In this episode, I sit down with the dynamic Cara Steinmann, a relationship-building expert hailing from sunny California. Cara's passion lies in helping women entrepreneurs establish strategic, meaningful connections that go beyond traditional funnels in the business world. Discover why relationships matter more than ever in the digital age and gain insights into Cara's RAD Referrals Roadmap.

Explore the depths of relationship-building with Cara & me, and learn how to transform your approach to connections in the world of service entrepreneurship. Join the Literation Lab and embark on a journey of authentic networking to unlock collaboration, visibility, and, of course, plenty of fun!

You can reach Cara at: carasteinmann.com or https://ravelcollective.com/

Email at: hello@carasteinmann.com

Key Topics and Timestamps:

1. Introduction to Cara Steinmann (00:00 - 02:23)

2. Challenging the Funnel Myth (02:24 - 06:47)

3. The Radical Referrals Roadmap (06:48 - 10:02)

4. Building and Deepening Relationships (10:03 - 13:20)

5. Creating a Purposeful Community (13:21 - 17:44)

A little about me:

I began my career as a teacher, was a corporate trainer for many years, and then found my niche training & supporting business owners, entrepreneurs & sales professionals to network at a world-class level. My passion is working with motivated people, who are coachable and who want to build their businesses through relationship marketing and networking (online & offline). I help my clients create retention strategies, grow through referrals, and create loyal customers by staying connected.

In appreciation for being here, I have a couple of gifts for you.

A LinkedIn Checklist for setting up your fully optimized Profile: https://www.janiceporter.com/linkedin-training.html

An opportunity to test drive the Follow Up system I recommend by sending a FREE greeting card (on me): www.sendacardeverytime.com

Connect with me:

http://JanicePorter.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/janiceporter/

https://www.facebook.com/JanicePorterBiz

https://twitter.com/janiceporter

Join our Relationships Rule community on FB here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipsrule/

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Mentioned in this episode:

LinkedIn Ad

Hi, everyone, and welcome to relationships rule.

My guest today is coming from sunny California. And I'm very

excited to talk to her. Her name is Kara Steinman. And Kara and I

were introduced through LinkedIn through a podcast agency. And

often I'm not super impressed when that happens, but I got an

inkling when I saw what Kara was all about. And I know you're

gonna love it because she thinks just the way I do. So first of

all, welcome to the show, Kara.

Thank you. I'm

happy to be here. My pleasure. So tell my audience

please, what you do what your thing is what you're all about.

And they'll know right away that why I said what I said, my

jam, you want to know my jam. I help women

entrepreneurs, build relationships, preferably

professional relationships that make it easier for them to do

business. So strategic relationships.

And how do you do that?

I do one to one consulting, I help women figure

out who they are. So they can align with the right people and

that sort of thing. But I primarily build communities

online, that help women come together and build really deep

meaningful relationships that keep them well connected. Yeah.

Which is like music to my ears, because one of

the things I saw in the information that was sent to me

about you was that you believe that funnels are not necessary

relationships are that's a different way that you said it.

But it is essentially the same thing. And I couldn't agree

more. And so, you know, we've been in a in a society lately

where everything's online. And so everyone thinks that we have

to have these funnels to bring in business. Talk to me about

that myth in your eyes.

Gosh, I think that, that it's really easy to

feel like we can write some content and put it out there in

this funnel, and that we won't have to do anything, we won't

have to actually interact, but our words and our content and

all of these things, all of these things that we put out,

there they are. They're reflecting us, and they are

going to build the relationships that we will eventually probably

have in person. Yeah. And so so it's not like it's not as

passive as we would like to think it is. And at one point I

really liked. I really liked inbound marketing, the idea of

inbound, because you weren't, it wasn't pushy, it was very

magnetic. And we could put our stuff out there and just wait

for people to want us and not have to engage in any way until

till they got there. But I think that we're at a time when trust

is so scarce, and people are lonely. And we visibility relies

on us having allies, it really relies on us having deep

meaningful connections that somebody wants to promote you

through. And that requires investing in other people making

the time to do that requires being invested in other people.

And do you notice that and I couldn't agree more?

