What would it look like to renew your mind by allowing God to meet you in the thoughts you’ve been struggling to change on your own?

In this thought-provoking episode of the Collide Podcast, we sit down with therapist Emily Weidlich, MA, LPC to talk about reframing negative thought patterns as we step into a new year. Emily shares how our internal narratives are often shaped by past experiences—and how, with compassion and curiosity, we can begin to understand and gently challenge those thoughts. Drawing from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy, and self-compassion, she offers practical insight into noticing what we think, naming what we feel, and responding to ourselves with grace. Whether you’re feeling stuck in cycles of self-criticism, longing for emotional clarity, or hoping to start the year with intention, this episode will remind you that change begins with awareness and kindness toward yourself.

Meet Emily Weidlich

Emily is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in counseling from Western Seminary and a psychology degree from Multnomah University. Born and raised in Portland, Oregon, she brings a grounded, relational approach to therapy that helps clients better understand their stories and inner world. Emily is passionate about creating a safe, supportive space where people can process the past, identify their needs, and develop healthier, more adaptive ways of thinking and responding to life.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

1. How to recognize and reframe negative thought patterns without shame
2. Why understanding your past can bring freedom in your present
3. The connection between thoughts, emotions, and unmet needs
4. How self-compassion can transform the way you relate to yourself
5. Practical ways to approach the new year with intention rather than pressure

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If you’ve ever felt trapped by your own thoughts or frustrated by patterns you can’t seem to break, this episode will help you feel seen and supported. You’ll be reminded that healing doesn’t require perfection—just honesty, curiosity, and compassion—and that you’re allowed to move forward with grace, one thought at a time.

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It sounds like some kind of futuristic movie, but it is right now. So often, you and I and everyone and their brother sets New Year's resolutions right about now. And so we get sort of self evaluative.

And this episode that you're about to listen to with therapist Emily Widlich, her and I chat about reframing negative thought patterns that seal our joy. And so much of what she had to say felt super helpful and healthy to me.

And I hope it blesses you as you can listen to this conversation and really take it into consideration as you set New Year's goals and resolutions. I hope that you will learn to be more kind and compassionate to yourself as a result of this interview. Emily was born and raised in Portland.

She is such a sweetie. She holds a master's in counseling, and she played competitive volleyball. She loves animals. She's a talented artist who enjoys painting.

And this conversation was just super fantastic.

So take a listen, and while you're listening, if you have a friend who, you know, needs to hear this, press share or copy the link or whatever while you're listening to it. I know I have a few friends that I want to share this to as well. Take a listen.

Yeah, thank you, Willow, for having me.

Oh, man, I can't even believe I'm saying that. It just doesn't feel real. I am so excited to have you on the podcast today. We have lots of great guests, but I especially love having a therapist on.

I think the Lord uses your work so much in the world and in women's lives, and I know there's women listening who will be deeply touched by what you have to say. So I just want to start off by thanking you for taking time and space to. To come and do this with us.

Yeah, no, thank you. I love what I do. And so getting to, you know, support people from a different platform is fun as well. So thank you for having me.

Yeah, for sure.

So we were thinking when we invited you on about having a conversation with you as a therapist on reframing negative thought patterns that threaten to steal our joy.

Like in the new year, as everybody's doing the whole setting goals and resolutions and evaluating where their life is and where they want their life to be, there can often be this realization that there needs some reframing that needs to happen in Our lives. So I'd love to just jump out of the gate and ask you how. How is it possible for someone who thinks negatively to begin to think positively? Is that.

Is that actually possible? Is this transformation, like, able to happen?

Oh, yeah. And that's a resounding yes. Just so we're clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's absolutely is possible.

And, you know, I think a lot of us struggle with negative thoughts a lot of the times because of our internal voice. And our internal voice is typically developed over time throughout the whole course of our lives. And it really stems from, you know, the.

The primary people in our lives. So whether that's our parents or coaches or teachers or just really kind of those primary influences.

