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Needing His Grace Again and Again in Your Parenting? You're Not Alone.
Episode 3324th April 2024 • Again • Entrusted Ministries
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If you've ever thought we seemed like we had it all together, listen in. If you feel discouraged with how difficult it is to be a Christian parent and feel like you're continually failing, we hope you are encouraged to know you are not alone! Motherhood is continually refining us, and we can be thankful we have a Savior that is not only drawing our children to Himself... but also us as mothers.

Books Recommended:

Becoming Elisabeth Elliot

Suffering is Never for Nothing

Raising a Daughter in a Toxic Culture

Dirt

The Hard Good

Habits of the Household

Teaching from Rest

Atomic Habits

The Covenant Household

Scripture Mentioned: Colossians 3:8

Transcripts

Speaker:

They're the joyful agains our children

shout on the swings, the exhausting

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agains of cooking and laundry, and

the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Have you ever listened to an

episode of this podcast and

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thought we have it all together?

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You won't feel that way

at the end of this one.

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If you're struggling.

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And need to know that you're not alone.

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This episode is all for you.

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Welcome to the again, podcast brought

to you by interested ministries.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

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And today I am humbly joined

by Jen Frackman and Emily deal,

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as we share the struggles that

we have personally identified

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through one of the quizzes in the

interested with the child's heart.

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Notebook.

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Although it is painful

to be refined and too.

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Evaluate our weaknesses before the Lord.

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And how we are exasperating our children.

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We are so grateful for this tool and

this resource that Betsy created that

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teaches us what we are to put on.

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We are so thankful to be pointed.

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Towards God's word.

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And how we need to be refined.

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Through the holy spirit.

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This episode.

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Connects to a lesson, 10 of

entrusted with the child's heart.

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If you've been thinking, all right, I

have to see a sample lesson of entrusted.

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Then this is your chance.

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Head to our website.

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www.entrustedministries.com.

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On our homepage.

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You can sign up for our new freebies.

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You're going to get all of lesson 10 the

hour long video top by Betsy Corning.

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This also will include the full,

a listening guide that will

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show you what the interested

with the child's heart notebook.

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Looks like.

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And then also you're going

to receive the quiz sheet

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that you'll be able to score yourself

as you listen to the lesson and you

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can even print out an extra copy for

your husband to do along with you.

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If he'd like.

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And then to sum it all up, the full circle

discipline sheet can be printed off.

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There's a printable of that as well.

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We find that this is so helpful

for reminding us how to bring our

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children to full repentance and

restoration and make sure that we keep

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their hearts as we discipline them.

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Because this is not about behavior change.

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This is about.

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Changing hearts and pointing them.

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Towards their savior.

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With that said, I'm now going

to share with you an episode

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in which Jen, Emily and I share

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how entirely in need of Jesus Christ.

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We each are in our parenting

and in all of life.

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Steph: To get us kicked off, I would like

to know, and I realize it is impossible

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to narrow it down what are the books

that you most often recommend to others?

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I'm sure we're each going to

have several here, that's okay.

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I'm sure our listeners would

love to hear our top picks.

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Emily, let's

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Emily: I was going to

say, I want to hear Jen's

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because I know she

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has an arsenal full of

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books and I want to

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Steph: I know.

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Yes.

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So I was like, do I give Jen

a second to narrow it down?

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Okay.

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Emily: Jen?

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Jen: love it.

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I love it.

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I know, I feel like, okay what

topic are we talking about?

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Because I could give you one from each

one, but first off my lips, I will say

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is anything Elisabeth Elliott Becoming

Elisabeth Elliott was excellent.

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And I often will recommend that one.

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Suffering is never for

nothing by Elisabeth Elliott.

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Anything about or written by

Elisabeth Elliott is always a

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good one that I'm recommending.

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Also same with Diedrich

Bonhoeffer, anything about him

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or written by him, I'm all for.

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Yeah, , those are the

top two that I can think

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Emily: It's hard to be Elisabeth Elliott.

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, her books

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Jen: I know.

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Emily: just.

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good truth.

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Yes.

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Jen: Yes.

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Emily: I can't top that, I'm out.

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No, I'm just kidding.