And do you notice that? That they're still that you have to

actually teach? Or train certain people that, that in building

relationships, you really do need to focus on showing an

interest in the other person, I believe that we still have to

teach that to some people. Because for different reasons,

like either they're nervous, or they're, they're unsure. So they

start to talk about themselves, or they don't know what kind of

questions to ask whether they're just not comfortable. And with

that, with that process, but it does work. Yeah,

I think you're absolutely right. There's a

couple of things going on there too. You're probably right about

the nervousness, people. But there's this business idea in

business that we have to be busy that we can't talk about

personal stuff, there's that kind of line that we've drawn,

and I don't like it. I don't like that line at all. Because

the people that I want to wreck I work with people I like and in

order to know someone to get to like them, I have to know more

about them than just the service they provide.

And yes, so I actually when I'm working with

LinkedIn clients, building their profile with them, I talk about

trying to in not trying but by about infusing some subtle

little things into their profile about their, their personal

habits are their hobbies or their interests or some things

that they do when they're not working. So that I can tell or

they can tell if somebody has actually read their profile. If

they find that little thing that maybe they're an avid hiker, or

they play soccer in their spare time or whatever or they they

you know, were a movie buff or whatever it is that maybe

someone looking at their profile had connects to a As a starting

point to build rapport, those are the best kinds of things to

find out. And yet, I will say now you're, you're younger than

I am. And your generation tends to put out more personal things

on the other platforms as well. I have a hard time doing that.

So there's that there is that fine line for me, but I find

with LinkedIn, I can make it work. And and people pay

attention if they pay attention, it makes for better starting

points for relationships, I think.

Yeah. And I think being true to who you are,

that you know, you being less comfortable with the really

personal open stuff in business, that's who you are and how you

operate. And you're going to be more comfortable working with

clients who are more aligned with that level of openness. But

some people and this could be a temperament thing. There's, you

know, the ocean ocean test personality tests that looks at

openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and

neuroticism. These four

traits know that one, yeah. Okay, ocean, that one

that the extra

the openness trait that might might correlate

with how people act online. And so open, people are going to

have an easier time working with other open people. And that's

not to say you can't work with people who are different than

you. But understanding that they're different from you, is

different than like, really, you know, when you meet somebody,

and you just click, it's usually because you've got something in

common in that way and the way you operate? Right, right,

exactly. So how do you do you do any training

with your community? Or do you just allow them to, you know, or

do you encourage them getting together? Or do you have events

online or in person to, to have people network,

I built the community, I structured it so

that we would be in a container that felt very safe. And the

guidelines explicitly say we are in a, we're in a safe container,

where we need to be vulnerable if we're going to get to know

each other. And so I do come right out and say that, but then

we have connection calls and mastermind calls that are all

very intimate and comfortable. And, and I really connect, I try

really hard to connect with each new member, one on one at least

once to help them get connected with other people who are alike

to them. So that they start building that network quickly.

And then we have we have the way that it's structured is

structured is very casual. And we have very intimate

conversations in there about things other than work. Ah,

okay, family, and we have a channel called ADHD all day

where the neurodivergent people are talking about challenges in

life and work and family. And then I just launched a purpose

play shop inside the community, which is a daily prompt to help

us build emotional intelligence, self awareness and creative

confidence.

Hmm, interesting. Okay. So you have a framework

that, and I think that's probably part of what you were

just talking about, that you are maybe not that you use to

generate referrals? And do you? So do you teach that in your

community?

I do. Yeah,

it's a little bit about that.

Yeah, I call it the radical referrals. roadmap.

And part of that is because the acronym is read our ad. And part

of it is because it's kind of a radical concept to prioritize

relationships in business. That's not where we go with it

naturally, it's very transactional. But I think it

works really better if we're relational with it. And so the

three parts of the framework are R stands for remember, we have

to remember who we are, especially as women, we've been

conditioned away from a lot of our natural tendencies. And we,

we maybe compromise our values to be parents and work in

certain situations. So we have to remember who we are. So that

because, and there's a great quote, by Brene, brown, she

says, our ability to connect with other people is only as

great as our ability to connect with ourselves. So the next step

in the framework is to align. So we have to remember who we are.

