more bitter, why hasn’t this changed yet? Like, I'm really bitter at the world for not making progress.

And then for other people, I can be, like, numbness and hopelessness and depression even, in that there's like “what's the point? I've tried and nothing has changed”. They tend to be the three emotions that I see coming to clients when I first see them as well.

So yeah, if you resonate with any of those patterns, that’s really helpful to remember so that you can just see that creeping up on you and be aware of that. Maybe before you hit the overwhelm point.

Yeah, I think that, what are those early warning signs in yourself it’s sort of that, we talked a little bit about last week around understanding or noticing your own patterns, and understanding how that manifests for you, so whether it is that bitterness or whether it is that frustration.

We had someone who shared through Instagram last week, that sense of, “I'm doing nothing. I feel guilty because I know I should do more”. So how do we let that sit as well? So it can, it can manifest very differently for different people so it's important to be able to recognise that for yourself. Ideally a little bit early, as you say, when you first start feeling frustrated, or when maybe you first start feeling a little bit guilty, or whatever that feeling is to not ignore it, because I think we quite often justify those things away “Oh, there's something else going on or there's, you know, other reasons” rather than paying attention to it.

Yeah and I think by the time you're feeling guilt, well everyone in overwhelm is going to start feeling guilt because you actually can't go any further. You have to stop and with that often comes the guilt of not trying harder or failing in some way. It’s yeah, guilt is super common. I'm glad you brought that up or one of the listeners brought that up.

I always love the sense of connection that happens when I start thinking about something and it appears, and this morning actually I saw a post on my Instagram that said, if you're resting, but you're guilt or shaming yourself for not being productive the whole time, that's not actually rest, and that could be why you're so tired because you are sitting there going “I should be doing something else”, where that time that you're sitting there, if you gave yourself permission to sit there and take it as the rest, you might find that that gives you more energy rather than draining that energy.

I love that.

Yeah, it popped up just this morning and I thought that's just perfect for today's episode. Because how many of us do that? We have busy lives, we have so much on and when we think about our wellbeing, there’s often those things that we feel like are the things that we should be doing in that space. There's so much information about how to help your wellbeing.

We think that we have to go and do a high-intensity exercise class or go out and do some yoga or make sure we go on the diet or whatever it might be when actually sometimes it's just those moments of quiet that can be the most powerful for our wellbeing.

Mmmm, yeah, and we feel so personally responsible to be on the ball all the time, but as much as I could control that gastro bug last week, you know that's as much as you can control a lot hereditary health patterns that people are in overwhelm about.

It's often not a personal decision or any of your personal decisions that have lead you here. It's a pattern that you have to heal in your lifetime or even heal for the generations that have been before. So, there's a lot to sit and think about if you can rest and accept where you are deeply without blaming yourself.

And that's not always easy to do.

No, no, not at all. I think the first step is to really go deep on whatever you're feeling, so if you are in the frustration anger, let yourself be frustrated and angry, like stop trying and just let yourself be that, until it passes and you feel some rest.

So actually sit down, close your eyes and feel that for a couple of minutes and acknowledge and honour that this is where you are. That's always the first step for me.

I think that's such an important step as well because we often think about that future, “What should I be doing? Where should I be at?” What's going on in that space rather than that acknowledgement of what am I feeling right now? Can I just sit with that and is that okay? And the answer is yes, it's okay.

Yeah, it's a real common misconception in the wellbeing space, isn't it? That if I set some intentions for the dream life I want, that that’s going to get me there, but actually, there's a whole lot of stuff you have to feel and transmute and move through first. And often it's useful to do that before you come to the intentions which could just frustrate you.

In my case, make me more bitter because I can see the gap, right? So it's a delicate space to be in, overwhelm.

Yeah, absolutely, there's that sense of being able to find that balance, so it's great to have an idea or an intention of where we want to be. Sometimes the stumbling block or certainly one of my stumbling blocks is that I immediately go to a very, very high bar of what I want to achieve. So the intention is sort of going from nought to a hundred, so it’s not taking just a little step, it's taking a really big leap.

And then when I can't take that leap, I feel like I’ve failed, and then I get into that overwhelm “well what's even the point of trying because it never works”. So rather than saying “I'm going to exercise for an hour every day”, as my intention, it could be, “can I move mindfully for five minutes, this week even?”.

And it's hard to change that frame of mind thinking that that's still progress, I think sometimes. But when you're then able to do that, it builds success because you've actually achieved it, rather than always feeling like you're setting a goal or an intention and not getting there.

So how can we break that down, back to that one step “What am I feeling right now? How can I tune into that and how can that help me to take that next step? Or how can that help show me what that next small step needs to look like?”

Yeah, and each time you surrender to that, there's so much power because you're detaching from the timeframe of when it needs to all magically be better, right? You're just moving through the journey following the breadcrumbs and it starts to evolve on its own. And it's so funny because I had a healing recently and the reading said “you're too attached to the timeframe”, and I was thinking like, “no, I'm not, I have zero timeframe for this. I just need it to get better”.

And then a few days later, I sort of reflected I was like, “oh my gosh, it's no timeframe because I want it instantly”. Like I hadn’t even allowed a timeframe, it's like. Now. Heal me. I'm over this. So yeah, even if you don't feel like you have a time frame, just reflect and think, are you an overwhelmed because you want this so urgently that you are forcing yourself to get better now? When actually your body isn't going to do that when you're under pressure, it's making it harder to do that, and we need to sort of sink and relax into this unknown of how or when it's all going to come into place, because everyone's journey is so unique with some health conditions.

