This podcast episode delves into the disappointing experience of watching the film "The Boy," which is central to our discussion on cinematic portrayals of creepy dolls. We express our profound dissatisfaction with the narrative choices made in the film, particularly how it diverges from established horror tropes that typically contribute to effective storytelling in this genre. The conversation highlights the lack of coherence in the plot and the missed opportunities for genuinely unsettling moments that could have enriched the viewing experience. Throughout our critique, we underscore the film's failure to engage its audience, ultimately leading us to conclude that it does not merit further viewing. Our reflections serve as a cautionary tale for those considering engaging with this particular cinematic endeavor.

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If.

If I stay and I cover the doll, the blanket and the blanket comes off.

Goodbye.

I don't care what time of night it is.

I'm out.

Yeah, we get that far.

I go in and I.

The lady goes meet our son and shows me the doll and I go.

I giggle like, that's a good one.

No, we're serious.

Ah, me too.

See you later.

Bye.

I'm out.

It ain't happening.

Because I don't want to live in your house.

The what's up?

Every podcast, we fashion ourselves cinematic judge and jury.

My name is J.J. crowder.

I'm here with my co host, Alec Burgess.

Let's get it.

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Don't tell anybody related to this movie this month.

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Yeah, you know,.

I mean, if somebody could tell Lauren Cohen about us, I'd probably be okay with that, but that's about the extent of it.

Yeah.

But before we jump in, it's a new month.

Well, it's middle of a new month, I guess.

No, this is week one.

This is week one of a new month.

All my shit's blending together, dude.

So it's.

Yeah, it's a new month and it's not going to be Alex favorite month.

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So let's jump into the first episode of this lovely month.

That is movies with creepy dolls.

That's featuring creepy dolls.

Don't forget movies featuring creepy dolls.

To kick us off, we're starting the month off with the boy.

It was written by Stacy Manier and it was Directed by William Brent Bell, it stars Lauren Cohen, Rupert Evans, James Russell, Jim Norton, Diana Hardcastle, Ben Robson and Jack Klein.

It's about an American nanny who shocked that her new English family's boy is actually a life sized doll.

After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe the doll is really alive.

Fitting synopsis.

This was your pick, so I'm gonna pass this to you and let you tell us why.

Yeah, there's no reason.

There's no way I was gonna win this month.

So I just kind of threw spaghetti at the wall to see if it was done, see what, what stuck, what I could get out of it.

And I was very, very disappointed with the boy.

I had not seen it before, obviously.

I tend to avoid any and all movies that have creepy dolls in them at any and all times.

And I was sitting there watching this and I was disappointed like mad.

I think they had a real good thing going.

Yeah.

And there's a reason why, like the scary doll horror tropes work.

Right.

And there's a reason why people don't deviate very much.

And you always seem to have the same kind of possessed doll situation.

And it's because it works.

Yeah, they.

They tried to go off script with this and turn freaking Brahms into like a mixture of Boo Radley and Bruno from Encanto.

And I was, I was mad.

I was mad at the end because, yeah, you had an opportunity and then you wasted it.

And the last, I don't know, like what, 20, 20 minutes of this movie or whatever is absolute horseshit.

And it ruins the whole setup that it takes to get to like this big climatic moment.

And it took me all of 30 seconds to fix their movie.

All you had to do was change wind.

Brahms exist pretty much as a boy.

Right.

Instead of making them the old, old couple's son, make him some ancient Egyptian or whatever.

Yeah.

The fun part is every caretaker that comes becomes his new parents.

So like the old couple, they got roped in by someone else to take care of, and then you're stuck.

So nanny comes in from America, old couple leaves.

Now they're.

They're getting off scot free.

Right.

And that's the end type of a thing.

Now she's stuck as Brahms new caretaker because that to me is far more creepy while still not playing into fully into that doll trope.

But I, I was disappointed.

I was so mad that they ruined this movie.

But what about you, jj?

You've seen this before.

I hadn't.

I.

Here, I'll be honest.

I'LL just.

We'll kick this off in week one.

I have not seen any of the movies in this month.

Yeah.

So I picked three movies that I had never seen purposefully.

Right.

And then I knew you would pick movies that I had never seen because I don't do dolls.

Like, dolls aren't my thing either.

Like, I don't have the same level of fear that.

