Is the fear of change getting in your way?    

This episode is all about harnessing self-belief to smash your fears and embrace change as an opportunity to get proactive and claim the life you want.   

Use your voice to let people know what you need, set boundaries, and do things your way.  

Ask for help when you need it, and choose relationships and community who support and champion you.   

Have fun starring in your story, and attract people who are having fun starring in theirs!  

You’re never too old to dream, and it’s never too late to change your mind.  

Just decide: “It has to be me!”   

Tess’s Takeaways: 

• Harness self-belief to combat fears.  
• Celebrate the lessons from difficult experiences.  
• Empower yourself with an abundance mindset.  
• Embrace change as an opportunity.  
• Choose relationships that encourage you to grow.   
• Give yourself permission to say no and set boundaries.  
• Don’t live with the pain of regret.  
• Use your voice and let people know what you need.  
• Stop chasing perfection. Aim for the next better choice. 

Meet Tess Masters:  

Tess Masters is an actor, presenter, health coach, cook, and author of The Blender Girl, The Blender Girl Smoothies, and The Perfect Blend, published by Penguin Random House. She is also the creator of The Decadent Detox® and Skinny60® health programs.   

Health tips and recipes by Tess have been featured in the LA Times, Washington Post, InStyle, Prevention, Shape, Glamour, Real Simple, Yoga Journal, Yahoo Health, Hallmark Channel, The Today Show, and many others.   

Tess’s magnetic personality, infectious enthusiasm, and down-to-earth approach have made her a go-to personality for people of all dietary stripes who share her conviction that healthy living can be easy and fun. Get delicious recipes at TheBlenderGirl.com.  

Connect With Tess: 

Website: https://tessmasters.com/  

Podcast Website: https://ithastobeme.com/   

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theblendergirl/  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theblendergirl/  

Twitter: https://twitter.com/theblendergirl  

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/theblendergirl  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tessmasters/  

Get Healthy With Tess 

Skinny60®: https://www.skinny60.com/  

Join the 60-Day Reset: https://www.skinny60.com/60-day-reset/ 

The Decadent Detox®: https://www.thedecadentdetox.com/  

Join the 14-Day Cleanse: https://www.thedecadentdetox.com/14-day-guided-cleanses/ 

The Blender Girl: https://www.theblendergirl.com/  

Thanks for listening!  

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Thanks for joining me, today I want to talk about change. When we decide it has to be me, we're choosing change, right? We are choosing that we are going to do something. And that means that by doing something, and often it's something new, or it might be something that we've done before. But we are changing. So if we accept the idea that we are changing all day, every day, we're changing with every choice that we make, that we are in control of how much we change, it becomes a really exciting thing, right? And something that we can control, we can control how much we change, change is not something that's thrust upon us. So with change and how much change we embrace, and how much we allow ourselves to change how much change we seek out with the choices that we make, it really invites us to examine our relationship with change, because every experience is an invitation to return to self, to really examine ourselves, and, and reinforce our connection or maintain our connection to self. And so I just find it a fascinating thing to think about and to talk about. How do you respond to change? How do you feel about change. So my relationship with change has changed over the years, so when I was younger, I used to think of change as the most utterly terrifying thing, or the most exciting thing, it was one thing or the other. And like I've talked about in previous episodes, fear and excitement activate in a similar place in the body, right, it's just our attachment to the outcome with fear, we choose to believe that the outcome is going to be really bad for us and hurt us. With excitement, we choose to believe that the outcome is going to be really great for us, we're going to enjoy the outcome, you know, that's the excitement right? There can turn and change, you know, so you know, often when we decide it has to be me, part of the it has to be me is deciding what does not have to be me, it's deciding No, I don't want that I'm going to walk away from that it doesn't have to be me anymore. This is not what I want. That is part of it has to be me, I want something different, you know, I'm not going to do this, right. So this whole relationship with change, and embracing this perspective, that it's something that we control. And our perspective is something that we control becomes really, really key to taking action on those it has to be mean moment. So we can have the feeling of it has to be me that does that I want to start that company, I want to have that baby, whatever it is, right. But you actually have to take action on it for actually to mean something. Otherwise, it's just a dream. Right? So you know, what do they say dream without a plan is just a wish, right? Or an unfulfilled wish. So I want to know what you're dreaming about right now that you're not formulating a strategy or a plan to make happen. Right. I've got things I'm mulling about in my mind right now, the next thing that I would love to do right to to feel great to be fulfilled, to have fun to help others whatever motivates you, you know, with what what all of the above, right? So the choices that you're making. But this process of prioritizing and deciding what is important and what is not as important is a really key part of it has to be me right? So again, I'm going to use the Nelson Mandela quote, which is a never lose, I either win or I learned so if we accept that premise that there is only winning and learning. I don't know what it does for you, but my relationship to change shifts. So you know, I used to think about change as something where I was going to lose something. And yeah, with change, things don't stay the same. Change is a constant, it is happening whether we want to it to happen or not. It's going to keep happening and and really, if once we stop changing, we die. Change is just something that happens as we age minute to minute, right? Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year. Right So another thing that used to scare me about change is wall. I'm not equipped. I'm not equipped for the change. I'm not ready for the change. I don't have what it takes. I won't be enough. I mean, all the stuff that we've been talking about these last few episodes, right that that can get in the way of, of us claiming and taking action on it has to be me. This I'm not enough story. You know, I talked about this in the trailer for the podcast, because it really is the central theme that comes up over and over and over again, every single week without fail. The I Am Not enough streak comes up in some manifestation during my office hours in my 60 Day reset. And, for me, specifically, I'm not enough looks a few different ways. And I want to see if you can relate to this. So sometimes I'm not enough manifest errs. I can't do this, they all know how to do okay, so this is an example, I am taking ballroom dancing classes right now. I love to dance, I love it, it gives me so much joy. I'm not great at it. I'm not. And it's been really interesting. I started going with my dad, because my dad used to be a ballroom dancer, and he loves it. And it was just something that we could do together to spend quality time together. And also to get in more steps for him because he can be lazy. And he doesn't like to exercise, right. But he has to exercise for better health, right. So I thought this could be something really fun. So it started like that. And I was really interested in it, I've always wanted to be able to dance with my dad, you know, in this really beautiful way or dance with any other man that way. It's it's a beautiful thing, right? But I was terrible. And he is what I have learned through this process. I've been taking ballroom dancing classes now for a year and a half, I app salutely Love it.

