What if our kids need less pressure to get everything right and more reminders that they are already deeply loved and created to matter?

What does it really take to help teenagers develop an authentic faith—and what if the answer isn't more rules, more pressure, or making sure they believe all the "right" things?

Brad Hauge has spent more than 20 years in youth ministry, walking alongside teenagers and helping them navigate faith, identity, anxiety, relationships, and the pressures of growing up. In this conversation, he and Willow talk honestly about what today's teenagers are facing, from academic expectations and social media comparison to anxiety, stress, and the constant need for validation.

Brad shares why he believes the church's most important ministry to teenagers isn't creating the coolest environment, but creating real relationships where young people feel known, valued, and safe enough to ask hard questions. He also challenges parents to rethink their expectations and focus less on achievement and more on who their kids are becoming.

You'll hear why Brad believes teenagers need space to wrestle with doubt, why forcing faith can backfire, and why parents don't have to panic when their kids question, stumble, or walk through seasons of uncertainty. His reminder? This is the long game. We don't have to manufacture our children's faith. We can trust that Jesus continues to pursue them.

If you're parenting a teenager, working with young people, or simply wondering how to help the next generation encounter Jesus in a meaningful way, this conversation will give you a fresh perspective—and plenty to think about.

Meet Brad Hauge

Brad has served in youth ministry for more than 20 years and currently serves as the Director of Student Ministries at First Presbyterian Church in Spokane, Washington. He is passionate about student empowerment, authentic faith, and creating spaces where teenagers can explore Jesus without having to pretend they have everything figured out.

Brad is also a husband and dad, a writer for the Youth Cartel, and a longtime advocate for investing in teenagers through meaningful relationships. His experience has given him a unique perspective on the anxiety, pressure, questions, and spiritual hunger today's teenagers are navigating.

Key Takeaways

• When your teenager feels overwhelmed by expectations: Learn why helping them discover who God created them to be matters more than pushing them toward achievement.
• When your child is questioning their faith: Resist the urge to panic or force certainty, and learn how honest conversations can actually strengthen trust.
• When you're worried your teen isn't "doing enough" spiritually: Remember that faith is a journey and that you are playing the long game.
• When teenagers are desperate for validation: Discover how freely giving them love and affirmation can help them know their worth isn't dependent on performance.
• When you want your kids to have an authentic faith: Learn why living a life that matters may speak louder than simply telling them what to believe.

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If you're worried that you're getting parenting wrong or that your child's faith isn't where you hoped it would be, take a breath. You don't have to manufacture their relationship with Jesus. Love them, listen to them, make space for their questions, and trust God with the long game.

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Welcome to the Collide Podcast. We're a growing community of everyday chicks colliding with Jesus in our mess, our pain, our joy, and our stories.

We value showing up as we truly are, so that's what you'll find here. Walls and masks being torn down so that we can allow Jesus to meet us where we truly are and hear about other women doing the same.

We can't wait to collide with you.

We need to know, what are our expectations for our kids? And are those coming from our own insecurities and what we hope our kids grow into? And are they totally missing the point of our own kids?

Like, Imago Day? Like, who God has created them to be? Like, have we ever had those kind of conversations with our kids?

Welcome to the Collide Podcast. I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of Collide, and today I'm so excited to have Brad Hauge on.

Brad and I used to do youth ministry together over 20 years ago, and now we're old fogies. But Brad is still doing youth ministry. He is rocking the long haul, loving kids for Jesus.

He's currently the director of student ministries at First Presbyterian Church in Spokane, Washington. And he has no shame about driving a minivan alongside his wife Sarah and their daughters, Jane and Alice.

He's a big fan of student empowerment, letting faith be messy, experimenting in ministry. He loves the Mariners and the belief that we're all worthy of love. He also writes for the Youth Cartel and slings beers at a local brewery.

And I promise you, by the end of this podcast, you are going to want to have Brad as your new best friend. Brad, thanks for hanging out with me today.

Thanks for having me. And also, that's a promise that I just cannot live up to.

Oh, but it's so true. I love you. I feel like I hardly ever get to see you, but just hearing your voice and talking to you gives me the biggest smile.

It's true. Well, good.

Yeah. Hey, you have served in youth ministry for so many years.

Yeah. I don't know what the most recent statistics is, but I think between two and three years is kind of average.

And when you hear someone around 5, then it's, like, rare these days, right?

You're like, whoa, you deserve an award.

Exactly right.

Why do you Think that is that people cut out of youth ministry so quickly.

I think because it's hard. It is actually a hard thing. It is so much more than simply playing dodgeball and like, I don't know, playing video games with kids.

So I think a lot of people jump into it right out of college or maybe they were like a high school student leader and they were offered the job and they think it's going to be the best thing in the world. And then they realize it's really hard and partnering with parents is really hard.

And they don't get much support from their senior pastors and they don't get paid any money at all. So I think the pressure of it just kind of kicks you out.

It's very rare to like have a really good support system in place with good training and financial support. Certainly denominations and such where they just see it as a stepping stone to being like a quote unquote real pastor.

Right. Like this is the thing you do before you can move up the ladder and become a legit pastor with exactly real salary and status.

It feels like almost a thankless job. And one where, because I used to be a youth pastor where you, you really have to engage kids well, but you also have to please parents.

And doing both those sometimes feels that's a lot.

It's a lot. And keeping a budget and cleaning up and. Yeah, it is a lot. And parents, they have like weird expectations sometimes. I remember when I.

We're gonna talk about that today, aren't we?

Yeah.

Like example I think of a lot is after I was at a church just for like a year, I got an email from a parent that my son's not having as much fun as I think he should. So we're just gonna have him go to Young Life now. I was like, great. I hope that that was a good fit. Yeah, yeah, it is.

It's a lot to balance expectations.

Or you'll get, you'll get emails from other parents saying, youth group's too fun. We need it to be more serious. We want our kids to memorize Revelation. And you're like, man, I can't please everyone.

So how many years have you been doing this?

Wow, that's. I mean, you're talking about 20, some 21 years. That's seven times how long the average youth pastor makes it.

I think the moral of the story is being in a cubicle working for an insurance company will drive you to do youth.

I felt my soul draining out of my rear end every day in my chair. I could just feel it.

Oh, my gosh, the visual image for all of us listening. That's just so much. But you are youth pastor, so warning everybody, this is going to be a good time. Hey, why do you think you made it this long?

I think two things. Firstly, I think this, like, the whole notion of calling, I think can be manipulated a lot.

But it was my sophomore year of high school when my youth pastor at the time was kind of taking me aside and asking for my opinion and saying, I think you'd be good at this.

And then just even throughout college, like, when I was volunteering with you and, I mean, when you left and even offered me and Monkey to take over for a little while and Monkey is a human. Monkey is a human, yes. But, like, it actually just felt like it was something I wanted to do, and that has never wavered.

So I've always found purpose in it. It felt like it has mattered, and that's a big deal.

And then secondly, I've been at First Press now for, gosh, 11, 12 years, and the support that I have from that church, from the leadership, from our senior pastor, obviously, doing this so long, I have relationships and friendships and mentors around the country that are regularly saying, I don't know another youth pastor in the country that has the support that you do. And so that's a huge. People are like, how long are you going to stay? At First Press, I was like, well, until I retire or until my boss retires.

And then we see who gets hired and if they'll give me the same kind of support and freedom. But the support and freedom I get is really incredible. And I have never felt like a stepping stone youth pastor.

I've always felt like a vital part of our city's ministry.

I love that so much. Hashtag, support your local youth pastors, people.

That's right. Yes.

Hey, you mentioned your high school youth pastor when you were in high school. Yeah. You are decades out of high school.

And you think back to that moment where maybe when he pulled you aside, he didn't think it was any big thing, but it was a moment that you're still hanging your hat on, you know, 25 years down the road. And now you probably have those moments with kids Too, where you're empowering them to begin to dream about what God could do through their lives.

How do you think about that and how, how is that kind of cool for you that you get to do for kids what he did for you?

Yeah, I actually do think about that regularly. One of, I guess, my personal values, but also just our ministry's values. And you even mentioned it in the little intro about empowering students.

We, we run everything. Every aspect of our ministry goes through students, whether you want to call them student leaders or whatnot, but literally everything.