Yeah, that level of fear that you do.

Like, I don't have that.

Like, I actually enjoy horror, but I don't love dolls.

Like, there's.

There's a subset of horror, like, with dolls and then little kids that I just don't like.

I watch them still, don't get me wrong, but they're not my first choice in horror, so I don't.

I tend to avoid them.

Now, I do remember seeing, like, the previews and stuff for this, and I was like, okay, well, Lauren Cohen's riding the coattails of her Walking Dead fame and all that stuff, and then doing some terrible movies.

Get paychecks.

And I respect it because I really like Lauren Cohen.

But that.

Yeah, So I hadn't seen it, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to enjoy it very much because it just didn't feel.

It just wasn't something that.

Because, like, usually if a movie looks really good, regardless of if it has dolls or little kids in it that scare me.

Like, I can't remember the name of it right now, but there's one with, like, the.

The opposite side of Superman.

Like, if this kid has the superpowers basically, of Superman, but he becomes evil and, like, starts laying waste to people, including his, like, adopted parents and whatnot.

Anyway, I can't remember the name of it, but it's really creepy and very good.

Not my jam, because I don't like creepy kids.

But this one was good.

And I was like, okay, I'll sacrifice because it looks good.

This one, I was just never.

I was like, this doesn't even look like it's something.

So in watching.

I say all that to say that in watching it, I agree with you.

I was disappointed because if I watch horror, that's.

It turns into, like, a violent suspense movie.

You know what I mean?

Like, like where.

And then it's like, it turns out the jokes on everybody because, spoiler alert, Brahms is still around.

Yeah.

Been living in the walls.

And I'm like, first of all, I've got some fundamental issues with how that works, and nobody's figured it out.

You know what I mean?

Before, like, like, anyway, so that's One problem and two to your point.

Like, there's just so many better ways to have done this to make it scary and creepy versus, like, oh, this feels really awkward and uncomfortable.

And I don't like it when dolls are moving places in the house and she's kind of going a little nuts because all she does is giggle at it.

And I'm like, the is wrong with you?

And then all of a sudden, I start to go, this doesn't feel right.

And then I. I didn't figure out that he was, like, living in the walls until he pops out, but I was like, yeah, that just the payoff wasn't there.

So I agree.

They just.

They miss the boat hardcore on this one.

Well, even the way he pops out is confusing.

Like, when they get to their reveal, I still spent about, I don't know, two minutes going, is this just him in, like, demon form or is this, like, the actual dude?

He's just been living in the walls because he, like, busts out of.

It was like, a mirror or something, right?

Yeah, that he busts out of.

And, like, first of all, how.

Okay, how.

Second of all, you.

You don't reveal what's happening soon enough when you're taking this sideways twist, because I. I sat there and I was looking at it, and it took me a couple minutes to be, like, to go back and forth between, oh, here we go.

You broke the thing that's containing its spirit to.

And now it's, here we go.

Or.

And then I was like, no, wait, this.

This dude has just been.

And so when you get to your big reveal, you take way too long to do it.

And so by that time, I'm.

I'm pulled out and disappointed because then I'm starting to think that's lame.

That's stupid.

This just took.

You just took.

And you turned it into just a creepy movie where now the scenes of.

You know, when she notices her hair's been cut and her stuff gets moved around and all the doors and drawers are open in her room, and you're like, dude, now.

Now you just made it creepy.

Like, you didn't.

You didn't have to do.

You didn't have to, but you did.

Yeah.

And to me, it felt like they were.

They went into this movie deciding, hey, we're not gonna use the horror trope.

Right.

We're going to do everything we can to try and move away from this while still telling or still trying to take all the parts that make a horror doll film.

A horror doll film.

Yeah.

And there's a.

That's.

That's why I said there's a reason why the formula works.

I hate it.

I don't like it, but it works.

And it's effective because of these, you know, tropes that they go through.

And so if you're gonna.

If you're gonna deviate, you really have to almost come up with your own thing or do something that has already been tried and tested.

Yeah.

And they didn't.

They just kind of wiffle waffle back and forth, and the big reveal is, oh, just kidding.

And then.

Then I figured out that, oh, guess what?

They made a second one.

Or they're what now?

Or they're making a second one.

Like, there's a sequel coming.

And there.

