Well Well Well..

Are we not all a little damaged and seeking validation and approval. Also respect ?

For people who suffer from abandonment issues it's a totally normal thing to be anxious, to see only unreliable, unpredictable people out there

To be angry at how people are uncontrollable. To sometimes be so so angry at life that it constantly brings changes about and disappointments.

What I observed and experienced at times is that people with Abandonment issues sometimes are avoidant and even aloof .. their pain was so big in the past that they are numb now..

From when we were hurt in the past we developed strong walls, strong behaviors, strong thought patterns, believes, opinions

We sometimes even aggressively punish people who dare to come close to our past wounds/ who are trying to 'help us'

We are not seen as weak or such even though our inner/ deepest core is very soft and sometimes if not always a little child/ our inner child that is still longing for healing

When we become aware of our own behaviour

When we start seeing that running away from potential pain is a way stronger mission for us then opening up to the magic and mysteries of life

WE START UNDERSTANDING WHY our relationships are all so freakin messy and hurtful

have a deep listen

this won't be the only episode about this complex topic :D

with love

Aurora

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Unknown: 00:00:04

Hello,

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

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today. It is spring it is warm weather. I couldn't be happier.

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yet. Today I chose a topic that is really hard to Yeah, reflect

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about for some people. abandonment, abandonment issues,

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nun abandonment, siesta have difficulties expressing it. It's

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a tricky thing, because most people who should listen to this

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episode will probably not listen to the episode because people

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who have abandonment issues don't really identify with it or

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are not aware of their behavior. It is people who come across as

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very secure on the surface, yet, when you scratch a little bit on

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the external, you will very quickly see that that person is

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incredibly insecure with who they are. And they make their

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life and other people's life incredibly tough and miserable

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at times. Not all the time. But especially when it comes to

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Yeah, relationships, intimate relationships, romantic

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relationships. But also, relationships with your

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siblings, your parents, when you suffer from abandonment issues.

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You see yourself often as a victim, you don't walk around

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like a victim. But you're very controlling, maybe even

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aggressive, sometimes aggressive to a point where you surprise

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yourself. Sometimes you say something, you react in a way

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where you're like, Whoa, what was that? But you just think oh,

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yeah, I was I was a little bit impatient. I'm, I'm aggressive.

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Yeah. But you will not dig deep enough to find out that it is

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your wounded little internal child that is screaming for

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attention that is screaming, to not be left behind and rejected

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again. It is a wound that we learned to work around, and to

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mask and to kind of Ward ourselves off from because it is

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so painful to go back. It is so painful to go back to that

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experience. When you were maybe in kindergarten, and that one

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child that you absolutely lewdly wanted to be friends with.

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didn't want to be friends with you. Or it was your parents

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dropping you off at kindergarten, first day. And you

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couldn't make sense of why you would have to adjust and live in

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a new environment. Now. You see trauma from an outsider's

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perspective, from your perspective now as an adult,

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compared to when you were a child can look like so

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ridiculous. Like you could see yourself crying. Because your

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mom left you at the kindergarten and as an adult, you would just

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think, Oh my god, I was such a sissy. But back then you were

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really in pain. There is no such thing as drama. People always

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feel exactly what they feel in the moment. And if you think it

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is drama of him, like totally invalidated, then you're doing

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wrong, is that person not being healed from that pain. And if

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you don't heal from that pain, you will come up with pretty

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awesome reactions and tools on how to avoid that pain. So what

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does a person with abandonment issues look like? They usually

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say people are so unreliable. People suck. I hate people. You

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can never plan with people that love to plan. They're

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unpredictable. People with abandonment issues, love to

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control and time as a huge thing. That's what yeah, I

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experienced it. expose my partners to back then is

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you can blame a lot of people and shame them when it comes to

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punctuality, or when it comes to Oh, you didn't get back to me

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right away, you waited so long you read my message, and then

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you never got back to me. So what's wrong with that? People

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with abandonment issues, of course, are also very insecure

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when it comes to other people. They don't show it from the

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inside. But internally, if you were able to have a look at

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their thoughts, they go crazy mentally, when they know their

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partner has opposite sex friends, or maybe still contact

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to their exes. Or maybe, yeah, they behave very differently

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when it comes to timing. Maybe, yeah, they didn't learn to be on

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time, they don't value being on time. And now here you stand

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waiting for them. 15 minutes, 17 minutes, 20 minutes, and going

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absolutely bonkers. And you blame it on them, sorry, them

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not being on time, and them not being able to stick to that

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simple rule of being punctual. Yet it is your little Wounded

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Child that is screaming for attention. And that is screaming

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at you. Not wanting to go through pain of rejection and

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feeling abandoned again. So again, it's not too much about

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going back in time and digging up old stories. But I sure

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encourage you to like if you can tell me in a conversation. Oh,

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yeah, I remember when I was five, we moved away. And my

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parents never made sure that I stay in contact with my friends.

