Let's talk personal growth, reflecting on past experiences with credit cards, college life, and shopping indulgences and the lessons that come with age, including the bravery to try new things. This week, we discuss the evolution of body image, celebrating milestones and honoring influential figures like Tess Holliday. The conversation pivots to the power of pop culture, diving into the impact of artists like Ariana Grande, Dua Lipa, and dreams of a collaboration between Beyoncé and Taylor Swift. The hosts share their creative aspirations, including goals for writing, vocal lessons, and spiritual endeavors, emphasizing the importance of self-expression and trying new things. They wrap up with meaningful reflections on setting intentions for the new year and a card reading that highlights the need for healthy boundaries and self-care.

00:00 College Credit Card Adventures

01:08 Mall Memories and Fashion Faux Pas

02:29 Body Image and Self-Acceptance

03:32 Celebrity Encounters and Inspirations

06:35 Pop Culture and Music Analysis

22:19 New Year Goals and Personal Growth

25:28 Seeking Vocal Coaching

26:34 Embracing Self-Validation and Overcoming Fear

28:26 Trisha Paytas and Unapologetic Self-Expression

34:45 Pursuing Creative Passions and Personal Growth

36:52 Workplace Joy and Personality Hires

44:53 Setting Intentions and Trying New Things

49:54 Karaoke Dreams and Oracle Card Reading

52:30 Conclusion and Contact Information

Your homegirls just could go sign you up for a credit

legit and I was like, Oh, thanks.

Like that, like, so excited.

So like we're at Frostburg and you know how like at college campuses

are just like prime for like dumb.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't ask any questions because I was just so grateful that she

signed me up for a Capital One card.

So like, basically you give them their information and then

they will send you in the mail.

Like that was like back when they would just like send you the card

with like the approval already.

And you're like, bet a free three grand, like not even processing

that you need to pay that shit.

Right.

I was like, oh, that's income.

Like, thank you so much for my raise.

Thanks.

Thanks girl.

Like.

And then we went to the mall.

I had Towson Town Center.

I got into a lot of trouble out there.

That was a good mall.

Towson was like banging.

Also, there was like 47 different stores in that mall that

were competing with Forever 21.

You could go to any of them to get a five dollar going out shirt.

It's like Wet Seal, 21.

There were like all these like little independently owned

just whore apparel and I loved it.

All the polyester halter tops.

My heart skips a beat thinking about it.

even, I was not thin enough to dress in any of the good clothes.

I feel like for a minute everything was Empire waist.

It all just very

I looked I was pregnant.

Like, I just looked a pregnant as fuck.

It's so funny because I think back on it and look at pictures and I'm like, Oh my

God, Crystal, are you fucking for real?

Also, the, the boobies were, were up,

were, they're down here.

Titties

that was the, like, that was one of the perks of being a chubbier girl, was

like, the boobs were big and they were up.

Yeah.

And like, I had killer smile and I'm a personality

Still.

Still do.

Still do.

that is, that got me everything that I needed, quite frankly.

And now, like, I celebrate the fact that I just got to One-derland,

like, I just hit under 200 pounds.

And I'm

like, Oh my gosh, I'm so skinty.

Like,

You better not go out on a windy day.

You are gonna fly away.

If you turn sideways, we might lose

you

you even see, like, can you see?

Where'd you go?

Girl!

Girl!

Girlfriend, where'd you go?

We lost you, baby.

Oh, there you are.

Oh my god, I got so scared for a second.

I didn't even know where I was.

Like, I was, I

was gone.

oh my

gosh.

going.

But like, for real, when I see pictures of myself, I'm like, girl, you were

so, like, we just weren't in the area where, like, you could be a thicc bitch.

It was the early 2000s.

That was an awful time.

Yeah, but you're right.

They are trying to go back there.

It's like we, we fought this.

Ashley Graham had to stomp those runways.

Poor Ashley Graham had to be stomping there.

We had, what was her name?

Tess,

Did I ever tell you when

Tess Holliday.

Thank you.

My gosh.

I still follow her on TikTok too.

discovered her when I lived in Long Beach and I didn't know

that she lived in Long Beach, right?

So like, I'm getting my, my nails done in the Keenly Salon in Long Beach.

And I look over and like, she's unmistakable because she's

got this beautiful red hair

I mean,

fly.

And I looked over and I was like, oh my god.

My claim to fame while living in the LA area was seeing people

that I, I think are fantastic, but that everybody would be like, what?

She was probably my favorite that I saw.

She looked gorgeous.

And I was on Twitter later.

And I was like, Oh my God, guys, I saw Tess Holliday today.

Like she was getting a pedicure.

And she was like, Oh my God, you should have said hi.

I was like, I just wanted to sit in her lap and be like,

girl, tell me your routine.

want to climb on you!

If I could snuggle against your bossom.

I bet she smells good.

She looks like one of those girls who always smells good too.

Like, I would want to nuzzle in and be like, yeah.

I used to follow a bunch of, did we follow them then?

I was on Tumblr and there was a lot of fan accounts for her.

And I used to love all of them.

so lovely.

Yeah.

Shout out to Tess Holliday.

I hope she's happy right now.

I hope she is.

I hope you're happy!

like she is.

I think she shared that she, that her husband at the time was like

very abusive or something like that,

Oh yeah, this

is now ringing a bell.

she looks even more beautiful as a result of dropping that dead weight.

So just shout out to her for being brave and sharing and like also just

being fucking gorgeous and whatever.

So, yeah, I love

Shout out to her for being gorgeous.

Shout out to all the gorgeous girlies for being gorgeous girlies.

what size.