And then we can align with the right people. And this is about

values, a lot of it is about values. And you talk, you talked

about putting little kind of easter eggs in your LinkedIn

content, maybe on your website that hint at who you are and

what you care about. And you can do that really easily with

language. And I'm sure you do. That's what you do your clients

probably, you know, I can put pictures of yourself on there

too. But you can also say things like, you can use the words

connection and freedom and whatever, those are part of my

values. So use those. And then once you're aligned with those

people, that's just not enough. I think a lot of people stop

right there. And they stop with like meeting people and

connecting with people and they end up with this giant Rolodex,

that doesn't really benefit them because they haven't gotten to

the last part, which is D, and that's to deepen the

relationship. And it's iterative. It goes around and

around because we're people and we evolve and we learn about

ourselves. So we're constantly doing all three of these things

in the, with the hope that we build a really strong strategic

network of people that We enjoy spending time with and

connecting with. And that's where we get visibility from.

And

that's also how we build our referral network.

Yes, think

about the word referrals, it just means

someone's referring, referring to you or referring you, they're

talking about you behind your back. And what they're saying is

going to determine how somebody views you. So your visibility

depends on what people are saying about you, behind your

back.

Yeah, it's an interesting way to say it, I

find that that refer that, that referring people or being a

connector and referring, bringing people together as part

of your network, I think that is really what I love to do. But

when I do it, and I don't know, if you do this in your network,

maybe that you want to protect the people that you're that you

already have that know like and trust with, that are already

gone deep enough with it, that there's that trust factor, that

before you bring that new person in and say, hey, I want you to

to get together, you make sure that you have permission from

the, you're a person that's already in your community,

before you bring somebody else into them. So you ask them, so

you're meeting this new person, either in person or online. And

you're, and you're looking for a way to support them, because you

like what you've seen and heard so far, but you're not there

yet. So you might want to maybe offer something of your own, but

you also know they're looking for help with whatever, so you

know, someone who can help them. But before you connect them, you

check with the other person. And

I do that if I meet somebody outside of the

community, and this wasn't intentional, I think this is

just how it ended up working out for me. If I'm connecting

someone from inside the rebel community, to someone outside

the rebel community, I get both parties consent. If I'm

connecting new members to or existing members who have been

there for a while to someone else inside the community. Other

members inside the community I don't I just make a direct

connection inside the DMS in the community because they're

everybody's operating with the same assumption that, that if

I'm introducing you, there's a reason for it. Or, you know,

there should there's just a feeling and I, I talk a lot

about that too, because I don't have to have a reason sometimes

why two people should meet. You just know, just know these. I

don't know why you guys need to know each other. I just feel

like you do. And I've had people introduce me before by saying

that, and it cracks me up because it's always it often

more often than not ends up being an amazing relationship.

Yeah, but they couldn't really say why. And that's okay.

Yeah, I love that too. Exactly. So tell me how you

got into all this? What's your background? What, how did you

come to be that entrepreneur that's doing all of this and

building a community, I

came into entrepreneurship, because I'm

completely unemployable. If you look at my strengths profile,

and my Colby, Mo, and all of these, you know, tests,

personality tests and objective ways to look at ourselves, I am

not a person who is easily fits in a box with a description that

I keep doing over and over again. So a lot of it is I tried

to work for other people, and it just didn't work. And so I went

out on my own. And I did a lot of content writing for a long

time and a lot of content strategy. And I was drawn to

that, I think because of the strategy part. But there's also

a lot of project management, and repent, there's a repetitive

nature, in content when you're executing on a strategy over and

over again. And that does not align with me very well. So I

ended up going through kind of a meltdown during COVID. And had

to stop working with clients doing retainer work like that,

because it was really, really draining to me. And I had to

figure out what I am good at. And that required looking at my

core values and my personality and my like I said strengths and

the Colby, Mo and all these tools to kind of objective

objectively say, Well, what should I be doing? If I what am

I doing without even being able to help it? And someone pointed

out to me that I had always worked on referrals. For the

first 10 years of my content marketing and strategy. career,

I didn't even have a website, because I was networking and

building relationships that were strategic, but I didn't realize

I was doing it. So so the rabbit collective came to me because I

was doing COVID I kind of start embracing that again. And I

started connecting with all kinds of people like once you

turn the fire on something you're good at, it kind of gets

a little crazy. And so I was meeting all these women online,

and I couldn't keep track of them. And I wanted them to meet

each other. But it was really time consuming, making email

introductions to everybody. So I just said, you guys, come on,

let's all just get in the same place. Let's come in this

community, let's all network with one another. And then one

of the members asked me that how does it work? Like she asked me

to kind of deconstruct the way that I operate. And so that was

where the framework came from, was just sort of a reverse

engineering of how I naturally operate. Interesting.

