On this week's episode of the Building Championship Mindsets podcast, Dr. Amber Selking dives deep into the power of identity and its profound impact on performance, particularly in the realm of sports. Dr. Selking shares her journey of navigating an identity crisis after an injury ended her soccer career, emphasizing the importance of understanding who we are beyond our roles and achievements. She highlights the intersection of sport psychology and biblical principles, discussing how a positive and integrated sense of self can enhance mental toughness and resilience. With insights drawn from research and scripture, this episode aims to empower individuals to embrace their true selves and show up confident in all aspects of life.

About Building Championship Mindsets

Welcome to “Building Championship Mindsets. | the Podcast!” From the LockerRoom to the BoardRoom, our purpose is to help individuals, teams, and organizations understand and leverage the power of Mindset and Leadership to drive results and achieve sustainable performance excellence. 

As a leader in the field of sport and performance psychology, Dr. Amber Selking has been fiercely devoted to optimizing human performance in people and systems throughout her entire career.

Dr. Selking is the founder of Selking Performance Group, a leading performance consulting practice that helps individuals, companies, and sports teams achieve sustainable results. She has served as the Mental Performance Coach for professional & collegiate sport programs across the country including the Denver Broncos, LSU Football, ND Softball, and Notre Dame Football during the winningest five years in program history! She is the Chief Culture & Leadership Development Officer for Lippert, a global, publicly traded manufacturing company whose corporate vision is to change the model of work, demonstrating that business can and should Be a Force for Good in our World. She has also served as an adjunct professor in the Mendoza College of Business at Notre Dame. Dr. Selking holds a Ph.D. in Educational and Counseling Psychology from the University of Missouri, a master’s degree in Sport and Performance Psychology from the University of Denver, and an undergraduate degree in Management Consulting from the University of Notre Dame. At ND, Amber played soccer for the Fighting Irish before an injury ended her career, after which she founded Notre Dame Christian Athletes (NDCA) in the ND Athletic Department. She currently resides in South Bend, Indiana, with her husband, Aaron, daughter Elleeanna Belle, and their Doberman Pinscher, Rockne.

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Building Championship Mindsets, the podcast.

This is your host, Dr.

Amber Selging.

Where we are in season 15 entitled Sports Psych and Scripture.

It has been such a blast this season examining the intersections of the science of sports psychology and biblical principles.

And so in today's episode, we're actually going to be looking at the sports psych aspect of identity and then several scriptures that I think are just really, really powerful that I want to share with you as it relates to our identity, not just from a creation standpoint of who we've been made to be, but then also what we continue to become out of the trajectory and course of our lives.

So again, at the stalking performance group, we are all about helping individuals, teams and organizations really understand and tap into the power of mindset, right?

How our brains work to help drive consistent individual high performance excellence and then leadership, how we can really understand the principles of leadership and organizational structure that can help drive consistent performance for an entire group of people, right?

So mindset and leadership, individuals and the whole system.

And we do that through one on one performance coaching.

We've got a team of performance coaches that if you are interested in that, please reach out to me directly.

Dr.

Selkinelkenperformance.com and then through keynotes to organizations that we address almost every industry.

I mean, we've, we've done stuff with the Tree Care association of America to Jan Marini, Skin Research to several different financial companies and everything in between.

So you can kind of see the breadth of industry that this applies to because guess what makes up every industry, people and all over the world looking to apply this stuff.

And so again, reach out directly if you're interested in either of those from an application standpoint or if you'd like to join us as a financial partner from a sponsorship.

Again, doctors elking@selkienperformance.com so with that, let's dive in to the topic of identity.

Now, identity is something near and dear to my heart from a sports psych standpoint because quite frankly, that's what got me into this field.

You know, I lost my soccer career as a soccer player at the University of Notre Dame and lost that career due to injury and went through an identity crisis.

If I'm not Amber the soccer player, who am I?

And listen, as I wrestled through that, it became clear to me, like, man, I've got a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I've got a family at home that loves me and I'm at the University of Notre Dame like Big picture, I think I'm going to be okay.

But I was still devastated.

And then I thought to myself, what about those people that have none of that?