Congratulations, you did it.

And look, I love Ariana Grande and I think she's

like too skinny right now.

But like, if you're not that skinny, that's okay.

I, I am hesitant to talk about people's weights,

but I hope that she is well.

Yeah, I hope she is well.

I hope Cynthia is well.

I hope.

The girlies have all the support and they're able to take time off.

I know that is like, grueling, schedule wise, for them to be

doing all this press.

I just, I hope they get a little bit of a break and they get to focus on self care.

I will say that whilst I am like, Oh, cause I'm like

shocked at her transition a bit.

I still love her even though she is, she's white again and that's fine.

We don't have to talk about like your weight, but we can talk about she

interview when Blackiana, or Blackianess, like, comes through.

Like, every once in a while she shows up and it's just

like, you can't lose her fully.

She's still in

was like, I'm not dating big Sean anymore.

I don't have to act like this.

He's

I was watching so many TikToks of Ariana through the years in all her eras.

And I just realized I'm like, she had banger after banger after banger.

Like she, she has not let the people down.

She's been grinding away for us, for us.

Thank you.

You've been doing it.

You have been doing it for us.

I, you know, that's interesting.

I feel like pop has made a comeback in like the music that

I'm starting to really love.

So, um, Javi is a massive Dua Lipa fan.

Oh, yes Javi!.

Okay.

Here's, let me, let me share what I love about Javi.

I'm that old person now that's like, now listen here, young blood, you'll

know nothing about this music.

Right.

I've turned into my dad and I make them listen to what I find to be

culturally relevant musically.

And I pride myself on having a very eclectic music taste.

And I know a lot of people say that, but mine is in fact, very eclectic.

And I love that about me.

That's part of, I think, um, my, my spiritualness is that

like, I find a lot of comfort in lessons and music and I love it.

So I forced them to listen to a whole bunch of shit and we'll be in the car

and the music will be all over the place.

But Dua Lipa is not on my list.

Javi introduced me to Dua Lipa.

Now, Javi likes Travis Scott.

That was me.

Um, Javi likes Fleetwood Mac.

That's me.

Has Javi introduced you to Charlie XCX?

Now listen,

I,

If I, if I, I don't think he has, but I think he would love it.

yes, I think

he would.

on, the list.

He is, that boy loves Beyonce so much.

They like Keri Hilson.

He loves SZA, which is like a big thing that we bond over, like

That's

fun.

SZA.

He likes the R& B girlies too.

And he, he does love some rap.

It is, he loves Kendrick Lamar so much.

Can he get into DochiiI?

I can't stop listening.

I'm obsessed, and here's why.

Here's why I love Dochii.

I love Glorilla.

All of them.

I love Meg the Stallion.

We had Lil Kim, oh my god, we can't even get into the importance

of her on, like, culture, right?

Can you imagine if we had like 10 people, the caliber of Lil Kim?

And I feel like right now we've got so many amazing female rap artists,

and I wish that we had them because what they're rapping about, I know

that people are like, Oh, they're rapping about is like fucking guys in

their bundles and blah, blah, maybe

Listen, I just listened to a literary analysis of WAP.

This was still related to the, uh, Robbie Williams nonsense of it all,

but like, somebody tried to come up, this was like today, so this is still

like after all that, but somebody tried to come up and be like, you

just haven't read the lyrics, like the lyrics are so powerful, like, and what

the fuck do you guys know, you're just listening to WAP, and it's like, oh, oh.

So actually, if you want to get into a lyrical analysis, let's put them head

to head and we'll start looking at them.

Yeah, let's do it.

And like how packed the lyrics are and the ownership of

sexuality and the joy.

Yes.

that's, and that's why I love Dochiii in particular,

and Glorilla, the amount of affirmation that is in the songs.

They're centering themselves and they're centering their pleasure and

they're centering their sexuality and they're centering their artistry and

their creativity and their, you know, The fulfillment of their friendships.

It's funny because I know if I were to say this to a critic, they'd be

like, Oh, really, really are there.

Yeah, they are.

They are doing that.

And that's one thing I'll fucking argue down because like

pop culture is always my shit.

When I was at UMBC, um, I can't even imagine a lifetime where

we didn't know each other.

But when I was an undergraduate at UMBC, my major was American

studies and my minor was in Africana studies, but I loved American studies

because it's basically like cultural anthropology, like on steroids.

I love it.

And my senior capstone project was literally a rhetorical analysis

of like how three six mafia,

I love this.

This is

this is me.

This is if you want to know

like my personality, how three six mafia winning the song of the year

or whatever the fuck it was, award that they won for Hustle and Flow.

Like Juicy J wrote it for Hustle and Flow and how winning that award was peak pimp

culture because we had so many references to pimpin and I'm not trying to glorify

pimpin but what I'm saying is is that it is it was an important cultural reference

to music especially hip hop and R& B so like we had like 50 Cent, P.I.M.P.

and we had all these other different songs about that particular field

of work and it was peak culture and I referenced it with actual

Yeah.

Well, what,

pimps,

what, year was that?

I was just trying to look.

hold on, we need to look it up.

That was like early 2000s, and looking back, looking back from

here now, we're like 20 years out, 20 plus years out, you're spot on,

like,

It was released in 2005.

They won an Oscar and I'm like thinking the same people

who brought us my favorite.

Don't judge me, everybody.

Slop on my knob.

We listen and we don't judge.

Also, we listen and we're like, same.

Anyway, they brought us one of the, the most

iconic hip hop albums, right?

Several of them.

And now they're on a stage in front of people they probably thought they'd

never be, like, in the same room with.