You know what I don't like to follow, I want to be a leader, like I want to lead. And it was really interesting. I've got this beautiful teacher, Julia, She's so lovely. She's really taught me some stuff about myself through this ballroom dancing. She said, You know, the great thing about being a follower is that you can allow yourself to be a few steps behind a few beats behind a few thoughts behind, and you just let the leader do all the work, it's actually so much more fun, right. And sometimes it's kind of exciting to not know where you're going. And just to be led on this beautiful journey and be in time with this music and just go somewhere unexpected. And it really spoke to me and it's really taken me it's taken me I'm gonna say a year for me to really surrender to that idea that I don't have to have all the answers, I don't have to be steering the ship all the time, I don't have to be the leader all the time. Because you know what, as much as I love it, and I talked, you know, in a previous episode about how that, that idea of you're not the lead dog, the view never changes. Or sometimes you want to be following with the rest of the pack, and you want the leader to do their thing, and you just want it to be easy. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can be a really beautiful thing. Because when someone else is the leader, they might take you into a beautiful place that you never would have gone on your own. So that has really helped me hold some other things in my life, you know, where sometimes it's okay to go with somebody else's idea. You know, and somebody else's idea of doing something might not be exactly the way that you would have done it. But you're gonna learn from it, and it's going to take you into an unexpected place, you know? So I'll say that to you, in terms of feeling like you don't belong, or that everybody else has it figured out but you and you're going to look stupid, and you're not going to know what to do. You know? What about just, I'm going to show up, and I'm just going to be present and open and honest about where I'm at. And how can that be wrong? Right and everybody starts somewhere, bought a ballroom dancing chart champion didn't start as a champion, they started step by step, just learning the steps and dancing with other people. Right and looking stupid and maybe getting out of time and falling over or whatever. But at the end of the day, it's all just about fun, right? So if you can harness that belief in yourself that you are enough and you have what it takes, and if you don't, you're gonna figure it out, and other people can help you figure it out, right. Change becomes this gift. This gift that we receive that we open ourselves up to that we allow ourselves to investigate and swimmer round in and explore and discover. And yeah, it often takes us into really unexpected places. And sometimes those places are scary and they're uncomfortable and they come with heartbreak and they come with humiliation and, and all the things right, I shared quite a number of my stories like that in episode one. But one of the overarching, you know, messages of Episode One is it all takes you to a better place, even if you're not cognizant of it at the time. So, you know, we can talk about, you know, phrases we hear in society leap and the net will appear. Have faith, just do it. I mean, all these things, right. But I really think that when it comes to change, so often, we're so resistant to change, because of all of these fears, you know, to use another movie analogy, we know, I like I like a good movie. One of my favorite movies is the Bridges of Madison County, with Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep, based on the book by Robert Walker. Oh, man, that movie is just so exquisite, so exquisite. And so complex and so messy and so simple at the same time, right? So they're, you know, sitting sitting around the table in the kitchen, and they're talking about change. And she's saying that Francesca says, you know, I think I'm one of those people that change scares. And Clint Eastwood, the robber, Kincaid manual, I love rubber Kincaid. He says, you know, if you think of, of change as something you can count on, it can be comforting. And certainly we can buy into that, you know, when there's a death, when there's a tragedy, when there's a humiliation, when when you're going through a really difficult time, you are desperate for things to change, you're desperate to not feel this low, this bad, this heavy, this, you're desperate for things not be so hard. So we embrace change in those circumstances, right? Because we're desperate to get out of something. But when something's really really good, we're afraid of change. Because we're going to lose something, right? Well, we're losing, and we're winning. If you think of it in those terms, no matter what, just like I was talking last episode about easy and hard and good and bad, and being ready or not ready. All that sort of stuff. It's the same thing here, right? So so okay, if you're going through a really difficult time, you don't want to lose it, like you're spending, you know, a holiday with somebody, you just don't want the holiday to end, you don't want it to end, right. But if it doesn't end, we're not going to be doing anything else. Other than that, right? As wonderful as it is. And we're not going to be going to another destination and having another holiday and a different experience, we're just going to be sitting in this same experience, as wonderful as it might be, but eventually, we're going to get sick of that, let's just that works, right? Likewise, if you're in a really difficult situation, you want to get to the change, because you want to feel better, but you're losing, you're losing the bad feeling, but you also might be losing the lessons. So I, I invite you to trust, that times gonna pass and things are going to change the way that they're meant to and the way as much as you allow them to, you know, so you're in control, and then you're not in control of some other aspects, right, what other people do and say, and, and how that affects you and so forth. But it's interesting when you choose to stay present with what is and stay open at the same time to what could be and what is going to be next. And so I'm going to give you something I say to people in my in my office hours every week, and what I do and what I would say to myself as well, what's here for me today, what's here for me now with this in this feeling right now? And how can it serve me? What can I learn? What can I learn from the way that I'm feeling right now? Whatever it is just constantly asking why? What can I learn? What's here for me? You know, so I would say that with all of the it has to be me moments in your life today. And the ones that are about to come the big ones and the small ones, right? Like it's all just practice. We're just practicing. And again, like I've said on other episodes, we get good at what we practice, right? So I want to ask you, do you primarily make fear based decisions? Or do you make love based decisions? So are you motivated what what by what is wrong or what could be wrong? Or do you lean into what could be right? Or you believe in your capacity or your ability? To find solutions and find what's right or resource yourself to get help to find what's right. So I think that we're all a mixture of both. But we tend to default into one particular way of thinking. So, you know, it's certain parts of my life, particularly when I've gone through very difficult stories, like I shared some of them in episode one about my marriage breaking up and, and opportunities missed, you know, when I was in college and things like that. It's really interesting. I have leaned into that mindset of, it's all going to go wrong, and it's going to keep being wrong when I've been in that really dark place. And then when you believe and something's going really well, it's much easier to believe that it's all gonna go right. I mean, it's it's just human nature, I think for all of us, right? But if we practice conscious redirection and being able to redirect ourselves in the moment, when staying present with those lessons, it's really feels terrible right now. Okay, why am I so confronted by this? Why is this? Does this feel so hard? For me, it's all for maybe my cry, you might really be sitting around in it, but just maintaining that gentle curiosity about it. Then we I feel for me and and I wonder if you can relate to this. But but that