And really, athletics is what makes up their entire life and sense of identity and being then what?

And so I wrestled with that question during undergrad and led Notre Dame Christian athletes, helping.

Helping people understand who they are under the jersey through the lens of faith, and then went and worked in corporate America.

And while there, that's when I stumbled on the field of sports psych.

And I realized that, wow, you know, you can have conversations about identity with people through the lens of scripture and in the Bible, but sometimes that can be a limiting conversation because not everyone's ready for that dialogue, Right?

And I respect and appreciate that probably more than most people.

And that's what I really loved about the field of sports psych is I thought, wow, this is a scientific way to help people understand who they are and how to operate at their very best that is applicable.

And hopefully anyone in the world from any religion or any background might be open to having these conversations, because I could see where everything in science was also in the Bible.

But.

But some people aren't ready for that conversation.

So again, I thought, sports psych, man.

This holds the keys to help us understand how we can help people transform their lives by understanding their wiring more and then specifically how they can continue to understand who they are from an identity perspective.

And so identity.

There's been a ton of research in psychology and sports psychology around how identity drives high performance, how it can undermine who we are.

In fact, my dissertation was actually on the transition out of the NFL.

So I interviewed former players to look at kind of the mental and emotional experience of the transition.

And a huge part of that is identity, right?

When football was over, who am I, and how do I operate and contribute back to the world in a meaningful way?

And so I've done a lot of reading, a lot of research on the topic of identity in general, and I just firmly believe, if you've listened to former podcasts, you know, that, you know, what I believe leads to high performance excellence is it starts with identity, and then it builds on mindset, and it grows from a leadership, and that's what leads to greatness.

And so, you know, again, who are you under the jersey?

Who are you under the suit and tie?

Who are you under the quarter zip or the hoodie and yoga pants that you wear as a mom?

Right?

Whatever your.

Whatever your daily attire is, or your uniform, quote unquote, are you more than a uniform?

Or do you think that is your identity?

And that's what we.

That's what we try to help athletes and leaders understand, is who are you from the inside out versus the outside in.

Because when we do that, it allows us to navigate the highs and lows with more consistency, with more perseverance, with more peace, with more patience.

Because, again, if my whole identity is being a soccer player and I lose the game, guess what that says to me?

I'm a loser.

Conversely, if I am just a soccer player and I win the game, guess what that says?

I'm a winner.

And then I have to go every day striving to make sure that I remember and everybody else knows that I'm a winner.

And that creates a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety.

And when we can strip that out and we know who we are on the inside, and then put that jersey, that quarter zip, that business suit right on over top of it, and we step into the arena, whatever that arena might be, our home, our work environment, the field, the stadium.

That's.

That is true power.

That's where we start to show up with another level of courage, with another level of confidence, because the outcome isn't going to determine who we are when we walk out of that place.

But, man, are we going to bring our best selves that we have on that day, and then we're going to come at it again the next day.

And so I want to share one specific article with you that I just thought was really interesting, because, you know, I did a lot of research on identity.

I've done a lot of research on mental toughness, done a lot of research on black masculinity in sport.

But this article particularly looked at identity and mental toughness and sort of brought them together.

And what they found is that individuals that they have what they call a positive, integrated sense of self had higher levels of mental toughness than those that did not.

And specifically the opposite of either a negative or a compartmentalized sense of self.

So that's a lot of big words.

Let's break that down.

So to have.

What does it mean to have a positive integrated sense of self.

Let's back up a little bit.

A sense of self, your identity.

Right.

A lot of times our sense of self and our identified identity comes out of the roles that we have.

Right.

So I'm going to use myself as an example for all the different roles I play.

Wife mom, mental performance coach at lsu.

Football chief, culture and leadership development officer at Lippert.

Daughter, sister, friend, human woman, right?

These are all, these are all aspects of my identity or roles, right, that I'm playing in the world.

And so if we think of all of those in their own little boxes, that, that, those, that's my sense of self, if you will.

Now, a positive sense of self.

That means that I generally think that I am good and do good in each of those different roles as a wife, as a mom, as a mental coach, as a leader, all of those different things.

Right now I might have some negative like, hey, I need to grow in these areas.

