"Expectations create a wall to hang all of my disappointments on." In this episode, Erica Voell explores how tightly held expectations can actually block the flow of what’s trying to come through. She shares how this pattern has shown up over and over in her life, most recently in her transition into full-time coaching. And how understanding her Human Design helped her release the need to prove, deliver, and over-control outcomes. If things haven’t turned out the way you hoped and you’ve been gripping tightly to how you think it should be – I’ve been there too. Here’s a gentle nudge to loosen your grip and let something new come through.

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"Expectations create a wall to

hang all of my disappointments

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on", let that sink in for a moment.

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Hey, this is Erica Voell and

welcome back to Unfolding.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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I am a Decision Mentor and

Inner Trust Guide, and I work

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with smart capable women.

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Often those in midlife who are stuck

in overwhelm and overcommitment.

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Human design coaching and reiki, I

help them trust their inner guidance,

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understand their unique strengths, that

they stop saying yes to what drains

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them, and build a life that actually

feels sustainable and satisfying.

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My system gives them a grounded plan

that works because it's built for

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how they're designed to operate,

so then we can clear the noise.

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So there are no feels powerful

and their yes feels true.

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Expectations create a wall to

hang all of my disappointments on.

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That's a line I heard today

after some really intense

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breathwork, and it made me pause.

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And I got this really clear image of

all these sticky notes on a wall with

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all of my disappointments related to

these expectations, and it's so true.

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I've always been one that is really

big on expectations for how things

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will be or how I want them to be.

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A new job, and I set expectations

for myself and the job.

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And then six months later when

things aren't working out the

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way I wanted, I'm disappointed.

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Or frustrated.

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And granted many times there

were other factors at play.

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Many of these jobs were actually not

right for me anyway, and I was trying

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to make it work because it was my escape

from another job that had gone sour.

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But that's another story for another day.

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The tighter the grip on these

expectations, the bigger

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the disappointments and the

bigger the frustrations.

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I'm sure you can relate.

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I've heard some people say that they

never set goals because they always get

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disappointed when they don't meet them.

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I mean, think about how many

New Year's resolutions people

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make that never get fulfilled.

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I mean, we know that by the middle

of February that most people's New

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Year's resolutions have not been met

and people have just given up on them.

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And I used to be in that camp.

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I mean, why set myself

up for failure, right?

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And then I started to set some

goals and not these crazy, like,

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I'm gonna lose 30 pounds this year.

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These were aspirational goals

of what I wanted my life to look

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like in three to five years.

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Not a five-year plan.

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I hate hearing about five-year plans

because they feel so confining and

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like you're supposed to follow it

step by step with like no freedom.

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But then I bought this book called

The Dragontree Dream Book and Planner.

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It started to help me see

that setting some aspirational

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goals were actually helpful.

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These goals were like what I would like

to do, but I didn't know the next step.

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I was just putting it

out into the universe.

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I was writing it down and I was

just going to trust because the

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next step would present itself.

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And I started answering questions

like, if nothing were holding me

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back with no guilt, no timeline,

no fear of disappointing anyone,

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what would my life feel like?

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And how would I feel when

I wake up in the morning?

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And what kind of energy do I want

to have when I've reached this goal?

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And what would make me feel proud

about myself at the end of the day?

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And then what rituals or

practices could I do that would

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like support that version of me?

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These were questions I never would've

thought of to ask myself if it hadn't

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been for that Dreambook and Planner.

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Something that I just

happened to find on Facebook.

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And amazingly enough, as I wrote these

down, things started to come to fruition.

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Like I had written down that I would

love to be a full-time coach at some

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point, but it was this like nice to

have dream or a someday day dream.

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I never thought it would

really come to a reality.

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And then in 2022 when things started

to shift for me during burnout,

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I started to see, oh, actually

this is a possibility for me.

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So fast forward to this year as I was

leaving my library job this spring,

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I started to develop these ideas

of what it would be like to work

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from home in my business full-time.

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Every day without having to fit

my business into the corners

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around work and family like I

did when I had a full-time job.

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It was going to be amazing.

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It was gonna feel so good.

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I was gonna get so much done and I was

going to love my work every single day.

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Not terrible goals to have.

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I had ideas of what our summer would

look like, but then something started

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to creep in and it wasn't until my

daughter went back to school and I

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felt disappointed that our summer

hadn't been as amazing as I'd hoped.

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And then it hit me.

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I had a really intense session with

my therapist recently, and I realized

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what was happening, those expectations

I had they weren't being met.

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And by setting them up, I was

actually building a wall, a wall

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to hang every disappointment on.

