If you are looking for a life coaching or a business coaching methodology that enables you to get efficient and effective results for your clients session by session, then the Demartini Method will be worth investigating. Here’s why.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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So the Demartini method is designed

to help you balance your perceptions,

own what you see in others,

and allow you to not have the world on

the outside run you, but you run you.

If you work in the service industry,

as a coach, consultant, a mentor,

somebody that's involved in assisting

other people in maximizing potential or

achieving things, or possibly

helping in the health industry even,

there's some ideas I'd like to share with

you today that's going to help you in

doing so. I've been working in that area,

you might say for about,

clinically for about 46 years,

and I've been teaching

for 52 years almost, so

I've been involved in that service

industry for quite a while,

and I've been developing methodologies

and tools that can assist people in

maximizing their own,

as well as other people's fulfillment

in life or achievements in life.

So I'd like to share with

you some of those tools,

some of those principles that I've

found to be very powerful. First of all,

if you're a coach or

consultant or somebody that,

you will find that as you're

working with somebody,

and let's say that you're starting with

a client that's working in the business,

but you might find out that the issues

that they have deal with conflict between

people inside the company

or between departments.

Or they may have conflict with their

spouse at home or their kids at home,

or maybe some client that

they've had to deal with.

And so you're dealing with

conflict resolution in some cases.

Or sometimes you're having differences

of superiority and inferiority and

judgments going on. Not just

conflicts, but judgments,

and power struggles that go on

when you're in that industry.

Or health issues that

are a result of that.

And sometimes it's socially,

there are people that they're afraid to

do something in their business because

they're afraid of the social

impact, the fear of rejection,

or breaking some sort of moral and ethical

ideas that's of somebody that they've

given power to, that

authority, spiritual or other.

Or possibly they have a health

issue that they're facing,

not just psychological, but a health

issue and they're distracted by it,

and they're consumed by it, and

they're doubting themselves.

Almost anybody that's had

a back that's gone out,

a sore back or something like that,

sometimes notice confidence goes down.

So when you're coaching and

consulting and serving people,

there are many different

avenues that are coming around.

Even though you may be in a business

coach or a life coach or a health coach,

the other areas of life are also

going to be superimposed on that,

and they're going to relate to it. I've

been consulting for people, I don't,

I haven't called it coaching,

but I'm sort of coaching

consulting for many years,

and I've seen that whole spectrum.

I've seen people literally in every

one of the seven areas of life,

their spiritual quest, their

intellectual development, their business,

their finance, their family, their social,

their physical health and wellbeing,

all of them have had parameters that

are involved when you're trying to help

them break through

limitations and achieve.

So over the years I've been

working on how do we solve that?

How do we help people break

through those boundaries,

the ceilings that they've

got themselves in?

And I put together tools to do that.

And one of them is I call

the Demartini Method.

And I'd like to share with you how that

might just be of help to you and how it

could be a help to you in your

consulting service or business service or

whatever service you're in. First of all,

there are a number of principles on human

behavior that I've been accumulating

all these years that I've incorporated

into this methodology. For instance,

you know, the old saying what

you point your finger at,

you got three fingers pointing back.

That's a truism that I've

found sound over the years.

And I found out that no matter what

you see in other people, you've got.

And that's hard to believe and

hard for people to appreciate.

Our addiction to being proud and

right sometimes makes us not want to,

you know, face the truth reflectively

of what we see around us, inside us.

But we only resent things on the

outside that represent parts of us we're

ashamed of on the inside,

that we're dodging and

avoiding and dissociating from

and putting on a facade of

pride to cover it up. And they're

reminding us of something we don't like,

that's why we don't like

them and resent them.

And we put them down because we

don't want them to remind us of that.

And the same thing when we admire people.

It's not that we don't have what

we admire in them. We have it,

but we're too humble to admit it.

As long as we're too proud or too humble

to admit what we see in others inside

us, they're going to distract us.

We've all had moments where we've been

resentful to somebody and had difficulty

sleeping at night, affecting our health,

and therefore our

performance and productivity.

Or we've been highly

infatuate somebody and again,

been distracted by impulses and

couldn't get them out of our mind.

Anything we infatuate or resent occupies

space and time in our mind and runs us.