But in general, in each of those different roles, I feel, man, I'm doing okay at being a wife.

And you know, Eliana is our first sweet baby girl, but I feel like we're doing a good job at least being intentional with how we're raising her into who she's been created and called to be.

As a mental performance coach, I have a general sense that I'm doing good work in these boys lives and in our organization at lsu.

And so that's what it means to have a positive, right sense of self in my role at Lippert, that I feel like I'm bringing value to my team, to our organization, to the over 13,000 team members that we have across our organization, right?

That's a positive sense of self in each of those roles that I play.

Again, I am not perfect by any means, and I have areas of opportunity to grow in.

But in general, right, that's what we're talking about, an individual as a general positive sense of self.

And then the second part of that is positive and integrated.

So what integrated means is each of those different roles.

I'm generally the same person.

I don't think that I have to be a totally different human being when I leave my home as a wife and mom and I show up to lsu, right, I can continue to bring elements of who I am and share with my fellow colleagues, right?

And my young men just about my life outside of that.

I mean, they've met my husband, they know my daughter, right?

Ellie's got a whole team of uncles and cousins and big brothers that get to love on her and take care of her.

And so I can show up, right, and, and, and, and be me and still be a mental coach.

But then guess what?

When I, it's not like when I then go to Lippert, I have to, you know, take my visor off that I wear on the sideline.

Of the football field and I put my Lippert polo on, and now I have to be this serious, stoic, cold business leader, right?

No, I am general.

I have an integrated sense of self.

So I'm.

I am pretty much the same person as a wife, as a mom, as a mental coach, as a leader, right?

And I mentioned all those other.

But for simplicity's sake, I'm not going to go through them, you know, because think about what.

What that would be like if I had to be at home and be one person, go to football and be a totally different person, go to Lipper and be a totally different person.

Think about the stress, the anxiety of, like, well, who am I today?

Right?

Who.

How do I have to be?

Now, I will say that in every role, I have to.

I have to show up a little bit differently, and my communication might be a little bit different, and the types of conversations I have vary, types of training and coaching that I do.

You know, I have to.

I have to be who I need to be in that moment, but it's not different than who I am.

And that's an attribute, one, to my sense of self, but two, because of the teams and the organizations of which I'm a part.

My home team, right?

My team here with Aaron and Eliana, like, I married the right man, and that allows me to be who I am.

And then guess what?

Coach Kelly, as my leader in football, has allowed me to be who I am and bring my whole self to the moment.

And the leaders that I serve at Lippert, Jason, Ryan, Jamie, they want me to be me.

Like, I.

They don't make me shut it off and be a different person.

If they did, I wouldn't be a part of those organizations because I know this stuff to be true, and I know that I can perform at a higher level if I'm able to be my whole self and bring my whole self to all of those different areas.

And so my leaders allow that to happen.

And so, again, what Meg Ditzfeld and Golby tell us is that individuals, that's you, that's me, that's your kids, that's your athletes, that's your students, that's your family, right?

Individuals that have a positive, integrated sense of self have higher levels of mental toughness, meaning that they can show up and do hard things more consistently than those that have a negative or compartmentalized.

So let's break that down.

That would be like, man, I don't think I'm very good in all of those roles that I play or Maybe there's one role that I think I'm good at.

Let's say I think I'm good at being a mental performance coach, but I don't think I'm a very good wife or mom or I'm good in the business space, man.

What does that make us do?

Well, that makes us maybe neglect some of those other roles that could make me, make me go all in on just being a mental coach.

And again, like I said, neglect some of those other roles or it might bring so much stress to my life that I have to try so hard in those other areas that then I underperform in all of them, right?

So that would be a negative sense of self in different aspects of our identity or compartmentalized.

And that's where again, I'm one person at home, one person at football, one person in business, and that's not sustainable for the long haul.

So again, from an identity standpoint, I want us to think about all the different roles or elements of our lives that are important to us because that's.

Now listen, also, a part of identity is not just the roles that we play, right?

It's our makeup, AKA our personalities, our experience, you know, how we've been shaped through the course of our lives, right?

All of those things go into our identity.

