Writing highly acclaimed books for a living is no mean feat, but when you drop ADHD into the mix, it's something even more impressive.

On today's episode, I talk to Kate Spencer, the best-selling author of In a New York Minute, The Dead Moms Club and her recently released novel, One Last Summer. We discuss the specific challenges ADHD provides when being an author and specifically discuss the notion of internal pressure, self-esteem, procrastination and judging our own productivity.

Kate's work has been published by The Washington Post, Rolling Stone, Esquire, InStyle, Cosmopolitan, Buzzfeed, and numerous other places. Previously, she was a senior editor and producer at VH1 and co-host of the popular podcast, Forever35. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two daughters.

On this episode of the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, Kate and Kate discuss:

• Switching between tasks and adjusting to ADHD
• Managing your internal pressure and workload
• Being creative and writing with ADHD
• Finding your unique methods of productivity
• Realising your high expectations of yourself
• Normalising ADHD procrastination
• Journeying with ADHD medication

Look at some of Kate's ADHD workshops and free resources here.

Kate Moryoussef is a women’s ADHD Lifestyle & Wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed ADHD women find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity. 

Follow the podcast on Instagram here.

Follow Kate on Instagram here.

Find Kate's resources on ADDitude magazine here.

Mentioned in this episode:

Gratitude link

Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.

I'm Kate Moore Youssef, and I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT practitioner, mum to four kids, and passionate about helping more women to understand and accept their amazing ADHD brains.

After speaking to many women just like me and probably you, I know there is a need for more health and lifestyle support for women newly diagnosed with adhd.

In these conversations, you'll learn from insightful guests, hear new findings, and discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm and purposeful life wherever you are on your ADHD journey.

Here's today's episode.

Today we've got another Kate in house.

Her name is Kate Spencer and she is the author of a few fantastic books, A Couple Are in a New York Minute, the Dead Mums Club, and the recently released One Last Summer.

She's written for a lot of very cool titles such as Cosmopolitan, InStyle, Rolling Stone, and the Washington Post.

And Kate lives in LA with her two daughters and her husband.

And so I'm actually very excited to talk to Kate about being an author, but also being neurodivergent herself.

Lots of questions about to happen.

So, Kate, welcome to the podcast.

Thank you so much for having me.

This is one of my favorite things to talk about, so I'm very excited.

Amazing.

So when you say this is one of your favorite things to talk about, is that the intersection of writing, being an author with ADHD or adhd.

Tell me a little bit.

Great question so we can hit that sweet spot for you.

I think for me it is adhd, because I still feel like I am peeling back all the layers of discovering what ADHD looks like, what it means for me, how it presents, how I work with it.

Like, what are its gifts, what are its challenges?

I was diagnosed as an adult in the last couple of years, but I technically now kind of understand that.

I was diagnosed when I was a teenager, but no one would call it ADHD.

I'm 45, so I was a teenager in the 90s when the conversation around neurodivergency was very different.

So, you know, I'm kind of.

There's a lot of, like, reflection that I think goes on and when you receive a diagnosis and reflecting on moments that happened in your past.

So I still feel like, personally I'm still having this conversation and this discovery with myself.

So it's really exciting and healing to talk to other people about it, especially people who, you know, kind of understand it on an intimate level.

Yeah, yeah, we definitely understand it on an intimate level.

And likewise, I'm, you know, I'm 44.

I was diagnosed at the age of 40 alongside one of my daughters.

And now my kids are sort of getting.

Have been diagnosed, and there's, you know, we've almost got a clean sweep with the four of them.

And it's manifest so differently.

I mean, every single person I speak to with adhd, it looks slightly different.

I mean, I'm totally intrigued because I'm in awe of the fact that you have published these books and they're behind you, and they look amazing and hugely professional and all of that.

And I have this thing where I put people on a pedestal of, I guess, accomplishments I know I would find very difficult and do find very difficult, and that is sitting down for long periods of time and taking what's in my brain and putting it out onto paper, because I have a lot in my brain.

