Summary:

The Role of Feedback in Coaching: Balancing Guidance and Independence. In this solo episode of the Coaching Clinic, Angie dives into the complexities of providing feedback to clients. She discusses the importance of allowing clients to rely on their own observations rather than the coach's validation. Angie shares her strategies for addressing clients' habitual need for approval and explains how coaches can navigate this delicate aspect to encourage self-evaluation and independence in their clients. She also invites listeners to share their experiences and thoughts on managing feedback in coaching relationships.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Solo Session Announcement

00:59 The Challenge of Providing Feedback

03:27 The Importance of Client Self-Evaluation

04:47 Handling Habitual Validation Seekers

05:27 Personal Experience and Lessons Learned 07:43 Strategies for Redirecting Clients

11:02 Conclusion and Call for Feedback

Want to contact the show? You can leave us a voicemail. It's free to do, and we might feature you on our next episode. All you need to do is go to https://speakpipe.com/thecoachingclinicpodcast and leave us a message. You can also find our clips and full episodes on the exclusive Coaching Clinic YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@coachingclinicpodcast

You can send us a video or voice message on LinkedIn:

John's LinkedIn Profile or go to PresentInfluence.com for coaching enquiries with John

Angie's LinkedIn Profile or visit AngieSpeaks.com

2023 Present Influence Productions The Coaching Clinic: Grow Your Coaching Business & Master Coaching Skills 81

Hey everybody.

2

Angie here from the Coaching Clinic.

3

I am going to be solo today.

4

I do not have my counterpart, John with

me, but as you know, sometimes we do these

5

little solo recordings, so I'm excited.

6

I really was trying to think about

what I would want to talk about that

7

would be beneficial for all of you

as listeners to the podcast and.

8

Something came up for me and it's

something that I have experienced, I'm

9

sure John has as well, but guess what?

10

He's not here.

11

So we have to continue and forge,

forge board along without him,

12

but is, you know, when clients.

13

Ask you to give them feedback.

14

I have had so many occasions and I

still do to this day, and this is

15

not something that is about my growth

necessarily, depending on what the

16

response is, but I feel like it will,

it is now and probably will always be

17

a challenge that I face as a coach.

18

And that is to what level or degree

a client is asking for feedback.

19

So.

20

Baseline foundation, of course, I

always provide notes to the client.

21

I, I encourage them to take their

own notes because when you're

22

working for a long period of time,

I don't care if it's 12 sessions

23

or 15 or you know, three years.

24

The information just starts to, it starts

to, you know, accumulate and compound and

25

sometimes the small things are forgotten.

26

And I always like to have a reference

point for my clients, for them to

27

go back to and review their journey.

28

So there's that.

29

But I say to them, I'm providing

notes, but those notes are not

30

meant to take the place of your

own because what I value or I.

31

Observe in a session is not

necessarily what they're going

32

to value or observe in a session.

33

So it's really, you know,

their own observations.

34

They have that to reference and

then they have my reference.

35

But, so that to me is just baseline 1 0 1.

36

What you should be doing, I

think, as a coach to, to add value

37

to the work that you're doing.

38

I'd love to hear if you don't

agree with that, by the way.

39

Um, if there's anybody out there

that does not at all provide

40

notes, how is that going for you?

41

How do you utilize, um, if you

don't keep any notes, do you keep

42

notes and not send notes or do you

not keep notes and not send notes?

43

I'd be curious.

44

So get back to me on that,

angie@angiespeaks.com.

45

So love to hear from you.

46

But anyway, but also too,

um, so here's the thing.

47

So many times, and again, still to

this day, I have had clients come

48

back and say to me, well, what

are your thoughts on something?

49

What do you think of that?

50

Can you give me feedback?

51

Did I say something wrong?

52

And the thing that I am always

super cautious about is creating

53

a relationship where the client

becomes reliant on my validation of

54

whatever situation that they're in.

55

It's not healthy.

56

They should not.

57

And if they are looking for

it, how do you dissuade them?

58

How do you redirect them away from that?

59

Because.

60

What I think doesn't really matter, right?

61

So that doesn't mean, by the

way, that does not mean that I

62

don't give them feedback, right?

63

I might share a perspective or there

may be times where I might ask like,

64

Hey, might I share an alternative

perspective to that thought?

65

And again, being very careful not to

interject or even give them the answers.

66

And go, oh, see, yeah,

Angie, you know, coach Angie.

67

She, she knows she gets it.

68

I really respect her.

69

Therefore she's my new, um,

moral or my new compass.

70

No, that is, to me a very dangerous

place to be with a client because you're

71

not really helping them learn anything.

72

Right.

73

Self-evaluation is, I think, very

important throughout the entire process.

74

So what, okay, so what

do you do about that?

75

And generally I will, if it happens,

say one time or two times during a

76

co uh, a coaching relationship, the

first and or second time I might

77

say, well, let me ask you this.

78

I will follow it up with a question that

basically volleys the question back to

79

them and redirects them away from my

thoughts back to their own, however.

80

This is what I'm really talking about.

81

It's the habitual person that's

looking for validation, that's

82

looking for somebody to give them

the stamp of approval on something

83

or just approval in general.

84

Very cautious of that.

85

Let me tell you about a time where I

didn't even realize I was doing it.

86

So now I'm even more cautious

with how what, what wording I use.

87

But I was working with

somebody and I said.

88

And then in response to something they

shared, I said, oh my gosh, like that is

89

so great of you, et cetera, et cetera.

90

And I felt like it was relatively,

you know, benign, the comment.

91

And when I asked, which I always

do at the end of a session, you

92

know, for value, what did you value?

93

What worked, what didn't work?

94

And again, not because I need

the accolades, I need to know

95

what's resonating with the client.

96

But anyway.

97

The person said to me, you know what?

98

When you told me that this was great,

I felt judged, and I honestly, it was

99

like somebody splashed cold water on me.

100

I thought, what judged, because I didn't

mean it as a judgment, because why?

101

Because my perspective on

judgment was negative, right?

102

That negative judging is just negative.

103

It's usually bad feedback

or a negative feedback.

104

But that person was right,

even though what the feedback

105

was positive, it was still.

106

Being received by them as a judgment

of you are a good person or a good

107

boy, or a good girl, or, or, you

know, so if I didn't do it great, does

108

that mean that I'm bad in some way?

109

So even though it was layers deep,

it was very enlightening for me to

110

have a better perspective of a this

person's, uh, reception of words and

111

how I use them, what I say, you know?

112

Um.

113

I don't ever wanna say to a client,

I'm so proud of you for that.

114

Ooh, right.

115

That just sounds very like parental in

some way, or authoritative in some way.

116

So I am really careful about what

words I use and how they could

117

potentially be received as good

judgment or negative judgment, but.

118

Back to the original.

119

If somebody is asking me,

well, what are your thoughts?

120

Or, oh, Angie, why did you make that face?

121

Or like, the feedback that

I give isn't always verbal.

122

Sometimes if I'm doing a Zoom call, right,

a session that is done on Zoom and my

123

facial expression changes in some way.

124

That also can be received as a

judgment or you don't approve.

125

I've, these are actual things

that I've had people say to me,

126

and I feel like it's the coach.

127

It's my responsibility

to take that person.

128

The bigger issue.

129

Right.

130

The bigger issue is that they're looking

for me to validate and guide them

131

and tell them how they should feel.

132

And I do feel like as a coach,

it's my responsibility to.

133

As best I can help them

navigate out of that.

134

So when somebody incessantly, you

know, comp, uh, continuously asks for

135

feedback or what do you think of that?

136

I do not answer the question.

137

And if it does happen more than twice,

which is just my number, I don't know why.

138

I think that to me then.

139

Just illustrates a little

bit of a, um, dependency.

140

So I don't want that, right?

141

I don't want that.

142

So what do I do?

143

I literally will take the time in either

that session where I pause everything

144

or in the following session depending

on at what point they ask me, you know,

145

well, what are your thoughts, Angie?

146

Like, what did you value

in our session today?

147

I've had people say that to me.

148

What did you value?

149

And I will overarching

theme that, that answer.

150

I appreciate you've showed up

with vulnerability and create

151

and you know, whatever that is.

152

I'm making this up in the moment,

but I definitely always put it back.

153

But back to the pause.

154

I generally will pause this session or

address it in the next session and say,

155

Hey, there's something that I think we

need to discuss here, and are you open to

156

receiving this kind of feedback from me?

157

I do ask the permission because

what I'm going to say isn't

158

necessarily warm, fuzzy feel good.

159

I am going to address that there

is some kind of underlying need or

160

a pattern of them looking for my

approval, which I will not give.

161

And are they okay with that?

162

Are you okay with not

knowing what my position is?

163

Because this isn't about me.

164

When you're telling me something, I'm not

saying, well, I wouldn't do it that way.

165

I am literally.

166

I'm a master coach.

167

I am, I have, I have honed the skill

of receiving people where they are

168

at now, obviously that's, somebody

tells me they did something immoral

169

or against my own ethical brain.

170

I don't know, like they

kicked a dog or something.

171

Yeah.

172

I'm probably gonna have

some feelings about that.

173

In terms of personal growth and

development, I'm not their mama.

174

It's not my job to tell them what is or

isn't the right way to look at things.

175

It's to.

176

Encourage them to trust themselves so that

they don't need any external validations.

177

I am so curious to hear how you

receive this, how you treat this

178

even in your daily life, not even

just as a coach or a potential coach.

179

And did you hear something

today that resonated with you?

180

I am looking for that feedback.

181

We've been getting more and

more of it, so keep it coming.

182

We're loving it, and we will,

I think John will be back next

183

week, so we'll talk to you soon.

184

Bye for now.