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I would say that I think every mom with

a daughter should read it's called

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Raising a Daughter in a Toxic Culture.

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and it's really Good.

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for moms raising daughters, there are lots

of relevant things that we face today.

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I love, I, this is a memoir book but

I love a book called Dirt and, it's

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by an author from my home state, West

Virginia, and I identify with it so

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beautifully and she's a beautiful writer.

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I'm going to do one more.

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I recommend the book called the Hard Good.

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and it just talks about the

different places that God uses the

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hard things in our life for good.

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Oh,

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Jen: Okay.

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I'm going to add one more since

you did three, then I'm going

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to do another one.

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And I'll just say anything about the

Puritans are written by the Puritans.

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I love myself a good

classic Puritans read.

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The reason I love him is because you'll

know so much more about the Lord.

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You won't know anything about the author.

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Today's books, I feel like you

know so much about the author.

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And so little about the Lord.

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And I so often just want to know

more about the Lord and the Puritans

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will get me right there and will

make me see how fragile my faith is

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and how weak my faith is and how I

need to be just so much stronger.

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Steph: I think I'm going to pick some

recent reads that were really influential.

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Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmell

Early, I feel is the most practically

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helpful parenting book I've ever read.

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Because it is how you can use liturgy to

redeem everyday practices in your home.

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It doesn't matter what your home

looks like, your children go to

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bed, they eat, you leave sometimes.

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It just teaches how to redeem

all those moments for the Lord.

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And he gives examples, but

he's very humble about it.

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So that is one that I think it's

just so practically applicable

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that is an incredible book.

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Jen: That's great.

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Steph: Teaching from Rest by Sarah

MacKenzie, I have talked about before.

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On this podcast, but I think that one is

so helpful because it reminds us the heart

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of what we want our children to remember.

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That overarching, we want them to

have a peaceful, calm mother and

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to not get caught up in the doing.

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So that's a fantastic one.

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One that I started reading recently.

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That's revolutionary, even though it's

not written from a Christian perspective.

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I think he's just such a

clear communicator is Atomic

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Habits by James Clear.

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It's very interesting, how, you can order

your moments and your days in a specific

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way that does help you become the person

that you want to be before the Lord.

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Even though that, again, it's not written

from a biblical perspective, but I

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think so many of these little decisions

are adding up to who we want to be.

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And to think about the science

of it and how to help ourselves

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become more successful.

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So those Are just some more

recent ones that have really been

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impactful in a practical way.

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So I'm going to go that route because

you guys took the heavy hitters.

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Alright, That's a fun question to

answer, but we are going to get into

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some heaviness in this episode and

be pretty authentic and share with

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you some convicting moments that we

had as we took the quiz in Lesson

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10, which is putting off and putting

on, growing in Christlikeness.

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A godly mother does not

exasperate her children.

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In Entrusted, we talk so much about the

child's heart and a child's nature.

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And we want to make sure that we're

really evaluating ourselves before

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the Lord and making sure that we

are being the kind of people that

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we're asking our children to be.

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So this lesson Really has us hold

up a mirror and helps us evaluate

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how we are doing in 16 areas.

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I do really appreciate that Betsy

doesn't just, Point out the sins that

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we so easily fall into as mothers,

but that she points us to what we

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should be putting on in the Lord.

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And that is available in

him through the Holy spirit.

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And that real change only

happens with the Lord's help.

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With all that we're sharing, we know

that there is hope for each of us,

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and we hope that we are an example,

that whatever you're struggling with,

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there's hope in the Lord to change.

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Jen, as you took this quiz, and as

you listened to this lesson, were

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there moments of conviction for you?

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Oh.

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Jen: Oh, for sure.

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And it's interesting because I've

taken entrusted a number of times.

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And so when my kids were really

little, the answers were different.

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And I could see in the book

how they were different.

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Now when I took it, just a year ago,

I'm like, Oh where I was struggling

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had changed, which in some ways I

was like, Oh, good, I'm changing.

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But then I'm like, Oh,

but I'm still sinful.

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Just in new ways.

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So there's that but I'll say

the most recent that I took I

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scored a little bit higher on

the neglect or lack of attention.

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And I gave myself a higher score because

I was being distracted by my phone

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and also that I was putting like my

workout or I know it sounds crazy, but

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my devotional time in front of them.