There's no way this was that successful.

Yeah.

Because it's.

It's almost like.

It's almost like kid gloves.

We'll put it.

We'll put it like this.

It's.

It's the horror doll kid gloves for Gen Z and millennials like myself who don't like old scary doll movies and want that same experience or just think that we're brave.

And so it's like this watered down, we'll say pg, PG version of what the horror doll film trope is.

And it.

It doesn't land.

It did not land for me at all.

I hated the level of disappointment I had still three days later.

Yeah.

And, you know, it's bad if you're disappointed.

Yeah.

Like, I wanted this to be so much better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it could have been.

They had it all set up to make it a really good movie, and they just fumbled.

Yeah.

Fumbled it.

I'll say this, too.

Like, I. I got real tired of the.

The domestic violence trope in the whole thing too.

Like, it just like.

And this isn't just to that.

Right.

Like, I think maybe this is.

How am I gonna.

How do I say this?

I. I think this is a more global problem than just around dv.

Right.

So domestic violence is a massive issue.

And there are a lot of things that are massive issues in our world in general.

And I think movies tend to take these things as distractionary points or McGuffin plot McGuffins, if you will.

Because that's all it was in this is this domestic violence situation was a plot McGuffin for this movie.

Right.

It's the only way she ends up in this house.

It's the only way she ends up doing this stuff.

It really has defined who she is to actually just fall in line with the rule book.

Right.

Like, and I was like, this is so demonstratively bad in the fact that they were like, well we need something that gets her here.

Oh, let's give her an abusive boyfriend or abusive ex boyfriend.

And then like you add on the, the extra compounding piece of that she's had a DV caused, you know, miscarriage on top of it.

So now there's this extra layer of I want a kid that makes me sad.

And I'm like, it's so arbitrary and, and unnecessary and I, it doesn't add valued.

In fact, it distracted me every time it came up.

I'm like, here we go again and again.

It's not because I have a problem with discussing or showing or using like domestic violence and situations like that in a story that makes sense for it, but when it's just blatantly thrown around as a way to get, get a storyline together and then you it up.

Now I'm like, you just wasted a lot of goodwill at least with me on something that you could have.

Because to your point, if they switch up the story and how it goes and because I'm get this, but walk with me on this path.

Okay, what you were talking about, maybe it's an Egyptian God or like demon or whatever, there's this ghost that's an actual ghost that's inhabiting this doll, right?

I'd be curious.

Like everything's going down this creepy.

She kind of understands if I need to be safe, I'm going to take care of this.

And then she maybe gets a little bit of Stockholm syndrome or something and they end up having this like actual weird, uncomfortable, not natural like.

And I'm not talking about a relationship in the sexual fan, but like this mother child relationship that's actually maybe on a some twisted up level can be portrayed as some level of healthy for the two of them, right?

You have this ghost, the spirit that's trapped in this doll, which can't be pleasant if it's real.

You know what I mean?

Now you have this woman that's been through some and been through recently and is still worried that this guy's gonna find her right?

Now all of a sudden we have the groundwork laid to where you've actually paid off to me on some level.

The fact that you're using this very terrible situation that's very real to a lot of people in the world to get your story moving forward.

Now you have a reason when this guy shows up instead of it being like just him being a petty little child and they're being you know, disruptive to the way of life that he wants.

This is a spirit that's developed a relationship with this woman and a woman that's developed a relationship with this spirit and is.

They're giving each other what they need, unhealthy or not.

Now it's more believable when this spirit goes off the rails and starts murking everybody that's in this house because it found some level of peace with this woman, and now that's being threatened, right?

And it's protecting her, whatever you want to call it.

I think that would have been interesting as.

Because now I'm torn right now.

I'm like, this is a haunting spirit that's been torturing these old people, whether it's his parents or not torturing them to the point that they put rocks in their pockets and walk into a lake, which is up, by the way.

And so I'm just trying to, like, take this really twisted story and go, how could you have made it more poignant and actually make the story make sense and have it be like, I walk away.

Because I walk away from that movie going, the did I just watch?

And really, okay, so we slaughter boyfriend, right?

Boyfriend, ex boyfriend dies.

Good riddance.

We see.

What's his name?

Milton.

I don't remember his name.

The other guy, the caretaker guy.