It also stems from popular media and just kind of culture. So we often have these internal voices that we've kind of internalized, and then they become our viewpoint.

They become our framework for how we address just life and what comes our way. So when we're talking about kind of that negative viewpoint or that negative lens, oftentimes that's part of what's being fueled.

And then it takes a lot of effort. It really does. So it's possible. But it does take intentionality and awareness that. That's kind of our framework. So it's possible.

It's a whole process to go through in terms of retraining our brains, because that's really what's involved. But, yeah, so that's kind of. It is possible, definitely.

But there's a lot of background and trying to understand, you know, where did that negativity originally come from? And that's what I would really encourage people to be able to recognize, is that it came from somewhere. When we're.

When we're talking to ourselves in a negative way or in a way that's damaging. It's really. It's something that has been developed. It's not something that's just coming from an internal source.

And so that, I think, is an important piece to recognize because it kind of externalizes the problem a little bit and helps us understand that there was a process to get here, which means that there's gonna be a process that we also have to go through to kind of reframe that.

I love that. Cause it feels like a gentle invitation. Like, it took a while to get here. It might take a while to undo this.

Instead of feeling this pressure that we have to change the way we think overnight before we get into talking about that process, what that process could look like, recognizing internal voices. I mean, I have a million questions for you, I'm just thinking about someone listening.

They're in their kitchen right now, or on the treadmill or in their car or whatever.

And, you know, the ways we listen to podcasts, and they hopped on here today and maybe they didn't hop on because they think they have, like, a negative mindset. And I think a lot of us maybe think negatively, and we don't even realize we're doing it. So can we start with how to.

How to spot some indicators that might, you know, an indicator light that might be saying, hey, the way you're thinking isn't helpful or healthy?

Yeah, well, that's a great place to start. I love that. Because that is really part of that awareness is really even knowing what to look for. Right. Um, so I would say one of the.

One of the most common and kind of pervasive types of negative thinking really, really comes from self criticism.

And when that's happening, we're often utilizing this framework of, man, I just need to kind of pick myself up on my bootstraps and I should be able to do this. Or there's a lot of shoulds. It's kind of. Which is naturally a comparison. And yeah, so there's a lot of comparison.

There's self criticism saying, I should be able to do this better, or I did that so badly. So that's. That's a big component.

And, you know, one of the reasons why self criticism is actually, we're told in society that's the way that you improve, that you can identify all the things you're doing wrong and then you can fix them. And what research has really shown is that self criticism actually, if at all, doesn't really create sustainable change. It might.

You might see a little bit of an uptick in, you know, productivity or whatever it is that you're trying to focus on, but long term, it's actually more discouraging than it is motivating.

And so the alternative, and we can talk more about this a little bit later too, but give a little sneak peek, is, is self compassion and actually being able to stay curious about your experience as opposed to jump to assumptions or just kind of trying to beat yourself into submission a little bit, like, you just need to do this and then everything will be fine. So self criticism, I would say, is kind of one of those. One of those frameworks that really is hard to pick up on.

Again, we're told it's a good thing in many, many ways, and yet it's actually pretty damaging at times.

So this is such a funny Example. And I don't know why this is in my brain, but I have a very intense son. Like, anything he does, he's just like, you know, let's do this.

And he's like, intense. And many years ago, like five years ago, my husband and my son put a gym in our garage. And my son was like, mom, I'm.

I want to do physical training with you. And we go in the gym. And he just was like, you're trash, Mom. You're trash. Like, the only way to build strength is to know you're trash.

And it was like this whole experience, we laugh about it now, like five years later, because I almost cried. I was like, this is the most unmotivating experience ever. I was like, aiden, I'm motivated by positivity.

But he had had an experience, I think, with a coach or something that taught him, like, oh, the way to motivate people is to totally tear them down so they want to build themselves back up. And I was like, this isn't working for me. I'm never going to want to work out.

So I'm just picturing us like, that's such an interesting idea that you're bringing the table. That culture kind of tells us self criticism is a good thing when in actuality it's really harmful.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. No. And I think that's a really great example of exactly how, you know, we're told.