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And so I would often like to do

my devotions right after lunch.

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That was very important to me.

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It still is very important to me,

but I was realizing that maybe that

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wasn't the best time for the family.

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And so now that they're a little

bit older and things are changing

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around, how can that shift?

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Maybe I needed to be a little

bit selfless and get up early,

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which is really hard for me.

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But get up early to do it since I'm

not waking up in the middle of the

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night with little ones or whatever.

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So that, and, even my workout,

like when am I going to work out?

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Do I, does it serve the family

well to do it when I want to do it?

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Also knowing that I'm homeschooling

all day and I'm with them.

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It is funny how it says

neglect or lack of attention.

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You would think like you homeschool,

you're with them all day.

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How could you neglect them?

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But really , I have to constantly

remind myself that this is their

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school day and they are my priority.

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I need to give myself to them

first and then meet my needs later.

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So I scored myself a little bit higher

on those areas because I want to make

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sure that I'm doing those things.

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I think I can be a little bit

selfless, selfish sometimes

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with how I'd want to do that.

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I also scored higher in not

giving them the opportunity

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to explain what's going on.

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I laugh, but I often am like, I

really don't want to hear the inner

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lawyer come out and I really don't

want to hear their explanations.

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Like I, it's going to be, they're

going to try to talk me out of

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it or they're going to, just.

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argue with me and I don't want to argue.

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And so I've often just been like Nope.

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You don't get to explain it.

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And I don't want to do that.

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I want to sit down and say, okay, with

respectful timing and with respectful

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in your words and without trying to

argue with me, I would like to hear

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what your perspective is now that you're

older and we can talk things through.

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and allow them to explain and allow them

to share a little bit more of their heart.

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Because I often think I can tell

what their sin is, but oftentimes

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when I listen to them, I am wrong.

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And so I don't want to just immediately

jump to conclusions that I know.

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And then also I just put on, for the

modeling anger or sinful habits, I

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was not super high, but I gave myself

probably a two, two or a three just

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because I wanted to not get frustrated.

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I know that I can be quick to

get frustrated and be like this

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isn't what I was saying, or this

isn't how I want you to behave.

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And so just to not do

that, just to be calm.

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I remind myself often that the

anger of mommy does not produce

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the righteousness of God.

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Just because I'm upset by this does

not mean they're going to change, and

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just not being upset or frustrated in

the moment and just be calm and just

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be patient with them and realizing that

they're also a work in progress and the

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Lord is working in their hearts as well.

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Those were the three that I would, I

definitely, Needed to work on a little

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bit more as they've gotten older.

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Steph: Sure.

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Thanks for that transparency.

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And I think it is interesting how,

as you were sharing about your quiet

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time and your workout that was a wise,

thought out, holy decision for a season.

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And now as the season is changing

and the age of your children,

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the Lord's calling you to adapt.

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And obviously you're still keeping your

priority of the Lord is first, but you're

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saying how can I like how you said it?

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How can I best serve my family?

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And what times do I need to

be most available to them?

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Right now, and it's gotta change.

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That's very sacrificial to interrupt your

routine for the good of the whole family.

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Emily, what was coming up for you?

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Emily: Listening to Jen talk, I

think life comes in seasons and

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we're always altering and changing.

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And what worked for the last couple of

years, maybe it won't work this year.

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So this was Interesting to me.

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I took Entrusted many years ago, and I

have the old book and the new book, and

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I, like Jen, scored differently, and I

thought, oh, look at me, I'm doing so

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well, and then retook it, and I'm like,

oh, wow, I'm struggling in these places.

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Great.

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Because in my old book, I put being

too strict or excessively involved.

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I gave myself a really high

score on that many years ago.

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And then now I feel like

I'm not involved at all.

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I'm just kidding.

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No, I feel, I, I feel

like the Lord honestly

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has done a work in my heart and I

realized that I don't have to be fully

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in control, that I can relinquish

control there and just pray a lot.

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So I, I love seeing how, how

this has looked different

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through the different phases.

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So I would say, The, not giving

them opportunity to explain.

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That's an area that I need to work in

because we just know our children so well.

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And so we just know

okay, you're struggling.

