Shownotes
Heidi was a sophomore studying in the library when smoke, alarms, and gunfire split her world in two. She describes the moment-by-moment terror, the years of dissociation and panic, and the heavy religious messaging that told her survival demanded a public purpose. Then she walks us into the quieter revolution: self-compassion, nervous system safety, and choosing life for herself.
- What survival mode looks like when your brain is certain death is coming
- The aftershocks no one sees: fireworks, catatonia, hypervigilance
- When “miracle” narratives become pressure and guilt
- How a father’s presence created safety in chaos
- Why white-knuckling fails and compassion works
- Choosing joy and life without minimizing the pain
🎙️ What We Talk About:
- April 20, 1999 in the library: smoke, commands, eye contact, escape
- Panic attacks, dissociation, and triggers years later
- The cost of being labeled “a miracle” and pushed onto stages
- Defining safety as being fully seen and protected
- The role of community that allows feelings without an agenda
- Leticia’s 3 phases to exit survival mode applied to Heidi’s story:
- Self-awareness: naming panic, survivor’s guilt, and the truth about triggers
- Reprogramming: replacing pressure with permission, identity with compassion
- Reinvention: choosing life daily, building safety, allowing joy
🔑 Key Takeaways:
“Surviving isn’t the same as living.”
“Safety is someone saying ‘look at me, I’ve got you’—and meaning it.”
“White-knuckling is not healing.”
“Self-compassion isn’t coddling. It’s medicine.”
🙌 Why This Episode Matters:
Public trauma becomes headlines. Private trauma becomes a lifetime of managing a nervous system that still hears explosions. This conversation gives language to the invisible aftermath and models a path out: truth-telling, self-compassion, and daily choices toward life.
💬 Connect with Heidi:
By request only through the show. Respect her privacy and humanity.
Listener Action
If fireworks, alarms, or crowds trigger you, identify one person and one place that feel safe. Tell them what you need before the next trigger hits. Safety planned is safety felt.
CTA
You were not built to break. You were not built to just survive. Share this episode with someone who needs permission to stop white-knuckling and start living. Leave a 5-star review so this message reaches the ones still shaking in silence.
🔗 Resources & Links:
