Chad is a fabulous human. We dive into his chapter for the upcoming Scars to Stars Vol 3, but also chat about his own book that just came out recently, Who Am I? His story is also going to be a movie soon and some of the stories are incredible. Chad and I also talk a little about our mental health journeys and how we both have a mission to help others!

Mentioned Resources:

For more: www.gaineschad.com

About the Guest: 

Chad Richard Gaines was born on June 3, 1973.

Author and speaker now, and he is widely known for his book, Who Am I, and the details of his horrific child abuse when he was a young boy. He spends much of his time lecturing and coaching on PTSD and its long-term effects. Gaines is now a coach about the concepts of resilience. In 2001, his mother killed his stepfather, and he writes the details in his book based on his life, “Who Am I” the Chad Gaines story. In 2004, Chad Gaines was honored as one of the Ten Most Outstanding Young Americans (TOYA) in the country. In 2008, Gaines was honored with the Daily Points of Light by President of the United States, George Bush.

In 2020, Hollywood writer Stevie Long wrote the movie script based on Gaines’ life. Filming of the movie, Pocket of Hope (The Chad Gaines story) will take place in San Francisco, California, in the summer of 2023. Additionally, Chad has appeared on many podcasts worldwide, sharing his story and message: Keep Getting Back Up.

About Deana:

Deana Brown Mitchell is a driven, optimistic, and compassionate leader in all areas of her life.

As a bestselling author, speaker and award-winning entrepreneur, Deana vulnerably shares her experiences for the benefit of others. As a consultant/coach, she has a unique perspective on customizing a path forward for any situation. 

Currently President of Genius & Sanity, and known as “The Shower Genius”, she teaches her proprietary framework created from her own experiences of burnout and always putting herself last...  for entrepreneurs and leaders who want to continue or expand their business while taking better care of themselves and achieving the life of their dreams.

In 2022 Deana released the book, The Shower Genius, How Self-Care, Creativity & Sanity will Change Your Life Personally & Professionally.

Also, Deana is the Founder & Executive Director of The Realize Foundation. She is a suicide survivor herself, and vulnerably uses her own mental health journey to let others know there is hope. The Realize Foundation produces events and publishes books that let people know there are not alone.

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” Jeremiah 30:17

https://www.realizefoundation.org/

https://www.facebook.com/RealizeFoundation

https://www.instagram.com/realizefoundation/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-realize-foundation/

https://www.youtube.com/@realizefoundation5598

https://twitter.com/ScarstoStarsTM

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Hi there, it's Deaena with The Realized Foundation. And I'm here with Chad Gaines, who's writing in scar sisters volume three. Welcome to

Yeah, happy to be here today. Wow, happy to be here today. And to be involved with scars from stars and have a chapter is very exciting because I wrote this chapter a little different than I have in previous as well as my book. This one is totally different. This is something I always wanted to share. But I've never put it in any books or blogs or anything else. And I told it in a way that I think a lot of people can relate to it and also understand how it's written.

That's great. Well, for people that might be listening, that don't know anything about you, would you tell us a little more about the content of what the chapter is about, without giving it all up. And

I liked that. I just wrote my own personal story, based on my life, and my book has been turned into a movie right now. So the chapter is actually based on my life based on some of the trauma that I went through, but also the mindsets of how trauma and PTSD changes the mind and the way we think and the way it affects our relationships and finances, and just everything, it just totally affected my whole life. As a man and now as a as a father to my eight year old daughter. It's really, really affected me in so many different ways that I look at the world differently. And I look at people differently. And I look at even my schedule, and anxiety and everything that I go through every day differently, because now I know the reason why it's happening and why it's happened in the past and how it's affected me so much. So I also am a coach, based on that to help people get through trauma and PTSD. With simple messages. I'm, I'm just here for the rest of my days that I have to help people not be so afraid.

Yeah. And so they know they're not alone as well. Because I think a lot of times when we have depression, or PTSD, or anxiety or any of that, that we we feel like we're the only one, you know. So not true.

