Raising children and running a successful business both require a fine balance between setting boundaries and practicing surrender. For many parents and entrepreneurs, this can often feel like an uphill battle. How can one delineate their personal space while also being open to adapt and change?

In Episode 222, we dive deep into these issues, discussing the nuanced dance between maintaining boundaries and surrendering to the needs of the moment. Whether you're engaged in parenting or steering a business, this conversation offers valuable insights into cultivating an effective approach encompassing both these aspects and more.

REFERENCES

• The 200% Life by Adam Hergenrother and Hallie Warner
• The Alchemist by Paulo Cuelho
• Article: The Last Gift Steve Jobs Gave To Family And Friends Was A Book About Self Realization
• Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda
• Project U Unbound

In fact, um, we have this Project U Unbound group and it's really fascinating to get questions from people throughout the week. But there is a, and I want you to share your, your question that you actually had in a second, but there is a always a, this, um... Actually, why don't you share it, because I think this backfills it a little bit of a question that goes through a lot of people's minds.

[00:00:56] Adam: a lot of therapy on here for Hallie, so that's perfectly, for both

Sometimes that goes well, lately, not so well. So, um, my 5 year old is just a very deeply feeling kid, amazing, incredibly self aware, um, and really, really emotional. And has really big, big emotional outbursts. And so I've been struggling with... How to relax and release, be present, clear, clear, accepting and loving is my goal, um, with her.

But the emotional kind of outbursts have been getting more intense and more intense. And so then, yeah, my question is, how do I? Relax and release and, like, create some sort of safe, healthy boundaries for her, um, where I'm not squashing her spirit, but am, um, providing her with, like, the safe container of a safe, loving home environment that she needs to thrive.

And lately it feels like we've kind of just been caught up in the emotional. Really intense emotions and I'm relaxing and releasing but I'm not really seeing the path

We're gonna dive into boundaries because I think that's really important But like whether it's a parenting question or hey, I have these employees at my business that are not performing I have a problem with my community. There's bullies at school that are really affecting my child. My child is, you know, is, is whatever the situation is.

They could be, you know, a teenager and having those types of challenges. We get these questions in here a lot and it's, they're all, again, whether it's business, whether it's your personal life, whether it's your marriage, they're all. Aiming at the same direction, right? It's almost as if like, okay, I get it.

I can relax and release when things are going relatively okay. Right? Like when I feel like I can handle it, I can relax and release and kind of handle these things. Or

Munch harder to relax and release in the moment. Yes,

Oh, we have three kids running around. It's like 10 minutes before school. None of her Maddie's not even up yet. Right. It's the whole thing. Then I was just like, Oh man, I feel for you right now. And she did a good job coming right back down, but you know, she didn't yell, but I could, it, so it gets in that.

You get hooked. You do get hooked. And I think that's, that's the question, which is like, so how do I have these, these kind of boundaries in my life? Whether or not, again, you're a spiritual teacher and you're working one on one with people, then all of a sudden you can't respond to people one on one.

Whether you're a business owner and you can, you know, have your leadership team and know every single employee, and all of a sudden you get to a point where you don't know all of your employees anymore in an organization, you're only dealing with a certain amount of them. Whether, again, it's just you and your partner, and you have a wonderful relationship, then you introduce a dog or kids into the whole situation.

Then it's like, how do I make space, time for my husband or wife, or how do, or my partner, or how do I make time for, uh, and then dealing with my kids? Um, so all of this, again, comes down to, like, how do I, when, when it, when it's in the moment, like, how do I, how do I act? Like, how do I show up? How do I, can I create boundaries?

Because I think the other question is, especially around parenting, as we move in that direction more, there is, like, the movement, right, and you and I were chatting about this beforehand, is like, Kind of like free parenting almost, it's like you allow your children to really express themselves and to kind of show their emotions and not really put the kids in time out and not really to have, I guess I would say boundaries, maybe you know a little bit more about that, but I don't know if there is boundaries in those or not.

I think it is,

It's actually a release for children, because they're not doing relax and release, and having Tantrum are a big feeling is important to let it move through them and move through their bodies. Yeah,

Like when you're in the midst, you can sit there and be okay in the midst of that irritation. So there's a slight distinction there. I think a lot of people think that sitting in there and sitting clear in your sense of self or your seat of self is that that irritation won't be there. In fact, a lot of times it can be there.