I'm sure you will relate.

But then it's the processing, the executive functioning, the working memory of downloading that into some form of order on paper.

It's so hard.

And you write novels?

Yes.

Tell me a little bit about.

I guess.

Did you have a diagnosis before you started writing, or is this in between books?

So I wrote my first book, which is a memoir about grief.

That's the Dead Mom's Club.

So I didn't have a formal diagnosis then.

It's really been in the last couple of years that I've received, like, a diagnosis with my psychiatrist and have been properly medicated, and I'm working on it with my therapist.

So it's funny you just mentioned writing the books because something that somebody close to me said when I told them that I had received an ADHD diagnosis was, but you've written three books.

As if somebody's ability to complete something is a defining.

I think it can feel very defining for those of us who struggle with executive function or who have adhd.

But it was interesting to me just what the perception of ADHD was from somebody who wasn't particularly informed.

Like, there are people with ADHD accomplishing all sorts of massive things all day long.

And actually, what's really interesting about being specifically a romance author is that there are a lot of people, a lot of neurodivergent people writing in that space.

That being said, I do feel like every day for me is like a new journey of trying to figure out how to do it, and then on top of that, how to.

How to be A writer or to write books and not be especially hard on myself, because I don't.

For me, one thing that really just comes up is a lot of like, why can't I do this?

What's.

Like, I don't have a system.

What's wrong with me?

You know, And I now kind of am able to speak to that side of myself with much more empathy.

But it can be really hard.

I think we do do things differently and it doesn't always look the same day to day to day.

For some other folks it does, but I've had to kind of just accept that side of how I write totally.

And you know, the undercurrent of that is exhaustion is burnout.

Like what you said before about there's so many people with ADHD accomplishing so many things, but to what expense is that?

You know, like, we have a finite amount of energy and because doing things in order, sequencing again or working memory, like we have to work maybe twice, three times as hard as a neurotypical person to achieve that.

And then at the expense of maybe a family parenting, like literally having to kind of go to bed for like two or three days.

I know that you've experienced burnout in the past and I guess, how do you deal with that and how did that show up for you?

You know, it's so interesting.

My most recent novel, One Last Summer, it's a romantic comedy, but the main character is suffering from burnout and she's kind of the last to realize it.

And what dawned on me as I was in the throes, kind of promoting this book was that I was dealing with some immense burnout and just had completely rationalized it, brushed it aside, kind of made it like, well, I'm just not focused enough or working hard enough.

And I ended up like leaving the podcast that I had created and worked on for six and a half years and that I really loved making and loved doing and I worked with my best friend and it was such a gift to this podcast.

The community is and was amazing, but I was struggling so intensely with being burnt out.

And it's also, you know, it can feel kind of silly to talk about because like a podcast is not performing.

I'm not an anesthesiologist in a hospital.

I am not a preschool teacher juggling 34 year olds.

Like it's, it is.

I heard somebody say it's like, it's not hard work, but it's a lot of work.

And that really resonated with me because I was really struggling with the amount of work and trying to switch back and forth between writing a book in the morning and then for an hour we would have to record a pod.

Like, my brain couldn't quite handle the constant switching of focus and that.

And when I actually spoke to my podcast partner about this, who's neurotypical, and I was like, it's really hard for me to go from preparing for this interview and doing an interview and then trying to go right after, like, I can't.

I physically can't do it.

And she was like, oh, yeah, that doesn't.

I have no problem doing that.

And it was really interesting to me because I don't think I understood that that could be a thing.

That could be a thing.

A part of ADHD was just that, like, switching back and forth and kind of trying to contain all this information in my head would be so challenging.

So I.

Yeah, I made the decision to step back from it because I was.

I have two children, and I'm kind of the main parental caregiver in our home.

And between writing books, you know, producing a podcast with three episodes a week and doing all the other things that was going on, I was just.

I was on autopilot and I was so fried.

And taking the podcasting out of the equation just allowed for my days to have less things in them.

