Our discussion centers on the critical importance of effective communication in both personal and professional contexts. We delve into the nuances of verbal and non-verbal communication, examining how these elements can significantly influence interpersonal relationships. By exploring various strategies to enhance our communicative abilities, we aim to provide listeners with practical tools that can lead to more productive interactions. Furthermore, we consider the impact of cultural differences on communication styles, emphasizing the necessity for adaptability in a diverse world. Ultimately, our objective is to foster a deeper understanding of the art of communication, thereby empowering individuals to express themselves with clarity and confidence. The dialogue presented within the podcast encapsulates a profound exploration of contemporary societal challenges and the human experience, delving into the intricate dynamics that govern our interactions and perceptions. The speakers engage in a meticulous examination of the prevailing notions of identity, emphasizing the multifaceted nature of self-perception in an increasingly interconnected world. By critically analyzing the influence of digital platforms on personal narratives, the discussion illuminates how these technologies shape and sometimes distort our understanding of authenticity. The nuanced exchange highlights the dichotomy between the curated personas we present online and our genuine selves, prompting listeners to reflect on their own identities in the context of societal expectations and digital representations.

This is Adam Marburger.

And this is Humans that build real conversations with real people.

Not just about what they've built in the world, but what had to be built inside them first.

No hype, no shortcuts.

Just humans doing the work.

Humans that build.

Real people.

Real work.

Welcome to another episode of Humans that Build.

This show is designed to share stories of people making an impact so you can go out and make a greater impact in your life as well.

Today I've got a very special guest, a guy that I've known a long time.

As a matter of fact, I was just recently on his podcast and I said this conversation with was so awesome.

Can we continue it on my podcast?

And he gratefully, graciously, I'm sorry, said yes.

So welcome to Humans that Build.

Bart Nolenberger.

How are you, sir?

Adam Marburger.

Thanks, buddy.

We got a good law firm, man.

Nolenberger, Nolenberger, Marburger and Marburger.

I like it.

So, you know, you're a speaker, an author.

You know, you're big into leadership.

You're all over the place.

You're in the automotive industry, you're doing speaking, you're doing coaching, you're doing all the things.

Let me ask you, when you were like 10 years old, did you know then you were going to be an entrepreneur?

How did you kind of lead into to this business world that you're in?

You know, when I was a kid, I don't think I had enough vision to have a vision.

So I do believe I always thought I'd play basketball, but I sucked.

Right.

I always thought I'd play baseball.

I wasn't very good.

So other than those two things, right.

So I was.

I was a dreamer as a kid.

I always wanted bigger and better.

And we came from a.

You know, I talk about my story as being, you know, some people start in a straight line and they all start the same place.

And then there's people that have had adversity and they go back a step, and people that have had more adversity go back a step.

So some people just have a greener grass to follow.

Right.

Mine was pretty darn green, except my dad was an alcoholic.

My mom was a model.

They were.

They were enablers and they didn't really hold me accountable.

And that kind of set the stage for my young adulthood, unfortunately.

Love them.

I think there was love in the house.

I think my mom really grow up.

Bart, where did you grow up?

Toledo.

Toledo, Ohio.

Yeah.

So, you know, my dad was a car dealer and my mom Ended up being one later when he died.

So it.

The entrepreneur.

My grandfather started the dealership.

He was an amazing soul.

He's the reason I'm here right now.

And he loved being an entrepreneur, always was.

Was a farmer, landowner, dealership owner.

Revolutionary back then in terms of starting new things.

So I've got that in my blood.

My mom took over the family business.

I probably told you at 59, when my dad died and she had three franchise, three rooftops before she passed away in 97.

So she's my hero.

Yeah.

Did you have a favorite store?

Did you play favorites with any of the dealerships?

Like, was there one that was your favorite?

You mean when I was training in my.

Yeah, when you were younger.

Yeah.

Like when you were younger, did you, like, did you.

Was there a store you favored over the other?

Like, was it.

Was there a specific brand that stuck out the most?

Oh, Toyota for sure.

Yeah, man.

I grew up in Ohio.

My dad was a Ford dealer, like I said.

But I left, I left Ohio, moved to California and I just offline, I told you about my first general sales manager at that store, a guy named Russ Engebretson, a partying dude, but he was fantastic as a sales manager.

He was just great energy, brilliant, great memory, passionate, but Stevens, great.

Toyota in San Jose, California, was a store that I started really understanding what volume was and how to sell a lot of cars at a high level.

And the.

I think there was 60,000 cars that drove by that street every day.

Wow.

Yeah, that's traffic.

The up bus showed up there, you.

Know, it really did.

I remember there's.

Because I learned back I sold cars in Ohio for a while too.

I was going to college and I had success.

But I remember getting to California and seeing all these people.

And there's a guy that I met named Joe Garcia and I would hang out with him on the point and he'd go up to people and say, welcome to Stevens Creek Toyota.

You ready to buy today?

And I started doing that and all of a sudden my numbers went whoop.

It didn't work for me.

Right.

