Today with me Frank Anthony

WRITER & PASSIONATE HUMAN BEING, Podcaster and social influencer

check out Franks work here;

https://www.letmebefrankanthony.com/

Learn how you can take better care of yourself without too much effort.

ANthony will share rituals with you that deeply inspired me and I know they will greatly support you on your path as well.

Also check out the book Atomic Habits written by James Clear

enjoy !!!

with love A.

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Unknown: 00:00:05

Hello Hello and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

Unknown: 00:00:09

your host Aurora, life coach and companion on this beautiful

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journey called life. And today with me, Frank De Lucio, a dear

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friend, dear, very dear inspiration for myself on my

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darkest days, but also on my happy days. He is an aspiring

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author, a writer and editor. He hasn't published a book yet, but

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he, I can feel it is about to create something beautiful for

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us out there. He's a podcaster. He's a social

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influencer. And just a very powerful light that I'm very

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excited to connect personally with today, we want to talk

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about

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how to keep sane and crazy times how to keep grounded how to not

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get suffocated by anxiety, how to not drown and despair.

Unknown: 00:01:19

We're both very similar and that we we love to support other

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people, we love to see other people blossom and reach their

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goals and dreams. At the same time, we have to be very careful

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to not burn ourselves out in order to pursue this beautiful

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career that we both chose. So I thought frank with his beautiful

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podcast, let me be frank,

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I love this title

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is going to be a beautiful powerhouse, to listen to.

Unknown: 00:01:57

Welcome to the show. Frank, thank you so much for making the

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time to be here with us.

Unknown: 00:02:03

Thank you so much Aurora, I just want to acknowledge to that you

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are a huge inspiration as well. And there was something you

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posted recently, when that I really loved and I respect a

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lot. And it had to do with just feeling off one day. And I know

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with people in our field of work, sometimes it seems like

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almost inhuman in the sense that like, we have to be happy all

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the time. And it's just not like that. And it's really brave. I

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think that and both of us have done this where you can show

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that other side of it too. So that it's like, hey, like this

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is actually very relatable. And you know, they are human beings

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just like us too.

Unknown: 00:02:47

Yes, yeah. And I remember your post and your comment, I mean,

Unknown: 00:02:52

and it gave me so much strength and made me feel so seen as a

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human being so again, thank you so much for for having so much

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empathy and understanding. That's really your strength.

Unknown: 00:03:09

I want to ask you, first thing now

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being such a support such a rock for other people, how do you

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manage to make time for yourself and, and to know that you're

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deeply worthy of self care?

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Because I feel sometimes people who have so such a big heart,

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forget about themselves and even think, oh, now I'm gonna be

Unknown: 00:03:36

selfish if I sleep in or if I say no to somebody? How do you

Unknown: 00:03:43

navigate these times of? Yeah, people, a lot of people need

Unknown: 00:03:50

you. But also you have to have your own back and stand your

Unknown: 00:03:54

ground at times. How do you manage that?

Unknown: 00:03:59

That's a great question. And a lot of those things you said to

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it's, it's funny, because I've had a couple people in the

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comments. Oh, kinda hit me for a second because they will say,

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Hey, make sure you're making time for yourself too. And it'll

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be those little reminders where I go, Oh, man, am I like I am

Unknown: 00:04:18

putting a lot out I'm trying to be there for everyone. And it's

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a little reminder to us that yeah, we have to give ourselves

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that care and that time and that love because not only will we

Unknown: 00:04:31

just start feeling burnt out but just I don't know I think will

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serve feeling alone and depressed or anxiety filled.

Unknown: 00:04:37

There's so many different things. Someone can feel I

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think, when it comes to dealing with burnout personally, I

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almost feel like you have to or I feel like the best people to

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listen to are the people who have experienced it a lot. And

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because I feel like when you experience it yourself and work

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on overcoming it, you really discover tools that

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work and more importantly, tools that work for you yourself.

Unknown: 00:05:04

Because sometimes, we need different techniques or

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different strategies. Like for example, I'm more of a morning

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person, but some of my things might not work for someone who

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works. Third shift to is up all night. Like there's, you know,

Unknown: 00:05:17

there's different strategies to things. So maybe everything I

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say today won't necessarily help like us specifically. But

Unknown: 00:05:25

hopefully, you know, people can get certain things out of it, as

Unknown: 00:05:28

well. Some things that I've discovered myself, I mean, to

Unknown: 00:05:33

start off basic to do list are just everything. I think as we

Unknown: 00:05:37

get older, our memory sucks.

Unknown: 00:05:41

For the most part, I can

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say lightly, no, I mean, some people, you know, still have

Unknown: 00:05:47

great memories. But I just think as you get older sometimes and

Unknown: 00:05:50

life feels really busy that a to do list is whether it's in your

Unknown: 00:05:55

phone or writing down, I personally like to write

Unknown: 00:05:58

everything down, and sometimes even hang it up so that you can

Unknown: 00:06:02

look at it, I have a big calendar, where I'm like, oh,

Unknown: 00:06:04

cool, like I can always see when something's right there. It's

Unknown: 00:06:07

just a little reminder, it's not out of view. So that's like

Unknown: 00:06:10

something basic that I usually we'll start off, start the day

Unknown: 00:06:15

off, right. And kind of just like sit because I feel like

Unknown: 00:06:19

when, when we don't have a plan in motion, and we don't start

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the day off, right, we can just feel kind of lost. That's how I

Unknown: 00:06:26

have felt, personally, where I'm like, where's my direction, and

Unknown: 00:06:30

people usually don't like to feel like they have no direction

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or no purpose in their day or in their life. I've noticed or at

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least people who experience anxiety and depression, that's

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tends to be a little bit of a theme, including what I've seen

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in myself.

Unknown: 00:06:47

I would say one best way. So when it comes to the burnouts,

Unknown: 00:06:52

specifically, one of the best things that I can do for myself

Unknown: 00:06:56

is it's, it can still be a challenge to do at times,

Unknown: 00:07:00

because if you're like me out there, you might be that type of

Unknown: 00:07:03

person that thinks I want to get all my work done. And it doesn't

Unknown: 00:07:06

matter how long it takes, I just need to get it done. I think one

Unknown: 00:07:09

of the best things we can do is give yourself a specific time.