Anything we balance, we get to

manage and we are more governed.

But if we have an imbalanced

ratio perception and we

are too proud or too humble

to admit what we see in others

inside us, and we're judging them,

we're not going to perform at our

peak. So in the Demartini Method,

I've developed a system of

asking very accountable questions

to help you reflect. Pure

reflective awareness is liberating.

But deflective awareness where you're

too proud or too humble to admit what you

see in others inside you, where you

deflect it and disown it and dismember it,

you don't remember that part of yourself

and try to hide it, is disempowering.

And you'll just keep repeating and keep

recycling those events in your life

that's related to that. You know,

you keep trying to avoid a certain

type of person in your life,

but they're actually there to give you

an insight about what you're not loving

in yourself. Not appreciating yourself.

Everybody on the outside is

actually a feedback to guide you,

to love all those parts that

they represent inside you.

So giving yourself permission to

look and reflect is very important.

So in the method I basically ask you,

all right, what specific trait, action,

or inaction,

do you perceive this individual displaying

or demonstrating that you admire most

or despise most? And again, this could

be somebody who's a spouse or children,

it could be some social friend or enemy,

it could be somebody that's working in

the company in a different department,

or maybe some employer, or some employer,

it could be somebody who's a client,

a vendor. I mean, it has

many applications, socially,

physically, et cetera.

Could even be your health

professional, or your teacher,

or your spiritual guide or

your counselor or whatever,

anybody you could have these emotions to.

And unless you know how to own the

traits of them, they're going to run you.

Because anything you don't own inside

yourself runs you until you do.

So it's interesting as you go in

there and what specific trait, action,

or inaction do I perceive this individual

displaying or demonstrating that I

admire most or despise most? Either

one of them can distract you.

The two distractions are impulses

towards, and instincts away,

from people that we judge. Then you go

and ask a really interesting question.

Go to a moment where and when you perceive

yourself displaying or demonstrating

the same specific trait,

action or inaction that you

admired or despised in them.

Now at first you're going to be

too proud to admit you do that.

'I don't do that.

I pride myself on not doing that,' or

'I don't do it as much as them' and I'm

too humble to admit it. But

you have to go past the facade,

the little imposter syndrome

that you wear, and dig deep.

And I've gone through this and I've done

it on thousands and thousands of people

and I assure you what you've

see in others, you got.

You're not missing anything. You're just

too proud or too humble to admit it.

So by going in there and

actually neutralizing that

and finding out where you've

done that in your life kind of helps you

resolve some of the judgment you have

on them, because who you to judge

them if you're doing the same thing?

So that levels the playing field and

takes the impulses and instincts out and

puts the executive center

functioning back in.

And so now you're back on

track with priority and

you're now more productive and

more meaningful life,

more fulfilling life.

Otherwise you're distracted by judgments

that weigh you down, gravitationally.

So then on top of that, you could

go even further. And by the way,

I did a really interesting

study 40 years ago.

I went to the Oxford English

Dictionary and I identified 4,628

traits that were identifiable

in that dictionary.

And then I went through each one and I

wrote out to the side on the dictionary,

who do I know that represents that

trait to the fullest and most extreme

example?

And then I went inside myself and I owned

it until I saw it to the degree of the

most extreme individual. And I

found I had every one of them.

I was nice and mean and kind and cruel

and positive and negative and up and down

and, you know,

supportive and challenging and peaceful

and wrathful and honest and dishonest.

I had every one of the traits when I

looked really truthfully at myself.

And that was real eyeopening,

because whatever you deny in yourself

is something somebody's going to push a

button about. And you'll be

hooked. If you're in relation,

you'll keep being hooked by the same

type of personality that hooks you,

or resent certain people all the time

that keep reminding you of what you're

disowning. Any disowned

part disempowers you.

So if you're working with a client,

this is very valuable to

help them understand what

they're judging in others and

then themselves, and what

they're actually deflecting.

And then go and have them

own it. Once they own it,

it softens the judgments out.

It's quite amazing how it happens.

Just dissolves part of it away. And

then if you can go even further and go,

okay, once you see the trait

you admire in somebody and ask,

now go to a moment where you see that,

you perceive that and see them in

that moment, and in that moment,

what's the downside to it? Or if you're

resenting them, what's the upside to it?