Because I was used to the process and doing it.

The 12.

Doing the 12 steps.

Yeah, Joe, man, if they weren't ready to buy today, he'd launch them and go get another one.

My biggest pet peeve is.

And I've actually, we're going to talk.

We're going a lot of different directions.

Unless I'm really looking forward to.

To this talk with you.

I. I love chat with you, Bart.

But like Fridays and Saturdays, you have people everywhere, you know, and you're trained to overcome the objection, just looking, right?

You know, mine was, hey, if you're looking to look, let me know.

If you're looking to buy, I'm out of Marburger, I'm right over here.

So you, you know, what a wonderful industry.

But before we go, we'll talk a little automotive.

Explain to the listeners and the viewers what are you doing right now?

What is your, what is your company?

Just share a little bit information about what you're currently doing, please.

Well, I've got two segments of it.

One is called Bart Nolenberger coaching, which is pretty obvious what that is.

And that is a lot of one on one coaching that I do with folks in all businesses actually.

But I've really gotten a heart for those middle managers, man, that are in dealerships that just have never had any leadership training.

And my question I always ask entrepreneurs that own dealerships is who's training your leaders?

Right?

And most of the time there isn't.

So I made that my wheelhouse, my focus.

I did sales training for a long time and it kind of changed to Covid.

When Covid hit, I said, no, I've been with Maxwell.

I've been with Maxwell when Covid hit for about, about 10 years.

And I thought, I'm going to take those Maxwell principles of leadership and apply them.

I had learned them all, but I was still doing sales training.

And then when that happened, I thought, no, I'm going to reframe myself differently.

If somebody asked me to sales train, I will.

But I'm not going after sales training anymore.

I want to go after training leaders, managers, how to be good leaders.

But Adam, not just in the workplace, but also at home.

And that's when frankly, my career took off.

And it changed everything for me and for them, I hope.

Yeah, I love that approach.

John Maxwell, I mean, in my personal opinion, he's the godfather of leadership.

I love him dearly.

He's the real deal.

What led you to his curriculum?

Where were you?

What was it that led you to that decided to be a certified coach?

I was a general sales manager at Fremont Ford in Fremont, California.

And my gm, his name was Smitty.

And I will share this with you when I get it from you.

Loved Maxwell.

So we'd study Maxwell every morning and he had a group of managers that were pulling on the same rope.

And I started studying it and I started reading all of his books and all of his materials.

I was at Hansel Ford in Petaluma, California, sitting down with Justin Hansell, one of the owners.

And I said, what are you doing this weekend?

He said, I'm going to Texas.

I said, what are you doing there?

I was nosy.

He said, I'm going to go hang out with Carl Sewell and John Maxwell.

And I said, no kidding?

Can I go?

He said, no.

So I.

But he did say he's got a training company where he'll train people to train leaders.

Next morning I'm on the phone that day I joined.

Four months later I'm in Florida getting certified.

And that was the start of really taking it in another direction.

Today I do mastermind groups, which most people know what a mastermind is.

But It's a group 12 week coaching program that's intensive with managers as a group and also one on ones.

So I'm really focused on them growing in their own pace.

But also have a group curriculum so they all work together.

It's.

It's fun.

You said, you said something a few minutes ago talking to dealers about who's training your executive leaders or your leaders.

Why?

Why do you think there's a lack of commitment from business owners, not just dealers or just business owners.

I see maybe I'm wrong.

So you talk.

I've been wrong once or twice.

But I see a lack of business owners investing in their own human capital.

That's the best investment you can make in people.

So why do you think that lack.

Maybe that lack's not there.

Are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing A and B?

Why do you think it is?

Yeah, that's a great question.

You know, I'm a great coach.

I've learned how to be a great coach through John Maxwell and his team.

So when I get a question like that, I throw it back.

I know you want me to answer it, but I'm gonna throw it back to you.

Why do you think it is?

I think it's.

I think people are apprehensive to change.

I think people get so stuck in the mundane.

I think people get stuck in the day to day and the average will yield.

Average mindset.

That's what I think it is.

I just think people are apprehensive to make decisions and make any type of change at all.

Yeah.

You know, I was listening to Clubhouse this morning, Adam, and they were going around and I think Alex had asked What's a good gsm?

And a guy said, a guy who manages and drives sales.

Not a bad answer.

That's a good answer.

Right.

But I think it's wrong because I believe, and I believe this because I've been brainwashed in Maxwell.

I believe in the five levels of leadership.

Number one is position.

You're the boss, I'm the boss.

That's the way it is.

They don't deserve leadership, anybody to follow them, but they, they demand it.

A level two is permission.

We've got a relationship.

Because we have a relationship, you'll follow me as a leader.

Level three is production.

That's our business.

Right.

In automotive, you and I have that automatic automotive background.

It's.

We get stuff done.

And a level three leader can be lousy.

You get along with people, but they still get stuff done.

And they might have a really fat ass.

Can I say that on your show?

Because they never get up off the desk.

And again, if that's you, please.