It's just not grabbing you, just like a tree is outside, but you're not bothered by it. So you're just not, you're experiencing it and you're aware that the frustration is there, but you're not engaged with it. So that's kind of step number one. Um, you know, even like, you know, uh, you know, higher individuals who have reached high states of consciousness.

Even express anger or frustration, but they say it's like writing on water, right? It's there for a second, then boom, it's gone. Um, so they're just never acting from it. Even Dalai Lama talks about a sacred pause, right? It's like a three second pause. And by the time the three seconds is gone, that energy anger is moved through him.

So he's no longer responding from that. For me, I'm not there yet. Um, and so it's more about, I'm very much aware when I'm irritated or frustrated with the way the kids are doing or what they're doing. And I, and the willpower that comes in, right? And I know that that's a. A term that's used a lot really is that will to maintain your sense of not engaging with the emotion so that then you don't express the emotion.

So that's, we're going to talk about like the actions you can do, but that's the first kind of step here is to first check in with yourself. And this, I think people have this, this idea that I'm feeling really frustrated right now, which is great. So when people can say that, you're going... I am feeling, which is the first step because you're going, well, I'm in there experiencing it.

So therefore, you know, it's not you. Therefore, there's a separation there. Eventually, that starts to fade away. So it's just it's lower and lower and further and further away from you. So it doesn't grab you nearly as it does now. But even those moments where It starts to build up. First, check in with yourself.

And you can even use like an affirmation like, Hey, I'm aware that I'm feeling very frustrated right now. You want to say? Oh, I was

[00:08:12] Adam: angry right now.

Well, that's why I think we're being real, because spirituality is real. It's about handling the situation, right? It's never about not Handling the Situation. So it's about being real with yourself and in those situations you can tell your kids being like, I'm feeling a lot of irritation right now, or very frustrated, or just say it to yourself, and so I'm choosing not to respond to this right now.

Uh, as a fact, I, in many situations with my kids or even my partner, um, I, I will do that. I will get up out of there. I might not even say it, I'll just get up out of the room and walk away. Because I actually said this on a podcast yesterday, I find myself, I have a longer period of runway or a longer fuse before it kind of attaches me, and I know though at some point if I sit in that seat any longer, that fuse is no longer there, and then I'm attached or velcroed to it, and how quickly you can come out, but you still do the damage, so whether that's, you know, your Your kid or your partner yelling at you or eating a chip that's just irritating to you or just, you know, sitting there and, you know, shaking their leg.

I'm just thinking of personal examples that bother me, right? And I'm like, why is that? It has nothing to do with them. And so, like, what I usually do with that, I just, whatever I'm doing, I get up and I move. Before the fuse gets too short. And so these are all like preventative steps. You don't blow up.

Right. So I, for me, like I'll grab either Prince or dog or all this walk outside and you see in like a two minute walk, I'm able to just release the energy and kind of whatever it is that you need to do, or just go outside or do some pushups or, you know, just meditate for. 15 seconds, or 3, 2, 1, relax, just trying to get the energy to move through.

Again, so you just, it's a practice and technique that you can do, that's there. Over time, for me, I found that it's become almost habitual. So when I feel that happening, I instantly find myself going to a mantra without even thinking about it, of trying to like, Keep myself centered by focusing on a mantra or by just getting up and just moving so that the energy does not grab me because the worst thing that we can do, again, and we're all going to fail at this, all of us, is going to be let that fuse run out and then all of a sudden we're now glued to that emotion and we are responding from that level, right?

And you may catch yourself really quickly and pull yourself out, but you still respond. So the first thing is, is can we put ourselves in a situation so we're not doing that? And it's not like you need to practice this all day, right? I mean, like, for that moment. That moment happens. You walk into the other room for a little while, you go to the bathroom, you walk outside, you 3 2 1 relax, whatever it is you need to do, and then you come back and engage in it.