Winning a fucking Oscar for their work in hustle and flow, which in and of

itself was like a very iconic movie.

And I'm just like, I love pop culture so much and I love music and I

love the ability to like tie those

so good.

We are, we are in a golden era of women and music and artistry and

everyone just like finding their own lanes, their overlap between the two.

I really, listen, I, I think it's coming and I know this is like me

clowning, like I should get out my clown makeup and my nose, my hair.

I really think we're going to get some sort of collab with

Beyonce and Taylor Swift.

I feel so strongly that we got little Easter eggs of it last year.

Well, in 2024, with them like going to the movie premiere, showing up for each other

in these ways, I think the two biggest women in music, and I don't want to get,

thank you Beyonce.

I just want to say thank you Beyonce, um, listen, I don't need any Illuminati

coming and take me out or anything.

If something comes out in the news over the next year related

to Diddy allegations, we've heard stories and Beyonce needs to step

back into her own solo power.

I think that like the Swifties are going to be there for her.

I think the Swifties have her

would, I would say as someone who everybody knows is not a Taylor

I would say that I would love to see that for, for the both of them.

The reason why I would love that is because for the people that are constantly

trying to pin them together, I guarantee you that those two women don't give a

fuck about what none of y'all are saying.

They are probably like, I'm a bad bitch and she's a bad bitch.

Mm

They're also probably two of the only women who could actually relate to

each other in their like lives and not saying they share all the same things in

common, but Fame and money and business acumen at that level is something 99.

99999999 percent of women just don't have to tolerate and deal with.

There's not very many women I think that right now are dealing with struggles at

least on that end then they have each other's back and I love that she did So

she had country we're still waiting for taylor to do her taylor's version of her

debut album, which was country I feel like there's like some similar themes and vibes

that like may start to cross over And I think that's like also fun just talking

about genre and how much genre is made up.

They're made up boxes here I don't know.

Yeah.

Oh, speaking of which, speaking of music and boxes, et

cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Country is my least rotated genre in my music, right?.

I think it's just so lovely that everybody lost their shit for Shaboosie this year,

but I, I don't mean this to be shady.

People have been saying things along the lines of like, well, we

should not be shocked that he did not get the recognition because

he is in a typically white genre.

And I think I think it is a really interesting choice to make

your, your focus country music.

And not one that I oppose.

I think that country music exists because of black people.

I think where I was like people really is when everybody was

like, I can't believe it.

And then she didn't get the recognition that he deserves from like that shot.

And I'm like thinking like, are we really like that?

Like, especially

Beyonce couldn't get it,

you.

That was exactly what I was going to say.

And I'm thinking like, y'all,

did we?

I can't remember if we ever talked about Cowboy Carter when it came out.

But, if that did not get out.

Because that was so, I don't even know if you would, I'm not going to get into

like what genre means or whatever, I don't think I know enough about country,

but I will say that that album at its core is a dissertation on Americana,

and like, how is that not country?

yeah.

just like, if somebody's singing about like, fucking girls in low rise

jeans at the field and like drinking beers, if like that's what we're

considering country, then like, can we raise the bar like just a little bit?

But the bar is so low, of course.

Why wouldn't you want to have this be part of your genre?

Like, I

Well, I think we know why, but

yeah.

Did

where credit is due in both of their instances.

I'm not, like, surprised that people were like, Well, they're not a country artist.

Like, it doesn't matter.

Um, it doesn't matter.

Nas X ever get recognition from the country

that they pitched a fit too, didn't they?

Let's see.

Was he like Because I'm trying to think, like, is Darius

Rucker the only acceptable black

Oh, God, don't get me started.

Okay.

That was a visceral reaction.

You know what?

Okay.

Can I tell you my personal beef?

I don't, I don't care about Darius record, but here's my beef.

You can not, you can not beef with Hootie.

I can.

Okay.

You beef with Hootie?

No!

beef with it.

Here's why I'm going to beef with it.

I'm not, I can't with fucking Hooties and the whatever, and the blowfish.

Growing up where I grew up,

Everything is white.

And I don't like it.

Like, I don't like, like, that's music.

I know people will argue down, like, that it was pop or whatever.

Like, maybe, I don't give a fuck.

I don't fuck, I don't fucking care.

It is not a genre of music that I liked.

And everybody being like, YOU You don't like Hootie the Bluefish?

Because I'm supposed to like them because the lead singer is black.

Literally, like, if I had a dollar for every time a white person growing

up here in Laurel, Maryland was like, You don't like Hootie the Bluefish?

No, I fucking don't.

Cause I don't like, I don't like that genre of music.

It does not matter to me that he is black.

it shouldn't, no.

don't like it.

Sorry, my brain was just going to Post Malone doing the

cover of Only Want to Be With You.

Do you remember the Post Malone cover?

He did it recently and it was so good.

What, what is he doing?

Where, what is he up to

Well, and then I was just like,

goodbye everybody.

I'm going over to country.

He like, that was

is he?

Is he?

Okay, wait.

He's a white man, right?

I didn't know.

I don't know.

I feel like I have to cut this out.

Okay, so maybe he will be accepted.

Didn't he

just do like a, like a, um, a duet with like Morgan Wallen or something?

Oh,

that's

didn't, Morgan Wallen drop the N word like a couple of times last year?

I don't, I don't think I've ever heard one of that their songs,

but I do know the name and I do know that that feels deeply disappointing.

But if Beyonce still fucks with him,

Post Malone or Morgan Wallen?

Post Malone.

I don't want anybody fucking with Morgan Wallen.

Ew.