I'm just having fun.

Right.

Not you, but I mean the audience.

Right.

I know it's not you.

I would say £12.

So I'm just kidding.

So.

But a good, a great leader is a two and a three, right?

Yeah.

You know, I build relationships and I get stuff done, but that's not the best.

If somebody asked me, what's it, what's that?

And I could have jumped on there, but I wanted to listen.

If.

What's a great gsm?

A great GSM develops people.

Because if we can develop people, develop them internally in terms of the business, develop them as men or women, help them be.

Help them in every area of their life.

Faith, family, fitness, fun, finances.

Every area.

Now we're a leader that not just has.

We're a leader that leaves a legacy.

That's when profit.

We're.

We're a leader that builds culture.

That's when profits explode.

Yeah.

We drive sales, but we can't drive sales that we're not developing our people.

Right?

Yeah.

So it seems to me, it's like for me, it's common sense.

Like hopefully my.

The reason why I'm going down this rabbit hole with you because hopefully somebody that's listening or watching this in the future owns a business.

They need to understand the most important investment they'll ever make.

It's not in their 401.

Okay.

It's in their people that are running their organization.

Yeah.

We just have to get out of our own way.

Like for me, my example, just even a descent dealer services.

You know, I inspire and Empower everyone on my team.

You know, no one's even the B word.

You can't call me boss.

I'm not boss.

We're a family.

Yeah.

It's about culture.

It's about family.

It's about being there.

And there's also tough love and accountability that resides.

I just.

I think that every business owner should take a look at their organization just a little bit differently, truthfully.

They want to grow and scale it, you know?

Yeah.

And I think in this world of AI, which we know is going to change so many ways that we all do business, I think the missing piece in that is we're going to have a lot of functions that are going to be done through robots going forward, but still, the peace is people.

And, you know, it's one thing.

Bob Buford wrote a book called Halftime, and in the first half of his life, super successful, owned a lot of radio stations.

Then he lost a son.

And in that moment, he's probably about 45, 6 at the time, he realized that everything about success meant nothing anymore.

So from what he learned from that, though, is how can I add significance?

How can I give back?

Because I just heard Tim Tebow say it a little bit ago.

It's one thing to have a inheritance, give people money.

It's another thing to leave a legacy that changes their lives, really changes their lives.

And I believe I'm in a season.

I'm a lot older than you are, but I've had 10 years in a certain season, married to the woman of my dreams.

And I'm believing that when I get to heaven, she'll be with me.

But the Bible doesn't necessarily say that.

So this season is exactly the time with her is so important.

And together, Adam, we've actually started a ministry called Celebrate Recovery at our church.

And we got 200 people almost there every week.

But we're leaving a legacy.

We're making a difference.

It doesn't pay monetarily, but those are our people, man.

Right.

And we know that.

And Mary's path and my path were totally different.

She's a rule follower.

I was a rule breaker.

I was a drug addict.

She didn't drink anything, but she came along next to me.

And in that journey, to people that just love what they're doing and serving people.

I take what I've learned in that ministry, Adam, and I bring it to the car business.

Serve your people.

Grow your people.

When you get home, no matter what your profit margin is, your roi, at the end of the day, it'll show up It'll show up.

Don't worry.

But do the people first.

Watch them grow.

And watch your business grow.

Right?

I love that.

Absolutely.

You're very vocal about your recovery.

How many years sober are you now, sir?

Just don't call me sir, man.

I'm not.

Dude, come on.

I got a big birthday coming this year, so I'm really sensitive.

I'm not telling you what it is, but I would lie to if you asked me.

Okay, okay.

41 Years of sobriety coming up in.

In June 15th, and I. I walked into a rehab.

20.

I'll tell you what, you can do the math.

You can figure out old.

I am.

I was 28 years old.

I weighed 150 pounds.

I was, I wrecked five cars in high school.

I worked as a finance manager as a, at a car dealership, and I was doing lines at work.

My boss caught me.

I got fired.

Next day, I entered a rehab.

And when I entered that rehab at 28, I.

Two weeks in, they said, you'll never make it.

And I wanted to punch that guy in the mouth that told me that.

Two weeks after that, I graduated and I never.

I'm a rarity, man.

I get it.

But I never drank and used again.

I flipped addictions.

I had other stuff.

I had insecurity, low self esteem, women.

I had other stuff.

But today I've got freedom from all of that.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

Your story's incredible.

You know, I love hearing stories and celebrating stories like that.

I mean, 41 years, and you're using those principles along the way into your business.

And look at all the lives you're.

You're impacting today, you know, because of some of your setbacks.

Right?

I mean, you're helping people based on your experience.

You know, I, you know, I talk about entrepreneurship a lot on this show, and it's not all unicorns and rainbows.

It's not all unicorns and rainbows.

And what we do, you know, we have a business where we, you know, solicit, you know, car dealers or certain business owners to partake in our services.

But it gets lonely over here on the vendor side sometimes, right?