Unknown: 00:07:15

For me, I try to do usually like four or 5pm, usually 5pm, the

Unknown: 00:07:20

latest like you give yourself that time. And even if you

Unknown: 00:07:23

didn't finish stuff, you have to end your workday at that time.

Unknown: 00:07:28

Oh, it's not easy, because you might start feeling overwhelmed,

Unknown: 00:07:33

it might not help like when you go to bed thinking, Oh, I still

Unknown: 00:07:36

have all these things to do. The way that I look at it is I'm

Unknown: 00:07:39

like that's the time for you to technically turn off your brain

Unknown: 00:07:42

is what I call it, which it's like, I guess your work brain.

Unknown: 00:07:45

Yeah. So I will literally usually my work is from a

Unknown: 00:07:49

computer most of the time. So I will five o'clock will hit, I

Unknown: 00:07:53

will stand up

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almost like a robot where you just kind of stand up and you

Unknown: 00:07:58

just start walking. And I just walk away from it. And it was

Unknown: 00:08:02

very strange to do at first because I'm like, it's just a

Unknown: 00:08:06

weird feeling. It's like it feels like you're walking away

Unknown: 00:08:08

from just you know, unfinished work or whatever. But at the

Unknown: 00:08:12

same time, it's like the works gonna be there. The next day,

Unknown: 00:08:15

even when I was working more of a nine, a nine to five job, the

Unknown: 00:08:19

work was still there the next day, we obviously have deadlines

Unknown: 00:08:22

for things that we want to do. But that's why it's important to

Unknown: 00:08:25

create a plan. I always I was told by an old boss that it

Unknown: 00:08:31

should be 90% planning 10% execution. So if you plan

Unknown: 00:08:38

everything out really well, then you don't have to put so much

Unknown: 00:08:41

attention into the execution itself, it's going to fall

Unknown: 00:08:44

through and most likely you will get your work done.

Unknown: 00:08:50

That just

Unknown: 00:08:53

sorry, that makes so much sense.

Unknown: 00:08:58

I can also see that if I was to get up at four and let's say two

Unknown: 00:09:04

days in a row, I would feel like ah shit like I could have I

Unknown: 00:09:08

couldn't have been more productive the next day, the

Unknown: 00:09:11

third day, I will achieve more in the same time because I don't

Unknown: 00:09:17

want that feeling of of leaving things behind. But I still want

Unknown: 00:09:22

4pm to be my cutoff time. So it kind of forces you maybe to be

Unknown: 00:09:27

more productive because you know afterwards you have downtime

Unknown: 00:09:32

where you can relax.

Unknown: 00:09:34

Yes, because that's the thing I think for me at least it helps

Unknown: 00:09:38

with focus a lot because then I could tell myself so maybe

Unknown: 00:09:43

during the work day which obviously you know if you need

Unknown: 00:09:46

to take like a 10 or 15 minute break here and there. I mean we

Unknown: 00:09:49

got to eat too. And stuff I get it like you can take a break

Unknown: 00:09:52

here and there of course but it's nice to think about okay, I

Unknown: 00:09:56

have like this few hours I have this block of time where I can

Unknown: 00:09:59

do it.

Unknown: 00:10:00

anything, like if I want to do laundry, or if I want to go

Unknown: 00:10:03

outside and catch butterflies with a butterfly net, I can go

Unknown: 00:10:06

do that during that time, because I made a specific plan

Unknown: 00:10:11

for that. So that when you are during your work time, at least,

Unknown: 00:10:14

you know, like, it's something for me at least it's something

Unknown: 00:10:16

to look forward to as well. That's why I like to do the

Unknown: 00:10:19

work. And then the fun stuff. Because sometimes when you are

Unknown: 00:10:22

like, well, I'll do the fun stuff first, and then I'll work

Unknown: 00:10:24

it's, you know, you will, most likely won't. I haven't in my

Unknown: 00:10:29

past. I'm like, Well, I'm doing the fun stuff. Let's keep doing

Unknown: 00:10:32

the fun stuff. It's that dopamine hits Nice.

Unknown: 00:10:38

Yeah, so besides, besides that, I think what's important with

Unknown: 00:10:43

burnout as well, and I've been learning about this more

Unknown: 00:10:46

recently is developing a healthy sleep schedule. And like having

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better sleep hygiene. So I feel like it's, you know, so many of

Unknown: 00:10:58

us will stay up so late, whether it's just us, either, we'll use

Unknown: 00:11:02

that time as our relaxed time, and then we're affecting our

Unknown: 00:11:05

sleep, which then carries into the next day, and we might not

Unknown: 00:11:09

start the day off, right, it's just a bad pattern. It's a it's

Unknown: 00:11:12

a chain of events. And I feel like with the healthy sleep

Unknown: 00:11:17

schedule, you can still do little things, but then also get

Unknown: 00:11:20

the appropriate amount of sleep. And what mine is, specifically

Unknown: 00:11:26

what I've been doing is usually how I kind of, I guess for me,

Unknown: 00:11:32

or I guess for a lot of people can happen where we kind of have

Unknown: 00:11:34

those racing thoughts before we go to bed. So one thing that

Unknown: 00:11:38

helps me a lot is I know I need to calm down, I need to calm

Unknown: 00:11:42

down those thoughts. So usually, I will do some sort of night

Unknown: 00:11:47

meditation that lasts like 10 minutes. At most that will, what

Unknown: 00:11:53

I love about meditation is, especially with someone who's

Unknown: 00:11:57

also speaking as well, it lets you it kind of transforms you

Unknown: 00:12:01

into like this other world, so that you can leave those other

Unknown: 00:12:06

thoughts to the side. And if they're really, really important

Unknown: 00:12:09

thoughts, then write them down, and then reset, because then you

Unknown: 00:12:13

don't forget the thoughts, at least they're on a paper, you

Unknown: 00:12:16

can put them near your bed, and then yeah, and then you have

Unknown: 00:12:20

permission to let them go. Now, we can only remember so much at

Unknown: 00:12:23

once or only have so much on our plates. So I will do that little

Unknown: 00:12:27

meditation that kind of calms the heart rate down and my

Unknown: 00:12:30

thoughts. And then I love to read. And I also have been

Unknown: 00:12:35

journal writing more. So that's when I'll pull out one of those

Unknown: 00:12:37

at least, and do that before bed and really try. And you don't

Unknown: 00:12:42

have to do this. But I think it helps is really trying not to be

Unknown: 00:12:47

scrolling on the phone or some sort of screen or technology. I

Unknown: 00:12:51

just feel like with that blue light that just causes us to

Unknown: 00:12:54

stay up like our minds are like, Oh, it's a time when it's not or

Unknown: 00:12:58

it's like it's time to be awake and have fun when it's like now

Unknown: 00:13:00

it's time to go to sleep. So that's that's kind of another

Unknown: 00:13:04

thing, I pretty much just do these little activities that end

Unknown: 00:13:08

up just knocking me right out. I almost never have sleep problems

Unknown: 00:13:11

now, which is great.

