Welcome to a very special episode of Momma Has Goals where we're celebrating the one-year anniversary of this incredible journey we've embarked on together. To mark this milestone, we're taking a trip down memory lane and revisiting some of the most inspiring and insightful moments from the past year's top episodes. Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions as we dive deep into the topics of motherhood, goals, and growth.

In this episode, you'll hear stories of triumph over adversity as we explore the theme of healing and community support after devastation. We'll also discuss the vital topic of prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries in various aspects of our lives. And for all you busy mommas out there, we'll uncover strategies for overcoming self-doubt and finding that elusive equilibrium in your daily life.

So, whether you're a seasoned listener or joining us for the first time, this episode promises to be a celebration of the incredible journey we've embarked upon. Momma Has Goals has been a source of inspiration, empowerment, and growth for me and I hope it has been for you too! I can't wait for you to relive these unforgettable moments. Tune in, be inspired, and let's continue this journey together!

What you'll hear in this episode:

[0:00] Motherhood, goals, and growth.

[5:39] Trauma, community support, and healing after a devastating fire.

[10:09] Healing, trauma, and self-care for high achievers.

[16:34] Prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries in various aspects of life.

[17:50] Overcoming self-doubt and finding balance as a working mom.

Listen to the full episodes featured in today's episode:

• Picking Yourself Up: A Story of Resilience with Rachel Wright
• Expert Insights on Therapy and Mental Health with Britt Frank
• The Trickle-Down Effect Of Investing In Your Own Self-Development With Brianne Hoefelmann Of The Good In Media
• Finding Fitness in Motherhood: Insights from Fit Pregnancy Coach Kim Perry
• Momma, What If You Can Have It All? I’ll Tell You How.

CONNECT WITH KELSEY

Follow Kelsey: @thisiskelseysmith

Follow Momma Has Goals: @mommahasgoals

Download the app for Apple or Android

Learn more at https://thisiskelseysmith.com/

Join our text list. Text "Goals" to (707) 347-0319

Kelsey Smith 0:00

There's so many areas in life where we don't communicate, and we don't go first. And we expect everyone else to support us know what we need, and for them to go first and for us to follow. And we don't sit there and say, Oh, I wanted to follow someone else, but you're almost waiting for that permission or that guidance. Welcome to mama has goals, your weekly reminder that you shouldn't have to sacrifice your dreams to take on the role of mom. I'm Kelsey Smith, mom of two boys. Why an entrepreneur who's passionate about helping other moms current and aspiring to reimagine mom life. I'm bringing you the resources, support and relatability to debunk that limiting belief that you may have about your ability to achieve your goals while raising a human. We're covering everything from mom guilt, marriage, relationships, careers, finances, mental health, physical health, you name it, your life doesn't have to fully shift once you become a mom, you can have it all. And we'll show you how.