I felt that for so many years of my life, because I thought like, why am I getting with certain people in relationships, and they're toxic, and then I self sabotage it and run off and don't want you know, and all this stuff. And then I come to realize, well, you know, maybe it's about my choices that I'm making based on the effects of PTSD. And those things, and I found that to be very, very true, but at a high loss when it came to finances, relationships and opportunities that I passed by, because I was so scared and, and all those things that I, I it was for me, it was just like I woke up one morning and 50 years old, just decided like, okay, I can relate to a lot of this stuff that happened to me and why it's affected me. Now that I recognize that now what I'm gonna have to deal with it, it's not gonna go away. There's no cure for PTSD. You can manage it. You can also fake it, like I have personally, where no one knew what was going on. And inside, I was just terrified and dying and scared. And like that seven year old boy that was abused all over again. Yeah,

same reading, you're not done with it, but I'm reading it. And it's yeah, that won't give any of that away either.

I know, it's it's very difficult for some people to read. I've gotten that a lot lately. And just like I tell everybody else that gets my gets my book, just one page at a time because some of it is hard to handle some of his graphic. And so I just want you to, you know, one page at a time and I'm sure this book will be the same outstanding with all these amazing authors and everybody that brings value to this message and this book, and I'm just thankful to be a part of this. Well, we're thankful

that you are part of it. And I think that it's a it's a way for anyone that does doesn't know, my story. Um, I'm not going to tell you the whole story. But I'm just going to say that for 23 years, I was silent about a suicide attempt. And when, during all those years, I never came across a person, a website, any information that made me feel like it was okay to speak up, or to talk about it. And I didn't really want to go to therapy, I had done that once or twice, but it just wasn't the right thing for me. And so if I could have picked up a book, or listen to a podcast, even though we didn't have podcast back then and like, right, you know, if I could have somehow read something, or been able to connect with somebody that had been through what I've been through, on a personal level that wasn't public, I think I would have, and I think that's what our books do for people, they can pick it up. And there's, you know, somewhere between 18 and 20 stories in our books that are different. And people can relate to at least a couple of them, you know, probably more, because there's, it's all about people just struggling through something in their life, and how they overcame it. And they're all different stories, from abuse and addiction and mental health and suicide to infertility, and, you know, all kinds of things. And so it's, I can't even express how much feedback and notes and people have passed messages back to me about how much it either helped them, or they gave the book to somebody, and then it helped that person. And so it's been a really cool project to see how this shows up in the world.

I think it is very important for the world, this book itself, because there are so many different stories in it. And if you have never been through anything like this, you probably know somebody that has, that's the important thing about all these messages, like if you're not even a reader, get a copy to pass along to somebody, because you either know somebody that has been affected by trauma, or these things that we talked about in the book, or you're one of them yourself. And this just needs to be spread around the world. This is a great book, it's a great message with all these different authors in it from all over the place, different walk prep backgrounds of of life, and, and just some great passionate stories that we need. And he at least here in the United States right now. We need this. We need this. We we crave this. And we definitely we just need it. We're in desperate need of something like this. We are I can't say that enough. It's it's the truth.

It's very true. I think that I think the whole world is in need of it. And we do have somebody from the UK who wrote in his book for sure. We've had other people in other countries, right, and some of our first two books. But yeah, and I think it's you know, we've even had people buy dozens of them and donate them to libraries and different things like that, which is really cool. And we hope that one day we'll be able to raise enough money to do that on a larger scale to like homeless shelters or, you know, addiction facilities and all kinds of things. But I want to ask you, if you if you might share a couple tips on how you manage your PTSD, in case somebody it could help.

