In this episode we're exploring the benefits of networking and how to do it in a way that feels good and genuine as an online business owner. We'll talk about what networking means, and I'm sharing my personal journey and struggles with this skill, especially when it felt salesy and/or disingenuous.

We'll redefine 'networking' to make it a more authentic, service-driven approach and I'll give you three key strategies for successful networking: listen before speaking, build trust through vulnerability, and offer help without expecting anything in return.

Let's look at the importance of genuine connections and how these can be cultivated in both our personal and professional lives, plus I'll give you real tactics for how to network at an event.

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00:30 Personal Struggles with Networking

01:18 The Misconceptions of Networking

04:46 The Right Way to Network

05:34 The Wrong Way to Network

09:03 Building Genuine Relationships

11:30 Three Keys to Successful Networking

16:56 Applying Networking Principles to All Relationships

19:08 Conclusion and Call to Action

You're listening to burning brightly

episode 59, good versus bad at networking.

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This is Burning Brightly, a podcast

for Christian moms who are feeling

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called to build a business and

share their light with the world.

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I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, a life coach,

mom, and entrepreneur, and I'm honored

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to be your guide as you face this

business building adventure full of

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highs, lows, and everything in between.

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This is where we help each

other find the courage to shine.

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Hello friends today.

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We're going to talk about networking

and to be honest, I have never.

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Really loved and networking

for a variety of reasons.

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I've realized over the years

that I personally don't really

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love talking to strangers.

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When I have some sort of motive.

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I can talk to people all

day long about nothing.

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If you're just waiting in line with

me, I can talk to you about anything.

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If we're just riding the bus together.

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Sure.

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But I learned early on in my, in my

early twenties when I was a missionary.

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That having a purpose to talk

to someone because at the time

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I was trying to teach them about

Jesus and get them thinking about.

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They're greater purpose in life.

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Get them.

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Maybe to improve the

relationship with God.

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It felt like there was a lot of pressure

on the conversations that have just

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striking up a conversation about anything.

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And I found the same thing to be

true when I go into a situation where

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I think I have to sell something.

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And this I have found as a

business coach is very common among

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women, especially women of faith.

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We like to be service oriented.

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We don't like to ask for

things and spoiler alert.

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I'm actually going to tell you why

this is such a good thing and why

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we're going to be so good at business.

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If we can learn how to network correctly

and the quote unquote right way.

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I'll explain that in a minute.

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Now, why do you think I felt this way?

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Why do you think it was

difficult for me to.

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Embrace speaking to someone with a motive

when I had a reason to do so when I had

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something to talk to them about, right.

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Some, some action that I was

kind of hoping they would do.

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I was hoping they would

up a conversation about.

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God with me, or I was hoping they would

be interested in my network marketing.

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Product or whatever.

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Well, because humans are not designed to

build relationships, to get something.

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I mean, technically.

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Yeah.

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We start dating because we want

to find a mate and we want to get

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married and have a partner for life.

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We start talking to somebody at the

grocery store, maybe because we just

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want to feel better about our day and

we want to check in on someone else.

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Okay.

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There's something.

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For us in all of these conversations, but

when it feels predominantly one sided,

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it's human nature for that to feel icky.

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That's normal.

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We want friends, we want support.

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We want connection.

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But when we go into a conversation wanting

a sale or a convert or something like

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that, it can feel really disingenuous.

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It turns out I was doing

networking wrong this whole time.

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And I've finally learned how

to do networking in a way that

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feels really, really authentic

and yields really great results.

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You've probably noticed that lately

people have started calling MLM.

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So multi-level marketing companies.

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They've started calling them network

marketing companies, which makes sense.

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These are companies where you

go out and network with people

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and market in that way, right?

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Your group of friends or

families or contacts, and you

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try to sell them products.

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But I think that this use of the

word network has made us look

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at networking as salesy and icky

too, because unfortunately, a

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lot of people look down on MLMs.

