When it comes to the profession, a lot of teachers get nervous and struggle to communicate with parents, so when parent-teacher conferences come around, it makes a lot of teachers anxious. We felt the same way when we were in the classroom but have since learned a few tips and tricks along the way. In today’s episode, we’re troubleshooting some common problems with parent-teacher conferences and sharing our favorite parent conference tips.
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Resources:
Mentioned in this episode:
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Emily 0:36
Hey there. Thanks for joining us today. In today's episode, we're troubleshooting some common problems that come with parent teacher conferences and sharing a tip for elevating the whole experience.
Heidi 0:48
We start our episodes with a morning message, just like we used to do a morning meeting in our classrooms. This week's morning message is, how do you get parents to attend parent teacher conferences?
Emily 0:59
We asked our community this question, and got some great responses. So we're going to skip talking about their suggestions now and share their tips throughout the episode.
Heidi 1:07
One of the things that makes teaching so challenging are all of the extras that teachers are required to do besides teaching.
Emily 1:16
We like to call these barrel tasks. If you remember the original Donkey Kong game, your little Mario is trying to rescue the princess. He has to scale ladders and jump hurdles and collect hammers. But as if that weren't hard enough, Donkey Kong starts throwing barrels at him, so now he's got all these barrels to dodge.
Heidi 1:35
These barrels come at you all the time as a teacher. You are just doing your best to make it through another day, and then your principal sends an email reminding everyone to decorate their doors for spirit week, or you've got a mandatory training next Tuesday, and now you have to make sub plans on top of your regular plans. Things like this get thrown at us all the time as teachers, and it's how we end up falling behind.
Emily 1:58
Today, we're talking about one of our least favorite barrel tasks, parent teacher conferences. I know some teachers love them, but I felt like they ruined three weeks of my life every time they were scheduled, because there was the panic of the week before, and then the stress of the week of and the recovery of the week after.
Heidi 2:15
It took such a toll every time. So we reached out to listeners to ask about their headaches and their successes with parent conferences. It probably won't shock anyone to learn that we heard about way more headaches than successes. So let's see if we can help turn some of those hassles into hurrays.
Emily 2:35
Let's start with preparing ourselves. One listener says, I got verbally attacked during a parent conference my first year of teaching, and I've been scarred ever since.
Heidi 2:45
First of all, we really want to validate this concern. You don't know what to expect when a parent walks through your door, and the volatility of parents has skyrocketed in the last decade. So it's only natural to have anxiety about whether or not you are about to be a news headline.
Emily 3:00
One antidote to this type of anxiety is to make sure you've done what you can to be prepared. For that reason, I think the golden rule of parent conferences is no surprises.
Emily 3:11
During a mid year conference, a parent should not be hearing for the first time that their child is significantly struggling or not turning in any assignments. Address problems as they come up during the year, because no one should be blindsided during a parent teacher conference.
Heidi 3:26
Another way to prevent surprises is to send report cards home in advance. I worked with some teachers who waited until the conference to give parents the report cards, and I think that's just asking for trouble.
Emily 3:38
No I'm shaking my head. I don't like that.
Heidi 3:41
I anted parents to know beforehand where everything stood so they could just come prepared with their questions and concerns and the surprise and maybe some of the anger will have dissipated.
Emily 3:51
Sometimes, the most comforting form of preparation is having a plan. We have a mini course called Conferences with Confidence. One of the things we discuss in the course, is what to do if certain things happen. If parents are blaming you, then do this. If parents want to turn your conference into a therapy session, then do this.
Heidi 4:10
Not only do we discuss lots of these situations in the course, but we have a handy page of if then situations that you can print to keep with you during the conference. Think of it as us being there to back you up in a tough moment, if things are going up the rails, you can just quickly reference the sheet to know what to say and what to do to get everything back on track.
Emily 4:31
You can get the Conferences with Confidence course and all the printables that come with it at the link in our show notes.
Heidi 4:38
Another way to prepare is to send home a pre conference form. Ask parents to tell you what they think is going well and any concerns they might have, so that you can prepare suggestions in advance.
Emily 4:50
We have a simple pre conference form in the conferences with confidence workbook that you can send home. Now whether or not parents actually return those pre conference forms is another issue, but if you can get a heads up from even a few parents, you'll still be ahead of the game.
Heidi 5:05
And that brings us to the second golden rule of parent conferences.
Emily 5:09
Can you have a second golden rule? Maybe it's the Silver Rule.