Unknown: 00:13:14

So, so healing, would you say there and more and more people

Unknown: 00:13:19

start realizing this that if your doctor doesn't ask you for

Unknown: 00:13:23

your sleep patterns. If he's only concerned about your food

Unknown: 00:13:27

intake or alcohol intake, but doesn't ask any questions

Unknown: 00:13:31

regarding your sleep, then he is most of the time missing the

Unknown: 00:13:36

point because we need sleep to recharge our batteries and detox

Unknown: 00:13:41

our mind. And very important thing that you mentioned there

Unknown: 00:13:45

is that you write stuff down because your monkey mind will

Unknown: 00:13:50

come up with ideas to keep thinking and to keep being

Unknown: 00:13:55

engaged and all but I don't want to forget all but I want to

Unknown: 00:13:59

problem solve this for the next eight hours.

Unknown: 00:14:04

To to write it down and to tell your monkey mind, hey, you can

Unknown: 00:14:08

relax now I have it written down and tomorrow morning, I'll take

Unknown: 00:14:11

care of it. And to kind of

Unknown: 00:14:14

turn the volume down of that little guy up there and turn up

Unknown: 00:14:18

the volume of

Unknown: 00:14:21

guided meditation or reading an inspiring book is those are very

Unknown: 00:14:27

powerful tools that I use myself. And we'd like people to

Unknown: 00:14:33

at least try

Unknown: 00:14:35

and

Unknown: 00:14:38

so that was the the evening routine. Do you have a routine

Unknown: 00:14:43

in the morning? When you get up and start your day I noticed

Unknown: 00:14:49

that

Unknown: 00:14:51

this is where my anxiety peaks right after waking up where I'm

Unknown: 00:14:56

like, Oh my God, there's so much to do so much to call

Unknown: 00:15:00

unleash.

Unknown: 00:15:02

How is it for you? Do you have a couple of tips and tricks for

Unknown: 00:15:06

the morning?

Unknown: 00:15:08

So the kind of tie in the night and the morning a little bit

Unknown: 00:15:11

with what you asked said is, I actually consider it an

Unknown: 00:15:16

advantage. When you do have those thoughts racing that you

Unknown: 00:15:19

can write it down, because then it gives you your to do list in

Unknown: 00:15:23

a sense for the next morning. It's like, oh, cool, you're

Unknown: 00:15:26

already prepared to start off, right? Because that was your

Unknown: 00:15:30

relaxed time that you got. And you're using just a couple

Unknown: 00:15:33

minutes just to get all that down to where now you don't have

Unknown: 00:15:36

to use your time in the morning to be scrambling around and be

Unknown: 00:15:39

like, Oh, my God, what do I have to do? The list is right there.

Unknown: 00:15:42

So it's kind of I see that, that at least in a way, that's me, I

Unknown: 00:15:46

guess trying to turn a negative into a positive, where you might

Unknown: 00:15:50

think racing thoughts is a weakness, where it's like, no,

Unknown: 00:15:52

you can actually use that to your advantage. With the with

Unknown: 00:15:57

the morning schedule, my morning schedule has altered here and

Unknown: 00:16:00

there. And that's the other thing too, is sometimes the same

Unknown: 00:16:04

schedule can get a little monotonous. So you might want to

Unknown: 00:16:07

change it up here and there. I think that's perfectly fine,

Unknown: 00:16:10

too. As long as you're getting your stuff done. Some of the

Unknown: 00:16:14

things that have stayed the same for me is I will wake up

Unknown: 00:16:17

usually, what's pretty bad as I don't even need an alarm clock

Unknown: 00:16:22

anymore. At this point, my circadian rhythm is just like

Unknown: 00:16:25

having me up at six in the morning. Or like 630 The latest

Unknown: 00:16:29

it's crazy how that happens. I use I'm like, That's unheard of

Unknown: 00:16:33

people think I'm not but but um, I usually like 6am is a perfect

Unknown: 00:16:39

time. If I wake up a little earlier a little later. I try

Unknown: 00:16:42

not you know, if it's a little bit later, specifically, I you

Unknown: 00:16:45

know, you can't stress about that it life happens, you're not

Unknown: 00:16:48

going to always you might not always wake up at the exact same

Unknown: 00:16:50

minute or feel good every morning waking up. But they're

Unknown: 00:16:55

still like the best thing is yeah, definitely don't stress

Unknown: 00:16:59

about that, because it just will lead you in a hole. Yeah, it

Unknown: 00:17:02

could definitely increase the anxiety to where things seem

Unknown: 00:17:06

more complicated and out of reach than they really are, when

Unknown: 00:17:10

it's always in the same spot. Your goals, I guess what I mean,

Unknown: 00:17:15

so. So I always one of the best things I added to my morning

Unknown: 00:17:21

schedule is stretching. And I've only had to do it for like two

Unknown: 00:17:25

to three minutes. At least, if I can fit, I usually do like a two

Unknown: 00:17:29

to five minutes. But if you can at least get because there's a

Unknown: 00:17:32

lot of people are like, I don't have time to do that. Two

Unknown: 00:17:34

minutes, take two minutes to just stretch out your arms, legs

Unknown: 00:17:39

and back and chest area. I used to have horrible, I was starting

Unknown: 00:17:44

to develop a really horrible upper back pain and like kind of

Unknown: 00:17:47

in my neck, but the shoulder blades specifically. And that

Unknown: 00:17:51

was a couple years ago ever since I did at least two minutes

Unknown: 00:17:54

stretching every morning have not had back pain since. And

Unknown: 00:17:58

it's crazy. Like I just I was starting to accept the fate of

Unknown: 00:18:02

I'm getting older. So I have to feel like crap. And I have to be

Unknown: 00:18:05

miserable. Because aging and it's like it doesn't need to be

Unknown: 00:18:08

that way. There are people out there who are 8596 years old,

Unknown: 00:18:12

that are still running marathons and feeling great. And it's

Unknown: 00:18:15

because they came up with these routines that are healthy for

Unknown: 00:18:20

them and that work for them. So it's to me, it's inspiring. And

Unknown: 00:18:24

it reminds me like okay, yeah, you don't, you don't you can,

Unknown: 00:18:28

you don't have to be miserable in this life, we get the one

Unknown: 00:18:30

life and let's, you know, let's work with as much as we can.

