In families, our ideal is rarely our real. We believe it helps to know we aren't alone in our trials. In this episode, a very personal, anonymous testimony is shared of a woman that pursued Christ in a deeply-painful situation. While facing continually rejection and disapproval, this sister in Christ chose to become more and more like her Savior. May this bring hope and encouragement to those dealing with rejection, unforgiveness, or a difficult family circumstance.

Scriptures Referenced:

Genesis 38

Hebrews 12:15

Psalm 27:13

1 Peter 3:9

1 Peter 2:1-3

Romans 12:18

Philippians 1:20

James 3:18

Hebrews 12:11

Psalm 73:21-22

Hebrews 12:1-3

They're the joyful agains our children

shout on the swings, the exhausting

2

agains of cooking and laundry, and

the difficult agains of discipline.

3

So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

4

So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

5

to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

6

We believe God's Word is

the key to untangle from the

7

confusion and overwhelm we feel.

8

Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

9

Welcome to the again, podcast brought

to you by interested ministries.

10

I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox.

11

In today's episode, I'm going to

share a truly personal, painful

12

testimony, but it's not my own.

13

You see, months ago, we sat at a

table preparing to begin this podcast.

14

And Betsy Corning said

something truly profound to us.

15

She told Jen, Emily and

I, that our best stories.

16

We will never be able to tell.

17

And with each passing episode, we're

realizing that's entirely true.

18

To honor those in our lives.

19

We often withhold stories.

20

Or details.

21

But we're continually faced with

a dilemma because we want you to

22

feel encouraged where you're at.

23

We want you to persevere

regardless of your circumstances

24

to honor Jesus in your home.

25

And we know that our ideal Israeli

are real and that our families

26

are far from immune to this truth.

27

So when you're struggling to overcome

those challenges, Or surrender

28

to God's plan for your family.

29

The last thing we want

is for you to feel alone.

30

And that's why I'm sharing this testimony

of a dear woman who took and trusted.

31

She's sharing her story anonymously

and bravely to honor those involved.

32

But as I heard the details of the pain

and rejection Caused by the cruelty of her

33

mother-in-law towards her my heart broke

and I knew her story had to be shared.

34

Because not only was I being

moved by her testimony.

35

something else happened.

36

Another woman at the table shared that

her experience had been all too similar.

37

And I saw what happened as they were

finally able to discuss their situations.

38

And they both said that there is very

little information about this available.

39

That's why I feel it's so important

for us to discuss this because

40

I know there are many, Women.

41

Who don't know how to relate to a woman

who will not accept her with open arms.

42

No matter how hard she tries.

43

Even if you aren't seeing

fruit and someone else's life.

44

I pray you are encouraged to reflect

Christ's love and that this testimony

45

fuels you to follow the Lord.

46

Even when you are enduring and suffering.

47

May we not grow weary as

our faith is perfected.

48

I dated plenty in high

school and in college.

49

And the family's always loved me.

50

Whether or not, the boy continued to

the parents had always welcomed me.

51

quickly and fully.

52

I expected the same to happen when

I met my now husband's parents.

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They were Christians.

54

We were from the same small town.

55

We knew multiple mutual friends.

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Their name was highly respected

as was my family's name.

57

Yet we had never met before.

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I had unknowingly had the expectation

that they would love me and I, them,

59

and we would fawn over our one day

child and grandchild together while

60

I was in wedded bliss with their son.

61

That expectation was erroneous.

62

What actually transpired was one of

the most rigid earthly relationships

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I've ever been involved in.

64

Through this relationship , the Lord

blessed me and led me to work out my

65

own salvation with fear and trembling.

66

I'm so grateful and a more

sanctified because of it.

67

we tried throughout the entire 20

years of marriage to work towards

68

reconciliation and love with them.

69

But that was never the

case this side of heaven.

70

But.

71

I have seen a change in my heart

and my ability to trust my hurt and

72

pain and the Lord hands and timing.

73

And as scripture says, I

gained righteousness, which.

74

If asked, honestly.

75

I'd rather that than a

perfect earthly relationship.