Heidi 5:13
Okay, all right, we can have the Silver Rule of parent conferences, but that is so much harder to say. But the silver rule is never mention a problem without offering a solution.
Heidi 5:26
One listener told us My biggest struggle with conferences is delivering negative information. It is necessary, but I always fear the reactions or blow back from the parents. Sugar coating and compliment sandwiches can only get you so far. I agonized about this in my head beforehand. In reality, I am almost always relieved that it wasn't as bad as I expected after the event.
Emily 5:48
I appreciate that this listener pointed out that a compliment sandwich where you say something nice, say something that might be hard to hear, and then say something nice doesn't always solve the problem. It can cushion the blow, but it leaves tension in the air of the unresolved. Now, what?
Heidi 6:03
So really and truly, never mention a problem without offering a solution. You're the professional, parents typically aren't trained educators, so they want to know what you are going to do to resolve the issue.
Emily 6:17
That's why, instead of a compliment sandwich, we want to make it meaningful. We'll start with our positives and make it meaningful by highlighting the child. We want to offer specific examples of strengths that not only celebrate our students, but show how well we know them.
Heidi 6:32
Compliments don't have to be academic to be meaningful. If there's not a lot of academic progress to cheer about right now, tell how he's so polite and he's a good partner during centers, or that you appreciate that she follows directions quickly. This lets parents know that anything negative you might say is coming from a place of love.
Emily 6:51
Some kids are really hard to compliment. It feels like everything they do is the exact wrong thing to be doing. If you've got a student like that, make an effort a few days before the conference to start noticing the things that child is doing right. Go out to recess or go to the lunchroom, if you need to, and write down the good things you notice so you can remember them when you're in the middle of the conference
Heidi 7:12
Next we make a conference meaningful by discussing our concerns about how well a child is meeting expectations. Data is your friend here. Use assessments to show your concerns for academic progress and give specific examples to highlight any behavior concerns.
Emily 7:28
For every concern you raise, you need to have a clear plan of action. The goal is to outline to parents exactly what you'll be doing to support their child, then offer concrete suggestions for ways parents can offer support at home. If Ava needs to practice fractions, show some of the games you'll have her play during centers, then suggest an online game she can play at home.
Heidi 7:50
Right. We're back to never mentioning a concern that we don't have a solution for. So point out what you are doing in class and make a straightforward, simple suggestion for what parents can do.
Emily 8:01
Some solutions may be outside the scope of your abilities. If that's the case, suggest someone who can help. Perhaps you would like the school counselor to come observe or maybe you want the math specialist to work with the student. If you need parent permission for their child to work with these other professionals have the paperwork available for them to sign.
Heidi 8:21
The tone you're looking for is confidently curious. I am a professional. Here are the next steps we are going to take, and we're going to do these other things to get to the bottom of what's going on. I have concerns, but I am not out of my depth, even if you really are out of your depth.
Emily 8:39
This is a lot of information to pack into 10 or 15 minutes, which is why several listeners said their biggest conference headache is timing. How to say everything that needs to be said and stay on schedule is tricky.
Heidi 8:52
One thing that might help us to have a clear meeting agenda, there's one that you can use in the Conferences with Confidence course. It can help you stay on task and help you move speedily through lots of important content.
Emily 9:04
If your conference is running over, apologize for cutting the meeting short and set up a time to continue the discussion. Promise you'll be in touch after the conference if you can't reschedule right then.
Heidi 9:14
If parents show up to the conference after their assigned time, then thank them for coming and let them know when you can visit with them if they care to wait, but don't bump anyone to accommodate them, or you can offer them a chance to reschedule.
Emily 9:27
These situations, and many others are included in the if then situation sheets, so you can have it for a handy reference.
Heidi 9:34
Those if then sheets really are some of the best things I think we've made.
Heidi 9:39
Now let's talk about the problem that we heard about more than any other, getting parents to attend. I wish this had an easy fix, but I guess if it had an easy fix, it probably wouldn't be such a problem.
Emily 9:51
I love that episode of Abbott Elementary where Janine is waiting the whole episode to have a conference with a mom who finally shows up just as Janine is trying to leave school, and Janine is upset until she finds out that the mom was late because she got stuck at work in the emergency room.
Heidi:I think that's such a good lesson, because it's easy to assume that parents don't come because they don't care, but there are lots of reasons that parents may not come to conferences.
Heidi:Maybe there's a language barrier, maybe they don't have childcare, maybe they have trauma from their experiences as students. Maybe they already feel overwhelmed dealing with a difficult child, and they just can't handle any more bad news about this kid. And maybe they really don't care, but we can't know for sure.