So that I think I'm able to now kind of focus better because I don't have the kind of scramble.

I don't look at this long list and you think I have to go back and forth between all these things.

It's one thing that I have.

You know, it's not.

There's many things still.

But taking something out, I think has helped kind of alleviate the brain stress of it all.

But it really.

This is a long winded answer, but it really.

I was really fried, and it was impacting my mental health, my physical health.

An autoimmune issue kind of popped up with long Covid.

And that was really related to stress.

And I was again, the last person to note.

I just kind of brushed it aside as just being part of working and part of life.

Yeah, it's so interesting because, I mean, what you're talking about is, is the task switching.

So the task switching, I guess, is we have this part of our brain that is challenged by lots of different tasks.

Priority sequencing.

And when we.

We have to kind of have like, a buffer zone, we have to have time to kind of like, decompress and breathe and maybe go for a walk and just kind of like, settle before we start Another task.

And I think you're right, neurotypical people can do this a bit better than us.

Still probably feel that brain stress, but it just doesn't impact them to the same level that it impacts us where we feel really burnt out and really fried from it.

You know, I think for folks with adhd, one thing we do is like we, we come up with like 8 million systems to try to navigate the scramble, but that can also be part of what burns us out.

And like I say these things, they're challenges, but like then on the flip side, they're also like, I think some of my greatest like gifts as a creative person and as a friend and all the things.

So I want to make sure I'm acknowledging like the beauty of it too.

But in when it's.

The pendulum swings to the really hard side of it, it can just be hard to contain all the information in your brain and then the balls get dropped or the system start failing you and can, you know, that's kind of when the negative self talk and the self esteem gets really impacted for me.

Anyway, yeah.

I wanted to ask you because I can see in the video, whoever's going to watch this on Instagram, there's lots of post notes behind you and you said to me that this potentially might be, you know, a plot of a new book, but is that how you download your ideas?

Like, what.

How does it work for you as an author, novelist who's going to have to come up with a structure in the beginning, middle, event and end?

Like, how does it work with adhd?

So I think.

So I'm writing my fourth book right now actually, and I think what I'm starting to learn and understand about myself is that I don't have one way of doing it.

And that's, and that is my way of writing books.

Because I, we get this question a lot as authors where it's like, what's your writing process?

And how do you, you know, like, do you outline or do you just draft a book?

And I think people want a concrete answer of like, here's what I do every time.

And I actually, I think I've always put a lot of pressure on myself to have something like that.

Like, oh, I outline a book this way and I use this, these steps and then I write this amount and it's just not, I don't think that's realistic one.

For many people who have other jobs and other commitments as writers.

But also for me, like, my brain just, I don't have a definitive way.

This is the only book that I've ever posted noted, this book is not written.

This is just kind of an idea I've had.

And I just was scribbling and I thought, I need to be more visual.

Like, it helps me to be visual.

Why don't I post a note and put it on this door behind me in my office?

And then for the book I'm writing now, I wrote an outline.

And then for other books I've written, I've never done a single outline and I've just kind of written them very freely, so.

Wow.

I think part of the process is accept it.

For me, anyway, again, for me, it's been accepting that my process for things can change and can be different every time.

So much of my life I've wanted.

I've put a lot of pressure on myself to be the per.

Like, you've got to do it this way and this is how you do something and you do it that way every time.

That's kind of how I was taught, I guess, to be a human.

And that's just not realistic for me.

Kind of meeting that with, like, acceptance has been.

Or it's a process.

I'm still kind of figuring, you know, I'm still kind of figuring it out.

I think there.

I think also, though, as a writer, there are certain things that are consistent.

Like, I.

I know I need to see things.

I'm a visual person.

I try to work in short bursts of energy.

And I use this thing called the time timer.

Do you have one on your desk?

Yes.

And that helps me.

I love that whenever I turn mine on, it always starts beeping.

There are certain tools that I know kind of help me every time.

Like there are people who use the app notion and there are a lot of people with ADHD who use the app notion.