And a lot of times in, in these other situations though, it's like, you don't, it's almost like, it goes from zero, like you're perfect, to a thousand and a half a millimeter. And you, but that, if you keep working on the smaller things, of keep letting go of like, the driver in front of you, or the weather, or something at work, something that you can handle and let go, there's always something somebody can handle, right?

Like there's something that you can handle and let go, the longer that fuse becomes. And that's like that sacred pause, it just becomes longer and longer bef for it grabs you. Um, and that becomes a powerful state. And that's part of your journey though, going through this. And that's why parenting is one of these wonderful things, because man, you are thrust into that every single moment, right?

Or, is raising the moment actually addressing that in the moment with your

I mean, like, it just, it just, it now goes to a whole nother level. And in my opinion, again, this is for me, it's not okay for any, like, I also think and believe, just from raising three and watching this, kids also need boundaries. They want a structure, you can call it structure, you can call it boundaries, they want to know the limits, it's almost like their, their ego, which they're developing for whatever reason, right, uh, we all develop a sense of ego, I would say 99.

99 carry it out there, develop an ego, And as we are developed, for whatever reason, we're developing that right now. And that ego wants to find out how much it can push. And it just wants to find, whether it's ego, whether it's the child, just finding their limits of what they can do. And so they're always going to be pushing this.

So that's why I think having A healthy conversation around that. Again, if they're disrespectful, then that needs to be addressed. It needs to be addressed immediately. It's how you address it, though. What part of you is addressing it? Are you addressing it so that you can feel better about yourself?

Because now you're an all star parent. Are you addressing it to really serve the moment that's in front of you so that the moment becomes better off based on what just happened? So if your kid is disrespectful to you, can you sit there and raise the moment so that you've taken that moment because the reality has happened?

Check that, it's already happened. Reality means it's already happened, so the disrespectful, you can't take that out. Now, how do I raise the moment, though, so that we can learn, we can improve, we can develop a better system, or we can provide guidance or support in that moment to our employees or to our kids in that moment?

So that we can raise that moment up, so they can learn from that. Um, and with our kids, we can't, you know, obviously just get rid of them, right? So you just, you, you raise the moment as best you can. One of the tactics that we've used, and I, I shared this with you, is um, I don't, we, we used to, early on, I probably would put my kids in timeout.

Now we have a self regulated timeout, and It works for us. I'm not going to say, I also think every kid is a little bit different, so you have to find what really works for them. Um, for, for us, it was any time that there was a, a behavior that needed to have a conversation about, whether it's just leaving their food out, right?

Or whether they're, you know, um, weren't ready for school at a certain time, or they didn't do their chores, or that they actually were disrespectful. That doesn't happen nearly as much as the other cases of just leaving food and not doing other chores. Um, if, and in that moment, you have to have a corrective discussion about that, I always ask, or if, especially if my kids fight a lot amongst themselves, and that's the big one, and so when they fight amongst themselves, it's like the separation from that, and what we do is we tell either of our kids, like, you, you go find a quiet spot, you know the, you know the drill, basically, and go there for as little as three seconds, or go there as little as...

You know, or as long as hours, and it's, it's funny because it's not a timeout, I guess it is a timeout, but it's more of like, it's not in there for five minutes, I'll tell you when you can come out. Because what I'm trying to teach our kids here is that when we're not there, they need to figure out a way for them to be able to put themselves in timeout.

In situations where nobody else is going to be telling them to go to a timeout, right? And that's the whole critical thinking part. And I explain that to them ahead of time, what we're doing that for. So that when they do come in there and I say, Asher, why don't you go to your room, um, spend some time up there and as soon as you're ready, and, and you're, and you're ready to, to raise the moment up, we use that language all the time in our house, or as soon as you're ready to, um, you know, whatever the situation was, come down here and be your sense of self and not...

Taken over by the ego, we, my kids know all that stuff, so we use that language in there. And they go, he's like, and he just walks upstairs, and sometimes he's down in two minutes, and he's actually, he's fine. Sometimes he literally stays up there for hours, and he'll, like, he'll start a project, because he needed that time, for whatever reason happened throughout his day.

And the same thing with my two girls, they'll do the exact same thing. Each situation's a little bit different, but every time they've gone away and they've come back on their own, they're always, I'm not saying they're perfect when they come back down, but they've changed. They've let it go, they've shifted, and so I think you can, you can, you, you can have boundaries with those things, right?