76

When we were in premarital counseling,

some of the hurt from her emotional

77

abuse and attacks came up and our

pastor said they needed to be addressed.

78

We called my in-laws.

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And said the pastor.

80

Should meet Us and them in person.

81

They were adamant that they would

not meet with our pastor and

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that we were over-exaggerating.

83

They demanded, we come

alone to talk to them.

84

So we did with much

prayer and trepidation.

85

It didn't go well, but

we did meet face-to-face.

86

When we were newly married, we set

up boundaries the best we could.

87

Though being unskilled and working

through this deep of conflict.

88

Some boundaries included,

having limited time with them.

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Never allowing me to be alone

with my husband's mother.

90

And my husband even took

the step of writing down on

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the back of a business card.

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The most urgent items that he must look

out for if his mother brought them up.

93

Since it was impossible for him to see

it all, it showed me that he was trying,

94

if he looked super close for those few

things and address them as they came up.

95

Throughout the year.

96

we would have some rather

awkward talks, some through

97

emails, but mostly face to face.

98

They always ended with her saying I was

too sensitive and never admitting or

99

apologizing for any of her behavior.

100

Perhaps the comments were not as

often, but they were still regular.

101

Therefore, we felt that the only thing

we could change was my heart and to

102

not allow bitterness to take root.

103

We continued to limit

time, spent with them.

104

It seemed that she would use

any situation she could to hurl

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hurtful Spears into my heart.

106

Through icy comments and

cold-hearted actions.

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Poised within a seemingly loving

gift would be a backhanded comment.

108

This was too big for me,

so I'm sure it'll fit you.

109

When embracing after the birth of her

first born granddaughter, whom I had

110

just intimately birthed, she snared.

111

It's amazing what some

makeup will do for you.

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Isn't it, dear.

113

The comments weren't always as obvious.

114

Sometimes the words and actions

were twisted together and loving

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and hurtful dances that begged my

mind and heart to reconcile with

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what had just transpired before me.

117

This definitely was not how I pictured

my relationship with my in-laws.

118

When I had dreamed of my future spouse.

119

To say this impact in my heart.

120

My walk with the Lord.

121

And my relationship with my husband

would be a complete understatement.

122

As we started to have kids.

123

And more negative or

rude comments came up.

124

We would address them with questions

that a marriage counselor had us ask her.

125

For instance, why do you say that

you won't ever love our children like

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you'll love your daughter's children?

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Where's that coming from?

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Or how do you suppose I

should take that comment?

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Mostly pointed why questions

to help her to see her heart.

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If anything, they just caused

her to talk more and argue more.

131

Eventually I got to the point where

I could let more roll off my back.

132

My husband got better at sticking

up verbally for me with her

133

and We limited time with them.

134

We seemed to come to some

agreement on how to live peaceably.

135

But often it wasn't peaceable.

136

Often it was just plain hard.

137

I didn't always respond

with grace, mercy and love.

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No often, too often I would respond

in sarcastic or just plain harsh and

139

rude comments spewed back at her.

140

I would writhe in anger at my

husband for not sticking up for me.

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As soon as our minivan would round

the corner of their home, my

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heart rate would pulse so high.

143

I had to breathe deeply and

repeat scripture back to my heart.

144

In order to, just to breathe normally,

as we pulled into their driveway.

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For years, I would smile and

silently hold my thoughts.

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Whenever my kids commented on how

much they loved their grandma.

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I never wanted my pain and

bitterness towards her to seep

148

out of my heart and hurt them.

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But it would hurt me all over again with

each kind word they're innocent hearts

150

would lovingly express about this woman

who was my greatest critic on this earth.

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It impacted every fiber of my being.

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And not for the good.

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Yet what the devil meant for evil.

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The Lord meant for good.

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I sought counsel from a trusted

older woman who went to our church.

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She faithfully challenged and

loved me through this situation.

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Every time I would drive to

her home to meet with her.

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I would fantasize this time will

be the time she tells me I'm right.

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And I don't have to

forgive and show grace.

