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In this episode of the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky welcomes nervous system leadership coach Kari Azuma. They delve into the intricacies of the nervous system and its impact on daily life, particularly for women. Kari explains how chronic stress affects our bodies and the importance of cultivating inner safety to set and maintain boundaries. The conversation highlights the significance of understanding and addressing deep-rooted patterns of safety and threat, often established in childhood. 

Kari shares insights on how to shift from a problem-oriented mindset to a solution-oriented one, emphasizing the need for self-compassion and resourcing oneself to stand in authority. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of nervous system regulation and personal growth.

What We Explored This Episode

05:09 Nervous System and Safety

18:30 Fawning Response in the Nervous System

28:52 Nervous System Work and Personal Evolution

36:42 Importance of Self-Care and Connecting with Ancestors

Memorable Quotes

"We don't have a nervous system; we are a nervous system. It's always looking for a threat, called neuroception, which means the nervous system is always listening, even when we're not thinking about it."

"Boundaries are the most activating act for our nervous system to carry out because they require us to stand in our authority and power. It can feel like confrontation, but they are also the most connecting aspect of a relationship."

"My work is really grounded in embodied leadership, rites of passage work for women, and deep root nervous system work. The combination of these is about rediscovering a deep, innate trust in yourself and building that inner world into a strong base."

Episode Resources

Polyvagal Theory - A theory that explains how the nervous system responds to stress and trauma  - https://www.stephenporges.com/ 

Kimberly Ann Johnson - Expert in nervous system work - https://kimberlyannjohnson.com/

Connect With Kari

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kariazuma/ 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/kari.Azuma.3?mibextid=LQQJ4d

Connect With Amie

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amie-barsky/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amiebarskycoaching/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmieBarsky?sub_confirmation=1

Download My Free Breathwork Practice

https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

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Kari Azuma [0:00 - 0:29]: The nervous system is always listening, even when we're not thinking about it. Our body system is scanning constantly for, is this safe? Is that safe? Do I belong here? Are they going to be trouble for me? Am I going to be rejected? Am I going to be abandoned constantly? So, like, all of us are experiencing that, and we all have a social nervous system, which means, like, we all have different ways that that system gets triggered when we're in a social situation and it's all subjective.

Amie Barsky [0:35 - 3:20]: Hello, hello, and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script, and I'm gonna show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where I'll share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures. To be perfect, these juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if you're ready, then buckle up. It's time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. Hello, my friend. I am, first off, so enjoying my time here in southern New Jersey with my loved ones. And I really think you're going to enjoy this next conversation on the icome first podcast. So let's just jump right in. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and today we are bringing you some serious nervous system wisdom with my dear friend and colleague, Carrie Azuma. Now, Carrie is a nervous system leadership coach, and she is so devoted to helping women create safety in their bodies so that they can live extraordinary lives. In this episode, we uncover the impact of chronic stress and how that actually affects your daily life and how nervous system regulation gets to be the game changer. Here, we also explore what inner safety actually means and why cultivating your own inner safety can enable you to not just set boundaries, but to hold yourself firmly internally while the world is giving you pushback externally. Bottom line is this. A healthy relationship with your nervous system is the key to making decisions that truly align with your personal needs and your aspirations in life, even in the face of societal pressures. So let's welcome Carrie into the room. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement. All right, so Carrie Azuma is in the house, and I am so excited to have you here on the I come first podcast. Carrie, I just absolutely love your wisdom. When we connected, I don't even know what was it, like, three or four years ago now? And you have taught me so much, and I'm just so excited for you to share your wisdom, your knowledge, your insight, and all the things that you do from a leader in your life, in your business, in your household, and all the above. So welcome to the I come first podcast. And would you please give us a little snippet of who you are and what you're up to in the world?

Kari Azuma [3:21 - 4:54]: Sure. Yeah. I'll keep it brief. Thank you for that beautiful introduction. Great to be here with you. My name is Cari Zuma, if you haven't caught that yet. And I've really been in this world of, like, growth and development for about almost 14 years now. You know, it's been a long road, and I've gone through so many iterations of my work, but I think really, like, what my work is really grounded in is embodied leadership, rites of passage work for women, and deep root nervous system work. And the combination and culmination of all of those things is really about building or really rediscovering a deep, innate trust in yourself and building that inner world in a very strong base so that you actually have the courage to lead out in the world based on your values and your true expression versus being out there performing, improving, and trying to, like, catch up to what you think you need to be doing. So I help women really heal a lot of the, sort of the defaulted patterns in their life of, like, how they stay safe, because really what gets in the way of leadership for women is threat. That's really for men, too, you know? And so where does threat come from? Our nervous system? And so it's really been beautiful to look at this sort of deeper root work on the nervous system, which I really learned largely from Alicia Halpin, who's my mentor in that work, and combined it with the other work that I was indoctrinated into with my other mentor, Scott Cody, which is embodied leadership and just really helping women sort of drop the guard in the armor so they can actually lead as their true selves and be more courageous in letting themselves step forward. As theme.

Amie Barsky [4:54 - 5:09]: I love all of this. So you mentioned the word nervous system a few times, and it feels like a very hot topic right now. It's on the forefront of lots of people's minds who are interested in personal development and growth. And why do you think that is, like, what's happening?

Kari Azuma [5:09 - 7:44]: Yeah, it's interesting, you know, because when I sort of had this call, I had taken two years off of work, and I had this call, I'd already been leading women, specifically mothers, before I left, before I took a break from coaching in embodied leadership. And I knew there was something that was being kind of overridden. Like, they were accomplishing a lot of their goals, getting to the places they wanted to be, but they were still really kind of anxious and stressed out. And in that two years, I took off staying at home with my kids. I realized, oh, it's the nervous system. And when I pick that up, I feel like it was during the pandemic. And I feel like after the pandemic, that's when sort of the huge breakout of the nervous system conversation really got more popular. Popular, which makes sense, because all of our nervous systems went through such an overhaul in the pandemic. And so, you know, it started becoming a buzzword and all of these things. And there's so many ways to skin the cat, you know, when it comes to the nervous system, and there's stuff everywhere about it, right. But there's, you know, there's ways to work with it acutely. Meaning, like, in a way where you're just directly supporting your body to feel more calm. Right? Like, feel regulation in your body. Um, and the. Those are great. Necessary. And the approach that I'm usually taking with women is I'm going into the deep, like, brain pathways of the way that they understood safety growing up, because we don't come pre programmed to know how to stay safe. That's all learned. Right? Like, we're not pre wired for safety. So when we're in utero, basically through, like, seven years old, we're really sponging how we stay safe. And so some of those things are fantastic, and then others tend to expire as we start evolving into who we want to be. But most of us don't have the tools to rewire that, to say, like, oh, I don't want to keep staying safe by being afraid of this thing, but our body doesn't really know how to. Like, we can tell ourselves, like, I don't want to be in that pattern, but we actually have to meet that threat in a pretty deep way in order for it to shift. We need to actually bring in new ideas of how to stay safe before we can take that pattern of safety out. And a lot of times, people try to bypass that process and then just say, oh, it's okay, or I'm going to forge forward and then they end up actually having a more intense nervous system reaction when they step out to do something in their life.

Amie Barsky [7:45 - 8:06]: I love all this, Carrie, and I so agree with everything you're saying. And I want to, if you're open to it, to break it down a little bit more. For a listener who might be so new to nervous system work that they don't understand quite yet, what does it mean to be safe? Like, we. You keep saying that word to be safe. What if someone doesn't understand that quite yet? How would you share that with them.