For me, I can't use it because it's not.

I need to see stuff directly in front of me.

And the radical acceptance that my way is okay, even if it doesn't look like anybody else's, or even if it's different every time doesn't mean that it doesn't have value and it isn't working.

And for me, so much of adhd and I also have OCD and anxiety and all these other things, but so much of it is connected to my self worth and self esteem and like, kind of a narrative I've had about myself for my whole life.

So I'm having to accept things about myself in a way with a lot more like love and grace than I've ever given Myself before.

Yeah, yeah.

I think a lot of people who get their diagnoses later on in life, I know that you mentioned that you, you had a diagnosis of some sort, you know, when you were a child, but maybe that wasn't, you know, that wasn't helpful or the way it was kind of articulated wasn't helpful, or you didn't get the support or the validation or anything.

And then when it comes in adulthood, especially when you've been navigating these, you know, deep layers and anything to do with kind of like self worth and self esteem kind of really does run very deep.

I totally get that.

And then you kind of have to relearn how to live with this new acceptance and recognition that it's okay for things to look different.

Like I was exactly the same.

And I kind of thought, well, my career doesn't look like other people's careers and if it doesn't look like what I thought it should look like, then it's wrong.

And that's the narrative I was telling myself.

It was just, that's right and that's how people do it.

And because I haven't done it like that, then I'm.

It's not right and therefore I'm not worthy.

And it's taken me a long time to kind of totally scrap all of that.

And now I feel really happy with the weaving and the non, very non linear path that it's taken.

And I think, I hope that this generation, this next generation are a lot more open to this way of being and working and recognizing that they don't have to do it one way.

And there's not one formula.

And maybe I think, you know, obviously being similar ages we were the outcome of, you know, the 80s and the 90s and University College, academic kind of accomplishments kind of stamped our self worth.

And if we didn't have that or we didn't do the, you know, the career path that we're meant to, that, you know, we're a failure.

And so now when we have these ADHD diagnoses, I'm seeing a lot in women.

Yes, there's a process.

Yes, there's grief and sadness and anger and all these different things.

But actually it's almost like unshackling.

It's like freeing.

Yes.

From okay, so I can do things my way and my way doesn't have to be wrong.

It's just a different way.

Yeah, I think you're right about the unshackling, the kind of freedom or like deeper understanding that happens for me.

I've Definitely still and have experienced a lot of, like, the grief and anger side of it.

But then there is also the kind of like, I'm not bad.

You know, I think a lot of the narrative I was fed when I was younger, specifically in school, was like, you're bad.

You're not doing your work.

You're bad.

You know, it was just like this total binary of either like, you're good or a bad student.

And I really internalize that.

And for me now it's really kind of letting go of that voice of like, you're not bad.

You're just doing things in a different way.

And.

And you're still doing things in a way that.

That work for you.

Like, what was your background with regards to maybe family conditioning and the neurodivergence that was clearly there and maybe kind of like not recognized or dealt with.

And what were the expectations that you felt so heavily on yourself?

You know, it's interesting.

A lot of it came from school.

I.

My parents were very accepting and empathetic in the way they raised me, but they also only had the tools available to them that were there at the time, you know, and so I also think my mom, probably.

My mom's no longer alive, but I think she maybe understood that she also was neurodivergent, but didn't.

There was no language available to her at the time to put that into words.

But in like, really reflecting on her and things that she said, that is kind of what I.

What I believe now.

Like, for example, for me in elementary school, I was, you know, tested gifted, but was bored out of my mind.

And I wouldn't do my schoolwork.

It was very dry, and I just could not bring myself to do it.

And I couldn't understand why when they were like, every other kid seemed to be able to sit down and do their, like, spelling workbook.

And even though it was not challenging intellectually, I could not do it.

The way I was just made to feel was like, by the teachers was like, oh, you're an idiot.

Like, you're not.

What is wrong with you?

And nobody really dug into, like, why is this child struggling to complete work that we know?