I'm then it then frees me to be nimble, nimble and agile. And I can move in either direction, I've got choices. You know, I'm not stuck like quicksand into one belief system. And one way of being I can kind of choose, and I can modulate, and I can move into those delicious, nuanced places where we empower ourselves to make different choices. Right? So I'm going to ask you again, what I asked you, you know, in episode two, and three, you know, do you buy in and lean into an abundance mindset of there is enough, I'm enough, there is enough, there's enough for everybody? Or do you use your natural default position to lean into the deprivation mindset of there's not enough, I'm not enough, I'm going to fail, it's not going to work out. It's going to be a disaster. And again, I think that we can be a mixture of both. But what is your natural inclination? Is that serving you going after it has to be me reaching your dreams, living the life that you want, or is it detracting from it? Share with me in our community or at it has to be me.com, forward slash stories, share your stories, I guarantee you'll get in there. And other people will be sharing the same thing. It's, it's kind of amazing, you know, that that idea of misery loves company, will success loves company to array. So we want to feel like we belong, we want to be seen and understood, we want to know we're not alone, we want to know that we matter. And so that's what makes community so beautiful in such a rich well to drink from is coming together, sharing stories, right? listening, learning, teaching, hanging your shiny land and sharing your story so that others can learn from it. People want to hear what you have to say, I promise you, I promise you. So what is enough? Depends on perspective, right? Like it really does. And so I think it's a choice. It's certainly a choice for me, you know, and we talk about this a lot during my office hours as well about this choice to believe that there is enough. And, and it's a process of believing and then re deciding to buy back into it. Right. And so, you know, again, like I've talked about in some of the other episodes, I really, really hate diets. This is this is one of the many reasons why I hate them. They're damaging on the body. They're not sustainable, they're miserable. But they're the big overarching reasons. But like I talked about, in episode two, it really leans into that deprivation limiting there's not enough I can't have it mentality. And I don't think that's joyful. I don't think that I'm limited. I you know, I can't, I won't. I don't think that that keeps us open and connected. I think that joy and happiness is about what we add, not about what we take away, not about what we limited. I don't know I don't know about you, but I'm greedy. I want more I want more flavor, more light, more love more connection, more learning, more growth, more experiences, I just want more and more more like I get that from my mother. She's really thirsty, right? And just wants to learn constantly, right and has taken us on some spectacular adventures. My dad is equally that way. But he's a little bit more passive in his pursuit of that. So he's happy to go along for the ride and he's so happy when he said Yeah, right. But he doesn't have to necessarily be steering the ship all the time he chooses when he does, you know, that's probably what made their partnership last 55 years, right. But, and I don't think it needs to be one or the other. There's no right or wrong way to navigate this journey. It's just what feels right for you. But I asked you, again, is the path that you're choosing and the tools that you're picking up and your default position? Is it serving you? Or is it detracting from what you really want? Right? And, and leaning into change, and choosing change takes courage. And I mean, Big Love, big love for yourself. Big strength, big courage, I mean, huge, right? But you've got it, you can do it, you can. And this is why we join communities, right? If you don't believe that you can on your own, and you don't have friends and family members who help you believe that you can join a community of people that will help you believe that about yourself, because you got to have somebody in your life who's champion in you, and, and cheering you on and helping you believe that you can do anything, right? You've got to have somebody like that in your life, right? We're not supposed to do this thing called life on our own right? And relationship. Oh, it's just so yummy, and juicy, and beautiful and fabulous. And they complex in their heart, and they can be annoying and frustrating. But gosh, it's amazing. It's just amazing, right? Being in relationship with others, but the relationship with ourself, how we identify how we what we attach to form our identity. We got to choose those stories wisely. Like I was talking about in episode two, and in episode three, right? Like we choose to identify with particular stories, right? So if you choose to mostly identify with I'm not enough, I'm weak, I'm stupid. I'm, I'm fat. I'm ugly. Nobody cares about it, right? That's what will manifest and expand. But if you choose to believe I'm strong, I'm healthy, I'm smart, I can be strategic. I'm I can figure it out. I'm gonna ask for help when I need it, I will find the solutions. I'm gonna go after this. And I will figure it out. No matter what happens. I got this, I can handle this. Right. So I'll give you an example in my personal life, so so it was in episode two or three was it where I talked about that story about when I was at the darkest point in my life, when my marriage was breaking up, my heart was broken, I was decimated. I mean, I could barely get out of bed. I was. I just didn't care. I didn't care about life anymore. I just didn't care. And my friend Chris came over with a pillow and not banging on the door. Let me and I know you're in there. Right? I told you that story was pretty incredible. And she said don't rob me of the privilege of being there for you really taught me right. What I what I'll say about that story, again, is that I realized that I had chosen to identify as somebody that didn't need help. That was weak. That was for other people that couldn't figure it out on their own. Right. They just weren't as smart as me. Right? I mean, that's, that's chumps like that, that that shows that I don't have it figured out.

Well, of course, I don't have it all figured out, just like everybody else. Right? It's pretty arrogant viewpoint on my part, right. But I was the one that helped other people. And I realized that I, I, I, I picked up the value and and I my self worth was determined by how much I helped others and what others thought of me and that I was helpful, then other people would think I was a good person. Right? I mean, I don't know if you can relate to this. But and it doesn't mean that you don't help with a whole heart. You're all in you do it with love and all those things. But I had to start to really reframe how I was identifying and where I was, where I was seeking validation in my life, you know, and that closure comes from within validation comes from within, like, it's lovely to get words of affirmation and lovely compliments from other people. But if you're not feeling good within yourself, it's kind of just words that ricochet off you eventually it doesn't matter what everybody else says, you still feel the way that you feel. So the word the work has to be done from within. Right? And so really, it's later in life that I've really harnessed the power of that self direction. And so I I want to ask you, you know, how do you resource yourself and redirect yourself when you're feeling I'm not enough? You know? That's what I was gonna say before. With with the I'm not enough story. I was talking about the manifestation Then I went off on a tangent, I apologize for that. It kind of went out. Now I'm going in squirrel brain here. But I, often the I'm not enough story manifests in my life is I'm too much. I immediately assume that I'm too much for anybody. I'm too opinionated. I'm too honest. I'm too loud. I'm too brash, I'm too big. That is my default position, I assume that I am too much for everybody. And my mother, she pushes me on a daily basis, right? Doesn't matter where we are she she pushes me. So that's probably where that comes from, I would imagine, right? So it's really invited me to look at what gets shushed in me when that happens. And it's been a really rich, beautiful journey to kind of keep discovering that, right? Because it's no point me trying to figure out why she does it and feels the need to do it. It's probably a protective mechanism for me as well. Right? That's her journey, right? I need to keep the focus on me and what that does to me and what that brings out in me, right? So went, when I felt like when I realized that the I'm too much story wasn't the opposite of I'm not enough. They're two sides of the same coin, or they sit right there. It's part of the same story. The I'm too much is the same as I'm not enough. I'm not right, I'm not acceptable. The way that I am the way that I'm showing up in the world who I am just like me, I told you that story in episode one about me deciding I was going to change my name when we moved to Singapore, because I thought that would fix everything for me, right? But where I was getting bullied at school, and all of a sudden, I wouldn't be bullied because I had a different name. And realizing that that wasn't actually the case. But it's been it's been really interesting to that that whole, I'm not enough strain how that manifests and plays out in my life. So I invite you to look at that as well. How does that play out in your life? And how does that affect whether you take action and go after the things that you want in your life? What's holding you back? Right? You know, we can say this, you know, everybody says this about you know, that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness, ask for help get it that makes you stronger, you know, but you've got to pick your people wisely, like I was talking about. In the last episode, you got to be discerning about who you spend time with. And the mirror, as you're looking into the messages that you're buying into the information where you're getting your information, you've got to be really, really discerning. Right? You got to really pick those people wisely. Right? So again, I would invite you to, to be picking people that are giving you credible, solid fact based information. That's leading you to see yourself and your capacity as infinite, as beautiful as something that is valid and worthy. And again, that people want to hear what you have to say, right? It has to be made has to be made that tells this story. Nobody's going to tell the story exactly the way that you would nobody. Because they're not you. Just like, nobody's me, right. You know, I think about I'm thinking about an example in my program, right? Like, a lot of people will will say to me, Well, you could run this program on your own right, because anytime I ask you a nutrition question, you know the answer, and I do, I'm very knowledgeable about health and nutrition. I'm very well read about this stuff, right. But I don't have a medical license. I haven't studied this. I haven't worked for years and years and years and become an expert like a dietitian has for example, which is why I have a team of dietitians, and why I think they are the number one people that should be helping you about food and nutrition. Because they study they're the medic, like you go to a cardiologist for hot issues. Well, a dietitian is the medical practitioner that's trained in a hospital with other doctors and specialists. And they eat, sleep and breathe, how to use food as a functional tool for better health. I'm a huge fan of these people. When you're assembling your medical team. I highly recommend you have a GP a general practitioner, your general doctor, and after you get your blood work done every year, you go and see a dietitian, even if it's once a year to say here's what my bloodwork told me. Here's my health status. Here's what I'm doing right now. What can I be doing to tweak it to reach those health goals that my doctor told me I need to be watching out for? Right? It's just a really smart thing to do. I mean, why wouldn't you if you wanted to get healthy and you wanted to use food to help you get healthy, which we all have to do? Why wouldn't you want to have access to somebody who is the expert in that Who knows about nutrition and macronutrients and healthy fats and what to do for this disease or that disease, or how to achieve this health goal or that health goal, just like you would go to an exercise specialist, if you wanted a workout routine, just like you would go to an endocrinologist, you know, if you had diabetes, I mean, you know, we go to the people that have the knowledge, right and have the most knowledge. And it's, it's still astounding to me that the average doctor has half a day of nutrition training, some countries, it's one day, one day, or less than one day to know about food. So the average doctor now integrative doctors, and, and that kind of stuff, if you may have a doctor that's chosen to go and do additional study, and really learn about this stuff and know about this stuff, that's a different story. But the average doctor or surgeon or specialist, whoever knows very little about food, like they know the basics, but a dietitian really knows about all the nutrients and what different foods do in the body and different nutrients and why you need them and gut health and all the things right. So it's just that's just one example of making sure that you're going and getting your information in a place that's really going to arm you with what you need to take action on your it has to be me, right? So, you know, going back to this support piece. There's something magical. That happens when you believe in yourself, you start with this belief, you decide it has to be me, you go and resource yourself and you get the information. But the belief in the information only gets you so far. Again, like I was saying on a previous episode, if information was all we needed, we'd all Google ourselves to get everything that we wanted. That's not how it works, right? We need support. And we need community in order to apply that information, utilize that information, understand that information.

Make it work for us come up with a strategy, a plan in order to have the transformation in order to reach the goal, right, because left to our own devices, we kind of just meander, don't we? We're sort of shiny object people. And we get easily distracted, we make up all kinds of excuses. Right, we sabotage us and all the stuff I've been talking about on all these episodes, right? So it's the accountability, and the implementation that we need help with, right? And I would, I would also say that belief in yourself, we all need help for that too, right? Because often all the work in the world or the therapy in the world, all the self actualization and work, we still need to talk it through with a friend, sometimes we still need to be in community and be in relationship with others. And that's what watching movies, being at events, having experiences is how we make sense of the world, right? This is how we learn and grow. Like, we would go mad if we were on an island by ourselves for the rest of our lives, right? We need that stimulation, we need that connection. And so, you know, gosh, and in this era, we are all on information overload, right? They use the term info obesity, right? We're just so overloaded with information, we have access to so much information, but it's the support and the accountability that really helps you apply and utilize that information. Right? When I was talking about this, I mean that that really that's that's one of the reasons why my particular program, my six day reset, and my 14 day cleanse are structured the way that they're structured, right? So you get, you know, you get a login and password, you get lifetime access to all of this incredible nutrition information and recipes and meal plans and all of this cool stuff, tons of videos and all sorts of resources, like information if you want information, my goodness, right? I'm a big information gather, right? So it's all there, log in anytime you want for the rest of your life and have access to this whenever you want. But the support component, the live support, is what makes the difference. It's absolutely what makes the difference. Not only what I was talking about on some of the previous episodes about that personalized nutrition component, where you'll get help from the dieticians, you'll get a personal evaluation will help you figure out exactly how to use which tools and where for your particular situation and health goals and family life and whatever. But it's that community. It just means so much and it is so powerful. So, you know, we're very fortunate in our community that it's a very loving, very supportive community. And everybody celebrates and elevates each other. It's really pretty magical and such a privilege to be a part of and facilitate. And we have over a 70% retention rate in the 60 day reset so people that do it once will come back as well. turned member, and they will do another cycle at some point in their life, right? It's very, very high. And you know, I believe in making data driven decisions. So we want to know why that is right. And of course, it's that people want to build on their result, they feel so incredible, they want to keep keep feeling incredible. They want to solidify it, they want to make the new healthy practices, habits and all that stuff. But the other big reason is people want access to the community, they want access to those office hours, they want access to those video calls. They want to be in conversation with the other people around the world that they they connect with. Right? And yes, people want access to me, they want access to our dieticians to Megan, etc. But it's so often the other people as well as my coaching, for example, but it's the whole package. Right? That sense of being seen, being valued, being heard, feeling connected, feeling like you belong, right. And I think also, that understanding that feeling in your body that I was talking about when you start to get results, and you start to go, Yeah, I'm in the right place, right. And this is really working for me, and I'm feeling really good about this and really safe. You know, you want to you want to stay in that place. Right. So that that makes sense, right? So I'm sure you can, you're probably thinking of an example right now, as I'm saying this about about times where you felt like that, whether it's your church group, whether it's a class at university, whether it's a mother's group, whether it's an office setting, you know, with your colleagues, you know, that that sense of belonging is just so important. We crave it, right? Yeah, we do. It's just a, it's to me, it's a non negotiable part of myself care, and definitely a mandate in our company, right, that, that celebrating and elevating others, you know, and meeting people where they're at, that's a really important part of it has to be me as well, right? Something that's coming up for me that I want to mention, I don't want to forget to talk about this. In this final, you know, kind of episode with me before we start interviewing other people about there has to be me moments, is something that comes up every week without fail. In my office hours is this guilt, this guilt about spending time on you the guilt about spending time on self care, and particularly as women now there are men that are in my community as well. But particularly as women, we're nurturers, we're conditioned in society, you know, to be the, you know, we're the We Are the party that gives birth, right? And we're mothering and we're nursing and nurturing. And that's just just part of the divine feminine and the female as well. They're different things, right. But but this this guilt, that it's, well, I'm cooking for just me, or well, that feels indulgent, that feels a bit hippie dippie. Like, that's not a good use of time. Well, it's selfish, I should be doing things for other people, right? Well, being selfish, and putting your own mask on before assisting others is the least selfish thing that you can do. Because looking after yourself, and attending and knowing yourself and being strong and healthy, allows you to show up and have more capacity to be present for others to love others, you're actually able to give more, when you have more to give when you're filling up your own tank and your tank is full, right? Are you are you satisfied? You've got just enough, right? Here's an example. Would you want okay, if you were going to go and have surgery? And would you want the doctor who's been up for 48 hours and has eaten bad food and feels absolutely exhausted and can't concentrate? And his hands are shaking to operate on you? Because he hasn't invested in self care? Or do you want the guy that's been eaten a really great meal is alert has slept really well? Yeah, I want that person. I want that person operating on me. Right? So it's the same thing for anything that you're doing, whether the operating in inverted commas is just sitting and talking to somebody where the operating is helping somebody move their couch, you know, when they're moving house with whether they're showing up it can be anything, but the operating needs to be with some fuel in the tank, right? And we fuel and nourish ourselves different ways. It can be food, it can be exercise, it can be spiritual spirituality, it can be all the things right but we've got To be, we've got to be doing that, you know, there's a really beautiful woman in our community, Karen. And she came into the 60 day reset, and the week we started, she got diagnosed with breast cancer, it was a shock as it is to to anybody, right? That diagnosis is a shock. It is heartbreaking. It's terrifying. It's all the things. And I was so inspired by how she chose to do it, because, okay, I just want to let you know, this has happened. My oncologist, my doctor, you know, assembling my medical team, they're gonna formulate a strategy for my treatment and care. I've told them that I'm making some few changes. They it all sounds great. I can do both together. And please, can you support me? We went? Absolutely. So she just dove in and decided to use that cancer diagnosis as a wake up call, that it was her body saying you've got to invest in self care of every kind. And so for the past three years, she has been in our community, just blossoming. Like, I can't even tell you, It's so thrilling. And so not only did she completely recover, and she's now a cancer thriver and her doctors literally asked her, What did you do to get results so quickly, this is extraordinary, the healing, I mean, how thrilling and beautiful. What you do when you put medicine and good eating together? It's miraculous.