But he, but like, he was on the Halftime Show with

her, and I love Levi's jeans.

It's so good.

Every time I'm like, looking at jeans, I'm always like, denim on denim on denim on

denim.

Ugh.

So this guy's so gross.

I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

That's me.

Who's so gross?

Are you looking at Post Malone?

I really, I feel affection towards that man.

Like what kind?

Like no,

hoo!

I can't with him.

Shout out to my friend David St.

John who also grew up in Syracuse and told me all about Post Malone before

like Post Malone got to where he was now.

And I was like, I don't understand what's happening in pop culture, but.

He's still here.

So I guess David was right.

Yeah,

I don't know.

I, my point is like, let people like what they like.

Right.

But like also like, don't force me to like Hootie and the Blowfish.

I'm not going to do it.

it does cycle all the way back around, though, because Posty is another

one of our bridges between Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, because they both had

him featured on their albums this year.

Or last year, 2024.

Yeah, he did, he was on both of them.

So, I don't know, maybe that was a little Easter egg they were leaving for us.

would not, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

And I think it would be great for both of them to do.

I

wouldn't be surprised at all.

I would be shocked if they did not collaborate at some point in time.

At some point,

Especially because like they were both like touring at the same time and

people were making so many comparisons and like, I mean, I'm sure you all can

all guess like who I find to be, um, more in line with like my creative, whatever.

However.

Both of them are undeniably popular and they have so much crossover

in terms of like their fan bases, whether people like that or not.

And I feel like

regardless of whether or not you like them, anything that they do is

going to be well received and why not

yeah, and anything that they do, I think it's also going

to be immaculately well done.

Like, these are not women that take shortcuts and just put out slop

for the sake of putting out slop.

They both take their artistic work very seriously.

I think that might be what might take longer, is that they both,

I think, have such clear vision.

And perfectionists.

yeah,

yeah, and like the getting aligned on the same vision might be tricky.

Well, either way, I love, I love both our, our leading ladies.

I'm looking forward to see what the new year will bring musically.

okay, let's talk about, let's talk about goals and learning, right?

For context, when I turned 40, I told myself that I would

do more things in my 40th year of life that made me uncomfortable.

And boy, did I, there are a lot of things.

I don't even want to list them all and I continue that into 41.

I'm 41 now.

I normally don't have resolutions.

I don't believe in being like I'm going to do this seemingly

impossible thing over the next year.

I do believe in being like, these are some things I would like for myself

and then taking action, but I don't tie my self worth to the direct outcome.

I think it's a thing that I have to take day by day because if I make

it too grandiose, I'll fall flat.

So one of the things that I'm trying to continue doing that I've done in some

years past, it's just doing things for the sake of doing it for experiencing them.

And some of them are things that like I have a deeper interest in.

So like writing.

So like my, my, I have three like major things and writing was one last year

and it continues to be one this year.

Um, I want to be more disciplined about it this year by writing more often.

And so I'm going to start doing like morning pages as suggested by the book,

The Artist's Way, which by the way, Dochii used, but a lot of people swear

by the method of the artist's way and inviting that creativity, as a daily

spiritual practice into your life.

So that's like a thing that I'm going to do.

And I have a lovely woman that I know that I think we're going to be accountability

buddies for our, our writing.

The second thing that I really, really, really want to do is take vocal lessons.

So, um, fun fact about me when I was in high school, I did a lot of singing.

I was not a sports girlie.

I was more like artsy fartsy.

And I did chorus and choir and all these other different things.

And my voice is not a bad voice.

It's actually, it's pretty decent but I also smoked Newports for like 10 years.

You, they brought you down a whole octave.

Yeah, no, like legitimately.

I used to be like a first soprano.

Yeah, I don't, not anymore.

And I didn't quit smoking until I met my now ex husband, Will, when I

started dating Will, he was basically like dang girl, you're the shit, but

like you smoke and you need to stop.

And I was like, okay.

And I never took him seriously until one day he was like, if you don't

stop, I'm going to break up with you.

And obviously I loved Will more than smoking.

So I did, I quit.

And it's one of the best things I could have done was quit.

So shout out to Will for making me quit smoking.

Like I could never pick up a cigarette again, today.

I'm like disgusted by it.

I'm like, people are still smoking?

Like I can't, but it wrecked my voice badly, among other things.

And not, not to mention just like energetically the way like things

have affected my throat chakra.

And as a part of continuing to speak my truth and be in alignment

in my truth, singing is always really therapeutic for me.

And One of the goals I have is to eventually do karaoke or some

kind of performance to help combat that, like that fear being seen

that we're always discussing.

And I think I can do it.

I just need some refinement.

I want to know what my voice sounds like and how I can embrace

it and make it better and what kind of music my voice is for.

Like I have a very specific like, yeah, so I'm looking for a vocal

instructor of some kind or a vocal coach of some kind to help me with that.

And also because I hate vocal fry and I noticed that some vocal

fry is creeping into my voice.

I hate vocal fry and I don't want it.

So I'm trying to be very mindful about that.

And I think it could be very healing for my third chakra to, to like dedicate

some time really intentionally using it and using music to, to heal it.

So that's an exciting, like little goal that I have.

That, I love that.

So that's, that's definitely a thing.

So if anybody knows anybody local in the DMV, and I want to do them in person.

I don't want to do Zoom lessons.

I want

Yeah, I feel like you need somebody, because I feel like so much

of it is breath and placement, and like, not corrupted by sound, and

also that's gonna be like part of the point of it, is like, singing in

front of another human being in that

That's it.