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And I had to find new friends in that town we moved to and it was

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very hard on me. And it was very sad times and I couldn't

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communicate it because I was still a child. Well, that's a

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deep wound. That's deep trauma. And I don't know what it is a

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lot of people just hate that word trauma or want to see

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themselves as absolutely invincible from birth on. But if

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you look at it, we were all so cozy and warm. In our mother's

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womb, everything was provided was warm. We didn't have to care

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about anything. And then you're being literally splashed out

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into this world where all of a sudden, you have to breathe, you

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have to eat, you have to drink, you have to have shelter, and

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warmth. And you need physical and emotional connection,

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otherwise you're not going to survive. So fuck that already.

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So if you didn't go through any trauma, birth, itself is such a

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huge trauma, if you want to look at it, that it doesn't surprise

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me that there's so many people out there depressed because they

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don't see that those experiences are traumatizing. And after

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that, we manipulate we do everything to get our needs met,

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to an extent that it hurts ourselves and other people.

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That's how screwed up it is. But you have to see that those maybe

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little things for you now, back then were intense. And the

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feelings you had were real. And your little brain back then that

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was still forming, was trying now to avoid that pain and was

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trying to get better and to provide better and, and to be

Unknown: 00:08:59

safe again. And in control being in control. I will post an

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episode about OCD. He has sown oppressive controlling behavior,

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you know, I'll go more into detail that but can wanting to

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control. And being aggressive when it comes to control is the

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behavior of a deeply insecure person. And they are suffering

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and the people around them are suffering. And this is why I'm

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getting so intense with it because I was in that spot for

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so long. And I'm feeling so much better now. And I want people to

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be like to reaching that point faster. I want to provide people

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with a shortcut that they don't sit in this misery as long as I

Unknown: 00:09:51

was maybe 10 years or longer.

Unknown: 00:09:55

So if this was deeply triggering for you, if you feel like Oh my

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god, I have abandonment issues. And I don't know how to deal

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with it my relationships. In the past, I realized now I've

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manipulated and it is also said, trust me, you're not alone with

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this and you can always reach out. And you can start talking

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about it with me or with people around you because it's not

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something uncommon. We all suffer from that to some degree.

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And it's not something to be ashamed of it is so beautiful to

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become aware of your behavior, to then live a more fulfilled

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life and to be happy in your relationships, your

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relationships, our life, the way you relate to your environment,

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to your family, to your friends, to your partner, is deeply

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nourishing you on every little level that there is. So if I can

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do something, to make you feel better about yourself, for you,

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to then have better relationships, then you make me

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the happiest person here on planet Earth. Because it is too

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sad to see that some people still struggle with control and

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with disappointment and with attachment. And we want to

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alleviate this pain, we want to help people get out of the

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suffering and make people are aware of it, which is not always

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comfortable. You know, I'm not always comfortable waking people

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up and telling the truth and also calling myself out on my

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bullshit. But it's the only way the only way out is through it.

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And through it means in this case, reflect about what hurt

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you in the past and have compassion for yourself. Know

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that you didn't put on a show, know that you didn't like create

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drama for nothing, it is how you felt. And you have to validate

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how you felt in the past, to validate yourself now in the

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present, and to be a stronger, better future self. It is only

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with awareness with shining light onto the shadow that we

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can change things. And the only thing you can change on this

Unknown: 00:12:28

planet Earth is yourself. You cannot change other people, you

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can only inspire people to look a little deeper and to reflect.

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But if they're not ready for it, they will harshly reject you.

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And you cannot take a personal you cannot take anything

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personal on this planet Earth. Because it is all changing. It

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is all unpredictable. And that's the mystery and the beauty of

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life. You can learn to trust yourself again, and you can

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trust your judgment, your observations, without analyzing

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a lot of times, people with abandonment issues, analyze so

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much. And put people into boxes way too much. Just because they

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want things to go exactly their way. Because everything else is

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so scary. To open your mind to a new way of approaching

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relationships. Or maybe starting a family or living your life is

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so freakin scary. If you and your little mind thought, this

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is exactly how it has to be. Otherwise, I'm going to get

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hurt. So I'm going to stop right here and invite you to maybe

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meditate on this pick a meditation. And let us all sink

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in. Especially if you feel like this is you or this is a person

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that you really love. Think about what I just said. And

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yeah, reflect about it. And then know that I will be out there

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very soon again, and keep talking about this. Because it

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is way too important. To not be talking about us. It's a very

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simple thing to do to reflect about yourself and to then

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adjust and change to live a better life and I want to be

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there for you on your journey. Alright, take really good care

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of yourself. Thanks for enjoying the Borealis experience podcast.

Unknown: 00:14:41

Until next time, bye bye