I mean, you know, when you're in the car business, you got individuals showing up to the store, you know, wanting to purchase, you know, where we have to go out and, you know, we have to go out and hunt.

Right.

So what, what were some of your favorite setbacks?

I like to talk about setbacks because it's important to celebrate them and really learn from them.

When you started your consultant company.

What were a few of your favorite little setbacks or things that you learned that you can share with some of the up and comers in this world of entrepreneurship?

Well, I would tell you, and it kind of goes back to what I said a few minutes ago.

I've kind of restarted a new life.

Ten years ago, I had a wonderful life.

I've been blessed.

I told you about some grace I had from where I was born.

I sabotaged my life.

It was all my fault.

It wasn't.

I was born on the streets.

Nothing like that happened.

I sabotaged it.

God willing, God took me aside from turned me around, and here I am when I met Mary.

Even though I've had a great life up to that.

I've got four incredible kids.

They're all adults.

They're my best friends.

Incredible people.

Between Mary and I, we have a blended family with 15 grandkids, 10 kids.

I mean, it's unbelievable.

My life.

So the journey, my life itself, I can, I'm blown away with.

And I will say that what I learned, and I'm learning an entrepreneur is how do I get the next deal?

How do I nurture?

And you know, I respect you so much as entrepreneur, so I can get a lot more out of you by listening than talking.

But you asked me this question.

It's always, where, where is it?

Where can I serve somebody next?

Where can I.

Whether it's make 50 phone calls a week, whether it's post one more time, whether whatever it is.

If there's one thing that somebody would say, what's the, what's your secret to entrepreneurship?

Which I'm going like this.

You know, you're way up here.

I'm going like this, right?

And I'm going to be doing this until I die on the computer.

I just love what I'm doing.

But what I'm, I've learned is a do what you love, but also be consistent and accountable.

Whatever it is that I tell Bart, whether it's my private life, business life, marketing, be consistent every day, every time, without fail, no exceptions, and be accountable to what I say.

Bart Nolenberger has 41 years of sobriety because I never.

Because I didn't lie to me, because of my sobriety.

I said I wasn't drinking, I didn't drink.

And because of that, I love that part of myself when I don't make my 50 calls a week.

I hold myself to that.

Like, what are you thinking?

I mean, I'll like, talk out loud.

Like, dude, come on.

Holding myself accountable and being consistent what's your thoughts of that?

Well, first of all, that a word is a scary word for a lot of people.

Accountability.

A lot of people don't want to be held accountable.

Well, there's two things.

First of all, it sounded to me like you were really self aware at age 28 when you got let go of your job for partying it up at the dealership.

Right.

So you were self aware to check in.

Right.

Yeah.

And then you use that program to hold you accountable to thrive in life.

Yeah.

So what I really think about it is a. I think accountability is the answer to all of our problems.

Being self aware also is a great trait to possess and a lot of us still haven't possessed it yet.

Yeah.

Being able to look in the mirror and say, you know what?

It ain't that person's fault and it's not that person's fault.

And I guarantee you, Bart, you know, a lot of people, there's still people that I'm around at times that are that person's fault.

It's that person's fault.

Woe is me.

That stuff drives me nuts.

I think we as humans should take accountability for everything.

The good, the bad.

Unless you're a leader.

If you're a leader, it's the team that gets the glory.

When we win and when we fall short, it is on us.

I believe that.

So if you really want me to piggyback, you asked me what I think about it.

I think it's everything.

I think accountability.

You cannot run an organization.

You can't raise a household, you can't live up to your standards without a having somebody hold you accountable, too.

I hire a coach.

I know.

I feel Delgado is the best coach in the world.

Without the Elgato, I wouldn't be where I'm today.

I'm going to debate that because.

Yeah.

People that I'm connected to in this mastermind.

Yeah.

We hold each other accountable.

Yeah.

So let me ask you this.

Let me flip the script.

Why are, why are grown adults afraid of accountability?

You know, you've seen it in stores, Right.

Let me just.

Let me.

Let me give you this rant.

I want you to take it.

I've been in lots of dealerships serving lots of stores, and you go into a new store, that is challenged.

I'm not used to.

I'm not allowed.

Donnell doesn't like me to use the word struggling.

You go into a store that's challenged, you identify why it's challenged.

You come up with a process, systems coaching and accountability.

And then everybody freaks Out.

Grown adults are like, no, I don't want.

Oh, my gosh, I got somebody looking at me.

Oh, my God.

We're going to try something new.

That drives me.

I'm going to curse now, Bart.

That drives me batshit crazy then.

I don't.

I try not to curse.

That drives me nuts.

Why do you think grown men and women, grown adults are so apprehensive to change?

Why are people so afraid to be held accountable?

You're the leadership coach, not me.

I'm a car salesman that had a little luck.

You're giving me some praise a minute ago.

I'm a car salesman that fell into a little.

Some great opportunities in business.

But you're a certified coach, so you're the one qualified to answer that question, not me.

You know, the key to, for one thing, key to a good coach is to be curious, not judgmental, right?