It's because I think that fear so like this goes very hand in hand

with my astral place it placement So I'm a Leo moon and I'm a Leo rising

And I like I laugh when I say it cuz I'm like and dissect everybody knows in the

fucking Leos.

fucking Leo's but the thing is with a Leo moon Is that that

fear of like never being seen or not being recognized like wanting to be?

Wanting to be recognized for your talent or for something that you're,

that you're good at or whatever.

And like not ever quite feeling like you are.

Right.

And I'm just like, I need to stop.

I don't want to wait for other people ever to validate me.

I want to validate me always.

And that's a big thing for me that I feel like I have been doing successfully in the

past few years, but this is a big thing.

And the reason why is, is because I have loved to sing since I was a little kid.

And there have been a couple of times where like, Have the opportunity to do

solos and the solos went fine, but I looked fucking terrified while I did it.

So

everybody was like, girl, are you okay?

Were you crying during your soul?

No, bitch.

I was just sweating buckets like that.

I don't want to do that.

First of all, there are so many people out here who are

embarrassing themselves all the time

It's true.

purpose.

Because it's, it brings people joy or it's funny or whatever.

I don't want to worry about other people's perception of my talent.

I want to do my talent because it brings me joy to do.

And I feel like that goes very hand in hand with what a lot of other people

are doing that like that are, whether it's embarrassing or not, or they have

a massive goal of being famous or not.

I don't, I'm not trying to be famous.

I'm trying to be comfortable with myself.

And I think that that's what I admire about people who are willing

to be like silly and unhinged.

I don't, I don't know if you're specifically talking about

one person that I have in mind here.

I kind of feel like you are and I love her and

she is actually like, okay, wait, she's on my vision board for 2025 but

Trisha Paytas.

Oh, you know her.

the name sounds super familiar.

Trisha has been on like the most side quests.

I feel like she is our generation's Forrest Gump.

She was in

Oh, what is

back in the day.

Like she's everywhere.

She doesn't give a fuck what people say.

She does whatever she wants.

She's hustling.

She said like years ago on a podcast, she's like, I want to be on SNL one day.

She was just on SNL a few weeks

Oh, she did like a

did like a little cameo, like a little cameo thing.

But

who she is, but like,

I do remember that.

and she like for so long, I feel like she was a punchline.

Like she was a punchline on her own YouTube content.

Like she had content with another guy and like she was always the punchline of it.

And she was fine with it.

Like, I feel like she has such strength in knowing who she is that

she doesn't give a fuck what people

that's really where I'm trying to get.

That's, that's

she's just like collecting side quests and like leveling

up every stage of her life.

And I'm like,

And I feel like the reason why that happens.

Is truly because until you stop giving a fuck you're gonna block a lot of

blessings and I don't mean like stop giving a fuck about like the things that

you're supposed to give a fuck about.

I mean like if you are looking to satisfy other people's perception

of you and like what what they think you should be like I feel like you

do block your blessings in that way.

I feel like you block love.

I feel like you block success.

I feel like you block money.

Those are things that you block.

And I am, I am in the zone right now at 41 years old.

I get why old people get unhinged and they start talking shit and

they don't care like what they say.

You get so tired of people or society at large telling you what you are

supposed to be like, that you're just like, I don't give a fuck.

One day you've had enough.

And you lose it and you just start talking shit.

Now I have always loved to talk shit, but I feel like I need

to talk shit more publicly.

My Aunt used to say when she turned 50, she was

going to remove the filter.

And like, she did.

First of all, she, she is the kind of person who like, Even before

she removed the filter, we were always like, there's a filter there.

straight, like, she has the craziest stories.

She's a woman who's like, I'm going to remove my filter.

And honestly, since she's done that, I think, and I don't

know, this isn't my life.

But she seems happier.

She seems like she's enjoying things more.

She's not doing things that she doesn't enjoy.

She found love.

I think she just sort of was like, I'm going to step into my own thing.

And if I am alone, fine, at least I'm going to be happy with what that is.

nail on the head because let me tell you what I saw this thing the

other day like, you know, how people are always like, oh, you'll, you'll

find love when you least expect it.

And someone replied.

Yeah, I think this is true because what ends up happening is that

you're just kind of like, fuck it.

I'm going to center myself.

And you grow yourself in all the ways that, you would want someone

to invest in you, you invest in you.

Right.

And that magnetism that comes from that, that you cultivate, while you're

focusing and making yourself like the number one priority, as opposed

to someone else or trying to find love, that attracts something that's

more in alignment with what you want.

I think that that is super, super true.

I'm not doing this to attract that I'm doing it because like, I deserve that.

But like, if that's a by product, awesome.

Um,

Yeah, whatever, whatever comes.

And it makes sense, right?

Because if you're constantly beating back a piece of yourself, or you're, you're

not indulging in a piece of yourself, whether it's the singing, whether it's

writing, whatever it is, if you're not indulging in that piece of yourself,

then anybody who's coming across you isn't coming across the full you anyway.

So of course, you're not going to be happy with the relationship

that blossoms from there.

Or maybe you will be for a short amount of time.

But that person who's getting into the relationship isn't the fullest you.

Yeah, and I, and I think that you start to realize how exhausting it is for

you to mask who you are from other people.

I will say this about my marriage to Will.

I never masked shit in front of Will.

I always say, Will, and I from the gate will and I were unhinged together.

I had just broken up with my ex girlfriend, very tumultuous relationship.

And I was like, in this, like, I don't give a fuck what you think

kind of phase, but that was the best phase I could have been in to find,

um, my person, because it was like, I'm just going to act like whatever.

And you like it.

Great.

If not.

Okay.