But in this exercise, right, Think about all the roles you play and then go through and put, you know, a plus plus if you think you're positive in that role or a plus minus if you're like, I think I'm good most of the time, but I have a lot of self doubt or a lot of uncertainty or a lot of lack of confidence in this role.

And then a negative, negative if you feel like, man, I'm just not, I'm not good at this role in my life.

And then I want you to think, okay, how integrated or compartmentalized is my life right now?

And then really start to challenge yourself.

What would it take to move some of those plus minuses to a plus plus or those minus minuses to a minus plus and then eventually to a plus plus, right?

How do we start to generate a better sense of positive identity in the roles that we play and a positive sense of self?

And then how do we start?

What is the threat thread that weaves all that together?

So again, what is the thread that allows me to show up as a similar person to the different roles?

I'll tell you, it's my energy.

I bring energy to being a wife, to being a mom, to being a mental coach, to being a Leader.

It is my communication, right?

How I, how I organize information and communicate that effectively to people.

Again, very different types of communication.

It's my belief in goodness and greatness, in individuals and in opportunities, that optimism and positive hope and belief that allow me to see moments in each of those different roles similarly.

Right.

So that would be an example of a thread of my identity and kind of who I am at my core that shows up in these different roles.

What's your thread?

What will allow you to bring more integration to your life and the roles that you play, knowing that as you do, your mental toughness will increase.

And so that's some of the science behind identity.

Again, there is a million different ways that you could read about and understand identity from a scientific standpoint.

That was one specifically because I love that article.

You can Google it and find it and read it and it links to something else I love, which is mental toughness.

But let's see, let's see what scripture has to say about identity.

And there's.

I've got four verses here that, that I want to sort of reference.

And the first is again, as it relates to this idea of sort of mental toughness, right?

And as we know who we are, we're.

We're allowed and able to show up with more presence and poise.

The first is it says in Romans 8:11, and I'm going to summarize, but Romans 8, 11, it says that the same power that rose Christ from the dead lives inside of us as believers.

So now this is a prerequisite right to being a believer.

And when I say a believer, I mean a follower of Christ.

And to be a follower of Christ means that you believe that Jesus Christ came to the earth, that he lived life as a man, and that he was crucified when he was 33 years old.

The Bible said that he was crucified for our sins, right?

And that he died on the cross and then three days later, right?

They thought he was dead.

Three days later, he rose from the dead and ascend and then spent 40 more days on the earth and then ascended into heaven.

And it's through his coming to earth, his death and his resurrection going back to heaven, that he's conquered death.

And through that conquering, we as human beings were all born sinners, right?

Not perfect and therefore not able to get to heaven separate from God.

But if we believe that Jesus came and died on the cross for our sins and rose again, and we ask him to come into our hearts and it's not hard, all we have to say is, Jesus, I believe that you came to earth, that you died for my sins, and that you rose again, and I want to spend eternity with you in heaven, that your name becomes written in the book of life and you can go to heaven.

And so when we go through that process, that's what Christians would say, hey, you're a believer, right?

And then in the Bible, it says the same power that rose Christ from the dead, so that same power that rose him from dead, when we accept him as our Savior and he comes into our lives, that same power lives inside of us.

Holy smokes.

Are we operating like that?

First of all, if you're a Christian, have you thought about that lately?

That the same power that rose Christ from the dead lives inside of you?

Are you living like that?

You want to talk about some mental toughness that gets ignited in you?

You want to talk about a thread of identity that weaves through the various roles that you play?

I mean, come on.

To me, this is also the guy.

People think Christianity is soft and fluffy.

If you want to see a badass, watch Jesus's life.

Look how he showed up to the world.

And I know it's kind of dichotomous.

Sorry.

When I get excited sometimes I.

But like.

But that's how man.

Jesus was a warrior.

He was courageous.

He stood up to people who were doing wrong.

He stood on truth that he thought was right.

He fought for people.

I mean, that's not soft, that's not weak.

And the same power that rose him from the dead lives inside of us.

Are we walking around like that as Christians in this world?

And if you're not walking around like that and you want some of that action, get you some Jesus, because then that same power can start to activate inside of you.

It says in Galatians 4, 6, 9.