What our space feels like, what our community values, what we even discuss. There's really nothing that happens without myself or my co workers grabbing a handful of students and being like, what do you think about this?

Put speak your wisdom into that. And whether that's one on one stuff or one on 30 kind of things.

Yeah, so we really do want to empower students, let them know that they have a voice, that they are capable of being wise, that they are capable of leading and all that kind of stuff.

So I do take that very seriously because I actually remember literally exactly where I was when my high school youth pastor pulled me aside and asked for my opinion on some stuff. So I do want to try to replicate that whenever possible.

Well, it gives such a sense of ownership. But also, if anyone knows how to invite teenagers to, you know, I use the language collide with Jesus.

If anyone knows how to invite them to do that, it's teenagers themselves. So I love that you're empowering them to be thinking about that. I would say at this point, you're an expert at walking alongside teens.

What are some of the struggles that you're seeing? Teenagers navigating?

Yeah, anxiety and stress, and anxiety and stress. And then probably a little more anxiety and a little more stress is what I would say. Yeah, with a little anxiety on top.

It's just such an overarching, like, man.

I was actually talking to my personal counselor a couple months ago, just talking about how hard things feel, and she had me do just this little mind experiment. She said, okay, take the last 15 years of ministry from year one to 10. How many kind of traumatic things did you have to deal with?

And I was like, kind of thought about it and I was like, yeah, there's three. There's a kid that died unexpectedly. There is X, Y and Z. And she goes, what about the last five years? And I got up to 17.

Just in terms of suicide attempts or people just completing suicide attempts or just complete mental breakdowns and the family and all that kind of stuff. So there is something in the culture that really has changed. And it's not just like, oh, kids these days don't know how hard we had it way back then.

It's just different. It's a different kind of hard. And it is a anxious and stressful kind of hard.

And yeah, those are the conversations, like, am I measuring up to what this person expects of me? My parents expect of me, my teachers? Am I worthwhile at all? Is a very constant conversation we have with kids these days.

Are you able in your own mind to locate what's causing some of this major anxiety and stress for them?

I mean, truly, it is different for each person, but a lot of it is like, yeah, the pressures. People feel pressure. One time I was talking to a peer and they were even just talking about school pressures and how every.

You have six or seven periods at school, and that's six or seven different bosses. And then you have your. Maybe your actual job boss, and then maybe your parents.

And so you have 10 adults you're trying to please that are asking different things of you every day. And then you got to be. I mean, things change.

Like when I was in high school, decades ago, as you said, we literally weren't allowed to take more than two AP classes because they thought it would be too much for us.

And now you have kids taking 4, 5, 6 AP classes that are higher demand, trying to get good grades to get into the right college, to get the right kind of job.

When they see everyone else just going into $50,000 worth of debt, moving back into their parents house, all of these kind of things, it just doesn't feel great.

And then you have the social pressures and the social media pressures and all of that kind of swirling around above it and finding meaning and finding purpose in the midst of all that, I think is pretty demoralizing.

You know, I'm sitting here and I have two teenagers, Brad and I. I wish, I wish they had you to walk alongside them. But you're giving me such new perspective even as a parent, which probably shows I. I have a lot to learn. But the idea that.

I've never thought about that, that kids have, you know, six bosses for teachers, multiple bosses for coaches, two bosses for parents, even bosses for their jobs. That is just. That is. Yeah, that's so much. You're right. It's so much. Tell us kind of a little bit.

Give us a perspective of what the social media pressures like. Because I think parents are like, well, everyone's different.

But I think about my husband like, he has an account on Facebook, but he just kind of reads people's homepages on occasion. But he doesn't. Like, he hardly ever goes on there. You know what I mean? Like, a lot of parents are like, I.

They don't have a perspective of how much pressure. Yeah, social media and life online creates. What's it. What do you see that being, like, for kids?

Yeah, that's a great question. And even, like, myself, like, I feel like I'm part of the digital age, but the way I interact with social media is so different than teenagers.

I mean, you hear stories of someone posting something on Instagram and then taking it down if it doesn't get 200 likes within an hour or whatever. Or. Yeah, the. I mean, everything is kind of. Oh, what's the word? It's not just performance based, but it's reaction based.