Move along, keep it

And like, and Will, I think was also in that phase because he

was like newly divorced and whatever.

And so like, it's funny because we were each other's rebounds.

Like, like,

that's, that was a long rebound

even date anybody longer than like six to nine months prior to Will.

Will and I were together for, uh, 14 years.

And you made two beautiful little boys.

best things I could have ever asked for in this lifetime, these kids

and, um, you know, there are plenty of days where I still want to choke Will out,

cause like while we co parent, but also Will and I are still very good friends.

Because we were so ourselves with each other that like, that was

what our marriage was based on was our friendship with each other.

So like, I always, always unhinged in front of him, like ridiculous,

the same way that y'all see me here.

And like, you don't even see like, like if you knew how unhinged.

We edit out the worst of it, don't you worry,

Vienna be working.

the, the best, not the worst, the best of it.

We don't, we can't just give that away, we can't give that away for

Vienna will be like, girl, are you sure you want to?

And I'll be like, yeah, maybe we should cut that.

Like I am out of control and I was like that from the get go with

Will, but Will was also like that.

And so like people would be like, oh my God, look at these two

fools and like we had the best time, you know, till we didn't.

We had the best time together, but I'm very much like that's the zone that

I want to continue to stay in, except with, with the wisdom and the knowledge

that you get when, as you get older.

Right.

So like, I feel like all the writing, all of like the singing, like all of those

things are for, not for me to become more performative, but for me to get really,

really comfortable in self expression.

And really like tap into that.

That's a huge thing for me because there is a spiritual tie to it for me for sure.

Like that's super, super important.

My third goal is like getting back into spiritual business related things,

because I will maintain this forever, whether or not I ever make a dime

from being anybody's spiritual guide and anything is, it doesn't matter.

It's what I'm here to do.

And I don't think that it always is going to look like a specific Reiki

session or a tarot session or whatever.

Um, not to be like, but like, if you know me and I'm your friend,

you know, that, you know, that I'm healing, like, that's it.

And for me to continue to do that, um, because I'm, I'm a luminary.

I'm, I'm my big three and beyond is all like sun and moon like ruled.

And I am telling you that like, I'm here to absolutely show you, both what your

shadowy parts are but also how they aid to like the most beautiful parts of yourself.

That's my third goal is to do that for myself and for other people and I feel

like it's really helpful to do that by diving into some of the things that

you're scared about so like I like right now performing in front of a whole

bunch of people seems like a fucking nightmare Someone reading something

that I wrote sounds scary as fuck.

But it's important for for me to do.

It is an unfortunate nature of my lifetime in this in this lifetime on

Earth that my growth comes through a lot of discomfort but also like here

I am on a fucking podcast with one of my best friends a million years after

Well isn't that what we learned?

Isn't that what we learned about like our north nodes?

I

were like yeah, there's are in Gemini And like

we have to like reconcile that side of ourself

where we're willing to be, to

It's my, my North note is in Gemini and my Chiron is in Gemini.

So it is, it is the wound that I meant to heal in this lifetime is to allow myself

to be heard or to be seen or whatever.

And when you think about like the possibility of what it means to

like, show yourself, you feel a weight of responsibility of like,

who do I want to present myself as?

And not another version, but like, how can I show you my truest self, my truest form,

my most true wishes for other people?

Like, I feel like those things are big.

Meanwhile, it's so funny because like, I know this is going totally off the

rails, but , it's somewhat relevant.

One of the things that , I have been struggling with my entire adult life

is how invalidating it feels like to not know what my work strength

is and so I jokingly will say like, yeah, I'm a personality hire and

like I legit am a personality hire.

Like people do not hire.

I, I am, and I think that should be a selling point for personality

Yeah, one thing I'm gonna do I'm gonna make you feel good about coming

to work like Don't I want to be at work?

Like I I

like my, my team at work, I adore them and I know that they'd be like,

girl, Crystal is a mess often enough.

Right.

But also I know that they know that if there's a problem and

there is a way that I can help, I'm going to try to figure it out.

Let me help you feel good so that you're doing the best job you can here at work.

That's like a huge, huge thing for me.

That's my shit.

I want you to feel good about where you are so that you can

move through your day with ease.

Every time I get like a comment from a boss or something like that, it would be

like people really love coming to your office and you're so helpful and people

are always commenting that they feel great about their interactions with you.

And I'm like, that's fantastic.

That makes me really happy.

I attribute that to my Leo moon and rising that like, you are comfortable because

I want to show you, you, I'm like, oh my God, I'm so happy you're in my office.

You're talking to me about your weekend.

I am straight up a personality hire.

And I'm always like, is that the worst thing in the world?

I know that like the dot com of it all was a big old mess and we

shouldn't go back to that business model.

But I do kind of wish we could go back to the day that there were

people that were hired and paid well just to make sure everyone in

the office was having a good time.

Bring back employee experience that's not HR.

Just have somebody be like, let's cater some fun lunches.

Let's do

that's your admin y'all.

And that's what I do.

admin.

That is your admin.

but that also, admins have so much more to do that like they can't

focus just on the vibes all the time,

my team would attest.

By the way, Alyssa.

Who I mentioned on the podcast, like a couple of weeks ago, I was so

happy that she like, let me do that.

Cause I adore that girl.

I adore all of them.

They really are like the shit that my entire team, and if they ever

listened to this, I hope that you hoes are listening and you know

how much I absolutely adore you.

But anyway, they will, they know, and Alyssa will tell you like that,

like I was like swimming in work and it was like spirit week at work.

The week before, like, two weeks before Christmas.