So when you ask that question, it means I have to ask that question.

But I look back and say, and I think, you know, there's a couple things.

For one thing, I'm really big on.

You are what you think, right?

You've read Think and Go Rich.

So have I. I've studied it.

You have, too.

But we are what we think.

And, and there is a piece, there's a big piece of this because I deal with addicts and I deal with car sales managers, right?

And I don't know if there's a ton of difference, but I will say that, you know, somebody comes in and says, hey, man, I really want to quit drinking.

Hey, man, I want to be a great manager.

And then they don't hold true to what they say.

It's because their why, of course, isn't big enough.

The reason I got sober is Tiffany Danielle Nolenberger, my daughter.

And when I had a why, I was going to do that no matter what, right?

If there's.

I'm going to go, thank you.

Here's the rabbit hole.

I wrote a book called Keep the Change.

And I wrote the book.

I don't even know why I wrote it.

It was just God said, write it, right?

So for about a year and a half, I took a year and a half off and I wrote this book, the 12 Steps of Recovery in a Leadership Book.

And if you think about it, if you've ever looked at the 12 steps, Google them.

They're all leadership lessons, man.

So let's go back to number one.

You mentioned self awareness.

Number one, admit now in recovery, it's I admit I'm powerless over blank and my life has Become unmanageable.

Okay, admit I'm powerless over my disciplines and my life has become unmanageable.

I'm powerless over my salespeople and my life is whatever it is.

When you and I admit we get out of that, that river in Egypt called denial, we've got to get out of denial.

You mentioned self awareness.

That's huge.

So number one, admit.

So I'm going to answer the question, but I think it's important to look at these first three steps because I work the first three steps every day of my life.

Number two, believe.

Came to believe that a power that myself could restore us to sanity.

I was 10 years sober when I found out that power, that myself was Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

Today I'm obedient and available to whatever Jesus tells me.

Now that's.

But even if somebody's not a believer, if you're, if you're not, if you don't believe in something, you'll fall for anything.

So you got to believe something.

When I was a kid, I didn't believe anything.

If you said it, Adam, it was true.

If Billy Bob said it, it was true.

Because I wanted to conform.

I was a codependent one.

Everybody loved me.

Number three, made a decision to turn our will and our life over to God.

But let's look at that as a human being and.

Or a leader made a decision that I was going to do everything I can to be the person I want to be.

But if we go back and say, what is that mean?

It means you've got to know your why.

If a human being knows why they want what they want and they're reminded of that, that the accountability starts there.

What do you want?

I want this.

Why?

Because of this.

Why else?

Because of this.

Why else?

Why else?

Why else?

Why else?

And then they go get an AA in celebrate recovery, they go get a sponsor in the world of business, they go get a coach.

And that coach holds them accountable for getting there.

None of us can do this on our own.

And I know for the strong high Ds in the room, they say, yes, we can.

You didn't become a black belt on your own.

You didn't build three, four businesses that are multi million dollar businesses on your own.

You had Delgado.

People have me.

I have Marshall Goldsmith, I have John Maxwell.

So the reality is we couldn't do it on our own because we will fade now back to the subconscious.

I so many times I had a sales manager this morning tell me I'm a bozo and I said, Stop.

You're never going to say that in front of me again.

It's not allowed.

Text me his address.

I'll show.

And you know it's not.

And he struggles because of self esteem.

And 90% of the men on this planet struggle with self esteem.

We just don't want to admit it until we're aware of our that we're loved, until we're aware of our victories.

So let me land this.

There's four questions that I ask every day.

They're so simple.

You've heard it on my podcast.

I say it every week on my podcast.

On my podcast.

Keep the change.

My wife just rolls her eyes when I do it.

I do it every night in bed.

But she, you know, she's right there with me.

Number one, what do you do right today?

What did you do right today?

You know what I did right today?

I hung out with God for an hour and a half.

What did you do right today, Adam?

I woke up at my morning devotions.

I got my morning task complete, and I'm having a wonderful conversation with you.

So I feel like my day is going pretty right.

Number two, what did I learn?

Well, I learned that, and here's something I've learned, and, man, we can go deep with this, but I do these things called culture scorecard reports that I give to business owners, and they do an anonymous 360 on their people.

When I first gave them, I thought, oh, my gosh, they want this information.

It's so good.

And Mary said, Mary, who's so wise?

My wife said, be careful, because some people don't want to hear what you have to say.

And I thought, oh, that's ridiculous.

So what I did is I gave it to our ministry, an anonymous 360 culture scorecard, and had them read me.

Not my wife, me.

And it didn't come back perfect.

And guess what I did?

I got defensive.

You think leaders get defensive?

I got defensive.

And then God said, Give it 24 hours.

Come back to me in 24 hours.

Yeah, and my mama used to always say that.

She said, give, don't react, come back in 24 hours.

I came back in 24 hours, Adam.

And I thought, oh, my gosh, that is true.

Oh, my gosh, that's right.

And that clarity gave me a purpose because I wanted to be the best leader I could be.