And Lauren Cohen's character burying ex boyfriend in the woods.

Even if it's like we keep the twisted level up and say next to the girl that what's his face murdered when he was alive, right?

Who.

Even if you don't do that.

But we see him burying him out in the woods and going walking back into their happy little home with their ghost ball baby child, whatever it is that's up.

And now I'm going to who?

Who.

Whose side am I on?

You know what I mean?

And that's where I leave from a psychological thriller going, oh, you got me on that deal.

But by making him an actual human being that comes out of the walls.

And you just negated any good storytelling, in my opinion, that you could have had.

Because now I'm just like, well, of course he's a sociopath.

He was that before the doll came around.

He created this doll because the up now I can't be a fan.

Yeah, I want to be a fan, right?

Like, I want to go.

Would I stay if I would?

Would if I had that kind of trauma, would that lead me to want a doll for a child?

Because we've had this bond of some sort because of my past trauma in There.

Now I got to think about that.

Right.

I don't think about when I get done watching this current form.

I'm just like, yeah, I'm done.

100 Agree.

Because I had it all set up.

As she like starts playing by the rules and she gets further and further down crazy train to the point where, you know, watch the doll moves and all this stuff.

She's all excited about it.

He is invested.

She is going, you know, she's a couple cuckoo short of a full clock at this point and she is fully invested in this happening.

And so now, yeah, you get the brain going like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't stay.

Right?

I. I'd have been gone way before this.

Oh yeah.

The instant I was gone.

Yeah.

If, if I stay and I cover the doll with a blank and the blanket comes off, goodbye.

I don't care what time of night it is, I'm out.

Yeah, it didn't even get that far.

I go in and I, the lady goes meet our son and shows me the doll and I go.

I giggle like, no, we're serious.

Ah, me too.

See you later.

Bye.

I'm out.

It ain't happening because I don't want to live in your house.

No, take the doll out.

You are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

I'm out.

So I never get that far.

But they could have made me wonder if I might have.

Exactly.

Because they get, they get all the way there and then they just like, okay, we gotta wrap it up.

Shocking awe.

Throw it out there.

And you, you had so many different ways you could have gone with the story that make it better that leave you going, huh?

Like maybe what?

Or oh, that's kind of cool.

If they did this and instead they just went straight again.

Straight Boo Radley is what they did to this poor dude.

And they, you know, he's just been a shut in recluse, locked away, can't go outside.

I can't do anything.

And you know, clearly it's messed with his developmental problems, understandably.

But.

And then, and then the parents, because they've let this gone on for so long, just decide to call it quits.

Yeah.

No accountability.

We're just done.

Done.

Adios, Bye.

The girl's yours now.

Take care of her.

That, yeah, it's up.

And so that's where it's like you had all these elements in there that you could have done to twist it and make it more ominous, more, you know, open ended to the point of, oh well, what, what's actually in the Doll then that made this happen, or what are we actually dealing with?

But no, they just went for busting out of a mirror and just going ape.

And at that point, I was like, okay, cool.

Yeah, great.

Then it was.

Then it was, are we done yet?

Yeah.

And not because I'm scared.

It's, are we done yet?

Because, like, this, I'm.

I'm disappointed.

That's.

That's the best way I could put it.

I was disappointed.

This.

This pick.

This movie is.

This is.

This is just.

It just wasn't good.

This wasn't good.

And they had a really good kind of opening, really strong going through.

I mean, I think they did a great job in their jump scares.

Got me several times.

Mm.

Even when I knew it was coming, like, when she goes up in the attic, I was like, don't do that.

You know it's gonna happen.

You couldn't open it before.

Now all of a sudden, it's open on its own.

Like, don't go up there.

There's nothing up there for you.

No reason to go up there.

Nope.

She goes up there, and immediately it closes.

Still got me.

But they.

They had almost all the right pieces and then just decided, nah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want to say it was lazy, but I think it was just bad choices.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it was trying to be different.

Trying to almost have your cake and eat it, too.

And I'll say it again.

The reason why it works is because it's tried and tested using all these tropes, and it's the same reason why there's really only one horror movie.

They.

They have all the same points, and they hit all the same boxes because it works, and it works well.

And Sam Raimi came along, decided, hey, you know what?

We're gonna.