Kelsey Smith 1:11

It's officially been one year since we launched this podcast. And I want to do a little reflection on just what the last year has looked like. And then I want to pull a couple of my favorite clips for you to listen to over the last year, more than anything, just proud of the consistency. When I started this podcast, a lot of people asked me they were like, What is your goal of the podcast and I said, it's to share stories of different versions of motherhood and goals and how they can look so different, but so alike. And for me to have a platform to share my own journey of growth and goals in this community in a way that is very raw and real and current, and just sharing what is currently going on and who I'm connecting with. And it has been such a fun journey. And it has been such a blessing to have this platform. I have been just beyond surprised with the amount of people that I've been able to impact through this platform, the amount of downloads that we've seen over the last year, we are beyond a top 5% globally rated podcast at this point. And that is not what I set out specifically to do, I set out to have this platform to communicate to hit moms in their ears while they're doing dishes or folding laundry because that's how I was absorbing positive content. And that's the way that I like to listen to things because I can do multiple things at once where I can really sit and be present and feel plugged into whatever I'm listening to. And the podcasting platform is something that I didn't know about that long ago, really only probably a year before I started my own podcasts, I started listening to others. But it was such a platform that I fell in love with so quickly. And there's so much that you can listen to. And I just want to thank you for being a listener, I want to thank you for being here and helping grow this community. And for giving feedback on what you want to hear and what you want to listen to. Because what I talk about and what I record, as well as the guests that we bring in are all based off of what is going to support you guys also what's going to support me and when I'm listening to but really where we both can come and say okay, this is a conversation that we want to hear. And this is a person that we want to hear from. So thank you. And if you have anyone that you want to hear or some topics that you absolutely love, please make sure that you're sharing them with us because that is how I know that is how I can connect and support you. So send me a message on Instagram over at MAMA has goals mo mm a house goals. Again, tell me more about who you want to hear and what you want to hear. And as we go into our second year of this podcast, I want to make sure that we're delivering exactly what is supporting you. So right now we have our two episodes a week occasionally, we'll do a couple extras for bonuses. But typically we have our one interview a week, and then one solo episode a week. And I would love to know if that's a layout that you're liking. Would you like shorter episodes all throughout the week? Would you like to keep it the way that it is? I want to know as we go into year two, what is it that you want? And when I think about just the last year and what I've just connected with so many amazing people we've heard so many amazing stories from loss and grow Eve to entrepreneurship to personal growth and motherhood as a whole, and just growing and evolving and how everyone is just trying to figure it out as they go. But we all have so much in common at the same time. And I just am so grateful to be able to lead this platform. And I am so grateful for you for listening in. So without further ado, let's bring in some clips over the last year, a little bit of a trip down memory lane of some of our top performing episodes. And we'll go ahead and link those below as well.

Speaker 2 5:39

You see the news every day or whatever you movies and you're like, Okay, this would never happen to me. And when it does, it's it really shakes your worlds. And we were actually on the news after the fires because of our neighbors perishing in the fire life can just be going smoothly, and then suddenly, it's like your whole world is shaken. And that's definitely how it felt with the fire.

Kelsey Smith 6:01

Yeah, it was such a scary time. And you had your one child at the time, right? So you're running as a family of three, we're living in a smaller home in your parents backyard. So is your childhood home that you also lost while you and your husband at the time and your daughter, we're running through that it's definitely traumatic, definitely scary going through all of that. And unfortunately, though, sometimes really tough things like that bring a community together, right. And so while we never want those things to happen, I'd love for you to talk a little bit about what happened in the aftermath of the community coming together. What were some of the positives.

Speaker 2 6:39

Oh, it was incredible. My family lost, my parents lost their home too. But you're in the state of fight or flight mode. And my memory is actually very spotty from that time in my life. But I remember just all these free stores and community coming together. And Arielle Kelly actually, she started this store in Healdsburg. And it was literally just this open warehouse where people could go and get diapers. And it was basically like a goodwill, but it was open to the community. So I was going there, I was getting diapers. For my two and a half year old daughter, I was getting diapers for my severely disabled brother. It was really incredible. And I just have different little stories, I was actually at a goodwill, and I was looking for shoes to buy. So I could walk through the rubble of the fire. And I remember going up to pay and the woman was like, okay, it'll be like $50 for all the tennis shoes. And I just remember breaking down and just like, I really like 50 bucks, like, I literally need these shoes to walk through the ashes and see if there's anything to save. And then they'll be toxic, and I'll throw them away. And this woman came up behind me and threw $100 bill down and was like, I want to buy these shoes for you. And I don't even remember what she looks like. But I just started bawling and just gave her a big hug. And it was gestures like that all all over that we were feeling I was feeling every day. And again, I don't remember what what a lot of people looked like I was just so in this trauma response mode. But looking back now and like, oh my god, there were so many people that wanted to help us. And we are so blessed, just to live in a county. Yeah.