Unknown: 00:18:36

So yeah, the stretching really helps. I actually try to, I'm a

Unknown: 00:18:41

big reader. And I also kind of with my morning and my night. It

Unknown: 00:18:45

just really is it's kind of like a book analogy. I like to look

Unknown: 00:18:48

at it as two bookends. So certain things I do at night I

Unknown: 00:18:51

try to also do in the morning. So for example, I will try to

Unknown: 00:18:54

read at least a chapter morning and night because it's like a

Unknown: 00:18:59

good way to start the day like it gets the mind moving a little

Unknown: 00:19:02

bit just doing some light reading and then at the end you

Unknown: 00:19:05

kind of end your way it's an activity I love so I feel like

Unknown: 00:19:08

something you really enjoy. Have it bookmark on both ends of the

Unknown: 00:19:12

day, have the work in between and then you have something to

Unknown: 00:19:15

start your day on a good way and then something to look forward

Unknown: 00:19:18

to later.

Unknown: 00:19:21

Let's see. Yeah, so like I said, I will usually my minimum is a

Unknown: 00:19:25

chapter I will you know, eat breakfast of course. Well I say

Unknown: 00:19:29

of course some people skip breakfast do not skip breakfast.

Unknown: 00:19:32

I just remember that there's people that won't eat for like

Unknown: 00:19:36

12 hours. I just in my opinion, don't skip breakfast. You

Unknown: 00:19:40

definitely want to I feel like when you do that it just you

Unknown: 00:19:45

don't know you got to nurture your brain not even so much the

Unknown: 00:19:48

food but the nutrients in the food. I feel like that's what we

Unknown: 00:19:53

really need to nurture that brain because if we don't have

Unknown: 00:19:56

that, I know there's been days where I

Unknown: 00:20:00

either like, did it eat a good breakfast like it was either too

Unknown: 00:20:03

small or there was no nutrients in it. And I just was off most

Unknown: 00:20:08

of the day and trying to get back trying to get the train

Unknown: 00:20:10

back on the train track. So I feel like that's really

Unknown: 00:20:14

important. I, I'm guilty of this that game wordly has entered my

Unknown: 00:20:20

morning routine. But it's actually and for people who

Unknown: 00:20:24

don't know what wordly is, it's, it's owned by New York Times

Unknown: 00:20:27

now, you guess you have six chances to guess a five letter

Unknown: 00:20:32

word. And at first, I viewed this as Oh, no, this is like

Unknown: 00:20:35

some new game addiction that I don't need on my phone, or I

Unknown: 00:20:39

don't need to like waste time over the good news, a couple of

Unknown: 00:20:42

things. One, it's a new puzzle only once a day. So once you

Unknown: 00:20:46

solve it, you have to wait a whole other day to solve a new

Unknown: 00:20:50

one. And two, I realized it actually was developing my

Unknown: 00:20:55

because in a way, it's like a word puzzle. It's kind of

Unknown: 00:20:58

similar to like a sudoku type of thing. So it gets your brain

Unknown: 00:21:03

working in the morning. And I noticed as I've added that, I'm

Unknown: 00:21:06

like, wow, I can even get even more focused. And my problem

Unknown: 00:21:09

solving actually increased a little bit sounds like that's

Unknown: 00:21:13

really cool. So like, it doesn't have to be worldly, but

Unknown: 00:21:15

something that can get your brain thinking like a little bit

Unknown: 00:21:21

of critical thinking a little bit of problem solving before

Unknown: 00:21:24

you even do your work and might help with your actual work a

Unknown: 00:21:29

little bit, because you already started training your brain.

Unknown: 00:21:32

Another thing I will do at times in the morning, if I I mean,

Unknown: 00:21:37

sometimes I'll have like a half hour to do it. Sometimes I might

Unknown: 00:21:40

only have 10 minutes, but it's like some sort of quick little

Unknown: 00:21:44

workout to kind of get like the physical part of me moving and

Unknown: 00:21:48

waking up. So whether it's like some push ups and sit ups or I

Unknown: 00:21:53

have, I own some weights, so might lift a little bit of

Unknown: 00:21:56

weights might jog in place a little bit, I kind of tie that

Unknown: 00:21:59

in with the stretching. So that's like all my physical

Unknown: 00:22:02

stuff to wake me up. And then I kind of will do like the problem

Unknown: 00:22:06

solving. And I guess a big thing that I try not to do like I used

Unknown: 00:22:11

to is, when we wake up, we go right to the cell phone and

Unknown: 00:22:15

write to the social media. And I try to save that for after I'm

Unknown: 00:22:20

right. Like I have to get ready for the day. First, I have to do

Unknown: 00:22:23

all those other things. And then I earned the right to check

Unknown: 00:22:26

social media or check something that might be a little more mind

Unknown: 00:22:30

numbing. Yeah, yeah, that makes total sense. And my main

Unknown: 00:22:36

takeaway from from what you just shared with us is basically that

Unknown: 00:22:40

you get up in the morning for yourself.