And I'm like, I don't have time to worry about a Santa sweater right now.

I got all this shit to do.

So, like, I am in a bad mood because, like, are having these morale

events that are a part of our job.

That's a part of, like, You know, making everybody happy in our team and I, it

is the last thing I want to fucking do and just shout out to the people who

really have to do things like that to make the morale and keep it high who

are like, but also I've got like a million travel vouchers I have to do.

And I have like budget shit I have to do like.

I'm sure if you were able to just focus on the vibes and the spirit

week of it all, like, you would love that, like, that would be so much fun.

You'd kill it.

But yeah, shout out to the people who have like paperwork

and then like morale work.

Can I tell you what I signed up for for this year?

I

the tea.

What did you sign up

for?

Because I know

I didn't even tell you this.

This is new.

I didn't even tell you this.

I did this very quietly.

I signed up for a year long cohort on telling your story, basically.

So, it's with Chelsea Devantez, who, uh, she has the Glamorous Trash podcast.

I, she's an incredible writer.

She, uh, opened a cohort that it la it lasts the entire year.

It's very cool.

So you start with finding your story the first quarter of the year.

And then the second part is writing your story.

Then it goes into pitching the story and then like making the story and

putting the creative vision together.

So she's like she's worked in TV writing and that sort of stuff So

I love

coming from and there's people in this cohort who are gonna

be like Wanting to write screenplays wanting to write novels and people who

are just doing it like as branding.

All sorts of different things um And when I had to reflect on it, I was like,

what am I hoping to get out of this?

I had to like answer the question.

And I was like, I don't want to be embarrassed.

No, I want to state it in the positive.

I want to feel confident telling people that I have creative passions

that I want to pursue that I have at the surface have no business pursuing

because it's always been a goal of mine.

And I, I know this sounds stupid because what is a mom in Massachusetts

who's middle aged know about this?

But I've always wanted to write a screenplay.

I've always wanted to write a TV show.

Even if it goes nowhere, even if I just have that screenplay

in my computer, that's fine,

you know how hard it is to write things?

Writing is hard.

So like, can you imagine like you holding that stack of paper

and being like, I fucking wrote, I wrote this and then flopping

and even, Even if no one ever wants to see it, even if there's nothing

I can do from being in Massachusetts, almost 40 years old, having never done

it before, I want to be fine with that and I want to be confident telling people

like, Oh yeah, I'm working on this.

It's fun.

This is the story that I want to tell.

I love that so

I think it's a little, I'm still, I'm not confident yet.

I

which is crazy because if y'all have heard some of the stories that Vienna

told, like, tells like outside of this podcast, um, she's got some good ones.

Like,

I know, they're not publicly appropriate.

it's that Capricorn, damn it.

I think that's why a screenplay has always really appealed to me, because

you could tell those stories and it's not your mouth saying it, it's the characters.

Yeah, I wanna see, I feel like your life in a sitcom would be amazing.

Oh, I think that, like, what appealed to me about this, and I,

I feel like it's similar for the things that you're setting up, too.

These are things that we're learning and goals that aren't necessarily tied to any

specific outcome, which I think is new.

It's new for this phase of life, like, 10 years ago, I think I would have

been like, my goal is to write a novel.

It's to write this thing and now I'm like, I don't like, I don't know

what the outcome is going to be, but the goal is to just try something

new to learn something new and to

be outta your comfort zone a little bit.

You don't know what you can do until you start to kind of push

past your comfort zone a little bit.

I think for particularly for people like you and me who are hard on themselves,

you spend a lot of the first half of your life really trying to set yourself

up for the second half of life, right?

Then you kind of get here and you're like wait a minute.

I would like to try some things I haven't done before, but I've

always been interested in this.

And then you realize like, actually, I really like these things.

And you just want to know, you just want to know if you could do it.

Yeah, and to realize that.

it's not that serious.

You don't have to blow up your whole life to try something new.

You could try something new and it could be silly and you could like it or you

could not like it or you could be really good at it or you could just meet new

people and explore a new side of you that becomes kind of ushered into the rest of

Like when Aunt Viv did the

of yourself.

Do you.

remember that

Yeah.

Do I remember that?

I, I do.

Listen, sometimes I think that there is spirit in the algorithm because

that clip comes on my FYP at least once a week, usually in my saddest,

lowest moments, and I watch the whole thing through every single time.

So yes, is spirit in the algorithm?

Spirit's all around us.

Why not?

way, I didn't get any robot content after our last episode.

Well, that was

shocked.

didn't either.

Now that we put it out there, we'll see.

So I think our challenge, set an objective, maybe not necessarily

a goal, but where do you settle your gaze for the year?

It doesn't have to be, You know, any one specific thing, maybe it's just,

I'm going to set, settle my gaze on the intention of finding more joy.

Of eating more nourishing foods of,

Seeking more community, being like,

yeah, it

doesn't have to

Like, there are so many things.

And yeah, and just try, try new things.

Try something new.

I tried something new recently.

It is the grilled cheese burrito from Taco Bell.

Have you tried it?

know what?

Okay,

it

you'll get mad at me immediately going to Google.

it has crunchy strips inside.

It's sort of like if they like just burritoed a Crunchwrap Supreme,

but there's like grilled cheese on

Bruh, that looks good as shit.

It is good.

So that was something new I tried.

Oh my god, you

And I will be taking it with

you think

that we're not still absolutely in love with Taco Bell and

Cheesecake Factory, we are.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's, I mean, I still fuck with

Hell yeah.

For my 40th birthday, which will be next year, 2026, I'm going on a

mission trip, a spiritual mission trip.