Of course you can't just let your kid just run around. They're, they're, they're not developed the same way as an adult, so they can't make decisions that way, which is why they stay with you. And then, if you look at nature, right, it's the same situations, like, you know, it's why Use the examples like sometimes when they're, when their kids are just trying to play with them, they like, they kick them out of the way.

They're like, we don't want to play with you right now. Or if there's danger, they pick them up out of their, you know, with their mouth and carry them out of there. Like they, they're always showing them how to eat and food. And then at some point they got to go on their own, but they're also giving them their space, but there's also boundaries, right?

They'll call to them to come back when they're getting too far. They'll make sure they're eating when they're not eating. They make sure if they're playing too rough, they settle them down. It's not much different than what we're doing again. So like there, there needs to be a. Otherwise, they would just be adults.

That's why they're looking for us to be able to do that.

It moves through you or whatnot, but it seems like there's now, at this age, it can pivot a little bit where she can do some of that. I mean, we have like this investigation station, which I kind of created based off of Michael Singer and Yogananda's, you know, Yogananda says, um, meditation is like the laboratory of the mind.

So I was like, all right, let's translate this to kiddo language. So it's a pillow and it has, um, a chart with emotions and it has. It's techniques for relaxing and breathing and grounding and everything. And that's been in our dining room, which it worked really well for a while, but recently we just created another one in her bedroom.

So it could, there's, I like what you're saying, like go to a quiet spot, like there's multiple spots in the home. It's not a punishment. Go to your room. You know, it's a, just take yourself to where you can kind of move. Work through some of this on your own. And I think she has that, like she could do that.

Absolutely.

And I explain it just like I did on the podcast to my kids, right? And I was doing that since they were, you know, four and five years old. I'm just like, I don't want to put you in timeout because you're not going to put your time out. And put yourself in timeout when I'm not there. So I want you to be able to be able to handle your emotions so you can handle the situation.

So I'm trying to teach you how to be able to relax and release and then be able to handle the situation in front of you. And so we just use that language so that you're not all caught up in that emotion or that anger. Uh, whether that's in sports, whether that's in school. So it's just being very clear with them, and again, just reinforcing that over and over again.

And then, you should do the same thing, and I also reinforce it when I have to leave the room, and I come back, and I'm sitting there and say, like, hey, I had to leave the room right there, and I'm doing the same thing, so we can model that behavior, right? Again, whether you're, and Asher asks me a lot, or Sienna asks me a lot about, like, business sometimes, and I go, yeah, I got, this triggered me over here, and here's how I handled it.

First, here's how I handled it. For me, and then here's how I handled the situation. Because that's really, there's two parts to any situation that gets hit. And that's what people really want to know. Is how do I actually make the decision? The answer actually of the decision comes after you get clear. The minute you get clear, you're now in the moment.

Now you can solve the next problem. And again, if you just go out there and apply a little bit of this, even in your parenting life, if you have kids, you'll start to see... The answer shows up. So everyone wants to almost like look for a universal answer to every single problem. Well, the universal answer is first, get yourself clear.

And the answer shows up and that's literally what it is. And then you just always go back to is how do I raise this moment? Like, how do I raise this moment up? Because again, you could, you can also take this into the business context, right? And outside of parenting of, you know, you've got. You know, first, when you've got one or two employees, it's very easy for you to be around everybody.

I actually heard Eckhart Tolle say this, um, when he was saying, you know, there's always pluses and minuses to growth and advancement in the material world. And he was referring to is when I did retreats for years, there was... Less than 10 people. And he said, one time I did a whole weekend retreat and there was one person there.

By the way, how many people would do a weekend retreat when there was one person showed up? And he's like, I loved during that because I could hug everybody and I could barely be with them. So there's a sense of that. And he said, when we now have gotten to thousands of people in here, we can't hug everybody, but we get to impact more.

So there's pluses and minuses to every stage of your growth of what you're going through. Um, and that's just the mechanics of that world. So in a, in a business setting, when all of a sudden people get to it and they go, 15 things are coming at me all at once, how do I set boundaries on this? Or people want me to fly here and all over the place, how do I say no to these things?