We're gonna build on what Hitchcock did, and we're gonna change this, change this, change this, and boom, here's your formula, and it works.

And if you're going to deviate, you have to come up with something that's as good or better.

If you're going to use the same points, if you're going to check all the boxes in the formula, you have to come to the same answer that everybody else does.

If you're trying to do your own answer, you got to rework your equation because it's not balanced.

And then this is what showed up.

And I was sitting there going, it's.

It's almost like you're watching it with some sort of, like, parental filters on it, Right?

To cut out everything that.

That doesn't make sense.

And so it's like, oh, you get this cobbled together thing.

Alternate ending.

Yeah.

And I was in there going, this.

No, like, it was disappointing.

Yeah.

Full on.

Full on.

I was sad.

I. I was.

I don't want to say sad, but yeah, I was sad.

I was disappointed.

Yeah.

That's what it was.

Yeah.

I have to make correction real quick.

I lied.

I have seen one of the movies.

I forgot there's five this month.

I have seen the third movie of the month.

I was gonna say that's what.

Yeah, that.

That one.

I have seen it.

The other four, I have not.

Okay.

But I had to put that staple on the list, so.

And you guys will know what we're talking about here in a couple weeks.

But I have seen that one.

Or just go check Tick Tock.

It's out on Tick Tock.

That's fair, too.

You can go check us out on Tick Tock or you can go see who won at Patreon, because that list is still there, too.

Should we rate this thing?

Let's do it.

All right.

Alec, your movie, you're rating.

I'm giving it a 0.5.

And it's the first time I'm giving a horror movie a low score.

Not because I hated it, because it was just disappointing to watch.

I will never be watching this again.

If the sequel thing is true, I will never be seeing that because I don't think you can save yourself.

It's going to be, you know, somehow Brahm survived and we're gonna get, you know, a ridiculous, stupid.

Continue.

Oh, I'm not saying it.

2020.

Good Lord.

The worst year for movies.

It's pretty bad.

So, yeah, I mean, there's not much I can add on to it.

Just don't watch the boy.

It's not worth it.

Go spend your time watching an actual psychological horror thriller.

Yeah, but.

Yeah.

What do you think, jj?

Oh, my God.

That movie has Katie Holmes in it.

Don't watch it, jj.

It's not worth it.

I'm not gonna go watch Katie Holmes.

And something else.

I'm sitting here watching this going, how is that doll still there?

Because he glued it back together from dust when it shattered, I. I guess.

What.

Anyway, so.

Yeah, it already came out.

I'm not watching it.

But it's ironic how some of these movies get like.

They're really big actors that I'm like, how the did you pull that off?

How did two get a bigger actor than one?

I don't know.

I guess she's not much anymore.

Any either, but.

All right, I'm gonna give this 0.5 as well.

This.

This movie was rough.

I.

You know, it was dumb.

I mean, it wasn't on the level of like Moonfall or anything, but it was pretty bad.

I guess they attempted to do something different, which I can give credit for, but that's all the credit you're getting from me on this one.

Even the fact that I love Lauren Cohen because she was in one of my favorite TV shows of all time called Chuck, and I like, loved her character in it.

It was funny.

Anyway, it's only one season and barely ended at all, but I really like her.

But this movie sucked.

It was just bad.

It wasn't interesting.

It was full of shitty tropes and then turned it on its ear and it didn't work, not in an effective way.

So don't watch this.

I'll never watch it again.

It's booty.

It's about all I got.

It's.

It's booty that hasn't been washed.

And there it is.

That's.

That's.

Yeah, this movie sucked.

Don't watch it.

I want to get done with this.

Alec, tell everybody where they can find us when we're not telling weird ass parents with a creepy doll kid that we're not staying.

Yeah, happy to.

Don't mention any of those weird people.

We don't like them.

But best place to find us is on YouTube where you see our smiling faces or cringy faces.

Mad faces, bad faces, glad faces, sad faces.

While we're, you know, recording and talking about terrible movies that should never have been made.

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With that, I'll kick it back to the Mauling Monarch.

Jack Dunn's baby.

A J.J. that's right.

Appreciate it.

Alec.

Yeah, Go check out all the places, but don't watch this movie.

And with that, as always, we appreciate you tuning in.

We'll catch you on the next Hasta la vista, baby.

Cinematic out.