So, like, you don't make a TikTok and post it unless you think it's gonna get, you know, maybe pseudo viral in your community. And so you're constantly looking for someone else to react positively to what you're putting out there, which is totally. That's so much pressure.

Whether you have an Instagram account or your Snapchats or does somebody, like, hyperventilate because you snapped someone and it's been two hours and they haven't responded? And I really do think it's like rewiring people's brains to be putting yourself out there to receive validation from other people in a very.

It's shallow and instant way, and that's not healthy for anyone. So, yeah, the pressure of, why did this person's post get all this attention and mine didn't? Why did this happen and mine didn't? Yeah.

And then just all the. Am I fitting in? Am I cool enough? Like, are my. How. How's my sorority squat when I posed? Like, is my arm in the right picture? My duck lips, all that.

How does that all look?

It's just.

You're killing your small. Yeah, there's. That's so much. And. And I think it. I've never heard of that term again. I have so much to learn.

But reaction based, I. I mean, I see that in adults, too, but for kids to continuously feel like they have to receive validation from other people almost invites us as parents and youth leaders to see how important it is to freely give validation without kids needing to try to earn it from us.

Yes, that would be key. I mean, my kids are young, they're six and eight.

But I've just kind of fallen into this habit every night when I say goodnight just to say like, I am so glad you're my daughter and just kind of like leave it like that. And even their like response and their smile, like they can tell, like it actually matters. Like it has nothing to do with what they've done.

But I just making sure they know I am so glad that they're my daughter.

Well, the more that we can hand out free validation at home or at church to the kids we're ministering to, the more we can hand that out, the less they're going to need to go out. Basically vying for it.

Yeah, absolutely.

We talk a lot at Clyde about, you know, I always say all the time Jesus meets people where they're at. He doesn't say, hey, go, go, you know, figure this out or whatever and then, and then I'll meet you. Like he really meets people where they are.

Where are teenagers at right now?

Like physically, emotionally?

Yeah, like the spaces where we can meet them. Where, where would you say they're at?

Oh, that's a good question. They are. I don't know where they're at. They're at sports fields and in their houses. That's a lame answer.

I mean, do you think they're on Snapchat? Do you think they've moved out of Facebook? Like, where are the spaces where we can meet them?

Okay, so they're not on Facebook. They'll, they'll scroll it. But so I meet kids. I don't have a Snapchat. I never have. I don't have a tick tock. I'm not really planning on it though.

Sometimes I do see funny stuff on there.

I can just see you doing some TikTok dances though. Come on.

I, yeah, you're right. I'm signing up. As soon as we hang up, I'm going to get on it.

You know, I'm thinking there's a bunch of guys, it's almost stereotypical, but there's guys that are on their Xboxes and PlayStations with their headset on and they don't physically see any other humans, but that's where they have their social interaction and their connection is talking to people through their headsets. And gosh, teenage girls, they FaceTime all the time.

I don't understand it because I'm like, you could just talk on the phone, but seeing each other's faces is incredibly important. And yeah, just kind of being around coffee, all those kind of things.

So I mean there are places to connect with kids, but a lot of those I feel like they would say are sacred for them. And so, like, if. If you.

If you hopped onto your son's, like, Xbox feed, I don't know if, like, he and his buddies would just be like, hey, that's so cool. Your mom was, like, listening in on our conversation.

Oh, my gosh, that'd go over like a fart in church. How is the older generation of the church missing what teenagers need?

Oh, that is such a lovely question.

And there's lots of things I could say just about, like, I don't know what church looks like or feels like, but I feel like we all kind of instinctively know that I actually am not a big, like, church has to be sexy, cool kind of person. Our youth ministry has really grown a lot in the last five years. And we are not, like, crazy sexy cool at all.

We don't have lights or smoke machines or good bands or any of that kind of stuff. So my answer to what are the older generation missing? They are missing the relationship component of it.

And it's kind of like what I was saying earlier in terms of teenagers have so many older folks that are authority figures, but how many older folks do they have that are just in relationship and friendship with them? I think that is a huge missing piece. And I just. That's such a good point to expand on that a tiny bit.

We've tried really hard in my church, in our context, to have our pastor had this great word like a year or so ago where he said, we are a multi generational church, but we're not an intergenerational church, meaning we don't really mix that much.