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They're not all bad, but I think

that that's kind of dragged the word,

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networking through the mud a little bit.

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Here's the fact of the matter.

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No one wants to feel used.

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No one wants to be seen as a project.

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No one wants to be seen as

an obstacle to overcome.

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If I had learned this.

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At an early age as a missionary, I

would have understood that no one

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wants to be a convert or a checkmark.

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To be fair.

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I wasn't really looking at it

like that, but I think that's

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sometimes how people see it.

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If we really have that servant's heart,

then we will reach out to people in a

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way that is full of love and genuine.

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Curiosity, and that is what

makes the relationships.

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Purposeful and really meaningful.

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In reality, we all want

connection for connection's sake.

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We don't want it for any ulterior motive.

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So I have finally learned how to do this

over decades of talking to people and

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building businesses and, and trying to.

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Be more authentic in my

connections with people.

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And it feels so much better.

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You guys, I have to say, I

genuinely love networking.

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Now I love sitting together with other

business owners or with potential

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clients or just humans in general.

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I love to tell them about what I do.

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I love to ask them about their

lives and their businesses.

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If they have one, I love to

find connections in one way.

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Like maybe we know someone,

we have a common acquaintance.

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Maybe we have similar

hobbies or interests.

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Maybe we have kids the same age.

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It's genuinely a joy for me to find

connections with people in that way.

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So today I'm going to teach you the

three keys to networking the right

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way for your business and your life.

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And I'm going to say that in air

quotes the right way, obviously that

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is my opinion, but I've noticed that

I make more friends, more connections,

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further my goals better, and it just

feels better to network in this way.

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So I'll give you those

three keys in just a minute.

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In my mind for networking

to feel like the right way.

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It has to feel motivated from love,

motivated from curiosity and from

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a genuine desire to help people

and to be of service to them.

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That feels very Christ-like.

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To me, it feels very.

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Sustainable.

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It feels good.

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It doesn't feel spammy.

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It doesn't feel desperate or graspy.

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It just feels like I

could do it all day long.

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That's how I look at the

right type of networking.

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Now what I like to call the wrong way

of networking is something that is

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motivated from a desire to make a sale.

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Or to collect people or contacts or

to use people in a self-serving way.

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So here's a few examples of this

type of networking I've seen.

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That really does not feel good to

me Now, if this type of networking

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feels good to you and gets you the

results you're looking for and doesn't

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damage relationships, then go for it.

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But in my experience, it has not gone over

so well for me or for the people I know.

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One of these ways is cold, the DMS.

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So that looks like messaging

someone you've never talked to

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before, specifically with a pitch

for your product or service.

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I cannot tell you.

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How frustrating.

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This is to me to get these in my inbox.

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Now there's nothing wrong with

emailing someone and saying,

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Hey, I really like your show.

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Can I be a guest or, Hey,

that's just marketing, right?

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Hey, I really like this or that.

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But specifically on social

media where people gather to be

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social, to connect to network.

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To give me a cold pitch

via a direct message.

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Feels really spammy.

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It immediately tells me, Hey, the

only thing I want out of this message

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thread for me and you is a sale.

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Or a collaborations that's

going to benefit me.

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It just doesn't sit well with me.

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Now if you and I have chatted online.

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If maybe we have some friends in common,

maybe we followed each other for a while.

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We've commented on our stuff.

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For a while then to say, Hey,

I've been thinking, do you

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think we could do this thing?

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That would be mutually beneficial?

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Yeah, for sure.

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I will look into that.

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I will consider it.

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But those cold pitches.

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Really get under my skin.

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Another type of networking that

I really dislike is swapping

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contact info with someone who you

hope can help you in the future.

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Unless you are genuinely

interested in them now.

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That's different from

like telling a plumber.

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Oh my gosh.

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I could definitely use a plumber.

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Can I have your business

card or a coacher?

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Whoever?

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But to just say, oh,

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I like your audience.