So if I was going to be the best leader I could be, I need to admit that I could get defensive, that I wasn't perfect.

I had to believe in a power that might spread Myself to guide me in this, I had to make a decision to change.

The things that people were telling me need to be changed.

What I've seen in businesses with individuals, they don't want to hear it, but once they get that, hey, man, I can get everything I want.

If I do that, that's when life's changed dramatically.

Does that make sense?

Not only did it make sense, that was some of the most fire advice I've ever received on this show ever in life.

And the reality is this.

I'm going to piggyback on it because you had said it earlier,.

There are.

So many levels in life and in business and success, everybody can define it differently.

Success to me is not currency.

We need money to do things and to bless people, make impact and to pay your bills.

Right?

But it's really freedom is what I'm after.

At the end of the day, though, we all have somebody out there.

There's somebody else doing more than us.

There's always another level out there.

And I always, especially, I'm all about the younger generation.

Listen, you made a statement.

You're a little older than me.

I'm on the back half of 40 now, so I'm closer to 50 than 40.

And you may be able to relate to this.

You think when you get over 40, there's a couple things that happen.

Your factory warranty expires on your body, things hurt, your neck.

Everything hurts over 40.

Okay?

And then there's a lot of reflection.

I spent a lot of time in deep thought.

You know, things change when you just get a little bit older.

We become wiser and more humble.

You shared something a minute ago that I can relate to is on the anonymous survey that immediate criticism.

The old me would want to quickly react to that and get my feelings hurt.

But I am now, praise God, I'm in a place where I can receive information.

Because I'm telling you, this is for leaders out there.

Anybody who's a leader of an organization, we need to know the truth.

We need to know what's real.

If we're doing something that's not right or we're affecting somebody wrongly in our organization by our tonality or maybe the words that we use, you know, there's a lot of things that we need to be aware of.

We need to be able to receive information.

But a lot of us, our egos are too dang bad big and we can't get out of our own way.

So my question for you, because I'm going to ask you this question.

How would you Deal with.

Let's just paint a picture.

You're working in xyz, Ford, Chevy, whatever.

You're an xyz.

We'll use Ford.

We got a mutual friend and climb this Mr. Roberts.

We'll use him for an example.

You're in Ford.

John hires a new, say, gsm, gm, and he's running the show.

And this individual is having some issues getting the respect and the buy in from the team because the ego's too big.

How do you.

What's the first approach?

Because I'm using this example real quick because this is a picture that we can paint over in our industry.

Upper management.

None of the stores that I work with, probably none that you work with either, but there are a lot of stores out there where that egomania gets in the way of, of growing people.

How do you deal with somebody like that?

What's the best way to approach somebody that you know is going to be difficult?

Maybe not difficult for you, but on the surface level, difficult to train?

How do you deal with that individual?

You know what?

There's so many.

I want to answer that, but I want to finish what I started.

I'm going to answer it.

Don't let me, don't let me tell you.

I got all the time in the world.

I can talk to you.

This podcast may be the longest one we ever.

Yeah, I don't talk much.

Number three, there's four questions.

Number one, what I do, right.

What I learned.

Number three, I mean, what did I learn?

Number three, what must.

What must I change?

What must I change?

If a human being doesn't ask that question, they don't become willing.

And you and I, I see it in recovery, I see it in businesses.

If they don't have a want to change, but they're never going to change.

So that being the case.

And the fourth piece, the fourth question.

Number one, what I do?

Right?

Number two, what I learned.

Number three, what must I change?

Tony Robbins.

You're fan of Tony?

Me too.

Tony says if you must do something, you will.

Right.

If you can't, if you say I can't do that, then you must.

You became a black belt because you must.

When you must, you will.

That's what Tony says, right?

Number four, what's my role in this?

You hit on that a while ago.

We have to take responsibility for our stuff.

So how do you get their attention to take responsibility?

Well, great coaches realize coaching is not Bill Belichick.

I've got a whole series, Adam.

It's called leadership in the dealership.

It's 50 videos, three minutes a shot on how to be a great coach, with examples from Goldsmith, Valerie Burton, Simon Sinek, John Maxwell.

And I put this whole automotive series together together so we can train our people how to be coaches.

But if I go into Leroy, who's got a big ego, and I start telling Leroy what to do, I'm not going to get.

I might tell him, because I've been a GSM at good stores, I was really good at it.

I might tell him what to do.

He ain't never going to hear me.

A man or woman.

A man or woman that you give them something against their will is of the same opinion.

Stat.

A man or woman convinced against their will.

In other words, this is the way we do it.

I'm your consultant.

This is the way you do it is of the same opinion.

Still, they won't change.

How do they change?

Great coaches get that when we activate, that's what I am.

I'm an activator.

When I ask questions, it activates in the brain.

So, Leroy, let me ask you a question.

What do you consider the greatest struggle since you've been at Robert's motives?

Well, nobody listens to me.

I get it.

Why do you think that is?

Well, I don't know.

They're stupid.

I get it.