And so we tried really intentionally to have spaces where junior high, high school students, young adults, and then 40s, 50, 60, 70, 80 year olds could interact. And we had the percentage of young folks that showed up to those spaces versus old was really disappointing and surprising.

I'm kind of making these numbers up, but we might have had 25 teenagers and young adults show up and maybe six older folks when our church has hundreds of older folks there.

Really?

Yes, really. Or they'd come and they'd be like, this was so good. This was really worth it. And then they wouldn't come back the next time. The next week.

We offered that. And I was shocked, to be honest, because we always hear like, kids don't understand. Like, we never see the kids, we never hear from the kids.

Why aren't the kids in the sanctuary for worship, et cetera, et cetera.

And we were like, okay, we're gonna literally put on a silver platter a chance for you to be known by some kids and get to know some younger folk, and they just didn't show up. And it was really disappointing.

That's really interesting. Right? Also, by the way, I love your kind of, like, older person in the church voice. You really rocked that.

Hey, I kind of asked you and put you on the spot about how the older generation of the church is not missing what teenagers need. And I love that your answer is relationship. How are parents missing what teenagers need?

Oh, like in terms of faith and church and such.

Yeah, just what they need. Like, how are parents missing. Missing their kids? Like, not. Not seeing them and not seeing their needs and meeting them.

Yeah, man, what a huge question. And I feel like we get just scratched the surface, but what's popping into my mind right now is trying to re.

Rewire our parent brains away from expectations and more toward, like, a journey. We need to know what are our expectations for our kids and are those coming from our own insecurities and what we hope our kids grow into?

And are they totally missing the point of our own kids? Like, Imago Day, like, who God has created them to be? Like, have we ever had those kind of conversations with our kids?

Like, it's so cliche to talk about, like, grades and stuff, but it's a real thing. Like, I hear stories all the time of kids getting grounded for B plus on a test and.

Or kids not being able to go out and do XYZ because, you know, they missed 20% on a quiz. That doesn't really matter. And, like, I don't know. I.

No one, I guess I work in the church, but no one ever asked me about my grades that I got in college or anything like that. They just wanted to know, like, who am I? What am I living into my values and what's exciting?

So I think having those kind of conversations, there's so much stress between. Tension, maybe a better word, between parents and kids.

And a lot of that could maybe be diffused, not entirely, but a little bit by, like, helping your kids shape their own personal values and helping them base their activities and their expectations on.

Are you becoming a flourishing human being that is bringing love and light into the world, or are you, like, on this treadmill of American success, just, like, trying to achieve and achieve and achieve?

Yeah. I have so many questions I want to ask you about this, so we're going to do that.

Okay.

My first one is, what do you see as the most important things that we need to do in relationship with teenagers in order to create Safe spaces for them to explore Jesus.

Yeah. So safe space is one of those really great kind of buzzwords for churches and ministries. Like, everyone wants to be a safe place.

Every youth group I've ever, like, seen their mission statement wants to be a safe place. Every church does. But the truth is, being a truly, like, actually safe place is a ton of work.

You have to, from the ground up, reimagine, revision, rebuild your community so that it's actually safe.

So one of the biggest things that I have found for teenagers, specifically when it comes to faith, well, gosh, there's a lot, because, you know, sexuality is big thing that churches are having conversations about. So what happens if a trans kid walks into your building on a Wednesday night? Like, is your community set up to be a safe space for them or not?

What about if someone of a different race or ethnicity comes into a dominated community of a different race? Are you. Is your community, like, prepared internally, like, even in their minds and hearts to be a safe place for that person? And it is.

It's a lot of awkward conversations. It's a lot of work from the ground up.

And then one of the, like, kind of more visceral things is just being okay to live in the gray, meaning not black and white.

Like, gray is okay when it comes to what they want to be when they grow up, what they believe about God, what they believe about the Bible, do they believe in God, all of those kind of things.

Like, one of the first things we really had to work on five or six years ago was just giving voice to kids who wanted to be a part of our community but had no faith background, and not even no faith background, but were, like, atheist, but they still wanted to be around. So we rewrote our student leader like, expectations to be like, hey, you don't actually have to believe in God to be part of our inner circle.