And, you know, I was a. I was a college athlete as well, actually. And so I can really relate to those, those coaches voices of saying, you know, oh my gosh, like, you could do so much better than that.

And even in that framework, it's not as much as you're trash, but it's still saying you're not enough. And so from a lack, you have to move forward.

And I think that, you know, if we've accepted Christ, then we actually know that we're already made enough.

And it's from that, that framework that we get to kind of that invitation to continue to grow, knowing that we're actually okay and that we are still safe. So that's kind of the difference between I'm operating as if I have to earn my worth and I have to, you know, create.

Create my goodness versus I already believe that I'm loved. And now from that framework, I just get to celebrate, you know, the gift that it is to. To work out or to play sports or to do whatever that is.

And you know, of course we want to. We want to improve.

Like, that's actually a really beautiful Thing, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get better, but when we're berating ourselves, it actually just serves kind of the opposite purpose than what we think it will. So.

Well, and it's interesting that you bring up if we're, you know, a believer in Christ and we operate from this place of knowing we're already loved because so many people's experience with Christ and Christian community is around sort of a theology that you are trash, that you do suck, and you are a big bad sinner, and that's all, and you have to work yourself out of that hole somehow. That's like some people's experience. So I know we're going to break down, you know, so much of the stuff.

But I'm curious, when you have clients come into your office and obviously you can't speak about specific clients, but just in general, when you have women come in your office, do they tend to come in and go, I know I'm self debasing, or are they talking to you? And as they're talking to you, you're picking up on the fact that they are constantly in this mode of self criticism and they don't even see it.

The latter for sure. Yeah, A lot of it, really.

When I have clients come in, they are mainly focusing on maybe a behavioral problem in their life or relational problem, and they're just experiencing a lot of distress. And they're saying, I am desperate for something to change. And I don't really know what that looks like, but I know what's happening is not okay.

And I'm, you know, scared, overwhelmed, in pain, whatever that looks like. And so that's their cue that something's not going well. But they're often kind of unsure of what's really kind of the core component of that.

And really, that is, Willow, where I've seen women kind of unaware of what they're actually saying to themselves. And it's really cool. This is part of the, one of the reasons why I love my work.

But getting to kind of highlight that for them and be like, wow, that's actually really sad to hear you say that about yourself or man, that's actually a pretty painful way to view who you are and your worth. And it's pretty remarkable to see kind of their faces shift of like, oh, that is actually really sad versus, no, I believe it's true.

I believe that, you know, I'm not worthy. I believe that, you know, I'm doing something wrong all the time or whatever that looks like.

So to see them kind of view it through a different lens is pretty. Yeah, it's, it's pretty inspiring to get to see that kind of shift in perspective of, wow, do I really deserve to be talked to that way?

And that's what's tricky, to kind of circling back a little bit. Those internal voices often have come from somewhere. And so that's where that pain can really manifest as, you know, noticing.

Oh, well, someone actually did tell me that. And that really speaks and deep.

And so that's part of the work of therapy is to rewrite, to reparent and to invite, you know, when it's appropriate, the Holy Spirit to, to help shift our understanding of, you know, really who am I, what is my identity and how am I speaking to myself? So that's a lot of like, foundational work. I know. And it does, like, it takes time. It's a, it's a journey.

But that, but that is part of kind of what long term, long term change really looks like in being able to rewrite some of those painful moments and those painful voices and being able to be more in alignment with, you know, what we really are able to believe about ourselves. So.

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But that is, but that is part of kind of what long term change really looks like in being able to rewrite some of those painful moments and those painful voices and being able to be more in alignment with, you know, what we really are able to believe about ourselves.

So I love that you're talking about the power of, first of all, awareness, like becoming aware that we are criticizing ourselves. And you're also showing us, I mean, we really can't do that alone.

Like, that's the power of having a therapist or a pastor or a good friend or a spouse. Or something. It's almost holding up a mirror and saying, do you see this, like, reflecting back? This is what I just heard you say.