To answer your question truthfully, I think everybody has to adjust to what works for them. Because there's when it comes to this, and the effects that I've had personally, there's no magic bullet or secret message that I can give to you. But I will tell you that what everybody has in common is you either recognize what your triggers are, or you don't. And for years, I didn't. I didn't realize like why is this getting me so upset? Why am I such a jealous person in my relationships? Why do I instead of going out? Why do I like to be by myself? Why do I listen to music 24 hours a day, all those things were like really bothering me, but also excited to figure out like what, you know what's going on, and I could never, I could never share that to anybody because I was embarrassed because I would see everybody else that come from, you know, structured families and I just couldn't make it out like oh, wait, my family wasn't the typical family of the 80s. And there As a reason why my dad was an alcoholic, and my mother became a murderer in our home? And I'm asked that question quite a lot. But I think the main thing that we all can relate to is what our triggers are. That's the first thing I talk about in my coaching programs is what are your triggers? Do you know what they are? Because for me, my triggers are much different than a person that went through the similar but different, also has a lot to do with the years that they went through it. Some people have experienced that trauma short term that affects them in a different way than somebody like my situation that was, well, 15 years old, and the trauma was still going on, until I was shoved out into the street to take care of myself at 15. But those things can be managed, they definitely can be managed. I talk about this every single day of my life now. And it's about recognizing your triggers and having a routine that works for you. My routines are really strange, but they work for me. You know, my wife knows, hey, in the morning, at this time, I need my Starbucks. If I can't, I can't go from that to transition into lunch, honestly. Because that's my routine. That's what I I've had in my life that works for me, certain musics. I know, at a certain time when my wife is here working at her desk, here in the bedroom, that she knows for from this time to this time, Chad's listening to his music, because I need that to get ready for a podcast or to keep going. You know, those are things that encouraged me, because music has always been a big part of my life. It's the only thing that I that I always tell everybody that's never left me or never abandoned me. And my life is music. So I hold on to that dearly. And then the third thing that I think is, if you come from trauma that was related to your childhood, I think it's very important to find a good memory of something you really treasured. During that time that your trauma was going on. Mine was several different things, baseball cards, Matchbox car, cars, and Star Wars figures. When I was going through the the toughest years in my life that I was promised that I would never live on a daily basis, I'm gonna kill you the exact words if I want to be blunt here. But I what I found is in those three things, recognizing my triggers, having my alone time, even if it's for one hour a day, and I'm in the same room, you've got to have your your time. That's very important. I don't care if you're 30 years old, or 50, like me. And then the third thing is, find a good memory or a even a possession that you had, when that trauma was going on that you like that helped you get through. And I suggest getting it back. I don't care if you're 40 or 50. Like me, I went on eBay and found a car, a matchbox car that I keep right here by my desk every single day with my other Matchbox car, I'm 50 years old. But I do that. And this is why I do that. Because those exact same cars when I was seven years old, I was instructed by my mother to go break them with a hammer. That was my punishment. When I would get in trouble. I had to break my own toys in front of her. So that was like this. Not a revenge, but it was more like a redemption of my life and taking back what was important to me. So those are the three brief things that I coach about. And those are great tips for trauma or PTSD, or anything that you've ever been through greatly in your life. Those things are very important. You can find all the toys that you grew up with on eBay still. You know it. I mean, it helps me to see that every single day. I have it right here on top of a book right on my desk to remind me like, yes, she took that away. But yeah, I'm 50 but I got it back. That's redemption. And that's what a lot of people around the world are seeking right now. Just a little respect, love and redemption. Yeah, it's time for and I seen this quote the other day online. It's time for the people that have good hearts to win. If it's time, like that,

I agree with you on music music is I have playlists for all my moods. So you know, exactly,

that's important. Music can touch your heart no matter where it's at, you know, when I drew a death in the family or a solo operation, so where,

yeah, that's true. We're in 2020. I listen to my sad playlist over and over and over for months, because that is when I started this mission. And it was when I was focusing on my own journey and processing my own mental health journey. And I, even though, now when I'm happy, and I listen to that, I'm like, oh, it's depressing. But when I was in that place it was through. So it was, it's, it's really important to have something. Yeah, whether it's music or something else. Yeah. Listeners, it's, you have to find that thing that can get you through that hard time, you know?

For sure. Yeah, you have to find what works for you. Same thing with like I said, with the triggers, you know, you got to find what, what your triggers are what triggers you to have this anxiety? And learn, like, if I'm putting myself in that situation, either around that person? Or even at that place? You know, don't learn to don't put yourself in that position. Very, that's the hardest thing.

