Sex Spoken Here: Let’s Talk about Gender part 3

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.

Today I am continuing my series about gender.

Joining me today to continue the discussion is Dr Meg-John Barker.

They are a writer, therapist, and activist-academic specialising in sex, gender and relationships. Meg-John is a senior lecturer in psychology at the Open University and a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, and has over a decade of experience researching and publishing on these topics including the popular books Rewriting the Rules, The Secrets of Enduring Love and Queer: A Graphic History.

We started by talking about language and definitions.  Meg-John highlighted that non-binary is the overarching term used now for anyone who doesn’t identify as male or female.  We spoke about how many other terms there are that fall under non-binary including but not limited to: gender queer, gender fluid, demi (boy, girl), trans.  We spoke about how hard it is for people to understand the gender journey and how important it is for everyone to look at this journey as even folks who are happy with the gender assigned at birth go through gender changes throughout the life span.  Meg-John used the example of a woman going on the pill which is taking hormones and a woman who has had breast cancer and her breasts removed as a result having to look at how she expresses her female gender.  They also mentioned men who have larger boobs and choose to do breast reduction or men who take steroids to do body building.   Gender does not stay static through the life span.

We spoke about how hard people find ambivalence and uncertainty and how badly people want to categorise and box people, places and things.  We talked about how much pressure there can be for trans people to make the decision to transition and then do it quickly and that this is unhelpful.  We both feel this comes from the difficulty people have with uncertainty and ambivalence in part.

We talked about how gender is not just socially influenced but that it is biologically influenced as well and that sex is not just biological but can and is socially influenced. 

We spoke about Meg-John’s book coming out in the autumn which is about how to figure out issues around your gender.  We noted that having a gender identification outside of male or female seems to upset people more than issues around sexuality, kink and polyamory versus monogamy.

You can find Dr Meg-John Barker at:

Website: www.rewriting-the-rules.com. Twitter: @megjohnbarker.

All of their books are available on the website. 

Check out their podcast: Meg-John and Justin

Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.

Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook..  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to www.the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  I look forward to seeing you next week.