Kelsey Smith 8:28

I think that something that people say when they go through things is often we show up and we say how can I help? And I'm guilty of this too. And when people are in that situation, they can't answer the question, you need to just show up and maybe put down that money for those tennis shoes, or really get curious what is the way you can just show up. I love when people go through something. And then they get to the point that they're not only living for themselves, but then they're supporting and helping others because now you've changed countless lives by stepping into your purpose in your calling. But if you stayed stuck, you wouldn't have been able to support yourself or anyone else on this podcast, we talk a lot about our kids being one of the people that would receive that positive or negative impact of us either healing or not healing, but it is so much bigger than that. It's the person that you run into in the grocery store the person that just cut you off on the road that you then just wave and say, I wish you well you know, allowing yourself to really find peace in your own life so that you're not spreading it. And we were talking about that in how that shows up for parents. And so if someone's listening, and they're like, Yeah, I have trauma, and I'm learning how to deal with it. So I don't spread it. That's one person. But for the other person. It's like I don't know that this applies to let's bring that down.

Speaker 3 9:45

Yeah, and that one is a tricky one also because I really respect the perspective that perhaps what happened to you isn't in the grand scheme of things as severe and you do have a home and clean water and access to be sickness, having perspective on things like that is useful, looking around and being like, you know what all things considered, I have a pretty good and I feel really grateful that I have it pretty good. That's great. But what happens is people think because I have a nice home and beautiful kids and medical insurance and food in my fridge, that now excludes me from putting my pain in a place where it can be healed somehow, it's like there's a zero sum thing where the more blessings I have, the less right I have to claim pain. And that's just not how it works. And I would say this to any parent, you don't have to sit there and now identify as someone who's traumatized, but the tendency to minimize our own pain is something our kids are watching. I was a play therapist in my career very early on for years. And it's amazing to me that kids are watching. And when parents come to me either with trauma or with whatever, and they're like, What do I do about my kids? Number one thing to help your kids is to let yourself have your reality to whatever degree you have it and to show your kids how to resource Yes, we haven't really good, we're going to count our blessings. But then we're going to count our SATs and our mats, and we're going to make space for all of it. The biggest gift a parent can give a child is feelings, literacy, after basic needs and safety and all that, of course, being able to say yeah, I have a pretty good, but trauma, you want me to say i The word is so buzzy and trendy now, and everyone who's taken like a lunchtime Lunch and Learn is now a trauma expert. And so we've got this epidemic of now everybody is talking about trauma, which is better than no one talking about it. But now people hear the word trauma, and they sort of roll their eyes and are like that's only if you were in a war or assaulted or something really bad happened. It helps to know the definition of trauma before you say you don't have it. And the definition of trauma is anything that overwhelms your brain's processing capacity. It's like brain indigestion, you don't have to eat bad food to get a stomachache. But to some degree, all of us are going to have indigestion at some point. So anything that's too much too fast or too soon or not enough for our brains to process and metabolize is going to get stuck. People come in, I'm just so lazy. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like, are you lazy? Or is your nervous system in freeze because of trauma? I don't have trauma. Alright, well, we won't call it that. We'll just say Are you stuck? If you're stuck by whatever word you use, there's some brain stuff going on. So minimizing it doesn't fix it. Addressing? It does.

Yeah. And I think on the spectrum of mental health, sometimes when people are laying in bed, they can't get out of bed. That is more, you're more aware, maybe I should be able to get out of bed, I should be able to move. But you mentioned that you work a lot with high performers, and high achievers. And I think so often people are running from the things that they need to work through. And with moms, you are busy, your schedule is full. And this podcast is ambitious mums on top of that. So your schedule is really full, really busy. And you are almost always putting someone else's needs before your own. Because that's kind of your job. But it's also like we're talking about your job to heal yourself first so that you can be emotionally available mentally available for that. I would love to know, do you feel that some of the opportunities that you've had unfold for you in the last couple years? Are they related to leaving the church or stepping into this new version of yourself? Maybe it's not necessarily specific to the church? Or is it just kind of happened along timeline.