Shouldn't I just surrender and let these things go? Again, you, I don't care if you're Michael Singer, or Eckhart Tolle, or Ady Shanti, or Oprah, or whoever else, they're not saying yes to everything. In fact, they say no to almost everything, right? I mean, the amount of, when we were talking about the 200 percent Life book, I mean, the amount of, I didn't really thought about there, but a lot of like forwards, Um, uh, like, notes, what else was in that email, like, it's like the amount of like, um, we asked, we were talking about Michael kind of, um, uh, endorsing the 200 percent Life book, and she was just saying, like, how many, like, the plethora of, like, everybody wanting him to write, I'm just using this as an example, right, write the full words, to give a blurb about it, to read it, and then to mention it on their podcast, all these different things, she's like, we have, we just say no to all of them.

Yeah. And she's like, we can't actually say yes to them because there's way too many that are coming in. So again, it's just a great example of somebody that people follow that wakes up and says, no, we just, we can't, we can't say yes to that. We will do our, our team, and we know that we're missing some, but we, we're, we're going to go focus on this so we don't do it.

Actually, one of my other mentors is the same way. He's got You know, hundreds of thousands of people in this organization, and they all want certain things from them at certain different times, and there's very minimal things that they can do as well. So, it's just about, it naturally comes up into it of what you can say yes to and what you can say no to.

[00:22:18] Adam: looking for an answer that I can ingest. Yes.

When it comes to parenting specifically, but it would be applicable to any situation, is looking for the answer, like, oh, if I follow this model, what would the answer be? But if you're, the first step is turning inward, getting clear, it's not, it's not an answer that you can go grab from somewhere else. You have to get clear and find it inward to actually be able to raise the moment up.

If you're going outward first. There's no way that you're actually present with the moment in front of you.

And I forget the other publisher came together to do this. Is it New Harbor? Yeah, New Harbor. Um, and they asked him, they said, Hey, can you reach out with Oprah? And he said, no. And he's like, I'm not going to reach out to Oprah. Uh, and he was just, the way he was saying it to me, he was just like, nonchalantly, he was like, I'm just not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do it.

And then, like, a week later, he said, Oprah reached out to him, because they had reached out and said, Michael's got this new book, and said, hey, would you fly to You know, Hawaii, and do this podcast with me, or this interview, and he said, no. And he just said, I'm not going to do it. And then she's like, well, how about I send some equipment, and you do it from your, basically, from a house that's right next to his place.

And he said, sure, I'll do that. So again, it's like, it wasn't, and he, and he was saying it, like, he's like, I'm not saying it from an ego way. And he didn't say that to me, but you could just clearly tell, like, it wasn't like a, a no, it was just very clear, until he was like, oh yeah, okay, that's fine, I'll just do it from here.

Yeah, the

[00:24:06] Adam: no. He doesn't, because he doesn't, he doesn't, it's no different.

So I don't know, it's, uh, you know, again, even like one on ones when he meets with people, he always says he doesn't do any one on ones, but I, I, you know, he meets with a few people, right? So I know he, he says it. All the time in all of his talks, like I never meet with anybody, one on one, don't ask me. But yet, you know, he, I mean, he meets with people, right?

Like, so like, and he, and so again, it's like, whatever, I don't know if it's just like all of a sudden. And it's, again, it's, I don't think it's like, again, I don't think he's going to his mind to ask the question. It's just whatever's showing up. And he's like, okay, great. That seems like something I can raise the moment up with.

Yeah.

[00:24:46] Adam: like kind of in the Buddhist model or something like that. Yeah, that's very true. So anyways, so the first step in boundaries, boundaries are important. I think it's not about saying yes, it's not about saying no.

The first step in any of this is to make sure that you're centered, you're clear, and the right answers show up. It's not about feeling guilty by not saying these things too. Because that can happen as well. You're going, man, this person really wants me to come fly out there and get this presentation. I feel really guilty they've done, you know, you can't feel guilty about that either.