And you ask counterbalancing question,

what's the upside to

what you think is down,

and what's the down to what you

think is up, and you balance it out.

And you don't make anything up, you

don't, you know, just fake it, you look.

And then you'll discover

there is no trait, action,

or inaction that doesn't

have two sides. You know,

when you first admire somebody

and you really think, wow,

they're really intelligent. And then you

find out, well, they like to be right,

they're argumentative, they

think they know everything,

they don't listen very well. You find

out the trait you admire also has traits,

or aspects you dislike.

And the trait you dislike,

sometimes they're courageous enough to

not be worried about what people think,

and they're being integral and

they're just saying it like it is,

and you don't like that maybe.

But then you can benefit from that 'cause

it frees you up to be integral in your

life. So you'll find out that

every trait has two sides,

the things you like and dislike about it.

And if you see one side and you

have a subjective bias on it,

and you meet somebody

that's got that behavior,

you're going to be run extrinsically

by them, and avoid them or seek them.

And therefore the world out there

runs you instead of you run you.

And so if you don't

know how to balance it,

see the Demartini Method is designed

to help you balance your perceptions,

own what you see in others,

and allow you to not have the world on

the outside run you, but you run you.

You know, if you're not taking

command and living by design,

you're living by duty. If you're not

actually being inspired by your life,

you're being distracted by

desperations. And desperations,

when you're infatuated with

somebody and look up to them,

you try to change yourself into

being like them. If you resent them,

you're trying to change them to be

like you. Both of which are futile.

You can't be them. They can't

be you. But you can be yourself.

And the Demartini Method is

designed to help you be yourself.

The magnificence of who you are is far

greater than any fantasies you'll put on

yourself to change them or you

relative to each other. So in coaching,

this is very valuable because

you're going to have conflicts,

you're going to have discrepancies,

you're going to have, in fact,

I had a client recently that came

to me who wanted some coaching

consulting benefits,

and they were having a fear they were

blocking themselves in their coaching

outreach.

And they knew that if they went out and

did podcasts and they went out and did

more talking, they could

leverage themselves further,

but they had a fear of speaking. Well,

we narrowed it down and found

out the fear of speaking,

like one of the biggest fears in life,

is the fear of speaking about something

that you think somebody in the audience

knows more about than you do. As long as,

that's why Toastmaster starts it with

the icebreaker where you talk about your

own life, where you talk about

something you know more than they do.

But if all of a sudden you think they

know more than you and you're talking and

then you're going to be inhibited

and you're going to be hesitant about

speaking. The fear of public

speaking is not the fear of speaking,

'cause you sometimes will

blabbermouth one-on-one with friends,

but at the same time, when you stand up,

all of a sudden you're worried

about what people think about you.

Because you put them on a pedestal

instead of put them in your heart.

But what happens is the

Demarini Method liberates that,

levels the playing field,

you own the traits of the greats

that are you're perceiving out there,

you get to level the playing field,

get to play on a new playing state,

and all of a sudden have

no fear of speaking.

So I've seen people in business

have intimidation on sales,

intimidation on speaking, fear

of what people's going to say,

their opinions are more

important than their own,

there's a whole lot of places where

this stops people and plateaus people

that the Demartini Method

can help break you through.

It also liberates you from

health and stress responses.

When you're doing something that if you're

in a work that you're not inspired by

and you haven't learned to delegate it

and you're not prioritizing what you're

doing,

and you're feeling frustrated and you're

burning out or bored in some of your

actions, and some clients

may come to you with that,

then the Demartini Method can help

you dissolve the distractions and give

yourself permission to

delegate more things.

'Cause sometimes you're only holding

onto it 'cause you think with your pride

that you're the best one to do it and

you know better than somebody else.

And that pride's in your way.

And you need to level that back out and

give some other people the opportunity

to take care of that, so you're freed.

I learned to delegate a long time

ago and I have no problem delegating.

I'm a firm believer if you're

not delegating, you're trapped.

And so you're going to have clients that

are trapped because they don't know how

to level the playing field, liberate

themselves from the judgments,

that I'm better than them and I know

better than them, or I don't know enough,

and they're holding themselves back.

So this method is very valuable.