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She'll be on my side and we'll

finally see my mother-in-law

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for who she is towards me.

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She'll give me the pass I so long for.

163

Thankfully that wise

godly woman never did.

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She would patiently sit at her

dining room table with their

165

open Bible and gently ask.

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How are things with your mother-in-law?

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I would give a brief recounting

of the new hurtful things

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she would have said or done.

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Then she would say.

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I'm so sorry.

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That's so hard.

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Then she would pull out her Bible.

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And show me verse after verse how

I, yes, I had to deal with my sin.

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In the most loving way she would point

me to scripture about anger, pride,

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forgiveness, bitterness, self-control,

love, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

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Not once would she ever, in nearly

10 years of meeting with her, put my

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mother-in-law down, nor give me that

so desired pass to just write her off.

178

Her wisdom called me higher.

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Deeper.

180

She would inspire me to love more,

forgive further, let go of the anger,

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see the good, make right the wrong I

had done, and give the rest to the Lord.

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Faithfully, she led me deeper

to Christ in the midst of the

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hardest trial I had ever had.

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When I would want to withdraw.

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And there were definitely times

where wisdom did allow us to pull

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back or withdraw and safety of my

heart and our children's hearts.

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The sweet woman would encourage me

to press in to keep going to the

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family Christmas, to send her a thank

you note for the kind gift she had

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given while leaving out the snarky

remarks she had given me with it.

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Trust me when I say that I wanted to

buy a billboard with my mother-in-law's

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picture on it and let the world

know the fraud she was, or at

192

least the fraud I saw her to be.

193

But instead.

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I would painfully submit my heart to

Christ, pray a bucket full of tear, filled

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prayers and ask God to give me grace to

love her well, to forgive, to not have

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a bitter root that would spring up and

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This is not supposed to make

you assume I did this perfectly.

198

Not at all.

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One talk with my husband, my dearest

friends, my sweet mama and family members.

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And you would know the

anger and vile hatred.

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That would erupt from my

emotions and out of my mouth.

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As the overflow of what was in my heart.

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They each bore my pain.

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I would have despaired had I not

believed that I would see the goodness

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of God in the land of the living.

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Psalm 27:13.

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God is faithful yet we

don't always see how.

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I wish I could write a perfect

God is good and does all things

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perfectly ending to this story.

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Unfortunately, my mother-in-law

passed away a few years ago.

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Even on her death bed, she never

once asked for forgiveness.

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Reconciled relationship with me, or

even acknowledged the numerous efforts

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I had attempted to desperately have a

Godly earthly relationship with her.

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I don't know her heart and we'll

never know her motivations.

215

I know she loved the Lord.

216

I know we will worship together in heaven.

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I know all things will be right in heaven.

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But I would be remiss if I said I didn't

struggle with the lack of reconciliation

219

with her prior to her departure.

220

To the heavenly kingdom.

221

If my faith and hard fought effort were

enough to transpire that relationship.

222

Into a loving mother-in-law

and daughter-in-law friendship.

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Then we could have been

frolicking in the Hills of wild

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flowers, holding hands together.

225

But it wasn't that way.

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I struggled with, "but

God, I gave it all to you.

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I put it in your hands.

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I was still and waiting

for you to fight for me.

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Why didn't you make this right?

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Make this good.

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You do all things good.

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Except this.

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Why God?"

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As she was dying, she asked me to

design her bulletin for the funeral.

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I was so scared because I knew it opened

me up to criticism and rude comments.

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But to me it was the final, I'm giving

you even this as a sacrifice Lord.

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I prayed over that bulletin so much.

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I truly wanted to do it as onto the

Lord and not care what her response was.

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However she was rude and critical

and just plain awful about it.

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I felt the grief of are you serious, Lord?

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I tried to give this to you.

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I was at peace with it.

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She sarcastically said to me, well,

I guess I just have to live with it.

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And I responded, unfortunately by

saying, well, thankfully not much longer.

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She didn't even reply.

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And I left the room

feeling like a failure.

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It wasn't until months after

that, I told my husband how

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disappointed I wasn't myself.