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I see it.

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So I'm just going to tell you, I'm

going to be your Holy Spirit and

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I'm going to tell you how to fix it.

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And I did struggle In lack of boundaries.

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Many, when I first took entrusted, I

struggled setting up those boundaries.

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I had a child who was super impulsive

and I was like, I don't think the

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boundaries are going to do any good.

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And I was very wrong.

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The Lord showed me that.

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And so I struggled there , and, I scored

better in it now, but that was a struggle.

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Modeling anger.

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I, it is so hard.

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I think any mom, if they're just super

honest, you know, we all struggle in that,

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not necessarily anger at like them, but

just in situational things, especially

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when you have a lot of moving parts and

you're trying to get the kids in the,

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car and someone is running out without a

shoe and you're like, where's your shoe?

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We have to go.

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It's so hard to Not in those moments.

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That one one that sometimes I need to

work in unrealistic expectations and

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realizing that I need to work on that

one because I would like to see, areas

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of improvement, but it's not realistic

sometimes because it's what I want.

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And it's not really, like a

life changing character thing.

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It's just what I would like to see.

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And that, again, goes back to

control that I need to relinquish.

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So I think the Lord is showing

me that I need to relinquish some

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control that I like to think I hold,

but I, we all know we really don't.

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Wow.

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Jen: yeah.

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It's interesting when you mentioned the

unrealistic expectations, I just watched

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a video on this and we actually showed

it to the youth community that meets at

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our house about unrealistic expectations.

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This guy is talking to

this group of graduates.

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And he said, the biggest problem

is having too high of expectations.

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He is not a believer.

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He's not talking to a

Christian university at all.

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But what he's saying is so biblical.

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And he talks about how I would

wish for you no expectations.

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And in order to do that, you

have to suffer because suffering

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produces character in you.

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When you have that character, you

then understand what other people

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are going through a little bit more.

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On the list that Betsy has, it

says unrealistic expectations

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is the behavior to put off.

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And the one to put on is understanding.

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I just thought that was so cool because

here this man , he's not, Saying anything

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biblical, , he doesn't think he is, but

he's speaking the truth of God's word.

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And he's right that when you put,

when you have unrealistic expectations

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and you grow in that, you become

understanding to how maybe somebody be

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at the point that they're at right now.

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And you had to learn

that through suffering.

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So I just thought that was interesting.

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I know that has not much to do

with Entrusted's lesson, but I

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just thought it was really cool

to, to hear that it was so recent.

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Steph: My husband was listening to

an audio book recently, I think it's

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called Covenantal Household, I was

overhearing it and this is from

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a biblical perspective, but he was

saying, your job is not just to make

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your children rise to the standard,

it's to make them love the standard.

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So he said, if your children are failing

at the standard, you lower the standard.

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And he said, I'm not talking

about biblical mandates here.

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I'm talking about the extra

character things or maybe

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guidelines you have for them.

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But he said, if your whole family

is failing at calculus, take

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them back to sixth grade math.

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And I'm still refining this in my mind,

but I was thinking about, The application,

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I feel like I was working out with the

Lord okay, so say we're sitting at the

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dinner table and my husband might have

a big three and I've got a big three and

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they're not the same big three of things

that bother us at the dinner table or

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things we're trying to get our children

to learn, maybe we need to come together

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and say, actually, just what are the

three and to not have so many things

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we're trying to teach them at once.

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Let's just.

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Master these couple but I just

thought that was so interesting.

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First of all, like to love the standard,

obviously that's so beautifully said but

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it does, it speaks to the unrealistic

expectations, I think there's something

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to be said about not compromising for a

biblical standard, yes, obedience right

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away, all the way with a happy heart.

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Like we still hold that, but there

are these other things we're expecting

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that Maybe we are just overwhelming

them with what we're expecting.

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And sometimes it feels like,

Oh, I'm just guiding them.

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I'm just continuing to teach them

and what it should look like.

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And it might be just exasperating.

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Jen: Hmm.

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So

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Interesting.

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What about you, Steph?

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How did you score?

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We're not going to let you off the

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Steph: Yeah.

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Jen: Hmm.

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to evaluate and to think about this

because the Lord convicted me of

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something I was struggling with.