And I would encourage you to go read this whole thing because it's really interesting.

Again, I'm going to summarize this, but Galatians 4, 6 through 9, again, if you don't have a Bible, Google it.

Your phone can help you get there.

Okay, but Galatians 4, 6, 9 says that as we accept Jesus as our savior, Right, which we just talked about, we're no longer slaves to the world.

And listen, there's people that are living in slavery today, actual slavery.

Some of our brothers and sisters in America, right, not too long ago were literal slaves in our country.

But some of us are just slaves to addictions that we might have to unhealthy, toxic work environments or relationships to really negative unproductive thinking.

We're slaves to ourselves in our mind.

And so as we accept Jesus as our savior, we're no longer slaves, but we're children of God.

And if you are children, then guess what?

You are an heir.

An heir to the throne of eternity.

Because that's what children are.

They're heirs to their parents fortunes, right?

And fortunes could mean very little to a lot.

But we're talking about the fortune of heaven, right?

You become an heir to the throne of eternity as a child of God.

That talk about identity.

Some people that might not have a mom and dad, right?

Or maybe had have a mom and dad that were horrible to them, man.

If you can find that identity in Jesus and become a child of the king, that is power.

That is identity.

I actually had one of my athletes, one of his power statements, right?

He would write on his wrist, I'm a child of the King.

And what that was for him, it was identity.

Yes, he was a football player.

Yes, he played in front of hundreds of thousands and millions of people that were watching him.

Yes, there was a ton of pressure that he had to deal with because if he made it, his family made it.

You want to talk about the importance of 60 minutes every weekend for that young man.

But when he read I'm a child of the King, it put it in context for him.

And he knew, I'm an heir to the throne of eternity and I can, I can ball out right now.

But it's bigger than football.

That is mental toughness.

That is showing up with poise and passion and courage and confidence to a moment despite the outcome.

Because guess what happens if he lost that game?

Well, he lost the game, might have lost an opportunity, but he didn't lose his identity because he was still a child of the king.

And so that's what we're looking at when we're thinking about identity, right.

As a Christian and what scripture tells us about identity.

But like, and then I.

So that's more of like how the article was referencing what identity, a positive, integrated sense of self, can do for us from how we show up standpoint, from a mental toughness standpoint.

But I want to talk, I want to show you two other scriptures that talk about identity from a creation standpoint.

And so I just want to share these two scriptures.

I'm not going to get on a soapbox or I want to push anybody away, but I Want to share two really powerful scriptures that I think are relevant to this conversation of identity and in a hot political topic right now, this conversation around abortion.

So, you know, Psalm 139, 13, 14 said, for you created my inmost being.

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful.

I know that full well.

And so, you know, again, as we think about, you know, is a fetus a person?

Well, it says in the scripture that God created our inmost being and he knit us together in our mother's womb.

So from the very beginning, there's intention there, right?

There's creation there.

You know, you can hear a heartbeat at eight weeks.

And to share from a personal experience, Erin and I have actually gone through two miscarriages.

We had one before Eliana, and we actually recently just had one about a month and a half ago.

And it's crazy because, you know, as you see now, we have Ellie bell, who's.

Who's 18 months old.

And as you see her, man, that second one was almost even harder because I just.

I knew who it could become, you know, and it's.

And that that little bean was knitted in my womb, and it was fearfully and wonderfully made.

And so from that lens, right, to lose a baby, even at seven or eight weeks, is devastating for that regard.

And then I want to talk to some of you that think like you're an accident.

Maybe you think, man, I wish I wouldn't have been born.

You were knitted together in your mother's womb, and you were fearfully and wonderfully made.

And God's works are wonderful.

And if you can understand that from an identity standpoint, man, that will start to shift how you see yourself.

Because I'll be honest, it would be hard to see yourself as a good white or mom or mental coach or business leader or, you know, team member at a business or whatever role you play in this world, if you don't know first and foremost that you are good, that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.

And then in Ephesians 2:10, it says, for we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And that verse, to me talks about purpose, right?

We were all made for a purpose.

You don't make something, then decide what it's going to be used for, right?

You.

You build something to fulfill a purpose, right?

A chair.

What purpose does a chair fulfill?