So have you ever felt, Leroy, that maybe there was a different approach?

That if you tried a different approach, it might work?

Oh, yeah.

Why?

Because I'm not stupid.

If it's not working, I'm going to try something new.

Okay.

So if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, what's that called?

Insanity.

Great.

So what you're saying to me is there might be another approach.

Yeah.

What do you think that other approach might be?

Maybe I need to be nicer.

Oh, what would that look like?

Well, maybe I need to get out of the way and not be so egotistical.

Really?

What do you mean by that?

So I'm not saying jack squat.

I'm just asking.

And just like a great salesman, when I hear an answer, I find a trigger to ask a question on again and again and again.

And that's what, Adam, that's what will change the capacity of our managers in our industry by really learning how to be a therapist slash activator and do it consistently and with accountability.

That's when we're going to change behavior.

Why would you okay, that advice, first of all, asking questions, getting into them, letting them tell you everything.

And you know.

But why?

If you think about it too, I don't care if you're at a car dealership or a dentist office, sure, you could be at a warehouse.

It doesn't matter what you.

Why.

Why would you not want to show up to work every single day and have harmony with your fellow man and do life together?

You know, like, there's just.

I.

When you go into places of employment, you see people butting heads in the bickering.

You could feel the energy.

You ever been into a restaurant, you know, where you got people fighting and just.

You could feel the negative energy, Right?

You don't want to be there.

You know, that was really good.

Let me ask you this.

I gotta ask you this as a successful entrepreneur.

When things get, like, tough for you, like when you're just like, having a day, like, man, this.

Day one, Bart Nolenberger, Z0 bad days are real.

We all have them.

What do you do?

What is something that you do that you might be able to share with the listeners and the viewers that kind of helps you through that day?

Well, I do think that those four questions are a big part of it.

And because I do that, then I'm again, we go back to self awareness.

But I have to tell you, man, I wouldn't be here without my Lord Jesus Christ.

I wouldn't at all.

So I have to tell you, I'm a prayer warrior and I talk about all the time.

I have a home office.

I'm here sometimes by myself and my dogs are with me, and my dogs think I'm nuts.

But I'll just say, jesus, I'm stuck.

I need guidance, and I'll stop in that and let him do it.

My favorite scripture is Psalm 139.

Search me, God, and know my heart, because I don't want to do anything that isn't in alignment with him.

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Dude, I get anxious.

I get anxious because in my past I had insecurity.

The reason, by the way, somebody has ego is it's masked.

It's putting up a force field so people don't see their insecurity.

And no man wants to show their insecurity or admit it.

But I go therapy over that, right?

But what I also know now is I love myself.

But back to God.

If I get stuck, I'm gonna pray.

God guide me.

Give me clarity.

I was on the meeting with a client last week, and we're in front of 25 people.

And I love this client.

He's my.

One of my greatest friends.

And we had.

We had a lencioni.

Critical moment where we really had Conflict.

And he just came on strong.

Not against me, but against an opinion.

And we were both right.

We talked about it later.

But he's, like, giving me this firestorm, and I've got 27 pairs of eyes looking at me.

And I just grabbed my grandfather's Bible over here.

Here on the side, and I just started breathing.

Right.

And there's this peace and calm that came over me.

And you know what?

That would have never happened before.

And I give God all the credit for that.

You know, some people might call that weak, but our strength is in the.

The ability to say, God.

You take over God.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, too.

And it's a Life's short.

B.

Are things really worth getting worked up?

One of my favorite Stoic philosophers is the great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.

His meditations are fantastic.

But, you know, just following.

And I'm a Christian as well, the teachings from the Bible and my study of Stoicism is like, you can't control the thing.

You can only control how you react or respond to the thing.

And I'm telling you, I'm a work in progress.

Because, listen, the old me is kind of a hothead me in the mid-30s.

I praise God for him giving me what I have today.

At the time that I have it, I wasn't ready in my early 30s to do what I'm doing today.

I just wasn't prepared for it.

I am today.

Today I'm prepared for it.

I know how to deal with stress and pressure a little bit differently.

Control the controllables, the uncontrollables, pray over them.

I've learned today, and I'm sure you can relate to this, to give grace quickly to individuals.

Sure.

You know, forgiveness.

I'll tell you that.

I just did a sales training last week on grace and forgiveness.

I had somebody.

The reason I gave this is because I had a couple people that work for me that tell me I'm too nice and I forgive people too quickly.

And I had to explain that it was not.

There was a selfish aspect of forgiveness is I can't let things go and get to the next level or continue to have my peace without forgiveness.

I had a guy completely do me wrong recently.

It was about six months ago.

And giving him complete forgiveness and grace and me wishing him well has made my life better.

I still have one of my teammates still mad, like, shaking their head.

They can't get over it, but I can.

Let me ask you a question.

How has forgiveness played a major role in your life?

And how.

Have you seen Grace.

I see people struggle with this, Bart.

I see people struggle with giving grace and just truly forgiving people for those that offended.