So I'm curious when you were in school, were

you an athlete

I played intramurals. But I was an

outlet. I did martial arts outside of school.

Okay. Individual sports. Okay. Yeah. So that's

why. Yeah, like, I think there's different skills that come from

individual sports, obviously, to team sports. And I think it

makes a huge difference. So you were very independent in lots of

ways. Yeah.

But very collaborative, too. I did end of

individual sports, but I didn't like I was never very

competitive. Yeah. So I think there's more of a,

I see, what's that? I see guitars behind you

play music.

I learned to play the piano when I was

growing up. And then I just picked up the guitar last year

and started playing, which was sort of a bucket list item for

me because I had, I had learned to play the ukulele in fourth

grade. And I raised my hand to ask for a left handed ukulele on

the teacher. I am Are you? Yes. Hey, fellow lefties. My

husband's left handed too, but our son is right handed. So we

like to joke that two wrongs make a right. I love it. Yeah.

Yeah, sorry. I find left handed people that I

was at a bridge table. Last week we play bridge and three out of

the four of us were left handed. That is so unusual. Yeah. It is

the most my family like I have an uncle and uncle who was very

ambidextrous. And my mother was ambidextrous. And my one

daughter is very ambidextrous. She played a lot of sports. And

she can like, bat or hit it with a golf club. Either way, you

know, so, but nobody's left handed my little granddaughters

a little bit ambidextrous, but mostly right handed. But ya

know, left

hold. It's 50% ish genetic. And the other part

is just what you environmental maybe

that could be true, because back in the old

days, you know, they used to beat it out. Yeah. Yeah. So sad

to hear that anyway. Yeah, so I interrupted you, because I got

it. I had? Well, in this, this kind of goes to

like the belief systems and the things that layer on top of who

we are, right, like, when I melted down during COVID, I

realized I didn't really know who I was anymore, because of a

lot of the messages that I had gotten about myself. Who am I,

you know, the belief systems that we pick up, really, really

get into our subconscious. And it was hard for me to even

imagine that I could have a business other than the one I

had, let alone, like the privilege of building

relationships with people for a living, that's amazing. But just

one of the beliefs that I picked up when I was young was that I,

I put my hand up for a left handed ukulele and the teacher

really embarrassed me in front of the class and shot me down

and said, There's no such thing as a left handed ukulele, you

just need to figure it out. And I was I would think I was

embarrassed, you know, for getting in trouble. I was the

way I perceived it. But also just, you know, being different

and asking for what I needed. And then having that just like,

How dare you ask for what you need? Well, so I kind of had

always wanted to play the guitar. But because of that

experience, I kind of just put it on the shelf and figured

that's not going to be because I'm not ambidextrous, I can't do

anything with my right hand, apparently, but discovered a

little while ago that they totally have left handed guitars

and left handed all kinds of left handed instruments

you obviously didn't didn't grow up with the

Beatles. Did they play left handed? Paul McCartney's left

handed as he did so he has a left handed look at all the

pictures. He's the one with the guitar. The No, I never noticed

that. I

mean, I love the Beatles, but I'm not like a

Yeah, he's. I did not know that. Yeah. Well, she should have

known that then. Now. I'm really mad.

Oh, that's too funny. I know. But that's

terrible. As a teacher, I was a teacher, so to hear you, you

know,

I've had a couple of teachers traumatize me

because of, probably because I'm loud. I think I just realized

recently that I have a triggering effect when someone

says I'm a leader, like a leadership issue. And I kind of

dug back and thought, you know, I did have that one teacher who

kind of yelled at me in front of everybody and said, Scott, you

can't always be in charge care. You have to let someone else be

in charge. And like, stop being so bossy

that I was the Bossy kid to me. I always I'm,

I'm the oldest of four. I had to be bossy. But the other thing is

like, I don't know, when's your birthday was

April 17. Okay, so you're full on Aries, Aries,

and my daughter is in Aries. Because I'm a

Virgo, and I'm like I have to be in control. And okay, so. But

one of the things in reading all that horoscope stuff, which is

really kind of fun, but I kind of like it. It you can turn it

one way or the other. Right. So you can be the Bossy one. Or you

can be the one that organizes and be you know, yeah.