So that's an interesting thing for me to dive into. Because my first thought is, it so has to do with me listening to myself before anybody else. And that's what the process of leaving the church was for me. Going back to Brianna, what her thoughts are before the influence of what my parents think, or even what my husband thinks what my friends think. So January of 2020. I feel like this is like a whole history lesson of this timeline. It was fun to reflect on because like that January, I went on a solo trip to New York City and I spent a few days by myself. And that's like the first time I had ever done that I've gone on trips, but it's always like a girls trip or a family trip or with Danny. And that was the first time I had ever done something like that by myself and just been alone for a few days and like taking myself to dinner and taking myself on a few dates and just so cool. It was so fun. It was so fun. Once I got used to the fact of law Wait, no one else is going to decide if we want like Mexican or Chinese thinks you're by yourself. But there was so much that came from that specific trip and investing in time to myself to think and yeah, I feel like when you look at opportunities in business that kind of now I'm able to listen to myself and trust myself more. So whether it's like opportunities with collaborations or making new friends or like fully stepping into who I want to be as an indie vigil. And as a mom and as a wife, like, it all comes down to me listening to myself. And that was like a muscle that I built through that process of leaving the church. And finally, like, I remember at the end of that trip on that trip to New York, like I hadn't been to church in a while, and I decided, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go sit in the back row of an LDS church service, because I happen to be there over the weekend. And I sat and I just was like an observer, there in the chapel. So if you've ever been to an LDS church, like every first Sunday, they do what's called a fast and testimony meeting where everyone gets up. And they basically, they bear their testimony to the congregation and tell them what they know to be true. And their testimony. I remember sitting in the back and thinking, I'm like, That's so beautiful for them. And I literally knew in that moment, I was like, but I used to feel certain ways about the things that they're saying. And I no longer do I no longer believe what I used to believe. And it literally took like, me being by myself and spending like the three days prior to that by myself, making lots of like, little micro decisions on which route do I want it? Which train do I want to take to get to the Lower East Side to go get a foot massage those little decisions to the point where then I sat in the back of the chapel, and I was like, able to listen to myself and me say, No, I was like, oh, yeah, this isn't for me anymore. And that's okay. And it's great that it's for other people, but it's not for me. And so it's bringing it back to other opportunities. Like, I'm a completely different person, because I've learned to listen to myself through that process. Yeah, I think that is so powerful.

And this applies to other things than just the church, right? If you are feeling like you're no longer connected to a friendship, or a group of people, or maybe it's your work environment, or any of those things, and then you allow yourself to get quiet and question and listen to yourself, whether that's really meant for you. And that's what you're supposed to do. I actually love what you did as you put yourself back in that space, and then to be able to have those thoughts there. So if you go put yourself back into that friend group, you're questioning for a get together, and then you're like, you know what, this actually doesn't feel good for me anymore. But the other thing I love that you said is you still give it grace for what it did give you. And you said you know what, I love that this served me in this version of me. And I want to thank it, but it can't go with me forward. Now I'm this version of Bri. And I'm gonna listen to your ideas. You mentioned that your husband helps support dinner and you talk about you making sure that you have time for your workout so that you can show up as your best self. For the mom that's listening that doesn't feel supported. How would you recommend making yourself a priority or communicating that you want to make yourself a priority and receive support from others, even if it's not your partner, but someone else in your life?