Just, you know, that kind of stuff where I really internalized a lot of the kind of way I was treated when I was younger.

And I think as my access to better teachers grew, there was And a more creative style of learning.

As I got older, school became something that was much more enjoyable for me.

But in the early years where it was very kind of traditional learning, I really Struggled.

I think that lack of kind of understanding from my teachers has always kind of like haunted me a little bit, which was also kind of confounding because my parents were actually very empathetic about it.

You know, they would like accommodate at home and come up with different ways to support me, but that wasn't always mirrored in the school setting.

And so it was just kind of confusing.

Yeah.

So hard, isn't it?

Because obviously your parents found, sounded quite progressive that they understood that there was something going on, something underlying and they were helping you at home.

But ADHD and girls, you know, back in the sort of late 80s, early 90s, it was, it was just not.

And I know America, America was much more forward thinking than it was, you know, here in the uk.

Like, I know that ADHD was, was, was widely recognized in boys, but I think for girls it was very few and far between.

Did you have like a teacher or a mentor that saw that you had a talent for writing and did they kind of champion you and encourage you to focus and hone that energy into your writing?

Is there someone specific?

Not necessarily one specific.

I had a few experiences.

I went to, I ended up going to an all girls school, which was really helpful.

It was also just a much smaller.

I went from public to private school, which I know the terms are a little different in the uk, but in the private school I went to was very small and having that kind of really like attention from teachers was so helpful.

It's funny, I did find a, A paper I wrote in 9th grade when I was 14 and we had to write an alternate ending to a Barbara Kingsolver book called the Bean Trees.

And the one I wrote is like a really, it's like a romance.

And the teacher, I got a really nice grade and she wrote a comment that was like, you should be writing Harlequin romance novels.

And I, and it merely made me chuckle because that comment always stayed with me my whole life and.

But I, you know, I kind of.

Her encouragement always stayed with me and that is now kind of what I'm doing professionally.

And it just was moving to go back and see that.

But I had some, I had some really lovely teachers.

And it's funny because when you find what works for you and it, and it starts to fall into place, it can feel so freeing because, you know, it's almost like you didn't realize this was quote unquote allowed.

And then you're like, I can, I'm doing this.

Okay.

And it feels, it feels amazing.

Yeah, you're Waiting for someone to stop, like imposter syndrome.

It's like someone's going to definitely find me and put this all, you know, all to an end and cover me.

But, you know, it's.

It's okay.

And the more women I speak to, neurodivergent women especially, and they're so creative and they have so many ideas and they may be in careers that have just not suited them, but they've done the thing because of the expectations of, I guess, everything.

Conditioning, family expectations, their own expectations.

And they're cramming themselves into a box that's stifling them and suppressing them and not bringing out any good parts.

And it's filtering out into their life.

And I know you mentioned at the beginning that, you know, there was ramifications in your health and autoimmune issues and all sorts of mental health.

And I hear this all the time, that when we aren't allowing ourselves to be who we want to be authentically and however that kind of wants to expose itself, I guess, through career, through life partners, children, parenting, however that looks, and we're kind of closing ourselves in.

And then when finally we're let to be free to be who we are, we see, oh, actually, that chronic backache has gone.

Those migraines that I've suffered for decades aren't as frequent.

I understand it's not that simple.

There's lots of hormonal issues as well.

And medication is very important.

Holistic lifestyle changes, we have to do the whole kit and caboodle.

It can't just be one thing.

But very often that fulfillment side, that joy, that creativity, if we can channel it, we do, we do tend to feel better.

And I wonder, when you feel like you're in your flow with writing the books that really feel good to you, do you notice that in your life as well?

Oh, my gosh, what a great question.

I wrote two of my books, like, really in the throes of kind of early pandemic, when the trauma of what we were experiencing was so intense and like, I was, you know, had children who were at home for a year doing school at Zoom on Zoom.

Like just the kind of intensity of the situation.

And I say this as somebody who likes went has gone through Covid with like every privilege imaginable, like a home and access to wireless and, you know, available childcare.