That's something I can't often do for myself, but someone else can do for me. So I love that you're sort of illustrating that.

Once a woman becomes aware that she's criticizing herself, what are some questions that you ask that maybe we can ask ourselves that help us identify whose voice this is? Like, you call them internal voices, but you've also suggested that they're connected to a past experience. So how do we draw the line from.

Okay, I hear what this voice is telling me. Where did it come from? Where did I first pick it up?

Yeah, yeah. No, that's. That's a great question. I think. So maintaining that. That stance of curiosity is kind of a big.

A big part of that, because often when we first hear, oh, yeah, I am speaking to myself, you know, in a really negative way or very meanly, then we start to be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so horrible to myself. Why can't I just stop? So then. Then we kind of just pile it on a little bit.

And so I would just invite anybody who's listening to just be aware that we're. We're just noticing, and it's okay to just be honest with kind of what is coming up for you.

And if you notice that you feel frustrated, frustrated towards yourself, you know, that's okay, but we need to acknowledge that. And so just noticing and kind of without a lot of angst, just kind of saying, okay, this is.

This is kind of the voice that I'm hearing, and asking yourself, like, I wonder if there's anything that this voice reminds me of. Maybe that's like a moment in time or a period in our life.

Maybe this voice comes out a lot more around certain subjects, like, for instance, New Year's resolutions or any goals that we might have.

And in that, then we can start to piece together, you know, maybe I did just have an experience where I had this goal, and I pursued it with this single mind.

And I read this book, and that really kind of cemented this approach that I just need to be harsh on myself, and then I can fix all the problems in my life, and then. And then I'll finally feel peace. So maybe. Maybe it's that, or maybe it is. Wow. I do remember that, you know, my.

My parent actually focused a lot on the ways that I wasn't performing well when I was doing many other things that were really great, but they just Continued to come back to the areas that I needed to kind of shore up. And that. That felt really defe.

It kind of is just really recognizing, you know, what are some themes and sometimes we don't know right away and that's okay.

I don't think we always have to go all the way back to start to shift kind of in the present moment what our voice sounds like because we get to choose right here and now, which is a gift. But it can definitely be helpful just to understand our own stories and to foster that self compassion of like man, that.

That has been really hard to hold that and then to even sustain that throughout my life. So it kind of just creates a little bit more kindness towards ourselves.

You used a word that I don't want to just skip over because I think it might be an interesting thing to discuss and maybe something that people aren't familiar with or some people aren't, which is use the word reparent. Can you talk to us about what that means and why it's important?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

No, that's a really, a really powerful concept that basically stems from the fact that when we're children, we don't always have healthy and safe parents. And that is a really unfortunate reality of a really broken world. But that is super real.

And so a lot of the times when we have pain in childhood that exists within us, it doesn't just go away.

And so re parenting is this process of, you know, as an adult connecting with this part of you that experienced that pain and helping them through this kind of almost framework of, you know, you can use parts language, which is like, there's a part of me that is present is an adult gets to make their own choices. But there's also a part of me that experienced a lot of pain when I didn't have choice and I didn't get to choose my parents.

And so kind of the interaction between the two is this invitation to, you know, meet yourself in a really kind and compassionate, compassionate and parental way. You know, it can look very different depending on your modality as a therapist and all of that.

But really it's just approaching that child self with kindness and understanding and actually being what that child self needed in that moment. And so that's offering it often just empathy, compassion, safety, and saying, hey, I hear that, you know, this situation feels unsafe.

If we're feeling kind of activated as an adult and getting to say, hey, I'm hearing you and I'm going to take steps to set some boundaries here because I can choose now. But I'm hearing that you're upset and you're scared and it makes sense based on your experiences.

So it's that opportunity to make different choices based on the needs of that inner child. So that's kind of the framework. I hope that is. It's.

No, no. I love it so much and I'm actually laughing on the inside.

And this is true confessions, but I had a moment this year where I was triggered and I like some childhood pain stuff was triggered and I didn't know that's what was happening in the moment. And the way that I acted, I felt ashamed about afterwards in a circumstance. And so I took this to my therapist.

