In today’s episode, we are joined by Clinical Psychologist and Psychoanalyst Dr. Thomas Jordan. Dr. Thomas Jordan has spent over thirty years studying love relationships. He talks with us about what it looks like to replicate the relationships each individual sees growing up and how those relationships carry over into adulthood. We talk about the process of getting conscious of the unhealthy factors in relationships that individuals face and how to turn those into healthy aspects for future relationships. Tune in today to hear how to become conscious about your programming and create a healthy love life.

In this episode:

[1:10] Dr. Thomas Jordan tells us what led him to study love relationships. [2:56] What is unconscious learning? [6:43] What is a disappointing love life? [12:13] Dr. Thomas Jordan talks about the replication process - emotion and physical attributes. [16:02] Getting unfamiliar is uncomfortable and can be anxiety-producing. [18:19] How do people recreate the experiences that have been unhealthy in their life? [20:53] How is re-creation done? [25:22] How can becoming conscious about your programming help in marriage also?

Key Takeaways:

Once you become conscious of the things you learned as a child, you can unlearn the items that no longer feel healthy and change your ways. What we have learned becomes a belief, which is what we look for in relationships. This all happens subconsciously. Until you become aware, this is the path that you will follow. Going through a divorce opens up the opportunity to get curious about your past relationships, uncover what you’ve been repeating, and re-create what you want your love life to look like.

Quotes:

“We can do something about the type of relationship we set up when we fall in love. The relationship we set up, healthy or unhealthy, is what contains that love and grows it. If you set up a healthy relationship, fine; there's a good chance the love will last a lifetime. If you set up an unhealthy relationship, then there can be problems because the relationship in and of itself can stifle the love that you're experiencing, and I believe that's what happens with a divorce.” - Dr. Thomas Jordan

“We have the wonderful ability to challenge things we’ve learned, challenge habits, challenge things we’re used to, challenge what we’re familiar with.” - Dr. Thomas Jordan

“You’re the person that creates your own love life experience.” - Dr. Thomas Jordan

Resources:

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Love Life Learning Center

Learn to Love Book