Now you go to another step in the

method where you actually take,

where you have done the very

things that they've done,

and you find then balance

out the equation on that,

so you dissolve the pride and

shame. Because when you're proud,

you're not yourself and it's an

imposter syndrome. When you're shamed,

you're not yourself. When you're centered

and you're authentic, you're yourself.

And by the way, when you're in

business, if you're cocky and proud,

you tend to not listen to your customer,

you think you know more than they do,

you don't listen to your staff,

you think you know more than them,

you become an autocrat and you don't meet

the customer's needs and your business

humbles you. And if you're

altruistically minimizing yourself,

sacrificing for others,

trying to please everybody,

then you'll have anarchy in the company

and you'll basically sacrifice your

profits.

So if you don't know how to bring yourself

into authenticity and balance out the

distractions and the

infatuation resentments,

you're going to affect

the business that way.

And that's the same thing that's going

to go on in relationships or social

dynamics.

A lot of times people are looking for a

soulmate or a great mate in their life,

but if they're arrogant, not meeting

people's needs, it's non-sustainable.

If they're minimizing, they don't

want them, they want a match,

somebody that gives them both praise and

reprimand, that gives them a respect.

And if you don't have your authenticity

and you're not in equanimity in

yourself,

you won't have equity between other

people and you won't have sustainable fair

exchange. So the method is used also

to balance out the pride and shame,

balance out the infatuation resentments,

all the things that occupy space and

time in your mind and distract you from

being present and purposeful and

poised and powerful and productive and

prioritized. You also have

sometimes labels you put on people,

and they trap you, you think,

well, all these type of people,

they're always that way. You see them,

and they're subjective biases and

prejudices that we have that undermine

opportunities in our

life. And so this also,

there's a section in the method that's

basically going and finding out whatever

you judge in somebody, where

do they have the opposite side?

And balance the equation.

So in other words,

whatever is this trait

you admire or despise,

go to a moment where

they have the opposite,

where they display the exact opposite

to the same people they display it to.

And then you find out that these people

are just people with a set of values,

but you falsely labeled them with some

sort of bias. And as a result of it,

you've generalized and distorted

your reality with subjective bias,

which puts you in a survival

mode, not a thrival position.

So this is also under powering,

undermining your power in life.

So we go through there in the method and

we neutralize that and we stop labeling

people. 'Cause a lot of times people,

it's like somebody coming up

to you and said, to me and say,

well you a stoic or are you a Buddhist,

or you are this, I'm not any of those,

I don't fit in that little category.

I'm a student of life and

studying many different fields.

And so people want to pigeonhole you.

And so the method helps you dissolve

the pigeonholes that you project and you

are put into, helps you neutralize

those so you're not distracted.

A lot of these things undermine

businesses and relationships, health,

they undermine your dynamic with

your family and your social life and

even your spiritual understanding,

'cause we get boxed into this ingroup

outgroup bias because we exaggerate or

minimize people or ourself.

So this tool has a main application

in all areas of life. I've literally,

I've found over a thousand applications

in how they could be used for coaches

and consultants and people in

the health field, particularly.

Health professionals use it in

their client base to deal with,

to reducing the distress levels

and stress levels they're having,

so they can get on with doing

something that's meaningful.

And there's also an

application where you actually find the

synchronicities of opposites.

As Carl Jung described and

Wolfgang Pauli described,

in their atom in the mind,

they showed that there's a

synchronicity that's going on.

So I had a client that was in South

Africa that was being challenged in the

media,

and we found out who is supporting him

at the same time they were challenging

him, who is the praisers to

balance the reprimanders,

and we brought it into balance with

this particular question in the method.

And all of a sudden they were no longer

fearful or anxious about the criticism.

They realize you never get

criticism without praise.

You never get one without the other.

They come as a pair like a magnet.

And if you try to chop the magnet and

get a positive pole or a negative pole

isolated, you can't do it. But praise

and reprimand are always there together.

And we need both in order to maximize

our growth. If we get over praise,

we puff ourself up and get

false, and over criticize,

we beat ourselves up and get shame.

If we basically put ourselves and

see both of them at the same time,

we come into authenticity. So

there's a tool in the method,

a question in the method that helps

you see both sides simultaneously.