And as you're talking, I can hear my therapist, she always does this thing. She kind of rubs her chest like right up here by her neck in circles. And she says something like what she said to me.

But now I've since realized she's saying what you're basically saying, which is like, what did the. The part in you that's a little girl, what did she need in that moment?

And I had never thought about when I had this triggering experience, what I needed, like what the little girl in me needed in that moment. And when I started to like really think about that, that was such a, like unique idea of like, oh, how do I parent that girl?

That was like triggered in that moment.

And if I would have done that, like, and I don't mean this to shame myself, but if I had that tool, if I would have known about it, I think I wouldn't have had the wounded reaction I had, which caused a whole host of other weirdness. And so I love this idea of re parenting. And I think it can be life changing. Sometimes it's like, oh, wait, am I like multi personality?

Like my adult self is talking to my child self? What do you have to say about that, Emily?

Yeah, totally. No, I've definitely had a lot of clients be like, this is interesting.

Yes, it is for sure.

So it's very, very understandable reaction. But yeah, it's basically, I totally understand where the skepticism, maybe even discomfort comes from, but it does make sense in that.

And I use this kind of framework with clients in explaining it is basically like in different situations, we show up differently. There's different parts of us that pull forward in one setting.

And maybe at work and then at home, we might have some different traits that actually come out a little bit more.

And so it's just recognizing that there are different parts of ourself that it can just be Helpful to kind of isolate them a little bit and say, oh, this is one part of me that has kind of its own agenda. Like for instance, the work part of me wants to be really productive and helpful and all these things.

But then at home my goal is to be present and just enjoy and kind of sit back. Right. So there's different motivations there of those different parts. And so it's just different kind of language.

Especially if you tend to be more creative, you might really enjoy that framework.

It can be really helpful for clients to kind of even imagine these different parts and to feel like, okay, I can see them and I can understand them and once we can see and understand and we often can empathize and connect with them. So yeah, so it's kind of this whole, whole thing, but it can definitely be helpful for people.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting that it feels so foreign to be invited to minister to yourself. Like I think a lot of us even, like if you were a leader in high school or something, there's like clubs and you. There's little work.

I remember this in high school, like workshops on how to be a good listener and how to, you know, like in our lives we know we need to love our neighbor and like care for a friend and like have compassion for a friend, but we haven't really been taught how to have compassion for the parts of ourselves that really need it. And so I, I think that's a really interesting idea.

Tell us how we can or, or what are some tools we can put in our tool belt to get better at this self compassion thing?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So tools specifically, you know, being able to again acknowledge first what's going on. So that awareness is a really big component of that.

The other piece is really paying attention practically to your tone of voice. So some of us have a very audible voice in our head when we're talking. Others are just kind of like their, their thoughts flying through.

So that can look a little bit different, but really noticing like, man, am I holding a lot of tension in my voice? Is it loud? Is it harsh? What is that really like, if I were to say this out loud, how would it sound? And that can be really helpful to start to shift.

Okay, how can I soften that? What does it look like? Just to quiet even my body. So it's kind of this mind body connection piece as well. And to start to then practice curiosity.

So that's where you practicing questions. You know, I wonder what's going on for me right now. I wonder, you Know what I'm feeling right now?

I wonder where this desperation to change is coming from. And just assuming that there is an answer sometimes, again, we don't always know what that is right away, so it might take some time.

And that's where we get to practice patience. Patience with ourselves. And again, with that kind of kindness and compassion of, okay, it's okay that we don't know it right now.

And we can take time to figure that out. There's no rush. So kind of slowing down is a part of this too. You know, it's hard to do compassion quickly say, like, oh, care about you. Bye. Right.

So being patient and soft and gentle with ourselves is kind of that heart posture. But then practically it also looks like, what does our tone of voice sound like? What questions are we asking?

And then at that point, are we able to empathize? Empathize. So that's kind of an empathy statement of, okay, it makes sense that I'm feeling whatever emotion it is because of this.