Unknown: 00:22:47

Yes, stuff to wake your body up, wake your mind up in a playful

Unknown: 00:22:52

way in a way that feels good. And then you get to social

Unknown: 00:22:58

media, and how can I serve the world. And it doesn't really

Unknown: 00:23:02

matter if you are in a relationship or a single, if you

Unknown: 00:23:05

are a parent, or CEO of some company, get up in the morning,

Unknown: 00:23:11

even if it's just 10 minutes earlier than usual. And just

Unknown: 00:23:15

focus on yourself. I find that super inspiring. And I do that

Unknown: 00:23:21

myself. And sometimes I even at the end of the day, I mute my

Unknown: 00:23:28

day. And I just watch myself from Burt's perspective and see,

Unknown: 00:23:33

what did I do with my body this morning? What did I do over

Unknown: 00:23:37

lunch? What did I do over the afternoon? Was I sitting the

Unknown: 00:23:41

whole day and kind of hunched over and now in the evening, I

Unknown: 00:23:45

wonder that my muscles are sore? Or how much did I use my muscles

Unknown: 00:23:51

and my

Unknown: 00:23:54

my body to get things done and then realize, okay, you need to

Unknown: 00:24:00

take care of your mind and of your body. Because that's going

Unknown: 00:24:05

to influence how you feel. And I love the little stretch the time

Unknown: 00:24:10

you take in the morning.

Unknown: 00:24:13

That is so critical and that it's not half an hour or 20

Unknown: 00:24:17

minutes. That would be way too much for for some people will

Unknown: 00:24:21

start this routine, but just two to five minutes can make such a

Unknown: 00:24:25

difference already. That's, that's really beautiful. Frank,

Unknown: 00:24:30

I would like to ask you now,

Unknown: 00:24:34

these routines that you introduced into your life,

Unknown: 00:24:38

how would you say?

Unknown: 00:24:41

And now if you were in a relationship, how would these

Unknown: 00:24:45

routines that you do for yourself influence your partner?

Unknown: 00:24:49

Or if you are single, how did it better your connection to

Unknown: 00:24:55

yourself? Maybe Maybe you can

Unknown: 00:24:59

talk

Unknown: 00:25:00

about both sides, like if you were in a relationship or if you

Unknown: 00:25:03

are, and if you are single with yourself.

Unknown: 00:25:08

How would it? How would you put that into words?

Unknown: 00:25:14

So, yeah, that's a good question. I maybe this is why

Unknown: 00:25:18

I'm single.

Unknown: 00:25:20

Because the relationship I mean, I haven't been in a relationship

Unknown: 00:25:23

in a while. So it's easier to know how it affects me. When I'm

Unknown: 00:25:29

single, and I guess which I can still answer the other question

Unknown: 00:25:32

too. But it definitely in a single sense, it helped me.

Unknown: 00:25:38

It definitely helped me feel less lost. And it definitely

Unknown: 00:25:43

like you had said to a, it gives priority to yourself, so that

Unknown: 00:25:47

I'm not because when you go,

Unknown: 00:25:50

I feel like when you just the first thing you do if you just

Unknown: 00:25:53

go right on social media, and either you're scrolling or maybe

Unknown: 00:25:55

you're even doing some posting to I feel like you're putting

Unknown: 00:25:59

your energy right into everyone else or everyone else's

Unknown: 00:26:03

opinions. And yeah, you don't give yourself the appropriate

Unknown: 00:26:06

time. I think a lot of us will complain at times that we don't

Unknown: 00:26:10

have enough alone time or enough quiet time or anything. And it's

Unknown: 00:26:13

like honestly, yeah, right. When you wake up, you can. Sometimes

Unknown: 00:26:17

it's figuring out when to wake up. I know people who have

Unknown: 00:26:19

children, it's like you got to you got to find the time when

Unknown: 00:26:23

everyone's sleeping, maybe to do that. But it's possible. It's

Unknown: 00:26:26

not the easiest thing to develop this type of routine or

Unknown: 00:26:30

schedule, but I think it's it can be possible for everyone

Unknown: 00:26:33

just it's going to obviously be different. For everyone with

Unknown: 00:26:37

Yeah, so with being single, it definitely reminded me that

Unknown: 00:26:43

whether we are with someone, or we have a whole family, or we're

Unknown: 00:26:46

single, you have to be number one priority, because if you

Unknown: 00:26:52

don't, you can't take care of anyone else, if you're just

Unknown: 00:26:55

completely lost and a mess. And man, I've been that many times

Unknown: 00:27:00

through my life. So I'm like, I need to Yeah, I need to be okay,

Unknown: 00:27:04

I want to help people in this world. So I have to help myself.

Unknown: 00:27:08

And I have to be okay. Otherwise, I'm not going to

Unknown: 00:27:12

achieve one of my biggest goals, which is that and in the

Unknown: 00:27:17

relationship sense, it's interesting, because there's

Unknown: 00:27:20

someone that I think about one person that I talked to where he

Unknown: 00:27:26

is on a completely opposite schedule as me because he works

Unknown: 00:27:30

third shift. So obviously, the sleep schedules are very

Unknown: 00:27:34

different. And it can be challenging coming up with well,

Unknown: 00:27:38

when do we talk type of thing, because I'm a morning person

Unknown: 00:27:42

waking up at 6am, that person is getting out of work and going to

Unknown: 00:27:45

bed at that time as I'm waking up. So it's literally the sun

Unknown: 00:27:48

and the moon, trying to date.

Unknown: 00:27:52

And we know the sun and the moon usually don't see each other,

Unknown: 00:27:55

but they're passing. So it can, it can definitely be

Unknown: 00:27:59

challenging. And I've done, I've done that thing. And I saw as he

Unknown: 00:28:06

where you will,

Unknown: 00:28:09

I guess you'll kind of sacrifice some of that sleep or some of

Unknown: 00:28:12

that time to try to make it work, when there's definitely

Unknown: 00:28:16

different ways to do it. And that's definitely seeing when's

Unknown: 00:28:20

the same times that you guys are awake. Because yeah, you don't

Unknown: 00:28:25

like for my case, I don't want to have to stay up until one or

Unknown: 00:28:29

two in the morning. Because that person is wide awake, and they

Unknown: 00:28:32

shouldn't have to stay up when they need sleep at like eight

Unknown: 00:28:35

nine in the morning. Just because I'm awake. So it's

Unknown: 00:28:38

definitely it's definitely a compromise that it's not easy.