And so you have to be brave enough to do that and to have those awkward conversations and to train your leaders and to train your leadership and to train the other people in the community. And you don't have to agree.

You just have to have the right heart, the same heart that is open, that is cool with the gray, and that wants to, like, love in safe ways that actually feel that way for the other person and not just feel that way so you can pat yourself on the back.

Brad, do you have a story of a story student who in a way came in maybe wanting very little to do with Jesus or no faith or church background? And by you guys going out of your Way to do the hard work to create a safe space for them.

They've actually come to know and love Jesus and are living out him in the world. Like, do you have a story?

No, it never happens. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, sorry.

Brad is sarcastic, everyone.

Yeah, actually many.

It's kind of one of those, like, success things where we felt God leading us in this way and keep providing people a chance to bump into Jesus and they actually do. So. Yeah, I can think specifically of, I mean, we just kind of shared her story in our church wide just a couple months ago.

But she came over as a foreign exchange student from Japan when she was in grade school and got to know some friends, moved back to Japan, her family is there, and she decided she wanted to come back to Spokane. So she came, I want to say sophomore year and got really involved with our youth mystery because that's where her friends were.

But had no faith background, no real interest in anything faith wise, but found a lot compelling about our community and even about the things we were talking about. And yeah, so she like came on our student leader mission trip that summer. She was a core part of our student leadership.

She had access to everything that anyone else, like who grew up in the church holding hands and skipping with Jesus every morning when they get out of bed. Like, she had access to those same things.

And yeah, through, through her friends, through our community, through service, like through all those kind of things, like she bumped, she collided with Jesus and then just this last May said she wanted to get baptized and so did that. And it's her senior year now and she's still super involved and.

Yeah, and instead of now, like, she would preface every time she shared anything would be like, well, I don't really know like much about this or I don't know if I buy into this. And then she'd say something super wise and brilliant. Now she just says the wise and brilliant thing without the preface. And it's really wonderful.

That's so cool. It reminds me a lot about my, my story of finding Jesus.

And it was, you know, Christians who created safe spaces for me in their homes, in conversations and relationship and even in the church where I could come and be the person who felt like she didn't belong and they told me otherwise. Yeah, absolutely. And I love that so much. What are some of the most damaging things we can do in conversations about faith with teens?

Ooh, damaging things. Just take a look at the last 30 years and you'll have all your answers there. No, but honestly, I think rigidity and certainty.

I think a lot of, like, even my own mom, I think a lot of some of my mentors growing up, older folks in the church I grew up in, older folks in ministry when I was growing up, there's just a lot that they might seem scared about when it comes to uncertainty and doubts and such.

And I'm not saying holding on to certainty is wrong when you are certain about something, but expecting someone else to have that exact same certainty, especially a young person, can be damaging. Especially if it's.

I mean, gosh, people throughout history have said kids always seem to think they know it all, but now, like, every kid has a incredibly powerful computer in their pocket, right? And they can look up anything at any time.

So, like, just holding, Gosh, I feel like I'm saying because holding on to the love of Jesus, holding onto your faith, the certainty and rigidity of that can be beautiful.

But again, expecting a young person who is growing up in a different time and society and technology to be able to hold onto that and grasp that at the same time and then tell them they're out if they don't, that is incredibly damaging. The gatekeepers there. I take back all the last three minutes of rambling and saying that.

The gatekeepers of people telling who's in and who's out based on being able to hold on to a certainty, maybe a certain doctrine or whatnot, and if they don't, then they're out. That is what I see as being incredibly damaging for young folks right now.

You know, there's so much to ask about this. You're giving us so much to think about, you know, certainty and faith. I know for sure can't be forced.

We can't force anyone to believe what we believe. And in fact, forcing them. A lot of parents almost force children to sort of mark the boxes, check the boxes that you believe all these right things.

And, and I get calls from parents who are freaking out because their kids are maybe starting to question some things or looking into some things for themselves and, and they freak out and they want to like force feed God down their kids throats, which I want to hear how you think that might backfire. But also they're so afraid of what you mentioned earlier, which is the journey, which is I think a lot about. Rob and I have talked about this.

Like, how did I come to know God? How did he come to know God? We came to know God stumbling, falling on our knees, making so many mistakes.

Like, I screwed up so big time and I did things that were hurtful to myself and hurtful to other people. And there were moments where I didn't really want to be here anymore.

Life was so hard and down and like, by the time I met Jesus, it was like, you know, I stumbled forward and fell at his feet and needed him so bad. And I guess I just kind of wonder sometimes with Christian parents why we think our kids are going to come to God any other way.

I mean, yes, we've, we know Jesus and we've maybe laid out like all the goodness and all the blessings and all the light and all the hope that he offers, but they still have to choose for themselves, right? They still have to, they still have to stumble themselves. They still have to realize their own need for God.

We can't take away all their need and then just be like, believe this and force it down. Yes, I, I mean, I can go off, but what do you think about that?

Like, when you see parents freaking out because their kids are like doubting or questioning or wondering or stumbling or sinning and kind of living their journey? What should we do as parents when we're freaking out about that?

My daughters are going to be 6 and 8 forever and I'm never going to have to deal with that. That's what I think. Yeah, there's a couple things. The doubting and the questioning I think is so huge.

And I think parents can play such a pivotal role in that.

Man, if we, if parents and their kids were able to have honest conversations about that, my guess is most of what their kids are doubting and questioning are things that we have already doubted and questioned. You know, it's kind of a saying now that they're like, hey, if that's the God you believe in, then I don't want to believe in that God either.

Like, that story out of Scripture is actually really, like, it's a little bit troubling, isn't it? And just letting it sit there without tying a bow onto it, I think can be so hugely helpful.

And then like the sinning and the messing up and the choices and all that, like, that's just heartbreaking for a parent. And I think, like, two things is one, just like, be okay mourning that or not be okay mourning that, but allow yourself to mourn that and to be sad.

I think that is an okay, appropriate thing for a parent to do.

And then if I was advising parents in that situation, one of the things again, when I said we kind of had to tear down and rebuild our ministry and our community and to be a safe place. So one of the things I really had to retrain myself for and retrain our leadership for, for is to. It's a long game.

We do not have to get kids to say like, the right prayer before they graduate or we have failed. That's not how this works.

Parents, you don't have to have your kids want to get up every Sunday morning and head to church with a smile on their face until they graduate from high school or you failed. That's not how this works. Jesus will find us always. And it might be later on and it might be when they're 17. And we just have to trust.

We just have to trust, which is not easy.

But yeah, we tell ourselves all the time now, like, okay, these like 80 kids, like, left our ministry in the last two years and 60 of them didn't say the right prayer on our mission. Trip manipulation, like cry night around the campfire. So we have failed. Like, we just stopped doing all of that.

We stopped doing all the cry night manipulation, altar calls. Like, it's like we give kids a chance to say they want to follow Jesus, but we do that in relationship and try not to manipulate them.

And that has just really helped us change our mind to like, hey, God's got them. Like, they. They will run into Jesus. And yeah, so the long game thing has been a huge shifter and like, the doubt, the questioning.

We all doubt, we all question. I'm a professional Christian and there's stuff right now that I doubt and question all the time. So that's just being a human, I think.

Yeah. Well, it reminds me of the guy in the Bible who doubted and, you know, went to Jesus and said, help me with my unbelief.

Yeah.

And Jesus didn't say what? I know you don't believe everything.

I'm standing right in front of you.

You are cursed wither and die.

Exactly.

I love, I love the phrase this is the long game. And, and actually just on a really personal note, Brad, like, I feel like you're ministering to me just in this moment.

Like, I feel a little emotional. I. I'm in countdown mode. Cuz I have a kid who's going to be gone in like a year and a quarter or whatever it is.

And there's so much internal pressure that I think I've been carrying about. Like, you know, have I set him up for this? Have I, you know, given him the foundation he needs? Have I made sure, like his faith is strong?

Have I, you know, there's just all these things before I send him out into the world and it kind of feels like there's just so much pressure and that when that time comes, I'm going to feel like, man, I should have done this and I should have done that so that he is. Knows that God is real and that God loves him and that his life matters and all those things.

And it's like so freeing to know that it's the long game that God comes after us and pursues us and chases us and he's to be found everywhere and he's the, you know, hound of heaven, the stalker. He's gonna go chasing after my kids and be more available to them than I am when they go off to college.

And I just feel like reminding myself like God and Aiden, their relationship is, is like the long game. It's not for me to make sure that it's all figured out before I'm done with my job and he graduates from high school, you know.

Yeah. Yes.

So thank you.

Thanks. You're welcome. And then remind me in nine years when it's my turn for my daughter.

Okay? Okay, I will, I will. Hey, what's the very best advice you have for us that we can do to invite our teens into a real authentic faith?

Ooh, live a life that matters. That is my best advice. When I see teenagers, they are kind of exploring Jesus and exploring faith.

Like it's not a certainty and an understanding and a head thing. It is a. They are searching for meaning. They are searching for a purpose.

And I think a lot of that is in response to the anxiety and the stress and the feeling like they're on a treadmill to get good grades, get a good job, go to the right college, et cetera, et cetera. I think that like, we are built to matter to the world around us.

And so if we as parents or as adults in relationship with kids, even if they're not our own, like biological kids. I think the best thing we can do with our faith is to matter to the world around us. Do they see us serving in little medium and big ways?

Do they see us using our time and our money to love our neighborhood? Do they see us taking care of the least of these, advocating for refugees and homeless and all of that?

Do they see us using what Jesus has given us in terms of the light and that love, and not just like saying, come get some of this, but actually bringing that into the world in ways that matter?

That I think in today's culture, in any culture, but especially today's culture, again, I repeat myself, but kids are looking for a way to matter and to be meaningful and to have their faith reflect that. And so I think as us as an adult and parents are living that out and inviting them to be a part of that.

We have families that serve as families together with 10 other teenagers at our, like, local homeless shelter on the second Saturday of every month.

And it is incredible to see mom and dad and their four kids and then a couple other adults and maybe a couple other kids and then eight random teenagers all, like, doing dishes and serving coffee to homeless people. Like, that's the kingdom right there. So how do we live lives that matter and invite teens into knowing that that can be their life, too?

Because that's who Jesus calls us to be.

TikTok dances and memes.

It says the guy who's not on TikTok.

Yeah, well, until we hang up, right? And then I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be a viral sensation.

Yeah, you are.

I'm gonna use my. We are recording this in the middle of coronavirus quarantine, so I'm gonna use my quarantine time to become a viral sensation.

Make sure you do all your TikTok dances with masks on.

Okay? Is that a thing? Oh, yes, I see now.

To go viral during corona.

I see. Good point.

Yes. Okay, back to the questions.

Okay, back to your questions.

Sorry.

If Jesus were here right now, how would he engage teenagers? Man, I feel presumptuous even guessing. But my guess is he would want to relieve them of their anxiety.

That he would want to tell them that they are beautiful and that they are good and that they matter. That he would be a voice of radical Acceptance and ambitious love to all the people. Yeah, the least of these. He'd be showing up.

He'd be showing up in the places where there is hurt and need and he would just be a comfort and be that prince of peace in the slums and in the upper middle class neighborhoods because there is hurt and confusion there. It just looks different than it does in our poor communities. So I think Jesus would be a voice of security and open arms and.

TikTok and come with me. Let's go help those people in those neighborhoods.

Yes. Yes.

Hey Brad, thank you for the years and years and years of faithfulness, service, investment in kids, the lives that you've impacted. The ripple effect of those goes beyond what you can probably see. But I'm just so grateful for you. I'm so proud of you.

Getting to kind of watch from afar what God's doing through your life. And I always have fun talking to you. But other people listening might want to talk to you. How can they connect with you?

I mean through. Well, look me up on TikTok. That'll be happening soon. And then, I mean email.

Honestly, if anyone has questions or anything, it's just my name bradhaugmail.com my last name is pronounced Haugi. If you're seeing it, it looks like Haug. And then I do have a Facebook and because I'm old, I still use it. So yeah, that's awesome.

Thank you for hanging out with us.

You are so welcome. It's my pleasure. Thanks for all you are for so many as well.

Hey guys, for those of you listening, my biggest encouragement for you this week is to think about how you can come alongside teenagers and remind them that their lives matter, that they can be used to send that message to the world in which they live in as well. But we have to send it first. So have a good week, keep colliding and we'll catch you next week.

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