And that's actually something that we're taught in school is as a foundational concept is giving an empathy statement. And when you're doing that for a client, you're saying you feel blank, because blank.

And so you're pairing an emotion with a reason to help somebody make sense of what's going on for them. And so we want to try to do that for ourselves. You know, it makes sense. And so there's something about.

And I actually say that to my clients a lot like, wow, so we can see that it makes a lot of sense, you know. And for instance, Willow, in.

In that situation that you brought up, you know, it sounds like you were able to get to that place where you're like, wow, it actually made sense. But I responded that way because that little girl was coming out and there was something, something there that I didn't realize.

And so there's something about that that is so relieving and. And it really takes the intensity of our distress down. It's pretty powerful. So that's kind of some of the tools.

Well, and to prop you in the work you do. And my therapist, I don't know in that specific example, if I could have gotten there on my own, maybe I will in the future.

But in that specific example, I needed her to reflect back to me. This makes sense because.

And she connected old childhood trauma with what I was experiencing in a, like a modern day moment that I hadn't connected for myself.

And so that is the power of, like taking some of these, like, really sacred Big things in our mind and heart and plopping them down with someone who's trusted, who can kind of help us make sense out of things that don't make sense to us.

It's hard to sort out everything on our own.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, that's part of the reason why we are social beings, right. Is, you know, we weren't. We weren't made to be in isolation.

And yet sometimes too.

And I think in just the way that I present counseling as kind of, you know, a tool we have, some of us have like, really supportive, like friend groups or family members or mentors, things like that. Some of us don't. And so especially important then to. To be able to have access to somebody.

But even then, a lot of the times those individuals have such, such intentional, like good intentions and intentional hearts, but they haven't been trained in how to sit with somebody in their most vulnerable moment.

And what I've seen and heard from people is that, you know, it's vitally important to have other support people, but to be able to access, you know, professional support just kind of takes that healing process and makes it a little bit easier to be a part of because there's, you know, we're imperfect. And this is true as well for counselors. Like, we're imperfect people, but we're also. We've done a lot of training.

And I had supervisors really hone me and saying, hey, we need to. You need to adjust your approach here. Whereas our friends and family haven't really had that opportunity.

And it's not a personal failing, it's just that that isn't something that, you know, needed to focus on in the same way. So it's just a bit of a more. Yeah. A more intentional and kind of trained. Trained space, but yeah, for sure.

So we talk a lot around here about colliding with Jesus. This idea of running into Jesus or him running into our lives. And when that happens, you see this in the New Testament.

Everyone Jesus ran into, they were left more whole than broken. There was a transformation that took place. There was a before and an after. And, you know, we have a God who speaks. He speaks to us.

And so as Worthy's people who've experienced wounds and brokenness and mess and, you know, relationships that are.

That have been hurtful and harmful, we've developed these internal voices where we often continue to take the wounds we've experienced and continue to wound ourselves, which wounds our lives. And it's this ongoing thing. And surely in Your work, and I'll even ask you for your personal life. Have you found Jesus's voice?

Like, how do you allow Jesus's voice to be louder than your internal voices to bring the healing that he longs for your life?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, on a personal level, that has absolutely been instrumental in.

And I think too you'd said earlier that a lot of us who identify as Christians have, you know, been kind of have been exposed to this rhetoric that I'm so broken, I'm so horrible of a person. And from that framework, I need Jesus. Almost as if we're trying to kind of justify, you know, this longing that we feel for Christ.

And, and really what the Lord has done in my own life and in my, in my journey with him is to recognize that by focusing so much on my own failings or my own brokenness, I'm actually missing the opportunity to celebrate Him.

And not as if that's, you know, something bad, but he's kind of freed me from, you know, this need to really focus and be kind of self critical because he's kind of inviting me to say like, okay, but also like, yeah, yeah, you, you have, you have your feelings, you're human. That's. Yep, I know that about you. And then he's like, but, but look at how beautiful I am and look at how much I love you.