Absolutely. I think that time frame thing is such a valuable lesson because I think you're right, its “yeah, I’m casual, I don't have a time frame” Where actually, the time frame is, “I want it yesterday”. No, I don't have a time frame because it should already have happened.

Yeah, because I'm so bitter here it is again, I'm so bitter that I'm still dealing with this. Yeah, that's me. I've done that lots.

I think you're not the only one.

No, yeah, I see it in a lot of clients as well, and it’s bringing awareness. That's what this podcast is here for, to just bring awareness that affects you, if there's so much urgency that you want to get better, you're probably hindering your progress.

And it's okay to just, sit in a heap and feel useless or bitter or depressed or angry or whatever it is about your situation and actually that's a really valid first step, because once you can do that, you're starting to acknowledge your nervous system and where you're at and come back to a grounded place for yourself to move from.

Which is, yeah we've actually got an exercise to teach you all today. Really beautiful simple breathing exercise that Fiona's going to take us through to help us ground ourselves when we’re feeling this overwhelm. So, yeah I don't know if you're ready to go through that, Fiona.

I think so. So, some of you may have heard of box breathing or what's also known as four square breathing, and it's a really simple breathing technique that you can use at any time to help bring your body out of a fight or fight mode and back into a calmer and more grounded space. And it is something that doesn't need to take a lot of time. It is something that can actually help you connect with other areas of your life.

I remember one of the first times I was learning this technique, I was in a meditation class and we were going through the technique, and I was really struggling with it. And I realised that the way that our breath cycles - so when we breathe in, we hold, we exhale, and then we hold again - I was really struggling to hold at the end of the pattern. And I realized that that was exactly what I did with food. When food came into my house, I could buy it, it could sit there, but as soon as it was open, I ate it all. And then I struggled to wait till I had to go to the shops and buy more again.

And then I realised that I had the same pattern in my relationship with money, so when I got paid, I was able to sort of hold it and then I would spend too much and then be sort of limping along till payday came at the other end.

And I had this realization when I was learning this technique that as I was struggling to hold the breath at the end, I didn't trust that the cycle would start again and I would be able to breathe in again. So what I did is that I didn't work on my relationship with food. I didn't work on money. I worked on the breathing technique and let that flow throughout into those other areas.

So the idea of this technique is to help calm you, but it also has opportunity for a lot of lessons as well for what's going on for you, so if you notice that cycle happening elsewhere in your life, this is a really great technique to practice, to trust that things will actually come through again for you.

Yeah. Wow, I didn't realise it's been that powerful for you.

It's been a really powerful technique so I'm really excited to share it. So the way that you do four square breathing is that we breathe in for a count of four, we hold that breath for a count of four, we exhale over a count of four and then we hold again for a count of four.

If you are someone who likes visualising, you can visualise drawing the four sides of a square as you do this, so as you inhale, hold, exhale and hold. If you're not so much into visualisation, you can just count along in your head and follow the pattern.

So find yourself sitting comfortably, find a little comfortable position where you can sit, whether you're cross legged, whether you're on a chair with your feet, know, grounded to the ground.

And if you close down your eyes and just take a couple of deep breaths to begin. Just regular deep breaths.

Now we're going to move into our breathing technique. We’re going to start with an Inhale, 2, 4,

Hold, 2, 3, 4,

Exhale, 2, 3, 4,

Hold, 2, 3, 4.

Inhale, 2, 3, 4,

Hold, 2, 3, 4,

Exhale, 2, 3, 4

Hold, 2, 3, 4.

Inhale,

Hold,

Exhale,

Hold.

Inhale,

Hold,

Exhale,

Hold.

And after your last round, when you’re ready you can come back to a normal breathing, you can let go of the cycle

When you're ready, you can open your eyes and come back to the room.

Thank you for that. That was a real treat.

So that was just 90 seconds of cycling through those counts of four.

Well, I think we’d better leave it here. Now I'm feeling really relaxed, I want to leave our listeners feeling relaxed too for the week.

So, if you have been feeling some overwhelm, not just in wellbeing, in any area of your life, there's mirrors everywhere, isn't there? Please give this a try this week and let us know how you get on. And I hope that helps you sit in whatever messy or overwhelming, grey, uncomfortable situations you are in personally.

And yeah, let us know how it goes. Thanks for being here today.

See you next week.

Bye

Before we finish up for today, we would like to acknowledge the original custodians of the lands on which our podcast is created, the Ngāi Tahu people of Aotearoa New Zealand,

and the Cammeraygal people of the Eora Nation Australia. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and to all our listeners who identify as Aboriginal, Torres Straight Islander, or Maori.

We love connecting with you, our listeners and talking about the topics that mean the most to you. Reach out to us on Instagram at Outside the Square Podcast and let us know what you want to hear more of.

Until next week, keep stepping outside your square.

It’s hard, it’s a hard

You have to trust the structure, right? You have to surrender to it.

Yep.

Yeah, it’s really hard for those first few breaths.

And yeah, I found it really challenging when I was first learning to do it. And once you’ve mastered counts of four you can actually increase it, so you can go up to counts of five or six and hold it and do the whole thing slower.

Yeah. I need to practice that. Let’s give it a go this week, I think.