Right. And I think that's something we learn

when we all those tests are so there, you know, there's

horoscopes, there's human design, there's all these

different ways we can look at ourselves. And I think it's

really valuable too, with a grain of salt, look at all those

things. Because a lot of times some of our greatest strengths

can become our weaknesses. If they're let loose. If they're

not honed and moderated and I think I probably was really

bossy, and I probably was, you know, out of control. But that

doesn't mean that

none of that you were out of control, you are

probably just speaking your mind and being curious, which I want

to come to in a second because that's the thing. You know, my

one of my kids was the type a who would always push the

teachers, you know, limits and ask questions, and why didn't I

get an A plus? Why was it just an A, my other daughter,

completely introverted? Don't ask me any questions. I want to

sit back in my seat and not, you know, be noticed in the

classroom because God forbid, you should ask me a question.

Totally different. So, I don't know. It's just who you are.

Right? And yeah, we're

a lot of is just an aid. We're just different

people. Exactly,

exactly. So that being said, I'm guessing that

you are a full on curious person, because quite often good

Networkers are curious people, right

to two of the top five strengths in my Clifton

Strengths profile, are learner and input. And those are both

like, give me all the information. Let me catalog it.

And because of those, I tend to collect people apparently.

Oh, okay. So it's interesting, I did this. I did

this program once called your sacred gifts. And it was a woman

here who's been doing this for years. And she's really

interesting. And she says, there's 24 Sacred gifts. And

that I trigger something. Oh, I can't hear you.

Sorry, I'm laughing because I muted myself

to write that down. Because I, the last couple of weeks, we had

our little 30 minute strategy call, you know, and you

mentioned that and I wrote it down. But of course, couldn't

find the piece of paper. And I've been trying to remember

last time you did it. I've been trying to remember what was that

assessment?

I'll send it. I'll send it to you. And it's

not really an assessment. It's a it's a, but you can get an idea

from? Yeah, the first part of it anyway. I might still have it.

I'll see if I can find it. Yeah, super curious. Yeah. So yeah.

Anyway, okay. So tell me this. I'm going to ask you my two part

curiosity. Question. And before we before we ant here. Do you

believe that curiosity is innate? Or learned? And part two

is what are you most curious about these days? yourself?

I think curiosity is absolutely innate,

and that some of us probably develop it more throughout life.

And some of us are probably maybe taught to tamp it down

just a bit. Depending. And I think curiosity, we're all

curious about things, just maybe such different things that we

don't really notice. If someone's not curious about what

we're curious about. We're like, why are they not curious?

Right, right. Exactly. So it's, it can be

interest based as well. Okay. And what are you curious about

today?

I am still most curious today, about the same

thing. I've been curious about my entire life, which is like,

why are people the way they are? And that, you know, that feeds

into how Why does one person get along with one person and not

with another person? And how do we interact with one another,

and the, you know, foundations of a relationship and how they

grow and build and just, I'm interested in people and how

they relate to themselves and each other? That's great.

Do you I see you as the kind of person that

sometimes people will say to me, well, two things, one, that I

can talk to someone for five minutes and come away and know

their entire life history? And secondly, someone will say to

me, Wow, no one's ever asked me that question before or, or, you

know, I've never shared this with anyone before. So in other

words, I can get to the core quite quickly with people. And I

have a sense that you can too.

That's funny, you mentioned that, because when

I was going through this kind of meltdown, trying to figure out

who am I, I felt like I wasn't really good at anything anymore.

And looking back, that might partly be because so many of my

really, like core strengths are softer skills. They're not

execution related. You can't see something on the other end of

it. But I asked my husband, Babe, what do you think my

superpower is? Yeah. And he said, Oh, that's easy. You can

talk to somebody for five minutes, and they're telling you

stuff, they wouldn't even tell the therapist. Yeah. And I'm

like, at that, that there again, though, that has been a

liability at times, because people will tell me stuff. I

don't really want to know. And you don't put it right. Yeah.