Like, you can just see how much of a shift that would, that would look like if we did that first.

And I'm not saying that we ignore, you know, sin in our lives or brokenness that we feel or pain, but when we're putting him at the center, in the forefront of our mind and of our, of our brain space, it really transforms how we then address our hurts because we're bringing them to Him. We're also operating from the standpoint, like, wow, he loves us like he's a God that loves.

And so then we're able to offer that softness to back to, you know, the parts of us that feel really, really scared or really broken. So that's kind of part of my own journey in that.

But also being able to really just intentionally invite the Holy Spirit, knowing that, wow, transformation does not come on its own. And like, we're not meant to do that all on our own.

And regardless of where you're at, I work with clients, you know, from a faith background or not, but being able to just recognize, like, wow, there is something in someone that's out there that's bigger than us, that is in control, that's you know, recognizing that we're not the end all, be all of the world can be so freeing. And, you know, obviously, if we are Christians, then we're able to say, like, okay, I, I need, I need help. I can't do this on my own.

And so how can, you know, the Lord step into that? So really, it's just asking, asking an intentional question and again, being patient for that answer because it can come up in many different ways.

But oftentimes we kind of assume that, oh, like the Lord will just step in. And I really believe that, you know, the Lord is respectful and very kind, and sometimes he does shake us up a little bit.

But I think often he's waiting for us to pay attention to him and not in like a, you know, condemnation kind of. Of framework, but really, like, I'm just really excited for when you're going to call on me because I see what you're going through.

I see what the way that you're speaking to yourself. And man, I just would love if you would ask, ask me what I think about this because I have so many thoughts. Right.

So viewing this, viewing just this opportunity to connect with the Lord as, you know, something that he delights in and is excited for, I think also kind of helps shift our framework of I'm not coming from, you know, this point of shame and pain, but instead I'm able to just come and, and bow before him and, you know, surrender, knowing that I'm safe.

So, Emily, I, I know we could talk about this topic all day and we won't be able to.

But before we, before we jump off, I really am hoping that as I think about people listening in, this idea of reframing negative thought patterns that steal joy. Can you give some examples of a woman says or thinks this, like her inner voice is saying this.

And here's what it looks like to reframe that statement into this and maybe give us a few examples so we can picture. Oh, that's what the reframing could look like for me in my own life.

Yeah, absolutely. No, I think. And that's part of that corrective experience, I think, is hearing something, something different can be really helpful. So I love that.

Yeah. So especially with the new year, a lot of the, you know, we're doing life review, we're also looking to the future.

And so some of those negative patterns might look. Be looking back and saying, like, man, I totally failed this last year. I didn't hit any of my goals. I didn't do anything that I wanted to do.

You know, I had some really hard things come up and that was just like what a waste might be how you're feeling. And a couple things there that I just want to speak to. When we are uncomfortable, when we're grieving, we get really desperate.

And out of that desperation, I think, comes that self criticism. And it's kind of that breeding ground.

Because when we're self critical and we're blaming ourselves for something, then that means that we can change it in the future.

So it's almost like this internal defense mechanism that says, okay, you know, I can make sure that this doesn't happen again, when in reality there's a lot of life that is out of our control. So it's kind of promoting this false narrative. So that's that negative belief that saying, man, I failed. And therefore, you know, that's.

That's a me problem. An alternative approach to that would be just acknowledging that maybe there was grief this last year.

When we've had a goal and we miss it, it's disappointing. It's really natural to be disappointed and sad about that, that. But we can deal with the emotion.

But what's damaging is when we say I'm a failure, which is often what's under. Underlining, kind of that self criticism is an identity statement.

So we can say, man, I am really sad that I didn't get to do this thing that I'd really hope to do. Man, that's a bummer. And, or, you know, man, it was really, it was a really hard year and so reframing that could be okay.

Well, I did, yeah, I didn't get to do the things that I wanted to. And that's really hard and that's really sad. You know, I wonder what are some of the things that got in the way that makes that make sense?