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And he said, She was

rude and cutting to you.

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I've seen so much growth in you.

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You're human and you will continue to sin.

252

But that doesn't mean that God

hasn't done a huge work in you.

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It's not perfection or nothing.

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You've grown by leaps and bounds.

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And your response honestly, was much

tamer than it would have been years ago.

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God is continuing his work

in you and making you and to

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the woman he wants you to be.

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Even in this hard and difficult situation.

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I still struggle with that at times,

but I have come to know and believe

260

that God isn't through with me yet.

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That he works outside of time.

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Though she has passed into eternity.

263

He is still working.

264

What he taught me in the depths

of that rigid relationship was

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how to trust him with my pain.

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To not repay evil for evil or insult

for insult, but on the contrary, bless.

267

For to this, you were called

that you may obtain a blessing.

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1 Peter 3:9.

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He walked me through putting away

all malice and all deceit and

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hypocrisy and envy and slander.

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Like newborn infants long for

spiritual milk that by it, you

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may grow up into salvation.

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If indeed you have tasted

that the Lord is good.

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1 Peter 2:1-3.

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He showed me that his word satisfies.

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He enabled me to live out, as

far as it depends on you live

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peaceably with others, Romans 12:18.

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He reminded me to release expectations

of how the situation with my

279

mother-in-law would transpire and to

have my eager expectation and hope.

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That I will not be at all ashamed, but

that with full courage, Now as always

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Christ will be honored in my body.

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Philippians 1:20.

283

The Bible states in James 3:18, that

a harvest of righteousness is sown

284

in peace by those who make peace.

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It doesn't say that a harvest

of peace is sown in peace.

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Usually you harvest what you plant.

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But he lovingly walked me

through this passage where

288

remarkably contrary to nature.

289

You don't harvest what you plant

when you plant peaceful seeds

290

and a dry and dusty relationship.

291

Sometimes the other person doesn't also

want peace and consequently restoration.

292

But that doesn't mean the PC.

293

Doesn't just sprout.

294

Instead an unnatural thing happens.

295

You harvest righteousness

when you make peace.

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That meant that even when my relationship

with my mother-in-law never changed.

297

I was promised righteousness

from Christ in earnest.

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To be clear, righteousness is

conformity and purity of heart

299

and life to the divine law.

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Devotion to a sinless life.

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I'll take that any day.

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Conformity and purity of heart and

life to the divine law is far better

303

than any earthly relationship.

304

Any day of any week.

305

The fruit that comes from

making peace will be righteous

306

conduct that God will bless.

307

For the moment, all discipline seems

not to be joyful, but sorrowful.

308

Yet to those who have been

trained by it, it produces the

309

peaceful fruit of righteousness.

310

Hebrews 12:11.

311

I wanted to be trained by it.

312

I didn't want to just do

the easy thing I give up.

313

It wasn't easy.

314

I wasn't perfect.

315

It was a constant battle.

316

I learned that I needed to

actively give grace to everyone.

317

Even my mother-in-law so that I

didn't forfeit God's grace and

318

defile many with a bitter root.

319

I began to see slowly and, imperfectly

320

my soul was embittered, when I was pricked

in heart, I was brutish and ignorant.

321

I was like a beast toward you.

322

Any act of beastly nature towards

anyone is first and foremost, an

323

active sin against my holy God.

324

And I needed to repent of any

sinful behavior in regards to

325

how I treated my mother-in-law.

326

Regardless of what she had seemingly

done to me, I was responsible to repent

327

of any sin in my heart and to respond

in a way that gave glory to God.

328

That was the only way out.

329

In high school, a youth pastor

had shared this quote with me.

330

I live for the purpose

of giving God glory.

331

Therefore, I must make every

decision in light of that goal.

332

I wanted so badly to give God glory.

333

It was so very hard.

334

It cost me so very much.

335

And I did so very badly, so many times.

336

But in time.

337

God slowly worked in my heart to give

me the ability to give him glory by

338

doing what I could to love her well.

339

If you or someone, you know, is in a

hard relationship with a family member.

