Thanks to our Partners, Pico Technology, Autel, and Independent Wrench Jobs

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Minnesota’s been a pressure cooker lately—and watching people process the same event in completely opposite ways has been… a lot. Matt sits down again with Margaret Light (LMFT, Equilibrium Therapy Services) to talk about why we’re so reactive, how cognitive distortions hijack conversations, and why “how we fight” matters more than the topic. Then we drag all of it into the repair shop—because if you’ve ever tried to explain “it’s not the same problem” to a stressed-out customer, you’ve already lived this episode.

Key Topics Covered

1. Why two people can watch the same event and walk away with 180° different realities
2. The collapse of shared “ground rules” and the rise of contempt-as-a-personality
3. Cognitive distortions in the wild: all-or-nothing thinking, “shoulds,” rationalization, deflection, confirmation bias
4. Holding multiple truths at once (without your brain blue-screening)
5. Professional standards vs. personal judgment (“should” vs. conduct)
6. Grandiosity: why it feels good and why it burns relationships down
7. How online reactivity becomes practice—and then leaks into work and home
8. Repair shop translation: The “same problem / not the same problem” infinite loop. De-escalation without admitting guilt. Curiosity as a tool: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Perspective-taking as a discipline (yes, Richard Feynman makes a cameo)
9. Star Wars logic traps: “If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy”… uh… that’s a Sith problem

Memorable Quotes (for the description or socials)

1. “If you’re not with me, then you are my enemy.” (and yes, we know… Sith energy)
2. “The first thing I assess isn’t what couples are fighting about—it’s how they’re fighting.”
3. “You do what you practice.” (online included)
4. “One of the hardest things to do is maintain a moderate position in response to something extreme.”
5. “Someone has to do something different—or you’ll just repeat the same statement forever.”

The Shop Takeaway (listener-facing)

If you work with people—customers, coworkers, leadership—you’re going to deal with different realities. The fix isn’t “win the argument.” The fix is:

1. Clarify the goal of the conversation (support? facts? policy? emotion?)
2. Validate emotion without surrendering standards
3. Replace “No you’re wrong” with curiosity + explanation
4. Keep integrity: don’t fight dirty even when they do

Practical Script: Front Counter Comeback Loop When a customer says, “It’s doing the same thing again,” try:

1. Validate fear without admitting fault
2. “Okay—I hear why that feels really concerning, especially after the money you just invested.”
3. Clarify their definition of ‘same’
4. “Help me understand what you’re seeing that makes it feel like the exact same issue.”
5. Ask permission to explain
6. “Are you open to hearing what we found and how it’s different from last time?”

Bridge with a shared goal

“My goal is the same as yours: make this make sense and get you back to confidence in the car.”

Guest Bio

Margaret Light is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the president of Equilibrium Therapy Services, serving clients in Minnesota and Wisconsin. She helps individuals and couples build better relational toolkits, identify blind spots, and replace reactivity with effective communication. https://www.equilibriumtherapyservices.org/

Thanks to our Partner, Pico Technology

Are you chasing elusive automotive problems? Pico Technology empowers you to see what's really happening. Their PicoScope oscilloscopes transform your diagnostic capabilities. Visit PicoAuto.com

Thanks to our Partner, Autel

From drivability diagnostics and TPMS service to ADAS and advanced safety systems, Autel helps technicians follow OEM procedures and repair with confidence. Learn more at Autel.com

Thanks to our Partner, Independent Wrench Jobs

Independent Wrench Jobs is a new, tech-only community to help you find better independent shops—fair dispatch, steady work, real leadership. No games.

Built by Technician Find—serving the industry since 2017. Join free at IndependentWrenchJobs.com

Contact Information

1. Email Matt: mattfanslowpodcast@gmail.com
2. Diagnosing the Aftermarket A - Z YouTube Channel

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