Emily:Whatever the reason, it's definitely not fun when it happens. So what can we do to get parents to show up? We asked our teacher approved Facebook group for their tips, and here's what they had to say.
Heidi:Some people mentioned that positive communication with parents all year makes them more willing to attend conferences.
Heidi:Angela says, I think you have to start building a relationship with parents as you start building them with your kids. Beginning the year with emails and messages about sweet things you see the kids do lets parents know that you care about their kids as people. It's work, but then the parents tend to be there for you when you need them.
Emily:And Twanda adds celebrate the kids before conference time and communicate with parents from week one. She also suggests requesting a time to meet for a conference instead of informing the parents that you're having a conference at a certain time.
Heidi:And I really liked that suggestion because I hadn't thought of it before, but I could see that with some personality types telling them that you're having a conference instead of asking to have one, could be a real deal breaker.
Emily:And that brings up the second tip from teachers, which is to be flexible. If possible, give parents the option to schedule the time that works best for them. Michelle says, I send a Google form so that parents can indicate a preference for the day and time of their conference. It helps to ensure that they will be able to attend this scheduled appointment.
Heidi:And if you're looking for digital tools for scheduling conferences, besides Google forms, we've had teachers recommend the Bloomz app with a Z and the old standard that we all love, sign up genius.
Emily:Besides being flexible with scheduling, try to be flexible with conference formats. Kelly suggests giving the option for over the phone or in person meetings. She says that way working parents can be accommodated easier.
Heidi:And Merritt adds agreed offer virtual or in person options, also lots of reminders and snacks.
Emily:Yeah, people are way more likely to show up for food. So if it, if the budget will stretch for it, food is worth a shot.
Heidi:One thing that made a huge difference for the success of my conferences was switching to student led conferences.
Heidi:It made it easier to accommodate parents at a set time. It reduced the issues of parents coming late or staying too long. It made it easier to schedule translators. The kids were more excited about it, so they bugged their parents to attend. It took the attention off me and put it on the student's progress. I really cannot recommend this format enough.
Emily:And I never got a chance to do conferences this way. So tell me how you did it.
Heidi:Well, I was kind of flying on my own here because I didn't even know that these were called student led conferences. I was calling them walking report cards, and I couldn't find anything online about that, funny enough. So here's how I made it work. People out there probably had better suggestions, but this is what worked for me.
Heidi:So I would let the parents choose a 30 minute window to attend during our parent conference night. I decided I could handle about six people in the room at a time. I tried to only have four, but I could handle about six. So that meant that most everyone got their first choice of time.
Heidi:Now, I did schedule the parents who needed translators according to when the translators were available, but I only needed one translator in the room, instead of needing a translator for each individual parent, so that helped cut down on some of that scheduling.
Heidi:Then I planned out some tasks that the students could show their parents, like how to do a word sort, reading a page from their reading books, teaching their parents how to play a math game, showing an example of their writing, all of those kind of activities that would let the kids show what they could do in a variety of areas.
Heidi:And then I put all of that onto a checklist for the students to follow, and gave them little clipboards. It was really cute. Looking back, one thing that I wish I had done was to give parents a list of questions that they might want to ask their students, like, What do you enjoy most about math? Or, how well do you stay on task during centers?
Emily:Oh, that's such a good idea. And you could even have a list of questions translated, and that would make it even more helpful. If you want a list of sample questions, there's a link in the show notes to a free Parent Survival Guide to Student Led Conferences that contains a list of questions parents should ask.
Heidi:The hardest part of student led conferences was the practicing. I did not do any small group time on conference day. Instead, we use those time to practice.
Heidi:So we'd have our lesson, and then when we would normally have our small group time, we would do a model of a guided conference. So I modeled what to do first with a couple of students that were pretending to be my parents, and then we practiced several times throughout the day with the kids acting as each other's parents.
Heidi:When it was time for the conference, because we'd practiced so much, the kids knew exactly what to do. I would greet the parents as they arrived, but mostly I just let the kids were in the show, and while they were talking, I just hopped around from group to group to check in.
Heidi:The last task on their list was to talk to me. So as they were wrapping up, I would sit down to celebrate how much their child has learned and set some goals for going forward. If parents had concerns, we could schedule a one on one meeting for later in the week.
Heidi:Letting the students run the show make the whole experience so much more positive and informative. And if you have the option, I highly recommend it. Now I was only allowed to do this for the third conference of the year, so it's worth just trying to see what you can get your school on board with. But it was that third conference was definitely the conference I dreaded the least.