And then and sometimes it's fine. And I've learned to, you

know, just roll with it. And to be really non judgmental, I

think because when people tell you stuff about themselves your

whole life, you have to just learn to just let it be but

people will some people will get a vulnerability hangover and

avoid me after they've told me something very intimate. Okay,

and I'm not judging but I think that there's some shame there

that maybe it's misplaced.

Well, then, then you would probably know how to

bring them around.

Yeah, usually it's okay but you know, Certain

people are more more apt to let their shame control them than

others. But yes, you're we're probably very much alike. Yeah,

I

think we are in so many ways. And so just before

we wrap up, let's get back to business for a second. And, and

you see how they are really so totally related. It's just

crazy, right? And core values. That's where it all comes down

to. I mean, when I meet someone on LinkedIn for the first time,

and even just the questions that I asked if they answer them,

don't answer them. If they ask a question, if they even care

enough to ask a question, if they've read my profile, all of

those things come into play for me, initially, until I can, you

know, sort of peel back the first layer and see if they're

interested in doing that. But I've met some really interesting

people, just from being online, which is kind of fun. You have

one thing I was curious about here that that you asked, what

are some unconventional ways to build your network on LinkedIn?

What do you have, because I teaching people all the time. So

I'm just curious what you do that works, or that you show

people,

I think that probably comes from not starting

my search on LinkedIn. And I don't focus a lot on, on posting

and starting the conversation myself, I like to jump into

other people's conversations, I like to get into the comments of

posts that I find interesting, and talk to people who are

already in that conversation. So it doesn't have to be me

starting the conversation. Yeah, and I'm also not afraid to take

it to the DMS like right away, because I don't have an agenda

right away, like I don't have anything I need from you or want

from you. I just want to connect. And usually to tell

them that I really liked what they had to say or that I think

they're really interesting, or probably because I'm curious. So

I guess that's where it comes from, is just like a very innate

curiosity about people and what they're all about and what

they're doing. Yeah,

that's, that's interesting, because that is a

strategy that I show people sometimes, but I'm more about

hanging out in the mailbox in the private messaging. And so I

will do is show people a way to, you don't even have to go to the

content, you can just do a strategic search to find some

people in either a category or a location or whatever filters you

want to use to find some prospects or some referral

partners or strategic collaborators that you want to

find on LinkedIn. And then start looking at those profiles. And

from there, go in and ask to connect with them, or follow

them for a bit if you prefer, I go right to connect with a

message and try to get them into a one on one. And, and it works.

And I have a few messages that I that I like to ask them to see

if I can get them talking about themselves. So it's kind of fun.

So that works, too. So

that sounds like it's interesting, because you

have a slightly different approach than I do to kind of

get to the same end, I'd be curious to know what your what

your Colby Mo is because it sounds like you have some

structure and some rep like repetitive systems that sort of

work

for why it didn't study my Colby that closely. So

I'll have to go back and look at it and see well,

I'm super curious, because I'm the

opposite of you. I don't have a structure or a system that I can

like really repeat. But which is why I start outside of LinkedIn

and just in the real world, then I go because it's so easy to

connect directly with people, I go find them and talk to them on

LinkedIn just directly.

We'll have a conversation about that one.

Yeah, definitely. Okay, thank you. That's awesome. Well, this

has been amazing. And I appreciate your time. And I love

that we have so much in common and and that we're both left

handed it couldn't have gotten it before we end, I wonder if

you have any final words for my audience and where people can

find you. And I will, of course put it in the show notes as

well. But over to you. You

know, I think I would just piggyback again, on

what you said earlier about letting yourself come through in

your marketing and your content and your, you know, interactions

online. I think if you are willing to let yourself be seen,

it'll be a lot more easy to it'll be a lot easier to build

your reputation and become visible and have success because

people have to see you to appreciate you and want to work

with you.

Very cool. Thank you. Where can they find you?

I just like to connect on LinkedIn. So LinkedIn

it is and I have that. So I will put that in the

show notes. Thank you so much, Kara, for being here and for

sharing your expertise and personality with us and I've

enjoyed it so much. Thank you.

You're very welcome. And to my audience,

thank you so much, and we will see you on the other side.