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Give me your business card.

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Maybe I'll try to pitch you later.

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It just doesn't feel really.

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Genuine.

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Another way to network in what I think is

the wrong way is talking about yourself

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more than listening to another person.

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There is nothing that makes me want to end

the conversation faster than when someone

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yaks nonstop about themselves and their

qualifications and their accomplishments.

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I genuinely want to learn

about people, but if the whole

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conversation is about you.

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I'm going to be looking for

an exit in that conversation.

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And I'm sure you're exactly the same way.

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Nobody wants to feel like they're

just a dumping ground for everything

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that you want to talk about.

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Genuinely seek to listen first to

understand before being understood

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as Stephen Covey says it.

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And finally.

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The last action that

really makes me dislike.

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Networking.

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If you want to call it, that is

any sort of action or thought

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that objectifies a person.

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So looking at a person.

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By their follower account, looking

at a person by their popularity,

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by what they look like or how

they dress or the car they drive.

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This is all objectification.

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Instead of looking at the

human being you're looking at.

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Something that they own,

or that they control.

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And seeing if it can benefit you in some

way, we've all probably done this . In one

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way or another, and it doesn't feel great.

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Objectifying a person is never.

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Uh, Christian thing to do.

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And if we're really honest with

ourselves, we would never want

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to be treated that way either.

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So.

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Cole DMS swapping contact

info just to further your own.

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Self-interests talking about

yourself more than listening to

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the other person and any thought or

action that objectifies a person.

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Those are my four big

no-nos in networking.

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Okay.

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So before I get to the three.

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Successful ways to network in a

way that I think is the right way.

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Let me just remind us of what a

natural customer journey looks like.

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Not just a customer journey,

but a collaborative journey.

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So that looks like me wanting to

collaborate with another business

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owner in a way that benefits both of

us, this journey looks really similar.

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So it starts with becoming

friends in some way.

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Maybe getting someone's attention,

maybe offering value to them, making

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a connection in some way, whether

it's on social media or in person or.

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Because they watched your

video where you watch theirs.

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The second step is just

nurturing, plain and simple.

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It's developing that relationship.

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For a business owner, maybe sending

emails, maybe talking on social media,

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maybe creating podcasts or videos, it's

giving value nonstop to help that person.

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And then finally we offer even

more value and we ask for the sale.

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That is what a natural customer

journey looks like or a collaboration.

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We can also become friends with a person.

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Nurture that relationship comment on their

social media they come on down years.

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Maybe you send a couple emails, asking

questions, learning more about them, and

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then you could offer a collaboration.

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Hey, I've got this idea.

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Would you be interested

in doing a video with me?

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Would you be interested in being

on my podcast or I could be

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on yours and you ask for that.

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Escalation of the relationship.

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And if you notice.

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This journey is really similar to

regular relationships in our lives to

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friendships or to dating relationships.

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When you meet a new person, you

strike up a conversation, usually

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based on mutual interests, maybe

you're just standing in line.

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Wow.

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These grocery store lines are

a lot longer than I realized.

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Yeah, no kidding.

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And you joke for a minute.

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Maybe you find an interest and you want to

pursue that person in one way or another.

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So you swap contact information and

then we nurture the relationship.

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Right?

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Maybe we go on dates.

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If it's a romantic relationship where

we hang out, we have conversations

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via text or Marco polo or email.

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So nurturing, nurturing, nurturing,

developing that relationship

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into something more solid.

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And then finally we choose whether

or not to escalate the relationship.

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If we still really like the

person, we might say, Hey.

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Let's become best friends.

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Hey, let's go on a girls' trip

together or let's date more

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seriously or become engaged.

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That's how all our relationships

naturally progress.

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So it only makes sense that potential

clients, customers, or collaborative.

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Partners would progress in

the same way, making those

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relationships, we can't skip steps.

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It feels really false and people

will see it from a mile away.

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All right.

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So we've talked about all

the wrong ways to do it.