How do you see that as a leadership principle and how it can help somebody with really understanding this beautiful gift of forgiveness?

I don't think anybody understands forgiveness unless they can first forgive the person that they're looking in the mirror at every day.

Right?

So especially somebody in our industry.

We see a lot of broken people that what's going on at home is being brought into work.

And it might be masked as a desk man.

That's a desk man sitting at the desk.

And not a desk woman would have been out on the showroom floor greeting customers.

But they've got.

They could be angry, they could be short, they could be direct, all that.

And it's also because of the fact they've got something going on inside, too, that's home them down.

But I have to tell you that I've learned today.

I do forgive myself, but, man, I was a slug.

But that was the past.

I believe that human beings cannot live in the past.

You know, how's it go?

Past is history.

Tomorrow's a mystery.

Today is a gift.

That's why we call it the present.

Being in the now is so important.

And part of that, too, is if I can forgive myself, I can forgive others.

You know, I spent decades not forgiving my dad.

And, you know, being mad at my dad who was dead was like drinking poison and expecting him to die.

He was already dead, right?

It doesn't nurture ourselves.

When I forgive him, it nurtured me, and it made me more healthy.

I love it.

Urban Meyer, the great head coach, former head coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes, said he had a philosophy.

E plus R equals O. E is the event.

We're gonna have millions of people that offend us, that just pee us off, that just cut us off, all of that.

It happens.

We're gonna have.

It doesn't matter if you believe in Buddha or Jesus.

It doesn't matter.

You're gonna have it happen, right?

Doesn't matter if you're the president.

It doesn't matter if you're the president of the local Teamsters or you dig ditches and you're the president of digging ditches.

It doesn't matter.

You're gonna have events.

And it's usually, you know, our spouse says something, it just, you know, throws it all off, right?

R. E plus O equals R. E plus R equals O. R is what it's responses.

You said it already.

And that changes the outcome.

When I learned to forgive my dad.

Write that down.

When I learned to forgive my dad.

Easy events.

R is a response.

O is the outcome.

If I.

When I forgive my dad.

And then my response is, I forgive you, dad.

My outcome to him is I talk to him now most every day in my prayers.

Hey, Daddy.

Love you, buddy.

Yep.

And I spent 30 years in a business that I wasn't fond of because I wanted my dead dad to be impressed with me.

I forgive him.

I love him.

I. I love what I'm doing now.

But I did it for the wrong reasons at first.

And I would say that, you know, think about the person that wins 5 million bucks in the lottery.

Then they go out and blow 4 million, 4.9 million of it, and their outcome is they're broke again.

So it's our responses, and it goes back to what Virginia Rice.

My mama said, give it 24 hours.

And I can't always give it 24, but if I can, I'm a better man.

I might give it 2.4 seconds like that bull name Fu Manchu, but I can't always give it 24.

But the more I give it, the more then I let the holy spirit work in me and have a better response.

Bart, this.

Honestly, this was an awesome conversation.

We're gonna have to do this again.

Maybe we'll just have to take turns.

I'll just come on yours next week.

You come back on mine.

We'll just do this for the next hour.

Let's go.

How do.

How do individuals find you, follow you, potential clients reach out to you?

What's the best way to follow Mr. Barton?

Olberger?

Yeah, I would say that LinkedIn obviously, is a good place to get a hold of me.

I'm going to give you my phone number right now.

You can call me directly.

Just text me first and tell me you're calling me and I'll pick it up.

Also, of course, Facebook, I'm on there.

I've been posting a little bit less, but I'm kind of re cranking it up.

We all know that that sometimes can be redundant, and it's.

But I'm believing and hoping I do it for the right reasons.

I just started a new daily post that takes my book the 12 Steps of Recovery and keep the change book.

And I talk about every day a new step.

Admit.

We talked about Admit today.

What do you have to do to get out of denial.

And we'll talk about that every week.

Posting that on Facebook and probably LinkedIn too.

Also YouTube, of course.

I'm @bartnolenberger.

Bart nolenberger.com that's n o L L e n B e R G e R. So I'm all over that.

And if you feel, hey man, I just want some one on one coaching.

I love doing that.

Love it.

I've got 30 of my due next week.

Love it.

It just drives me.

Juices me.

If you feel your dealership needs group coaching and you want to do that either on a shorter or longer term basis or a one shot, hey man, let's talk.

Let's see how I can do it.

You can go to bartnolenberger.com and my calendar link is in there too.

Well, I can attest, you know, we share some of the same clients.

They rant, rave.

I've seen you on stage, I've met you in person.

You're exactly as advertised.

You're a blessing to me.

It's an honor and privilege to spend this time and I want to thank all of our viewers and all of our listeners.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Humans that Build.

The reason I do this is I just want to share stories from people making an impact.

At the end of the day, it's our responsibility to lend a hand to the younger generation to help them come up.

And that's legacy, my friends.

So have a great day and we'll talk soon.

Thanks, Adam.

Love you, brother.

Love you too.

Humans that build.

Real people, real work.

See you next time.