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I realized I was comparing

my children to others.

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I just have very dynamic, lively,

wonderful children and I sometimes

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look at the children who are

just very mild mannered and I

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think, why what am I doing wrong?

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Why aren't my kids more like that?

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And really the heart of it is fear of man.

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I am thinking, what are

people thinking about me?

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What are they thinking about

my mothering when my children

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do that or when they do that?

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I wrestled through this with

one of my children last year.

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Sometimes he's just bold.

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And there was something I had asked him, I

don't want you talking about that anymore.

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Unless you're in our home.

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And I could see like the

root of it, the sin of it.

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And he didn't honor me right away.

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And I, it was really a struggle

for me because another mom had

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said to me, Oh, I just told my

child to stop and they stopped.

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And I was like, what am I doing wrong that

my kid didn't just stop the first time?

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But then the Lord brought to me when

this same child was in the hospital

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when he goes for his infusions he

shares the gospel almost every day.

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Every time and he always

is sharing his faith.

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And I thought, of course Lord, you

have given him such a strength with

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the boldness of his mouth and he

will do great things with that mouth.

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But of course, that little boy

is being refined right now.

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And who am I to wish that different

character traits in my children, that

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they looked different now to make me.

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feel better about my parenting and feel

like I can manage their behavior better.

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Like I said, I'm ashamed to say that, but

it was just so convicting how the Lord

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showed me what the real root of that was.

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And I think, I can understand

why sometimes it is such a lonely

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Steph: like,

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Jen: we're just waiting for that

fruit, waiting for that fruit.

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It's okay to have a pat on the back

from someone or an encouragement, but

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to press into the Lord, to say, God,

really, how am I doing before you?

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For me I felt like it was two parts to

not just put on acceptance of who God

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has given me and placed in my home,

but also to, to seek God's approval.

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Even taking this test.

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I was like, thank you,

Lord, for putting words to,

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Steph: you know,

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Jen: the enemy might be trying to

make me feel guilty in so many areas,

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but your conviction is specific and

you're guiding me exactly where I am.

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Off track with you and with my children.

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So I just was thankful for this

quiz, which is an unlikely thing

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for me who's so self-critical.

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Another one was discord between parents.

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I think In our home, this is

something that I'm continually

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working out with the Lord.

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with fear and trembling,

what does this look like?

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As my husband does have

memory loss due to MS.

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And I find that sometimes he will

introduce a standard and I'll of

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course want to support him in that.

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And so I'll uphold that standard.

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And then maybe a month later, he doesn't.

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Remember that he had said it, and so

then I feel really discouraged hey,

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I've been holding them to that standard

that wasn't important to me at all

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because I wanted to honor you, and

now you're saying it's not important.

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So those are, of course, things that

we're trying to work out privately,

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but I know that my kids need it.

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Of course they're perceptive and they

pick up on part of that or the fact

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that I homeschool and I'm with them

all the time and so all of a sudden my

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husband might walk in the room and give

a standard about homeschooling and it's

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contrary to what I do with the kids.

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And I want to honor him in it, but because

he's not with them as much, doesn't

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have as realistic of an expectation

about what I'm calling them to.

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So I think those are things

that come up and I can.

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Do a better job of not getting

exasperated in those moments.

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I try to always be peaceful

and then say, Hey could we talk

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in the laundry room, please?

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And go and shut the door

and try to work through it.

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Because I think I want to be very careful

that I think it's lesson eight that

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Betsy says, it is good for a man that

he should bear the yoke in his youth.

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And if my husband sees that my children

need to be called in a higher standard

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:

in something or if he sees something

that I'm not aware of , I want to

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:

have that refinement in their lives.

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And I feel like I continually need to,

be, maybe it's a flexibility in my heart

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:

that wherever he feels the need to speak

in that I would believe even if it feels

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like an interruption to me, that it's

valid and that before the Lord, that

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it's something that needs to be evaluated

right then, that it's more important than

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:

the math lesson or whatever we're doing.

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Emily: I think it just shows that not

one family goes without struggles.

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:

It's so easy to look across the aisle

at church and think, wow, they have it

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:

all together and look at her new dress.

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But no one, no one has it all together

and we're all struggling in some area.