So it's often that compassion and increasing our understanding of, you know, what did go wrong. Let's actually look at that. Because self criticism say, well, you're just a failure, so why would we even look at it?

But self compassion, man, I'm assuming that there was some things that got in the way. You know, maybe you had a health scare or maybe you were having a really difficult time with your kids and that needed to be your focus.

And these aren't excuses, by the way. I just want to call that out as they are something that actually makes sense. And sometimes excuses feel like, oh, I'm just brushing it away.

We're actually addressing it. That's kind of the beauty of this. We are addressing it and but we're also recognizing that there needed to be flexibility.

So getting to say, you know, I'm a failure versus okay, there were some really hard things that happened this year. And I wonder, I wonder what was a proponent of that.

And then the other piece too, as we're kind of, you know, in the, the new year spirit here as we look forward, you know, we might say something like, man, if I could just work out every single day, or if I could, whatever that looks like, you know, we always kind of pinpoint very specific behaviors or situations that if I could just do blank, then I would feel okay, or then I would feel valuable, then I would feel better. And so that's actually, that might sound positive because.

And some of us might even believe that, but really, that's that desperation speaking, that's saying, I need something to change and I'm desperate for, for healing here. And so if we can speak to that and say, like, the reframe would be, man, I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now, or, man, I'm in a lot of pain.

And so that makes me really desperate for change.

I also know, and so speaking truth, I also know that change doesn't come quickly, that this is going to be a process and that setting a rigid goal often sets me up for failure than it does success and motivation.

So kind of shifting, you know, some of those internal thoughts towards like having little frame frameworks in your mind, like progress over perfection. I'm sure people have heard that before or something is better than nothing.

Those are kind of those, those frameworks that offer self compassion and helps increase motivation versus man, I didn't, didn't do the thing that I'd set out to do. But then we're kind of shifting and retraining our brain to recognize like, okay, but what, what did we do? Did we do one one day this week?

That's amazing. Or even five minutes, right? Or we thought about it, that's actually improvement.

So kind of training our brains to really recognizing, like, what was the little win and how did we move closer to that goal? That's part of that self compassion. It's getting really consistent at noticing, you know, what's been helpful, what's gone well.

So, so helpful. Emily, you are a gem, and I'm so grateful that you hopped on.

I know that in the new year we tend to do a lot of self evaluation and we can be really hard on ourselves as we set goals. And so I just find this conversation to be extremely helpful and healthy. And I appreciate all that you do. In the world.

I know there's going to be people who want to connect with you and the work that you're doing. How can they do that? That.

Yeah, absolutely. So I work at a new day counseling center. It's in Northeast Portland and you can feel free to go on our website.

It's just a new day counseling center and my profile is there if you want to reach out via email or we have a little submission form that you can fill out too. You can feel free to, to put something in there, but whether it's me or one of my colleagues, you would be in great hands. Just.

Yeah, there's, there's a lot that, that we deal with, so it'd be an honor to partner with anybody that's needing that extra support.

Thank you so much, Emily.

Yeah, thank you so much, Willow. It's been very fun to chat with you friend.

I hope that that was a helpful conversation and that you will take the time to not only make room for awareness or for someone else to reflect back to you what you are saying and feeling about the way that you're talking to yourself, but also that you might enter into a new way of talking to yourself, that you might reframe the way that you think about yourself and really see some movement this year in God reordering things and re speaking truths over you so that the those nasty lies can go packing and those old wounded voices can take a hike.

My hope is that you would like Emily talked about, you would get more curious about yourself and be able to make sense of why you feel the way you do and why you talk to yourself the way that you do. And that God could reframe all of that and you could become more whole and as a result feel less messy and hard on yourself.

So friend, keep colliding with Jesus. He loves you so very much.

And if you need a reminder today, remember Jesus would do anything for you, has done everything for you, would even give up his life so you can find yours. That's how literally loved you are. So there's no room for beating yourself up and self debasing. There's only room to receive this great, great love.

Keep colliding and we'll catch you next.