Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver: Gretchen Staebler on Returning Home to Care for Her Mother

Artwork for podcast Life on Repeat: A Dementia Caregiver Podcast

Episode 42 • 31st October 2022 • Life on Repeat: A Dementia Caregiver Podcast • Laura Vaillancourt

📝 Episode Overview:

In this honest and deeply relatable episode, Laura speaks with Gretchen Staebler, author of Mother Lode: Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver. Gretchen shares what it was like to return to her childhood home to care for her 96-year-old mother—after 36 years of “comfortable distance.” Together, they explore identity, self-care, and the raw truth of what it means to show up in the messiness of caregiving.

👤 Meet Gretchen Staebler:

Gretchen Staebler is a writer, blogger, and family caregiver who left her life on the East Coast to move home and companion her mother through the final years of life. With a background in counseling, she thought she might be prepared—but her journey was anything but predictable. Her memoir, Mother Lode: Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver, is a heartfelt, humorous, and raw account of what it really means to step into the role of caregiver.

📌 Topics Discussed:

Long-distance to live-in caregiving transitions
Unexpected emotional dynamics with aging parents
Caregiver survival tools: routines, writing, yoga, and gratitude
Why storytelling and journaling can be transformational
Reclaiming identity while caregiving
The power of naming your experience to regain control

⏱️ Timestamps (Approximate):

00:00 – Introduction and meeting Gretchen Staebler

01:40 – Returning home after decades to care for her mother

04:15 – What caregiving looked like (and what her counseling degree didn’t prepare her for)

06:25 – How she stayed grounded: yoga, writing, routines, and gratitude

10:55 – Creating a writing group as a lifeline

13:35 – Naming and tracking daily caregiving experiences

16:42 – The emotional complexity of caring for an aging parent

20:25 – What she learned about herself during the caregiving journey

25:00 – Finding humor and lightness amid grief

29:10 – Writing her memoir and sharing her story

32:30 – Encouragement for other caregivers

💡 Key Takeaways:

You don’t have to feel “ready” to step into caregiving—it’s okay to be reluctant
Writing can be a healing tool, especially during chaotic seasons
Maintaining personal routines (even small ones) creates stability
Humor and honesty are powerful survival skills
You’re allowed to have complicated feelings and still be a loving caregiver

📚 Resources Mentioned: