GIVEAWAY: We've got some epic prizes to celebrate that we've released 50 episodes... and we're just getting started!

*Grand prize: A Year-Long Subscription to the Entire Entrusted with a Child's Heart video series

*2 Copies of the Entrusted with a Child's Heart book for couples and a Scripture Memory CD

*2 Winners will receive the "Every Day Before You Say" Chart Pack.

Here's how to enter:

1. Write a review of the Again podcast on your favorite listening platform. Take a screenshot. (2 points)
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***Winners will be chosen on September 10th. We can't wait to hear from you!

(Winners must be in North America.)

Scripture Referenced in Episode:

Psalm 126:5-6

Psalm 127:1

They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

2

exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

3

So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

4

So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

5

to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

6

We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

7

confusion and overwhelm we feel.

8

Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

9

Welcome back to the again,

podcast from entrusted ministries.

10

I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

11

And today we're going to get a lot

deeper than we have been lately.

12

We've had some fun this summer,

staying on the surface with topics like

13

laundry, cleaning and meal planning.

14

But you know us and we can't

stay there for too long.

15

And today's episode, we're going

to talk about the transition

16

to teen and tween years.

17

And how do we adjust our

parenting as our kids get older?

18

We want it to look differently

than the world promises.

19

It has to be.

20

We know there's a better way.

21

And we just want to hold on

to our children's hearts.

22

But what does it look

like as you're easing up?

23

When they get to older ages?

24

You might be in the toddler years

and be tempted to skip past this.

25

But I promise you want to start

planting these seeds in your heart.

26

So that you're prepared for the

transition when it comes in your home.

27

And if you are there, we hope this

will be healing bomb to your soul.

28

As Betsy met me in my brokenness

to encourage me that the

29

work I'm doing onto the Lord.

30

Continues to matter.

31

And is bearing fruit.

32

This conversation will discuss

the overarching principles

33

of raising older children.

34

But it also discusses practical topics.

35

Like, what about their music choices?

36

Do we allow them to select a

different music than we'd prefer?

37

What about their rooms?

38

Do we let it be messy

because they're older.

39

We touched on that a little bit

in the cleaning episode, but we're

40

going to continue to talk about it.

41

Under the umbrella of easing up our grip.

42

And one is too far.

43

When do we give consequences?

44

part one of that conversation

is coming up next.

45

But first that giveaway

I promised you is here.

46

To celebrate the fact that we

have completed 50 episodes and

47

we are just getting started.

48

We want to offer you some amazing gifts

for being such fantastic listeners.

49

We truly appreciate your support.

50

And we hope that you are being energized

to run the race with endurance.

51

We think being a mom is

the vest Java on earth.

52

But we also know that it's pretty

exhausting, so we hope you're

53

renewed by the words of this podcast.

54

And we can't wait to bring you more.

55

For our grand prize, we are going to

give a free year long subscription

56

to entrusted with a child's

heart, the entire video series.

57

If you've been wanting to take this

study and wishing you had someone

58

near you doing it now is your chance.

59

You can bring it to your church if

you win or you could start your own

60

home group, or you could just ask

a friend to do it with you, but it

61

can be right in your living room.

62

Next we're giving away two copies of

the couples book and trusted with the

63

child's heart and a scripture memory CD.

64

And next to two winners,

we're going to give away.

65

The every day before you say chart pack.

66

It is a full two year supply.

67

And I am telling you, this is my

favorite system in our home, and

68

it's my kids' favorite system.

69

It's incredibly motivating.

70

And it really helps you target

character in a unique way.

71

But not only will you get bet chart pack.

72

You'll also get a fridge inventory

checklist pad, so you can get your

73

fall kicked off to a great start.

74

we've got four great prizes.

75

And now for the details.

76

There are going to be

three steps to enter.

77

Number one, write a review of our podcast

on your favorite podcast platform.

78

Take a screenshot and

save that for a second.

79

Next.

80

Share about the podcast

on Facebook or Instagram.

81

You can link our podcast and tell

your friends, why you like to

82

listen and how it's encouraged you.

83

Perhaps share your favorite episode.

84

Then take a screenshot of that.

85

Next.

86

You're going to email those as well

as tell us what episode topics you'd

87

like for us to cover in the future.

88

And you can even throw

in a listener question.

89

I'll explain all that again and tell you

where to send that information in the show

90

notes you've got until September 10th.

91

To get.

92

To get that checklist completed.

93

We can't wait to send those prizes

out to some really deserving mamas.

94

And now it's time for that deep dive

into the transition to parenting.

95

In the teen and tween years.

96

Aunt Betsy, I'm getting the rare

treat of being in your presence.

97

We used to live close and got

to see each other regularly.

98

And I got to ask you questions

as they would come up.

99

And it's been a long time.

100

Betsy: Yeah, we used to see

each other very regularly.

101

We lived so close.

102

Yes.

103

And now, not so close.

104

Stephanie: That was a huge blessing.

105

So I'm going to be like a fire hose.

106

of questions, probably, and have been,

so we figured we should hit record.

107

I'm thinking of questions that I feel

are a little fuzzy right now that

108

I could use some clarity on as I'm

reaching new ages and stages with

109

my kids and loosening the reins in

some areas, but also just discerning.

110

Is it character issues?

111

Is it ability?

112

Different things.

113

And so these are questions that I

have or even questions I've heard

114

coming up in circles recently.

115

One thing is I'm always trying

to be consistent and faithful.

116

Sometimes, especially as my kids are

getting older, it feels like I'm being

117

nitpicky or Things that I know we've

talked about so much and these aren't

118

like a black and white issues, obviously,

119

Betsy: Nitpicky is such

an interesting word.

120

When you really look at it and think about

it and think about the origin of it, it's

121

Stephanie: it's

122

Betsy: really don't want to be nitpicky.

123

But do reach that stage where

we think, I have been pitied.

124

teaching you this.

125

We've been working on this

and I think we've got it down.

126

And then all of a sudden it seems

like kids throw it all out the

127

window and you're starting over.

128

And that happens pretty much

around the junior high or later

129

middle grades, middle school years.

130

And there is a truth to backing

off a little bit for kids.

131

So if it's a, obviously a moral issue or

a biblical conviction, as we define it

132

in entrusted, we are steadfast in those.

133

And so we keep those no matter what.

134

And those are issues of, the

sanctity of life All those

135

kinds of serious moral issues.

136

The second one is the personal

convictions, which we can flex on.

137

But we live in understanding.

138

Still, they are personal family standards.

139

That kids should follow in the

house because you as mom and

140

dad have decided these are the

things that are important to us.

141

These are further applications

of biblical convictions.

142

And so this is how our

house is going to be.

143

So when they say so and so does this

differently at their house, we can say,

144

but this is how we do it this is what mom

and dad decided is best for our family.

145

And then going back again to the

Which is personal preferences.

146

Those are issues we really can flex on.

147

And as long as they're not dominating the

child's they're just becoming something.

148

They're idolizing something.

149

It's taken an inordinate sort

of control of their lives.

150

If it's something that's not

really controlling them, they want

151

to experiment with hair color.

152

They want to, double pierce their

ears, these kinds of things.

153

It's within the parents, judgment

to ease up on these things.

154

But as far as other issues that we

think, like Keeping their bedroom neat.

155

This is a huge one.

156

So how much do we You know, keep

feeling like we're harping on this,

157

that we keep saying, you need to

make your bedroom neat, keep your

158

bedroom neat, or make your bed.

159

I feel like this is the time of life

you can ease back off on those things

160

and let them see how much they need

to be have internalized how much they

161

do because they like the result of it.

162

They might say I really don't care if

my bed is made and you can say okay

163

but at a certain point You need to

make your bed at a certain, every two

164

weeks we change the sheets that the

bed needs to be made or whatever it is.

165

In fact, we Did podcast about

how to clean your room or what

166

expectations to have, if any.

167

And yes, I think you have to

have some, because after all,

168

we always say it is your bed.

169

And you want people to respect

property and kids not to just

170

take things so for granted.

171

So there's a limit there to their

freedom in their, even in their own

172

little living space in their bedrooms.

173

But Going back again, I refer often to

this continuum in the Entrusted Notebook

174

that talks about the parent's role, the

child's role, and a desired outcome.

175

And we talk so much in Entrusted

about those first years,

176

and it's broken down into

177

different phases of life.

178

And the first one is zero to

five when they're learning

179

how to live under authority.

180

And the second phase is

they're being more trained.

181

In other words, they're learning.

182

Obedience rather than consequences to

disobedience and of course I'm saying this

183

really fast but the third one and it hits

around the ages of 13 to 20 and that's

184

not a set age of course kids vary very

much But you're teaching more by guidance.

185

There's so much less

authority, more guidance.

186

And they're learning to respect you and

your rules, and honor their parents.

187

And they're growing in character.

188

So character isn't something we

necessarily discipline for, but

189

it does come at some points where

you do have to give consequences.

190

I think we could elaborate on that a

little bit more, but I think the main

191

point we want to make here is that you do

ease up a little bit in those years on the

192

things, certainly on the things you can

flex on, which are personal preferences,

193

but also in the decisions in their life.

194

So I'm going to let you decide how

to spend this money and let's see if

195

you spend it wisely or not and then

come back and we'll have a discussion.

196

Or you make this decision.

197

You make this big decision and then

we'll discuss it and see how it went.

198

You're giving them the freedom,

even the freedom to fail, but those

199

are great learning experiences.

200

If

201

we constantly expect or require that

they follow a certain, law or expectation

202

all the time, then we're really going

to raise people that are just externally

203

living for the Lord and not internally.

204

They have to learn how to make

mistakes and then we learn how to

205

respond to those mistakes, but in

a way that's helping them grow and

206

make the wiser decision next time.

207

So there's a lot less control.

208

in those years.

209

I hope that makes an

understanding for that little bit.

210

We can go into that so much

further, whatever question

211

that brings to your mind.

212

Stephanie: Sure.

213

It's always helpful to have these Reviews

because I feel like there are certain

214

principles in entrusted that I think I

have down so much and then all of a sudden

215

you realize, oh, I'm needing to apply that

to a new phase and really thinking about

216

the biblical convictions and the personal

convictions and that really, even as your

217

children are starting to own their faith,

that you're Personal convictions are still

218

trumping in your home that's helpful,

219

Betsy: I think what you're saying

is you're realizing that as your

220

children are growing up They may be

entering into this next phase and this

221

transition from the previous phases is

difficult, I it's a very common thing

222

for mothers to Be pretty stressed out

223

Stephanie: To their aunt?

224

To be pretty

225

Betsy: be pretty stressed out

about this transition and to but to

226

understand that really is a transition

Because we don't want to let go of

227

the control so much especially when

we see something that's not to the

228

standard that we really want it to be.

229

And so we learn how to flex there or

to give space to them to figure some

230

of these things out themselves that

aren't the, very serious life issues.

231

Yeah, you're coming into that right

now with your, the ages of your kids,

232

Stephanie: The boys definitely wanted new

shoes and talking through all of that.

233

What do we think about spending

that much on a pair of shoes?

234

And is that really all you want?

235

And let's talk about what that means.

236

And where is your heart in this decision?

237

And then also having the follow

up conversations of, Alright,

238

we're heading home from the store.

239

Nothing can satisfy you except Christ,

you might be excited about these shoes,

240

but it's downhill from here, right?

241

Like this.

242

And, but then to say, but

that's not true of the Lord.

243

And I guess shepherding them

through the new decisions.

244

It's that part has been really

fun to see the independence

245

Betsy: Sure, I can remember one

of my boys being at that age.

246

And by the way, they loved shoes then too.

247

It's just like boys.

248

I'll flip the switch from

Legos to shoes real fast.

249

And it's a real thing.

250

Anyway, this one of my sons, he had

all of his birthday money and he

251

wanted to spend it on baseball cards.

252

And so he spent it all on baseball cards.

253

And I was thinking, oh, don't

spend it all on baseball cards.

254

But it was his birthday money

and we allowed him to do that.

255

He spent it.

256

He opened up the cards He was so

disappointed and he was like, that

257

was a good lesson because he's I

will never do that again I think

258

he wished he bought some shoes,

of those things are good lessons.

259

You're not gonna always make what you

think at the time is It's so impulsive

260

and so important and so exciting.

261

You realize that is very short lived.

262

And so this is as hard as

it is to allow the kids the

263

space to make those decisions.

264

This is really the time

and place to do it.

265

And then what happens is we get caught up.

266

Caught up in some shockers Kids do

some things that aren't by the book and

267

you wonder how in the world Did this

child ever think that this was a good

268

idea or just be overtaken by impulse?

269

And do something so a little while ago we

were talking about some impulsive things

270

that kids do and how do we handle them?

271

It can be really hard to handle,

but the thing you don't want to do

272

is to think that everything you've

done up to that point in your

273

parenting has been, for naught.

274

You have to know that, everything we

do, the Lord brings fruit to it in time.

275

But we're going through this phase

where we don't have the apples yet,

276

especially through the tweens and teens.

277

We don't really see a lot of fruit yet.

278

We're still working, with the fertilizing

and pruning and all of that stuff.

279

And it gets a little intense, but

you don't think that the early

280

years that you put in and worked so

hard, so diligently are for naught.

281

There's a verse in Psalm 120 that says

I should look it up here real quickly.

282

Go ahead while I look it up.

283

I want to read it.

284

Cause it's one of my favorite

verses in this regard.

285

Stephanie: That's a good word.

286

It's I was sharing that, we had a

disappointing situation and it was very

287

hard, and then an hour later I got a

text about that same child and what an

288

incredible influence he was on someone's

child and that the parent noticed how

289

Be praised with passion and just worship

so amazingly and you realize that they

290

are works in progress just as I am just

as we all are in that this battle to

291

not be so overcome by the struggle, but

to have hope in the Lord for that fruit

292

to come and to be patient with it and

to thank God for bringing to light it.

293

Those hard things that they can be dealt

with well and even Teaching my child that

294

this is God's love for you that he brought

this to light that it couldn't go any

295

farther than this and that we can set up

some boundaries here And I think sometimes

296

As much as we talk about the inherent sin

nature of a child I think that there's

297

just still this part of you that views

them as innocent and you're trying to

298

protect them from certain things There's

certain times where it feels that, oh no

299

instead of continuing to see the hope of

redemption or the Lord working in them

300

Betsy: words of encouragement that

were given to you to make you realize

301

first of all, you're thinking is,

are we talking about the same person?

302

Stephanie: Uh Huh, right.

303

Betsy: you realize no,

there, I am seeing fruit.

304

I am seeing, the labor, the

work of my labor is paying off.

305

I see the Lord working

in my child's heart.

306

Those are such precious things

so that you don't lose heart.

307

But here's some verses from Psalm 126.

308

Verses 5 and 6 that I really love.

309

It says, Those who sow in tears

shall harvest with joyful shouting.

310

And one who goes here and there

weeping, carrying his bag of seed,

311

shall indeed come again with a shout

of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

312

So sometimes I think of those verses

in times of really difficult ministry

313

and we're sharing with people and

just doesn't seem like they are

314

understanding it or they're, or they're

just giving you a difficult time.

315

But I think it applies here to kids too.

316

Those who sow in tears, that's parents.

317

Shall harvest with joyful

shouting, like not just joy you

318

have to shout it out and yay!

319

And one who goes here and there weeping

and I just look at this person with

320

their bag of seed carrying his bag

of seed you know putting the seed out

321

there shall indeed come again With

a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves

322

with him, bringing his harvest, and

those can be your kiddos, your sheaves.

323

Lord's Word definitely tells us

that there will be a good outcome

324

to the work that we put in.

325

Not a promise of salvation, but a

reward for the work that we put in.

326

And hopefully that is salvation

and sanctification of our kids.

327

Stephanie: in.

328

And hopefully that is salvation

and sanctification of our kids.

329

In some of those moments, it's hard to

not pick that back up and not to feel

330

that, oh wait, but their sanctification

is on me again, even though I

331

don't think that's what I'm doing.

332

In a way, putting that pressure

on myself when really God

333

is faithfully drawing them.

334

And I can just be Faithful with pointing

them to Him and faithful with handling

335

the circumstances but I can't control

those hard outcomes like the Lord can.

336

Betsy: But then our theme verse

for Entrusted from Psalm 127.

337

Unless the Lord builds the

house, they labor in vain.

338

Who build it unless the

Lord guards the city.

339

The watchman keeps awake in vain.

340

There's such promise in there.

341

We really can't do anything

without the Lord's help.

342

but

343

This is a time of life where you

get to see the sanctification

344

in your kids play out.

345

You're not controlling the outcome

of everything that they're doing.

346

They're taking the responsibility

for themselves and as they're

347

growing this time, they're going

to learn that the more responsible

348

I am, the more privilege I have.

349

The less responsible I am,

the less privilege I have.

350

You're going to revoke privileges,

which would be the appropriate

351

consequences, when they aren't

responding in a particular way.

352

But let's look for a second at Character.

353

Character, you might say you're selfish

and you need to grow more in love.

354

That's the opposite of it.

355

Thinking of yourself

or thinking of others.

356

But it's not something

you would discipline.

357

It is something that you're trying through

life to direct them from an area of

358

selfishness to looking out for others.

359

But It's not necessarily a

discipline, a correction.

360

It's more a growth in their

hearts for that thing.

361

Stephanie: Sure.

362

Betsy: And, if you're a loving

person, it crowds out the

363

selfishness because we can't be both.

364

They're oil and water.

365

So if we are more loving to people,

we will automatically be less selfish.

366

And that's just something kids,

we're working with kids in, but

367

when they're not that, we don't

necessarily discipline them.

368

Except, If it gets to that point

of really being disobedient or

369

defiant or endangering a sibling or

whatever it is, then obviously it

370

went over the point, over that point.

371

Stephanie: Sure.

372

Yes.

373

My oldest doesn't have a phone yet, and

I keep saying, Tim, isn't it so great

374

that you have You know, because 14

would be the earliest we would allow it.

375

And I say, isn't it great that you

have another year to prove to us, that

376

you're ready for that responsibility?

377

And instead of him thinking,

oh, I can't have it for you,

378

I say, is your opportunity.

379

Show us that you're worthy.

380

And we don't guarantee it's coming at 14.

381

We say, if your character matches and

your integrity, show us that you're ready.

382

Then, that's something that

we would consider at 14.

383

And so I'm trying to.

384

frame that for him to see,

I have an opportunity here.

385

And we've also taught, Hey, that

driver's license, that doesn't

386

come automatically at 16 either.

387

You need to show us that you're going to

be safe for yourself and safe for others.

388

But speak a little bit to your

perspective on music, because I

389

find with my own son and then with.

390

Many others at this age, they're,

wanting to branch out and they

391

have their own personal style.

392

And maybe it's contrary to a

personal conviction that we have.

393

What is your position look like on

394

Betsy: that?

395

And I think we need to emphasize here

that your personal convictions can change.

396

You may have new information, new

understanding about something, and

397

your personal convictions can change.

398

They are not, thus saith the Lord,

they're, thus saith mom and dad.

399

So if mom and dad agree together and have

a, Common understanding and they say I

400

think we can you know, maybe we're gonna

allow them to listen to secular music I

401

think my point is that secular music in

no way rises to the level of Worshiping

402

the Lord which is the intent of music

to worship the Lord and give him glory

403

but Do we enjoy music of other sorts?

404

And do we have fun?

405

Do you dance in the

kitchen with your kids?

406

All of these things, sure.

407

But what, where are you

going to draw the line?

408

Stephanie: We know you're busy,

Mama, so we are truly grateful you

409

joined us for this episode of Again.

410

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

411

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

412

EntrustedMinistries.

413

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

414

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

415

world, and we want it for you, too.

416

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

417

from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

418

We're rooting for you.

419

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

420

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

421

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

422

Him, according to the grace of our God.

423

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

424

Amen.

425

Until we meet again.