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Let's talk about what I like to

think of as the right way to network.

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Number one there's three key ones.

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Okay.

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Although there's lots of different

tips that I could add here, but

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three key ways to network correctly.

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Number one.

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Listen before you speak.

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Who is this person?

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Try to create a mnemonic

for remembering their name.

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Names are hard for me.

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I remember faces all the time,

but I forget names a lot.

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So very often I'll try to come up with

a easy way to memorize their name.

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Right.

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Maybe based on how they

look or where I met them.

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Ask what they're interested in.

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What do they struggle with

really care about this person?

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Don't just ask questions.

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Cause you think, oh, Bonnie

told me this is the right way to

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network and I really want to have

this contact person in my phone.

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But be genuinely curious if this were

your daughter or your best friend, what

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would you ask them about themselves?

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What would you really

care to know and learn?

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So listen, first, it doesn't

mean you only have to listen.

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Right?

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People start to notice when

the conversation is one-sided

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one way or the other.

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You can talk about yourself as well.

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And that's how you make connections.

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They share something you

say, oh, That sounds like me.

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I'm a lot like that as well, and

you make an extra, so that way.

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Okay.

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Number two, build that know like, and

trust factor by being vulnerable yourself.

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Lots of people online experts,

coaches, business owners, think that

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they can only share the highs and.

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A lot of humans are starting to

realize that that feels false.

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And now we're seeing a lot

more vulnerability online.

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Thank goodness.

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Sometimes to a fault we don't need to see

and know everything about everyone's life.

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It is important to maintain

a sense of privacy.

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I believe.

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But share your highs and lows online.

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You are not a perfect robot.

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And even though you might think, well,

if I show a low or a mistake or something

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that upsets me, people are going to

think that I'm not as much of an expert.

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And I have found it to

be completely opposite.

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The more vulnerable I

am online or in person.

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The deeper, the connections

are that I make with people.

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You are a human being who likely has

things you can share and teach others.

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And many of those lessons are going

to come through your own mistakes.

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So be willing to share them.

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Do not show up with a perfect Vineer

either in person or online, it screams

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false hood and nobody wants to make a

connection or nurture a relationship

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with someone who is not being real.

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Again.

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There's a limit to this.

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We don't have to share all our mistakes

and problems with the whole world,

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but when someone says, you know, I'm

really struggling to get clients,

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you can say, you know what, me too.

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Summer's been kind of a beast.

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I haven't gotten any clients in

a little while or, you know what?

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I had a period like that too, or I'm

still struggling with that, whatever

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it may be to connect with that person

in a way that is authentic by sharing

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some of your vulnerable moments.

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Number three offer to help expecting, and

this is key expecting nothing in return.

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Now, I know this doesn't

sound like an easy or even a

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good way to build a business.

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You can't give away everything for free.

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I acknowledge that.

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But successful business

owners are service minded.

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The more service and value

you put into the world.

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The more people are going to

be willing to pay you for it.

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It's true.

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A lot of people think wife to

keep it all close to the vest,

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because if I give it away for free,

no one will ever pay me for it.

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But if you look at the super

successful moguls of today, they're

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the ones that give back a ton.

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So I'm going to give you an example.

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You might have heard of Russell Brunson.

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He is a marketing genius

and is a billionaire.

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I believe.

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He's very, very successful

at what he does.

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And in his books, he actually admits,

I give away all my frameworks.

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For very, very cheap within my books.

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You can buy his books

for like seven or $8.

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In fact, I think he even gives them away.

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You just pay shipping.

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Everything he teaches

people is in those books.

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And they're only a few dollars.

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He also sells his knowledge for

tens of thousands of dollars on

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a one-on-one coaching basis or

a small group coaching basis.

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How does that work?

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How can he give away his information?

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And I think he does it in

free challenges as well.

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Or in cheap books and also still.

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Charged tens of thousands of dollars.

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Well, it depends on the

level of access, right?