Like, it just, it was so hard and I had all these things in place.

So that is.

It's hard to kind of reflect back on because it was such a high stress situation.

Yeah, totally agree.

And I think, you know, one thing another writer just recently shared, and I was like, this is a really great reminder for me.

Was like, she was just talking about having fun writing her characters.

And I put so much pressure on myself when I'm writing.

Like, this has to be good and you have to be the best.

And this person's doing this, and why aren't you doing it this way?

And I read this post and I was like, oh, right.

You know what feels really great is when I'm just sitting here making myself giggle as I write.

And I know maybe nobody will ever see this or maybe this won't make it to the final product, but doing it in a way that is joyful for me and removing the kind of.

Or trying to.

This is not a perfect practice, but trying to kind of lighten up the pressure I put on myself and just try to inject a little bit more, like, playfulness and fun is like, that is a really helpful reminder.

But when I'm in like a flow state and I'm not someone who is in like a flow writing state for like 11 hours, sometimes it's just like I did.

I got 20 minutes where I was like, ooh, this is.

I'm really.

It's happening and then it stops.

It's almost like.

It's almost euphoric, though, when you.

When you click that moment where.

And I think it's not, oh, this is amazing.

Everybody's going to think it's amazing.

I think it's euphoric because it's joyful for me.

Like, I'm feeling joyful in the moment.

And so.

And that is an important distinction that I need to make for myself because I put a lot of pressure on myself and a lot of kind of internalized expectations of, you know, that are coming from external sources that I think I create a little bit, you know.

Yeah.

I mean, there's that kind of Asia old procrastination, whether we've got ADHD or not, it's obviously a lot more intense.

Do you have moments or days, weeks, months where you just have complete procrastination or block where you just think, I cannot even go near that.

And then other times where it's just like hyper focus central and it's just word vomit?

Yes, I have that all the time.

And.

And then I.

And again, like, the second step for me is always then kind of this negative voice of like, oh, why are you like this?

You know, and so that is kind of my.

What I'm in the process of really kind of working on not fixing, but just like acknowledging when I'm doing that to myself.

Because, yes, there are some times where it's like, I cannot.

It's not even procrastination.

It's like, if I look at this, I'm gonna.

I feel like I'm gonna just have to like, walk into a wall.

Like, I just.

It doesn't.

It is so painful sometimes to have to do something.

And then.

And then I think often then I.

You know, then the shame of procrastinating adds on a whole other layer of, like, painful.

Like, why can't you just pick this up and keep working on it?

So I think really understanding that maybe procrastination for many of us is a need for a break.

Like, we need the rest.

You need to let something sit.

It's kind of like when you.

But that when you let it rise overnight.

Like, so much of the work of making bread is letting something sit.

And that's very hard for me.

You can probably tell, like, I'm very.

I'm always kind of in this, like, hyper excited a little bit.

Like, I'm always excited to do stuff.

So it's hard for me to let things sit.

But I do think that that can really.

That is a valuable part of honoring ourselves and our needs.

And it's.

And procrastination isn't necessarily a negative.

Yeah.

Have you found that medication has helped?

Have you tried it?

Do you write with it?

The first time I tried.

I've tried a bunch of medications for people with adhd, and the one that kind of has worked best for me is an extended release, Ritalin.

I've tried Focalin.

I've tried Concerta as well.

This is kind of where I've landed for now.

But the first time I used Ritalin through my doctor, and it was just the tiniest amount of a short release.

I described it as like putting noise canceling headphones on my brain.

It was such an amazing feeling where I was like, I didn't feel like it changed me or who I was.

It just kind of like softened the chaos and allowed me to kind of just focus in a little bit more.

It just kind of allowed my brain to quiet.

And I think that has been something that I didn't fully understand.

Was like, there's always a lot going on in my brain, you know, whether it's like a song that I'm hyper fixated on that I cannot get out of my head or different trains of thought or ideas.

There's always a lot happening.