Yeah. It takes some time to figure that out. But everything you said, I completely agree with. I want to ask you one last question. And that is, you talk about your experience, either been, you've kind of talked a little bit about being part of scars that started already, but talk about when you decided to write your own book or your your story, because I know you wrote that before you wrote this chapter. Can you describe a little bit about how that affected you mentally? How you prepare for it? How did you, you know, decide that you're going to write it, or whatever you want to talk about around writing, because everybody that writes in our books is writing something about something hard they've been through. And so it affects you differently than just writing something. And so I wonder what that experience was for you?

Well, for me, it was very difficult, to be honest, something I almost give up on. And went back to being just a regular person in society because I didn't, I wanted, I wanted the excitement, I wanted the experience of the publishing process and writing and telling my journey. But I ever realized how mentally challenging that would be, where I would just want to walk away from everything that I had been offered, from books to podcast to this movie and TV series and all this stuff. Many, many times I wanted to give up. And then I kept hearing that voice inside of me saying, what else are you going to do? What else are you going to do? Then it also I had voices in my head that would say, Okay, where's the book, you've been talking about this for three years. Because originally, my book was supposed to be released in 2020. And it took me another three years, prolonging it, trying to talk myself out of it, going through loopholes of the publishing company, learning the process, and not even knowing how to fit the dimensions of my cover and all they would have, but it was a great experience to learn that. And I'm sure first time authors in this book are going to experience the same thing with the excitement and the launch of the book. For me, mentally, I found it to be harder to write my story than to be on several hundreds of podcasts, or to even film a commercial based on my life, or even up to the point where I read the movie script about my life and said, Wow, this guy's got a messed up life. And then I said, Whoa, that's me. You know, so you got to have fun with it too. But it was it was very, very difficult to write something so personal, it's about my life and to Have the courage to tell everything this time, instead of taking the shortcuts and saying, Well, maybe I should leave this part out. And you know, and that was a another thing that I wavered back and forth for three years, four years now, just say, Okay, should I leave this part out? Should I leave this part out? I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to share my story on a level that people can relate to it. And if they can't, they can say, Whoa, okay, I'm never going to treat my child like this. Because there's no excuse for ever, ever, ever having violence against a child? Never. There's not. And I make that very clear in my book. And I make it very clear. And my chapter that I just recently said, yeah, it's a very difficult process. When it's personal, I found it more challenging because I was alone to write with my own thoughts. And I was like, Whoa, musics not going to save me this time. You know, and then I come up with so many different ways. I wanted to do the book, like, Okay, where do I start? Where do I finish? What where do I put the chapters are, you know, I was more excited about the journey than the story, the journey through the process of you know, publishing and being an author and getting that first, you know, print copy of the book and just be blown away, like, wow, okay, this sense of not only belonging, but this sense of, like, I'm helping other people, because I'm here to serve. That's, that's my, for the rest of my life. That's what I've dedicated my life to, here to serve. So that all those parts were easy, because I knew my mission, but to sit down with your own thoughts, and to collaborate with others, to write a book, like, mine, at least, was very challenging. But something that has to be done, it has to be done for the people that have been through it that don't have a voice or won't speak up.

This is our chance to be the voice. You know, it is? It is, it is, it is

I'm so glad that you, you know, accepted my request for you to be in this book. And I'm really excited for people to read your story and, and I'm excited for all of us to get to see the movie, when it gets done. That's gonna be really exciting. I'm excited for you, you have a lot of really cool stuff going on in your life.

It's really cool and exciting. Right now, it's a little draining. But you know, this is your mission in life, you realize, like, okay, there's going to be some days that you're going to be more anxiety because of the PTSD than others. That's when you need to just take a mental break. Everybody needs to take that mental break. If it's an hour listening to music, that's what you need, then I highly recommend you do that.

Absolutely. Well, thank you, Chad for for being here. And for our listeners, or our book launch event is going to be on September 22. And it's going to be we'll have a registration link with all these videos on our podcast and on our YouTube channel and on our social media. And also, we'll have a registration link that will send out to everybody so we hope to see you there on September 22. And I can't wait to launch our third book.

Absolutely. It's gonna be very, very exciting for a lot of people. And you know, like I said, I just recommend we all get this message out. We get this book out to as many people as we can save and help in whatever needs serve that it's just a great message and with this many authors in it, you can't miss out on this.

Thank you, tad. Appreciate you.