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I hadn't opened the energy up for

things to flow and for beautiful

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things to shift and change.

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And it's similar to those walls

that are built along a river.

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Think about it.

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They are very structured.

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They don't allow for a lot of

flow, and yes, that they're built

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to help protect us from flooding.

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But in nature, a lot of times

we need these gentle banks to

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allow the water to ebb and flow.

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And this summer, and as I've

become a full-time coach, I

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was not promised an outcome.

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I had just made up in my mind and I got

so attached to this outcome and this

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is a pattern I'm noticing that is in

my life and it's definitely showing up.

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Thinking that I'm being clear on what

I want and that thinking that that

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meant I could create the outcome that

I wanted, but really what has happened

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is it's just creates this greater

grasp on wanting to control things.

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So today when I was doing breath

work, this message that came through

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"expectations create a wall to hang all of

my disappointments on," and it so clearly

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reminded me where I have been struggling.

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I have set so many expectations for

myself and for my business, and I

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have started to build that wall.

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And these disappointments were

actually getting quickly put up,

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like I said, the sticky notes.

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I could add a whole bunch of them.

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But it's a message for me to

loosen my grip and not try to

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set these hard expectations.

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I can set these aspirational goals

for my business for six months from

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now, but it's a message for me , to

not be so controlling and to allow

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more flow and to see what comes,

because I've been so attached to

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these outcomes, I don't think I've

allowed this space for things to flow.

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And also to not plan so tightly

that I don't allow the space

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for what may be asking to shift.

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There is a lot that I'm noticing is

needing to shift because I had held

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so tightly to these expectations.

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These disappointments are definitely

message that something is not working

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and sometimes new things need to come

through and new needs to come through, and

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I've been someone who loves to know what

the expectations are of me because I'm

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always worried about disappointing others.

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It goes back to this feeling that

I need to prove my worth and to

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prove that I'm worthy of love.

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And I know that that's part of my

human design with my open ego center.

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And when I don't feel like I've met other

people's expectations, I feel like I've

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not only disappointed them, but then

I feel really disappointed in myself.

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And then I start to play back all the

things that I could have done differently.

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So I'm always wanting to know the

expectations of what's expected of me

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because I wanna avoid this sense of

disappointment and I also know that

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setting clear expectations is actually

part of having a five in my profile.

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I have a 5/1 profile, which is a

problem solver and investigator.

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I want others to know that I won't be

available to solve all their problems.

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That is a thing that has been part of my

past is that people see that I am this

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problem-solver, and so then I started to

solve problems that didn't feel right for

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me, and I know it gets projected onto me.

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So it's really essential for me to

set some boundaries, and I used to

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really love it when people noticed

that I could do things, but then those

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expectations would get placed on me

and when I couldn't deliver up to their

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expectations, or I didn't wanna take

on the next project because it didn't

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feel right, then I could start to

feel that there was a fall from grace.

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And it actually wasn't until I learned

about my human design that I realized

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about those projections on me and

those expectations, and then why

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it had felt so difficult sometimes.

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So with clients, I try to be really

upfront about what they can expect from

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me because I know it's easy for people to

see me as this person that can give them

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lots of solutions, and I don't want to

be the person who solves their problems.

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Yes, I want to offer practical solutions,

but I wanna walk alongside them instead

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of being seen as the one with the answers.

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And why not isn't

disappointing someone else?

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Not about letting them down,

but maybe just realizing that it

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wasn't right in the first place.

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That reframe alone has given me so

much peace because it shifts the

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focus from blame to understanding.

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And even when it's uncomfortable, having

some clearness actually helps us move

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forward without carrying so much weight.

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Because those expectations can feel

like lead weights on your shoulders.

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So if you're noticing that some

of your expectations are not being

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met lately, I want you to pause.

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You're not alone in this.

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Everyone gets stuck in these expectations.

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This is something I'm sitting with too,

and maybe we don't need to rush to fix it.

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Maybe we just need to notice it.

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Maybe it's a sign for us that

something is ready to shift.

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I hope you have a great week,

and I wanna leave you with this.

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What is one expectation you could loosen

your grip on today to feel some of that

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flow, to feel a little bit lighter so

that you're not putting another sticky

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note on that wall of disappointment?

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Thank you for joining me.

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And if you want to learn more about

your human design, you can grab my

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free confidence guide, it's linked

in the show notes, and then book your

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free coaching call with me where we'll

explore your chart and what's coming up

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for you right now and see where things

are working and where things aren't.

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And if you enjoy this episode,

I would love it if you would tap

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and I would be so grateful.

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Your support means so much.

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share it with a friend or colleague.

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Be well and I'll talk to you next time.