Trying to remember everything and hold everything.

So I have personally found medication to be like life, to be life changing.

Yeah.

And I think what you've just articulated then is a perfect example of why we're so much more prone to burnout.

Because even if it looks like everything's kind of like serene on the outside, that constant dial of noise that's there and won't quieten down until medication comes in is a reason why we're just so chronically exhausted and we can't have a conversation and we can't focus on anything else.

And one small thing tips us over the edge.

And it's just a.

It's a recognition that of, like, if someone's saying, why is it that I'm like this?

Because of the way you just articulated it.

And it's amazing to hear that you have found a medication that helps you do what you do brilliantly.

And I always say it's never like you think of medication as like a scaffolding or a crutch or a way for you to be able to get from A to B and do it without really debilitating yourself in the process.

Some people can do what they do without medication, but they have to then take other kind of lifestyle, I guess, remedies, whatever that is, whether it's yoga, lots of meditation, walking, time in nature, grounding.

And it is finding what works for you.

And I think it will change and evolve.

And maybe if you didn't write a book for six months, you might say, right, you know what?

I'm not going to take medication every day.

I might just take it when I need it.

Yes.

Yeah.

This is something I talked to my doctor about.

Yes.

And I also think that, you know, I don't know, like, enough about the medical side of the medication, but just like that, your body can build up tolerance.

So, like, giving yourself some breaks from it has been.

That's been very helpful for me.

Like, if I go on vacation or if I'm in something that I just know it's a lower kind of stress situation and I might not need it as much.

That has been very helpful.

But I found, like, even, like, it's very hard for me when, like, there's music playing and my kids talking to me and my husband's like, do this thing.

And I can't keep that straight.

And then my immediate reaction is like, frustration and irritation.

And I think even just medication has helped me been able to, like, slow down and Be like I can't and just communicate more effectively what I need in a situation of like I can't process everybody talking at the same time.

So I need to just hear one person figure that out and then talk.

You know, it just gives me like a beat of almost patience or something.

That really helps because I find I get very overwhelmed like sense with sensory overwhelm and my.

I tend to like snap a little bit.

You know, I get irritated and frustrated.

Totally.

Yeah.

I mean this is again like classic.

We, you know, we hear this, you know, tolerance levels are low.

It's that bandwidth.

And if you think about if we're constantly living with a radio dialed up and we're having to overhear conversations and operate with this kind of constant loud noise.

It's like, you know when you say some people have to turn the radio off when they're reversing the car so they can just kind of like yes.

That's so validating.

I have to have like complete silence to do certain things.

And then other times I need.

I can only work in coffee shops when I'm writing.

Like, you know, it's so funny how that changes.

Oh, that's so.

See that's something I didn't, that didn't fully click for me until you said that I have to be quiet in reverse.

I love that so much.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

I was going to ask, as we kind of bring this to a close, do you have any words of wisdom for anyone that's listening that does have this desire, a burning desire to be an author?

Whether it's, you know, fictional kids novel, self help book, like where, where do you start?

Where would you tell people to begin if they're then you to all of this?

Sure.

Well, I think especially if you are listening to this and you are neurodivergent or experience neurodivergence that you don't let that, that you don't talk yourself out of thinking you can do something like write a book.

Because I know personally I find large tasks very overwhelming because of the amount of steps.

And writing a book is extremely daunting or it can seem very daunting.

But I would encourage people to think of the things that they think might, may be a hindrance are actually like your can be your tools and your toolkit for getting it done.

For me, writing a book, I have to, you know, I don't know.

I'm trying to think if I have like good advice, but I think it's more for me breaking it down.

Like breaking the process down into really small chunks and remembering that that's okay and that it will get somewhere.

But also, I tend to think, and I don't know if it's just me, but, like, I often will talk myself out of it, out of an idea or like, everybody's done this or that.

We don't need another book about X, Y, Z.

And I really feel strongly that, like, every voice needs to be heard and included.

And your idea is not redundant.