Unknown: 00:28:43

But it's definitely possible to still find that congruent time

Unknown: 00:28:48

with each other. But then also giving yourself permission to

Unknown: 00:28:53

say, hey, it's so and so time, I need to go to bed. But I'm happy

Unknown: 00:28:59

you know, but let's, let's talk during this time, like let's

Unknown: 00:29:02

give ourselves a specific a lot of time to communicate to see

Unknown: 00:29:08

each other. You know, everyone gets everyone should have some

Unknown: 00:29:10

sort of days off. That's a good time to try to connect that way

Unknown: 00:29:15

as well. But yeah, with relationships that can

Unknown: 00:29:18

definitely be it can be challenging, and it can be easy

Unknown: 00:29:23

to want to completely change that person into your schedule,

Unknown: 00:29:28

which I've you know, and I've had the I've been guilty of

Unknown: 00:29:30

thoughts of that where I'm like, Oh, I just wish this person woke

Unknown: 00:29:33

up the same time I did, and had the same exact schedule, but

Unknown: 00:29:36

that's not reality. Like everyone has different

Unknown: 00:29:39

schedules. It's all about making it work. If you really care

Unknown: 00:29:42

enough about the person, you're going to make it work don't try

Unknown: 00:29:45

to change your partner into something that into you, you

Unknown: 00:29:49

know, like let them be them in that sense because it's

Unknown: 00:29:52

definitely I just think you guys will be happier that way trying

Unknown: 00:29:56

to make it work and you know, without all the resentment and

Unknown: 00:29:59

stuff

Unknown: 00:30:00

Hmm,

Unknown: 00:30:01

that makes total sense. And adding to that,

Unknown: 00:30:07

I'm a little bit the opposite. I'm guilty of throwing

Unknown: 00:30:12

everything overboard, when I meet somebody that is so

Unknown: 00:30:16

interesting, because not now I feel awesome. Now I'm inspired.

Unknown: 00:30:22

Now I'm full of energy, I don't need my stupid self care

Unknown: 00:30:25

anymore. And they will attend.

Unknown: 00:30:29

And then, after a couple months, you realize, Hmm, maybe I should

Unknown: 00:30:35

have my little routines back because the other person

Unknown: 00:30:38

shouldn't feel responsible of my anxiety and feeling.

Unknown: 00:30:44

Not grounded enough. And it can give you a deep sense, like, no

Unknown: 00:30:49

matter if you're single, or in a relationship, it can give you a

Unknown: 00:30:53

deep sense of self. That is hugely attractive for everybody

Unknown: 00:31:00

around you.

Unknown: 00:31:02

I noticed people who are very magnetic people who have that

Unknown: 00:31:07

glow in their eyes, and I count you into

Unknown: 00:31:11

they have a very,

Unknown: 00:31:15

I don't want to say rigid but consistent self care practice.

Unknown: 00:31:20

And, and it shows, it shows that a person is taking care of

Unknown: 00:31:26

themselves. And

Unknown: 00:31:28

it's something that we should all learn to cling to.

Unknown: 00:31:34

With, with everything we have.

Unknown: 00:31:39

I'd like to ask you now, when it comes to everything we're going

Unknown: 00:31:45

through right now, we had COVID First, and now we have

Unknown: 00:31:50

world war three. I don't know if we can call it world war three,

Unknown: 00:31:54

but it definitely feels like it.

Unknown: 00:31:57

For people. I don't know, I didn't ask you like, do you

Unknown: 00:32:01

watch the news a lot? Do you try to keep up?

Unknown: 00:32:06

For people who want to stay informed, but also want to

Unknown: 00:32:12

keep functioning in society, but have a hard time right now to be

Unknown: 00:32:18

okay, and happy with what they have because of so much

Unknown: 00:32:21

suffering?

Unknown: 00:32:23

Is there any advice that you may be received in recent

Unknown: 00:32:29

conversations? Or that you could advise?

Unknown: 00:32:34

Our listeners?

Unknown: 00:32:37

Definitely COVID. So you have before even getting into

Unknown: 00:32:41

Ukraine, because that is a whole other like, wow.

Unknown: 00:32:46

Like, well, these couple of years man event, someone's

Unknown: 00:32:50

really testing us humans. But

Unknown: 00:32:53

I, yeah, COVID was at the beginning. It was like, okay,

Unknown: 00:32:58

I'm good. And my self care was good. And then.

Unknown: 00:33:02

And I think that's because we thought it was going to end

Unknown: 00:33:04

sooner than it did. And then as it set in, where it's like, wow,

Unknown: 00:33:08

this is still going is when it started again, depressing. And

Unknown: 00:33:12

the anxiety started rising. And yeah, my answer, part of my

Unknown: 00:33:16

answer was going to be having to do with the news. And I just

Unknown: 00:33:20

remember when I was younger, the news just didn't seem everywhere

Unknown: 00:33:25

like it is today. Like, even on TV, it just didn't seem so

Unknown: 00:33:29

frequent. There's so many different channels to get the

Unknown: 00:33:32

news. And it's all like similar yet different news at that. The

Unknown: 00:33:36

similarity with the news is that it's all scaring us half the

Unknown: 00:33:40

time. It might be a different message behind it. But it's like

Unknown: 00:33:44

to kind of scare us a little bit. And it's like all the

Unknown: 00:33:46

negative Yeah, all the negative, there's not really much positive

Unknown: 00:33:49

on the news. And then what makes it worse is now I check out like

Unknown: 00:33:54

Tic, I'll go tick tock was usually a source for me to get

Unknown: 00:34:00

like the laughs and stuff and positive messages. And now all

Unknown: 00:34:04

you see is COVID or Ukraine news. And so it's like the news

Unknown: 00:34:08

is everywhere, like on every platform, every social media

Unknown: 00:34:12

platform, it's on TV, they say stuff on the radio, it just

Unknown: 00:34:16

seems like we can't escape it. So I guess one of my biggest

Unknown: 00:34:20

pieces of advice is that well, the good news is that we have a

Unknown: 00:34:27

beautiful nature. Like how do I word it? Nature is beautiful in

Unknown: 00:34:33

a sense in that we all have some sort of outdoors area. And I

Unknown: 00:34:39

would say that when it comes to the news

Unknown: 00:34:44

because we want to be informed I would say just put a limit, like

Unknown: 00:34:48

you don't need to watch four or five different news stations.