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I'm not going to have the same success

reading his book as I would being in

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the same room with him and being able

to ask questions and that sort of thing,

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but he's not afraid to give away his

knowledge and his expertise for free.

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Because the more service and

value you put out there, the

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more we'll come back to you.

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I firmly believe that because guess what?

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Now I know.

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Now that I've bought,

Russell's brought books.

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I know how much value he

has and how smart he is.

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And if I had the capability or the option

to be in the room with him, you better

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believe that I would take him up on it.

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Okay.

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So you get to do the same thing,

offer to help people and don't

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expect anything in return.

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Again, within reason don't give

away free coaching forever.

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You're never going to build a business

that way, but you can give away

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an hour of free coaching a week.

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I do that in my office hours.

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Anyone can come for

free and ask questions.

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And frankly, that's where

I get a lot of clients.

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People come and talk to me, they get help

and they realize, oh, she can help me.

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And she's kind of nice.

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Okay.

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I'll sign up for more coaching with her.

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Did you see if I had.

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Withheld that help.

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And never offered it for free.

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I might never have gotten those

clients because they wouldn't

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have known that I could help them.

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They wouldn't have gotten

that little taste of me.

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All right.

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So those are the three ways

that I love to network and have

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served me really, really well.

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Again, listen, before you talk,

build the know like, and trust

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factor by being vulnerable and being

willing to share your failures.

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And number three offer to

help with no expectations.

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Within reason, of course only

give away what you can afford

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to time-wise energy-wise but

be willing to serve for free.

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So, what I've noticed is when

we implement these three.

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Factors, not just in networking,

but in any relationship, it

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instantly makes us connect quicker

and stronger with other people.

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When I listened to my loved ones

with curiosity and with love.

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When I'm vulnerable with

them and I'm aiming for true

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connection and I'm offering to

help them in a way that I can do.

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Sustainably.

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Then.

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It.

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Strengthens any relationship?

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Think about when you want to connect more

with your kids or your husband or your

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best friend, you do those three things.

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You listen to them.

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You are vulnerable yourself.

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You open up and you offer

to help them in a way.

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That will make their life better.

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That's how we do it with our

customers, our clients, and

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potential collaborators as well.

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This is the only way we're going to

create collaborations, professional

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relationships and clients that

last, and that truly love us.

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I know there are probably people

you follow or purchase things from

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online that you truly, truly love.

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And you think they're amazing, wonderful

people, and you would give them your

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money and your business forever.

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And it's likely because they have

shown these three ways of networking.

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Even if you've never met them in person

they've likely listened or wanted to

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listen, they've likely been vulnerable

and they've likely offered lots of

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help to you with no expectations.

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So when we show up to networking

from a spirit of service that

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servant's heart and because we

want to create impact in the world.

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Not because we're graspy or desperate

for a sale, it will work so much better.

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Energy is a palpable thing.

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When you show up at a desperation,

it pushes people away.

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I've seen it happen.

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The more desperate you get, the worse

it is, but when you show up out of

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service, Out of gratitude with lots

of confidence that you can help people

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people will naturally be attracted

to you and want to help you back.

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Remember, we have to believe that

everything is working for our good.

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When we don't believe that

that's when we fall into graspy

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ness and desperation, right.

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We start thinking, oh, it's all up to me.

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No.

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God's got it all planned.

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It is all up to him, but you have

to do the work of showing up in

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a Christ-like servant manner.

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When we operate out of that

beautiful space instead of

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that dirty, desperate space.

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All that is good and is

meant for us will come to us.

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I firmly believe that.

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And I can't wait for you

to see it in your life to.

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Thanks for listening friends.

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Are you ready to start or

grow your dream business?

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Click the link in the show notes to

download the free starter guide to

449

building a business or to schedule

a free coaching call And if you

450

loved this episode, Don't forget

to leave a review and share it with

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a friend who might be feeling the

call to burn a little brighter.