It's.

You are bringing a unique perspective to something.

And do not let any of those voices stop you from nurturing and, like, feeding that creative desire, because we tamp that down a lot.

And I really do think, like, your unique voice is needed in whatever endeavor or whatever topic you want to.

You're called to write about or focus on.

So you just have to carve your own path.

Like, for me, I don't write every.

Some authors write every day and that's the advice they give people.

I don't.

I don't write every day.

It's like physically impossible for me.

Some days I can't because of my work schedule or my kids or, you know, So I think it's kind of honoring that.

Your way, your path, your way of getting it done.

As long as you get to where you want the end goal to be, like, good for you.

That is.

That's great.

That's your.

That is your process.

And it's valid even if it doesn't look like anybody else's.

Amazing.

I love that.

And tell, tell everybody, like, about your latest book.

What's it about?

Is it out now?

Can we buy it on Amazon?

It is out now.

Give us a brief kind of description.

Also available in the uk.

So with a very cute cover, which is very exciting for me, which, it's fun in different markets.

Sometimes your books get different covers and that's always really cute.

One last summer is a, you know, it's a second chance romance.

But I also have kind of been describing it as a second, kind of just a second chance book.

A second chance at self love, at understanding yourself, at friendship, at kind of rediscovering who you are and what makes you tick.

And then, of course, rediscovering your childhood crush who you then have an adult romance with.

But it's about a woman named Clara who is, you know, kind of trying to follow the right path in her life, doing what she's always thought she was supposed to do to get ahead.

And that stops working for her.

She's extremely burnt out and takes a week off and goes back to her childhood summer camp, where she made some of the best friendships and best memories and was kind of the most authentic version of herself as a younger person and rediscovers who she is through that experience and kind of is left wondering, like, what is, what do I want from life?

Is it this career that I've been working my butt off for for the last 10 years?

Is it this company?

Is it, Is it these friendships?

Is it this romance?

How can I honor what I need?

I'm like, you've sold it to me.

I'm thinking, and that's coming with me on holiday this summer.

So it is.

I love.

One of my greatest joys is writing, you know, kind of comfort reads.

And so I love anytime anyone's like, oh, that sounds like a relaxing book to read.

I feel very honored.

It's.

I love when people take a book I write on vacation.

Yes.

And it does have some fun, steamy romance to it, because that's one of my favorite things to read and write.

So.

Sounds perfect.

It is a good, relaxed holiday read.

It really does.

It ticks.

Holiday read.

Yes, please take me, take me, Take me with you on holiday.

Take my book with you on holiday.

Yeah.

And also I love a read where you have all those elements, but you also have something that kind of, kind of, you know, makes you think and makes you want to make change and just makes you kind of think about life in a bit more of a philosophical way and what works for us.

And I think maybe when you in your 40s, like we are, we are in this period of our life where we look back and think, oh, I have all the good old days gone and what have we got to, you know, to look forward to?

And it's kind of getting old and, and all of that.

And so I want to flip that script in my head and I just want to think that the next chapters, the next decades are going to be like the best, most exciting, most fulfilling decades, I hope, with full of health and happiness and prosperity and love and all those things around me.

So I'm kind of like honing in on that.

So I will be taking your book and I'll be sharing it with my followers.

And it's been an absolute pleasure, really, honestly, I'd love to talking to you.

It's nice to meet another Kate as well.

Yes, always.

Thank you so much.

This has been so lovely to get to talk about, talk about these things with you.

It's.

I love hearing your insight and wisdom.

It's so comforting and validating.

Oh well, thank you very much and hopefully we'll speak very soon.

I really hope you enjoyed enjoyed this week's episode.

If you did and it resonated with you, I would absolutely love it if you could share on your platforms or maybe leave a review and a rating wherever you listen to your podcasts.

And please do check out my website, ADHD womenswellbeing.co.uk for lots of free resources and paid for workshops.

I'm uploading new things all the time and I would absolutely love to see you there.

Take care and see you for the next episode.