Wilhelm Wundt, in 1897 in his

book on Principles of Psychology,

talked about simultaneous

contrast liberate people.

So in the method I show people how to

liberate themselves and free themselves up

so they're not in bondage to

misinterpretations or worry about what

people think about them. If you get around

praise and you don't have reprimand,

you'll get elated and you'll start

losing contact with who you are,

you'll get cocky, and then

you'll think you're invincible.

And then you get humbled by tragic

situations. And if you get put down,

people support you and try to lift

you up. In fact, all your physiology,

psychology and sociology is a feedback

system to try to get you authentic.

If you get cocky, there's criticism

and challenge. If you get humble,

there's praise and support.

Nature is always trying to get

you back into authenticity.

So the method helps you govern yourself

before the world around you has to.

Because if you're governed from

the outside, you're a follower.

If you're governed from

within, you're a leader.

And then you also have the

fantasies that we run our lives by.

We've inculcated and injected the

values of moralities and traditions and

conventions that are moral

hypocrisies in many cases. You know,

your grandmother says you're supposed to

be nice, never mean, kind, never cruel,

positive, never negative,

happy, never sad,

and always one sided things

that no human being can have.

We have a hedonic treadmill and a hedonic

adaptation in our brain to make sure

we have a set point to

keep us in stability.

And the second we think we're

going to get a one-sided world,

it's not going to happen. So if some

people think they're going to do that,

so the method has a way

of cracking the delusions,

the fantasies that you hold

onto, and the nightmares that,

the wounds in your life that

are affecting your decisions.

As long as you got wounds of the past

and fantasies of the future running your

dynamic,

you're not going to be present in the

now and you're not going to be empowered.

So the Demartini Method

helps you integrate those

and neutralize the fantasies,

because if you have this fantasy you're

always supposed to be nice all the time,

if you're not, you're going to feel

guilty and then you're impostered again.

And if you think you are, then you're

going to be proud, and again, impostered.

Pride and shame aren't the real you.

The authentic you is with tears of

gratitude and appreciation and really

centered. The false you

are the imposter syndromes.

And most people live with that.

And the Demartini Method

helps you dissolve those and

helps you become present.

And the magnificence

of who you really are,

the authentic you is way more powerful

than any of those vicissitudes and

instabilities that you impose,

and all those misinterpretations

and biases that you,

and prejudice that you put on people.

So there's no reason why

you can't learn that tool.

It's something that's trainable,

it's transferable, it's translatable,

I've taught it in many, many

countries around the world.

Thousands of people are using it. It's

a tool that can be useful for you.

And this is one of the things that I

teach in the Breakthrough Experience.

One of the reasons I do the Breakthrough

Experience is I want people to know

that tool. 'cause That tool's gold.

It's a very powerful tool and it's

accountable and it's a reproducible tool,

it's a science, it's reproducible.

You can guarantee a result if

you follow it to the letter.

So that's why I tell people,

come to the Breakthrough

Experience and learn that tool.

Or some people when they

come to the Breakthrough,

they decide to even go to a further

training on it and learn all the

amplifications and applications

that you can use that tool for.

We found literally a thousand applications

for people in the coaching industry

or any industry of service

where it can be applied.

And it's a very powerful tool. It's one

of the, I'm certain if you learn it,

it'll be one of the most valuable

tools you'll have in your toolkit,

making a difference in

people's lives and in your own.

You can't help other people get what

they want to get in life without you

helping yourself do the same.

So by learning the tool for yourself and

other people, it'll be a valuable tool.

So come to the Breakthrough Experience,

let me share and introduce you to it.

And then once you got the tool, I assure

you, you won't put it away, ,

it's going to be with you.

You're going to use it over and over

again in applications with clients or

yourself or the people you

love at home, et cetera.

So I just wanted to talk a little about

this tool as it applies to your coaching

or consulting or healthcare practitioning,

or maybe just working and interacting

with socially with people.

Whether you're a business

leader or a business manager,

or somebody working in a business,

it'll apply. And in your social life,

I assure you it will apply.

So if you want to master that

and master more of your life,

come to the Breakthrough Experience,

let me share with you this tool and

take advantage of this tool and its

opportunity to impact other people,

particularly if you're a coach.