Unknown: 00:34:52

All in the same thing. Like I would say check out the news.

Unknown: 00:34:57

One time a day. At least that's what I do.

Unknown: 00:35:00

Oh, now because I was doing the morning, the afternoon and the

Unknown: 00:35:03

evening. And it's like, know,

Unknown: 00:35:06

and trust. And honestly, there's always going to, I think there's

Unknown: 00:35:09

always going to be someone out there that's doing that anyway,

Unknown: 00:35:12

that's going to share it all anyway, online. So it's like,

Unknown: 00:35:14

you'll get it, you'll kind of like hear about it anyway, I

Unknown: 00:35:17

don't think I used to get nervous about like, Oh, I'm not

Unknown: 00:35:20

going to know what's going on in the world. But it's everywhere,

Unknown: 00:35:24

like you can't like, if you really want to find a piece of

Unknown: 00:35:27

news, it's going to be somewhere like, you're going to catch it.

Unknown: 00:35:30

So I there's no FOMO in that. I feel like missing out there.

Unknown: 00:35:34

Because we're gonna always know, at the same time, we have the

Unknown: 00:35:37

power to tune in or not. When it comes to frequency, and just

Unknown: 00:35:44

when in general. So yeah, I told myself that I had to pick either

Unknown: 00:35:48

morning or evening, which evening is supposed to relax me.

Unknown: 00:35:52

So I'm like, I'm gonna choose morning to just like, do a

Unknown: 00:35:56

couple minutes. My roommate watches the news all the time.

Unknown: 00:36:00

So if anything, sometimes I walk out and he just tells me

Unknown: 00:36:03

something that's going on. I'm like, oh, cool, I don't have to

Unknown: 00:36:05

watch the news. Now.

Unknown: 00:36:07

It was just a quick little conversation I can forget about.

Unknown: 00:36:10

But yet stay informed with it. Some kind of luck out there. But

Unknown: 00:36:15

yeah, I would say limit that. It going outside, I used to take

Unknown: 00:36:21

for granted a lot. And when were kids, I would forget how much

Unknown: 00:36:26

time we actually like how much freedom we had for that we just

Unknown: 00:36:30

didn't have as many responsibilities. You know, and

Unknown: 00:36:33

for some of us, too, there wasn't as much technology. But

Unknown: 00:36:35

the main thing is we didn't have as much responsibilities, which

Unknown: 00:36:38

gave us more time for free time, which included going outside and

Unknown: 00:36:43

we're just you know, a lot of us are so used to like being stuck

Unknown: 00:36:47

in a building with work or having or being on a computer

Unknown: 00:36:50

all day with work. And I, I'm fortunate enough for my work, I

Unknown: 00:36:55

can kind of take with me on a computer. So I will go outside

Unknown: 00:36:58

or I'll go to a different Park, I'll go to a different place if

Unknown: 00:37:01

I really want to get it that way. And then sometimes I leave

Unknown: 00:37:04

the computer in the office, I'm like Screw your computer, I'm

Unknown: 00:37:07

going out, I'm going through, I'm gonna take a journey through

Unknown: 00:37:10

the woods, and just breathe for a second. And that's why I love

Unknown: 00:37:14

trees, by the way. And I live on the east coast in the United

Unknown: 00:37:17

States. So trees are lovely. Over here, and I just go through

Unknown: 00:37:22

the woods. And I just breathe it in. And, and even try you know,

Unknown: 00:37:27

and if you're doing that really try not to be on your phone or

Unknown: 00:37:31

an electronic as well. And really just like, and that

Unknown: 00:37:34

includes music too. And just like really listen to the world.

Unknown: 00:37:39

And listen to the stillness and the quiet. And I think that, for

Unknown: 00:37:44

me, it's a good reset, so that when I'm feeling a bunch of

Unknown: 00:37:48

anxiety, it's almost like a reset button. Or I'm like, okay,

Unknown: 00:37:52

like the world feels loud. It feels crazy. Right now, this is

Unknown: 00:37:55

just a quick reset. Because you know, at the end of the day, I

Unknown: 00:37:59

think good things and bad things are always going to happen in

Unknown: 00:38:04

the world. So that's why we can't

Unknown: 00:38:08

we just can't put ourselves through hell of always being

Unknown: 00:38:12

focused on every little negative thing. Because all those

Unknown: 00:38:16

thoughts aren't going to change what's actually happening

Unknown: 00:38:19

Ukraine and Russia, it's still happening, whether we're overly

Unknown: 00:38:24

analyzing it or not. So, so I would say that, obviously we

Unknown: 00:38:30

have to accept the reality of what's going on in the world.

Unknown: 00:38:33

But we also have to give ourselves permission to breathe,

Unknown: 00:38:37

as well and, and just accept that. We we have more control

Unknown: 00:38:43

than we think we do when it comes to our inner peace.

Unknown: 00:38:48

Wow.

Unknown: 00:38:51

Everybody let this sink in. We have more control over our inner

Unknown: 00:38:57

peace, then we think

Unknown: 00:39:02

Frank illusio

Unknown: 00:39:07

this is your

Unknown: 00:39:10

it's yours and I'll be using it.

Unknown: 00:39:15

Why Frank, hugely resonates with my heart.

Unknown: 00:39:21

And I love how you emphasize that we are part of nature we

Unknown: 00:39:26

need to allow ourselves to get back to nature, to be present

Unknown: 00:39:30

with nature. And what I want to add to that if you don't have

Unknown: 00:39:35

trees or parks, where you live, random acts of kindness, with

Unknown: 00:39:42

strangers eye contact, holding a door helping an elderly person

Unknown: 00:39:48

over the street. Those those little deep connections that we

Unknown: 00:39:53

can create with people we know or don't know, also deeply

Unknown: 00:39:57

nurture our heart

Unknown: 00:40:00

Because in that moment, we are fully present with something

Unknown: 00:40:04

outside of ourselves. And that usually helps us to bring all

Unknown: 00:40:09

the anxiety and negativity down.

Unknown: 00:40:14

I love everything you said there. And I love most that it

Unknown: 00:40:17

is so easy to apply. It is not you don't need money for it. You

Unknown: 00:40:24

don't need to, you know, be overly spiritual. If you're not

Unknown: 00:40:28

there yet, you can just do baby steps and you will see the

Unknown: 00:40:32

results. You will reap the fruit from from little changes,

Unknown: 00:40:38

like you offered here with us today. Endlessly precious,

Unknown: 00:40:42

endlessly precious.