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And I think if this quiz does

anything, it shows us, first

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:

of all, our reliance on him.

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And then secondly, that None of us

are scoring zeros on this whole quiz.

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Jen: Totally.

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Emily: No one is without struggle.

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Jen: Right?

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Emily: And, it's so easy for Us to

wrap our package with a pretty bow

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:

because we can overlook our own.

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Faults.

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And we're so great at picking out

other people's faults this is meant

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:

for refinement, not for perfection.

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Jen: Yeah, that's a good word.

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:

I also appreciated the quiz because.

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We're focusing on our children's behavior

and I so appreciated someone questioning

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me and so often our kids are being

evaluated by us and being disciplined

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:

by us and unless we're spending time

with the Lord and, Receiving what

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:

the Holy Spirit is convicting us of.

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Not very many adults are going

to ask you these questions.

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Not very many adults are going

to say, So how's, how you been in

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:

showing affection to your children?

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:

How have you been in setting

boundaries on your iPhone?

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:

Just being able to be honest before

the Lord and being asked those hard

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:

questions and to put myself in a

place where my children are often

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:

in a place of being evaluated and

making sure that Their hearts are

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:

right and aligned with the Lord, but

now also making sure that I was being

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:

aligned with the Lord and where I was off.

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:

I really appreciated it.

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:

I don't think you find that too

often in most books or in life

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:

Steph: A line I felt like the Lord had

given me when I was first writing the

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:

intro for the podcast and everything

is that he's more concerned with

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:

a to be list than a to do list.

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:

Jen: Yeah,

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:

Steph: and I think.

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:

That this quiz speaks to that who are we?

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:

It's not about what we're

accomplishing on a day to day

479

:

basis, it is about who we are.

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:

It is, even though it's so convicting and

it can be painful, like praise the Lord

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:

for an opportunity to stop and reflect,

to say, this is where I am, off track.

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:

And Lord, please, through your Holy

Spirit, would you please, reorder

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:

my heart, reorder my priorities?

484

:

it's so helpful to get that log out of

our eye, even though it does feel painful

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:

Emily: We're offered two choices when we

come face to face with truth and when we

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:

can make a change or we can continue on.

487

:

And, this quiz I think helps us come face

to face with what we really need to to

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:

hone in on and what I find encouraging and

maybe discouraging also, but encouraging.

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:

In that, the old quiz, I can

see where I had struggles.

490

:

And then in the new quiz, I see Oh,

the Lord's done a work in my heart.

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:

And now I need to move

on to this one to refine.

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:

Jen: Yeah.

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:

I like how she dives deeper

into each of the things and

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:

how we can work through them.

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:

And under the one about being

overly harsh and disciplined or

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:

consequences and talking about anger

and like how does that work out?

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:

I remember taking this class and I

wrote on the side, am I too busy?

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:

Because I get frustrated when

I'm not living in a peaceful pace

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:

or living at a peaceful pace.

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:

And so often, if I have scheduled too much

for our day, or if I've had too high of

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:

an expectation of what we would be able to

get done in a day, that can frustrate me.

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:

Emily: At the top of the

page is Colossians 3:8.

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:

And it says But now you also put them

all aside, anger, wrath, malice, slander,

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:

and abusive speech from your mouth.

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:

And I think that's just a great

reminder, as well as a good charge to

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:

us that though we, Struggle with some

of these items over on our quiz side.

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:

We'll always struggle because as long

as we live on this side of heaven,

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:

we'll always struggle with something.

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:

But with the Lord's help, we can put

these aside and work towards peace

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:

and harmony in our homes and work

towards behaviors that don't exasperate

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:

our children, but rather brings our

family and unites them together.

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:

I think it's just through Yielding

over to the Lord and just giving

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:

it over to Him over and over again.

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We know you're busy, Mama, so

we are truly grateful you joined

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:

us for this episode of Again.

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:

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

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foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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:

EntrustedMinistries.

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:

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

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:

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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:

world, and we want it for you, too.

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:

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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:

from 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12.

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:

We're rooting for you.

525

:

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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:

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

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:

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

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:

Him, according to the grace of our God.

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:

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

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:

Amen.

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Until we meet again.

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