But what ended up happening was this flow on effect that I was talking about in some of the other episodes about how using the food and the self care and the healing physically was an invitation for her to look at the other ways that she wasn't taking care of herself. She wasn't valuing speaking up for herself and using her voice and investing in her she was taking care of her husband and children and grandchildren and, and this belief that she came last. And through this whole process, she's realized that she can do both. And so can you and so can I that finding that balance of self care and care for others is the ultimate goal in life. Right just like finding the balance between self care and fun right you know, so often I talked about this you know on previous episodes how saying yes, often comes accompanied by with a No in fact, I'm gonna say it always does right? Because you can't say yes to everything you've got only so many yeses and only so many noes. And I don't know about you, but I have a really hard time saying no, I mean, it is uncomfortable for me I do not feel comfortable. I it is it is it's really really hard for me. So thankfully, you know, I have agents around the world that can be the gatekeeper and say no to professional opportunities that I don't want to do or can't do or whatever. And I'd have to feel like the bad person. They say to me all the time, just let us be the bad person. It's fine. Not even that it's not even bad. But you know, it's just a saying. So I think often as human beings we feel guilty saying no, I certainly my default position is well if I can I should if I can I want to because I want to be generous you know, when you get give when you learn teach, like I should be a free and open vessel for anybody that wants to come and drink from my Well, right? Well, it's just simply not possible. There are only so many hours in the day there is so much only so much energy in my tank. There's only so many hours I can be awake before I have to sleep or I'm gonna die. Right. And but it still was even though I know that I have to say no to things. It was still really difficult for me and remains difficult but I'm getting so much better at it because again, you are what you practice so I'm practicing a lot more. And my friend Kadir really helped me see the practice of saying no in a different way. So I'll give this to you because it's gold. She said to me, you know, when you when you're not able to give a full throated? Yes. You owe it to yourself and the other person to take your yes off the table. It is the loving thing to do for everybody because if you're not able to give a full throated energetic yes with all of your being and you know that you want to be there with your yes and you're coming with 100% of you. You're doing the other person a disservice. That's actually disrespectful and not loving. So when you take your week yes, you're I really want to give it yes I really can't give a yes off the table. It allows and frees the person up to go and get a yes from the person that really can give that incredible full throated energetic yes And and she said any other piece of it is that most people expect busy people to say no, most people are coming expecting you to say no, they're not thinking you're a bad person, if you say no. That's that's your thinking that that's not what the majority of people are thinking. And if they are thinking that that's on that's about their internal journey, not about you, because if you give a no, with respect, and kindness, and clear communication, I don't know if someone can really hate you for that. Right. So, you know, as I've said, in some of the other episodes, part of leaning into your, it has to be me, and really going, Yeah, you know, and going after it is saying no. And finding a way to reconcile that and celebrate that, you know, I'm gonna go back to what I was saying before about this idea of these little micro, it has to be mean moments, having a domino effect, having a ripple effect. And making room for the really big. It has to be moments, those pivotal moments that are going to really be life changing, even though all those micro moments are life changing, because we are what we repeat, we are what we do, we are the sum of our habits, right? We are what we practice, as I've been saying, right? So the reason why again, I'm gonna go back to this food piece is because we're all doing it every day. But the domino effect, the snowball effect, the cumulative effect of making those better choices, and then by extension, enabling yourself and, and empowering yourself to make better choices in all aspects of your life by being clear and stronger. Right? It leads to huge things, right? So part of it has to be me is using your voice. So I've been using this phrase, and in all of these episodes, people want to hear what you have to say. They do. And I would add, people need to hear what you have to say they need to hear it for their own development, but so they can be in relationship and give you what you want and need, right? We think the people in our lives are mind reader's right. And I like to think of it as like shorthand or longhand, like when we've known someone a long time when we've been in the same family, we tend to go to longhand, we make assumptions. And then we assume that they know what to give us. And then when we get we get upset and resentful when they don't give us what we need. When we haven't actually clearly communicated what we need. We got sorry, we're going to shorthand. Well, I've become a really big fan of longhand. And so longhand would go something like this, where if somebody says something to me, and I'm like, what, and it's like stirring something up in me, I'm like, hang on, can I just clarify when you say that? This is what I'm hearing? Is that what you mean? Oh, gosh, okay, thank you, right. And often it's not, or I might have the wrong end of the second, sometimes it is, and I need to be clear, and I need to hear that, you know, likewise, so So another example that I can think of off the top of my head is when somebody comes with a problem, often we immediately going to fix it, they expect me to fix it, they expect me to give advice and come up with a solution. Sometimes, they just want to be with somebody, and just to be held just to be listened to. And so often now, I will say to somebody, what do you need from me right now. So this happened the other day, where I had a friend who was going through a really terrible time, there's been a death in the family. I got the call, I drove over there. And you know, understandably, so she was a mess. You know, she was extremely upset. We were kind of lying on the bed together. It was it was, you know, we were just right in the mess of it right in the shock of it. And I said, What do you need from me? And she goes, You know what, I just need to know that you're in the house somewhere. I actually want to be alone right now. And I just want to see if I can sleep, but I just need to know that you're here if I need you. So I said done. I can do that. Right. But if I hadn't have asked, I may have continued talking gotten in her face, and she may not have wanted to tell me that she needed to be alone because because I wish she would offend me and I driven over there or whatever, you know. And so I'm a big fan of longhand. Right? So

I want to ask you, are you using your voice to ask for what you need? Because that helps you not only determine your it has to be me, but go after it when it presents itself to you. Right? I'm going to saying in my community be a lion, not a mouse, right? I ask for what you need. Why is the lion the king of the kingdom, because he takes what he wants and roars right now doesn't mean that you, you take what you want at the expense of others and that kind of stuff. But you ask for what you need, you use your voice, right? And self care and self love and narcissism are not the same thing. Often that gets confused in society, they're not the same thing. You can absolutely ask what you need, and at the same time, give other people what they need. Absolutely, that's boundaries, right? That we and we negotiate that. And those boundaries are fluid. And that in the space between, you know, ourselves and another person changes, right, that's a healthy relationship. It remains fluid, not static, right. So there is this lovely woman in our community, Jan. And she joins my cooking club during COVID. So I started this cooking club during COVID. Because for the first time, you know, after prior to COVID, I was gone for two or three weeks of every month, I was hardly ever home. I was speaking all over the world. I was training people I was appearing at things I was on booktube. I mean, it was all over the place. I was on shooter I was recording things. I was hardly ever home. And so the shutdown, the lock downs, were an opportunity for me to sleep in my own bed for two years, right? It was actually this incredibly restorative, wonderful time, it was horrible and shocking. And limit all the things we know we were all in the lock downs, right? We all went through the pandemic. And some people emerged better for it and decided, I'm going to resource myself and I'm going to use what's here for me, and I'm going to figure this out. And other people really, really struggled with it. And it's causing all kinds of flowing effects as we know, right? For me, I'm an introvert. So it was a really restorative time for me, I spent a lot of time reflecting and a lot of time creating. And so I opened this cooking club on a Tuesday. And all of these people around the world we'd all be in our kitchens cooking the same recipe at the same time. It was so much fun. So much fun. And Jan joined the cooking club. And she was sitting on Zoom and I could see her and she just sat there. And this went on week after week after week she sat there. She didn't ask a question. She didn't say anything. She was just smiling. She looked very pleasant. But she never said anything. And so of course, I made it about they were against the Four Agreements. Don't take it personally. I was like, oh, gosh, she's not having a good time. She thinks this is awful. Why isn't she saying anything? So she she moves into cooking club into the 60 day reset. And I really start to get to know her. And she wasn't saying anything. Because she and by the way, she didn't have to say anything. That was the other piece of it. Like you can just sit there in silence and not say anything. That's perfectly acceptable, right. But I was projecting it as she wasn't having fun, right and making it about me. So ridiculous. Which we all do, don't we? Anyhow, as I got to know her better, and we're going through the first cycle of the six day reset, because she's now been in the community for over three years now and became a yearly member and really is hanging the shiny land. And for so many people in our community now it's really beautiful. But in the beginning, you know, she said, what I've been saying, for the last few episodes. Well, I I really loved the cooking club is what she said. And I said really? I said, Oh, gosh, she never said anything. I was wondering if you were having a good time. And she was Oh, I loved it. She said, I'm just really shy. And everybody seemed to know each other and know about some of the stuff and I just always feel like people don't want to hear what I have to say. It's been a theme in my life. And and I think it's really held me back. And you know, of course, so many people on the call, just want me to I feel that way too.