Unknown: 00:40:45

To add in, yes, yes. Sorry, just to add in quick because I made

Unknown: 00:40:49

me remember with COVID, not that there's really positives that

Unknown: 00:40:54

come out of COVID. But a positive for me that came out of

Unknown: 00:40:57

the negative experience was realizing how, just how

Unknown: 00:41:02

antisocial we've become as a society. Like I just really

Unknown: 00:41:05

didn't click with me before that and like that really set it in.

Unknown: 00:41:09

And I think just with having to wear a mask, for example, like

Unknown: 00:41:14

that alone. I'm like, wow, that actually made communication a

Unknown: 00:41:18

little bit more difficult, because we're covering that

Unknown: 00:41:20

because we have to, but I was like, but even before the masks,

Unknown: 00:41:24

we weren't communicating anyway, half the time like it didn't

Unknown: 00:41:27

even matter if we were wearing a mask or not. We weren't, we

Unknown: 00:41:31

weren't doing those random acts of kindness a lot, or we weren't

Unknown: 00:41:33

really appreciating human beings maybe as much as we really

Unknown: 00:41:38

could. I just I don't know, I think. And I think that goes

Unknown: 00:41:42

back to the whole, like inner chaos that happens with us,

Unknown: 00:41:46

sometimes where it's like, we're so lost in our own stuff, that

Unknown: 00:41:50

we don't even have the power or freedom to help others or even

Unknown: 00:41:54

think about others in a compassionate way. But I am

Unknown: 00:41:58

seeing more and more of that with either work that you do or

Unknown: 00:42:01

work that you see other people do. And it's like, yeah, there's

Unknown: 00:42:04

hope in this world.

Unknown: 00:42:07

Yeah, it is so beautiful that COVID brought a lot of goodness,

Unknown: 00:42:12

a lot of

Unknown: 00:42:14

a lot of reflection and realization that was so

Unknown: 00:42:18

necessary. And that would have been, like not possible without

Unknown: 00:42:23

without that traumatic experience.

Unknown: 00:42:29

I'd love to give you the opportunity now to first share a

Unknown: 00:42:35

couple books with us that deeply changed the way you feel or

Unknown: 00:42:42

think for the better. And then how can people reach you and

Unknown: 00:42:47

start following you find you?

Unknown: 00:42:52

Questions. So with the books I've been,

Unknown: 00:42:56

I haven't been doing. So a lot of my reading lately has been

Unknown: 00:43:00

more fiction, for the most part. So that might not be like the

Unknown: 00:43:04

most helpful when it comes to if people are looking for self

Unknown: 00:43:07

help. But one book that I can recommend that I'm almost done

Unknown: 00:43:12

with that I really like and this ties into what we were talking

Unknown: 00:43:15

about earlier is atomic habits.

Unknown: 00:43:19

That book

Unknown: 00:43:22

What's his name? I don't have the book in front of me, Jean. I

Unknown: 00:43:25

want to say James clear, so bad, but I can't remember if that's

Unknown: 00:43:28

actually I feel like his first name is James. But atomic

Unknown: 00:43:32

habits, if you look that up, it will pop right up. Yeah. And

Unknown: 00:43:35

that.

Unknown: 00:43:37

That that's helped a little bit too. That makes me want to

Unknown: 00:43:41

revisit my habits I already have and like even make them

Unknown: 00:43:44

stronger. That's a really, I highly recommend that book.

Unknown: 00:43:48

Wherever you buy it, whether it's a bookstore, Amazon or

Unknown: 00:43:51

whoever you want to support it. Yeah, I definitely recommend

Unknown: 00:43:54

that. And then to find me, I'm always changing these I feel my

Unknown: 00:43:59

username always changes. I feel half the time. But I want to say

Unknown: 00:44:04

so my, I have like three Instagrams. And so my personal

Unknown: 00:44:09

one is let me be frank Anthony. I have a Bookstagram which is

Unknown: 00:44:14

Frank's fiction. And then the podcast one, which that name

Unknown: 00:44:19

changed. It used to be let me be frank pod but now it's the love

Unknown: 00:44:23

diaries pod because that's hopefully a new podcast that I'm

Unknown: 00:44:27

going to be starting in the future with one of my friends is

Unknown: 00:44:30

a co host which will pretty much just discuss like it'll be like

Unknown: 00:44:35

relief. It'll be reading different relationship stories

Unknown: 00:44:39

and kind of giving advice and intake on that. I've I have a

Unknown: 00:44:44

really big passion for relationships and like kind of

Unknown: 00:44:47

helping couples and all that I've always had a big passion

Unknown: 00:44:50

with that. But so those are the Instagrams and then tick tock is

Unknown: 00:44:55

let me be frank Anthony. And I can't remember Twitter.

Unknown: 00:45:00

We are at the moment. I think it's also let me be frank

Unknown: 00:45:04

Anthony. And then Facebook, I want to say is Frank's fiction.

Unknown: 00:45:09

But if the best way to do this is my website is www dot let me

Unknown: 00:45:15

be frank anthony.com. And all the socials should be connected

Unknown: 00:45:19

in there somehow. Very good. That easy then for us to to find

Unknown: 00:45:27

you. Well, thank you so much for this genuine, heartwarming

Unknown: 00:45:34

conversation. I enjoyed every minute. And yeah, we stay

Unknown: 00:45:40

connected. And we'll keep in contact, especially during those

Unknown: 00:45:47

difficult times. Thank you so much for being here and for

Unknown: 00:45:50

being the light out there and the hope and the inspiration for

Unknown: 00:45:55

so many people.

Unknown: 00:45:57

Thank you so much Aurora. I could I could talk with you for

Unknown: 00:46:00

hours.

Unknown: 00:46:03

We should do that again soon. All right. Yeah. Dear listeners.

Unknown: 00:46:08

I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope we were able to bring you

Unknown: 00:46:12

a lot of value and inspiration, hope and motivation. You are

Unknown: 00:46:18

loved. And until next time, bye bye. Take care.