Emily:Conferences are so much work. If you have any other tips to share about how you make conferences a success, please come tell us about it in our teacher approved Facebook group.
Emily:Now let's talk about this week's teacher approved tip. Each week we leave you with a small actionable tip that you can apply in your classroom today. This week's teacher approved tip is to be the host. Tell us more about it, Heidi.
Heidi:Because as teachers, I know we want to be so accommodating to parents, there's sometimes a tendency for us to kind of be passive during conferences. We're nervous about overstepping or we don't want to offend anyone, so sometimes we hold back from taking the lead.
Heidi:But in reality, your conferences will be much more productive if you can step up to be a confident host. This is especially important if you don't feel confident. Try to imagine that you are welcoming people to your home, and transfer that energy to inviting them into your classroom.
Emily:Another part of being a confident host is thinking through your guests experience. Do they know where to go, or should you put up signs? Can they sit comfortably? Or do you need to round up adult sized chairs? Is the atmosphere of your room welcoming?
Emily:We talk about this in great detail back in episode 30 of the podcast. One thing we suggest in that episode is to consider having some very soft music playing in the background. So I do want to put in a little plug for the teacher approved parent conferences playlist on Spotify that Heidi carefully curated for us. Tell us about it, Heidi.
Heidi:Well it is over four hours of instrumental background music. So obviously you could use this anytime in your classroom where you needed background music, but I specifically chose this for parent conferences using this highly scientific rubric, and that was, Can I imagine this song playing while I'm telling parents your child is a delight to have in class.
Heidi:And also, could this song be playing while I'm telling a parent, your child peed down the slide at recess. I've had both of those conversations, so if the music works in both scenarios, I knew it was a keeper. So hopefully this playlist is helpful, and hopefully you only have to tell parents one of those things.
Emily:Hopefully the first one, not the second one.
Heidi:It's on Spotify. There's a link to it in our show notes, where you can look for the teacher approved parent conference playlist.
Heidi:To wrap up the show, we are sharing what we're giving extra credit to this week. Emily, what gets your extra credit?
Emily:I'm giving extra credit to the audible original book, Maybe This Time by Cara Bastone. I don't know if it's Bastone or Bastoni, but I've read several of her audible originals and her full book that came out earlier this year, and I loved them all, but this one is by far my favorite. I don't want to give too much away, but just a fair warning for Heidi's fears, it does involve accidental time travel.
Heidi:Oh no, I don't know if I can handle it.
Emily:The tagline is, she's stuck in the future. He's stuck on her. Oh, cute. It's narrated by a full cast, including Noah Reed, who Heidi and I know from Patrick on Schitts Creek. Oh, I love him. It was a total delight. And since it's an audible original, you can listen for free if you have an audible membership. So I will link to that in the show notes.
Heidi:Might have to renew my audible membership. I think I got rid of that.
Emily:Yeah, it's a fun read. What's your extra credit, Heidi?
Heidi:My extra credit is going to Bluelands Body Wash pouches. If you're not familiar with Blueland, how it works is they send you a refillable bottle and then a little bag of soap powder. You just mix the powder with water in the bottle, you wait an hour, and you're good to go.
Heidi:So I have used their hand soap tablets for years, and I really like them. But I was a little unsure about how body wash would go, but I have been using it for a few weeks now, and I really like it. It has a good consistency. The bottle is easy to use, which can be a hassle sometimes, and it has a good scent without being too overpowering.
Heidi:And the nice thing is, when I need more, I can just order some refill pouches instead of, you know, buying a big plastic bottle that will just end up in a landfill somewhere. So yay for Blueland.
Emily:I'll have to check that out. I haven't used Blueland in several years since my children broke not one but two sinks in my house because they knocked over the heavy duty, beautiful glass Blueland hand soap dispensers into the sink, which I should have just got a different dispenser, but instead, I just stopped using that kind of hand soap. But maybe I'll go back to it now.
Heidi:There you go. And the body wash bottle is plastic, because that was my concern. I cannot have a glass bottle in the shower. I'm too klutzy.
Emily:Yeah. Well, I will definitely check that out.
Heidi:That is it for today's episode. Prepare ahead of time for your parent conferences, and remember to act like a confident host, even if you don't feel like one. And don't forget to check out our Conferences with Confidence mini course to get all of our best tips, tricks and helpful printables.
Emily:If you enjoyed this episode, please consider giving us a five star rating and review. Ratings and reviews are so helpful to us because they help new listeners find our show.