You're not alone. Oh my goodness, I feel that way all the time. And I do to myself included. I said, Oh, I hear you I can feel like that. But you appear so confident test. I said well, I'm leading the class, I have to show up like that, right? I mean, you know, and I'm comfortable in that domain, right? That's my domain. But if you put me over in, I don't know. Okay, I'll give you a silly example. If you want me to help you assemble Ikea furniture. It's not happening, right? My brain doesn't work that way. I could not assemble an Ikea bookshelf. If you put a gun to my head. It's just not gonna happen. Right? And other someone else will go that's so easy to as common that's ridiculous, right? But it's just I'm hopeless at it. Right? So I would feel very inadequate in that circumstance. And I would hire somebody to put that together for me just saying right I would resource myself ask for support. But anyway, as it's been really incredible she Kate Jen came in with with with some health concerns, right? Her whole family has diabetes. You know, there's all kinds of health issues and she wanted to regulate her blood sugar. She wanted to lose weight she wanted To keep it off, she wanted to regulate her triglycerides, high blood pressure, her cholesterol, she wanted to sleep better have energy lose inflammation, she just wanted to feel good about herself in her 60s. And so all of that happened, she regulated her blood sugar, her fasting blood sugar, she, you know, lowered her triglycerides, I think by 50 points or something, she lost all this weight, she's maintained it for years now, really empowered, cooking, loving it, all the things, I mean, amazing. But this domino effect. And this flow on effect has been really powerful, and has been really potent for some other people in our community. So flash forward, she did this beautiful video testimonial for the program, you can actually see it at 26 e.com. It's so beautiful. And she talked about how I thought I was entering a food program and was going to learn about nutrition and eating. And this is you'll see this if you if you do take the time to go and look at some of these testimonials. A lot of people talk about this right about I thought I was going to learn how to eat and about food and nutrition and lose some weight or whatever. And I realized that it was about empowerment, that it was it was going to have a flow on effect to every single aspect of my life. And yeah, that's why I do what I do, right. As a coach, it's really thrilling. And she closed with something so beautiful, which was this, I've realized that people want to hear what I have to say, and I'm using my voice and at 65. I finally feel like I'm starting to bloom who was so beautiful. And so on an office hours after that this same thing kept coming up and she was on the call and somebody else in the community was struggling with that theme that she had really moved through. And so I asked her to share some of her story. And she did. And it was really interesting. There's always a theme every week, it sort of just emerges from the different shares. And that theme was about opening about, people want to hear what you have to say. And there was another member who's also a yearly member Christie, who was she's a personal trainer, and an exercise instructor and a fitness instructor. And she was starting her own business. And she had created this logo and she wanted to show everybody and it was a lotus opening. It was basically a flower blooming. And I mean, it was so in simpatico, right, that was a beautiful image for everybody to hold that week on that particular conversation right of just this. staying open and seeing yourself as someone that is constantly in bloom, even if you have a period of hibernation, even if you are contracting, but you're still opening at the same time, right? It's all the things you're not one thing or another you're not, you're not good or bad or dark, low or high or dark or light or whatever, that we can hold it all at the same time. And that you have the capacity to hold it all you have the capacity to hold your it has to be me. And you owe it to yourself to hold it and keep holding it right. As I sit on one of the other episodes the fear of failure, I think is so much easier than the fear of then living with the regret the pain of regret the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda the Why didn't I do that? What would have happened if I hadn't done that. I don't want to leave with what ifs. I just don't want to, I want to know. And you know what, if it's not the right move for me, and I want to go in a different direction, then I'm going to know. And if there's no losing, there's only winning and learning then I'm gonna keep learning and I'm gonna keep growing. And I'm gonna keep showing up. And I'll do rinse and repeat. I'm going to keep doing it, you know, and it's going to run the gamut. There's going to be highs lows, it's going to be middle notes, there's going to be bitter, sweet, salty, wet, cold, warm, hot, dry, it's gonna be all the things right? But that is what makes life so rich and incredible. And we want to take it by the balls and just suck the marrow out of it man we get one life one, I mean depending on what your spiritual beliefs are or whatever we could have that conversation to the day is long, but in this particular physical body right now, one life and this is not a dress rehearsal. This is the real deal. This is the main event, you are the leading person in your story. So make it count. It has to be me, right? So you are never too old to dream dreams do not have an expiry date action does not have an expiry date until you You are dead. The end in this physical body is death. Right now again, depending on your spiritual beliefs, life continues, but in this physical body, this body, it's death. It's not over till it's over. Right? So you get to decide and this is why this food piece is so critical because everything constellated around this if you don't eat well exercise, look after yourself. Practice self care, love yourself, be in community, choose your people wisely or decide it has to be me decide it doesn't have to be me. All the things I've been talking about. Here living someone else's life, and you're gonna live with the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda the what ifs. It breaks my heart for you. So decide, it has to be me, show up for yourself, it is never too late to be better, never too late to make a different choice. Never too late to change your mind. Never too late. It's never too late. So I'm going to close with the mantra of my community in skinny 60. And the 60 day reset and my 14 day cleanse, we took it over into the decadent detox because it resonated with so many people in skinny 60 is we've got a we've got a mantra of good, better, best, good, better, best not perfect, right? That there is no such thing as perfection. And if you are chasing perfection, you're in a fool's errand because it doesn't exist, you're never going to be satiated. The perfection is in the imperfection, right? So it's in the learning, it's in the growing it's in the messy it's in the gray, it's in the black and the white, it's in the all of the things right. And so when just all aiming to make the next better choice, and then we make another one. And then you make another one, I make another one, we make another one together, right. So just aim to make the next better choice. Lean into the next it has to be me, go after it. Be in your own story, relish it, learn from it grow from it. And ah, I can't wait to hear your story. So please share it and go to it has to be made.com forward slash stories, sharing in our community join the conversations that we're having about these episodes. I'm so excited to start these interviews now and introduce you to some of these extraordinary people that have really changed my life. Or I've watched from a distance change other people's lives and do incredible things in the world. So let's just dive into these stories and listen to the it has to be me moments from these people and the tools that they use to pick themselves up when they're not sure about things, how they stay connected to themselves and to others how they make sense of the world. What do they do when something goes spectacularly wrong?

What do they do? And how do they learn when something goes spectacularly right, whatever it is, right?

That's the thing about stories. They they touch us. They are invitations to look at ourselves through the eyes and through the lens of someone else's experience. And that's why I love podcasts so much. And so join me next week where we will start diving into somebody else's story. And hopefully we'll be able to steal some of their strategies. And you'll be able to recognize yourself in some of some of these stories to go after your next it has to be me