I think that is such a key part is having that open conversation. I need support in this area. This is something I'm wanting to work towards or wanting to implement into my routine. And then also giving them the exact steps that you're looking for. If you leave it open ended. A lot of guys honestly will be like, Oh, I always support you. What are you talking? You're like, Okay, this is actually what I want you to do. I want you to hold the baby and go upstairs so I can't hear you. And I'm going to be I just need to be alone in this room. You're going to be upstairs. Here are three books he likes to read and then this doll be very specific. That's my biggest thing is like the communication. Yeah. And then having a plan set up for yourself because it's really difficult when you don't have that support. And I honestly not that I mean, my husband's name is Justin and not that he didn't support me in the beginning but he didn't always get it with my business but also with fitness. It was like something people like joked about if I ate a certain way or like he never understood like why eats a healthy meanwhile, now he's on a really strict diet and he's eating healthier like me most of the time. And he works out every night after but the girls to that which I do not have the energy for that. But back in the day, he was not like that. So you really putting yourself out there and asking for support and taking the steps to show that this is something you want to introduce your life might have a big impact on that person and everyone around you, because they see if they see you doing it. And you're staying strong and sticking it out. Even though people might be like, Oh my God, and she you're really eating a salad with chicken instead of this pizza. That is stuff I dealt with for a long time. And now I feel like it's so much more normalized living a healthy lifestyle. So I will support you if you need someone to support you. Let me know. Yeah.

And I love that you're just talking about going first because there's so many areas in life where we don't communicate and we Don't go first. And we expect everyone else to support us know what we need. And for them to go first and for us to follow. And we don't sit there and say, oh, I want to just follow someone else. But you're almost waiting for that permission or that guidance. And that's where I think following people online, like you, allows people to see themselves in someone else, and your inner circle probably isn't going to be the most supportive, it's probably not going to be the one that's reaching their hand out and saying, Hey, here's exactly how I'm going to workout this week, and you should come with me. The third step is to problem solve and overcome those objections for yourself. Even if it doesn't seem possible, write down if I had a magic wand, and I could get the missing pieces I would need. They would be if there was a solution, even if you had no idea who or how, if there was any possible solution, or even a portion of a solution? What would that solution potentially look like? Truly problem solve. And ask yourself, How can you find or search for someone who may be a solution for you, or even someone who has previously found their own solution that could help you find yours? Is there anyone out there living out parts of your version of having it all, you don't have to see an exact replica, you probably won't, because you're unique. But if you could get a little piece from one person and a piece from another, to truly allow yourself to find that map, and those directions, should be really on track. And lastly, write down one thing that you're currently doing now, that a past version of you would be grateful for or proud of, I guarantee you have overcome something, a guarantee that you have achieved, something that you set out to do. And this is proof that you're meant to keep going and maybe listening to this podcast, or the fact that you're allowing yourself to even question how you can have it all. That's the very thing to be proud of. And as you work through all of this, it's just so important to remember that your story is yours, Friends, Family Partners, co workers, they don't have to understand your version of doing it all. And honestly, they likely won't. Many didn't for me. And that's why it's so important for you to acknowledge what's on your mind and your heart. It's not their job to understand you. But it is your job to understand you. And if I'm being real, I basically see that you have two options. One, you overcome the imposter syndrome, the mom guilt, the concerns of what others think, any other limiting beliefs, and you allow yourself to step into the possibility for doing it all your version of doing it all. Or two, you always wonder what if on the sidelines of your own life. I know it sounds harsh, but it is your choice. And I'll recommend option one from experience. Okay, let's breathe again. I know that you have some homework. And I think that is so important that you take some time to work through that. But throughout the rest of your day, also try things on in your life that are currently already there. Look at it and go do I like this? Do I want this to stay in my version of having it all? That's truly the first step, just being aware and questioning what if. But on that note, I'm off to read stories to my kids for bed and have my own bubbly beverage. And if you're just like we I need more Kelsey, there's a few other ways that I share this mission and this message that you can plug into. And I would love your support getting it out to others as well. But you can connect with more resources and amazing people in our mana high schools phone app, which is on all mobile devices. Or you can send me a message on Instagram and say hello to connect so I can support you. If you'd like a little bit of inspo in your pocket each day you can text the word podcast to 707-347-0319 And honestly, I'm just so excited that you're allowing me to be a part of your journey. Seriously. Moms stepping into their higher selves and asking themselves questions. It lights me up more than I could even explain and you should be so proud of yourself. Mom in your life that you see and love her by sharing this episode. Giving while your cup is overflowing always pays itself back tenfold when you need it most.