You have to let, to let that go and then show up. And by the way, it may mean that you actually are out there, you know, teaching or growing or whatever that is. Um, that's not, I mean, that's, That's for the decision. You'll, you'll know if you are centered and clear when you're making those decisions, and you'll make a decision or two, you'll know if it was the right decision.

You know, does that make any sense? Like, you may make it and think that you're making it clear, and then you go, ooh, this wasn't the right decision, and then you just get better and better at being in the moment, making that decision of what it looks like. I had a, um, a really... Dear friend and business partner for a while.

She had a really tough challenge with her daughter for, for years and she moved out. The daughter did it and just wouldn't talk to her for no reason. Just went there. She was really obviously you can imagine like, and she, it was You know, it was a wonderful relationship with her daughter all the way up until this point, so that's why it was just, it was a boom, just like that.

And she was with another individual who was, you know, um, I think in the, like, drugs, and just kind of that type of thing, and so she dropped out of school, so she was, like, really worried. She went, she was over 18, so she wouldn't respond to her. And she's like, how do I handle this? How do I handle this? I said, you just have to keep surrendering, then fight like hell.

Keep surrendering, then fight like hell, is what I kept saying. And she's like, what does that mean? And she finally got it, and she talks about that as, like, when I finally just let go of me needing... Her to talk to me for me is instantly like when I finally got it, it was instantly like it just removed something in me and then all of a sudden within a week her daughter reached out to her.

And now I'm not saying it's going to happen for everybody, but that was, and that's what I told her. I said, we don't know what the outcome is going to be, but we need to do is you have this need. for her to reach out to you so you feel better. And again, and everyone listens to that, well, of course I'm going to feel better.

Well, that's part of the work that you're doing, which is that you should be able to handle the situation and so that you're not disturbed by the situation, but fighting through it. And yet, that's what the work that she was doing, the deep work, because she wasn't responding, and once she let go of the outcome of what could happen, she was no longer bound.

to the situation, feeling the need every day to work towards it so she could feel better to do this. It didn't mean that she wasn't trying to engage with her daughter. It didn't mean that she was no longer doing it from that place of her needing that reassurance that her daughter still loved her. And the minute that was released, it broke free.

And I remember that day she called me. She's like, I feel it. I feel the freedom again. And it was there. And then it was with, I say a week, it was within weeks. Then all of a sudden, and now they have a wonderful relationship again. Um, I

Because I think a question is, or sometimes what happens too, is you think you let something go, but if you're thinking you let it go, you probably, my experience has been that I'm still hanging on to it in some way. It's more of like a bodily sensation or like what is, when you're actually clear, what does

I think the absolute freedom that people are looking for, right, is to be able to wake up and walk through the world untouched. So that nothing bothers them. I mean, it's, again, it's not that they're not taking massive action or working 20 out of 24 hours in a day or working one hour a day. It doesn't, that's irrelevant.

The freedom is that the events that are actually happening outside are not charging you up in a certain way. So in this case, it's like she would wake up and be first thing thinking about her daughter and then, you know, being emotional about it. And when she really found out, when she looked deeper, what was...

What was emotional? What was freaking out? What was the fear? And it was her lower self. It didn't mean that she all of a sudden goes, Oh, I'm free. Now my daughter is free to go do whatever she wants. No, it wasn't that. It was what part of me is actually bothered by this. And you keep exploring that you realize That it's your ego mind.

It's your ego or your psyche that is bothered by the situation because it needs reassurance that it was that you did a great job as a mom, that you were there for her, that your daughter still loves you, and there's nothing wrong with that, by the way, but when you have that need, you always be nervous or scared that that can be hit.

And so the freedom is when that moves and is no longer there, then you're able to handle the situation unbothered. Just like I was able to handle it or like anybody listening to this right now is probably not bothered by that situation. That's how you should feel. And so again, I always, I can give that, I think I gave it last podcast too, which is if you've ever been coaching somebody.

For business, if somebody called you up and said, Hey, I want some advice on what to do with this hire. And you have nothing to do with their business. They happen to be a friend. They're three states over. You just, you know them from college, and they're asking you advice for what that looks like. All of a sudden, they, you're on a call with them.

You're able to make, help them reach a decision. And you're not charged up one way or another. You're not affected by whether or not that person goes and hires that person, or fires that person, or gives them a raise, or whatever they're dealing with it, right? You're just simply dealing with the situation.