340

I encourage you to seek

biblical counseling and an

341

older woman to walk beside you.

342

My friends would listen

and sympathize with me.

343

Even cry with me.

344

They would offer words of healing like

she is missing out on knowing you.

345

Or God is doing an amazing

work through this in your life.

346

They prayed with me.

347

They prayed for me.

348

They wouldn't let me

take the easy way out.

349

They held me accountable.

350

Do these things for that girlfriend in

your life who is having a difficult time.

351

Write her a note of encouragement

about how precious and valued she is.

352

Even if someone else can't see it.

353

Remind her how very loved and

cherished and accepted she is by God.

354

If I could go back in time to

the beginning of this trial.

355

I would tell myself.

356

Hold on.

357

Take a deep breath.

358

It's going to be a long ride.

359

Cling to God.

360

What you're about to experience

will be the most painful pruning

361

you've ever walked through.

362

But what you're about to

learn will be so worth it.

363

One day.

364

You'll share your testimony

about it and have zero pain,

365

malice, bitterness, or hurt.

366

Instead,.

367

you'll be so thankful for the

opportunity from your loving God to

368

reveal to you the depths of sin that

was in your heart, where you're tempted

369

to sin, and how to walk through it.

370

Giving God the glory as a woman, more

in love with the Lord and his ways.

371

See, I told you she was lovely.

372

And perhaps I am seeing the beauty

and fruit, the Lord worked out in

373

her during this difficult season.

374

If you have experienced pain or

rejection from an in-law, may

375

these words be a healing balm.

376

Over you knowing that it is the

Lord's opinion of you that matters.

377

Yes, we strive to live

at peace with all men.

378

But when that isn't possible we

still want to pursue relating

379

to others in a godly way.

380

In Entrusted lesson 19.

381

Betsy talks about living

in grace in relationships.

382

She says, grace includes, 1.

383

Learning to ask forgiveness

and express genuine sorrow.

384

2.

385

Receiving forgiveness from another so

that the relationship may be healed.

386

And 3.

387

Growing and long suffering.

388

Instead of reacting impulsively,

we make the intentional choice to

389

respond in a way that honors the Lord.

390

Therefore, since we are surrounded

by such a great cloud of witnesses.

391

Let us throw off everything that hinders

and the sin that so easily entangles and

392

let us run with perseverance the race

marked out for us, fixing our eyes on

393

Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

394

For the joy set before him, he endured

the cross scorning its shame and sat down

395

at the right hand of the throne of God.

396

Consider him who endured such

opposition from sinners so that you

397

will not grow weary and lose heart.

398

Hebrews 12:1-3

399

I'm so proud of my friend

that chose to live with grace.

400

Even if it wasn't reciprocated.

401

Be inspired and encouraged

to fix your eyes on Christ,

402

whatever your situation may be.

403

May we all pursue Christ with all we have

increasingly reflecting him to others.

404

I'd like to close with one more.

405

Piece of fruit that I think might

encourage those in this situation.

406

Easy this weekend.

407

I was quite sick.

408

And my mother-in-law was visiting.

409

And she took care of everything.

410

So I could rest and lay

in bed for the first time.

411

And I don't know when.

412

It was such a blessing to me.

413

And as I've thought about this

episode being released early.

414

I thought about my sweet mother-in-law and

how she had had a difficult relationship.

415

With her mother-in-law.

416

I see how she relates to

each of her daughters in law.

417

And she is truly attentive

and insightful to our needs.

418

Even if you don't have a

mother-in-law that serves you.

419

Wow.

420

Some day, you may have the

opportunity to be the mother-in-law

421

that serves and loves.

422

Wow.

423

And that is beauty from ashes.

424

We know you're busy, Mama, so

we are truly grateful you joined

425

us for this episode of Again.

426

If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

427

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

428

EntrustedMinistries.

429

com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

430

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

431

world, and we want it for you, too.

432

Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

433

from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

434

We're rooting for you.

435

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

436

calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good and every work of faith by

437

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

438

Him, according to the grace of our God.

439

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

440

Amen.

441

Until we meet again.