I'm going to, um, go to the flagship cheesecake factory.

If I have to crawl on my hands and knees as a missionary, I will, but

I'm going to be ringing in my 40th birthday on my spiritual pilgrimage

to the OG Cheesecake Factory.

I can't wait to share some calamari and also some

southwestern egg rolls with you.

I was about to say, we gotta hit up the egg rolls.

And then top it off with a tiramisu cheesecake,

I'm gonna fuck with the red velvet cheesecake, I think.

That's like what I'm really jazzed for.

I want to get a full one for my birthday.

The whole cheesecake.

I want them to bring it over and sing happy birthday, but the whole cheesecake.

and I think we should also make sure there's a plentiful

amount of the brown bread with it.

Oh, yeah.

I think that should be like You know you go to a fancy wedding and

they hand you champagne as you walk

Hand me the

I want them to Yeah, and like a big, uh margarita like I I want a fistful.

I don't, I like, honestly, I'm good in the champagne.

Hand me the bread.

Hand

I want a bread and a margarita Um, so I I mean I think it's really

important to dream big set your sights and your goals really high and that's

that's where i'm dreaming of welcoming in that new decade of my life next

I love that.

What a blessing.

I hope that people out there, like if you're determining like what your,

your steez is going to be for the year, I hope that it suits you, that

it is something that you want to do for your own wellbeing and not something

that you're doing because you think it's what you're supposed to be doing.

Like, what do you really want to do?

I think at our age, it's very easy, especially if you're in the

beginning of this journey to not even really know what you like to do anymore

like not really know what brings you joy.

That took me the last couple years were really dedicated to figuring that out.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I really thought I was going to be an electrician for a minute there I thought

I don't know it was You Like, I'm telling you, it wasn't a linear path.

Um,

We had a dollar for every time I was like, I should just stop

and go back to school for welding.

You're like,

I was like, I really should be an electrician.

Like, I think that's where I don't know.

Shout out to women who are electricians because good for you.

Bad bitches.

For sure.

But start with the little things that bring you joy.

Like I remember going back and being like, the thing that I've always

loved is listening to podcasts.

So like, how can I do more of that?

Mm hmm.

The things I've loved as a kid were just hiding my room and

reading and how can I do more of that?

So find those, even those little

The little joys in

your everyday.

Things that you wish you had more time to do and like, maybe it's carving

out a little bit more time to do them.

You gotta start with the littlest things though.

Take that first step and start unraveling that thread, seeing

what comes next, what comes next.

And it doesn't happen all at once, but you just gotta start by trying

You got to try things.

And it's it's okay to do them without the expectation that

you're going to be amazing at it.

Do things for the sake of doing them.

Not because you want to be good at them right away.

There's so much joy to be had in you taking the pressure off of yourself.

We have what we feel like is such a limited free time these days.

And I totally get that.

I feel like that all the time.

I'm like, who the fuck am I to be sitting down here with a

journal and pens to draw anything?

There's so much that I have to do.

But if you don't take that time, you will literally lose your shit.

You have to allow yourself some moments for play and development and rest.

Those things are what is keeping you alive.

And they are your active resistance when everything else is kind of shit.

In honor of that, I will ask you, what do you think would

be your ideal karaoke joyful song?

That once you've worked with your vocal coach, what's the first song

you think you want to try singing?

Let

I always say that it's going to be, uh, Too Short's Blow

the Whistle, but probably not.

Valerie by the, the Amy Winehouse version of Valerie would be

That's a great choice.

because I love, I love it.

It's my, it's my, uh, it's a big time joy for me.

I got that on vinyl recently and been listening to it a lot.

I think my karaoke song, and now I'm wondering if, I

mean, have we canceled this?

I don't know if it's problematic or not, but Fleetwood Mac Gypsy.

Yeah.

I feel like that would be a really fun one to do at karaoke.

would I would like to see that.

Yeah.

Um, do you want to pull a

I Do

moved too?

I am going to be pulling from the Animal Spirit Oracle Deck by

Kim Kranz, who makes these Tarot and Oracle Decks that I absolutely adore.

Many of them centered on nature and the elements like that.

I just love them.

I feel like she puts so much heart into them.

Asking that spirit bless us with a message as we move into this new calendar year.

That's a message that we all collectively can benefit from.

Ooh, octopus.

Our card is octopus.

Reaching, yearning, lacking boundaries and direction.

The octopus signifies a wonderfully perceptive mind paired with

a lack of healthy boundaries.

Unfortunately, this results in well intended but messy relationships.

The octopus entwines itself into other people's business and shares

their own without restraint.

They believe that that is what it means to be close.

If you notice after spending time with someone that you feel drained or uneasy,

the essence of Octopus is at play.

Begin to establish healthy boundaries, be patient and firm, and it may

be a very old habit to change.

So when this is in balance, you're feeling interested, you're engaged, you're

feeling intelligent, Out of balance, um, needy, clinging, or lacking courage.

To bring it into balance, give yourself space to talk to

yourself, um, or to your therapist.

A little, a little top of the year reminder for good

boundaries is always needed.

Yeah, I love that.

do.

Love you.

you can find Crystal at CrysTheMystic on Instagram.

I'm, uh, goodstorybranding on Instagram, and you can find us

everywhere for Healing Happy Hour Pod.

Make sure to email to get your little giveaway goodie of a new year

inventory, a little bit of guided prompts there to set yourself up, right.

You can email us for that or just comment or DM us anywhere.

But if you want to email us, it's healinghappyhourpod at gmail.

com.

And we'd love to send that over to you.

And we love you.

Yeah.

Bye.