That's how you should feel when you're handling your own personal situations. But what people really feel is they go, No, I'm charged up and therefore you're responding from some level of energy. And then people instantly when they get this, when you get here, they go, Well, how the hell am I supposed to do that?

Of course I'm, of course I want my daughter to be safe. Nobody's not saying that. In fact, the minute you let go of that and you can handle the situation just like that coaching client experience, you're actually better to get your daughter safe in that situation. You're better to be a better parent.

You're better to be a better leader. You're better to be a better friend in that situation or whatever it is that you need to do because you're no longer taking. from the moment. You're now contributing to the moment. Again, going back to, you're now raising the moment up for the moment to be better off, not raising the moment up so you can be better off.

And that is a big distinction between when people are making decisions. Most decisions, and the Gita talks deeply about this, about making decisions for the moment so the moment is better off, versus making a decision in that moment so that you're better off. And if people are really honest with themselves, most of their decisions, the reason why they struggle with them is because most decisions are still being made.

F to raise you up and not raise the moment up. And, and once you, once you devote yourself, you wanna use that word to making it about the raising the moment up, you start to shed the fear faster. Therefore, you actually start having outward success faster or better relationships. Or maybe you don't, but still you're no longer bound by the need to take something from the moment.

Does.

[00:31:49] Adam: and not... I think a lot of times, the majority of your life, You're truly raising the moment by just appreciating the moment.

Simple as that. That's all you're doing. I mean, think about it. How many times are you actually dealing with a problem with your daughter? How many times are you actually dealing with a problem with your partner? How many times are you actually dealing with a major problem in your business? I know there's problems every day in business.

I just know that. But the ones that you can, you can handle most of them, right? How often are you really engaged with those level of things? And you relatively have it okay. So you're actually, so majority of the time you wake up You just realize there isn't really much for you to do. In fact, the majority of your doing is a result from you not being okay with the moment.

And so therefore you feel like you need to do something in order to make it so that you personally feel better by raising yourself up by your actions of what you're doing. And so that's, that's what is, you know, somebody sent around on our, on a, on one of our business units this morning about, um, like when you move from An individual contributor to a leader, you're really good at being an individual contributor.

And then so now when you're in leadership, when the individual contributor needs work, and you're struggling maybe being a little bit leader, leadership is harder. It's a vacation from your leadership to go back into being the individual contributor and feeling better. But that's, that's, again, that's raising it so that you feel better.

Not raising it so the individual can learn to take your position over. It's the same thing here, right? And so that's why if people can just learn to truly appreciate the moment, the act, again, I don't know what the percentage is. I would say, I would say it's very high throughout your day that what you're doing is a result of the fact that you're not okay.

If you, once you become okay, you just simply just start to appreciate things way more. And then the action is more pure, instead of pure to raise you up, it's to raise the moment up. And it's more

[00:33:37] Adam: Yeah, exactly right. Alright, so for today, what you want to do is, again, the takeaways, uh, boundaries are great.

They're all, it's all great. It all comes down to, are you raising the moment up for you, or are you raising the moment up for the moment? It's two different, totally different things. And if you're willing to be honest with yourself about your decision making, and I think if you can just become aware of that, that becomes really, really powerful, um, as a, as a place to start.

And, you don't need to master all of this. So if you hear this and you're going, I am so far, I can't even do the work, that's, we're not, we're far from perfect. That's why we're trying to share a lot of our personal stories too. But there always is something you can work on that you can truly handle. And literally, I heard this other example the other day.

From Michael Singer he said there's something you can always handle like maybe you can't handle the rain But maybe you it lights up a little bit and you get a little Little wet when you get out of your car from like the sprinkle of it. Can you handle that? Okay, let's start there right like or maybe it's the thing in business right that like all of a sudden you're like Oh, I can't handle this big problem, and I still have a challenge with it But there's something like an email I can go handle that right now like I can let go just that's where you practice That's where you're practicing and it just leaks into your life, but that's, that becomes your North Star is starting with what you can handle, being real with what you can handle, and then if you start practicing, that'll take you the rest of the way.

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