To sit in, right?

Now, the reality of it is we can get creative with what we use that chair for.

It could be a stool.

We could stand on it.

We could set things on it, right?

Sometimes I'm looking at a chair in my office, and it has become the holder of my backpack and my jacket.

So.

But.

But that is creative, innovative application derived out of its original purpose.

Human beings are no different.

We were created with a purpose.

And that, to me, again, is the fun, curious exploration of being human, is we get to learn, man, what is our purpose?

What were we created for?

Because I am unique, right?

Like, if you stop and check yourself and you look at yourself, you're like, man, I am unique.

I don't know anybody quite like me.

That's because you have a purpose to fulfill.

Just like every chair, every table, every couch, every.

You know, I don't look at my furniture clearly, but every computer screen, every light, every can that holds the sparkling water that I'm drinking right now, man, that was made and created to fulfill a purpose.

If those things were, how much more important are you and understanding and learning, what were the purposes for which you were created?

Because you're God's handiwork, created to do things that were prepared in advance for you to do.

Let's freaking go, man.

That makes me want to turn up and figure out, well, what is it?

Because I want to do all those things.

And then guess what?

As you start to figure out some of the unique aspects of yourself, then as you show up as a wife, as a mom, as a mental coach, as a.

As a business leader, I can show up and fulfill my purpose in those spaces.

And then things that aren't really my purpose.

That's when you get to build a team around you.

You put people around you that complement your gifts and your skill sets and allow you and the organization or team to deliver its best on a more consistent basis.

That is the power of the intersection of sports, psych and scripture.

That is the science of some of our identity.

And that.

That is scripture of identity, both in application in how we show up and creation and intent.

As we start to understand who we've been created to be, then we can start to understand how we show up on another level with the courage, the confidence, and the power that will allow us to deliver our best when it's needed.

Because the world needs it now more than ever.

It needs you.

You.

Who are you created to be?

And then how are you showing up to the roles that you play in your life?

That's your championship mindset, training for this week, I want you to do that.

That role map that we talked about.

Break it out.

What are all the different roles that you play?

Do your plus plus plus minus, minus, minus based on how you perceive yourself to be.

And then start to think about am I integrated?

Do I operate with a thread of consistency of my identity, my creation aspect in all those different roles?

Or am I compartmentalized and is that creating way too much stress and anxiety in my life?

And then start to explore that a little bit more.

Ask yourself some of those questions.

Take some personality assessments.

Right?

We've got in my book Winning the Mental Game, I referenced several different personality assessments that you can take.

Several of them are free online 16 personalities.com look up the enneagram E N N E A G R A M There's several free assessments on the enneagram that you can take the 5Love Languages 5Love Languages.com those are all free assessments that you can look at to help you understand your makeup, who you were fearfully and wonderfully made to be.

And then how do you bring that greatness moment by moment to all the different roles that you play?

Thank you so much for tuning in.

Again, you can find a ton of free resources on our website selkieperformance.com and then follow us on all the social media platform.

We're on X at Champ Mindsets, on Instagram, at Champ Mindsets, on Facebook, at Selfie Performance Group.

And you can find us on LinkedIn as well.

Selfie Performance Group.

I am so excited to hear right share on these platforms, how you're using this information, what you're learning about yourself, what ahas you're having from a scientific standpoint or from a scriptural standpoint.

I know everybody's not on the same faith journey and that's fine.

That's not the purpose of the season.

The purpose of this season is to challenge our thinking, to be able to stand on different sides of perspectives and science and faith, right has historically been these very antithesis, antithetical perspectives on things.

But what we're seeing is they have a lot more in common than we thought.

And that's like that with most things in the world, right, that seem very different but can often be relatively similar or have similar threads where some overlap that we can allow ourselves to build bridges in.

And again, our world is very divided right now and we need healing in so many different ways.

And hopefully this allows us to open our minds and our hearts to new ways of having more productive dialogue around really important topics.

So thank you so much for tuning in.

You've been listening to Building Championship Mindsets, the podcast.

This is your host, Dr.

Amber Selkien.

And from the locker room to the boardroom, I just want to challenge you to continue building your championship mindset.